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Why you aren't acting in real life like the hero in your favorite movie.

Just look around.

Sit-ins and occupations. Marches, rallies, and protests. People demanding the release of video showing an unarmed teen being killed by a police officer. A national #StudentBlackOut on hundreds of campuses presenting administrators with student-created racial equality demands. On Harvard's campus, portraits of black law professors were vandalized. Politicians and public leaders have been accused of secret Ku Kux Klan membership. And a nationally televised benefit concert brought celebrities together to fight the epidemic of racism, commit to peace, and stand with the communities that have been devastated by hate crimes, mass shootings, and police brutality.

And all of that was just in the past two weeks.

Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for A+E Networks.

What's happening all around us doesn't just sound like a movement. It actually sounds kind of ... like a movie.

You've probably seen this type of movie before and know it well: the classic "fight the power" tale. One where a charismatic leader or group of downtrodden but strong and brave "everyday people" rise up to take a stand against the powers that be. "Norma Rae." "Selma." "Mandela." "The Shawshank Redemption." "Les Misérables." Even "The Hunger Games." We all have our fave.

And when we watch those films, most of us pick sides, standing and cheering in solidarity with the "good guys."

Image from "Les Misérables" by movieCax/Flickr.

So, why does it seem like so many people — people who love those movies — can't see that we're all living in an epic blockbuster resistance movie right now?

Why isn't everyone tingling with excitement, cheering the slogans, joining organizations, and loudly standing on the "right side" of history?

Why doesn't everyone see that from University of Missouri's campus to Yale's, from the protests in Ferguson and Baltimore to the "die-ins" in Miami and Chicago, there is a real-life history-making movement happening, demanding equality, justice, and an end to every -ism that remains hidden in plain sight?

Why do some people refuse to recognize that today's Black Lives Matter movement and all of its connected struggles — the DREAMers working on immigration reform and the Fight-for-15ers fighting for a living wage — are the civil rights movement of today?

Why don't they recognize that today's Kendrick Lamars and John Legends are yesterday's Aretha Franklins and Marvin Gayes, creating a bold, unapologetic soundtrack for change?

And why don't they see the leaders of today, brilliant activists and strategists like Patrisse Cullors, Linda Sarsour, Carmen Perez, DeRay McKesson, Tiq Milan, Tamika Mallory, Rashad Robinson, Alida Garcia, and Nettaa, in all their femaleness and malesness and queerness and multi-faithness and multi-racialness, as the Dr. Kings and John Lewises and Ella Bakers that they really are?

Photo of Linda Sarsour, Carmen Perez, and Tamika Mallory. Used with permission from NYJusticeLeague.

The simple answer is, of course, because life is a bit more complicated than the average movie.

See, in the movies, the story is straightforward. It's easy to tell up from down and right from wrong. Thanks to adept writers and our position in the audience as external observers, we are able to see all parties and perspectives clearly.

We know who The Leader is. It's our main character, our underdog. And the supporters are The Good Guys.

We know who The Villain is. He's probably embodied by one individual, and that person is nothing like us. The villain is a caricature whose values are so despicable that any respectable person today would outright reject them.

We know the story formula too. We know the turning points in the plot, when the breakthroughs happen. We know that the heroes will hit their lowest moment and everything will seem lost, but the crescendo of music followed by a dramatic speech signals the confrontation. These things tell us that this is aMoment to Remember, after which nothing will ever be the same. And goodness will win.

If only real life were so simple.

Scene from "Selma" via BagoGames/Flickr.

In real life, the characters don't have good guy/bad guy labels. Roles aren't clearly defined. Villains can be complicated abstract systems of power rather than scowling individuals, while heroes don't announce their presence with sweeping shots of the city and a helpful title card.

Most importantly, in real life, there is no audience with an external gaze. We cannot step outside of our lives to see the part of the long arc toward justice we're living in. We can only see where we are in the moment. Standing here in present day, it's hard to see the future history books as history is being made all around us.

In the movies, we have the luxury of hindsight. We know exactly what the demands were. A writer can look back at the tangled messiness that was a 10-15-year movement and simplify its far-reaching, ever-evolving goals and demands. They will be conveniently uttered by one character in a pivotal moment. A montage would probably flash across the screen with a simple unifying goal around which the entire plot revolves.

