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'Move in Silence': Science confirms not talking about your goals actually helps you achieve them

Sharing your goals out loud makes you feel closer to finishing them. That's not a good thing.

TikTok: @wemiopakunle, @_alliechen, @mandanazarfhami,
Science confirms ‘Move in Silence’ trend might be the smartest way to achieve your goals.

Don't roll your eyes: TikTok's latest viral wisdom is backed by hard data—and it's making people rethink their communication habits. We live in a world of chronic oversharing. We post everything, from the routes we run (including screenshots as proof of all that hard work), to the pale-green iced matcha latte sitting at our desks or a present from a boyfriend (who will be tagged prominently, not secretly off screen). Who knows when, but our brains became wired for sharing: to record, to curate, and to post every second of our lives, then consume that of others to a disturbing degree.

So, here's a radical idea: when it comes to goals and plans, try keeping them to yourself. It could be the key to making them a reality.

That's the message behind TikTok's massively popular "Move in Silence" trend, where creators like @noemoneyyy have cracked the contradictory code to success: Instead of broadcasting every big idea or project that runs through your head, if you actually want it to come to fruition, keep your plans to yourself until they're executed. And it's not just a trend; surprisingly, science also supports this muted approach.

@noemoneyyy

Work in private and let the results speak! #privatelife #privatelifehappylife #workinprivate #creatorsearchinsights

"As a former oversharer who used to tell every single friend, every single family member, or a partner everything I was doing, I promise you things always work out better when you keep them to yourself," explains creator @noemoneyyy in a video that's garnered millions of views.

On a different video by @mandanazarfhami, she says, “I don’t care what you’ve got going on in your life: that dream job, that city that you want to move to, that dream person, that dream life, that dream anything. Literally keep it to yourself until it’s done.”

Commentors were quick to agree, with one person writing: “From a young age, I never told anyone my next steps. I also taught my husband and son to keep our private matters to themselves and just do things 💯Not many people like it, but who cares🌝🙌🏼🫶🏼”

Another chimed in, “This concept has changed my life for the better.” Others replied, “100 agree 💕” and “100%🙌🏼people can’t ruin what is silent, show results.”

Lil Wayne, famously, agreed when he wrote "Real G's move in silence like lasagna."

@mandanazarghami

monitoring spirits are a real thing - move in silence and watch how much your life changes #fypシ

What's going on here

In a study done by New York University, researchers found that people who kept their goals private worked on tasks for an average of 45 minutes, compared to the 33 minutes of work completed by those who announced their plans in advance. The twist? The people who shared their goals expressed feeling closer to finishing, despite doing approximately 25% less work.

NYU psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, who led the research, concluded that "once you've told other people your intentions, it gives you a 'premature sense of completeness.'" He also found that the brain is made up of "identity symbols," which create one's self-image. Interestingly, both action and talking about action create symbols in your brain, so simply speaking about a future plan or something you want to do satisfies that part of your brain. When we make our goals public, especially ones that matter to us and deal with our identity, our ability to achieve said goal is significantly reduced. As the old adage goes, "actions speak louder than words."

Stranger still, in his paper "Does Social Reality Widen the Intention-Behavior Gap," Gollwitzer notes that in order for this phenomenon to happen, one must truly care about their goals. "Ironically, this effect was only found for participants who are very committed to their goal!" PsychologyToday notes. "The lesson learned is that the more passionate you are about your goals, the more secretive you should be about them."

women, silence, achievements, goals, move in silence Say less and do more. Photo by Darí Dorofeeva on Unsplash

Another reason to keep quiet: If you're a beginner trying something new, sharing your plans could potentially open you up to criticism and negative feedback, which could deter you from even starting. At the University of Chicago, professor Ayelet Fishbach conducted studies to determine how positive and negative feedback affects the pursuit of one's goal. According to Atlassian, she and her team found:

  • When positive feedback signals commitment to a goal, it increases motivation.
  • When positive feedback signals progress, it actually decreases motivation.

"One example the researchers give is a math student who gets a good grade on a test. If she perceives it to mean she likes math, she will study harder. If, however, she sees the high score as a sign she is making progress in the class, she may ease up and study less," they write.

