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15 'social hacks' that make interacting with friends, family and coworkers so much easier

These are all Jedi mind tricks.

social hacks, psychology tips, communications skills
via August de Richelieu/Pexels

Some coworkers are having a conversation.

Humans are infinitely complex beings, but we can also be very predictable. That sounds paradoxical, but just as people are capable of complex feats of reasoning, we also have instinctual, subconscious reactions to everyday events that make it easy to anticipate our behaviors.

There is an art to navigating complex social situations, whether with friends, family, coworkers, customer service people, or business relationships. One of the most significant advantages is knowing how to respond to other people’s behavior correctly. A skillful response in the right moment can make all the difference, whether it means closing a deal, getting someone to like you, or calming down an agitated customer.

A Redditor who goes by the name Orthopod_ace asked the AskReddit forum, “What's the best psychology trick you know?” and nearly 2,000 people shared the social hacks they use when interacting with others.

Many responses centered around easy-to-learn social tricks people can use to change others’ attitudes, opinions, and behaviors. We made a list of 15 of the best psychological tricks, or “social hacks,” as we’re calling them, to help you with your interpersonal relationships.


Here are 15 social hacks that make dealing with friends, family and coworkers much easier.

1. Give kids the illusion of choice

"Any illusion of choice you can give a kid works wonders. ‘It's bedtime, do you want to go potty or brush teeth first?' ; 'Do you want green beans or corn with your chicken nuggets tonight?' ; 'Do you want to clean up the books or the puzzles?'"

2. Silence is golden

"In a negotiation (e.g. when buying a car) stop talking and let the other party speak. Uncomfortable silences work very well in negotiations."

"Silence also works if you think someone is lying to you. Someone lying will instinctively keep trying to convince you, and will often add more noticeable exaggerations."

"Works great in call center work with angry callers, too. And you always have the plausible excuse of 'I'm just ensuring I didn't accidentally interrupt you.'"

3. Greet people with enthusiasm

"If you greet people as though you are excited to see them they will be equally happy to see you. This works great if you work in customer service and don't want to deal with people with bad attitudes."

"Also, to the receiver, you never know how being greeted as if you are important can impact a person. A lot of people walk around thinking they don't matter, no one notices them, they are a burden, etc. Being greeted with a warm, excited hello does make a difference."



4. Ask angry people to rephrase what they're saying

"If someone is angry with me and yelling or whatever. I will calmly say , 'I think I understand, but could you phrase the problem differently to help me understand better?' 9/10 times they stop dead in their tracks, regroup and rephrase calmly and way nicer. In short, getting people to actively think about what and how they say something."

"I like to say 'I hear you, but I just need a minute to process what you're saying.' For some reason that calms people down. I started doing it because it was true."

5. People live up to your expectations

"If you praise people and treat them as if they’re their best selves, and point out all the positive things they do and what you like about their behavior, they’ll do more of it, and they’ll do their best to live up to that expectation. The same goes for if you treat them as losers and only point out what they’re doing wrong; they’ll live up to that as well."

6. You don't need an answer

"Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean they get to decide what sort of answers they can get. If you're asked about a complicated topic, it's okay to say, 'I don't think I have enough information' or 'I think I need to think about it better for an answer' if you don't feel comfortable answering.

7. Mirror people

"When you're trying to connect with someone mirror their body language and keep eye contact. And when interacting with people, try to keep your posture straight and don't close yourself off. Keep your body language open and relaxed and people will enjoy your company more and be more likely to trust you."

There's a lot of science to back up the mirroring theory, also known as the "chameleon effect." Studies show that when we reflect other people's expressions and mannerisms, they are more likely to think of us positively. "Not only do we tend to like people who 'get us,' but we also trust them more, judge them as more attractive than we otherwise would, and feel more connected to them," Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today.



8. Give them the point

"When debating someone, concede a point early on. You will be amazed at what people will concede once they know they are not the first to do so. And they’ll always concede something larger than you have. I negotiate for a living … works like a charm!"

9. Look forward

"When navigating busy sidewalks and people walking towards you, keep getting in your way, keep your eyes focused on where you are going, and don’t make any eye contact. People will glance at your face and instinctively avoid your path. It’s not a perfect solution but it’s a noticeable improvement. Works best if you’re tall you can also fix your target direction on a distant tree if you’re not."

