upworthy
Health

Woman shares texts showing the difference between a healthy and a controlling relationship

Is it a healthy or controlling relationship?

a woman in nature; a tweet overlay and screenshot of a text conversation
Pic from Twitter.

The texting experience between two different men.

Saving old text messages from exes can sometimes be an asset when you need to remember exactly why you left them. Alternately, sometimes digital relics from old relationships serve as a good reminder of how much good we have in our lives currently.

At least, they did for the X user May Larsen, who posted screenshots of two text threads with two very different men in 2018.

The conversation on the left shows how an old conversation went down with an emotionally manipulative ex. While the other screenshot is a prime example of what communication in a healthy partnership looks like.

The emotional dynamics of this exchange are full of red flags.

screenshot of a text exchange

The unhealthy "Don’t cheat" Text.

Pic cropped from Twitter post.

This ex (boyfriend, hookup, whatever he was) went from 0-100 in no time. In fact, the ONLY way this kind of freak out would be excusable would be if they had prior plans she ditched on. Alternately, if he was doing a performance art bit where he embodied Drake's "0-100 / The Catch Up" via text message. Outside of those possibilities, this type of reaction is nothing short of manipulation and emotional abuse.

The second text message showed how Larsen's current partner responds to a simple night out:

relationships, boys, men

The healthy "Let me know when you’re home safe" Text.

Pic cropped from Twitter post.

The difference between these responses to a simple night out on the town is night and day. When comparing the two messages, the red flags really pop.

People on X had a LOT of thoughts about the texts.

A lot of people assumed the texts were from two guys she's currently dating.

That quickly got shut down.

Meanwhile, others were caught up with the fact that her current dude wears a cowboy hat.

Regardless of whether the rest of us are pro cowboy hat (I'm pro if you can pull it off), it seems they've got a healthy situation going. Communication is key, in any kind of relationship.


Update: It looks like May and Cowboy Hat got married in 2020. We love a happy ending!

🤠

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Pura
Pura Fragrances
Justice

Walking Alongside Martu: A journey with one of the world’s oldest living cultures

Pura’s inaugural impact collection honors both sacred traditions and sustainable futures.

James Roh
True

In a world driven by speed, efficiency, and immediate results, it’s easy to forget that lasting change is built on trust. Real impact doesn’t come from rushing toward an end goal or measuring success through lofty metrics. It comes from falling in love with the problem, building a community around it, and sharing a vision for lasting transformation.

Pura, the smart home fragrance company that marries premium fragrance with innovative technology, recently launched its inaugural impact collection with K Farmer Dutjahn Foundation (KFDF) and Dutjahn Sandalwood Oils (DSO). The Pura x Dutjahn partnership began with a clear purpose: to source a sacred ingredient directly from its origin while honoring the land and the people who’ve cared for it. Our goal wasn’t simply to find sandalwood — it was to find a community and an ingredient that embody exceptional land stewardship, ethical harvesting, and transformative, community-led impact. After careful research and over three years of development, we saw an opportunity to secure a premium, luxurious ingredient while supporting a regenerative supply chain that invests in Indigenous-led education, economic opportunity, and land stewardship.

James Roh

Over the past several years, we’ve walked alongside Martu, an Indigenous tribe from the vast Western Australian desert. Martu are one of the oldest living cultures in the world, with a history spanning 60,000 years. As nomadic hunter-gatherers, they have unparalleled ecological knowledge, passed down through generations, making them the traditional custodians of the land. Their approach to sandalwood harvesting isn’t driven by market demand but by a deep respect for seasonal rhythms, land health, and cultural law. Their work adapts to the environment—whether it’s “sorry time,” when mourning pauses activities, or the harsh desert conditions that make travel and communication difficult. Martu operate on Martu time, a deliberate rhythm shaped by millennia of experience, far removed from the rapid-swipe, hyper-productive pace of Western systems.

Martu’s ecological knowledge isn’t documented in baseline reports. It’s lived, carried in stories, and practiced with rigor and respect for the changing needs of the ecosystems. True partnership means unlearning the typical approach. It means standing beside—not in front—and recognizing that the wisdom and leadership we need already exist within these communities. Our role isn’t to define the work, but to support it, protect it, and learn from it.

