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Father takes daughter's bullying victim on a shopping trip to teach her a lesson

When Randy Smalls of South Carolina discovered that his teenage daughter was making fun of a classmate over her clothes and makeup, he took swift action.

via Youtube/Strahan, Sara and Keke

Randy Smalls of South Carolina

Bullying is a huge problem. According to DoSomething.org, 1 in 5 students ages 12-18 in the United States are bullied during the school year, and approximately 160,000 teens have skipped school because of bullying. So when Randy Smalls of South Carolina discovered that his teenage daughter was making fun of a classmate over her clothes and makeup, he took swift action.

Smalls instantly felt sympathy for Ryan Reese, a seventh-grader at Berkeley Middle School, having been bullied in his youth. So he took money meant for his daughter and went on a shopping spree with Ryan to get some new clothes and a makeover.

Smalls' wife and Ryan's mother Richauna Reese are friends, but they weren't aware of the bullying until recently. The families got on the phone after speaking to Ryan, and Smalls asked if he could take Ryan to buy new clothes and get a makeover at the beauty salon.

Smalls used money initially intended to buy his 13-year-old daughter some new clothes, but after learning about her bullying, he decided to spend the money on Ryan instead.

"I say, 'When you laugh along, you're co-signing the bullying," Smalls told Yahoo News.

"My daughter was upset, especially because she is into fashion," he said. "So she came with us and helped pick out Ryan's new clothes."

While his daughter was at church, Smalls took Ryan to the beauty salon and paid for twice-a-month appointments until the end of the year.

After hearing about the good gesture, local salons have also offered to keep Ryan looking stylish for the next few months.

Richauna, Ryan's mother, told Yahoo News that her daughter was struggling after the recent deaths of her father, grandfather, and aunt, as well as non-epileptic seizures caused by the stress.

The shopping trip has helped Ryan immensely. "I wasn't expecting it. I just started to cry. It (the bullying) was really sad for me because I had lost my grandpa, father, and aunt, and it really took me deep down in my depression," Ryan explained.

"This is the first time I have seen a parent take such a stance on bullying," Richauna added.

Smalls was overwhelmed by the response and says that it's helped his daughter see her mistake.

"I didn't expect for this to get big but I'm glad if other parents [can learn from it]," Smalls said. "My daughter learned her lesson."

"As parents, we have to take responsibility for what our children do," Smalls told ABC's Strahan, Sara, and Keke. "We can teach our children, but when they go and are around other children they can veer off a little bit. When situations like this happen, we have to take action and be the parent and not the friend."

And the pair seem to be getting along better for the experience. "They're cool now," Richauna said.

Watch to young girls break down the story in this adorable YouTube video:

This article originally appeared five years ago.

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Woman says she has the 'key' to being a good mother-in-law, and it's actually spot-on

A simple thing that could help everyone.

@millennialmatleave/TikTok

"Fill you own cup" is good advice fro nearly every situation, isn't it?

Listen, not every mother-in-law disregards boundaries, questions their kid’s parenting styles, tries to manipulate, and so on and so forth. But there’s a reason why the stereotype exists. Plenty have their own horror stories of being on the receiving end of toxic MIL behavior.

But for those wanting to avoid being that stereotype, Janelle Marie, or @millennialmatleave on TikTok believes that she has found the “key.” And it’s all about “filling your own cup.”

“Fill your dang cup. Something outside of your children that makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel happy,” Janelle begins in a TikTok.

That means that besides devoting your identity towards nurturing kids, you should be “nurturing” your marriage, as well as other relationships, like friendships, she notes.

“I unfortunately feel like a number of mothers-in-law that are feeling really confused about this role of mother-in-law or dissatisfied with the role of mother-law, and it ends up meaning that they act in a way that comes across as desperate or controlling or with guilt trips — women who don’t have enough going on outside of their relationship and their role as a mom. And so when their kids grow up, they’re ill-equipped to replace that relationship with other things.”

