upworthy

parenting advice

Family

​'It costs you nothing'—mom has epic response to backlash for cleaning her teen's bedroom.

Several people accused her of spoiling her kid. She thought otherwise.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in. For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, more or less.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready. “I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”

@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey

"That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audrey is certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

Cleary, none of the negative comments have dissuaded Audrey from taking care of her daughter this way. In fact, in one video, she mentions that, due to her love language being "acts of service," she actually enjoys doing it.


@organizedchaos4 For everyone in yesterday’s video saying “if she can’t keep it clean she doesn’t deserve it” let’s apply that logic to you, as well. If you’ve ever had a semi-messy home, you don’t deserve it. 😉 See the problem with that logic? We all allow our homes to get messy once in a while. No shame in it. Welcome help if it’s offered. ❤️ We’re all about grace and generational wealth over here. 👏🏻 #cleaning #clean #cleaningmotivation #kids #cleanwithme #organization #organize ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


@organizedchaos4 For everyone in yesterday’s video saying “if she can’t keep it clean she doesn’t deserve it” let’s apply that logic to you, as well. If you’ve ever had a semi-messy home, you don’t deserve it. 😉 See the problem with that logic? We all allow our homes to get messy once in a while. No shame in it. Welcome help if it’s offered. ❤️ We’re all about grace and generational wealth over here. 👏🏻 #cleaning #clean #cleaningmotivation #kids #cleanwithme #organization #organize ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey

And for those of us adults without a parent to help clean, Audrey has some pretty great organizational tips on her TikTok for you to peruse.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
kids
Parenting

Parents share why it's better for children to face danger than to be raised sheltered

"There will come a day when you’re not around and curiosity or peer pressure will get the best of them."

Photo by Derek Owens on Unsplash

Parents share 'unpopular opinion' on letting kids take risks and experience danger.

Parents are theirs kids' protectors. Keeping kids safe while also teaching and exposing them to some of life's hardest lessons is a delicate balance.

Parents Andy and Aza (@raisingwellskids) have decided to raise their two kids with a more unconventional parenting idea: they believe that by allowing their kids to be exposed to more risks and danger, it will keep them safe in the long run. It's an 'unpopular opinion' they explain will benefit their kids and others, and they decided to share more about it in an insightful Instagram post.

In the video, one of their kids is lighting a fire on his own without any parental assistance. "Unpopular opinion but equipping kids with the tools, resources and confidence to handle these things is safer than sheltering kids from all possible dangers," they captioned the post.

In the video, they explain that this way of parenting allows their kids more autonomy, experience, and freedom. In turn, it encourages their kids to make wiser decisions on their own.

"Because there will come a day when you’re not around and curiosity or peer pressure will get the best of them," they add in the caption. "There will come a day when they climb too high, or wander too far. There will come a day where they’re exposed to sharp things. The day will always come. And the ones who have been shown safe boundaries and empowered with the skills will be more equipped to handle these situations *safely*."

They go on to share that their goal is to do the opposite of shelter their kids to promote safety. "Exposing kids to risk is *safer* than sheltering kids from risks," the in-video caption reads. "A child who has been taught how to handle a knife, light a fire, given tools trusted to follow directions, and trusted to handle situations *safely* is less likely to get hurt than children sheltered from those risks."

Many viewers agreed with their parenting theory in the comment section. "The lack of risk in children's play and day to day life has had a profound effect on society. Raise kids to know how to handle dangerous situations!" one wrote. Another said, "Age appropriate and supervised. Life skills are important. Raising competent and confident people is a parent’s job."

Other parents shared how they have instilled the same philosophy in their children. "My 3-year old can successfully make scrambled eggs on her own with supervision. She knows all about the importance of not touching hot pans and stove tops. It's so important to expose kids to this stuff and teach them how to handle it 🙌🏽," one wrote.

Another added, "Amen. 🙌 I also think if kids are shown how to do things safely then there is less attraction for them to do those things on their own without permission or guidance, which would be less safe. My daughter just turned 3 and has her own kitchen knives. They’re not very sharp, but she’s learning how to use them safely."

