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Dad with a 3-year-old son goes on a hilarious rant comparing toddlers to 'terrorists'

Parents are feeling so seen by this.

@andrecrews/Instagram

Dad Andre Crews goes on a rant comparing his toddler to a terrorist.

In parenting, there tends to be two camps of people: those who feel there is no experience more sacred or beautiful or fulfilling than bringing a child into this world, and those who are like, “this is hard, and my kid is a jerk, but hey, let’s have a laugh about it.”

Of course, which camp you belong to changes at any given moment, depending on whether you’re dealing with the sweet little cherub etched from your very soul, or their terrible, chaotic alter ego. You know the one.

terrible twos, toddlers, parents, parenting, toddler tantrums, child psychology, kids, babiesWhat I'd give to be able to throw a tantrum like that.media4.giphy.com

It seems pretty clear which version fitness influencer and toddler dad Andre Crews was dealing with when he made a very raw, yet darkly funny TikTok comparing his three-year-old son to a “terrorist.”

A warning to those who might be sensitive to profanity: there are a lot of f-bombs thrown around in the video. Which can obviously be a little jarring when talking about a toddler, but it’s also clear that Crews, wearing a weighted vest that even gives off tactical gear vibes, is coming at this like a grizzled soldier on the battlefront—which is honestly something so many parents can relate to.

Swears aside, Crews goes on about how his kid holds his family “hostage” every night, how getting him to eat any food besides multigrain Tostitos chips scoops (“at least they’re multigrain”) and strawberry-banana Gogurt packets (“not strawberry, not banana, and if it’s not strawberry-banana…you better BUCKLE UP”), and how brushing teeth offers a whole “20 minutes podcast of war stories.”

Still, the tirade ends on a sweet note, with Crews saying, “but the next morning, he wakes up, he’s beautiful, and all the [terrorism] melts away.” If that ain’t parenting in a nutshell, we don’t know what is.

“To all the parents out there: know that it’s never easy, but you’re doing god’s work,” Crews concludes.

With over 220,000 likes on Instagram, Crews' video clearly struck a chord. So many parents chimed in to share how they too felt the carnage of the Terrible Twos.

“The more I talk to other parents we are just all raising the same kids in different skins 😂”

“The best description of parenting a toddler 🤣”

“Lmfaooooooo ….. okay so it’s not just me.”

“Hold the line buddy🤣same everywhere no back up, no support.”

“I have twins, I'm surrounded 😂😂😂”

“I HAVE SAID THIS FOR YEARS!!!! FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS 😂😂😂😂😂”

Toddlerdom is a constant experimentation phase for little ones to test the boundaries of their own free will, all while still being challenged by a still developing brain and sense of emotional regularity. So a bit of chaos, tantrums, mood swings, aggression, a bombardment of “nos!” or, as Crews put it, “terrorist” behavior. But this phase is par for the course in parenting. Kids aren’t being bad for the sake of it, they’re just navigating a pretty uncomfortable phase for the first time ever. And maybe strawberry banana Gogurt—not not strawberry, not banana, strawberry-banana—is the one and only thing to soothe that discomfort in the moment.

terrible twos, toddlers, parents, parenting, toddler tantrums, child psychology, kids, babiesTo any parent dealing with a toddler tantrum—Godspeed. Photo credit: Canva

Bottom line, if you’re a parent currently feeling terrorized by your little one, you are not alone, and you’re doing great. and there's nothing wrong with "having four cups of coffee" to get through it.

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Joy

Mom has to decode toddler speak for her husband in a hilarious round of texts

An all too relatable parenting moment.

Photo credit: Canva, @amberlieh/TikTok

You'll never get "nanna toe" out of your head.

Being a parent means wearing many hats—that of a personal chef, live entertainer, chauffeur, therapist…and it looks like we can even add interpreter to that list.

In an all-too-relatable video posted to her TikTok, a mom named Amberlie Allen shared a series of recent texts she received from her husband, where she was asked to decode the head scratching requests their toddler was making.

