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'Move in Silence': Science confirms not talking about your goals actually helps you achieve them

Sharing your goals out loud makes you feel closer to finishing them. That's not a good thing.

TikTok: @wemiopakunle, @_alliechen, @mandanazarfhami,
Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals.

Don't roll your eyes: TikTok's latest viral wisdom is backed by hard data—and it's making people rethink their communication habits. We live in a world of chronic oversharing. We post everything, from the routes we run (including screenshots as proof of all that hard work), to the pale-green iced matcha latte sitting at our desks or a present from a boyfriend (who will be tagged prominently, not secretly off screen). Who knows when, but our brains became wired for sharing: to record, to curate, and to post every second of our lives, then consume that of others to a disturbing degree.

So, here's a radical idea: when it comes to goals and plans, try keeping them to yourself. It could be the key to making them a reality.

That's the message behind TikTok's massively popular "Move in Silence" trend, where creators like @noemoneyyy have cracked the contradictory code to success: Instead of broadcasting every big idea or project that runs through your head, if you actually want it to come to fruition, keep your plans to yourself until they're executed. And it's not just a trend; surprisingly, science also supports this muted approach.

@noemoneyyy

Work in private and let the results speak! #privatelife #privatelifehappylife #workinprivate #creatorsearchinsights

"As a former oversharer who used to tell every single friend, every single family member, or a partner everything I was doing, I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself," explains creator @noemoneyyy in a video that's garnered millions of views.

On a different video by @mandanazarfhami, she says, “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your life: that dream job, that city that you want to move to, that dream person, that dream life, that dream anything. Literally keep it to yourself until it’s done.”

Commentors were quick to agree, with one person writing: “From a young age, I never told anyone my next steps. I also taught my husband and son to keep our private matters to themselves and just do things 💯Not many people like it, but who cares🌝🙌🏼🫶🏼”

Another chimed in, “This concept has changed my life for the better.” Others replied, “100 agree 💕” and “100%🙌🏼people can’t ruin what is silent, show results.”

Lil Wayne, famously, agreed when he wrote "Real G's move in silence like lasagna."

@mandanazarghami

monitoring spirits are a real thing - move in silence and watch how much your life changes #fypシ

What's going on here

In a study done by New York University, researchers found that people who kept their goals private worked on tasks for an average of 45 minutes, compared to the 33 minutes of work completed by those who announced their plans in advance. The twist? The people who shared their goals expressed feeling closer to finishing, despite doing approximately 25% less work.

NYU psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, who led the research, concluded that "once you've told other people your intentions, it gives you a 'premature sense of completeness.'" He also found that the brain is made up of "identity symbols," which create one's self-image. Interestingly, both action and talking about action create symbols in your brain, so simply speaking about a future plan or something you want to do satisfies that part of your brain. When we make our goals public, especially ones that matter to us and deal with our identity, our ability to achieve said goal is significantly reduced. As the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words."

Stranger still, in his paper "Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap," Gollwitzer notes that in order for this phenomenon to happen, one must truly care about their goals. "Ironically, this effect was only found for participants who are very committed to their goal!" PsychologyToday notes. "The lesson learned is that the more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be about them."

women, silence, achievements, goals, move in silence Say less and do more. Photo by Darí Dorofeeva on Unsplash

Another reason to keep quiet: If you're a beginner trying something new, sharing your plans could potentially open you up to criticism and negative feedback, which could deter you from even starting. At the University of Chicago, professor Ayelet Fishbach conducted studies to determine how positive and negative feedback affects the pursuit of one's goal. According to Atlassian, she and her team found:

  • When positive feedback signals commitment to a goal, it increases motivation.
  • When positive feedback signals progress, it actually decreases motivation.

"One example the researchers give is a math student who gets a good grade on a test. If she perceives it to mean she likes math, she will study harder. If, however, she sees the high score as a sign she is making progress in the class, she may ease up and study less," they write.

