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A mom describes her tween son's brain. It's a must-read for all parents

"Sometimes I just feel really angry and I don’t know why."

A mom describes her tween son's brain. It's a must-read for all parents


It started with a simple, sincere question from a mother of an 11-year-old boy.

An anonymous mother posted a question to Quora, a website where people can ask questions and other people can answer them. This mother wrote:

How do I tell my wonderful 11 year old son, (in a way that won't tear him down), that the way he has started talking to me (disrespectfully) makes me not want to be around him (I've already told him the bad attitude is unacceptable)?

It's a familiar scenario for those of us who have raised kids into the teen years. Our sweet, snuggly little kids turn into moody middle schoolers seemingly overnight, and sometimes we're left reeling trying to figure out how to handle their sensitive-yet-insensitive selves.



Jo Eberhardt, a fantasy writer and mother of two from Australia, penned a reply that is so spot on that it keeps repeatedly popping up on social media. When you nail it, you nail it—and this mother nails it.

"Ah, puberty," she wrote, "It changes our sweet, wonderful little boys into sweet, eye-rolling, angsty, accidentally disrespectful, but still wonderful young proto-men." Yup.

Eberhardt then described a discussion she had with her 11 1/2 -year-old son when he started going through this stage—a conversation they had in the car, which is usually the best place to have potentially uncomfortable discussions with kids.

She told her son that she'd messed up in the way she'd talked to him about puberty, then explained exactly what was happening in his brain.

I've spent all this time talking to you about the way puberty changes your body," Eberhardt told her son, "and what to expect as you go through the changes, but I completely forgot to talk to you about what's going on in your brain right now. Puberty is the time when your brain grows and changes more than at any other time in your life — well, except for when you're a baby, perhaps. So I really let you down by not preparing you for that. I'm so sorry."

Her son accepted her apology, then asked why is his brain was changing.

“That's the amazing thing," she told him. "Did you know that your brain grew and developed so quickly when you were little that by the time you were about five or six, your brain was almost as big and powerful as an adult's brain?"

"But here's the thing," she continued, "Even though your brain was super powerful, the instructions were for a child's brain. And all the information about building an adult's brain was a bit… let's say fuzzy. So your brain did the best it could, but it didn't really know what kind of person you were going to be back then, or what shape brain you were going to need."

“Now we come to puberty," she went on. "See, puberty is amazing. Not only is your body being transformed from a child's body to an adult's body, your brain has to be completely rewritten from a child's brain to an adult's brain."

“That sounds hard," her son responded.

“Yeah, it is," Eberhardt replied. “That's why I wish I'd warned you first. See, it takes a lot of energy to completely rewrite a brain. That's one of the reasons you get tired quicker at the moment — and that, of course, manifests in you being crankier and less patient than normal."

Eberhardt paused, then added, “That must be really frustrating for you."

Her son looked over at her, wiping his eyes. “It is," he responded. Sometimes I just feel really angry and I don't know why."

It's amazing what happens when we explain to kids the physiological reasons for what they're going through.

Eberhardt continued, “The other thing is that one of the first parts of your brain that gets super-sized to be like an adult is the amygdala. That's the part that controls your emotions and your survival instincts. You know how we've talked about fight/flight/freeze before, and how sometimes our brains think that being asked to speak in public is the same level of threat as being attacked by a sabre tooth tiger?"

Her son laughed. “Yes. So you have to tell your brain that there's no sabre tooth tiger to help you calm down."

“That's right," Eberhardt replied. "Well, that's what the amygdala looks after: sabre tooth tiger warnings and big emotions. So, the thing with puberty is that all of a sudden you've got an adult-sized amygdala hitting all your emotion buttons and your sabre-tooth tiger buttons. That must be really hard for you to manage."

Her son nodded and said, “Sometimes I don't know why I say the things I do. They just come out, and then I feel bad."

This is the moment where what a parent says can make or break a kid's spirit. But Eberhardt handled it with empathy and expertise.

“I know, Sweetheart," she said before explaining:

“See, the last part of your brain that gets rewritten is right at the front of your head. It's called the frontal cortex. And that's the part of your brain that's good at decision making and understanding consequences. So you've got this powerful adult amygdala hitting you with massive emotions, but you've still got a fuzzy child frontal cortex that can't make decisions or understand consequences as quickly as the amygdala wants you to. It pretty much sucks."

“So it's not my fault?" her son asked.

