parenting advice

This summer in my house, we've made a big change. For the first time ever, we're letting our oldest daughter walk to the pool by herself. It's about three-quarters of a mile, or a 10-15 minute walk. It feels like a big deal to us. The walk is along a very busy road that she has to cross at the very end. She was nervous the first time she tried it, and so were we.

But...she's 10 years old. It's time. For reference, I was walking all over the place by myself at the same age, or playing outside for hours with my parents only having a very vague sense of where I was. This is a natural part of growing up that, it seems, more and more kids are being deprived of. Not through malicious intent on the part of parents, but just because we're scared.

It seems that everywhere I go, one parent or another is telling me I need to read The Anxious Generation. We're all worried about the Gen Alpha kids, apparently. And though I've yet to read it myself, one of the key takeaways I keep seeing is that "as parents, we’re too overprotective in the real world and not overprotective enough online," as summed up by The Everymom. In other words, we smother them and shelter them from any possible harm like kidnapping, getting hit by a car, being bullied or even made to feel uncomfortable—and in doing so, we stifle their growth, their confidence, and their ability to become successful adults.

One mom recently took to social media to share a big independence win. She called it a "lightbulb moment" when she realized she'd been helicopter parenting her son and finally decided to take a big step back.

Soon, dozens of other parents chimed in on the Reddit thread with similar stories. They're so heartwarming and empowering, reminding us that the kids are capable of so much more than we think. They just need the chance to shine.

1. "Let my son order his own meal at a restaurant for the first time."

"Let my son order his own food at a restaurant for the first time."Canva Photos

The OP kicked off the powerful thread with a simple story from dinner.

"So yesterday we went to our usual diner for breakfast, and instead of automatically ordering for him like I always do, I told my son (7) that he was going to tell the waitress what he wanted all by himself. The look of panic on his face was immediate."

As hard as it was to hold back, Mom didn't help. She just smiled and encouraged her son to handle the interaction himself.

"He stumbled a bit at first, speaking so quietly she had to lean in, but then he found his voice. He ordered his pancakes, asked for extra syrup, and even remembered to say please. The waitress was so sweet about it too, giving him her full attention and treating him like a real customer. After she walked away, he had this huge grin and said 'Mom, did you see that? I did it all by myself' He sat up straighter in the booth and you could just see the confidence radiating from him.

"It was such a small thing, but watching him realize he could handle it on his own was incredible. I've been ordering for him out of habit and probably some misguided attempt to make things 'easier,' but I was actually robbing him of these little moments to grow."

2. "Sent my 4-year-old to the register with my credit card."

Handing over cash to a child is always risky. There's no guarantee you'll ever get it back. But the whole credit card?! That takes some serious bravery as a parent. But this is how kids learn.

"My proudest moment recently was when I sent my 4yo to the counter at McDonalds with my credit card and told him to buy himself a bottle of water. He came back with the water, my card, a receipt, and a huge proud smile on his face," another user added.

3. "Let my 6-year-old make his own noodles."

A child handling a heavy pot of boiling water. What could possibly go wrong!? Turns out, that's the wrong question. What could go right? That's a better one.

"I taught my six year old how to make noodles today. The only thing I did was lift the heavy pot twice. He was over the moon about making his own dinner. Then, of course my four year old decided he wanted to do it too, but that still didn't ruin the moment for the older one. Going to start doing this more," one user said.

4. "Encouraged my son to speak for himself at the doctor's office."

Once you start thinking about it, it's really amazing how often parents end up speaking on behalf of their kids who are perfectly capable of using their own voice. Again, it's not malicious, it's from a place of protectiveness. Maybe they don't need us to speak for them after all.

"We took our son (7) to an after hours clinic yesterday because we were worried about some ongoing stomach pain and wanted to rule out appendicitis. I had gone over with him what would likely happen in the appointment. The doctor came in and addressed my son asking what was going on and getting his story before addressing us parents. He did a very good job explaining how he had been feeling and when. He answered her questions as best he could," a user shared.

"But hearing him explain to her what was going on was a similar experience for me as what you had described. It was great to see him practice telling someone who is not his parent what is going on."

