+
upworthy

santa

@katielovesocial/TikTok

May all Santas be like this one

Forcing a kid to sit on Santa’s lap, even when it makes them clearly uncomfortable, might have been a holiday tradition once upon a time. But today, in an age where many, if not most parents advocate for their child’s boundaries, it’s an automatic naughty-list move.

And that’s why people are applauding one Santa’s perfect display of respect for a little girl named Adley, who gave him a firm “no” after he asked her if she wanted to sit in his lap. Their viral exchange became a simple, but effective lesson in consent.

Katie Love, Adley’s mom, was so impressed with what Santa told her that she asked him to repeat the message so she could record it, according to Today.com.

“I said, 'This is her body, and she’s in control of her body,’” Santa explains. "I asked if she wanted to sit on my lap, and she said, ‘No,’ and I said, ‘Way to stand up for yourself. And way to say what you believe is true.’”

Watch:

@katielovesocial This response was 🔥Thank you Santa for respecting my daughter's choice & even applauding her for it!🎄🎅 #toddlersoftiktok #santaclaus #christmastiktok #toddlersbelike #adviceforgirls #importantmessage #toddlermom #toddlertok #wholesomemoments #femaleempowerment #girlpower #bodyautonomy ♬ original sound - Katie Love

He reiterated that the rule goes even for Santa Claus. No means no.

The clip quickly amassed 2 million views on TikTok, with hundreds praising this Santa for his thoughtfulness.

“We love an educated Santa,” one of the top comment read.

Another person wrote, “he’s meant for this job. He’s a good one.”

Others chimed in with agreement of his sentiment.

“I love this. No reason to pressure her to feel uncomfortable for a picture,” one person said. So true. And odds are, you won’t even get a good picture as your kid is traumatized, anyway.

Speaking of uncomfortable, several folks wondered if poor Adley was still not very happy, judging by her awkward look in the video. Some thought she didn’t like Santa’s hand being on her shoulder.

As Love explained to Today.com, it actually had more to do with wondering if she’d still get the purple bike she asked for since she didn’t sit in Santa’s lap.

“But you can see her start to smile when he reaffirmed her reaction and told her that it was OK to say no,” she said.

Santa is, by all intents and purposes, a figure created for children’s enjoyment. A benevolent character who instills good values. This new-age version is doing just that—perhaps even more so than his predecessors—since he honors their agency, and therefore, their wellbeing. May he receive extra blessings this Christmas by instilling the power of consent into all the kids he’s interacting with.

Parenting

Mom perfectly explains how emotional it is to accept kids letting go of 'childhood magic'

'But I know that this year is probably the last year we'll have our Elf on the Shelf, Peppermint.'

Photo by Misty Ladd on Unsplash

Mom explains the emotional process of kids letting go of childhood magic.

One of the best things about having children is being able to pass along your family traditions or starting new traditions. Many families let their kids experience the magic of fictional characters like the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. But eventually they get older and they slowly start to realize the truth.

For parents, this can be an emotional process because it signals that their kids are growing up and moving into the next stage of life—adolescence. Soogia, a mom on TikTok, perfectly explains her youngest child's gradual realization that things in her childhood have been "pretend."

Through tears, Soogia talks about the Elf on the Shelf she has for her daughters, saying, "But I know that this year is probably the last year we'll have our Elf on the Shelf, Peppermint." She described how her daughter has started to ask questions about the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy and now Elf on the Shelf.


But Soogia refrained from just telling her daughter the truth on the last one. Instead, when her daughter asked, "Is Peppermint real?" the mom of two asked, "Do you really want to know?" Soogia explained that her daughter started to cry before admitting that she didn't want to know the answer. Oh, my heart. You just want to hold on a little bit longer to that childhood innocence.

Soogia says she thinks it's her daughter's way of preserving the magic for herself a little while longer. In the end, the mom reveals when her kids figure out the elf isn't real that they will get their turn at hiding it around the house. It's always a little sad when we realize the "last" is happening or has happened. Soogia's explanation of experiencing her children's "last" piece of childhood magic is so relatable.

Watch the video below:

@soogia1

Feeling super emotional this holiday season but who isn’t? #elfontheshelf #peppermint #childhood #magic

Most depictions of Santa Clause fall along the traditional narrative we know and love. We see the rotund, bearded fellow making a list and checking it twice. With a twinkle in his eye, we expect him to ponder each child's behavior for the year and place them into a category—naughty or nice—to determine their deservedness in getting a gift.


Though there's obviously no jolly, omniscient figure putting children into binary categories, there are plenty of adults who do just that. If a kid doesn't conform to a specific standard of behavior, they're "naughty." If they say the right words, do the right things, and don't cause any trouble, they're "nice." Children are categorized and labeled—some good, some bad—and those labels often follow them throughout their lives.

But such a simplistic view doesn't square with what we actually know about children and behavior. Kids—and all humans, really—are not that cut and dry. People of all ages are complex, nuanced, and multi-faceted, and motivations for people's behavior rarely fall neatly into "naughty" or "nice." There's a whole range of reasons why people do the things they do.

