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Rural Texas dad shares what he told his son when they saw a trans woman for the first time

His simple message is an example for all parents.

@oddragon226/TikTok

James Barlow shares his story on TikTok.

A dad is sharing his first encounter with a transgender woman in his small Texas town, and the simple lesson he taught his son is inspiring hope in others.

James Eric Barlow (oddragon226 on TikTok) shared a video from his car describing how he and his son saw a trans woman in real life for the first time. "We all know that there's people that are disgusted whenever they see a trans person," Barlow begins. "And we all know of the people who don't care if they see a trans person.

"But apparently, we're a third type of person (or at least I am, I can't speak for him)," he says, indicating his son in the backseat who chimes in with "I am, too!"

Barlow then goes on to explain how they had just had their first experience with a trans woman. It wasn't anything major—she just walked through a door behind them and Barlow held the door for her, just as he would any other person. He didn't even notice she was trans at first, but once he did, his immediate reaction was one we can all learn from.

"When I tell you how happy it made me," he says, beginning to tear up, "to be able to see somebody be out and open to the world here in small town Texas. You just gotta know how much bravery that takes. Right, Mikey?"

"Hell yeah!" the son agrees.

Barlow wanted to say something to her, but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, either.

"But if you're a trans woman and you came here to the Landmark truck stop in Clyde, Texas, just know we're proud of you," he concludes.

@oddragon226

our first trans woman experience #trans #transwoman #transpeoplearepeople #transrights #translivesnatter

Barlow's video was shared on Reddit, where it's received 37,000 upvotes and a slew of comments that prove parents set the tone for their kids' sense of acceptance.

"Indoctrinate your children with kindness, compassion, consideration and respect for others." - Toddthmpsn

"When I was younger I would get my hair cut by a woman named Liz. She spoke Spanish so it was hard for to understand her English sometimes. My dad spoke Spanish so would translate for her and me. I noticed Liz looked a little different then other women. But I never said anything, I never felt any differently about her. She never scared me, or made me question anything. She was just Liz. As I got older I realized she was a trans woman. And it literally changed nothing. She was still just Liz. Liz was always kind and treated everyone warmly. I havnt seen her in years but I hope she is doing well. I really liked her." - PerplexedPoppy

"This literally happened to me as a child in the 80s. A cashier at a store we visited suddenly started dressing in a feminine style and it appeared that they were transitioning. My mom explained to me in an age appropriate way that sometimes people decide they want to be a man instead of a woman, or a woman instead of a man. She told me that people would probably be mean to the cashier and it was important for us to remember that and always be polite to her, as we would anyway. This was way before trans issues were as mainstream as they are now, but my mom had seen an episode of Phil Donahue where transwoman discussed their stories, and she recognized it as a medical issue. Core memory for me." - ZipCity262

"As a trans woman, im deathly afraid whenever I have to go to rural areas. I can instantly feel physical tension when I walk into a gas station or a restaurant in these areas. Thank you for being supportive. Trans people need you now more than ever." – rainbow_lenses

It really is a simple matter to accept people as they are and treat all humans with dignity, kindness and respect, even if we don't fully understand them. And as this dad and son show, it's a simple matter to demonstrate non-judgmental acceptance in front of our kids so they hopefully will grow up without being bound by chains of bigotry they'll later have to learn to unload.


This article originally appeared on 7.7.23

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Trans comedian shares her transition journey on TikTok in an uplifting and funny way

"I am grateful for every single human being that's along with me."

Photo by Kyle on Unsplash

Transitioning is easier with humor and supporters.

Transitioning can be a scary and lonely process depending on the support system a person has available to them. In some ways it can be intimidating when the only examples someone has are people who are already fully transitioned, or have spent years living fully out as their gender discovered after birth. A comedian from Los Angeles, Dylan Mulvaney, found herself looking around for folks that were in the early stages of transitioning when she was starting her journey. She started recording videos for her own use, but quickly found herself with more than a million followers.

Mulvaney had discovered long ago that she was indeed a girl, and made the declaration to her mother at the age of 4, she told Good Morning America. "When I was 4 years old, I came to my mom and said, 'Mom I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. Help!'” Mulvaney began her transition journey at the age of 25, stating that "ultimately, I had to do that to honor who I truly am. And now I've never been happier. And it feels so good to know that, like, all of the darkness throughout my life, all of the experiences that I've gone through ... the hard conversations have all been worth it."