“No, it's puberty's fault your brain works the way it does," Eberhardt answered. "But that doesn't mean it's not your responsibility to recognise what's going on and change your actions. It's not easy, but it's not impossible, either. Your feelings are your feelings, and they're always okay. But you get to choose your actions. You get to choose what you do with your feelings. And, when you make a mistake, you get to choose to apologise for that mistake and make amends."

Eberhardt said she then paused for dramatic effect. “That's how you prove that you're becoming an adult."

It's also remarkable what happens when we empathize and communicate with our kids instead of simply chastising them.

Her son responded with a perfectly understandable and relatable, “Puberty sucks."

“Puberty absolutely sucks," Eberhardt responded. “I'm not in your head, but I can only imagine that it's a mess of confusion and chaos, and you don't know from one minute to the next how you feel about things."

Her son looked at her in surprise. “Yes! Exactly!"

“If it's confusing for you living inside there," Eberhardt continued, "imagine how confusing it is for me, when I only see your actions."

“That must be really confusing," her son agreed.

She nodded. “Do you know what that means?"

“What?"

“It means sometimes I'm going to make mistakes. Sometimes I'm going to get upset at things you do because I don't understand what's going on in your head. Sometimes I'm going to forget that you're halfway to being a man, and accidentally treat you like a child. Sometimes I'm going to expect more from you than you're able to give. This is my first time parenting someone through puberty, and I'm going to make mistakes. So can I ask you a favour?"

“What is it?"

“Can you just keep telling me what's going on in your head? The more we talk, the easier it will be for both of us to get through this puberty thing unscathed. Yeah?"

“Yeah," her son said.

When we let our kids know that we're going through these various phases together, it's easier to work with them instead of against them.

Eberhardt said they "had a cuddle" before they got out of the car. She also said this conversation didn't magically make her son always speak respectfully or make her remember that he's not a little boy anymore. However, it did open up lines of communication and gave them a shared language to use.

For example, she wrote, "He knows what I mean when I say, 'Sweetheart, I'm not a sabre tooth tiger.'"

Ebehardt wrapped up her excellent answer by saying that she and her son are "muddling through this crazy puberty thing" together, and that she's "completely confident that he'll come out the other end a sweet, wonderful young man."

It's always so helpful to see examples of good parenting in action. Ms. Eberhardt's response is something all parents can tuck away for the appropriate time. It's also a great reminder that our tweens aren't trying to try us—they're just trying to get used to their new and improved brains.


This story originally appeared on 1.05.19



Modern Families

Husband who lost his job reluctantly moves family in with mother-in-law. Pure joy ensued.

Families moving in together isn't failure. Sometimes it's their greatest success.

Image via Canva

Katie Bunton shares her family's journey with multigenerational living.

Multigenerational living is not as common in our independent, self-sufficient American culture–but Instagrammer Katie Bunton (@ktbunton) is hoping her experience will open more people's minds to it. Bunton, her husband Harry and their twin boys recently moved in with their mother-in-law Louella Beale (@nana_lulu_love) after experiencing financial hardship, and opened up about the experience with her followers.

"We moved in with my MIL (mother-in-law) 2 months ago when my husband lost his job and I just keep thinking...it must have taken a lot of propaganda to make us believe this was failure," she writes in the video's caption.

In the inspiring video, Bunton showed her viewers some of the incredible benefits they've had with the extra support of Nana Lulu. From making and eating meals together to time spent in the garden and doing other menial daily tasks, she shows that life has truly improved–even though society may look at their living situation differently. "So you’re telling me, this isn’t how it was supposed to be all along ? #multigenerationalliving with @nana_lulu_love 🫶🏽," she captioned the video.

And viewers are showing their support. "I wholeheartedly believe that we’re supposed to be living with family❤️," one wrote. Another added, "It’s the best. My grandmother and mother live with us. I could never asked for a better support system. I would never ever live without multiple generations in the same house or compound." And another shared, "This has forever been my dream 😢 I’m with you, we’ve been lied to in the west. Intergenerational living is beautiful and to me the gold standard for living in harmony and raising children well ❤️."

And Nana Lulu herself commented, "🥹🥹😭😍😍 I’m such a lucky lucky so and so. 🙏🏽Thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 for the beautiful blessings of family love. 💛💛💛💛"

In another video, Bunton shared a vlog with her followers showing more about living with her MIL and the benefits of living multigenerationally. "You’re telling me we could have both parents present and hands on, all we have to do is just lower our cost of living? spend less money? And pool our resources with family? 🤯" she wrote.

In the video, she explains that her family moved in with Nana Lulu at the end of January 2025. "It's taken us quite a while to get into the swing of things. We moved into a new town as well," she adds.