We've all been there: excitedly telling everyone about your grand plans to backpack through Europe, the year you'll finally learn Spanish, or joining the group lesson at the tennis courts you always pass by… only to mysteriously lose all motivation a week later. Turns out, those lovely dopamine bursts that accompany every enthusiastic "That sounds great!" or "You should totally do it!" response might be precisely what's holding you back.

The good news? You don't need to become closed-off and secretive, a hermit on the top of a mountain who's afraid to share any part of themselves with the world. Research suggests that sharing your goals with one or two selected friends who can be trusted to provide meaningful support is still a good idea. Just hold off on the Instagram Live announcement until you've actually accomplished something substantial.

women, silence, achievements, goals, move in silence Shhhhhh Giphy

So, the next time you sit down to write your goals, whether they be a new year's resolution, the day's to-do list, or a five-year plan, think twice about sharing it with others. Give it time and you might have something better to share soon: the results.

Nolwazi Sangweni writes for The Orange Journal: "Moving in silence is staying lowkey and only popping out when the main questions you’ll be asked will start with ‘since when…?’"

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

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8 secret habits that help grandparents build unbreakable bonds with grandchildren

Simple, everyday actions any grandparents can adopt.

Photo credit: Canva

There's something important happening in these tight-knit grandparent-grandchild moments.

You know that moment when a three-year-old runs full-speed into their grandpa’s arms like they haven’t seen him in years, even though it’s only been three days? Or when a sulky teenager who won’t even grunt “hello” to their parents suddenly lights up and starts chatting animatedly with grandma about the latest drama at school?

There’s something happening in these tight-knit moments that goes way deeper than many realize, and scientists have finally figured out what it is.

grandparents, granchild, grandma, grandpa, child Researchers have discovered the secret to long-lasting relationships between grandparents and grandchildren.Photo credit: Canva

The secret that’s been hiding in plain sight

Researchers have spent years trying to understand why some grandparent-grandchild relationships are absolute magic whiles others just…aren’t. In a collection of generational research, scientists and psychologists have studied hundreds of families, tracked brain scans, measured stress hormones, and tracked childhood relationships for decades.

What they discovered was nothing short of amazing—and it might make you want to call your grandparents right now.

Grandparents who create those unbreakable bonds aren’t doing anything extraordinary; actually, it’s the exact opposite. They’re not the ones with the biggest toy budgets or most elaborate vacation plans. Instead, they’re practicing eight surprisingly simple habits that literally rewire children’s brains for trust, empathy, and emotional resilience.

And here’s the kicker: most of them don’t even realize they’re doing it.

via GIPHY


The 8 habits that change everything

(1) They show up for the boring stuff:

Yes, birthday parties and graduation ceremonies are important, but grandparents who build the strongest bonds with their grandchildren understand something profound: random Tuesday afternoons matter just as a much as special occasions.

Child psychologists call this “predictable availability,” and it amounts to something like relationship gold. When kids know that grandma will be there, not just for the big moments, but also for homework help, scraped knees, and all the mundane moments that make up life, something powerful happens in their brain.

They develop what attachment theorists refer to as “earned secure attachment”—an unshakable trust in the other that becomes the bedrock for many other relationships they’ll experience in their lifetime.

via GIPHY

(2) They listen like their life depends on it

In our phone-buzzing, multitasking world, grandparents who offer their grandchildren their complete, undivided attention generate something rare and increasingly precious. We’re talking about the kind of listening where phones remain face-down and eye contact doesn’t waver.

Without distractions, grandparents are able to really connect with the grandchildren in a way they might not experience in other aspects of their lives—and even for youngsters, that goes a long way.


grandparents, granchild, grandma, grandpa, child Grandparents who consistently show up for their grandchildren tend to have more satisfying relationships. Photo credit: Canva

(3) They tell stories that make themselves human

The most powerful grandparent storytellers aren’t the ones with the most exciting tales, like meeting Mick Jagger backstage at a concert (although, that would be kind of cool): they’re the ones who are willing to be vulnerable. When grandpa admits that he failed his driving test twice, or grandma shares how terrified she was on her first day of high school, grandchildren learn important life lessons, like that imperfection is normal and resilience is possible.