In real life, there are numerous goals and multiple strategies. There is give and take and dissent. Movements are multi-organismic, with many parts and strains. Just because you cannot always google "tell me what today's civil rights movement wants" does not mean that there aren't brilliant, politically savvy people all over the country organizing and fighting for clear outcomes at every level — county, city, state, and federal.

But perhaps the deepest, most intimate reason we don't always recognize revolution in real time is that in the movies, social upheaval confronts, challenges, and breaks up a world that is usually foreign to us as an audience, one that we can distance ourselves from (think Panem in "The Hunger Games"). We see the contours of a harsh, immoral, unjust system clearly because we do not see it as our system. It is a system of the past (or a faraway future) and we have no tangible attachment to it. As a result, it's disruption costs us nothing.



Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images.

In real life, on the other hand, revolution disrupts the world we live in right now — a world that, while not perfect, many have learned to navigate and build a life in.

The imperfect systems that exist are the systems that many good people have found a way to survive in and, in some cases, benefit from. And those same people who might cheer for the factory to be shut down, or the police chief fired, or the king overthrown, while watching a movie, might not want to pay the inconvenient cost of disruption when it happens at their child's school or to their brother-in-law the officer or on the streets outside their door.

There are, of course, those who denigrate today's movement because they are desperately clinging to values of hatred and fear. Those may really think and behave like villains.

Others, though, embrace willful obliviousness simply because it is too scary to challenge the system that pays their bills or keeps them employed or makes them feel some semblance of safety and security, even when it clearly doesn't for so many others.

But there is one more group: Those who just don't believe that what they are seeing today, with its tweets and hoodies, is as serious as the movements of yesteryear.

To them I offer this simple truth:

Revolution never looks like what we think it will.

Not only does it not look like the movement that came before it, the kicker is that oftentimes what you might think radical change should look like — a new president, perhaps — with all of its pomp and circumstance, doesn't even come close to the type of revolution that movies are made of.

What does, though, is the kind of uncomfortable, unapologetic, persistentaction and organizing in the three years since Trayvon Martin was killed, led by everyone from kids in hoodies, to athletes, to gay men and trans women, to bold young writers like Darnelle Moore and Dr. Brittany Cooper, to students drowning in debt, to people who shut down highways and who shout down presidential candidates to get their voices heard.

Photo by Jessica McGowan/Getty Images.

Just like in the movies, people really are being killed while corrupt leaders get richer and more powerful. People are putting their lives on the line and making themselves vulnerable while hate speech still flourishes and is defended in the name of "free speech."

And just like in the movies, young people, black, brown, white, gay, and straight, descendants of slaves and immigrants and hippies alike, are working together to create a new, more just reality for themselves and future generations.

In the words of activist Shaun King:

"If you EVER wondered who you would be or what you would do if you lived during the Civil Rights Movement, stop. You are living in that time, RIGHT NOW."

Photo by Jessica McGowan/Getty Images.

So here's my question to you: When the movie based on this moment in history gets made decades from now, what character will you be?

The character passing a bowl of potatoes over dinner, shaking your head at the "unruly activists" as peaceful protesters march outside your door?

The one sitting in a high-rise corner office drinking a latte, bemoaning the youth's "lack of strategy and smarts" as victories are being won day-by-day on campuses and in state houses?

Or maybe the one in the pew on Sunday morning praying for peace and order while holy righteous battles are being won in the streets outside the church's doors?

Not me.

I want to be on the right side of history. I want to be on the side of messy disruption wherever it may be found.

I want to show the movie to my future kids 20 years from now and proudly point and say, "That was mommy, my love. And she was one of the good guys."

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Pura
Pura Fragrances
Justice

Walking Alongside Martu: A journey with one of the world’s oldest living cultures

Pura’s inaugural impact collection honors both sacred traditions and sustainable futures.

James Roh
True

In a world driven by speed, efficiency, and immediate results, it’s easy to forget that lasting change is built on trust. Real impact doesn’t come from rushing toward an end goal or measuring success through lofty metrics. It comes from falling in love with the problem, building a community around it, and sharing a vision for lasting transformation.

Pura, the smart home fragrance company that marries premium fragrance with innovative technology, recently launched its inaugural impact collection with K Farmer Dutjahn Foundation (KFDF) and Dutjahn Sandalwood Oils (DSO). The Pura x Dutjahn partnership began with a clear purpose: to source a sacred ingredient directly from its origin while honoring the land and the people who’ve cared for it. Our goal wasn’t simply to find sandalwood — it was to find a community and an ingredient that embody exceptional land stewardship, ethical harvesting, and transformative, community-led impact. After careful research and over three years of development, we saw an opportunity to secure a premium, luxurious ingredient while supporting a regenerative supply chain that invests in Indigenous-led education, economic opportunity, and land stewardship.