Can’t really blame dad for being stumped on some of these. For example, the first request: “nanna toe,” which apparently means “banana toast.”

But it’s not even banana toast really, as Allen texted that it’s actually “Ritz crackers with peanut butter and banana slices on top.” There’s even an additional caveat to this—their kiddo will eat only the banana slices of said Ritz cracker, then need those small crackers to be replenished by more banana slices. Talk about a specific order.

banana slices and peanut butter beside a dish of peanut butterSounds like a complicated snacktimePhoto credit: Canva

But wait, there’s more. This one is even more puzzling. When dad asked what their son would like to watch, he replied “1 2 3 4.” Huh?!

Allen replied that he probably wanted to watch Toy Story, and just couldn't “decide which one.” Honestly that’s some next level translation.

gif of Woody and Buzz from Toy StoryMom is translating with style. media2.giphy.com

Lastly, Allen’s husband wrote, “‘I think he’s where horn go.’ What does that mean?”

Using her sleuthing skills, Allen asked if they were watching "monster trucks." When she got the confirmation, she explained that he must be wanting the monster truck with a special horn, which was located in her bedside table. Moms are truly magical.

@amberlieh Texts I get from my husband. #toddlertranslator #toddlertalk#translate #mom #fyp #toddlermom ♬ original sound - Maggie Winters

Down in the comments, so many shared their own similar experiences, particularly when it comes to movies and other bits of pop culture.

“The other day I had to decipher that ‘Judy and the Cops’ meant Zootopia.”

“My husband called me one morning and screamed ‘She wants zombie Taylor Swift? What does that even mean?’ I told him she meant the ‘Look what You Made Me Do’ music video.”

“I once nannied for a girl that wanted to watch ‘bleh bleh bleh’…it was Hotel Transylvania.”

gif from Hotel TransylvaniaDrac does say, "Bleh bleh bleh."media3.giphy.com

“Mine asks for ‘bud light’ aka Toy Story (Buzz Lightyear)”

Interestingly enough, the science suggests that parents are hardwired to understand what their toddler is communicating, even if it makes no logical sense. This intuition develops through consistent interaction and observation, which is why Allen, and many moms in general, might be a bit more attuned. After all, they’ve been interpreting their child since its first cry.

That’s not to say dads and secondary caregivers can’t become fluent in baby speak—like most things, it just takes practice. And you know that this dad is never, ever going to forget how to make the perfect “nanna toe” after learning what it means. So, let’s hear it both for the parents who decode, and the parents doing their best to figure out what all the gibberish means.

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Joy

Millennial's funny attempts to teach her boomer mom gentle parenting has people rolling

This clip has struck a chord, along with a few funny bones.

@thedailytay/TikTok

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!”

Gentle parenting has been the anxious millennial antidote to the trauma caused by their boomer parent’s not-so-gentle approach to raising kids. This new wave of parents have become determined to not let history repeat itself, to usher in a kinder, more emotionally secure, more confident generation of humans.

And while that intention is certainly admirable, perhaps we millennials, with all our self-deprecating humor, can also laugh at ourselves a bit with just how gentle we strive to be.

A fun, tongue-in-cheek and instantly viral video created by 37-year-old mom of two Taylor Wolfe can help with that.

The clip, which racked up 5.8 million views in less than 24 hours, shows Taylor trying to teach her boomer mother Sandy Wolfe all the ins-and-outs of gentle parenting so that she may use these more compassionate tactics on her grandkids.

Let’s just say, many found her failed attempt completely relatable, not to mention hilarious.

Sandy’s well intentioned “Be careful!” to her granddaughter gets met with Taylor saying, “We don’t say ‘Be careful!’ anymore. Instead say, ‘What’s your plan here?’”

“I don’t even know my plan! Do you know your plan?!” Sandy retorts.

Cut to: Sandy says “Stop. Don’t hit your sister.” Suddenly Taylor pops up from behind a corner to instruct: “Don’t say, ‘Stop,’ say, ‘Gentle.’”

“‘Gentle’…what?” asks a confused Sandy.