10. Fix relationships through learning

"If you work with someone who you have a stressed relationship, ask them to teach you something. Even if you already know it. It'll help repair the relationship, and that person will never know."

11. Stay calm when dealing with angry people

"When someone is mad at you, stay calm and lower your voice. It confuses their anger response and might just make them feel like they're the crazy one. It’s like turning down the volume on a chaotic playlist!"



12. "Can you explain that?"

"When someone tells you something you find offensive and then tries to play it off as a joke, ask them to explain the joke to you. Awkward silence ensues."

13. Ask for a favor

"People will like you more and be more willing to help you if you ask them for a small, harmless favor. If someone seems to be clashing with you, asking them for help or to do something innocuous for you can actually help that dynamic. It's like their subconscious observes them doing something for you and assumes 'Oh, I guess I help that person, I must like them.'"

This theory is known as the Ben Franklin effect because he wrote about it in his autobiography. “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.” Many believe the psychological phenomenon works due to cognitive dissonance. Our brain can’t stand conflicting beliefs, so when we do a favor for someone, it convinces us we like the person to reduce feelings of discomfort.



14. Positive framing

"Instead of apologizing for a wait, thank them for their patience."

15. Expose a liar

"If you think someone is lying to you, get them to tell their story in reverse order, 'Memento' style. Was a fraud investigator in a previous life and this never failed me."







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Parenting

When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Years after it happened, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com


Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

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Pop Culture

Jon Bon Jovi stops in the middle of filming music video to save a woman's life

The singer was filming a music video for his song “The People’s House” when he noticed a woman standing on the ledge.

Laurent Fox--HUD/Wikipedia, @MNPD/X

"A true hero and an amazing human."

Editor's Note: This story discusses suicide. If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, or know of anyone who is in need of help, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

A surveillance video shared on X by the Metropolitan Nashville Police Department shows the harrowing moment that Jon Bon Jovi helped stop a woman from jumping off the John Seigenthaler Pedestrian Bridge.

As fate would have it, the “Livin’ on a Prayer” singer was on the bridge filming the music video for the song “The People’s House.” The bridge remained open to the public during the shoot.

In the audio-free clip, a woman wearing a blue shirt can be seen peering over the ledge of the bridge, her arms wrapped around its railing as others pass by unaware.

After spotting her, Bon Jovi and a production assistant walk over to her. During the conversation, the rock star attempts to comfort the woman by placing a hand on her forearm.

While we don’t know what he said, his efforts were clearly successful, because the woman did eventually return back to the pedestrian walkway, and the two shared a hug.

Along with the security footage, the MNPD quoted their Police Chief John Drake, who said, "It takes all of us to help keep each other safe.”

Understandably, Bon Jovi’s actions incited a flood of praise online.


“I couldn’t love this man more. The best of the best. A true hero and an amazing human,” one persone wrote on X.

Another echoed, “Thank you for stepping in and stepping up to SAVE a life! Keep doing what you do in the world!”

Yet another said, “This moved me to tears. In a time of such division and hardship, I can truly feel the love in his actions. Well done, @jonbonjovi. A beautiful example of empathy and kindness.”

Others noted how fortuitous the situation had been. As one person put it, “In all honesty, if I was about to jump off a bridge and Bon Jovi showed up, I would maybe think God was telling me something. I'm an atheist so that would be a helluva stretch for me.”

Even for the most hardened cynic, it might feel like divine intervention indeed played a hand. After all, Bon Jovi seems well equipped to handle a situation like this. In 2006 he founded the JBJ Soul Foundation to help people suffering from homelessness, poverty and hunger. They do this via programs that provide food, affordable housing, social services, job training, and other forms of assistance, a lot of which Bon Jovi actively participates in.

“I saw firsthand and continue to see today the impact of charitable, community-based work," he once said in a statement. "I know this for sure: Helping one's community is helping one's self."

So it’s no surprise that Bon Jovi might have picked up some crucial communication skills to handle crises in the moment.

Honestly, whether it’s done by a Grammy award winning rock star or a stranger off the street, the ability to reach out to help someone in a time of dire need is one of humanity’s greatest gifts. These are always the stories worth spreading.

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best of humanity
History (Education)

Artist's gallery shows us what historical figures would look like if they were alive today

Her new artwork has already has over 120,000 followers on Instagram.

via Royalty Now / Instagram

One of the major reasons we feel disassociated from history is that it can be hard to relate to people who lived hundreds, let alone thousands, of years ago.