James Roh

Over the past several years, we’ve walked alongside Martu, an Indigenous tribe from the vast Western Australian desert. Martu are one of the oldest living cultures in the world, with a history spanning 60,000 years. As nomadic hunter-gatherers, they have unparalleled ecological knowledge, passed down through generations, making them the traditional custodians of the land. Their approach to sandalwood harvesting isn’t driven by market demand but by a deep respect for seasonal rhythms, land health, and cultural law. Their work adapts to the environment—whether it’s “sorry time,” when mourning pauses activities, or the harsh desert conditions that make travel and communication difficult. Martu operate on Martu time, a deliberate rhythm shaped by millennia of experience, far removed from the rapid-swipe, hyper-productive pace of Western systems.

Martu’s ecological knowledge isn’t documented in baseline reports. It’s lived, carried in stories, and practiced with rigor and respect for the changing needs of the ecosystems. True partnership means unlearning the typical approach. It means standing beside—not in front—and recognizing that the wisdom and leadership we need already exist within these communities. Our role isn’t to define the work, but to support it, protect it, and learn from it.

James Roh

Tonight, as I spoke with Chairman Clinton Farmer and the KFDF team about our focus for this piece, I learned that Clinton’s truck had broken down (again), leaving him to “limp” back to town from the desert at low speeds for hours and hours. He had been awake since 3:00 a.m. This is a common and costly setback, one that disrupts the harvest, demands days of driving, and brings real financial and emotional strain. These barriers are relentless and persistent, part of the harsh reality Clinton and his community face daily. It's easy for outsiders, detached from the reality on the ground, to impose rules, regulations, and demands from afar. Rather than continuing to impose, we need to truly partner with communities — equipping them with the resources to operate sustainably, avoid burnout, and protect the very land they love and care for. All while they endeavor to share these incredible, sacred ingredients with the world and build an economic engine for their people.

There is much to learn, but we are here to listen, adapt, and stay the course. The future we need will not be built in quarterly cycles. It will be built in trust, over time, together.

To learn more about the partnership and fragrances, visit Pura x Dutjahn.

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Health

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals

“I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself.”

TikTok: @wemiopakunle, @_alliechen, @mandanazarfhami,

Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals.

TikTok's latest viral wisdom is backed by hard data—and it's making people rethink their communication habits. We live in a world of chronic oversharing. We post everything, from the routes we run (including screenshots as proof of all that hard work), to the pale-green iced matcha latte sitting at our desks or a present from a boyfriend (who will be tagged prominently, not secretly off screen). Who knows when, but our brains became wired for sharing: to record, to curate, and to post every second of our lives, then consume that of others to a disturbing degree. So, here's a radical idea: when it comes to goals and plans, try keeping them to yourself. It could be the key to making them a reality.

That's the message behind TikTok's massively popular "Move in Silence" trend, where creators like @noemoneyyy have cracked the contradictory code to success: Instead of broadcasting every big idea or project that runs through your head, if you actually want it to come to fruition, keep your plans to yourself until they're executed. And it's not just a trend; surprisingly, science also supports this muted approach.


@noemoneyyy Work in private and let the results speak! #privatelife #privatelifehappylife #workinprivate #creatorsearchinsights ♬ sonido original - Luis Jonathan

"As a former oversharer who used to tell every single friend, every single family member, or a partner everything I was doing, I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself," explains creator @noemoneyyy in a video that's garnered millions of views.

On a different video by @mandanazarfhami, she says, “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your life: that dream job, that city that you want to move to, that dream person, that dream life, that dream anything. Literally keep it to yourself until it’s done.”

Commentors were quick to agree, with one person writing: “From a young age, I never told anyone my next steps. I also taught my husband and son to keep our private matters to themselves and just do things 💯Not many people like it, but who cares🌝🙌🏼🫶🏼”

Another chimed in, “This concept has changed my life for the better.” Others replied, “100 agree 💕” and “100%🙌🏼people can’t ruin what is silent, show results.”


