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Teachers share the tell-tale signs they know a parent truly cares about their kid

"When the child speaks, the adult listens. When the adult speaks, the child listens."

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Teachers share insights on the signs parents truly care about their kids.

Few people spend more time with kids than teachers. From the classroom to the playground, teachers have deep and intuitive insight into what their students' relationships are like with their parents, and many teachers can tell when parents are invested and truly care about their kids.

In a Reddit forum, member @allsfairinwar posed the question: "Teachers of Reddit: What are some small, subtle ways you can tell a child’s parent really cares about them?"

Teachers from all education levels shared their insight. From elementary teachers to high school teachers, these educators offered their firsthand experience with students that informed them about their relationship with parents at home. These are their most powerful observations.

art, kids art, child painting, kids art project, finger paintHit It Bang Bang GIF by Eddie & Laura Burton Realty GroupGiphy

"When the parent stops and actually looks at their kid's art/work/listens about their day before heading home. I know everyone gets busy but damn don't shove the art your kid is proud of right in their bag without first looking at it. We do the same piece of art for a week. They spent 2 hours on that, spare 2 minutes to show them their effort is worth something to you." —@Worldly_Might_3183

"When the child speaks, the adult listens. When the adult speaks, the child listens." —@homerbartbob

"When the parents are familiar with the child’s friends and talk to their child’s friends, I know they’re listening to their child talk about their day at school. Or when parents let slip that they got a full recap of something I said or that happened at school. I know they are having conversations with their child at home, and paying attention." —@Pinkrivrdolphn

minecraft, minecreaft gif, minecraft meme, minecraft kids, minecraft movieGames GIFGiphy

"When the kid is happy/quick to tell their parents about things. Not just serious or important things, but just random bullsh*t. Do I care about Minecraft? Not really. Do I care that my kid cares about Minecraft? Very much. Lay it on me kid. Spare no detail." —@IJourden

"They let their kids fail and experience natural consequences. Good parents are preparing their children to be adults, and part of that is learning responsibility and accountability. Let your kids make mistakes and learn from them!" —@oboe_you_didnt

"You can tell a lot about home life based on students behavior the week leading up to a break. If they are happy/excited/giddy/endearingly obnoxious I know they are going somewhere safe to someone who cares. The students who don’t have that are often increasingly anxious/angry/withdrawn/acting out." —@pulchritudinousprout

hug, greeting, hugs, greet, reunitedMonsters Inc Hug GIFGiphy

"The moment that a parent greets the child at the end of the day is very telling. Some parents clearly want to know all about their child's day and connect with them, some don't." —@Smug010

"When I make positive contact home and the parent speaks glowingly about their own kid. It’s great to hear." —@outtodryclt

"A few years back, I heard a parent ask their kid if they found someone to be kind to today. That made a real impact on me. Now I try to remind my own kids to 'find someone to be kind to' if I’m doing drop off and/or ask 'Who were you kind to today?' after school." —@AspiringFicWriter

"When a student asks for help, they actually need the help. They are not doing it just to get your attention."—@Typical_Importance65

cute kid, well groomed, kid hair, clean clothes, kid cared forDance Marathon Reaction GIF by Children's Miracle Network HospitalsGiphy

"It doesn’t always mean everything is perfect at home, but a child who is well-groomed is always a good sign. That doesn’t always mean the most fashionable clothes or perfect hair, just that the child is clean, their clothes are clean and appropriate for the weather. Also when a child knows how to celebrate their own wins and isn’t afraid of making a mistake or being wrong- that shows that their parents have modeled good emotional regulation." —@itscornelectric

"They get them services when they’re struggling. I work with kids with disabilities and the learning outcomes/experience of school (and by extension, the greater world) for kids who have their needs met is far different to those who don’t. The number of parents who respond to a teacher saying 'I think it might be worth John seeing an OT/a speech therapist/ getting his eyes checked' with something along the lines of 'f*ck you, what would you know?' Is astounding. The parents who make appointments, share information from specialists with the school, and are proactive about their children’s abilities or disabilities - their kids see such improvements." —@prison_industrial_co