Mulvaney has been sharing her journey with humor and while her videos were meant to be a sort of diary to mark how far she has come, she has been touched by the amount of support she has received. She gained her first million followers in just three weeks, and told GMA, "I didn't know I was this worthy of love or this worthy of attention, and there's something really affirming in the fact that, like, I now know that like I am a good person. I have good to put out in the world," Mulvaney said. "I am grateful for every single human being that's along with me."

@dylanjamesmulvaney

Day 11- Hormones 🏳️‍⚧️🌈❤️ #trans #hormones

Mulvaney shares her series titled “Day ___ of Girlhood” where she not only documents her transition, but points out things she had not considered before beginning to transition. In one of her videos she shares about how she froze when a woman in a public restroom stall asked to borrow a tampon. Before transitioning, she had not thought about being asked for a tampon, but since that interaction, she keeps them in her purse in case anyone should need one when she’s around.

@dylanjamesmulvaney

Day 12- TAMPONS #trans #tampon

Mulvaney says she’s received messages from people who have been encouraged by her journey and have decided to now come out to their families as trans. Parents of trans children have told her that they watch her videos with their children. "Anytime that a trans person reaches out and says that, like, I'm going through the same thing ... that is, like, such a gift," she says, "because I want to represent the trans community in the best light possible. The support from cis women has been insane and magical, because it feels like I really am part of something now and they've like accepted me into womanhood."


Mulvaney went on to share a message for people who are thinking about transitioning, "First of all, I'm proud of you," she said. "Second of all, take your time. This is not a race. It is probably one of the biggest decisions you'll ever have to make in your life and one of the craziest journeys that you'll go on. Start with people that you know, 100%, will support you and love you." Sharing her story can help others feel comfortable to share theirs. It can also help destigmatize what it means to be trans. While Mulvaney didn’t set out to be in the spotlight with her transition, she’s embracing her new found TikTok fame and showing people how to show up authentically as themselves, while being vulnerable and honest.

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Utah Republican risks political career by speaking out against party's transgender sports bill

Robert Gehrke/YouTube

Utah state senator Daniel Thatcher voted against overriding the governor's veto of an anti-trans bill.

We live in an era of hyperpartisanship in the U.S., one that is shaking the very foundations of our democratic experiment. It's exactly the scenario George Washington tried to warn us about in his farewell address when he called "the Spirit of Party" our "worst enemy," which would eventually lead to "the ruins of public liberty."

Politicians are so entrenched in partisanship that it's rare to see an elected official take a moral stand that goes against the party line. When we do see it, it's often from a politician who doesn't have much to lose—someone who is retiring or isn't up for reelection soon enough for their going against the grain to impact their career.

But every once in a while we see an elected official truly take a risk to do what they believe is right. Such is the case with Utah state senator Daniel Thatcher, who is up for reelection this year and who spoke out against a state bill banning transgender kids from playing sports that align with their gender identity.

The bill, which did not receive any public input or debate, was amended in the final hours of the legislative session to create the all-out ban on transgender girls competing in girls' sports, and was passed in the Utah House and Senate earlier in March. However, it hit a road bump when Utah's Republican governor Spencer Cox vetoed it, citing multiple issues with the bill, including the fact that out of the 75,000 high school athletes in Utah, four are transgender—and only one is a trans girl.

"Four kids and only one of them playing girls sports," Governor Cox wrote. "That’s what all of this is about. Four kids who aren’t dominating or winning trophies or taking scholarships. Four kids who are just trying to find some friends and feel like they are a part of something. Four kids trying to get through each day. Rarely has so much fear and anger been directed at so few."

He also pointed out that 86% of trans youth report suicidality and 56% of trans youth have attempted suicide.

"I am not an expert on transgenderism," he wrote. "I struggle to understand so much of it and the science is conflicting. When in doubt however, I always try to err on the side of kindness, mercy and compassion. I also try to get proximate and I am learning so much from our transgender community. They are great kids who face enormous struggles … I don’t understand what they are going through or why they feel the way they do. But I want them to live."