Janelle concludes by acknowledging it’s “easier said than done,” and reiterates that she isn’t trying to place blame, but rather just point out that “it’s something we need to be aware of.”


@millennialmatleave Lets get some hobbies girls…..you know, when you can find a single free moment #hobbies #motherinlaw #toxicmotherinlaw #relationshipadvice #parentingtips #lifehack #grandparents #inlaws #parenting #boymom ♬ original sound - Janelle Marie


Down in the comments, folks seem to clearly resonate with Janell’s stance—many have MILs of their own who could really benefit from a hobby or friend circle.

“My MIL’s hobby was getting into my marriage,” quipped one viewer.

“My toxic mother in law has had zero friends in the 18 years I’ve known her,” said another.

A few MILs even chimed in. One shared, “I noticed I got too involved/emotional/bothered by my son’s relationship and immediately looked in the mirror! Poured that energy into my marriage, friends, and hobbies.”

“OMG, you’re right,” reflected another. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good MIL, I don’t meddle or overstep, but boy do I struggle. I definitely need to get a hobby!”

As we know, it can be hard for any mom to not lose themselves in the demands of raising a child. And only up until recently were women allowed by society to see themselves as anything beyond being a mother. Self care is also a fairly new concept for everyone. So it is understandable that many MILs find themselves in this struggle without proper coping mechanisms.

But still, if the goal really is to maintain loving, healthy family relationships, it’s crucial to be mindful of any self sabotaging behaviors, and continuity working through those insecurities. That goes for MILs and non-MILs alike.

For those booking to be the best mother-in-law they can be, here are a few pieces of advice:

Don't make it about you

It can be difficult to accept that you might not be the #1 woman in your kid’s life anymore, but it’s important both for you and the couple that those potential feelings of rejection get reframed. After all, there's truly no love lost.

Use your words to uplift, not criticize

Words are powerful. Use them wisely. A little complement now and then goes a long way.

Back off

Let the couple raise their kids, and solve their problems, as they see fit. Trust that you can let them handle their own. Even when intentions are good, offers of help without being asked for it can be seen as criticism.

Invite and Include

Leaving people out leads to resentment. Always invite kids and their spouses to join performances, graduations, birthday celebrations, and other family events, whether or not you think they want to or can attend.

And, of course…fill your own cup.

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'Best day of your life': Great-grandmother has some unforgettable advice for young parents

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

Photo credit: Canva

A mother stressed out in the kitchen.

It’s interesting to think about the moments that will stick out to us as the best when we reach the end of our lives. Will it be the dramatic events such as having a child or graduating college? Will it be the day we met our spouse or that incredible concert you saw on a warm summer night in your 30s?

Will it be the day you got a job promotion or your first apartment? Will the best times be in a specific decade—your teens, 50s, or even 70s?

Torchy Swinson, an 84-year-old great-grandmother of 6, grandmother of 5, and mother of 3, believes the best days of your life may be happening right now, but you may not realize it. They may even be the ones you forget.

Swinson shared her thoughts on the best days of a parent’s life in a TikTok post that has received over 240,000 views.

@torchyswinson2

#youngmothers

“I just want to tell you something,” she said, looking straight into the camera. “It's six o'clock. You're in the kitchen, you're making Hamburger Helper. Your husband just got home from work, you hear him in the living room with the kids. They're playing, laughing, they're giggling. It makes your heart feel good.”

“You don't know it yet, but this just might be one of the best days of your life,” she continued.

When are the best days of your life?

To Swinson, the best days of your life are those that, at the time, you may feel are ordinary—when you are spending time with your loved ones. But the thing is, they really aren’t that ordinary. An 84-year-old woman may only have her child living with her for a quarter or less of her life. And during the later years, the child is mostly gone.