We've all been there: excitedly telling everyone about your grand plans to backpack through Europe, the year you'll finally learn Spanish, or joining the group lesson at the tennis courts you always pass by… only to mysteriously lose all motivation a week later. Turns out, those lovely dopamine bursts that accompany every enthusiastic "That sounds great!" or "You should totally do it!" response might be precisely what's holding you back.

The good news? You don't need to become closed-off and secretive, a hermit on the top of a mountain who's afraid to share any part of themselves with the world. Research suggests that sharing your goals with one or two selected friends who can be trusted to provide meaningful support is still a good idea. Just hold off on the Instagram Live announcement until you've actually accomplished something substantial.

women, silence, achievements, goals, move in silence Shhhhhh Giphy

So, the next time you sit down to write your goals, whether they be a new year's resolution, the day's to-do list, or a five-year plan, think twice about sharing it with others. Give it time and you might have something better to share soon: the results.

Nolwazi Sangweni writes for The Orange Journal: "Moving in silence is staying lowkey and only popping out when the main questions you’ll be asked will start with ‘since when…?’"

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

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Pop Culture

Move over January 1st. The viral 'October Theory' explains why fall is best for new beginnings.

This actually makes a lot of sense.

@macymorgan_/TikTok

Feeling like it's too late to make your goals? Read this.

Typically our society views New Years as the time for carving out new beginnings. But a now-viral TikTok trend called the “October Theory” argues that this month is actually just as good for recommitting to our goals—which can be great news for folks who have lost a little steam as the year’s end approaches.

As the theory goes, October can elicit a lot of the same feelings of self-reflection that January does. But the key difference—and benefit—is that with October you can act on whatever insights you’ve gathered while you still have a substantial 90 days left with the current year.

In other words, October can act as a “mini New Year.”

Macy Morgan, who shared her interpretation of “October Theory” as early back as last year, and perhaps might have even originate the idea, told TODAY.com, “People get this feeling of anxiousness but also motivation like you would for a new year.”

“People realize that they’re going to be seeing a lot of friends and family who are going to ask a lot of questions, and it just makes them realize like, ‘oh my gosh, we’re really, really close to the end of the year,’ but we’re not there yet. I still have a couple of months left to get my life in order,” she explained.


@macyymorgan_

OCTOBER 1ST THEORY #october #fall #fallaesthetic #theory #fyp #grwm #grwmroutine #makeuptutorial #letschat #grwmmakeup


Recently, several more people have shared how they've applied the October Theory to their own goals—beit revamping a fitness routine or making more strides with quarterly work plans.


@emmakatehall

October theory is a real thing #octobertheory


@chloevanberkel

tik tok comes up with a lot of theories but i’m kinda here for this one #october #octobertheory #firstofthemonth #endoftheyear #fallseason


@reema.sharma

Let October theory be real 🙏🏽✨🎃 #october #firstofthemonth #octobertheory #fall #manifesting @jesskaaaa___ #fyp #octobermood


And while one should probably always take trendy TikTok theories with a grain of salt, psychology does tend to indicate that autumn contains some extra potency in our collective consciousness.

When asked to speak on the subject by Bustle, Brianna Paruolo, LCMHC, a psychotherapist and founder of On Par Therapy, said, “The autumn season often sparks a natural inclination for transformation. As the leaves change color and fall, we're reminded of the beauty in letting go and embracing new beginnings.”

“This combination of environmental changes and societal rhythms creates a perfect storm for personal transformation,” she added, saying it “allow[s] us to shed old habits — just like trees shedding leaves — and cultivate new aspects of ourselves.”

Plus, any astrology enthusiast will tell you that October begins in Libra season, associated with balance and weighing out every option, and then ushers in Scorpio season, seen as a time of major transformation and renewal. All this to say—there’s plenty of symbolism infused into this time of year, which we can tap into to get an extra boost.

Lastly, it’s worth noting that, at least generally speaking, it takes around 66 days to create a new routine, as productivity expert and author James Clear notes on his website. That means starting a new habit by October could give you plenty of time to actually make it stick.

Honestly, giving yourself time to reflect and and reset your intentions is good any time of the year, but any hack to really get your mind and spirit on board can't hurt trying. As a bonus—you can do celebrate new Year’s in a Halloween costume, which has gotta be more fun.