“‘Gentle hands,’” quips Taylor, adding. “‘Gentle’ everything.”


@thedailytay GENTLE HANDS. 🙃🫶🏻🤭❤️ #fyp #millennialsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #parentsoftiktok #foryoupag #comedyvideo ♬ original sound - TaylorWolfe

Sandy can’t even catch a break when she says “I’m so proud of you.” because, as Taylor explains, “you’re not supposed to tell kids you’re proud of them anymore. That’s putting the focus on you.”

Then a classic comedy of errors ensues as Taylor advises Sandy to say “you should be so proud” and Sandy replies “I AM so proud!”

Viewers could help but laugh at their own perhaps overzealous attempts to bring gentle parenting into their life.

“I tried to gentle parent this morning but it turned into ‘OMG GET YOUR FORKING SHOES ON,”” one person wrote, while another added, “I always started with the Mary Poppins approach but sometimes you need to elevate to Judge Judy.”

Others felt like this perfectly depicted how gentle parenting sometimes misses the mark.

“I’m feeling anxious after observing gentle parenting,” one person wrote.

Another simply said, “I stand with grandma.”

This isn’t the first time Taylor and Sandy have given us a good chuckle comparing their different parenting styles. Here’s another funny video from August of 2023 where Taylor is flabbergasted to hear how her mother managed without Google:

Listen, gentle parenting is great for providing parents more mindful, less reactive responses to their kids, which can do wonders for everybody. But there’s also something to be said for not getting so wound up in the minutia of every parent-child interaction, thinking anything and everything could be threatening to a child’s development. As with anything, balance—and a sense of humor—is always key.

Follow along on more of Taylor’s fun and relatable content on TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

Dad's viral reaction to finding out babies don't have kneecaps has people rolling

Turns out he's not the only one who didn't know this fact about baby anatomy.

Photo credit: Canva

When you're a first time parent, you learn something new every day.

Becoming a parent for the first time means learning all kinds of fun facts you otherwise might have never thought of. For instance, did you know that a baby won’t produce tears till its first 3-4 weeks? Or that their stomachs are only the size of a wee walnut? Incredible, right? It’s enough to put any new parent in awe.

Thanks to TikTok, we see one dad’s shock and amazement at learning that babies don’t have kneecaps—at least not in the same way that adults do. Apparently, this was new information to a lot of folks.

In a video shared by Dylan and Shelby Reese, the couple behind the TikTok account @shelbanddyl, we see a bewildered Dylan holding their son (or as Dylan says, their “no kneecap havin’’” son) presumably after Shelby has just delivered this lesser know anatomy fact.

Through laughter, Shelby tries to explain that the kneecaps will develop later, to which Dylan replies, “What kind of design flaw is this?! So you’re telling me this little nugget is kneecap-less until they’re like 2-6 years old? That’s wild!”

@shelbanddyl It only took him nearly 30 years to find this out 🤣 #shelbanddyl #husbandreacts #baby #couples #relationships ♬ original sound - Shelby & Dylan

Dylan wasn’t the only one surprised by this. Several viewers were also unaware.

“I was today years old learning that kids have no kneecaps. I am 31,” one person wrote.

“I have 4 kids, Shelby. 4 kids and never ever knew they didn’t have kneecaps. What in the world,” another added.

Another brought in this very astute question: “is this why we can crawl as children but then it hurts when we grow up?” Seriously—the world needs to know this.

To save you Google fact checking deep dive, babies technically do have kneecaps.

But according to Healthline, those kneecaps are made of softer, more flexible cartilage that will eventually become the bony kneecap, or patella, that adults have. Much in the same way that the nose, ears and other joints evolve. This process begins between the ages of 2 and 6, and ends around the age of 10 to 12.

Having soft knee caps not only helps with the birthing process, but also makes for more comfortable crawling as babies learn to walk. So yes, the soft-to-hard knee transient problem is why adults don’t have as much fun crawling around. You learn something new every day!

Just goes to show that parenting offers new discoveries to delight in all the time.

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