Trans comedian shares her transition journey on TikTok in an uplifting and funny way
"I am grateful for every single human being that's along with me."
Transitioning is easier with humor and supporters.
Transitioning can be a scary and lonely process depending on the support system a person has available to them. In some ways it can be intimidating when the only examples someone has are people who are already fully transitioned, or have spent years living fully out as their gender discovered after birth. A comedian from Los Angeles, Dylan Mulvaney, found herself looking around for folks that were in the early stages of transitioning when she was starting her journey. She started recording videos for her own use, but quickly found herself with more than a million followers.
Mulvaney had discovered long ago that she was indeed a girl, and made the declaration to her mother at the age of 4, she told Good Morning America. "When I was 4 years old, I came to my mom and said, 'Mom I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. Help!'” Mulvaney began her transition journey at the age of 25, stating that "ultimately, I had to do that to honor who I truly am. And now I've never been happier. And it feels so good to know that, like, all of the darkness throughout my life, all of the experiences that I've gone through ... the hard conversations have all been worth it."
Mulvaney has been sharing her journey with humor and while her videos were meant to be a sort of diary to mark how far she has come, she has been touched by the amount of support she has received. She gained her first million followers in just three weeks, and told GMA, "I didn't know I was this worthy of love or this worthy of attention, and there's something really affirming in the fact that, like, I now know that like I am a good person. I have good to put out in the world," Mulvaney said. "I am grateful for every single human being that's along with me."
@dylanjamesmulvaney Day 11- Hormones 🏳️⚧️🌈❤️ #trans #hormones
Mulvaney shares her series titled “Day ___ of Girlhood” where she not only documents her transition, but points out things she had not considered before beginning to transition. In one of her videos she shares about how she froze when a woman in a public restroom stall asked to borrow a tampon. Before transitioning, she had not thought about being asked for a tampon, but since that interaction, she keeps them in her purse in case anyone should need one when she’s around.
@dylanjamesmulvaney Day 12- TAMPONS #trans #tampon
Mulvaney says she’s received messages from people who have been encouraged by her journey and have decided to now come out to their families as trans. Parents of trans children have told her that they watch her videos with their children. "Anytime that a trans person reaches out and says that, like, I'm going through the same thing ... that is, like, such a gift," she says, "because I want to represent the trans community in the best light possible. The support from cis women has been insane and magical, because it feels like I really am part of something now and they've like accepted me into womanhood."
Mulvaney went on to share a message for people who are thinking about transitioning, "First of all, I'm proud of you," she said. "Second of all, take your time. This is not a race. It is probably one of the biggest decisions you'll ever have to make in your life and one of the craziest journeys that you'll go on. Start with people that you know, 100%, will support you and love you." Sharing her story can help others feel comfortable to share theirs. It can also help destigmatize what it means to be trans. While Mulvaney didn’t set out to be in the spotlight with her transition, she’s embracing her new found TikTok fame and showing people how to show up authentically as themselves, while being vulnerable and honest.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.