Artist Becca Saladin, 29, is bridging that gap by creating modern-looking pictures of historical figures that show us what they'd look like today.

"History isn't just a series of stories, it was real people with real feelings. I think the work brings people a step closer to that," she said according to Buzzfeed.

Saladin has always loved archaeology and always wished to see see what historical events actually looked like.

She started her Instagram page after wanting to see her favorite historical figure, Anne Boleyn, in real life instead of artist's depiction.

"I wanted to know if she could come to life from the few pale, flat portraits we have of her," she wrote for Bored Panda. "I started the account to satisfy my own curiosity about what members of the past would look like if they were standing right in front of me."

Her artwork has earned her over 120,000 followers on Instagram. "I always struggled with finding a true hobby, so this has been such a fun creative outlet for me," she said. "It's really cool to have found a hobby that combines my passions for both art and history."

Saladin does brilliant job at giving historical figures modern clothing, hairstyles and makeup. She also shows them in places you'd find modern celebrities or politicians. Her modern version of Marie Antoinette appears to be posing for paparazzi her Mona Lisa is photographed on a busy city street.

Here's a sampling of some of Saladin's modern representations of historical figures.

Genghis Khan

  

King Henry VII

  

Agrippina the Younger

  

Queen Nefertiti

  

Ben Franklin

  

This article originally appeared on 2.27.20

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Joy

Pizza guy whose quick thinking saved a woman's life gets the reward of a lifetime

He saw her trapped in her own home, begging for help.

via WITI Milwaukee

Joey Grundl, Milwaukee pizza guy.

Joey Grundl, who was working as a pizza delivery driver for a Domino's Pizza in Waldo, Wisconsin, was hailed as a hero for noticing a kidnapped woman's subtle cry for help. It's a timeless story that continues to resonate with people today.

Back in 2018, the delivery man was sent to a woman's house to deliver a pie when her ex-boyfriend, Dean Hoffman, opened the door. Grundl looked over his shoulder and saw a middle-aged woman with a black eye standing behind Hoffman. She appeared to be mouthing the words: "Call the police."

"I gave him his pizza and then I noticed behind him was his girlfriend," Grundl told WITI Milwaukee. "She pointed to a black eye that was quite visible. She mouthed the words, 'Call the police.'"

domestic abuse, celebrity, community, kidnapped

The Dean Hoffmann mugshot.

via WITI Milwaukee

When Grundl got back to his delivery car, he called the police. When the police arrived at the home, Hoffmann tried to block the door, but eventually let the police into the woman's home.

After seeing the battered woman, Hoffmann was arrested and she was taken to the hospital for her wounds.

Earlier in the day, Hoffman arrived at the house without her permission and tried to convince her to get back into a relationship with him. He then punched her in the face and hog tied her with a vacuum power cord.

"If you love me, you will let me go," she pleaded, but he reportedly replied, "You know I can't do that." He also threatened to shoot both of them with a .22 caliber firearm he kept in his car. The woman later told authorities that she feared for her life.

An alert pizza delivery driver helped save a woman from her abusive ex-boyfriend, police say. A 55-year-old Grafton man now faces several counts of domestic ...

A day later, Grundl was seen on TV wearing a hoodie from Taylor Swift's "Reputation Tour" and her fans quickly jumped into action, tagging Swift in photos of the hero. Grundl already had tickets to go to an upcoming Swift concert in Arlington, Wisconsin, but when Swift learned of the story, she arranged to meet Grundl backstage.

"She … she knew who I was," Grundl jokingly tweeted after the concert. "I'm thoroughly convinced Taylor gave me a cold."

"This has been one of the most exciting weeks of my life," Grundl said. "I'm legitimately getting emotional and I almost never get like this. But as the likely most memorable week of my entire life comes to an end … I guess I can really say … I'm doing better than I ever was."


This story originally appeared on 10.4.18

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Family

This innocent question we ask boys is putting more pressure on them than we realize

When it's always the first question asked, the implication is clear.


Studies show that having daughters makes men more sympathetic to women's issues.

And while it would be nice if men did not need a genetic investment in a female person in order to gain this perspective, lately I've had sympathy for those newly woke dads.

My two sons have caused something similar to happen to me. I've begun to glimpse the world through the eyes of a young male. And among the things I'm finding here in boyland are the same obnoxious gender norms that rankled when I was a girl.