Another viewer shared, "When I allow my child to do something risky around me and I hear people saying not to allow her to do it or to be careful. I say this, my child will do this at some point around me or not, so I'd rather her experience, learn, and get familiar with me around first."

From Your Site Articles
risk
Parenting

Dad discovers his son has pinworms and pediatrician hits him with even worse news

Pinworms are super common and absolutely disgusting.

Justin and Dr. Key|TikTok
Dad discovers child has pinworms and it's freaking people out

If you're a parent you're likely in one of two categories: parents who have never heard of pinworms or parents who shuddered at the headline. Parents are not really given any sort of warning for all of the eyebrow raising situations that occur in childhood and one dad has found out that there was a lot left out of that non-existent parenting handbook. If you thought lice was bad, well, frankly, you have no idea.

Justin, a dad that runs the TikTok page parentingcheerleader took to social media to tell the world of the current nightmare fuel parenting situation he was experiencing. He's also doing parents on social media a solid by giving them a heads up on the disturbing secret plaguing the parenting world–pinworms.

The viral video starts out with no trigger warning before he says though clenched teeth, "my son has worms in his anus." Yeah, you read that right. It's a thing. A slightly terrifying but totally normal thing.


These don't look so bad until you realize where they live.By DPDx, PHIL - Public Domain

About 20% of kids will get pinworms at some point. They can affect anyone, but adults rarely get them because they generally have better hygiene habits and awareness about putting their hands in their mouth after touching surfaces. (You usually get a pinworm infection by accidentally swallowing the eggs. Yeah... sorry for that) The first signs will be an itchy butthole, trouble sleeping, and irritability or loss of appetite.

If you're a glutton for punishment, read on! Pinworms are hard to diagnose, for obvious reasons. They're very small and hard to see, plus they like to live in a very sensitive, hard to reach area. But they are visible to the naked eye, so diagnosis sometimes involves quite literally looking at a child's butt with a flashlight. Sometimes doctors will use tape to see if they can collect eggs from the area, which can be seen under a microscope.

No word from Justin on how he figured out that his kid had pinworms, but that's probably for the best.

"No one tells you about this stuff when you're thinking about being a parent but apparently it's like super normal for a child to just have worms in his booty hole," a flustered, baffled Justin says. In the video, he's on his way to pick up medicine for his kid while trying to somehow wrap his head around the reality of the situation.

@parentingcheerleader

Parenting truly is just one surprise after another. But the biggest surprise to me every time something crazy happens is that it is usually super common, just no one talks about it. So I’m warning you. Your child might get worms in their anus. #justinkellough #dadsoftiktok #parentsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #parentingadvice #parenting @Justin


Dr. Cerissa Key, a pediatrician, chimed in on Justin's disturbing revelation and assured him and every parent watching that pinworms are a common thing that happens in young children.

But she also dropped some info that other's including Justin may not have been ready to hear.

"Justin, sir. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But if your son has worms in his booty hole, sir, politely and respectfully, you also have worms in your booty hole," Key reveals.

Key goes on to explain that kids are "disgusting" and don't wash their hands well so pinworms spread easily if a child at school or daycare has them. She advises that parents stock up on the chalky banana flavored medication that clears them up and to wash everything on hot while being sure to vacuum your floors well. Luckily, there are good over-the-counter options for suffering families, as well as stronger prescription methods available. Typically, medication can get rid of the pinworm infection pretty quickly.

People in the comment section of both videos were horrified that this was an actual thing while others commiserated with the stressed dad.

"I have no kids and now I'm paranoid I have pinworms with no symptoms," one person writes.

"I've raised 4 kids and never had this happen. Tomorrow this will be my entry on my gratitude journal," a mom confesses.

"Do I have kids? No...Do I even work around kids? Also no...do I still have the urge to take this medicine just in case anyways? 100000%," someone says.

Several people were forced to question if they even wanted kids anymore knowing there's a 20% chance they may have to deal with this at some point in the future.