Swinson lost her husband 5 years ago and she’d probably do anything to have him back in her life. So, if we think about it, ordinary days are really quite spectacular. The post received over 750 comments, many of which were from people who were thankful for the reminder to embrace our everyday lives.

"You are so right; ordinary days are truly the best. I love the. More than big events,” Jill wrote. "We don’t even realize it, do we," Deb added. Brooke shared that her mother gave her the same advice: "My mom tells me this all the time. I embrace the craziness and the messiness. Great wisdom."

"As a kid, when my mom was making the Hamburger Helper, I didn’t realize those were some of the best days ever,” Nick recalled.

How much time do people spend with their kids throughout their lives?

A widely circulated but hard-to-document statistic going viral across social media states that 75% of the time we spend with our children is over by the age of 12. Further, by age 18, we will have spent 90% of the time we will ever have with our children.

@beneaththesheetz

Data says that 75% of the time you will ever spend with your child is complete by the time they reach 12 years old. And by the time they turn 18…90%. Would love to hear what y’all do in your homes 👇🏽 #smartphones #socialmedia #mentalhealth #parenting #childrenfirst

Whether the stat is 100% correct or not doesn’t matter. The critical fact is that our time with our kids is limited and we will see them less and less once they become teenagers. One day, they will leave the house and possibly start a family. By the time we reach Swinson’s age, there probably isn’t anything she wouldn’t trade for having one more summer’s day in the yard blowing bubbles for her kids or sitting down to have dinner and asking them what they did at school.

Even if they’re typical kids and probably won’t remember what they did in school.

So, thank you, Mr. Swinson, for sharing some perspective you can only have in your 80s. Hopefully, it will provide some solace to stressed-out parents, help them appreciate the messiness of parenthood, and remind them to be extra present with their kids whenever possible.

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Need help with a rude kid? Teachers share 9 ways to deal with kids who make rude comments.

Parents, if your kid is acting rude, take some tips from the pros.

Photo credit: Canva

A girl sticking out her tongue.

Few things are more frightening for parents than raising a rude and entitled child. Younger kids just say whatever is on their minds, so you can change their behavior by letting them know that their words can hurt people’s feelings. But when kids get older and know better, many go through a phase where they challenge their parents and teachers by seeing how far they can push things by being inappropriate.

Once kids are intentionally rude, you’ve got to nip it in the bud before it becomes an ingrained part of their personality.

This is a challenging phase for parents because there are many ways to respond to a child's rude comments. You can ignore them and hope they stop because their behavior isn't getting them any attention. Or you can react and show them that being rude can get a rise out of someone.

A group of teachers has come to the aid of anyone who wants tips on handling their child’s rude behavior. A Redditor who is a teacher having difficulty dealing with rude students asked the teachers' subforum for help and they shared many creative and effective ways to handle the situation. “I like kids, but they can definitely be brutal. I’m rather sensitive, but I don’t know what to say to kids that insult others/me besides ‘that’s not nice’ or ‘that hurts people’s feelings,’” the teacher wrote in the post.

The responses showed that there’s more than one way to handle a rude child, whether it’s a witty comeback or digging down deep and talking with the child about the root cause of their anger.



Here are 9 ways teachers say they deal with kids acting rude.

How do I stop my kid from being rude?

1. Quick comebacks

"I have kids of my own so I have years of experience either with great comebacks or just agreeing with them. I had a student tell me I’m annoying. I told him that I guess he better hurry up and finish what he was doing so I could stop annoying him. I had one tell me I was fat and I replied all the better to squish him with."

"So my first year teaching... One day, I wore an empire waist shirt that I loved. And this asshole in the back of the classroom, who's been a jerk all period, goes, 'Yo, Miss! Are you pregnant?' To which I turned around and replied, 'No I'm just fat. Can we please move on now?' He never gave me problems after that. (I did throw out that shirt, tho.)"

"I found the best way to deal with rude students is to evenly inform them exactly how their behavior comes across, and ask them if that was their intention. They're usually too surprised you aren't being reactionary to lie."