Of course, one notices norms the most when they don't fit. If my tween sons were happily boy-ing away at boy things, neither they nor I would notice that they were hemmed in.

But oh boy, are they not doing that.

In fact, if I showed you a list of my sons' collective interests and you had to guess their gender, you'd waver a bit, but then choose girl.

Baking, reading, drawing, holidays, films, volleyball, cute mammals, video games, babies and toddlers, reading, travel, writing letters.

I imagine many of you are thinking at this point: That's awesome that your boys are interested in those things!

There's more. One loves comics and graphic novels but gravitates to stories with strong female protagonists, like Ms. Marvel and The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl.

Cool! I love it.

And sports. They are thoroughly bored by team sports. They don't play them. They won't watch them. They will up- or down-arrow through any number of sporting events on TV to get to a dance contest or to watch competitive baking.

So? Nothing wrong with that.

Those are the kinds of things all my progressive friends say.

But it's often not the message my sons themselves hear from the other adults in their lives, their classmates, and the media.

For example, the first get-to-know-you question they are inevitably asked by well-meaning grown-ups is, "So, do you play sports?" When they say, "No, not really," the adult usually continues brightly, "Oh, so what do you like to do, then?"

No one explicitly says it's bad for a boy not to play sports. But when it's always the first question asked, the implication is clear: playing sports is normal; therefore, not playing them is not.

The truth is that one of them does play a sport. He figure skates, as does my daughter. When people find out that she skates, they beam at her, as if she suddenly has possession of a few rays of Olympic glory. In the days before my son stopped telling people that he ice skates, most of them hesitated and then said, "Oh, so you are planning to play hockey?"

But it's not just what people say. It's all those pesky, unwritten rules. When he was in second grade, my younger son liked the Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew series. But he refused to check any out of the school library. He explained: "Girls can read boy books, but boys can't read girl books. Girls can wear boy colors or girl colors, but boys can only wear boy colors. Why is that, Mom?"

I didn't have an answer.

An obvious starting point — and the one that we have the most control over — is to change the way we speak to the boys in our lives.

As Andrew Reiner suggests in a spot-on essay, we should engage boys in analytical, emotion-focused conversations, just like we do with girls. In "How to Talk to Little Girls," Lisa Bloom offers alternatives to the appearance-focused comments so often directed at young girls: asking a girl what she's reading or about current events or what she would like to see changed in the world. I could copy-paste Bloom's list and slap a different title on it: "How to Ask Boys About Something Besides Sports."

And with a few more built-in nudges, we might expand the narrow world of boyhood more quickly. Boy Scouts could offer badges for developing skills in child care, teamwork, and journaling. Girl-dominated activities like art, dance, gymnastics, and figure skating could be made more welcoming to boys, with increased outreach and retention efforts. My son could write his own essay about trying to fit in to the nearly all-girl world of figure skating, including the times he has had to change clothes in a toilet stall at skating events because there were no locker rooms available for boys.

I used to think that the concept of gender — of "girl things" and "boy things" — was what was holding us back.

Now I see it differently.

The interdependent yin and yang of gender is a fundamental part of who we are, individually and collectively. We need people who like to fix cars and people who like to fix dinner. We need people who are willing and able to fight if needed and people who are exquisitely tuned into a baby's needs. But for millennia, we have forced these traits to align with biological sex, causing countless individuals to be dissatisfied and diminished. For the most part, we've recognized this with girls. But we have a long way to go when it comes to boys. As Gloria Steinem observed, "We've begun to raise daughters more like sons … but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters."

I acknowledge that young boys feeling pressured to be sports fans is not our country's biggest problem related to gender.

Transgender individuals still confront discrimination and violence. The #MeToo movement has revealed to anyone who didn't already know it that girls and women can't go about their everyday lives without bumping into male sexual aggression.

But if our culture shifts to wholeheartedly embrace the whole spectrum of unboyishness, it may play some small role in addressing these other issues, too. Male culture will be redefined, enriched, and expanded, diluting the toxic masculinity that is at the root of most of our gender-related problems.

Boys and girls alike will be able to decide if they would rather be made up of snips and snails, sugar and spice, or a customized mix. And my future grandsons, unlike my sons, won't think twice about wearing pink or reading about a girl detective at school.

This story originally appeared on Motherwell and is reprinted here with permission.


This article originally appeared on 06.20.18

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