parenting humor

Katlyn Whittenburg recently found herself in this all too common situation, after being asked by her kid’s school to give a reason as to why she was “seven minutes late” while dropping her five-year-old daughter off.

This prompted Whittenburg to bust out a no holds barred, flawlessly accurate and all out hilarious rant about how ridiculous the expectation is for parents to give some sort of logical reason for being tardy, since most of the time tardiness is due to nonsensical kid antics that defy logic in the first place. And it’s a speech that every parent can relate to.

“I was seven minutes late dropping my five-year-old off at school today,” Whittenburg begins.

“And when you come in late, you have to tell them why. Like, I don't understand. If it was like 40 minutes late because it's like oh maybe they had a doctor's appointment or maybe some[thing] crazy happened, but seven minutes late? What do you want me to say? What do you want me to say? Because I couldn't? Because I simply cannot?”

Ramping up, she continues with the actual reasons she fell behind that morning.

“Because my daughter painted a mural using toothpaste this morning, and I apparently I support the arts. Because my other daughter had a bloody nose and sneezed and now got to get a crime scene cleanup crew to come in and get all up in my zone.”

Somewhere in there, the mom also reveals that part of her routine that morning was trying to convince her daughter to wear an actual coat, rather than an “unsanctioned bee costume.” Oh boy.

She then jokes that most parents simply put “traffic” as their reason for being late, but if her school really needs an honest answer as to why she was late, she’s gonna need way more paper space.

“Well how am I gonna fit on this one little line that I was born on a hot summer day in Atlanta, and it's been downhill ever since? Because I'll go into detail if you want to know,” she says, getting more existential by the minute.

“I'm just gonna write ‘see attachment’ and just start carrying around a file folder of all the reasons I can't and shan't. My shan't folder. You just open it up ,and it says ‘Started with a big bang,’” she quips.

“Here we are. Oh, you want me here on time? Oh well, then next time you're gonna get a bee who looks like they just committed a violent crime in a dentist's office.” she concludes.

@katlyn.whittenburg 🐝 #momprobs #parentprobs #parentingbelike #havingkidsbelike ♬ W.A.Mozart, Rondo alla Turca from Piano Sonata No. 11 in A major - AllMusicGallery

Proving just how relatable Whittenburg’s situation is, literally thousands of parents chimed in with their own reasons for being late. And they are pure comedy.

Here’s a small sampling:

“Last time I wrote down, ‘life is hard ok, I’m trying,’”

“My mom used to say ‘car problems’ because we weren’t in the car on time and that was a problem.”

“My dad used to always write ‘snow in the driveway’ we lived in Florida. 😂,”

“I’ve written ‘I’m trash’ three times this year.”

“The sleeve was touching his wrist 😂”

“I’ve written ‘family of 4 with ADHD. you’re lucky we’re her this early!’”

“Spilled yogurt drink down pants and purposely sat on 8 blueberries.”

“I’ve decided I’m making a jar of various reasons and keeping it in the car. Then each time I’m late they get a lucky dip reason 😂”

Just goes to show—parenting is about rolling with the chaos. No one is spared.