In a paper published by Cambridge Development and Psychology, this phenomenon is labeled “narrative coherence.” These stories help children see themselves as a larger part of the family narrative, creating a sense of identity and belonging that research shows reduces anxiety and increases self-esteem.


via GIPHY

(4) They cultivate judgment-free zones

Perhaps the most crucial habit involves cultivating what psychologists call “emotional safety nets.” These grandparents become skilled at offering comfort without conditions; acceptance sans lectures.

Children need at least one adult in their lives who accept them unconditionally. While parents must balance love with guidance and discipline, grandparents are uniquely positioned to fill this crucial role.

“For kids, an extremely important resilience factor is a warm, nurturing relationship with a parent, caregiver, or other adult,” said Dr. Sara VanBronkhorst, a voluntary faculty in psychiatry at Columbia who led a 2023 study published in JAMA Psychiatry. “Our study demonstrates that children who have at least one positive, committed adult-child relationship are less likely to experience depression, anxiety and perceived stress later in life.”

via GIPHY

(5) They let the kids be the teachers

Here’s where it gets fascinating: the strongest grandparent-grandchild bonds often include moments where the child becomes the teacher. When grandparents humble themselves to learn about their interests—Pokémon cards, hour-long YouTube videos about ant colonies, hilarious TikTok filters, etc.—something wonderful occurs.

For children, teaching an adult something, no matter how mundane, validates their knowledge and boosts self-confidence. Research confirms that kids who regularly teach adults develop stronger communication skills and higher self-esteem.

(6) They keep their promises

This might seem obvious, but think back to childhood: how many times did you hear statements like, “I promise I won’t get mad,” and the exact opposite happened? Children’s brains are finely tuned to reliability patterns, meaning, when grandparents consistently follow through on commitments—even tiny ones—they build “earned security.”

This doesn’t need to be nitpicky. For example, when grandpa calls ahead to explain to his grandchild that Crumbl was closed, so he can’t bring the “promised” cookies, but suggests making them together instead, he doesn’t just fulfill a promise. He strengthens the bond by showing that his commitment matters, despite how “small” it may seem.

via GIPHY

(7) They carve out one-on-one time

Family gatherings are crucial, but the deepest bonds form during individual interactions. Research shows that children have multiple aspects to them—different parts of themselves that emerge in various contexts. For example, a quiet child might become suddenly chatty during a solo walk with grandma.

These individual connections don’t require elaborate activities or effort. Sometimes, the most meaningful moments happen between a grandchild and grandparent during simple car rides to the grocery store or while folding laundry together.

(8) They adapt as the kids grow

The grandparents who maintain strong bonds through everything—the terrible twos, that phase when all the child can ask is “Why?”, and the teenage years—understand that all relationships must evolve. This might feel strange at first, like accepting the once-cuddly grandchild who now prefers fist bumps to hugs, or the moody teen who prefers to quietly scroll on their phones during visits.

Grandparents who take this all in stride, who can adapt without taking these changes personally, often find their relationships with their grandchildren to deepen during adolescence.

grandparents, granchild, grandma, grandpa, children The most powerful connections don't spring from grand gestures or expensive gifts.Photo credit: Canva

It’s the simple truth that changes everything

So, the next time you're with your grandchildren—or you're thinking about the grandparents you’re lucky to have in life—remember this: the most powerful connections don’t spring from grand gestures or expensive gifts.

Relationships that matter—relationships that thrive—grow through an accumulation of small moments when someone important chooses to show up, listen with their whole heart, and love without conditions. In a world that increasingly feels divided and disconnected, these grandparent-grandchild relationships offer something quite precious: proof that genuine human connection is still possible, one random Tuesday afternoon at a time.