Their routine has completely changed, but in a good way. And she has noticed positive changes in her relationship. "My husband has felt happier, lighter and more himself than I have ever seen him," she says.

The second video also got tons of positive comments from viewers who are loving their new living situation. "This is my definition of rich ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As someone that doesn’t have a MIL to fall back on, I just want you to know that I’m so happy you have that. So happy you know the peace that extended family can bring and that you/your husband have the support you need to get to the next stage 🫶🏼💕." And another shared, "My husband and I live with my parents. They built us a basement apartment and I am forever grateful to them not only for that but for the bond it has allowed them to have with my kiddos ❤️ I definitely get caught up thinking we’ve done something wrong but we’ve just done what we can with the cards we are dealt. I am so grateful for my village."

Image via Canva

College girlfriends help nervous friend get ready for first date.

There are few things more nerve-wracking than going on a first date. But when you have a big group of supportive girlfriends who are there to help you pick out your outfit and do your hair and makeup, you know everything is gonna be okay.

And that was just the case for Auburn University student Avery (@averyy_ayers), who was featured in her friend Erin's (@erinv.logerinv.log) sweet video that captured her girl squad rallying around her to put her at ease and make her feel beautiful for her first date.

In the video, Erin documents how 8 girls crammed into a tiny dorm room to help Avery prep. "first date YAY!!!", she captioned the post.

The video begins with Avery trying on a number of different outfits for her friends, who all offer their opinions on if it is 'the one' or not. After trying on at least 5 different outfits (that got the 'thumbs up' or 'thumbs down' from the group), there is a clear winner: a colorful, floral smocked dress that she paired with sandals.

The girls are having a blast together, dancing and playing games while Avery continues to get ready. The fun and relaxed atmosphere helped put her nerves at ease. Next, one of her girlfriends has Avery sit in a chair to do her makeup. Then another friend does her hair using a curling wand to give her pretty waves. Once her look is complete, she gives her friends a twirl and they all clap for her.

glamGetting Ready Canadian GIF by Shay MitchellGiphy

The camera follows Avery as she leaves the dorm room and goes into the stairwell to make her way downstairs to meet her date, her nerves clearly ramping up. She meets her date outside, who is sitting on a bench waiting for her with flowers. He also put some effort into his outfit to look nice, rocking a white short sleeve button down and khakis. When he sees her, he stands up and goes to give her a hug. Of course, her girl squad is watching from the dorm, and she turns around and waves to them, showing the flowers with a big smile.


floweGive I Love You GIF by Jimmy ArcaGiphy

And viewers are loving the support of Avery's friends and her date's sweet efforts, too. "The vibes of a freshman college student living in the dorm rooms with all her best friends are immaculate! This is perfect!" one wrote. Another commented, "FLOWERS ON THE FIRST DATE? YESS SIR 🔥🔥🔥." Another wrote, "And he put effort into his outfit / looks so put together too!" And another viewer shared, "this is so girlhood ❤️😭 i can tell by her smile that she is just the BEST person to be around!! hope it went well! :)"

Thankfully, Avery did not leave viewers hanging. She gave multiples responses when asked in the comment section how the date went. Spoiler alert: it was a total success. When one viewer commented, "We need an update", she responded, "date was 10/10". And when another commented, "She has such joy. It is beautiful. How did this work out for her?", she also replied, "it went great!!"

Wheel of Fortune/Youtube

That was quite impressive.

Listen, while we all love a hilarious Wheel of Fortune fail, watching an epic win can be just as entertaining. And that’s exactly what recently happened on The Wheel when a contestant named Traci Demus-Gamble made a winning puzzle solve so out-of-nowhere that it made host Ryan Seacrest jokingly check her for a hidden earpiece.

In a clip posted to the show’s YouTube account Friday, Jan. 17, Demus-Gamble waved to her husband who was standing on the sidelines before going up to the stage for her next challenge: guess a four-word “phrase.”

Demus-Gamble wasn’t off to a great start, as only two of her given letters (“T” and “E”) made it to the board. And the odds didn’t improve much after Demus-Gamble, admittedly “nervous,” gave the letters “M,” “C,” “D,” and “O” and only two of those letters showed up once on the board.

“Again, not too much more, but who knows, you’ve had a lot of good luck tonight,” Seacrest said. “Maybe it’ll strike you.”

Then, all in under ten seconds (more like in 1.5 seconds), Demus-Gamble correctly guessed, “They go way back” like it was nothing.