"They ask thoughtful questions. Even something that seems routine to adults like, 'How is/was your day?' I'm in elementary, and it's appropriate for kids to talk mostly about themselves. Kids who ask thoughtful questions are doing so because it's consistently modeled. It's also not very common (again, age appropriate egocentrism) so it stands out." —@mundane-mondays

read, reading, kid reading, kids read, reading with kidsRead Book Club GIFGiphy

"When you know they're being exposed to reading at home. Maybe they can read at a higher level or they're mastering their sight words. For students with learning disabilities, the kids are trying their hardest to read, using context clues, using pictures and making up a story, or even making different voices for characters. When I was in a low functioning Autistic support room, this one little boy couldn't form words, but he made noises is different voices and used dramatic face expressions on each page to represent characters talking." —@Mediocre-Bee-9262

"Accountability. A good parent knows that their kids isn't perfect and if the kid does something wrong (like hitting or bullying other kids) they don't look for excuses, or for how the other kid provoked that behavior, but helps their kid understand why their behavior was hurtful." —@SadlyNotDannyDeVito

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Modern Families

Mom's creative reaction to her daughter's dirty sock on the floor hilariously escalates

Xep Campbell shows us positive parenting at its best—and most entertaining.

Xep Campbell/Facebook

Every parent knows the woe of kids leaving their dirty clothes lying around. When I was a kid, my dad would see my pile of clothes on the bathroom after I took a shower and cry, "Oh no! Annie melted!" I thought that was a clever alternative to yelling at me to pick up my stuff, but it doesn't hold a candle to the way a Washington state mom handled a dirty sock left behind by her daughter.

Xep Campbell shared how her and her 10-year-old daughter Kestrel's creative one-upsmanship escalated on Facebook, and people are loving it.

"On the evening of Thanksgiving when I went to bed I noticed one of Kestrel's socks on the bathroom floor," Campbell wrote. "I decided not to toss it in the hamper but instead see how long it would stay there, sort of a sociological experiment. Today, a week later, it remained, so I decided it must be intentional and deserved recognition as such. I made this little label hoping it would motivate her to pick it up. Oh no."

Xep Campbell/Facebook

The label reads like a sign at an art installation—"The Forgotten Sock, Mixed Media, Nov 25, 2020. On loan from the collection of the artist."

Xep Campbell/Facebook

"She sent me a text message asking if I had done it.," Campbell wrote.

Xep Campbell/Facebook

"When I got home she said 'I made a pedestal for it!' She gamed my shame."

Xep Campbell/Facebook

Game on.

"I figured as long as it was on display, it deserved an audience so the barnyard animals arrived," wrote Campbell. "They find it very fascinating."

Xep Campbell/Facebook


Xep Campbell/Facebook

That alone would have been enough to draw a chuckle from anyone. But it didn't end there.

You know those "mysterious" metal monoliths that have been making the news?

Xep Campbell/Facebook

Oh yes, she did.

Xep Campbell/Facebook

And it just kept going. "I came back from walking the dog and this had appeared," Campbell wrote. More art for the animals to enjoy.

Xep Campbell/Facebook

And then? This happened. "It's a miracle!!!" Likely the only nativity scene of its kind, ever.

Xep Campbell/Facebook

And it kept growing. "They heard about the party." Oh. My. Goodness.

Xep Campbell/Facebook

"I should point out this is a *very small* bathroom," Campbell added. "I asked when the sock might go away. She said 'how long do art exhibits usually last?'

Xep Campbell/Facebook

The creative escalation of the abandoned sock story has delighted tens of thousands as the post has gone viral.

Campbell tells Upworthy that she tries to live life in a way that results in a net positive gain for herself and anyone she comes in contact with—a philosophy that clearly extends to her relationship with her daughter.

"I always try to take the creative route whenever possible," she says. "There is a lot of beige in the world that needs to be countered. There are also endless possibilities to be creative with even the most mundane aspects of life. I tend to go for the weird option when it's there."