@mandanazarghami monitoring spirits are a real thing - move in silence and watch how much your life changes #fypシ ♬ Jacob and the Stone - Emile Mosseri


What's going on here

In a study done by New York University, researchers found that people who kept their goals private worked on tasks for an average of 45 minutes, compared to the 33 minutes of work completed by those who announced their plans in advance. The twist? The people who shared their goals expressed feeling closer to finishing, despite doing approximately 25% less work.

NYU psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, who led the research, concluded that "once you've told other people your intentions, it gives you a 'premature sense of completeness.'" He also found that the brain is made up of "identity symbols," which create one's self-image. Interestingly, both action and talking about action create symbols in your brain, so simply speaking about a future plan or something you want to do satisfies that part of your brain. When we make our goals public, especially ones that matter to us and deal with our identity, our ability to achieve said goal is significantly reduced. As the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words."

Stranger still, in his paper "Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap," Gollwitzer notes that in order for this phenomenon to happen, one must truly care about their goals. "Ironically, this effect was only found for participants who are very committed to their goal!" PsychologyToday notes. "The lesson learned is that the more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be about them."

Quiet, silence, peace, shhh, no speaking, secret The more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be. Photo credit: Canva

Another reason to keep quiet: If you're a beginner trying something new, sharing your plans could potentially open you up to criticism and negative feedback, which could deter you from even starting. At the University of Chicago, professor Ayelet Fishbach conducted studies to determine how positive and negative feedback affects the pursuit of one's goal. According to Atlassian, she and her team found:

  • When positive feedback signals commitment to a goal, it increases motivation.
  • When positive feedback signals progress, it actually decreases motivation.
"One example the researchers give is a math student who gets a good grade on a test. If she perceives it to mean she likes math, she will study harder. If, however, she sees the high score as a sign she is making progress in the class, she may ease up and study less." - Atlassian


@_alliechen I used to be such an open book but now im a lot more reserved on my goals and plans so ppl dont judge #moveinsilence #relateablecontent #girlies #viral #success ♬ suara asli - astrooo🪐

We've all been there: excitedly telling everyone about your grand plans to backpack through Europe, the year you'll finally learn Spanish, or joining the group lesson at the tennis courts you always pass by… only to mysteriously lose all motivation a week later. Turns out, those lovely dopamine bursts that accompany every enthusiastic "That sounds great!" or "You should totally do it!" response might be precisely what's holding you back.

The good news? You don't need to become closed-off and secretive, a hermit on the top of a mountain who's afraid to share any part of themselves with the world. Research suggests that sharing your goals with one or two selected friends who can be trusted to provide meaningful support is still a good idea. Just hold off on the Instagram Live announcement until you've actually accomplished something substantial.

So, the next time you sit down to write your goals, whether they be a new year's resolution, the day's to-do list, or a five-year plan, think twice about sharing it with others. Give it time and you might have something better to share soon: the results.

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Parenting

Dad creates epic 'vacation' photos to soothe 4-year-old daughter who lost her stuffed T-Rex

He was buying time until a replacement toy could be found.

DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

Dad photoshops daughter's lost stuffed T-Rex toy to buy himself time.

There are few things worse than a lost beloved stuffed animal. The loss is not only tough on kids, but on adults too (to figure out a solution). But one dad turned tragedy into something positive when his four-year-old daughter lost her stuffed toy T-Rex dinosaur.

He shared on social media his hilarious solution with other parents. Instead of delivering the bad news to his daughter that her T-Rex was gone forever, he created an elaborate story–explaining that her T-Rex had gone on a long vacation, and would be arriving home soon.

"My 4 year old daughter lost her stuffed T-rex on vacation. To buy time until I could get a new one, I told her that he said he wanted more time to enjoy himself," he wrote. "Every day I would edit him into one of my vacation photos and e-mail it to myself and show it to her as 'proof' of his extended vacation."

t-rex, t-rex toy, vacation, photshop, dadDad photoshops daughter's lost T-Rex toy into vacation photos.DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

He added that his daughter lost the T-Rex while in Bruges, Belgium. "We started our vacation in Bruges and noticed when we got to Amsterdam that he was gone. I e-mailed the hotel we stayed at multiple times but they never e-mailed me back," he shared.

But it all ended up working out okay in the end. "When I finally got a new one, I put him on the front porch with some Belgian chocolate he got her and a new friend that he met. I then rang the doorbell from my phone and told her to check whether it was Sparkly Rex," he shared.

t-rex, t-rex toy, vacation, photshop, dadDad photoshops daughter's lost T-Rex toy into vacation photos to buy himself time.DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

A fellow parent commented, "This is so wholesome! I bet she'll remember this moment forever, you seem like a wonderful dad!" And he replied, "Thank you! I hope she remembers it, too. I got some nice photos and a video of her answering the door so at least I'll always have it if her memory fades."