@therealdrkey

#stitch with @Justin Allllll about pinworms! It your kid has them, YOU have them. 😩 #pinworms #pinworm #pediatrician #momlife #itchybottom #itchyvulva #pinwormssuck #parenting

Not everyone was stressed, some were thankful for the information. "Thank you! We haven't experienced pinworms yet, but super informative and helps to make parenting normalized," another commenter writes.

Key suggests that if your child has pinworms that the entire family should take a dose of the medication two weeks apart to make sure any left over newly hatched eggs are also killed. Why so thorough? Well, it's estimated that one pinworm (or threadworm) can lay up to 16,000 eggs.

And on that note...

spongebob, kids, parenting, pinworms, medical, health, medicine, pediatricianMeme Spongebob GIF by MOODMANGiphy

While you may not have been warned about pinworms, no one ever said parenting would be glamorous. It just seems people weren't prepared for how unglamorous it could get.

From Your Site Articles
parenting
Parenting

Dad reveals how he uses brilliant HALT addiction technique to avoid lashing out at his kids

It was pioneered to help recovering addicts.

Images via Canva

Dad uses HALT method from addiction recovery for better parenting.

Disciplining kids is a bona fide part of parenting. Redirecting kids when they are misbehaving takes tact and patience.

TikToker Justin (@abetterdad), a dad of three boys, shared in a new video how a slogan from Alcoholics Anonymous has helped him be more patient and understanding with his kids when they're acting out of line. By taking stock of his kids by using the acronym HALT (which stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), he shares that parents can better assess the 'why' behind a child's misbehavior, which in turn can lead to more patient and understanding reaction in parenting.

"When my kids act out, I challenge myself to ask what I missed instead of blaming them and getting frustrated at their behavior," he wrote in the video's caption. "I use the HALT method (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) to assess what's wrong."

@abetterdad

#creatorsearchinsights

In the video, his three sons can be seen playing on a playground and Justin continues to explain why the HALT method works to prevent him from lashing out at his kids when they are misbehaving. "Most are obvious, but Lonely sneaks up on you. Kids crave connection and often act out when they don't get it."

HALT is an acronym created by Alcoholics Anonymous that is meant to help those in recovery learn to address their most basic needs in order for them to live a healthy and balanced life with the goal of maintaining sobriety. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), HALT should be used "when feeling stressed and then take appropriate action before the impulse to use or reengage in risk behaviors becomes overwhelming." HALT can be defined as:

  • Don't get too Hungry can include an awareness—not only of avoiding being too hungry, but also focusing on healthy eating.
  • Don't get too Angry is a reminder to understand the causes of your anger and find healthy ways to feel and express that anger.
  • Don't get too Lonely is a reminder to connect with safe people, engage in social and recreational activities with others, and attend recovery support groups.
  • Don't get too Tired is a reminder to get enough sleep and rest when fatigued.

HALT, halt method, mental health, AA, mindfulness Stop Right There The End GIF by FreeformGiphy

Psychiatrist and addiction specialist David Streem, MD, with Cleveland Clinic, also adds, “HALT has two physical states — hunger and tired — and two emotional states — anger and lonely. It’s a good balance because you’re taking care of yourself physically and emotionally."

In parenting, Justin encourages parents to implement the slogan in a similar way to better understand why kids may be behaving the way they are, and to address any unmet needs they have before reacting.

@abetterdad

#creatorsearchinsights #parentingtips #momlife #dadlife #toddlertips #childhood

Fellow parents are loving his use of the HALT method to become better parents.

"Is their cup filled? Did they have enough time with you today? That's what I ask myself. They need their cups filled with mom and dad time. Going through the checklist is the best way to go!" one viewer commented.

Another added, "This is going to be of tremendous help. From one dad (whose dad was emotionally distant/abusive/neglectful/etc.) to another, thank you."

Another commented, "What a beautiful time to raise children - we love them so fiercely we find a special determination to HELP rather than push perfection."

From Your Site Articles
halt
Trending Stories