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Joy

Bill Murray's 7 rules for happiness are a perfect 90-second guide for living the good life

Rule 4: "Tell everyone you're retired."

Adam Chitiyat/Wikipedia

Bill Murray shares his 7 rules for happiness

One of the greatest gifts the Internet bestows upon us is the likelihood of stumbling across the condensed, bite-sized version of someone else’s painstaking research. We’re basically living life with full time SparkNotes access.

This go around, we’re reaping the benefits of the X account Pink Freud spending 15 hours watching Bill Murray interviews, all to find the secret behind his seemingly constant happiness.

As Pink Freud wrote in his caption, “the man laughs like he knows something we don’t. Turns out… he does.”

And perhaps they have a point. While the Groundhog Day actor is no stranger to controversy, he still seems to know a thing or two about emotional resilience, and it’s wisdom that we could all probably apply in our everyday life.

According to Pink Freud, the path to a Bill Murray type of happy life comes down to these seven rules.

1. Chase moments, not meaning.


This is similar to the adage of following your curiosity, rather than passion. Because looking for meaning or purpose can put so much pressure on ourselves, and conversely, we often cultivate meaning when we are in the moment.

2. Forget chasing fame.

“Try being rich first. See if that doesn’t cover most of it. There's not much downside to being rich, other than paying taxes and having your relatives ask you for money. But when you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job.”

This hits two points. One, financial security covers a lot in terms of freedom and security. Get your money squared away so that you don’t yearn for one big break to come along and change your fate. And two, fame rarely gives as much as it takes. As Pink Freud wrote, it “hijacks your nervous system” and “inflates ego” by placing self worth on public opinion, which we all know is incredibly changeable.

3. “The more relaxed you are, the better you are.”

Murray learned early on that relaxation = more fun, and more fun = better work.

“That’s sort of why I got into acting. I realized the more fun I had, the better I did it. And I thought, that’s a job I could be proud of. It’s changed my life learning that, and it’s made me better at what I do.”

Basically, relaxation brought on a more effortless, and joyful performance. You don’t need to be an actor to unlock that freedom.

4. "Tell everyone you’re retired."

This is apparently something that Murray tells people all the time. Pink Freud noted that this way of boundary setting is a way to “protect your energy” and “filter out the noise.”

5. "Be weird as hell"


Pink Freud referenced the well known fact that Murray regularly crashes weddings, writing that it’s a great example of how “dropping your persona” is “the fastest way to remember who you are.”

6. Most health advice is too serious.


“I’m not an alcoholic. I only drink twice a year: on my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday.”

While no one is advocating alcoholism, the point here is that health isn’t about perfection. Be human, rest (without having to “earn” it), and enjoy the treat, whatever that is.

7. “It’s hard to be an artist. It’s hard to be anything. It’s hard to be.”

This is akin to the “choose your hard” quote. Every path in life will have its challenges, especially the worthwhile ones. But, “playing small costs more.”

So, there you have it. Follow the fun. Relax. Don’t take things too seriously. All of these things have indeed been proven to help boost mood, according to science. But sometimes it hits a little deeper coming from a real person who, in this case, just happens to be Bill Murray.

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The world's greatest mentalist reveals 5-second trick to never forget someone's name

It's fun, weird, and will make people like you way more.

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The longer I'm alive, it seems the more people's names that I have to remember. With two kids in school, sports, and other activities, I find myself trying to keep track of dozens of different friends, teammates, siblings, coaches, teachers, and of course, parents. It makes my brain hurt! Lately I've had half a mind to start a spreadsheet so I can start remembering Who's Who.

In order for that to work, I've got to find a way to stop people's names leaving my head immediately after I'm introduced. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It's like people say their name and it just zips right into one ear and out the other! And for that, I went looking for tips when I stumbled upon a good one from a unique sort of expert.