Another parent added, "GREAT JOB!!!!! Making a hard issue into an adventure. Great parenting. Keep up the good work. Your child is lucky to have you." And he responded, "Thank you! I appreciate it! She's the boss of the house, need to keep her happy."

first class, t-rex, lost toy, vacation, parenting storyDad photoshops daughter's lost T-Rex flying first class.DuffManSzALotAThings/Reddit

Other parents opened up about their stories with lost stuffed animals. One parent wrote, "My son lost his favorite irreplaceable stuffie when we stayed at a swanky hotel one time. Simply disappeared overnight and we concluded he got sent to the laundry. I begged and pleaded to be let down into the laundry to look but they refused. I drew a reward poster featuring the stuffie and we asked them to post it in all the housekeeping spaces. The whole plane ride home my son asked me what percent chance would his stuffie get sent back (very math oriented from early age) and endless discussions of his possible fate. I settled on 20-30%. A week later, the beloved stuffie appeared, overnighted in a Fed Ex envelope. My son was so so happy and I was thrilled and impressed. That stuffie never traveled with us again!! And I will forever be grateful and loyal to that hotel."

Another parent shared, "Many years ago I accidentally left my challenged daughter’s stuffed animal, (Meeko the raccoon from Pocahontas), on top of my car while leaving a restaurant. She cried for days worried that something had happened to him. Meeko was very well loved. He was missing an eye, his tongue, and had a torn ear. But Meeko was always sleeping next to my daughter every night when she went to bed. We stalled for time by telling her Meeko wanted to take a vacation and would be back soon. The whole time I scoured every toy and department store in nearby areas looking for a new one to no avail. Finally found one on eBay and tripled the high bid to make sure I got him . When he finally showed up he was greeted with many, many loving hugs! My daughter scolded Meeko for running away and grounded him for ever. Years later, when my daughter passed away, they were cremated together so they would never be apart."

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Science

What will Earth look like if all its land ice melts? These maps show the clear answer.

Climate change isn't pretty.

via Business Insider Science/YouTube.

A map of the United States post land-ice melt.

Land ice: We got a lot of it. Considering the two largest ice sheets on earth — the one on Antarctica and the one on Greenland — extend more than 6 million square miles combined ... yeah, we're talkin' a lot of ice. But what if it was all just ... gone? Not like gone gone, but melted?

If all of earth's land ice melted, it would be nothing short of disastrous. And that's putting it lightly. This video by Business Insider Science (seen below) depicts exactly what our coastlines would look like if all the land ice melted. And spoiler alert: It isn't great. Lots of European cities like, Brussels and Venice, would be basically underwater.

I bring up the topic not just for funsies, of course, but because the maps are real possibilities.

How? Climate change.

As we continue to burn fossil fuels for energy and emit carbon into our atmosphere, the planet gets warmer and warmer. And that, ladies and gentlemen, means melted ice.

A study published this past September by researchers in the U.S., U.K., and Germany found that if we don't change our ways, there's definitely enough fossil fuel resources available for us to completely melt the Antarctic ice sheet.

Basically, the self-inflicted disaster you see above is certainly within the realm of possibility.


assets.rebelmouse.io


In Africa and the Middle East? Dakar, Accra, Jeddah — gone.



assets.rebelmouse.io


Millions of people in Asia, in cities like Mumbai, Beijing, and Tokyo, would be uprooted and have to move inland.



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South America would say goodbye to cities like Rio de Janeiro and Buenos Aires.


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And in the U.S., we'd watch places like Houston, San Francisco, and New York City — not to mention the entire state of Florida — slowly disappear into the sea.


assets.rebelmouse.io

All GIFs via Business Insider Science/YouTube.

Business Insider based these visuals off National Geographic's estimation that sea levels will rise 216 feet (!) if all of earth's land ice melted into our oceans.

There's even a tool where you can take a detailed look at how your community could be affected by rising seas, for better or worse.

Although ... looking at these maps, it's hard to imagine "for better" is a likely outcome for many of us.

Much of America's most populated regions would be severely affected by rising sea levels, as you'll notice exploring the map, created by Alex Tingle using data provided by NASA.

