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Single dad gets suspicious letter from his late wife and rushes to get a DNA test

"She told me how sorry she was that she didn’t have the guts to tell me this to my face when she was alive.”

via Nathan Cowley/Pexels

A devastated man sitting by the ocean.

Ten months after a man’s wife passed away, he finally got the courage to read a letter she left him, which contained a devastating admission. The 4-year-old son they had together may not be his.

“My ‘darling’ wife passed away 10 months ago,” the man wrote on Reddit’s Off My Chest forum. “She wrote a letter for me before she died, but I couldn’t bring myself to read it until now. She told me how sorry she was that she didn’t have the guts to tell me this to my face when she was alive.”

In the letter, the wife revealed that there was a “good chance” that the son he thought was his wasn’t his biological child. A few weeks before their wedding day, the wife got drunk at her bachelorette party and had a one-night stand with another man. Soon after that night, she became pregnant but was unsure who the father was.

DNA, DNA test, paternity test, letter from deceased spouse, Reddit, family, parenting A man reads a lettterImage via Canva


The man was torn whether or not to have the paternity test done. The child had only one parent in this world, and he would have to take care of him regardless. He also thought it was cowardly that his former wife would wait until she was no longer around to share the truth with him.

“So she thought she’d rather drop this bomb on my life when I could no longer confront her about it,” the man wrote. “Now that my son would only have one parent looking out for him, and she’d have no idea how I would even react. Maybe I should not have got the paternity test done. Maybe it might be better to live in ignorance. But I just had to know.”

The man took the paternity test and learned he wasn’t the child’s biological father.

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“I’m devastated. This doesn’t change how I feel about my son,” he wrote. “He’s my whole world and he’s innocent. But boy, does it hurt. There’s so much going on in my head right now. I haven’t stopped crying. Thank god my son is at my parents' place for the day. I’d hate for him to see me like this.”

Facing a pain nearly too much for him to bear, the only outlet he had at the moment was reaching out to Reddit to find some solace. “I just needed to let this all out. Don’t have it in me to tell anyone in my life about this right now,” he wrote.

DNA, DNA test, paternity test, fatherhood, parenting, life advice, Reddit A man holds his head in his handsImage via Canva

The commenters send him hundreds of messages of support to get him through the shock of first learning the truth about his family.

The most popular message was straightforward and honest.

"All your feelings are valid, a lot of people will react with some kind of toxic positivity to things like these. Your feelings are valid. Each and everyone," femunndsmarka wrote.

Another commenter added that someday, his son will appreciate how he stepped up and did what was right in a very trying circumstance.

“He is going to find out the truth one day. Imagine how much more he will love you knowing you didn’t leave him, even though he wasn’t yours,” ImNotGoodatThis6969.

Another commenter provided valuable insight from the son’s perspective.

"As an adopted child, I just want to thank you on behalf of your son. I deeply believe it changes nothing, family is not about blood, its about who you love, want to have by your side, and care for the most. Sending hugs, strength and gratitude," Mariuuq wrote.

The father at the heart of this story is understandably devastated because his life was upended almost overnight. But the hope in the story is that his trials also taught him a powerful truth—his love for his son goes much deeper than blood.

This article originally three years ago.

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Just saw your child get hit by another kid? Parenting coach shares the perfect way to handle it.

How to turn a well known parenting nightmare into a valuable teaching moment.

Photo credit: Canva, @mommyandmishti/Instagram

An image of two young children in a fight.

It’s an unsavory scenario many parents have found themselves in: you’re watching your child play with other kiddos, when suddenly, out of nowhere, a fist starts flying…and your little one is on the receiving end.

Every parenting instinct in us might beckon that we immediately rush to our child’s rescue, and give that other kid the what for. Similarly, many parents might be inclined to instill a “hit back” mentality into their kiddos, in an effort to teach them to stand up for themselves.

But what if there’s a better way? According to certified parenting coach Anuradha Gupta, there most certainly is.

self defense for kids, kids fighting, teaching non violence, bullies, parenting, parenting coach, toddlers, kids hitting Is it possible to teach kids non-violence without causing them to be weak? Photo credit: Canva

In an Instagram post, Gupta shared four simple steps parents can take to turn those universally “awkward, hard-to-navigate moments” into opportunities to model “what calm strength looks like.” That way, the next time a boundary is crossed, kids know exactly what to do.