5. "Sent my 18-year-old to the bank to open his own account."

Even teens and young adults need lessons in independence. A parent's job is never truly done.

"My 18 year old went to the bank this weekend and opened an account all by himself. When I saw him afterwards he had the 18 year old version of your son’s expression. Confidence, pride, belief in self. It’s a big deal letting them do the things in their own. "

6. "Let my kid work the self-checkout all by himself."

"I let my kid do the self-checkout from start to finish."Canva Photos

The grocery store is chock-full of lessons and opportunities for kids to practice independence.

"I have mine ring up the groceries at the self check out from start to finish. Or if he wants to buy something at a store: I give him my card and then stand back and let him check out (taught him to greet the cashier, say bye etc). Also at the library, if he’s looking for a book, damaged a book (it happened once), or needs help, I have him speak to the librarian and work it out," one parent shared.

7. "Asked my 8-year-old to return the cart across the parking lot."

You've got to start somewhere, even if these little independent moments seem small. They can really build on themselves if keep it up.

"My son just turned 8 and my in laws are taking him on a big camping trip for a week by themselves without us there. It's kind of been a crash course in independence getting him ready ... The last couple of weeks he's been showering by himself and today I let him park the cart across the parking lot in the little slots while I buckled his sister in the car. It's amazing what kids can do when you give them the opportunity!" a parent said.

8. "Helped the kids learn to call in the pizza order."

Calling in a pizza order seems small, too, but don't forget that a lot of younger people—heck, people in general—get extremely anxious about speaking on the phone. This is excellent practice for them.

"My kids [used] to get so angry when I would ask what's for dinner and one would suggest pizza, I would say great, who is calling it in. This started from age 12 with the oldest. We would write out the order so they just had to read and I would be right there if there was an issue," this parent added.

9. "Let my 6-year-old call the shots at the drive-thru"

Ordering their own food seems to be a popular and effective place to start, even for very young kids.

"I let my 6 year old daughter order her Happy Meals in the drive-thru. She gets to roll down her back window and give the order and she makes sure to say please and thank you. A few times I’ve had to step-in and confirm everything because her voice is still soft. And sometimes she gets stage fright and doesn’t want to talk at all and I take over. But no matter what she LOVES when I pull forward enough for the attendant to hand her the Happy Meal box," a parent shared.

10. "Taught my kids to check themselves in to the doctor."

"I taught my kids how to check themselves in at the doctor."Canva Photos

Teaching your child independence isn't just about confidence. It could quite literally be a life-saving skill one day.

"I started having my children at 11 'check themselves in' to doctors appointments," one parent said. "I would always do the pre-check, but let them give their name. At 13 I stopped doing the pre-check. ... I started giving them their insurance cards that come in the mail at 12.5.

"My kiddos know their insurance information, know their primary care doctors name, and know how to handle checking in. I did this specifically just in case they ever had an emergency and didn't have the information and I wasn't with them. They know their address, 5 main phone numbers, primary care doctor, and both insurances. We are now working on social security numbers."

11. "I let my 4-year-old have the CostCo experience"

If you want to throw your kiddo in the deep end, just take them to the jungle that is CostCo on a Sunday morning.

"I've ... been trying to back off and let my 4yo son be more independent," another parent shared. "I have such high anxiety that I'm just trying to get from one thing to another quickly, but like you said robbing him of those moments to practice independence.

"Today we went to Costco to get batteries and he scanned the membership card, carried the batteries to the self checkout, scanned it, used my credit card to pay, and showed the employee at the exit our receipt. The employees were so nice and patient with him too (luckily it wasn't very busy) and all told him what a good job he did! He has been talking about how he went shopping all by himself for 4 hours now nonstop."

Fostering independence in our kids is not just good for their long-term outcomes and confidence, it's crucial for their mental health.

They need to feel that they have agency and some level of control in our crazy world. And though letting go of the reins can feel scary for parents who are constantly bombarded with worst-case-scenario news, there are lots of little ways to make progress: let them order at a restaurant, make a phone call, or check out at a store. When you start to stack bigger and bigger wins over time, you'll be amazed what they can do.