James Roh

Tonight, as I spoke with Chairman Clinton Farmer and the KFDF team about our focus for this piece, I learned that Clinton’s truck had broken down (again), leaving him to “limp” back to town from the desert at low speeds for hours and hours. He had been awake since 3:00 a.m. This is a common and costly setback, one that disrupts the harvest, demands days of driving, and brings real financial and emotional strain. These barriers are relentless and persistent, part of the harsh reality Clinton and his community face daily. It's easy for outsiders, detached from the reality on the ground, to impose rules, regulations, and demands from afar. Rather than continuing to impose, we need to truly partner with communities — equipping them with the resources to operate sustainably, avoid burnout, and protect the very land they love and care for. All while they endeavor to share these incredible, sacred ingredients with the world and build an economic engine for their people.

There is much to learn, but we are here to listen, adapt, and stay the course. The future we need will not be built in quarterly cycles. It will be built in trust, over time, together.

To learn more about the partnership and fragrances, visit Pura x Dutjahn.

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Joy

The 4 words that can keep conversation flowing forever, even between socially awkward people

You can keep seamlessly transitioning to more interesting topics.

via Canva/Photos

A couple talking over coffee.

Many people find making small talk to be an excruciating experience. They think it’s boring to talk with a stranger about the weather, sports, or weekend plans. They may also feel like they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation, or they don’t understand the point of having one in the first place.

However, those who excel at making small talk have a tremendous advantage in their professional and romantic relationships, as well as in forming new friendships. Most importantly, small talk is a window to transition into medium talk or, eventually, deep, meaningful conversations. The problem is that many people get stuck in small talk, and things stall before progressing to something beneficial.

conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminderA man and woman chatting.via Canva/Photos

How to get better at small talk

The great thing is that, like anything, making small talk is a skill that we can all improve by learning some simple conversation techniques. One technique that is great for keeping a conversation going, like hitting a ball back and forth past a net in tennis, is a simple statement: It reminds me of…”

A redditor named IsaihLikesToConnect shared some great examples of how the phrase can be used to turn a mundane topic, such as the weather, into something much more fun.

Them: "It's been really rainy, huh?"

You:

Option 1 (Personal Story): "Yeah, it reminds me of a time I went on a run in the rain and nearly got hit by a car."

Option 2 (Music / Pop Culture): "It reminds me of every Adele song. When I'm driving, I feel like I'm in a music video."

Option 3 (Family): "It reminds me of my dad, he used to love playing with us in the rain as kids."

Option 4 (Thing you watched / World News): "It reminds me of this documentary I saw where they're trying to make it rain in the Sahara Desert.”

Option 5 (Place you lived): “It reminds me of when I lived in Australia, it barely ever rained there. I actually love this weather.”


conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminderCoworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

You see in this example that using “It reminds me of…” opened up the conversation to five potential new and more exciting topics. The “You” in the story could have responded with, “Yeah, it sure is rainy,” and the conversation would have ended right there. But instead, branching off the topic of rain into something a bit deeper took the conversation to the next level. You get extra points if you can take the “reminds me of” into a topic that you assume the other person will be interested in.

conversation, small talk, conversation tips, communications tips, medium talk, reminderCoworkers having a conversation.via Canva/Photos

What’s a polite way to change the topic in a conversation?

Using “this reminds me of…” is also a polite way to move the topics in another direction, especially when it's a topic that you don’t want to discuss or one that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Or, if it’s a situation where the other person is monologing on one topic for a very long time, this makes it easy to transition away from their diatribe.

Ultimately, the phrase is an excellent way for you to save the person you’re talking to from being stuck in the small talk rut as well. It shows you understand that when someone brings up the weather, they are merely getting things started with something both of you have in common. They probably don’t want to talk about the weather for 30 minutes, unless they are a meteorologist. “It reminds me of…” is an invitation to go a bit deeper and shows the other person that you’d like to learn more about them.

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Democracy

A mysterious note found inside a violin constructed in Dachau has been found 80 years later

"Remember me, remember us."

www.publicdomainpictures.net

Art of an Older Man Playing Violin.

In the face of the darkest of tragedies, there can be kernels of hope and moments of unimaginable light. For many oppressed people throughout time, music is one of those kernels. That was certainly the case for some Jewish people faced with unthinkable horrors during the Holocaust—a time when the morality of humanity itself was challenged to its core.