Here’s how:

Step 1: Gupta says to go to your own child, not the child who did the hitting, or their parent. Because immediately, kids need to know they’re safe. Gupta added that parents should make eye contact while saying something along the lines of “that wasn’t okay. I saw what happened. I’m right here.”

Step 2: this is when parents can “hold a boundary” by calmly telling the other child, “we don’t hit. That hurts.” It’s important to stay calm and not “scold," Gupta writes, because you are modeling how to respond calmly rather than emotional react.

Step 3: since most young children (toddlers and preschoolers) won’t inherently know what to say in these situations, Gupta writes that parents can “give them the words.” Things like “Don’t hit me” or “That hurt. Stop.” She added that it’s totally fine if your child isn’t up for repeating it immediately. What is vital is that you’re “planting seeds.”

Step 4: Practice setting these boundaries at home, where it is safe and feathers are no longer ruffled. “You can even role play with toys or act it out with them,” Gupta writes. Some suggested prompts are “What could you say if someone hits you?” and “Show me your strong voice.” One important note is to keep it fun and light here as you “build muscle memory for real moments.”

Gupta’s post was unsurprisingly met with a few parents who insisted on the “teach kids to hit back” method, the general consensus being that it better deters any future bullying. However, research findings aren’t so cut and dry. Some studies suggest it may indeed prevent further bullying, while others indicate that those who hit back are more likely to be victims again months later.

self defense for kids, kids fighting, teaching non violence, bullies, parenting, parenting coach, toddlers, kids hitting In a perfect world, bullies would no longer exist. But here we are. Photo credit: Canva

And perhaps more importantly, as many other parents in the comments section noted, this strategy of "fight fire with fire” doesn’t allow for much nuance—the fact that not every kid hits on purpose with ill intent, or will necessarily do it again, etc.—nor does it teach kids how to deescalate situations to avoid more violence. Arguably it comes down to what type of confidence you want to teach your kid.

All in all, hitting back does have its place, but this is some food for thought on what else is possible. Parenting is after all, a balancing act between teaching kids how to deal with the world as it is, and how it could be.

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Parenting experts share 8 toxic phrases to never use with kids

They instantly make kids not want to listen.

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Parenting experts explain why parents should avoid saying these toxic phrases.

There is no such thing as the "perfect parent." Since people aren't perfect, their parenting can't be either. In fact, there are a number of things that can cause parents to unintentionally hurt their kids--from generational trauma to stress and frustration. Sometimes the most loving parents can spew out toxic words and phrases to their kids.

Not only can this lead to further behavioral issues, but it can instill in them toxic messages they will carry into future relationships--and as parents themselves one day. Being aware of toxic parenting phrases before they are used is a positive first step, followed by understanding why and how they can impact kids.

These are eight of the most common toxic phrases parents should avoid saying to their kids, according to parenting experts.

1. Never say: 'You look terrible.'

Sure, it may be coming from an honest place, but parents who use this phrase may be unknowingly image shaming their kids, causing insecurities to "skyrocket," according to the experts at Psych2Go. It could also possibly lead to body issues in the future.

2. Never say: 'You're a freak.'

By saying this to your child, you may be imprinting the message that they are "ill-fitting to the world," and also implying "there is something wrong with them as a person," notes Pysch2Go.

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3. Never say: 'You know better than that.'

According to parenting coach Reem Raouda, parents should say instead: "Something's getting in the way of your best self right now. Let's talk about it."

She explains that this avoids shaming your child, and reframes the scenario from punishment to partnership. "It assumes the best in your child and encourages self-reflection instead of defensiveness. It sends the message: 'I believe in you, and I'm here to help'," says Raouda.

4. Never say: 'You're so immature.'

Emotions like disgust, ridicule, and shame may be triggered if you say this to your child, notes Psych2Go.

5. Never say: 'Because I said so.'

Raouda shares that saying this to your child not only shuts down communication, but it also teaches blind obedience.

