upworthy

sleeping

Wellness

How to stop waking up each night at 3 or 4 in the morning

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

via Polina Kovaleva/Pexels

A woman with her eye mask on in bed.

Do you often wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. with an intense feeling of anxiety? Do you get stressed that you’re awake and begin making a mental laundry list of everything you need to do the next day? Do you start thinking about fights you once had with your spouse or ponder how you have let yourself down in the past?

If so, you’re not alone. It’s common for people to wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. regularly and there’s a reason why we choose this time to catastrophize and worry. The good news is that there are some steps we can take to get through that awkward phase of the night so we can wake up refreshed.

Why do I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. every night?

Many of us reliably wake up in the middle of the night because after we’ve had a good chunk of sleep, our bodies start to slowly prepare us for the day by reducing melatonin, the hormone that puts us to sleep and increasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

That biological phase of sleep is why we start to feel stressed.



insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, how to sleep better, melatonin, stress A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva


After the big hormone release at 3 or 4 in the morning, if you are dealing with stress in your life, you are more likely to wake up. If your life is calmer and you don’t already have a stress baseline, you will probably wake up, fall asleep quickly and forget that it happened.

Why do I wake up feeling stressed in the middle of the night?

If you’re already experiencing stress in your life, that extra cortisol kick is going to cause you to wake up with a feeling of anxiety. The problem is that when we’re lying in bed in the middle of the night, we are in a vulnerable position. “Around this time in the sleep cycle, we’re at our lowest ebb physically and cognitively. From nature’s viewpoint, this is meant to be a time of physical and emotional recovery, so it’s understandable that our internal resources are low,” Greg Murray, a psychology researcher with expertise in mood, sleep, and the circadian system, writes in The Conversation.

“But we also lack other resources in the middle of the night – social connections, cultural assets, all the coping skills of an adult are unavailable at this time,” Murray continues. “With none of our human skills and capital, we are left alone in the dark with our thoughts. So the mind is partly right when it concludes the problems it’s generated are unsolvable – at 3 a.m., most problems literally would be.”


insomnia, sleep, sleep hacks, melatonin, stress, anxiety A woman struggles with insomniaImage via Canva

At this moment, when we’re stressed and feeling vulnerable, stuck in bed with no way out, we can begin to spiral. This is when we ruminate on why we forgot to feed the dog that one day in 1994 or contemplate why things went bad with your first significant other at 21. It’s when we start recalling a disagreement with a friend and plotting out what we’ll say the next time the issue arises.

At this point, if we don’t stop spiraling, we’ll be up until 5 a.m. and will feel like garbage when it’s time to go to work.

The good news is that there are ways to get back to sleep and stop the downward anxiety spiral.

Make a list

Dr. Jade Wu says that if you wake up and feel stressed about things you need to take care of, walk out of your room (so you don’t associate it with stressors) and make a list to read in the morning. This will free you of your worries, because you know you can care for them when you are awake.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Pay attention to your breath

Murray says you should redirect your attention from your thoughts to your breath, which is a form of meditation. “I bring my attention to my senses, specifically the sound of my breath. When I notice thoughts arising, I gently bring my attention back to the sound of breathing,” Murray writes in The Conversation. This works in 2 ways: first, it takes your attention away from your spiraling thoughts and second, the breathing exercise helps you relax.


Have a bite to eat

Sometimes, we wake up in the middle of the night because we’re hungry and our blood sugar is dropping. “The first question I ask [my patients] is, ‘When was the last time you ate?’” Michael Breus, Ph.D. psychologist specializing in sleep disorders, told Sleep.com. “Often, they’ve finished their last meal at 7 p.m.; now it’s 3 in the morning — that’s eight hours later — so guess what? They’re out of fuel.” If you’ve woken up because of a drop in blood sugar, experts recommend eating a small snack that includes protein and fat, like peanut butter.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
sleep
WellnessHealth
Parenting

20 parents share small things theirs did that made them feel loved, will pass down to their kids

"My dad showed up to everything. Every. Single. Thing."

Photo by Isaac Quesada on Unsplash

Man in blue denim jacket carrying girl in white sweater during daytime.

Sometimes the smallest interactions parents have with their kids can have the biggest impact. For parents looking to pass down the positive things their parents did raising them to their kids, they shared their experiences and ideas with others.