As one example, when Campbell had to have brain surgery, she invited her friends to a zombie-themed roller skating party where they ate giant, brain-shaped jello. She says that Kestrel isn't fazed by any of her mother's antics because she's grown up with it. "She definitely appreciates the absurd, though." Campbell adds.

Not only is this story wildly entertaining, but seeing a unique approach to an extremely common parenting situation can help all parents expand their toolbox. Not only is this sock-turned-art-turned-manger-scene a fun way to make a memory with a child, it's also likely to be far more effective at helping her remember to pick up her clothes off the floor than simply reminding her for the dozenth (or hundredth) time to use the hamper. Normally a kid might overlook something they left behind, now any time her eyes hit a piece of clothing on the floor, her brain will remember this goofy scene and at least notice that it's there.

Well done, mama. Thanks for the entertainment and the positive parenting example.


This article originally appeared on 12.6.20

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What is 'eggshell parenting'? Psychologist breaks down the complicated parenting style

'Eggshell parenting' is a new buzzword that warrants serious consideration.

Photo by Derek Thomson on Unsplash
woman holding toddler waling near brown grass during daytime

Having to “walk on eggshells” is an uncomfortable situation for anyone. But when children are forced to do it around the very people meant to keep them safe, it’s downright painful. And the damage caused can be long-lasting.

In a viral TikTok post, psychologist Dr. Kim Sage breaks down this unhealthy parenting style and what exactly constitutes an “eggshell parent.”

With eggshell parents, Dr. Sage explains, the parent’s mood is always “unstable” and “like being on a rollercoaster.”

An emotional outburst could include name calling, verbal berating, gaslighting, accusations, threats, intimidation, shame, mocking, invalidation, yelling, even destroying possessions…while other times the mom or dad might be very supportive and loving.

Never knowing what to expect, kids of eggshell parents then have to become “hypervigilant” to prepare for whatever comes next.

@drkimsage Eggshell parenting and emotionally unpredictable, unsafe parenting often creates a lifetime of hypervigilance in us —and a deep belief that there’s no such thing as real safety in relationships.💔#eggshellparent #toxicparent #walkingoneggshells #emotionallyimmatureparents #narcissisticparent #drkimsage ♬ original sound - Dr. Kim🦋Psychologist

Oftentimes, Dr. Sage notes, this kind of dynamic leads to parentification and/or enmeshment, leaving the child not only without emotional boundaries of their own but also in a position of regulating the parent’s emotions and possibly even taking care of the household while doing so.

The biggest problem with eggshell parenting is that it eviscerates trust.

“No matter how much ‘good love’ you give as a parent…if tomorrow that love is unsafe, if it’s hurtful, if it’s conditional…the good love doesn’t really mean the same thing,” Dr. Sage says in a follow-up video.

How does this dynamic carry over into a kid’s adulthood? It shows up as social anxiety, an inherent lack of trust in others and a tendency to isolate.

In other words: “What you start to believe is that if your own mother or father or caregiver is not generally consistently safe, then no one is safe.”

@drkimsage Eggshell mothers, eggshell fathers, eggshell parents…#eggshellmother #eggshellparent #enmeshment #parentification#drkimsage #toxicparent ♬ original sound - Dr. Kim🦋Psychologist

Dr. Sage’s videos struck a chord with millions of viewers who considered themselves raised by eggshell parents.

One person recalled, “This is my family. Constantly dancing around my father’s moods and my mother’s coping mechanisms. Neither able to connect with me on any meaningful level.”

Another added, “It was like a battlefield. You had to worry about sniper fire and bombs going off. Truly feared for my life.”

Still another wrote, “Anxiety. Scanning. Waiting. It’s exhausting. I spend weekends by myself by choice. It takes days to feel like me after socializing.”

Considering that so many people feel the aftermath of certain toxic parenting styles like eggshell parenting, it’s no wonder why parents today are so interested in gentler and healthier approaches.