The Violins of Hope Project was founded by Avshalom Weinstein and his son Amnon. over the life of the project, they have amassed a collection of stringed instruments with connections to the Holocaust which they then restore for musicians around the world to play. In a video posted to Today's YouTube, NBC's Jesse Kirsh reports, "It harnesses powerful music with a special collection of violins and other string instruments originally owned by victims of the Holocaust and honors their legacy by keeping their music alive."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

On the Philharmonic Society's website, they share, "All instruments have a common denominator: they are symbols of hope and a way to say, 'Remember me, remember us. Life is good, celebrate it for those who perished, for those who survived. For all people.'"

Sadly, Amnon passed in 2024, but "his extraordinary legacy lives on through this collection, ensuring that the memories and music of those who suffered are never forgotten. Each instrument tells a story, and serves as a symbol of hope and remembrance."

Now, something extraordinary has been found inside of a violin, reported to have been built inside the Dachau concentration camp. According to an article by Associated Press reporter Justin Spike, "A Jewish prisoner secretly penned a short note and hid it inside a violin he had crafted under harrowing circumstances—a message to the future that would remain undiscovered for more than 80 years."

The note read: "Trial instrument, made under difficult conditions with no tools or materials. Dachau, Anno 1941, Franciszek Kempa."

The article relays that the wooden violin was built by Franciszek "Franz" Kempa in 1941 while a prisoner in the Nazi camp in Germany. "It wasn’t until art dealers in Hungary sent the instrument out for repairs—after having stored it for years among a set of purchased furniture—that its history came to light." He later adds, "It is the only known instrument actually built inside the camp."

Franz, an expert violin-maker, survived Dachau and, "according to documents provided to the Hungarian art dealers by the museum at the Dachau memorial site…returned to his native Poland to continue making instruments before dying in 1953."

His instrument-making expertise might have been the very thing that spared him from death. One of the art dealers, Tamás Tálosi, beautifully states, "We named it the ‘violin of hope’ because if someone ends up in a difficult situation, having a task or a challenge helps them get through a lot of things."

This miraculous violin surviving maddening conditions can perhaps be seen as a symbol not just of hope, but of perseverance. Alongside other instruments, it can sing through its strings what is impossible to speak in words. And it can hopefully inspire a better world where our memories of history prevent us from repeating it.


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Science

The oldest whales in the ocean were alive before 'Moby-Dick' and have the harpoons to prove it

These gentle giants have lived through history.

via PIxabay

A humpback whale swimming.

You're probably familiar with the literary classic "Moby-Dick." But in case you're not, here's the gist: Moby Dick is the name of a huge albino sperm whale. (Get your mind outta the gutter.) There's this dude named Captain Ahab who really really hates the whale, and he goes absolutely bonkers in his quest to hunt and kill it, and then everything is awful and we all die unsatisfied with our shared sad existence and—oops, spoilers!

OK, technically, the narrator Ishmael survives. So it's actually a happy ending (kind of)!

whales, Moby Dick, poaching endangered species, sperm whale, old drawing, whalersIllustration from an early edition of Moby-Dickvia Wikimedia Commons

Basically, it's a famous book about revenge and obsession that was published back in 1851, and it's really, really long.

It's chock-full of beautiful passages and dense symbolism and deep thematic resonance and all those good things that earned it a top spot in the musty canon of important literature. There's also a lot of mundane descriptions about the whaling trade as well (like, a lot). That's because it came out back when commercial whaling was still a thing we did.

In fact, humans used to hunt more than 50,000 whales each year to use for oil, meat, baleen, and oil. (Yes, I wrote oil twice.) Then, in 1946, the International Whaling Commission stepped in and said "Hey, wait a minute, guys. There's only a few handful of these majestic creatures left in the entire world, so maybe we should try to not kill them anymore?"

And even then, commercial whaling was still legal in some parts of the world until as recently as 1986.

And yet by some miracle, there are whales who were born before "Moby-Dick" was published that are still alive today.

What are the odds of that? Honestly, it's hard to calculate since we can't exactly swim up to a bowhead and say, "Hey, how old are you?" and expect a response. (Also, that's a rude question — jeez.)

Thanks to some thoughtful collaboration between researchers and traditional Inupiat whalers (who are still allowed to hunt for survival), scientists have used amino acids in the eyes of whales and harpoon fragments lodged in their carcasses to determine the age of these enormous animals—and they found at least three bowhead whales who were living prior to 1850. Granted those are bowheads, not sperm whales like the fictional Moby Dick, (and none of them are albino, I think), but still. Pretty amazing, huh?