"I’d love to know positive memories from your childhood that standout to you. Could be small things your parents said or did to make you feel safe and loved, family trips you may have taken, traditions, or little things you did with your parents," the parent wrote on Reddit. "I want to be intentional with my children and give them a childhood that feels warm and happy and memorable. And I’d just love to hear others positive experiences."

Other parents did not hold back opening up about the meaningful memories. Twenty parents share how their parents made them feel loved and seen, and how they plan to do the same with their kids and generations after to build better relationships.

1. "My dad was never afraid to apologize. When I was about 8, I remember getting Big Red all over his car because I was pouring it out the window and watching it fly. I didn't realize it was getting all over the car (and probably other cars). We had just left the car wash. When we got home he freaked out and yelled and screamed. I got the car wash stuff out of the garage and just sat and cried for a bit. Then he came out and sat with me and said that dad's mess up too sometimes. He said he understood I was just being curious and did not mean it and he wished he had explained his frustration in a calmer way. He hugged me and helped me wash the car again. I remember that he said mean things, but not what he said before the apology. I remember just about every word of that apology though. I think that one sticks out because that was the maddest he had been at me up to that point...maybe ever. There a few other stand out ones, some were even funny, but he always used them as a time to reconnect and really make sure we knew he loved us and respected us." – sstr677

2. "My dad showed up to everything. Every. Single. Thing. Spelling bee, Girl Scouts, cheerleading. When my cheer games overlapped with Buckeye games, he brought his Walkman to listen to the game while he watched me cheer. He did the Girl Scout camp outs with us. I’m 33 and I know that if I called him right this second to say I needed him, he’d be here immediately." – books-and-baking-

dad cheering, dads, parents, good memories, familiesclapping father wild GIFGiphy

3. "My granny would always feed me unprompted. I would be relaxing watching TV and here she came with fresh cut fruit or a glass of sweet tea. It felt good knowing she was thinking of me. She also would always say “Penny for your thoughts” and I always felt open to sharing with her.. I miss her so much nobody ever loved me like Geneva." – AquafinaRaeGina

4. "We had movie nights on Fridays. We were pretty poor but every Friday, we’d go to little Cesar’s down the road and get a $5 pizza. Then we’d go to the dollar store and get to pick out our favorite $1 candy. We’d go home, watch the movie with our pizza and candy, and then have a camp out in the living room. My brothers and I would fight over who got the couch and who got the hand-me-down recliners haha. We’d also drag out all of our mattresses and sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve. My dad made sure to read us a story every night for years. We’d ride our bikes to the library on Saturday afternoons if he wasn’t working and pick our bedtime stories for the week." – Prize_Common_8875

5. "Either one of my parents tucked me into bed every single night and told me they love me, until I was a teen. Meant the world to me now I think back. Will definitely be doing this when my little one goes into his own room." – hainii

tuck in, parents, bedtime, love, memoriesbart simpson sleeping GIFGiphy

6. "One that sticks with me was my dad saying this to me over the years: “No matter where you are or what happens, if you need me, call me and nothing will keep me away.” He kept his promise till the day he died, and I miss him every day." – Baaaaaah-baaaaaah

7. "For me it was going to sporting events with my Dad. It doesn’t have to be even a professional game. I went to multiple games of mid tier college basketball locally with my Dad starting at 5. We would watch the game, hang out with his friends after, get popcorn and a soda, talk about the game on the drive back. It made me feel like I was not only his son but also a buddy that he wanted to talk to and hang out with. I do the same thing with my boys now. I don’t think it has to be sports. Whether it be going to the movies, concerts, plays, whatever including them on events you enjoy is a great way to bond and show love." – HangmanHummel

8. "My mom would leave sweet notes in our lunches. Not every day but I remember oftentimes getting “Happy Friday!” or “Good luck on your game today!” type of notes. I’m tearing up just thinking about it…" – JustAnotherPoster_

lunch note, parents, parenting, kindness, kidslunch i love you note GIF by eviteGiphy

9. "When I was a preteen/teenager, my dad would let me play whatever CD I wanted in his truck. I was an emo/goth/alternative kind of girl so music was important to me, and still is. He actually would give the music a chance and we ended up bonding over a bunch of bands you wouldn't guess he would even like, but it was so nice." – lisa_rae_makes

10. "Honestly as an adult, my mom went to therapy when I asked her to. She made significant growth over the last few ways and it’s allowed us to repair and deepen our relationship in a way I would have never imagined. It shows so much love and effort that at 60 she has learned how to take accountability and change how she treats us. It is my ongoing goal to always be willing to apologize to/listen to my kids." – hfdxbop