RELATED: A huge thanks to those who openly share their mental illnesses. You saved my daughter.

That's the premise behind a new video released by NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. In it, we see Santa sitting on a rooftop, contemplating the categories he's used for 1000 years, in a surprisingly moving soliloquy about labels and children.

"I think I did this all wrong," he begins, before pondering how his habit of "reducing these growing, varied, intricate beings to some binary code of this or that, naughty or nice" might actually be doing them harm. "As if some kids son't have enough to worry about, only to have me judge them without context, without perspective, without any sort of doctorate psychology—honorary or otherwise."

"Did I condemn every kid who already felt like a misfit toy?" he asks. "Naughty or nice? Isn't it possible that they're nervous or nice? Uncomfortable-in-their-own-skin or nice? I'm-angry-and-I-don't-know-why or nice? My-impulses-are-beyond-my-control or nice? Hurting or nice?"

"And who can blame them?" he ponders. "With the news, the lockdown drills, the internet, the world is bearing down on them. And we expect these struggling kids to just...what? Speak when spoken to?"

"Show me an interesting, fully formed person and I'll show you a once difficult child," Santa continues, asking what would happen if we looked at kids in a whole different light.

RELATED: A mom describes her tween son's brain. It's a must-read for all parents.

It's not your typical Santa video, but it certainly has a magic of its own. To see children as layered beings instead of good or bad, naughty or nice, is perhaps the best gift we can give them.

Watch a contemplative Ol' St. Nick share his thoughts on the "naughty" or "nice" question, and prepare to have your feelings meter moved a few notches.

NAMI - “Naughty Or…"www.youtube.com

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not ... let Santa get the credit for the expensive toys you buy your kids for Christmas?

The holiday season — and Christmas in particular — isn't just for kids, after all. A lot of us parents get pretty excited about getting a chance to make our kids' eyes light up when they open their gifts under the tree. It's one of only a small handful of times a year where we're not just allowed, but encouraged to splurge, spoil, and spend whatever we can on them.

If you have the means to do that, that's great! Good for you.


But Megan Dunn, a social worker from Owensboro, Kentucky, says there's a really powerful reason parents may want to consider making sure their kids know that their gifts — particularly expensive gifts — came from them, and not Old Saint Nick.

And no, parents, it's not so you can take that glory for yourself.

Photo by Mike Arney/Unsplash.

So why does Dunn suggest parents let Santa take credit only for the less expensive gifts?

"I can not stress this enough. STOP TELLING YOUR SANTA AGE KIDS THAT THEIR IPADS, AND IPHONES, AND 200 DOLLAR TOYS ARE FROM SANTA," she wrote in an impassioned, caps-laden Facebook post.

"CAUSE SOME FAMILIES CANT AFFORD THAT. LITTLE KIDS WONDER WHY THEY GOT SOCKS OR A COAT OR HAND ME DOWN TOYS FROM SANTA AND OTHER KIDS GOT AN IPAD."

The emotional toll that this kind of comparison game can take on kids and their parents is devastating, Dunn explains. It's not just that kids get jealous that Santa brought their friends fancier or more expensive toys — it actually makes them feel like they did something wrong and that maybe Santa doesn't like them.

The effect can be crushing.

The full post, which you can read below, quickly went viral, and now has been shared nearly 100,000 times.

I can not stress this enough. STOP TELLING YOUR SANTA AGE KIDS THAT THEIR IPADS, AND IPHONES, AND 200 DOLLAR TOYS ARE...

Posted by Megan Dunn on Friday, December 15, 2017

"Children view Santa as this person they can ask for whatever they want so long as they have been good," Dunn explains in a Facebook message.

"They wait all year to ask Santa for that one gift because even if they realize they are poor, they truly believe Santa has no limitations or socioeconomic status. When they wake up on Christmas and see they have not been given that gift they are heartbroken."

Thousands of comments of support have poured in in response to Dunn's message. But more than a few folks have expressed frustration at being asked to make compromises on the way they do Christmas or talk about the magic of Santa with their kids.

"I am not ruining the magic of Christmas and Santa for my kids because others can’t afford it," one angry parent wrote.

Still, the discussion has inspired something truly wonderful: Since Dunn's post went viral, donations have been pouring in for her to pass on to the families in need that she works with. She's received close to $10,000 in donations so far.

It's important to note that Dunn isn't saying you shouldn't buy your kids whatever gifts you want or can afford. She's just asking to consider a simple tag swap on some of the pricier items.

"People can and should buy their children whatever they chose and I would never say otherwise," she says. "I simply asked that the expensive gifts say 'from parents' and not from the 'almighty Santa.'"

So the Xbox One X or the iPad or the new laptop is from the folks, and Santa can take all the credit he wants for those wool socks. Easy, right?

It's one of those tiny gestures that doesn't take much, but could make a big impact on another family this holiday season.