Bowhead whales reach an average length of 35 to 45 feet, and they are believed to live over 200 years. One of the big reasons for their longevity is that they have genes that may allow for the repair of damaged DNA. Researchers believe that the bowhead is the whale with the longest lifespan. Baleen whales have been found to live longer than toothed cetaceans such as the sperm whale or orca,


bowhead whales, whaling, whaling history, ancient whales, balaena mysticetus, baleen whalesA bowhead whale.via Wikimedia Commons

This is a particularly remarkable feat considering that the entire species was dwindling near extinction.

Barring these few centenarian leviathans, most of the whales still kickin' it today are between 20 and 70 years old. That's because most whale populations were reduced to 10% or less of their numbers between the 18th and 20th centuries, thanks to a few over-eager hunters (and by a few, I mean all of them).

Today, sperm whales are considered one of the most populous species of massive marine mammals; bowheads, on the other hand, are still in trouble, despite a 20% increase in population since the mid-1980s. Makes those few elderly bowheads that much more impressive, huh?

bowhead whales, whaling, whaling history, ancient whales, balaena mysticetus, baleen whales, bowhead bonesA bowhead whale skeleton.via Emoke Denes/Wikimedia Commons

Unfortunately, just as things are looking up, these wonderful whales are in trouble once again.

We might not need to worry our real-life Captain Ahabs anymore, but our big aquatic buddies are still being threatened by industrialization — namely, from oil drilling in the Arctic and the Great Australian Bight. In the off-chance that companies like Shell and BP manage not to spill millions of gallons of harmful crude oil into the water, the act of drilling alone is likely to maim or kill millions of animals, and the supposedly-safer sonic blasting will blow out their eardrums or worse.

This influx of industrialization also affects their migratory patterns — threatening not only the humans who depend on them, but also the entire marine ecosystem.

And I mean, c'mon — who would want to hurt this adorable face?

bowhead whales, whaling, whaling history, ancient whales, balaena mysticetus, baleen whalesA bowhead whale poking its head out of the water.via Kate Stafford/Wikimedia Commons

Whales might be large and long-living. But they still need our help to survive.

If you want another whale to make it to his two-hundred-and-eleventy-first birthday (which you should because I hear they throw great parties), then sign this petition to protect the waters from Big Oil and other industrial threats.

I guarantee Moby Dick will appreciate it.

This article originally appeared ten years ago.

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Pop Culture

Will Ferrell answers rapid fire questions from Stephen Colbert, and it's delightfully weird

A rollercoaster of unhinged to poetic that only Will Ferrell can deliver.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert/Youtube

This funny man likes to take the window seat while traveling to see all the "dead bodies," i.e. trees.

For those not up to speed with all things Stephen Colbert—during his Colbert Report days, the television host popularized a bit called the "Colbert Questionert," where he asked the same 15 questions (covering the ”full spectrum of human experience") to whichever celebrity guest he was interviewing at the time.

That bit lives on with the Late Show, and during the show’s April 29 episode, Anchorman star Will Ferrell was asked those trademark "ergonomically designed” questions.

His answers were every bit as unserious as you’d might expect…from declaring the “classic” salami and grapefruit on rye with a light sheen of mayo as the “best sandwich” (which, actually, does sound pretty delectable), to naming penguins as the “scariest animal (“you know the old phrase, don’t turn your back on a penguin"). You can definitely tell Colbert is working very, very hard to keep himself together.

And yet, when asked, “What do you think happens when we die?” things took a bit of a profound turn.

“What I know happens…we turn into trees.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

He went on to say that once that happens, you’ll still be "experiencing" things, and “contributing to the world,” but…”that’s it.”

“And you know this…how?” Colbert replied.

“I just know it,” said Ferrell before immediately dubbing Sense and Sensibility as his favorite action movie followed by a full-on spontaneous acapella duet with Colbert of Rick Astley’s "Never Gonna Give You Up”— the one song Ferrell would pick if he could only listen to one song for the rest of his life. If that’s not life in a nutshell, I don't know what is: beauty, silliness, and everything in between.

Rickroll Never Gonna Give You Up GIFfrom Rickroll GIFs


Whether you find answers to this ultimate mystery in religion, a spiritual practice, science, or simply accepting that you’ll never know, the one truth of it all is that our bodies go back into the earth in some way or fashion. Some might find this concept unsettling, while others find it deeply meaningful—so much so that they opt for biodegradable urns or pods to house their remains which are then planted with a tree, allowing the remains to nourish the tree as they decompose and it grows.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

So, while Ferrell was obviously taking on the funny man role, he also seemed to pull one of the oldest clown tricks in the book: offering poignant wisdom.