11. "Spaghetti was ready to serve with table set, right as I got home from track practice. The sunsetting rays would come through the windows and I could see the steam coming off food, table set beautifully. This was such a treat as a young teenager, I can replay this scene in my head clear as day. The feeling of emptiness being filled with that warm homemade, healthy meal - yeah, that's love." – NocturneGrind_739

spaghetti, meals, parents, parenting, teensMichelle Tanner Pasta GIFGiphy

12. "My dad has always randomly given me a hug and a kiss, followed by an 'I love you'—and he still does it, even now that I'm 38 years old. I'll be working at my desk, and he'll come over, give me a hug and a kiss, and say, 'I love you.'" – repderp

13. "As I was falling asleep, my mom would get up to leave and I’d reach out the her… she always quietly sat back down and continued waiting. It made me feel loved and safe. She died when I was young. Just knowing she always chose me was a gift. She also was always the first person to tell me happy birthday first thing in the morning before anyone else." – FoodisLifePhD

14. "My mom was at EVERY game, recital, musical, or other event I was a part of. She volunteered in our classrooms at school, on field trips, or behind the scenes in the productions I was in. She was always working too, but she did everything she could to be there for my extracurriculars and that meant so much." – savsheaxo

dad hug, parents, parenting, moms and dads, kidsdeandre jordan love GIF by NBAGiphy

15. "My dad would just hug me while I fell apart & cried. He did it until I’d stop. Happy to do the same with my kiddos." – offensivecaramel29

16. "Ever since I could remember, my dad told me beautiful bedtime stories where I was the main character, and he prompted me to add to the story, keeping things interesting. It helped build our communication and grow my imagination. ❤️" – JeremeysHotCNA

17. "Had room on their lap for me. Read books to me. Asked me what I thought or what I thought something was in nature? I was raised by hippies who did build me up to be smart and forever willing to learn from new things." – Spiritual_Lemonade


mom reading to kid, reading, bedtime, parents, teachingIs There Life Out There GIF by Reba McEntireGiphy

18. "When I started driving and borrowing my mom's car to go to parties, she told me, 'If you ever can't drive for any reason, including drinking, call me; I don't care how late it is. I won't give you a hard time when I come get you, and we can talk about whatever it is later. But I'd much rather you be safe and alive than feel like you have to hide something from me and do something dangerous.' I actually never ended up needing the offer, but I definitely felt much safer knowing I had an ace in my pocket." – Dowager-queen-beagle

19. "My parents were not perfect by any means but they were intentionally present in our lives and remain so to this day and I'm now 57. They show up, they respect our free will and support us even when they don't agree with us. They have independent relationships with their grandchildren. Their actions match their words and their actions are driven by their love for us." – DbleDelight

20. "One simple thing was whenever my dad ordered food, like from a fast food restaurant, he would always give them my name for the order. I felt so special and grown up to have my name called for the food." – Appropriate_Ad_6997

From Your Site Articles
loved
ParentingFamily
Most Shared

Your teen doesn't want to wake up. Now, scientists are on their side.

True
XQ

It's ironic: When they're younger, you can't keep them from springing to life before 6 a.m. As teenagers, you can barely get them up for school.

Small children won't sleep in late to save their (or, more accurately, their parents') lives, but by the time they're old enough to savor their sleep, they have to get up early to go to school. When it comes to kids' sleep cycles, no one wins.

But research suggests it might be time to change that by switching up morning schedules and letting teens sleep in.

Scientists now agree: Not only are teens not getting enough rest, but the best way to remedy the problem would be by starting classes later in the day.


Image by husin.sani/Flickr.

In 2015, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report suggesting that the majority of teens were not getting the rest they needed on school nights.

The report showed that while teens need at least eight hours of sleep each night, 2 of every 3 U.S. high school students got less than that during the week. It also reported that 5 of every 6 middle and high schools in the country were starting the school day before 8:30 a.m. — making it difficult for many students to fit in the recommended amount of sleep.

Image by Rob and Stephanie Levy/Flickr.

Now, scientists around the country are beginning to agree: The best way to help sleep-deprived kids is to push school times back.

Following the CDC's report, researchers began studying the effects of insufficient sleep and early class times on middle and high school students. This year, the American Academy of Sleep Medicine — a group of over 10,000 scientists and health experts — formally issued a statement in support of later school times to support increased sleep among teens.

