15 'social hacks' that make interacting with friends, family and coworkers so much easier
These are all Jedi mind tricks.
Some coworkers are having a conversation.
Humans are infinitely complex beings, but we can also be very predictable. That sounds paradoxical, but just as people are capable of complex feats of reasoning, we also have instinctual, subconscious reactions to everyday events that make it easy to anticipate our behaviors.
There is an art to navigating complex social situations, whether with friends, family, coworkers, customer service people, or business relationships. One of the most significant advantages is knowing how to respond to other people’s behavior correctly. A skillful response in the right moment can make all the difference, whether it means closing a deal, getting someone to like you, or calming down an agitated customer.
A Redditor who goes by the name Orthopod_ace asked the AskReddit forum, “What's the best psychology trick you know?” and nearly 2,000 people shared the social hacks they use when interacting with others.
Many responses centered around easy-to-learn social tricks people can use to change others’ attitudes, opinions, and behaviors. We made a list of 15 of the best psychological tricks, or “social hacks,” as we’re calling them, to help you with your interpersonal relationships.
Here are 15 social hacks that make dealing with friends, family and coworkers much easier.
1. Give kids the illusion of choice
"Any illusion of choice you can give a kid works wonders. ‘It's bedtime, do you want to go potty or brush teeth first?' ; 'Do you want green beans or corn with your chicken nuggets tonight?' ; 'Do you want to clean up the books or the puzzles?'"
2. Silence is golden
"In a negotiation (e.g. when buying a car) stop talking and let the other party speak. Uncomfortable silences work very well in negotiations."
"Silence also works if you think someone is lying to you. Someone lying will instinctively keep trying to convince you, and will often add more noticeable exaggerations."
"Works great in call center work with angry callers, too. And you always have the plausible excuse of 'I'm just ensuring I didn't accidentally interrupt you.'"
3. Greet people with enthusiasm
"If you greet people as though you are excited to see them they will be equally happy to see you. This works great if you work in customer service and don't want to deal with people with bad attitudes."
"Also, to the receiver, you never know how being greeted as if you are important can impact a person. A lot of people walk around thinking they don't matter, no one notices them, they are a burden, etc. Being greeted with a warm, excited hello does make a difference."
4. Ask angry people to rephrase what they're saying
"If someone is angry with me and yelling or whatever. I will calmly say , 'I think I understand, but could you phrase the problem differently to help me understand better?' 9/10 times they stop dead in their tracks, regroup and rephrase calmly and way nicer. In short, getting people to actively think about what and how they say something."
"I like to say 'I hear you, but I just need a minute to process what you're saying.' For some reason that calms people down. I started doing it because it was true."
5. People live up to your expectations
"If you praise people and treat them as if they’re their best selves, and point out all the positive things they do and what you like about their behavior, they’ll do more of it, and they’ll do their best to live up to that expectation. The same goes for if you treat them as losers and only point out what they’re doing wrong; they’ll live up to that as well."
6. You don't need an answer
"Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean they get to decide what sort of answers they can get. If you're asked about a complicated topic, it's okay to say, 'I don't think I have enough information' or 'I think I need to think about it better for an answer' if you don't feel comfortable answering.
7. Mirror people
"When you're trying to connect with someone mirror their body language and keep eye contact. And when interacting with people, try to keep your posture straight and don't close yourself off. Keep your body language open and relaxed and people will enjoy your company more and be more likely to trust you."
There's a lot of science to back up the mirroring theory, also known as the "chameleon effect." Studies show that when we reflect other people's expressions and mannerisms, they are more likely to think of us positively. "Not only do we tend to like people who 'get us,' but we also trust them more, judge them as more attractive than we otherwise would, and feel more connected to them," Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today.
8. Give them the point
"When debating someone, concede a point early on. You will be amazed at what people will concede once they know they are not the first to do so. And they’ll always concede something larger than you have. I negotiate for a living … works like a charm!"
9. Look forward
"When navigating busy sidewalks and people walking towards you, keep getting in your way, keep your eyes focused on where you are going, and don’t make any eye contact. People will glance at your face and instinctively avoid your path. It’s not a perfect solution but it’s a noticeable improvement. Works best if you’re tall you can also fix your target direction on a distant tree if you’re not."
10. Fix relationships through learning
"If you work with someone who you have a stressed relationship, ask them to teach you something. Even if you already know it. It'll help repair the relationship, and that person will never know."
11. Stay calm when dealing with angry people
"When someone is mad at you, stay calm and lower your voice. It confuses their anger response and might just make them feel like they're the crazy one. It’s like turning down the volume on a chaotic playlist!"
12. "Can you explain that?"
"When someone tells you something you find offensive and then tries to play it off as a joke, ask them to explain the joke to you. Awkward silence ensues."
13. Ask for a favor
"People will like you more and be more willing to help you if you ask them for a small, harmless favor. If someone seems to be clashing with you, asking them for help or to do something innocuous for you can actually help that dynamic. It's like their subconscious observes them doing something for you and assumes 'Oh, I guess I help that person, I must like them.'"
This theory is known as the Ben Franklin effect because he wrote about it in his autobiography. “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.” Many believe the psychological phenomenon works due to cognitive dissonance. Our brain can’t stand conflicting beliefs, so when we do a favor for someone, it convinces us we like the person to reduce feelings of discomfort.
14. Positive framing
"Instead of apologizing for a wait, thank them for their patience."
15. Expose a liar
"If you think someone is lying to you, get them to tell their story in reverse order, 'Memento' style. Was a fraud investigator in a previous life and this never failed me."
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."