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Identity

A woman requested inspiring middle-age success stories, and the internet delivered—big time

There's nothing magical about "making it" in your younger years.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash, @JillHannaA/Twitter, @KateGrand/Twitter

It all can happen at just the right time.

Media outlets love to compile lists of impressive people under a certain age. They laud the accomplishments of fresh-faced entrepreneurs, innovators, influencers, etc., making the rest of us ooh and ahh wonder how they got so far so young.

While it's great to give credit where it's due, such early-life success lists can make folks over a certain age unnecessarily question where we went wrong in our youth—as if dreams can't come true and successes can't be had past age 30.

Weary of lists celebrating youngsters, television writer and producer Melissa Hunter sent out a tweet requesting a new kind of list for 2020. "Instead of 30 Under 3 or NextGen lists," she wrote, "please profile middle-aged people who just got their big breaks. I want to read about a mother of 2 who published her first novel, a director who released their first studio feature at 47, THAT'S THE LIST WE WANT."

The Twitterverse responded with a resounding "YAAASSS." Story after story of folks finding success in their 40s, 50s, and beyond began pouring in. If you worry that you're not far enough along in your 20s or 30s, or think it's too late for you to follow your passion in the autumn of your life, take a look at these examples of people crushing it in their mid-to-late adulthood.

Take this mother of four teens who released her first full-length book at 45 and started law school this year at age 47.

Or the woman who published two books in her late 50s and is revising book #3 at age 60. Oh, she also started running at age 45.

Another person shared how they got out of prison for drugs at age 49, stayed clean and started their own business, and broke the $1 million sales mark last year at 56.

"Lauching my clothing line now—at 48," wrote a mom of two. "Next venture feels amazing."

Another user chimed in with "Yes! Plus the 40 under 40, 30 under 30 can be quite contrived (sometimes). I want to see people juggling school, career, and family.”

Yet another mother of two teens finished her PhD at 41 and got a tenure-track position at age 47. She's also working on a book on Indigenous Early Childhood.

How about this woman who hadn't taken a math class for 40 years? She aced her statistics classes and will graduate with a perfect GPA after she turns 60. "Lots of life to live!" she says.

Another mom (are we seeing a theme here?) discovered a passion for interior design and won a national TV design challenge in her late 40s. Now, at 60, she has a successful design career and contributes to radio and magazines.

Of course, we also know there are fabulously successful folks who got a "late" start in Hollywood, including the incomparable Ava DuVernay, "who left her job at age 40 to focus on filmmaking and then became the first black woman to make over $100 million at the box office.”

As one man pointed out, "The idea that you've got five years between 20 and 30 to do everything you're ever going to do is ridiculous." Hunter agreed, writing, "The advice is always that it's a marathon, not a race, and I wanna read about the people who finished that marathon!!"

So many stories of people publishing their first books, landing their ideal jobs, or discovering a passion later in life just kept coming, and person after person shared how inspiring and motivating they were.

Of course, not everyone has lofty career goals. If these stories aren't quite hitting the mark for you, check out this woman's contribution to the conversation. She's "just a regular human," she says, but she went to Zimbabwe and volunteered at a wildlife refuge at age 47. "Life doesn't just peter out after 30," she wrote. "My friend Elsa is 96 and went on an archaeological dig at 75. I want to be like her."

Don't we all.

Age really is just a number, and there's nothing magical about "making it" in your younger years. Let's be sure to celebrate people living their best lives and making dreams come true at any and every age.


This article originally appeared on 01.10.20

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Are you a planning junkie? How to determine which planner will actually work for you

It helps to get real about your "planning personality" before being tempted by every pretty planner out there.

Photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash

Picking a planner can feel like Sophie's choice for some of us.

Confession: I love planners. All planners. Can't get enough of them. Sometimes I'll go through the planner section of the store just to put my hands on all the potential held in those perfectly organized pages. Part of me believes, deep down, that if I just find the perfect planner that includes everything I need and nothing I don't and I utilize it to perfection, I will get to live the orderly and organized life of my dreams. It's a problem.

Fellow planner junkies, I know you feel me. One of the things we love about planners is that they hold a promise few other tools do, giving us an ideal structure to daydream about a beautifully organized life we aren't yet living. For those of us who are more Type A, using a planner is a satisfying way to keep all of those life ducks in a row. For the Type B folks, using a planner helps rein in the inevitable ball-dropping that comes with having a laid back personality.