Instead, you can try saying: "I know you don't like this decision. I'll explain, and then we're moving forward." "You're not debating or negotiating—you're modeling respectful leadership. This phrasing acknowledges their feelings and reinforces that you're in charge in a calm, grounded way," she says.

6. Never say: 'This is your fault.'

This phrase is manipulative, according to Psych2Go. "A parent placing blame on their child and acting victimized causes the child to feel like a burden or even a curse. This can lead to them going to great lengths to avoid being a so-called problem, maybe even enslaving themselves to maintain acceptance."

7. Never say: 'Show me some respect.'

Of course, respect should be given when it is properly due. But parents who command this of their kids can not only be confusing, but also stunt your child's critical thinking and questioning, shares Psych2Go.

8. Never say: 'Do what I say or else.'

Saying this to your child is "an outright threat," which totally dismisses your child's needs and desires. In turn, this can lead to your child feeling unworthy of anything but your whims as a parent, says Psych2Go.

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Man brilliantly points out the unexpected effect of growing up with 'judgmental' parents

"Not enough people talk about this.”

Photo credit: Canva

How judgmental parents taught us to anticipate a judgmental world.

Many of us grew up as sounding boards for our parents in one capacity or another—including being the one to hear their offhanded comments about someone else. It could very well be a trait that’s passed on to us that we do with our own kids, whether we realize it or not.

However, there’s one major way this impacts how littles grow up to perceive the world, says Nick Werber, an Integrative Coach who posts a lot of family education content across social media.

In a clip posted to his TikTok, Werber explained that, “When you grow up around a caregiver that was constantly judging or complaining about people behind their back but they did it in front of you, you may or may not have thought ‘Wow, mom or dad— they’re really judgmental.’ But what you might have absorbed is the fear that people are judging you behind your back.”

@nick_werber

When judgment is the background noise of childhood, it can shape how you experience closeness, even as an adult. This one is pretty specific, do you relate? #familydynamics #highlysensitiveperson #innerchildhealing #cyclebreakers #attachmentwounds #scapegoatchild #traumaawareness #healingjourney

He continued, “Because even if your caregiver’s judgments weren’t directed at you, the behavior shapes how you see relationships. It’s like you absorb that belonging means getting scrutinized. That closeness with other people opens you up to their judgments."

“I share this today not because I think parents should or even could be perfect in every way,” he concluded, “but because this is one of those things I think that really does affect sensitive, attuned kids and not enough people talk about this.”

If this scenario felt all-too-relatable for you, you’re not alone. The video, which racked up over 500K views, also brought in a slew of comments from folks who apparently had this exact same experience—many of whom grew up to become chronic people pleasers. Imagine that.

“My mother judged everyone. The mailman, the cooking show host, the cashier at the grocery, the lady at the drive thru. This makes SO much sense.”

judgmental parents, family education, family, parents, parenting advice, healthy parenting, toxic parenting A woman judging a mailman. Photo credit: Canva

“So you’re telling me the reason I feared going into ‘popular’ stores at the mall as a teen because I feared the employees wer judgin me because I didn’t belong was actually because my mom judge everyone and everything? huh.”

“Ergh yes. They were constantly pointing out ‘fat’ people.”

“How did you know my life.”

“This is how I grew up. My mom would be so sweet to someone’s face then sneer at them the second they turned around. It was very confusing."

“Funny how growing up under constant judgment wires your brain to assume everyone’s holding a gavel, even when you’d never pick one up yourself. It’s like your nervous system still thinks it's being graded, even though you dropped the class years ago.”

“Absolutely. My mom, grandmother, and aunts live close together and talk about all the other family members. I will never open up or trust them because they will talk about my business too and make it everyone’s business.”

“I literally thought ‘wow mom and dad are so great so listing out all the ways people can be wrong, now I know how to be perfect…lol.”

judgmental parents, family education, family, parents, parenting advice, healthy parenting, toxic parenting People pleasers, unite!Photo credit: Canva

This conversation isn’t meant to bash any parents for being imperfect, but rather to point out common, yet unhelpful, patterns which may continue to stifle our personal development (and that of our kids) if left unbroken. Thankfully, we are at a time where pattern-breaking conversations are very much the norm, and so many parents today aim to use the insights they gain about the past in order to create the healthy environments they might not have received.

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