Watch the incredible moment below:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"How in the world did you solve that last one?" Seacrest asked.

"I just dug deep, I dug deep," Demus-Gamble said.

Yeah, you dug real deep," Seacrest replied. "Congratulations, great, great work."

“Now THAT was an amazing solve.”

“Wow! That was impressive!”

“I couldn't solve that one to save my life, but Demus-Gamble got it like it was nothing.”

“There's only one way to describe this to me: 😦”

At the end of the clip, Seacrest opened the envelope to reveal that Demus-Gamble’s puzzle solve won her $50,000, earning her a total win of $78,650. Certainly not chump change.

As for her winning strategy—Demus-Gamble assured no cheating was involved. “I just dug deep," she told Seacrest. We’ll say.

This article originally appeared in January

Wellness

Physician breaks down the 7 kinds of rest people need and no wonder everyone's so exhausted

If you're tired despite getting enough sleep, you may need a different kind of rest.

We need other kinds of rest besides sleep.

Do you frequently find yourself feeling exhausted, maybe not physically, but mentally, emotionally, or existentially? Do you ever feel tired no matter how much sleep you get? When someone says, "You need to get some rest," what does that mean to you?

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith has an explanation for that. The internal medicine physician explains in a TED Talk that sleep and rest are not the same thing—we have incorrectly conflated the two—and that there are actually 7 types of rest every human needs. Sleep takes care of some of our need for rest, but certainly not all, and our lack of these other kinds of rest may explain why so many of us feel so spent so much of the time.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

If you're feeling tired, wiped out, spent, or otherwise exhausted, take a look at these 7 kinds of rest and see what you might need to incorporate more of into your life.

1. Physical rest

Dr. Dalton-Smith says that physical rest can be passive or active. Passive rest is what we often think of as physical rest, like sleeping or napping. Active physical rest includes things like stretching, massage, yoga, or other things we do to restore and refresh our bodies.

2. Mental rest

If you find your mind racing at night as you try to go to sleep, you may need some mental rest. Examples of mental rest include disconnecting from the constant mental stimuli of modern life, engaging in meditation and mindfulness exercises, using a notebook to spill your overflow of thoughts. Mental rest can be done in short spurts throughout the day or incorporated into your daily routine.

mental rest, sensory overload, rest, relaxation, taking a breakWe all need to give our minds and senses a break sometimes.Photo credit: Canva

3. Sensory rest

We live in a world of fairly constant sensory bombardment, and finding ways to relieve your senses can be a challenge. Dr. Dalton-Smith suggests sensory rest by turning off electronics, dimming lights, putting on comfortable clothes, embracing the stillness and quiet for a bit. Sitting in your car with the engine off an be a great place for sensory rest, as the car often blocks more sound than our homes do. Lying in a bathtub with your ears under the water is another way to create a sensory respite.

4. Creative rest

When we are constantly dealing with problems that need to be solved, our creative energy can get drained. Creative rest means doing things that restore our creative energy and awaken the awe and wonder that lie at the heart of creativity. This kind of rest includes things like indulging in the beauty of nature, enjoying an artistic performance or creation, or even something as simple as doodling. It can also mean setting up spaces around you that inspire you.

"Turn your workspace into a place of inspiration by displaying images of places you love and works of art that speak to you," suggests Dr. Dalton-Smith. "You can’t spend 40 hours a week staring at blank or jumbled surroundings and expect to feel passionate about anything, much less come up with innovative ideas."

rest, relaxing in nature, beauty of natureA little time enjoying nature's beauty can restore your creativity.Photo credit: Canva

5. Emotional rest

Some of us face more emotional demands than others, but all of us need breaks from them once in a while. Emotional rest might look like saying no to requests that you know will be emotionally draining, talking to a trusted friend or loved one about things you're struggling with, journaling to unload some emotional weight you've been carrying, or stepping away from the urge to people please. Emotional rest might also include talking to a therapist or counselor (though sometimes that's actually hard emotional work).

6. Social rest

Much is made about people being introverts or extroverts, but we all need social rest sometimes. Taking some time to be alone with no social expectations or obligations once in a while is healthy for everyone. But social rest can also mean recognizing which relationships in our lives drain us and which ones fill us up and choosing to engage with the latter. Keeping track of your social battery and doing what you need to do to recharge it is social rest.

meditation, spiritual rest, mindfulness, nurturing your spiritMeditation is one form of spiritual rest.Photo credit: Canva

7. Spiritual rest

Existential exhaustion requires tapping into something deeper, which is where spiritual rest comes in. Dr. Dalton-Smith describes spiritual rest as "the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose." Spiritual rest might look like prayer or meditation for those who connect with a higher power, but it can also look like volunteering in your community, communing with nature, spending purposeful time with loved ones, or otherwise connecting with your spiritual side.