Take, for instance, the West Coast. (Goodbye, San Fran!)



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Or the East Coast. (See ya, Philly!)


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And the Gulf Coast. (RIP, Bourbon Street!)

"This would not happen overnight, but the mind-boggling point is that our actions today are changing the face of planet Earth as we know it and will continue to do so for tens of thousands of years to come," said lead author of the study Ricarda Winkelmann, of the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research.

If we want to stop this from happening," she says, "we need to keep coal, gas, and oil in the ground."

The good news? Most of our coastlines are still intact! And they can stay that way, too — if we act now.

World leaders are finallystarting to treat climate change like the global crisis that it is — and you can help get the point across to them, too.

Check out Business Insider's video below:


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


This article originally appeared eleven years ago.

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Family

Mans builds his stressed fiancee an 'anxiety chair' and sweetly puts her in time-out

"Caring and a lil bossy ⭐⭐⭐⭐"

Photo credit: Canva

May we all have a better half like this.

Supporting a partner with anxiety involves understanding, validation, encouragement, and sometimes…building them their own special timeout spot where they can actually relax.

That was certainly the case for one man who wanted to help his fiancée feel a bit better while dealing with the final week of wedding planning. (Let’s be honest, weddings are stressful for just about any bride, but for those of us with anxiety, it can be a mental health nightmare.)

In a TikTok that's since reached almost 1 million views, we see Ryan Erkins give said bride, Debra Reisinger, the rundown on her gift—an "anxiety chair” inspired by Inside Out 2.

anxiety, anxiety tips, anxiety chair, husbands, green flags, red flags, marriage, partner with anxiety, support someone with anxietymedia4.giphy.com

As any Disneyphile would know, this Pixar sequel featured Anxiety as a new character, and at one pivotal part of the movie, the other emotions have to calm her panic attack by sitting her down in a chair with a cup of soothing tea.

Using an Inside Out poster as a reference, Erkins tells Reisinger, “Whenever you start to feel here, it's becoming too much.”

“I need you to come sit in here, light the candle with a drink, it’s your favorite color rose, and just relax for like 10 minutes…You aren’t allowed to leave until the timer’s up,” he continues, using the right amount of bossiness that’s honestly so needed during a time of chaos. Even when Reisinger asks, “Can I have my phone?” Erkins firmly says, “Nope, cause all you’re gonna do on your phone is look at stuff. You can turn the TV on.”

@debrareisinger He reminds me often why he’s my better half. Entering our final week of wedding planning, he pulls this out. ❤️🥲 @Coach Ryan Erkins #anxiety #insideout #fiance #weddingplanning #ringcamera #cincinnati #bestpartnerever ♬ original sound - Debra Leann


Seriously, the Disneyness, the wholehearted support, the sass—what’s not to love about this?

Down in the comments, people agreed this "polite timeout” was peak "green flag behaviour," especially by those who also deal with anxiety.

“To be loved, is to been seen.”

“As a woman with panic attack, this is the SWEETEST gesture 🥺.”

“Respectfully, also in love with your husband now.”

"Caring and a lil bossy ⭐⭐⭐⭐"

“Set a timer for 8 minutes. He said imma regular you if you can’t do it yourself love this!!!"

Many also noted the similarities of this approach to gentle parenting, which still provides firm boundaries while ultimately prioritizing compassion. Basically, it works for adults too.

“I’m all for gentle marriage," one viewer quipped.

Of course, everyone is ultimately responsible for their own emotional regulation, but having a partner, a friend, or a family member to help us through the more challenging times can really make all the difference. Sounds like Erkins easily understands this concept.

By the way, it looks like all that wedding stress didn’t mar the big day:

@debrareisinger I married my best friend ❤️💍🍾 8.31.24 #justmarried #glenviewgolfcourse #cincinnati #alwaysandforever #mrandmrserkins #erkinseverafter @Coach Ryan Erkins ♬ original sound - Debra Leann

Here’s to a life full of love, laughter, and timeouts in the anxiety chair for these two.

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Joy

A college student was fed up with a classmate taking his seat. Then he saw his own ignorance.

Things are not always as they appear.

Photo credit: Canva

Don't judge a book by its cover.

You know that feeling you get when you walk into a classroom and see someone else's stuff on your desk? OK, sure, there are no assigned seats, but you've been sitting at the same desk since the first day and everyone knows it. So why does the guy who sits next to you put his phone, his book, his charger, his lunch, and his laptop in the space that's rightfully yours? It's annoying.