Derren Brown is one of the most famous mentalists in the world, so he knows a thing or two about people. Mentalists are a special breed of magician that focus on tricks and illusions of the mind.

They do things like hynopsis, mind-reading, and impossible predictions. There's trickery, involved, of course; but mentalists are also masters at reading people and have to employ advanced memory techniques to keep track of information they learn during their shows.

In an interview with Big Think, Brown revealed some of his favorite memory hacks; including his 'party trick' to never forget a person's name.

Giphy

The secret is to create a link between the part of your brain that stores information like names, and the visual part of your brain that is more easily accessed.

"You find a link between the person's name and something about their appearance, what they're wearing, their face, their hair, something," Brown says. "You find a link with something that they're wearing so if they're called Mike and they've got big black hair you think, 'Oh that's like a microphone' so I can imagine like a big microphone walking around or if they've got a stripy T-shirt on you imagine a microphone with those stripes going around it.

"And it's the same process later on in the evening you see them, you look at the stripes and you go, 'Oh that's Mike. Oh yeah that's Mike. The hair, why am I thinking the hair is like a big microphone? Oh yes, of course, they're called Mike.'"

Microphone Mike! Any sort of alliteration based on a physical characteristic will work. Stripey Steve, Tall Tim, Green Gene. The more interesting and unique, the better you'll remember.

There is one catch with the technique: You have to actually listen and pay attention when someone tells you their name!

"So, you do have to listen that's the first thing when they say the name," Brown says. "Normally the very moment where someone is giving you their name you're just caught up in a whole lot of social anxiety anyways you don't even hear it, so you have to listen."

Using someone's name when you talk to them has tons of benefits. It conveys respect, friendliness, and intimacy. When you're on the receiving end and someone you've just met uses your name, it just feels good! It feels like it matters to them that they met you.

"And then at the end [of the party] you get to go around and say goodbye to everybody by name and everyone thinks you're very charming and clever," Brown quips.

Listen to the entire, fascinating interview here.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Brown's name-remembering technique is tangential to an ancient philosophy called the "Method of loci".

The method involves attaching things to be remembered (numbers, tasks, facts) to specific places that are easy to visualize in your head. Imagine taking a brain-walk down the street you live on and all the objects or places you might see there. The mailbox, the gnarled tree, the rusty fire hydrant. This memory method asks you to visually associate one thing you want to remember with each item or location. The more strange and visual the image you can create, the better! Brown uses the example of trying to shove a sparkling-clean shirt into his mailbox, reminding him to do his drycleaning.

When you need to recall the item, you just take a little walk in your head down the street.

(Did you know that there's a World Championship of Memory? Most of the best competitors use a version of this technique.)

Giphy

The name hack isn't so dissimilar. You're attaching an intangible, abstract thing (a name) to a specific visual image you can see in your head and even in the real world. But that's just one way of getting better at remembering names! There are all kinds of tips, hacks, and methods you can try.

Some people swear by repeating the name immediately after hearing it. "Hi, my name is Jake." "Hi, Jake, nice to meet you!" (Just don't say someone's name too frequently or you risk coming off a bit slimy.)

Others use a technique similar to Brown's loci idea, but instead of a visual, you lean on things that are already deeply engrained in your memory, like rhymes or free-association. or even celebrities. Mary - had a little lamb. Jake - the Snake. Daisy - flowers. Tom - Cruise.

Another trick (that I've definitely used before) if you do forget someone's name? Introduce them to someone you know! "Hey, this is my wife, Sarah." The person was almost always introduce themselves using their own name, and then you get a second chance at remembering it.

A lot of the best advice really comes down to being intentional about remembering when you're introduced to a new person. Whatever mental gymnastics you choose to do with the name, the mere fact that you're thinking about it with such focus immediately after is a big part of why these 'tricks' help names stick.

It feels really good when someone cares enough to remember your name, so it's definitely worth putting in a little effort of trying to instill that feeling in others.

This article originally appeared in February

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