(At least that's what we Type B folks tell ourselves, right?)

It doesn't help that there are more kinds of planners than there have ever been before. We're no longer talking about a simple calendar system or appointment book anymore—now we've got goal setting, task prioritizing, routine recording, habit tracking, bullet journaling, menu planning, self-care managing, home decluttering, vision creating, dream manifesting, and a hundred other ways to organize our inner and outer lives on paper. Not only that, but we also have stickers and washi tape and stencils hand lettering and other embellishments that may or may not add to the planning fun.

It can be overwhelming to have so many choices, so if you're like me and get tempted by every planner you see, it's important to narrow down the field a bit. For that, we gotta get real about what our "planning personality" really is.

Here are five questions to ask and answer for yourself before clicking "purchase" on any planner.

Am I looking to organize time and tasks, or do I want a planner that tracks everything in my life?

Both of these options are available in spades, but knowing which thing you're looking for will automatically cut the options in half for you.

If you're just looking to organize time and tasks, find a planner that has daily, weekly and monthly calendar pages and little else. Maybe a place to make to-do lists. But keep it simple.

If you want it all, think through what would be most helpful to you to help you reach your goals. What are you prioritizing in your life right now, or what do you want to prioritize? Productivity? Family organization? Self-care? Focus on planners that center those things.

Do I want a digital planner, a paper planner or something in between?

With extra large phone screens and ever-better tablet devices, some people have switched to full digital organizing. High tech planning certainly has its advantages, but some people truly prefer pen and paper planning, so you do you.

The good news about digital planners is that a lot of them now function basically like paper planners, so if don't want to give up the doodle drawing and handwriting part of planning, you don't have to.

There are also more paper planners than ever, so the fears that computers were going to eliminate the need for paper certainly hasn't panned out

And yes, there is such thing as an in-between here. The Rocketbook planner lets you write on paper but then digitally upload to your devices so you can kind of have the best (and worst) of both worlds. Perhaps a good option if you want to ease the transition from paper to digital.

How does my gut feel when I'm looking at the specific elements of a planner? Am I inspired or anxious?

If you're a time/tasks person, does having time slots labeled feel comforting or too confining? Does having a space to prioritize tasks make you feel like you have more control or does it stress you out? Do you want a dated or undated planner? We all react differently to different levels of structure, and you want to strike the right balance for you.

We also all respond to visuals differently. You might like things crisp and streamlined, while someone else might thrive with ornate design flourishes. You might find lots of color appealing while someone else might find it overwhelming. If a planner doesn't inspire you to use it, you probably won't, but what inspires one person will turn another person away, so don't compare your reactions to anyone else's.

How much time do I realistically want to spend on this each day/week/month?

Some people love utitlizing their planner to the fullest and incorporating it into their entire life aesthetic, some people aspire to that level of commitment but don't have the personality for it, and some people just want to keep things as simple as possible for themselves. It's vital that you know which category you fall into.

I am totally drawn to the colorful, beautifully designed and hand-lettered-on-every-page bullet journal idea, but I have also learned that my brain isn't about that life. It's simply not going to happen, no matter how lovely I think the idea is, so I have to resist the temptation.

How long do I want this single planner to last?

Planners really do come in all kinds of formats these days, including different lengths of time. Some planners run for well over a year, while some are designed to be used for six months or 90 days. And then there are undated planners and bullet journaling systems that don't have any specific starting or ending dates.

How far out do you like to plan, realistically? How often do you feel the need to restart/reboot your planning system? Some of us like the reliability of using a long-term planner, and some of us need to change things up frequently. There's no right or wrong or best or worst, but it's good to know which you prefer. If you tend to be planner commitment-phobic or someone who likes to try new planners frequently, maybe go for one of the shorter time frames and see how it goes.

Planner junkie, know thyself

The main key to choosing a planner is getting real about how you really function. Sometimes that takes some experimentation, especially if you don't have years of failed planner usage under your belt already. But the more you can narrow down your choices and avoid being tempted by the million new and shiny options, the better chance you have of finding the planner that really will work for you.

(Final tip: You can go to this page on Amazon and click on your preferred options on the left side of the page, and that will narrow down the choices significantly.)

Happy planning, everyone!

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