In order to avoid repeating the eggshell pattern, Dr. Sage recommends that parents take active steps to regulate their own emotions, rather than displaying volatility towards their children. And if there is a sudden emotional shift, take responsibility for the action instead of leaving kids to internalize it all.

So much of parenting seems to be figuring out how to avoid the shortcomings of our own parents. Luckily, social media and helpful professionals like Dr. Sage make that task just a little bit easier.

Catch even more of her videos here.


This article originally appeared on 8.23.23

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Baby girl plays barista with her dad and it's an adorable masterclass in patient parenting

There's a reason 62 million people have tuned in to see this daddy-daughter duo making coffee together.

@sailorkinsley/TikTok

Sailor and her daddy making a coffee drink together

As any parent can attest, raising kids isn't easy. It can be fun and rewarding, though, if you're able to find the joy in helping a tiny human learn and look at messes and mistakes as necessary parts of that learning process.

A TikTok video showing a dad and his young daughter playing barista together has been viewed 62 million times in a week, partly because it's freaking adorable and partly because it's a prime example of patient, positive parenting.

The TikTok account @sailorkinsley went viral in 2021 for a video of baby Sailor pouring water into a glass. Since then, we've seen Sailor grow more and more skilled as her parents coach and encourage her in her learning.

In the wildly popular barista video, Sailor pours together some kind of Starbucks-style coffee drink with her dad sitting beside her and guiding her through each step. The interactions between them are as sweet as the drink appears to be.

There's so much to love about this video from a parenting perspective. Watch:

@sailorkinsley

Coffee made by my mini 🫶🏽 #fyp

First of all, it took Sailor three tries to get the ice cubes in the glass, and all her daddy did was tell her to keep trying. He gave her the choice of whether she wanted to try squeezing the syrup into the glass, and when she said no, he still gave her a sense of ownership by asking her how much was enough.

When she tossed the lids of the containers and then the milk carton, he didn't overreact or disrupt the process; he just matter-of-factly said, "You gonna pick it up." When he said, "That's good, that's good, stop!" and it took her a second to stop pouring, he didn't criticize or push, but honored the time it takes a little one to process a command and coordinate the follow-through.

And when she overfilled the glass and spilled over the side and onto the table? No chastisement. Just encouragement. She can see the spill. She knows it happened. She'll get better and better at it the more she practices.

In fact, another video Sailor's mom shared shows just how far the wee one has come in the past year with her pouring skills. It's both peak cuteness and a visual of how it takes mistakes and time to make progress and grow.

@sailorkinsley

My baby’s year of progress & growth 😭🥹 #fyp

It's even clear how much she's learning in the differences between the barista video shared on February 16 and this one shared on February 23. Check out how her skills improved in just a week:

@sailorkinsley

Coffee made by my mini 🫶🏽 #fyp

People in the comments gushed over the adorableness of it all, and some shared how wonderful it was to see parents being so patient with their kids. A number of people shared that they would have been hit or yelled at for spilling while pouring, and many simply wouldn't have been given the opportunity to try at all.

"Imo the goal of parenting is teaching the kiddos how to be functioning adults," wrote on commenter on Reddit. "I'm in my 30s and still making messes in life. At this girl's age, the important lesson is learning shit happens sometimes and how to clean up the mess without getting upset or feeling like a failure. The whole patience thing is hard but perspective is key. For show or not, this dad is killing it."

"I’ve seen the mom and now the dad," wrote another. "This girl is truly lucky to have such loving parents. Just a reminder, to let people fail and help them instead of overcorrecting every behavior."

"It’s hard to break generational traits and habits, man," responded another. "Idk about y’all but I remember being terrified when I spilled as a kid. I have to fight my instinct to overreact to little sh*t all the time. Thankfully though, I’m trying to be more like the dad in this video every day."

It's hard to know what healthy, helpful parenting looks like if we haven't seen it modeled, so Sailor's parents are doing us all a service with these sweet little demonstrations. Keep up the good work, mom and pop.

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