Supporters of transgender rights praised Governor Cox for vetoing the bill, despite knowing the veto would most likely be overridden by the legislature. Four out of Utah's 74 Republican legislators voted against overriding the veto, but of those four, only Daniel Thatcher is up for reelection. He already has three opponents from his own party lined up to run against him in the primaries, according to the Salt Lake Tribune, so going against the party line—especially on a highly visible issue—poses a real political risk for him.

But Thatcher shared that he was willing to take that risk and explained his reasons for opposing the veto on several grounds. For one, he said, it's unconstitutional. He pointed out that the conservative-weighted Supreme Court, in a 6-3 decision written by Neil Gorsuch, ruled that sex includes gender identity. Second, he said it would be a waste of money, especially since there's no way it would stand. Third, it harms the transgender community—people he has worked closely with and has grown to love in his work as a suicide prevention advocate. Fourth, despite attempting to protect girls and competition integrity, this bill actually harms girls, putting them in a position to constantly have their femininity called into question and their bodies put under more scrutiny than they already are.

Watch him speak on the bill to his colleagues in the Senate:


“And if I lose my race, I lose my race standing for what I believe in, like I always have,” he said. “In my world, conservative doesn’t mean turning your back on your principles.”

Thatcher knew his vote wasn't going to change the outcome, and he could easily have voted along with his party or even simply abstained. But he chose the path of integrity. With multiple states proposing and passing legislation specifically targeting transgender people in various ways, we need to see more of this kind of open-heartedness and moral courage. Imagine how different our country would be with more politicians who stand for principle before political party, and more elected officials willing to put what's right ahead of their own political ambitions.

The Utah bill goes into effect July 1.

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Patton Oswalt fans were upset he performed with Dave Chappelle. His response? Perfection.

Gage Skidmore, John Bauld

Dave Chappelle and Patton Oswalt have been friends for 34 years.

The first two decades of the 21st century have been a reckoning of sorts for humanity. Technology has shrunk our global community and broadened our connections with one another, forcing us to grapple with how prejudice, inequality and oppression of all kinds have influenced us all.

Some of that has been great. Some of it not so much. Social media has proven to be a double-edged sword, expanding our exposure to diversity on the one hand, and limiting our ability to have nuanced conversations on the other. Platforms such as Twitter allow people to make clear, concise statements about where they stand, which can be good and necessary at times. They also create an environment where a stance that doesn't fit neatly into 240 characters is ostracized as being wishy-washy at best and highly problematic at worst.

All of this combined has resulted in a weird paradox of people pushing for complex social discourse while also insisting on removing all complexity from that discourse.

Case in point: Patton Oswalt's last two Instagram posts about Dave Chappelle.

The comedian shared a series of photos with Dave Chappelle in Seattle on New Year's Eve. Oswalt had been performing in downtown Seattle when he got a text from Chappelle to come join him at his show just a block away.

Oswalt wrote:

"Finished me set at @mccawhall and got a text from @davechappelle. Come over to the arena he’s performing in next door and do a guest set. Why not? I waved good-bye to this hell-year with a genius I started comedy with 34 years ago. He works an arena like he’s talking to one person and charming their skin off. Anyway, I ended the year with a real friend and a deep laugh. Can’t ask for much more."

Chappelle has long been known for pushing the social envelope with his comedy and has created some controversy for himself, especially with his recent Netflix special in which he tackled the issue of transgender rights in a way that felt harmful to many trans people and allies. (Full disclosure: I have not watched his special myself, so I am only sharing the reactions I have seen to it, not commenting on the content itself.) Some people accused Chappelle of being anti-trans, others accused him of "punching down," while others were more offended by how old and tired his LGBTQ-oriented jokes were than by the jokes themselves.

Patton Oswalt has been an outspoken ally of the LGBTQ community, so seeing him celebrate sharing the stage with Chappelle was jarring for some fans. They made their feelings known, which prompted this response from Oswalt:

"I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time this New Year’s Eve. We’ve known each other since we’re teens. He’s a fellow comedian, the funniest I’ve ever met. I wanted to post a pic & an IG story about it — so I did. The friend is Dave Chappelle. Thirty four YEARS we’ve been friends. He’s refocused and refined ideas a lot of us took as settled about race & history & Life On Planet Earth and spun them around with a phrase or punchline. We’ve done bad & good gigs, open mikes & TV tapings. But we also 100% disagree about transgender rights & representation. I support trans peoples’ rights — ANYONE’S rights — to live safely in the world as their fullest selves. For all the things he’s helped ME evolve on, I’ll always disagree with where he stands NOW on transgender issues. But I also don’t believe a seeker like him is done evolving, learning. You know someone that long, see the struggles and changes, it’s impossible to cut them off. Impossible not to be hopeful and open and cheer them on. Also, I’ve been carrying a LOT of guilt about friends I’ve cut off, who had views with which I couldn’t agree, or changed in ways I couldn’t live with. Sometimes I wonder — did I and others cutting them off make them dig their heels in deeper, fuel their ignorance with a nitro-boost of resentment and spite? I’m an LGBTQ ally. I’m a loyal friend. There’s friction in those traits that I need to reconcile myself, and not let cause feels of betrayal in ANYONE else. And I’m sorry, truly sorry, that I didn’t consider the hurt this would cause. Or the DEPTH of that hurt. I’ve been messaging a lot on IG today, and the back and forth has really helped guide me in the writing of this. I (naively) deleted a lot of posts in the comment thread — critical ones from LGBTQ writers AND shit-posts by TERF/anti-trans orcs looking for clicks & giggles. I wanted a 'nice comment thread' about the pic with my friend. Ugh. So easy to think someone ELSE needs growth and miss the need in yourself. Gonna keep trying."

Right here is where I, as a writer, feel the need to choose my words carefully. That's fine—I'm a firm believer that people should choose their words carefully. However, I'm also fully aware that no matter what I say from this point on, some people in the comments are going to complain. That's why I wanted to share Patton Oswalt's posts and write this article—because while so many people have a desperate desire to remove complexity and nuance from our discourse, I have a desperate desire to insert it.

Here's my TL;DR stance on that topic: Relationships are complicated. Perspectives are complicated. Practically nothing in this world is black-and-white, and if we refuse to acknowledge that seemingly conflicting things can be true at the same time, we will never be able to work through the things that divide us.

I'm not here to defend Dave Chappelle, nor am I here to defend Patton Oswalt. I'm here to defend the idea that people who consider themselves friends can have wildly different beliefs, can disagree vehemently with one another on really important issues, can debate and fight over such things and still see value in one another and in their relationship. Everyone makes different choices about what and who they support, as well as why and how, but those choices are rarely as simple as some make them out to be.

Let's say someone decides, "I flat-out refuse to be friends with someone with racist/sexist/anti-LGBTQ views." Great, so where do you draw the line? Because the vast majority of people have shades of those views, even those who purport not to, simply by living in and being groomed by the world we were born into. If you cut out all people with any hint of those views, you're basically cutting out most of humanity.

"Well, we can be friends as long as they are educating themselves and making an effort," one might say. Great, so how do you assess that? What criteria do you use? What if they aren't learning what you want them to or at a pace you deem acceptable? How do you measure those things? And even if you do decide that someone is too problematic for you to associate with, what is your purpose in cutting them off? Is it to change their mind? (Unlikely.) Is it to punish? (Understandable impulse, but is that actually solving the problem?) Is it to reduce harm? (If the person is causing you harm, disassociation makes sense. If the person is causing other people harm, is your disassociation going to stop that harm? Could you do more good in the world by maintaining the friendship?)

This is where nuance and complexity come in. The answers to all of those questions are going to be different for every single person and every single relationship, and that's okay. Some people don't even feel the need to ask and answer those questions because they view the nature and purpose of relationships differently, and that's okay, too.

I'm not saying we should tolerate or befriend Nazis; what I'm saying is that there's an ocean of gray between befriending Nazis and piling onto or disassociating with anyone who hasn't reached a perfect stage of social enlightenment. While we all can decide where on that spectrum we want to be, we cannot—and should not—decide that for anyone else. Every person is different, every relationship is unique and I don't think any one of us should be in the business of judging who should be friends with whom.

We need fewer black-and-white hot takes and more acknowledgment that living with other human beings in this world is complicated. Oswalt's post was the response of a complex human with complex relationships who is trying to navigate a world that doesn't embrace complexity. Perhaps it's imperfect, but really, when did we start to demand perfection from people?

Call out harm when it happens, absolutely, but let's move away from the idea that one person's problematic words or behavior mean that everyone associated with that person must be called to account for their sins. There's just no way that ends well for anyone, and it definitely won't get us anywhere near where we want to be.

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