Another study also found a correlation between a delayed school start and graduation rates: Average graduation completion rate increased by 9% when the morning bell was moved to 8:30 a.m.

Image by JohnPickenPhoto/Flickr.

The good news is that parents have the power to help their kids get the extra sleep they need.

But news flash: It won't be by setting earlier bedtimes with their kids.

Adolescent brains generate hormones that induce sleep on a delayed schedule, making it difficult to get to sleep earlier than 11 p.m. — whether they're physically in bed or not.

However, parents do have the power to advocate for their kids within the school system.

Unlike many government-related issues, school hours aren't mandated by state or federal governments — they're set by individual school districts, so parents can work with school leaders to make changes to school schedules.

Image by Piedmont Virginia Community College/Flickr.

That's right: Armed with the above evidence, concerned parents can take the issues straight to their school's administration.

Organizations like Start School Later offer resources for parents looking to lobby for change in their kids' schools, and districts in 44 states have already implemented pilot programs to test for improved performance with later morning bells.

Whether or not you're parenting a teen yourself, it's an issue that affects everyone. Research also shows that risk of smoking, drinking, using drugs, and being overweight are all associated with teens not getting enough shut-eye — which means it should be a matter of national concern that an entire generation of teens might be sleep deprived.

From Your Site Articles
Most Shared
More

This couple is very much in love. That's why they sleep separately.

Just because sharing a bed is considered the cultural norm, doesn't mean it's always the best option.

Melissa Bunker has been sleepwalking since she was a little kid.

It was harmless enough at first. She has silly stories, like the time in college when she walked around her dorm, took all the pictures off the wall, and then crammed them into the fridge.

After Melissa got married and began sharing a bed with her husband, Leon, the stories got stranger. One night, she woke up in the hospital and was told she had driven, in her sleep, from her home in North Carolina to the border of South Carolina.

Her sleepwalking, combined with Leon's snoring ("He sounds like a werewolf in heat," Melissa says), means there aren't many restful nights for the pair.

Image via iStock.

Eventually, Melissa's excessive sleepwalking, or somnambulism, was diagnosed as a symptom of sleep apnea, a serious disorder that occurs when a person's breathing is disrupted during sleep, often causing snoring.

After working with a sleep disorder specialist and getting CPAP treatment, Melissa is often able to spend a full night in bed.

But even with the diagnosis, Melissa and her husband don't share a bed every single night.

Melissa says she doesn't like the general judgment society seems to have about the practice of a couple sleeping in separate beds.

"It works for me and my husband," Melissa says. "What's more socially acceptable nowadays? Multiple partners in one bed or multiple beds with one partner?"

Image courtesy of Everett Collection.

Perhaps the instinct to judge co-sleeping — and deciding not to — is a result of popular culture, suggests Lisa Medalie, a behavioral sleep medicine specialist at the University of Chicago.

"Interestingly, co-sleeping with a spouse was not always the norm," she says. "If you look back to television shows from the '60s, for example, shows like 'Dick Van Dyke' showed separate beds for the spouses in the bedroom. At this point in time, sitcoms largely show spouses sleeping in the same bed."

Image via CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images.

About 1 in 4 couples sleep separately, according to a survey from the National Sleep Foundation. And more recent surveys indicate that number could be climbing.

With so many couples sleeping apart, it's hard to understand why the phenomenon is associated with shame.

Part of it may be in the assumption there is no sexual intimacy, but Melissa says for Leon and her, that's not true at all. She wouldn't see Leon for long stretches of time while he was in an active duty military post. "Was I lonely? Yes. But did our intimacy wane? Absolutely not."

"Intimacy is going to be a case by case study," Melissa continues. "You can have someone who has a picturesque relationship — same bed or different country, they'll have that bond."

Just because sharing a bed is considered the norm, it's not necessarily better or more healthy.

"It would be great if people were more comfortable talking about things that troubled them so that others going through the same thing did not feel alone with their struggle," Medalie says.

We use beds to get a good night's sleep. You do not need to share a bed to have a loving and intimate relationship, but you do need a good night's sleep to be a high-functioning, happy partner.

"If a couple simply prefers to sleep separately, there is no need to feel wrong or bad about that preference," Medalie says, freeing us all from cultural judgment.

There you have it, doctor's orders.

From Your Site Articles
More
Trending Stories