+
upworthy
More

4 things you should do when you're told 'Black Lives Matter'

How to be a better ally in four easy steps.

This past weekend, America saw some good examples of what NOT to say in response to "Black Lives Matter."

During the annual progressive conference Netroots Nation, a group of #BlackLivesMatter and #SayHerName activists stormed the stage during a morning presidential town hall. The activists used the event to ask candidates Martin O'Malley and Bernie Sanders about their stance on how to fight racism in the United States.


Activist Tia Oso of the Black Immigration Network takes the Netroots Nation stage. Photo by Charlie Leight/Getty Images.

When O'Malley and Sanders responded to the activists about their stance on the mission of the Black Lives Matter movement, many people were disappointed.

O'Malley ended his answer with "Black lives matter. White lives matter. All lives matter," which got him boos from the crowd. (He later apologized.) Sanders took a different approach: He didn't answer the protester's questions, but spoke about income inequality instead.

In response, some attendees walked out of the event, and many have even gone as far to say that O'Malley and Sanders "failed" in their responses to the activists' cries.

If what they said was wrong, what might you have said instead?

If you're deeply, intimately connected to the Black Lives Matter movement in some way, the answers to those questions may seem super obvious to you, no matter your race or identity. But what if you're not? What if you support the efforts of people who are making their voices heard and taking a stand against racism, but aren't sure how to respond thoughtfully as an ally and general Good Person?

Well, I'm a member of the Black Lives Matter movement, and while I've seen plenty of long articles and speeches and really deep analysis about how to be an ally, I gotta say from all of my time tweeting and talking about it, the basics of how to respond well are actually pretty simple. So I've narrowed them down to a super short, handy dandy list.


Here are four simple things to do when someone says "Black Lives Matter."

1. Listen.

Actually pause and take a moment to really, deeply hear what they have to say. This step means you don't have to respond reflexively, awkwardly, immediately, or even at all. Your first responsibility is to actively listen. (And yes, active listening is a real skill. This article on Forbes provides a great introduction to it.)

Why listen? Because when you actually listen, you'll hear that the phrase isn't a personal attack or an accusation of being racist.

People who are working in the BLM movement (myself included) are making a statement about the value and worth of black people in the face of countless acts of racism. So just listen. This step is probably the hardest — but most important — one.

2. Don't say "All Lives Matter" or "[Insert Other Race] Lives Matter."

Now that you've listened, it's response time. And trust me, "All Lives Matter" or "[Another Race] Matters" is not the way to go. And here's why: Those responses miss the actual point (see #1) and derail the conversation.

It's also just kind of ... silly. Don't believe me? Check out this spot-on comparison from actor Matt McGorry of "Orange Is the New Black" (but pardon his French):



MoveOn.org Civic Action's Executive Director Anna Galland digs a bit deeper in the organization's official response to this weekend's action:

“Saying that 'all lives matter' or 'white lives matter' immediately after saying 'Black lives matter' minimizes and draws attention away from the specific, distinct ways in which Black lives have been devalued by our society and in which Black people have been subject to state and other violence."

There's a reason why the creators of the movement made this movement: They felt they had to. All lives matter (duh), yet thanks to institutionalized racism, the U.S. has yet to catch up on showing that. On the Black Lives Matter website, there are many statistics cited to show why there needs to be a movement focusing explicitly on justice for black people.

BLM calls for us to look specifically at how various injustices like poverty, violence, police brutality, and poor-quality education actually affect black lives. You wouldn't want to take attention away from that, would you?

3. Agree that black lives do matter.

Now for the positive part. Responding thoughtfully isn't just about what not to say. It's also about not being afraid to actually agree! Because this:

There isn't a limited amount of dignity and respect in the world.

By affirming that black people deserve these things too, you are not devaluing the lives of people of other races.

As The New Republic Senior Editor Jamil Smith tweeted in response to Saturday's action:


It really is that simple. And that's why people of all backgrounds, races, and ethnicities have joined the movement as active participants. If you take a close look, you'll see that the Black Lives Matter movement is actually really diverse. Because you don't have to be black to want to support the idea of justice and equality for people who are still regularly having to fight for it.

4. Don't stop there. Take the time to learn more about the movement.

Phew! You made it this far. You listened, didn't derail the conversation, and you affirmed that you know that black people matter, too.

But the work isn't over.

You might have a lot of questions. And yes, you can always find someone to answer them. But even better is taking the time to do a little digging first. Peruse the Black Lives Matter website for better understanding about the movement. Read the numerous interviews that the Black Lives Matter co-creators have done.

Taking the time to research before asking questions is a great way to show that you care and want to help.

It can be scary to talk about such a sensitive topic if it isn't your personal #1 issue. But the way you talk about it is the only way that people will know your true intentions and your solidarity with the people who are on the front lines trying to make the country better and more just. So follow these four steps and go forth!

To learn more about demands, events, and past work, visit the official #BlackLivesMatter website.

Pop Culture

Here’s a paycheck for a McDonald’s worker. And here's my jaw dropping to the floor.

So we've all heard the numbers, but what does that mean in reality? Here's one year's wages — yes, *full-time* wages. Woo.

Making a little over 10,000 for a yearly salary.


I've written tons of things about minimum wage, backed up by fact-checkers and economists and scholarly studies. All of them point to raising the minimum wage as a solution to lifting people out of poverty and getting folks off of public assistance. It's slowly happening, and there's much more to be done.