By the way, if you want to host your own little Colbert Questionert, here are the 15 questions:

  • Best sandwich?
  • What's one thing you own that you really should throw out?
  • What is the scariest animal?
  • Apples or oranges?
  • Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
  • What do you think happens when we die?
  • Favorite action movie?
  • Favorite smell?
  • Least favorite smell?
  • Exercise: worth it?
  • Flat or sparkling?
  • Most used app on your phone?
  • You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
  • What number am I thinking of?
  • Describe the rest of your life in five words?
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Modern Families

Woman calls out double standard of baby boomer parents who begged her to have kids

You can't have it both ways.

via Canva/Photos

A stressed mother and her baby boomer parents.

There is a strange phenomenon that occurred in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, when Gen Xers and older millennials were raised: their baby boomer parents were not around very much. This generation of children was often taken care of by daycares or attended school with keys strung around their necks, and when they came home, they were told not to answer the door until a parent arrived. They were the children raised during both the divorce epidemic and the time when, for many families, both parents had to work.

However, the least parented generation in American history had great relationships with their grandparents, who loved to spend time with them and take on babysitting duties. But now that the kids raised in the ‘70s, ‘80s, and '90s have children, they’re noticing something interesting: the parents who weren’t around to raise them aren’t that into being grandparents either.

There is a lot of talk about the differences between baby boomers as grandparents and their parents from the Silent Generation. Some believe it’s because baby boomers have more money than their parents, who were raised at a time when grandparents played a more significant role in child-rearing. After all, they didn't expect to travel or have busy social lives.

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generationA baby boomer couple.via Canva/Photos

This generation trend begs the question: Why do boomer parents beg their kids to have children, but shy away when it comes to spending time with them? An upset mother shared about the double standard on Reddit.

“My mother, a devout Christian, always preached the importance of getting married and having children. Now that I’ve done both (and happily so) and moved to be closer to her, she has very little interest in hanging out with us and never, ever offers to watch her grandkids,” she wrote. “I’ve been reading up on this, and it seems that it’s not uncommon. After moving across the country during COVID, I had dreams of my mom wanting to be an active part of our lives. The sad truth of it is, is that I see her maybe once more a year than when I lived across the country…and it’s not for lack of trying on my part.”

The post resonated with many mothers her age who had experienced the same problem. Their boomer parents begged them to have children, but they won’t lift a finger to see them.

“Yup, completely describes my boomer parents. They begged and begged for us to relocate back to my home city. Still, as we began searching for new job opportunities/places to live, we naturally discussed the possibility of them spending some alone time with the grandkids from time to time,” another mom wrote. “That was a full stop for them. Both my parents insisted they’d retired from child watching duties and would not ever be utilized as ‘babysitters.’ The only acceptable option for them was for us to be present the entirety of the time their grandkids were interacting with them.”

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation, grandma, gardeningA grandma in the garden. via Canva/Photos

“I think you hit the nail on the head. A lot of the boomers want to be 'seen' as 'good grandparents' while not doing a damn thing,” another mom added.

Another mom noted that their grandparents were amazing, but their parents are the exact opposite. “What’s crazy is I spent TONS of time with my grandparents as a child. I’d routinely be dropped off on the weekends and weeknights,” the mother wrote. “My grandparents picked me up from school regularly. It’s not like my grandparents were doing the same behavior, and therefore it’s a learned generational thing.”

baby boomers, parenting, grandparents, baby boomer grandparents, me generation, Baby boomers throwing up a peace sign. via Canva/Photos

One mother in the thread had some sympathy for baby boomers who felt a lot of pressure to have children, regardless of whether they wanted them or not. She believes that now they’re getting their time back. “It’s because even though Boomers had the physical choice to become parents, they didn’t have the cultural/social choice. Whenever I hear this story, I figure the grandparents didn’t really want children. It also explains why we were at our grandparents so often: anything they could do to not be around us, they took it up,” she wrote.

It’s wrong to paint an entire generation with the same brush, and there are, no doubt, plenty of wonderful baby boomer grandparents out there. However, it’s not surprising that a group of people once called the “Me Generation” is more reluctant to spend time with their families than those who came before them. One wonders if their feelings toward family will change when they become the ones who need to be cared for?

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