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helicopter parents

Health

People admit the one thing that Boomers really got right and some folks are uncomfortable

"You have to force yourself to do things that are difficult and uncomfortable."

via Yerling Villalobos/Unsplash

A Baby Boomer has some thoughts on emotional resilience.

An overarching Baby Boomer stereotype is that they have a problem with the younger generations, especially Millennials because they were coddled growing up and lack the determination to do hard things.

Many believe that when helicopter parents shelter kids from discomfort, they never develop the emotional resilience that it takes to succeed on their own.

Some may even attribute this to the increase in mental illness.

A writer on X, who goes by Katie, recently admitted that Boomers who believe facing discomfort has a significant benefit may be right. Her post has been seen over 4 million times.

— (@)

“My boomer-est opinion is that you have to force yourself to do things that are difficult and uncomfortable and you have to do it often, while you’re young and your brain is still flexible." Yes, even if you are (functionally) mentally ill,” Katie wrote. “Buying groceries can be uncomfortable. going to school/work can be uncomfortable. Socializing can be uncomfortable. The more you do it, the less uncomfortable it will be. If you can do these things (I know that there is a % of the population that isn’t), you have to do them often.”

“I’ve never come back to a piece of life advice more than this one,” she continued before quoting Virgil Thompson. “Try a thing you haven't done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time to figure out whether you like it or not.”

Many people agreed with Katie’s Boomer-adjacent thoughts on building emotional resilience.

literally how i forced myself to heal from my social anxiety
— Sunny (@Akpochimara1) March 20, 2024

This is actual science. You literally build pathways in the brain by doing hard things, pathways that make it easier to repeat doing hard things. By quitting, fleeing, avoiding hard stuff you make it less likely you’ll succeed next time. This is actual brain science.
— Tom (@mulltf) March 20, 2024

This is what’s been saving my life from depression, it’s very sound advice even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment!
— Viktoria Katanov ☭ 🇵🇸 (@viktoriakatanov) March 21, 2024

my life only started improving when i forced myself to do the shit i had no desire to do. you either rot in that dark hole or claw your way out of it. having support and encouragement is wonderful, but at the end of the day you’re the only one who can change the outcome
— demon twink from hell (@medi4wh0re) March 20, 2024

Some folks are on the fence.

It is true in a sense, but this ability to "force" oneself may itself be governed by processes you don't have control over.
— Loads of Daffodils (@LODProduces) March 20, 2024

I agree, but the boomer take extends this to include everything: "it's normal to hate your job, your partner, and life itself, and you just have to push through it." Doing initially uncomfortable things to live a better life is good; ignoring your own needs and happiness isn't.
— Matty "Nails" Sheephard (@DeprivedSheep) March 20, 2024

Others disagreed with Katie’s point, saying that the idea that we can all “pull ourselves up by our bootstraps” is ableist and erases the struggles that people with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses have.

I get what you’re saying, but that last part is pretty ableist tbh. Some of us with somatic anxiety disorders are physically unable to do certain things. Like I have issues with driving, and one of my anxiety symptoms is vertigo. Bad combo there. I’m otherwise fully functional.
— Lemur 🏳️‍🌈🇵🇷🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (@floatinglemur) March 20, 2024

Clearly you don't understand that people can have executive dysfunction where this is literally impossible, or PTSD where doing "uncomfortable" things is actually very triggering and can cause full blown panic attacks. You have to be comfortable and safe first.
— B (they/them) (@normalishvegan) March 20, 2024

I can’t exactly force myself to stop being autistic 💀
— Ayden Zabelle (@AydenZabelle) March 21, 2024

So, what does the research say?

Dr. Simon Sherry, a professor in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at Dalhousie University, says that coddling has caused real problems for the younger generations. "There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep kids safe, but we must recognize there are unintended consequences in our current approach of excessive caution and vigilance. Instead, we must teach our youth to face anxiety, take risks, and overcome fears,” Dr. Sherry told CTV News. "We need to get control of this societal problem before it causes further damage for future generations.”

When it comes to confronting uncomfortable situations, Dr. Launa Marques, Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School and Former President of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, says avoiding discomfort can make anxiety even worse.

“Psychological avoidance isn’t about the actions we take or don’t take, but the intentions behind them,” she told The Washington Post. “If our actions aim to squash discomfort hastily, then we’re probably avoiding. For each of my clients, avoidance became a crutch, initially tempering their anxiety but progressively amplifying it. Psychological avoidance, rather than alleviating anxiety disorders, can exacerbate them.

Obviously, everyone’s situation is different and people who are experiencing mental health issues should consult their therapists to determine the best course of action to overcome their challenges.

From Your Site Articles

baby boomers

Family

Mother whose three daughters are CEOs and a doctor shares her one 'unpopular' parenting rule

Did she go too far?

via Wikimedia Commons

Author, educator and mother Esther Wojcicki.

Esther Wojcicki has earned the right to tell people how to raise their kids. She’s an educator, journalist and bestselling author of "How to Raise Successful People" who has raised three daughters—two are CEOs and the other a doctor.

Susan Wojcicki is the CEO of YouTube, Anne Wojcicki is the co-founder and CEO of 23andMe and Dr. Janet Wojcicki is an anthropologist and epidemiologist who works on HIV progression and obesity risk in children.

In "How to Raise Successful People" Esther Wojcicki says the secret to success is the result of “TRICK”: trust, respect, independence, collaboration and kindness. In a new article she wrote for NBC Chicago, she boiled that down to one rule, “Don't do anything for your kids that they can do for themselves.”