All you want to do was walk in, sit down, get out your notebook and (try to) pay attention. But now? Now you've got to talk to a stranger about moving their stuff and there goes your day, already bogged down with petty annoyances. Sound familiar?

classroom, desk, classmates, claiming a seatEven when there's no assigned seat, everyone knows where they usually sit.Photo credit: Canva

We've all got so much to do these days that interacting with people we see every day — not our friends, but our classmates, fellow commuters, co-workers, the people in line for coffee with us every day — can feel like a burden. So, when these people do something we perceive as annoying, like putting their stuff on our desks, we don't have the time or the energy to assume their intentions or think about the lives they're leading.

But if we stepped out of ourselves for a second, we might just realize that we're all much more connected than we think, that our preconceived notions of others are usually just that — preconceived. And, often, inaccurate.

That's why this X story about a guy who learned an important life lesson from a classmate he was frustrated with has resonated with thousands. It's the perfect example of that "don't judge a book by its cover" adage we should have all learned in preschool but sometimes forget. And it starts the exact same way as this post — with a college student groaning on the inside as he sees someone's stuff on his desk.

Thomas McFall (@thomas___mcfall) wrote:

"So in one of my Management classes I sit in the same seat in the front every day. Every single day I sit there. Now, I also sit next to some foreign guy that barely speaks English. The most advanced thing I've heard this guy say in English is 'Wow, my muffin is really good.'

This guy also has a habit of stacking every item he owns in the exact space I sit. His bag, his food, his books, and his phone are ALWAYS right on my desk space.

Now, every single time I walk into class this guy says 'Ah, Tom. You here. Okay.' And starts frantically clearing my desk of his belongings. He then makes it a habit to say 'Ready for class, yeah?' And gives me a high five. Every day this guy gives me a high five.

I was ALWAYS annoyed with this guy. I'm thinking 'Dude, you know I sit in this seat every day. Why are you always stacking your shit here? And the last thing I want to do is give a guy who barely speaks my language high fives at 8 in the morning.' Just get your shit off my desk.

But today I came to class and was running a few minutes late. I'm standing outside because I had to send a quick text. I could see my usual space through the door out of the corner of my eye. Of course, my desk was filled with his belongings. The usual.

As I'm standing there on my phone another guy who was also late walks into the class before me and tried to take my seat since it's closest to the door. The guy sitting next to me stops this dude from sitting down and says 'I'm sorry. My good friend Thomas sits here.'

It was then that I realized this guy wasn't putting stuff on my seat to annoy me. He was saving me the seat every morning. And this whole time he saw me as a friend but I was too busy thinking about myself to take him into consideration. Cheesy as it sounds, I was touched.

I ended up going into class and of course he cleared the seat and said 'Ah, Tom. You here. Okay.' And I did get a high five. At the end of class I ended up asking him if he wanted to get a bite to eat with me. We did. And we talked for a while. I got through the broken English.

The guy moved here from the Middle East to pursue a college education in America. He plans to go back after he gets his degree. He's got two kids and a wife. He works full time and sends his all his left over money back home to his wife.

I asked him how he liked America as well. He said he misses his family but it's exciting to be here. He also said 'Not every American is nice to me like you are, Tom.' I bought lunch, of course. Dude deserves it. He gave me a high five for buying lunch. Gotta keep up tradition.

Moral of the story? Don't do what I do and constantly only think about yourself. It took me nearly the entire semester to get my head out of my ass and realize this guy was just trying to be my friend. Better late than never I suppose."

If not for this one day running late, McFall may have never realized what his classmate was trying to do. And he may have continued to think of him as annoying, maybe telling others about "the weird guy who was always trying to take up my space"... when all the guy was really trying to do was be kind. We all misinterpret the actions of others sometimes. It's easy to do that!

But if there's one thing this story reminds us, it's that it's important to stop and remember that while you're living your life, other people are living theirs, so assuming best intentions can do us a great favor. That's why we should step outside of our bubbles and engage with the world on a regular basis. You could make a new friend. You might brighten someone's day.

But most importantly, getting out of your own head, checking your own biases, and giving others the benefit of the doubt will make you a more compassionate person. You don't have to engage with everyone you meet, but the next time someone smiles and offers you a high-five? Maybe just take them up on it.

This article was originally published seven years ago.

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