This man's open letter to bullies went viral. Now he has even more to say.
Kerry Magro wants to teach us 4 things about autism and bullying.
A few days before the beginning of October (which we should note is Bullying Prevention Month), Kerry Magro published a letter on his blog.
Soon after that, Magro's letter went viral on Reddit.
Magro has autism and he addressed his former bullies head-on in that letter.
He wrote:
"When I was in public school, I used to be bullied by people like you. You would see me in the corner, usually trying to keep to myself and wonder why I was there. Other times you would see me having issues reading out loud in class and snicker while I tried to pronounce different words.
You'd take my inability to understand sarcasm as a way to get me in trouble. Worst of all, you'd make me feel like an outsider when more than anything I wanted to fit in."
He also addressed others who bully people with special needs.
Magro may look like the picture-perfect professional today. He has a college degree, he founded a nonprofit, and he has a successful career as a public speaker, author, and consultant.
Magro, seen here speaking about living with autism in front of a large group. Photo via Kerry Magro, used with permission.
But his whole point is that autism doesn't look like any one thing. He challenges autism stereotypes every day. In his open letter, Magro has a few lessons to teach us all — not just the people who harass people with special needs.
Here's what we can learn.
1. Words have power.
In his letter, Magro wrote:
"Words can hurt people. Whether you understand the impact that you have, please try to put yourself in the shoes of the people you harass. If you did, you'd know that I struggled as a kid, and many people do at times … not only those with special needs but anyone who may not be classified as ... 'normal.'"
According to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health, victims of bullying are five times more likely to develop a depressive disorder, 14 times more likely to have a panic disorder, and 10 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts.
"I can tell you from experience that it's harmful to have those feelings bottled up when it's happening directly to you," Magro told me.
2. We should all be speaking up for each other.
"Some people can't stand up for themselves due to their different limitations when a bully attacks them," Magro wrote in his letter.
When Magro was younger, bullies would pick on him because he had communication delays, which also made it harder for him to speak up and let an adult know what was going on.
It's so important for kids (and adults) who see bullying to say something if they see something. Photo via iStock.
"Studies have shown that more than half of bullying situations stop when a peer intervenes," Magro told me. “That means educating our kids as much as ourselves about the harmful effects that bullying can have."
3. It's important to treat people with special needs like ... people.
Let's have an honest moment here: It's not enough to refrain from bullying a person with special needs. To be better advocates, we also shouldn't treat autism or any other diagnosis as a "one-size-fits-all" condition.
"It's important for people to understand that if you've met one individual with autism you've met one individual with autism," Magro said.
Two common statements that Magro hates hearing? "You don't look like you have autism" and "You have autism? I would have never known."
"When you interact with someone with autism, look beyond the diagnosis. I've always told people that 'autism doesn't define me' and 'I define autism,'" he added.
4. Accept people with special needs for who they are.
Magro wrote:
I wanted to share this letter with you today in the hopes that if you ever read it, that you will think again before you bully someone who may seem a little bit different than you are.
You may not know this, but 1 in 5 Americans today has a disability. I hope you can learn compassion.
Tolerance, respect, and compassion are key for building a community in which everyone, including people with special needs, can thrive.
"Bullying today is one of the most critical and sensitive topics our loved ones have to face," Magro told me. "Let's be ready for [the bullies] with unconditional love, awareness, and acceptance along the way."
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.