2. Explain why

"I had a little one (1st grade) poke my stomach and ask if I was pregnant. My aid gasped and I chuckled. I told him I was not pregnant and, while it did not hurt my feelings, that asking that question could hurt some people. When he asked why I told him it makes people feel like you think they are fat and some people can’t have babies and it really hurts them because they want babies but can’t have them. He hugged me and said sorry. He then told his friends not to ask people if they were pregnant because it hurts them. I have found calmly telling children why it is rude helps. This doesn’t work as well with older kids though."

"Depending on what is being said, I usually tell them what they said is rude and that’s not how we talk to people. So if they say you’re fat, you say it’s not kind to comment on someone’s weight or size, don’t do it again. It’s ok to tell them they’re being rude and to use their manners. Kids of all ages are capable of understanding that."

3. Consequences

"Tell them they are free to say whatever they want, but they should recognize that there are consequences as well. For example, people won't want to be friends with someone who is rude!"

4. Think sheet

"I don’t know what the consequence structure at your school is but for my school we would typically do a 'think sheet' if something like that happens. Kid has to write about how what they did was wrong and how to not do it again. Parent gets an email home and the sheet gets added to the kid’s file."



5. Get to know them

"If rude behavior is something that you've been dealing with all year, I'd also make a point to focus on the kids who are the worst at having bad attitudes and getting to know them better. Try spending a few minutes a day with them and get to know them, once they realize you care about them, they may be more inclined to be polite."

How to respond to a rude child

6. Are you trying to hurt me?

"Honesty is the best way. 'That’s a hurtful thing to say. Are you trying to hurt me right now?' But not taking things personally from kids is like, a requirement for the job."

I have success with the 'how do you think that makes (person) feel?' Or the 'can you find a different way of saying that that doesn’t have hurtful language.' Of the student is more recalcitrant, a simple 'try again.' with direct eye contact can be effective. If all that fails, then leave the scene with a statement like 'that’s unfortunate you felt the need to use that kind of hurtful language. I’d love to keep talking with you, but i can’t if you’re going to talk to me that way..' walk away or start talking to another student."

7. Three questions

"Remind them quite calmly that they’re speaking to a human being and that it’s worth considering what they’re about to say by asking themselves three questions: 1. Is it true? 2. Is it necessary? 3. Is it nice? No to any of those questions = don’t say it.
Ignore it."

"I'm not sure about kids that young, but something I do a lot with middle and high schoolers is just say ok and move on (if it’s towards me, towards other kids requires more attention. I’ve found that most of the time they are just looking for the reaction they get from it and by just saying ok and going back to whatever you were doing before then it really throws them off and suddenly they feel less ok about it. I’ve even had some kids get somewhat embarrassed because they were expecting the class to have a good laugh at my expense but instead they just looked like the jerk that insulted the teacher in front of the whole class."



8. Model your reaction

"I think that it's really important to model with kids. When a child insults you, it's an opportunity to show all the kids how to react to an insult. How would you like to see them react in that same situation?"

"Just an example, but you could stop the class and say 'Guys, eyes on me for a minute. I want to talk about something. Somebody just told me that I'm chubby and annoying. How do you think that made me feel? Right, that made me feel [how you felt]. Has something like that ever happened to you? How did you feel? What's a good way to respond? What can you do to make something like this better if you hurt someone's feelings?' There's a million ways to turn it into a teachable moment."

9. Examine their hurt

"Pull out the healing edge: leaning in 'Has someone hurt you and made it feel like you have to talk that way, or otherwise you'll get hurt again?' Because almost always that's exactly what has happened. And speaking aloud their wound in front of them will completely flip their world. Either they will stop messing with you because they don't want their hurt spoken aloud or you'll find them approaching you after class and maybe bursting into tears as they relate something that has been weighing on them heavily and you're the first person that has recognized their wound but not stabbed it further."

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