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Two white girls were given black dolls and reacted oppositely. Here's why.

​​You may have seen a video going around Facebook last week that was pretty much the worst.

In the video, two adorable, young white kids open their Christmas presents from their aunt and what sounds like their uncle. The gifts are black baby dolls. The woman recording, presumably their mom, asks the girls if they like the dolls, and the older daughter offers a half smile and mutters, "Uh huh." 

Someone in the background laughs, and the mom then asks the younger daughter if she likes the doll. The young girl begins to cry and shakes her head no — as the background laughter continues and gets louder. 


"What's wrong?!" the mom asks in a high-pitched voice, and the younger daughter responds by throwing the doll, still in its box, while wailing. 

That awful 41 seconds reminded me of a rather famous Denis Leary quote.

As terrible as that video — and what those young girls are being taught — is, something good came from it in the form of an even shorter video with a very powerful message that quickly went viral. It came from a mom who knows exactly what Denis Leary meant, a mom who's raising actively anti-racist kids. 

Katie Nachman, who's almost finished with her master's in social work and who is a mom of three (ages 4, 7, and 8), saw the video and was bothered because it's exactly the opposite of the way she parents her kids.

Photo provided by Katie Nachman, used with permission.

She was so bothered, in fact, that she went upstairs immediately after watching it and asked her girls, who'd already gotten into bed and were getting ready to go to sleep, a few questions about the black dolls they received for Christmas.

"I was pretty shocked and appalled because it seemed very clear to me that the parents and the aunt and possibly uncle were playing some sick, twisted joke on these kids, and the fact that the joke was racially based was beyond my comprehension," she said in a phone interview. "I thought, you know, I’m horrified enough about it as a white woman. How would a person of color feel, watching this video and seeing a girl throw a baby doll down on the floor in disgust?"

Here's the video and the commentary Katie uploaded to Facebook.

(Be sure to expand the post to read her full message. It's important.)

​As a parent, Katie is doing everything she can to raise kids who will grow into adults who are not only loving and accepting of everyone, but who take an active role in fighting racism — even though it doesn't directly affect them.

Katie buys her kids dolls of all colors and ethnicities. She knows that's not going to end racism; she's not naive, and besides, people reminder her all the time that it won't. But having diverse dolls and toys for her kids is just a small part of what she's doing.

Photo via iStock.

"I feel like any small step in the direction toward racial justice is worthwhile," she told Upworthy. "Dolls represent people, and kids use dolls as learning tools ... so if they have dolls who are different races and they're treating them like their friends or their babies — taking care of them and playing with them, loving them — I think it sets a precedent for how they're going to treat people of other races throughout their lives." 

She talks to her kids often and honestly. One day, that talk centered around protesters who were marching because a young black boy was killed by police in her town. Her then-6-year-old son thought it was a parade, and she explained in child-appropriate terms what a protest was, why people were having one, and how racial bias disproportionately affects people of color. She talks about slavery, white privilege, and what her kids can do to make the world a better place. 

She never expected her video to go viral — who does?! But Katie did want to share a message with her circle of friends when she uploaded it. (It's a huge bonus that the message is being spread far and wide.)

Katie's incredibly adorable kids! Photo provided by her, used with permission.

She said that so many good, kind white parents teach their kids to love everyone and that everyone is beautiful and valuable, but "what I really wanted people to know is that everyone is not equal in this country. Just because it's 2016 does not mean racism does not exist."

"Being colorblind is not OK. You're your kids' first teacher. You need to set the example for them."

"Just because slavery was a long time ago and the civil rights movement was a long time ago doesn't mean people have equal access to opportunity in this country. I wanted people to know that being colorblind is not OK and that you really need to be active in teaching your kids. You're their first teacher, you're the person they look up to the most. You need to set the example for them." 

While the adults in the original video may have been blatantly awful, a lot of good white parents try to do something they feel is better — but it turns out it's still very damaging.

The outdated notion of colorblindness centers around the idea that it's best to treat people as equals and to totally ignore difference in race and ethnicity. It may feel good for white folks to subscribe to that belief, but in reality, anyone who's not visually impaired does see color, kids included. 

And bias — whether implicit or explicit — happens as a result of the combination of our seeing color and the subtle message we absorb from media and the people around us. When those of us who have the power to do something about racism and racial bias pretend it doesn't exist, we're only allowing it to continue and even worsen. 

When parents raise their kids to be colorblind, they're well-intentioned and they're certainly not racist. I get it. I used to consider myself colorblind, and I may have done the same if I hadn't adopted two children of color and gotten an eye-opening front-row seat to incredible amount of bias and racism people of color face every single day. 

But it turns out that subscribing to and teaching the colorblind belief only perpetuates the problems those very same parents want to end. And when you know better, you do better. We know better now. We have to do better, and we can follow Katie's lead and make the world a better place for all of our kids.

All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

True

A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.
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This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5

@jothemama

This validates my burn out, right? #momtok #momsoftiktok #sahm #boymom #toddlermom #toddlersoftiktok #3under5

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