One thing that's clear in Dr. Dalton-Smith's explanations of different kinds of rest is that rest doesn't mean not doing anything. The purpose of rest is to restore and refresh, and that can actually mean doing something active. When we don't pay heed to the kinds of rest we need, we suffer. As Dr. Dalton-Smith says, ignoring those needs results in "a culture of high-achieving, high-producing, chronically tired, burned-out individuals."

We definitely need sleep, but when sleep alone isn't restoring us, we need to examine what other kinds of rest we may be deficient in. Dr. Dalton-Smith even created a quiz to help people determine where they might want to look for better rest, which you can take here. You can also find more of Dr. Dalton-Smith's thoughts on rest in her book, "Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity."

The last man on earth and a perplexed chimp.

It’s upsetting for many to consider that humans may not be around one day. But it’s not shocking, given the damage that we’ve done to the planet through climate change and the fact that we’re the only species to create a nuclear bomb. Even if we don’t do ourselves in, the odds aren’t in our favor of the Earth not finding a way to eliminate the surface disturbance known as humanity. Studies show that since life began on Earth, 99% of species have ever lived have gone extinct.

So, after the last human on Earth passes away, who will take over the mantle of being the apex predator and build Earth’s next great civilization? University of Oxford professor Tim Coulson has posited that a rather unorthodox species, the octopus, will take over after we’re gone. His new book, The Universal History of Us, outlines his thinking for the cephalopod takeover.

What species will take over the Earth after humans are gone?

octopus, octopus swimming, end of man, evolution, smart animals, survivors, human extinctionA happy octopus swimming.via Canva/Photos


Most people would think that the great apes are our natural successors. Still, Coulson says otherwise. “Hominids such as chimpanzees and bonobos are intelligent animals with opposable thumbs, tool-using abilities, and, at least for short distances, the capacity to walk on two legs, traits shared with us,” Coulson told The European. “Despite these similarities, they would likely face extinction alongside humans, as they are equally exposed to threats in our shared environment.”

Coulson says intelligent birds will fail to take over after humans because they “lack the fine motor skills needed to construct a civilization." However, octopuses have the physical, mental, and social possibilities to build a great society, especially without humans to thwart their efforts.

“Their ability to solve complex problems, communicate with one another in flashes of color, manipulate objects, and even camouflage themselves with stunning precision suggests that, given the right environmental conditions, they could evolve into a civilization-building species following the extinction of humans,” Coulson said. “Their advanced neural structure, decentralized nervous system, and remarkable problem-solving skills make several species of octopus well suited for an unpredictable world.”

octopus, octopus swimming, end of man, evolution, smart animals, survivors, human extinctionA happy octopus swimming.via Canva/Photos

Coulson believes that octopuses could evolve to create a great civilization beneath the sea that rivals the world created by humans. With some help from evolution, they may also learn to adapt to life on land and take over where people left off. This may sound improbable, but 370 to 390 million years ago, the first sea creatures left the ocean to live on dry land. Further, some animals, such as dolphins and whales, started in the ocean, lived on land, and then returned to the sea after disruptions to their habitats. Could a similar disruption cause the octopus to look for a better life on the beach?

Culum Brown, a professor in the School of Natural Sciences at Macquarie University, is skeptical that octopuses have it in them to make the big leap to the top of the evolutionary heap. “Despite all their tricks, octopuses are still working from a snail blueprint, and there’s only so much you can do with that toolbox. They are also highly constrained by their very short life-span,” Brown wrote in The Conversation.



Sydney Philosophy of Science Professor Peter Godfrey-Smith told Popular Mechanics that octopuses are also hindered by their social dynamics and lack of “intergenerational connections.” Given that they have yet to develop them over millions of years of evolution, Godfrey-Smith is doubtful they’ll occur “anytime soon.”

It’s impossible to know what the future holds, but don’t be shocked if, one day, octopuses develop a superior civilization based on peace, love, and seaweed. “Random mutations, unforeseen extinction events, and population bottlenecks can all significantly influence the trajectory of evolution, making it challenging to determine whether another species will develop human-level intelligence or the inclination to construct cities,” Coulson told The European. “But could octopuses replace humans–and potentially also primates–if they were to die out? Absolutely. They could become the brains of the sea.”