But when it comes right down to it, where the rubber meets the road is what it means for everyday workers who have to live with those wages. I honestly don't know how they do it.

Keep ReadingShow less
Joy

5-star Scottish resort offers whimsical afternoon tea experience with 'naughty sheep'

Cameron House's Woolly Wellness retreat includes tea in the garden with adorably rude guests.

Cameron House/Naughty Sheep

Cameron House's Woolly Wellness retreat includes a unique sheep encounter.

Remember when "goat yoga" was all the rage? And then "cow cuddling" and "turkey cuddling" made everyone's bucket lists?

Now we can add "nuzzling with naughty sheep" to the mix, but with a fancy Scottish twist.

Less than an hour from Glasgow, Scotland, the Cameron House resort sits on the bonnie banks of Loch Lomond, looking as if it were plucked straight out of a fairy tale. Sprawling green grounds, gorgeous lake views and a four-story castled mansion greet guests as their "home away from home" (only better), and a perusal of the reviews show guests raving about the 5-star resort's elegance, beauty and exceptional service.

I mean, just look at this place:

drone view of cameron house grounds and lakeCameron House sit on Lake Lochmond in Scotland.Cameron House


Keep ReadingShow less

A pitbull stares at the window, looking for the mailman.


Dogs are naturally driven by a sense of purpose and a need for belonging, which are all part of their instinctual pack behavior. When a dog has a job to do, it taps into its needs for structure, purpose, and the feeling of contributing to its pack, which in a domestic setting translates to its human family.

But let’s be honest: In a traditional domestic setting, dogs have fewer chores they can do as they would on a farm or as part of a rescue unit. A doggy mom in Vancouver Island, Canada had fun with her dog’s purposeful uselessness by sharing the 5 “chores” her pitbull-Lab mix does around the house.

Keep ReadingShow less
@caitlin.the.realtor/TikTok, used with permission

Wait, so 90's fashion is in, but 90's hair is out?

Every era has its own version of what’s attractive. And very rarely does that aesthetic hold power with the following generation. In fact, it often becomes the opposite of cool.

Just think of Elvis. He might have been a universal sex symbol for a time, but it also wasn’t long before his pompadour became passé. Same goes for Paul Newman’s rugged manliness, David Cassidy’s babyface, Tom Selleck’s mustache. Indeed, for everything a season.

Which brings us to the 90s. The age of beach blonde surfer boys (real surfing skills not required, but a plus). Of flannel, lots of flannel, and super chiseled bodies. Let’s not forget this was the dawning of the term “metrosexual,” and also the time period that brought us that Calvin Klein ad with Mark Wahlburg.

How exactly would these guys measure up with the Gen Z kids today?

Keep ReadingShow less
popular

A wild Eurasian crow befriended a toddler and won't leave his side

Crows are so much smarter than we think.

A Eurasian crow.

A family from Denmark has created a touching video montage documenting their unique friendship with a wild Eurasian crow. This crow, affectionately named Russell, has become an honorary member of their household, forming special bonds with each family member, including the pets.

However, the crow's relationship with their son, 2-year-old Otto, is truly extraordinary. “They could spend hours just playing,” Otto’s mother, Laerke Luna, says in a video shared by The Dodo. "When Otto is outside, he will never leave Otto’s side.”

Russell, the free-spirited crow, ventures away from the family's home from time to time, but never for too long. He always comes back and announces his return by tapping on the door, swooping in to lounge on the sofa, or awaiting Otto's return from school atop their roof.

“When we are inside, he will sit inside the window because he wants Otto to go outside with him,” Laerke said.

The family’s relationship with Russell didn’t come out of nowhere. When Russell was a young bird, he had health problems so the family took him and nursed the bird back to health. Eventually, they witnessed his first attempts to fly.

Recently, Russell became friends with another family member, their second child, Hedwig. Although he does get a little annoyed with the bird’s frequent attempts to nab his pacifier.

Even though it’s rare for humans to strike up such a close bond with a crow, according to research, it’s not that surprising. Audubon says that crows are “some of the smartest animals in the world” with an intelligence “on par with chimpanzees.” They are also very social and family-oriented, so no wonder Russell loves Otto and his family.

Crow Named Russell Waits For His Favorite Kid To Get Home From School | The Dodo


Learning

Why you shouldn't throw your dishwasher pod into the bottom of your dishwasher

Dishwashers actually use the dirty water to know how to wash your dishes.

Photos by cottonbro studio and PhotoMIX Ltd. via Canva

Why your detergent shouldn't go in the bottom of the dishwasher

There always seem to be something going on with the pods and powders you're supposed to use in the dishwasher to clean your dishes. Either the pods don't dissolve completely or the powder gets all goopy and hard, never really fully dispensing into the dishwasher.

The inconsistency in product dispensing can leave you wondering if the dishes are even getting cleaned, causing some to toss the detergent pod into the bottom of the dishwasher. It would seem that placing the detergent at the bottom would allow for it to actually reach your dirty dishes. But Melissa Pateras, a domestic expert, explains that doing it that way isn't doing what you think it's doing.

Pateras actually breaks down exactly how dishwashers work to clean your dishes while explaining why putting the detergent on the bottom is ineffective.

Keep ReadingShow less