“Parents need to stop coddling their kids,” she continues. “The more you trust your children to do things on their own, the more empowered they'll be. The key is to begin with guided practice: It's the ‘I do, we do, you do’ method.”

The “I do, we do, you do” method is used by teachers to gradually give students new responsibilities. The teacher first demonstrates the task, then they do it with the student and finally, the student does it alone.

\u201cSisters Anne Wojcicki, CEO of 23andMe, and Susan Wojcicki, CEO of YouTube, are ranked among America\u2019s top women entrepreneurs \nhttps://t.co/En8Vin9Zl7 #SelfMadeWomen\u201d
— Forbes (@Forbes) 1531332002

Wojcicki says that parents can start with their children by asking them to make their beds, pick their own outfits and to help with dishes and making dinner. It’s funny that every child is raised by a parent who cooks them meals, but an astonishing number of them grow up having no idea how to boil water. Why? Because nobody bothered to get them involved.

As the old saying goes, “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he’ll eat forever.”

\u201cFor all you parents out there. \nYou may want to do something "unpopular" while raising your kids, "How to Raise Successful People" author Esther Wojcicki says. https://t.co/GEkHHnN5q5\u201d
— NBC10 Philadelphia (@NBC10 Philadelphia) 1667227982

“The idea is to teach them how to cope with what life throws at them,” she writes. “One of the most important lessons I taught my daughters is that the only thing you can control is how you react to things.”

Wojcicki’s rules are a reaction to the modern trend of helicopter parenting, which is "overly focused on their children" where parents "take too much responsibility for their children's experiences and, specifically, their successes or failures." This can result in children who grow into adults with lower self-confidence and self-esteem, poor coping skills, increased anxiety and a sense of entitlement.

Simply put, when children are too dependent on their parents, they become ill-equipped to deal with real-world challenges. So when parents think they’re helping their children, they are actually setting them up for failure. Is it any wonder why we live in an age where more and more people suffer from crippling anxiety and depression? The world is a lot scarier when you’re not properly equipped to deal with everyday problems.

“When you trust kids to make their own decisions, they start to feel more engaged, confident and empowered,” Wojcicki writes. “And once that happens, there's no limit to what they can achieve.”

While, at first, this dramatic change in parenting may seem difficult for parents who have a hard time letting go, it’s an opportunity for them to grow. “What I realized, through a lot of conscious effort, is that parenting gives us perhaps the most profound opportunity to grow as human beings,” she writes in "How to Raise Successful People."

This article originally appeared on 11.02.22

From Your Site Articles

parenting

Family

Bedroom or living room parent? Mom sparks debate over where parents hang out in the house.

These are two very different types of parents.

via Maroo927/TikTok and Mik Haupt/Unsplash

Marissa Kile sparks a debate over parenting styles.

Mom and TikTok creator Marissa Kile recently brought up an interesting topic that no one ever discusses but significantly impacts how families interact. According to Kile, there are two types of parents, those who hang out in their bedroom and those who spend time in the living room.

Bedroom parents are comfortable keeping their kids at a distance while they relax. In contrast, living room parents are happy to have their children around during downtime.

“I grew up where like my parents hung out in their bedroom,” she explains in the video. “Like 24/7, they were never in the living room, okay? So, like, going into my parents' bedroom was like a sacred thing. Like, you stood at the door, and you waited for permission to go in, okay?”

However, Kile always wished her parents were spending time with her in the living room. "I always wanted my parents to be in the living spaces with us," she adds.

@maroo927
I DONT hang out in my room.. its just a sleeping zone. Anyone else? #sleepzone #donthangout #herdofkids #fyp #sahm #foryoupage #missouri #

So now that she’s a parent, she spends all her time in the living room. She only uses her bedroom to sleep and notes in the video that it’s not even decorated.

In a follow-up video, she clarified that modern-day bedroom parents are probably different from the ones back in the day who wanted to avoid dealing with their children. “My bedroom parents didn't want to know that we existed. Okay? So, like, when they were in their bedroom, it's because they just didn't want to be around us. And, like, my mom has said so many times, she didn’t want to have kids, okay? And my dad didn't want to either. So, it is what it is,” she explained.

@maroo927
TikTok · MaRoo927

The video created a debate over parenting styles on TikTok, and many parents had to confront what their decisions say about their relationship with their kids. Does being a bed person mean you don't want to spend time with your children or that you're teaching them to be independent?

"My room is my sacred spot. I need to be somewhere I can lay flat and stare at the walls to be alone," Brookeebaby wrote.

"I’m a bed person, and now I feel bad," Paige admitted. "I usually invite my kiddos to come with me tho if that makes a difference."

"Parents were bedroom, and I'm a living room parent… didn’t realize tho. Generational issue broken," Sav wrote.

A user named Noooooo reframed the debate as “couch” versus “bed” people. "There's bed-people and couch-people," they wrote. "Neither is right or wrong. I'm a bed person, so my kids all chill in my room with me."

Even though it’s questionable to generalize people as strict bedroom or living room parents, the comments showed that just about everyone identified as one or the other. In the end, there’s nothing wrong with being a bedroom or living room parent. But Kile’s video did a great job at bringing up the topic so parents can think about where they spend their time in the house and whether it’s the best way to have a healthy and happy home.

From Your Site Articles

parenting

helicopter parents

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"You have to force yourself to do things that are difficult and uncomfortable."

Mother whose three daughters are CEOs and a doctor shares her one 'unpopular' parenting rule

Did she go too far?

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These are two very different types of parents.

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