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The 17 harsh truths about aging that people were never 'prepared' for

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down."

via Kindel Media/Pexels

A woman contemplating aging

Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.

A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.



Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

1. There is an end

"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."

"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."

2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"

3. Mind/body detachment

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."

"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."



4. The past feels closer than it is

"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."

"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."

Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

5. Stuck in the wrong time

"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."



6. You lose friends

"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."

"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."

7. Your parents are aging, too

"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."

"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."

8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions

"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"

"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"



9. Your friends die

"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."

10. Time flies

"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."

"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."

11. The monotony sets in

"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."

12. You become invisible to much of society

"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."



13. Adults aren't real

"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."

14. Priorities change

"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."

15. Younger people's reverence

"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."

16. Ageism

"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."

"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"

17. It all catches up

"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."

This article originally appeared in September.
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Pop Culture

18 months shy of 100, Dick Van Dyke has big plans that don’t include retirement

The unstoppable legend is still excited about what’s next.

Gage Skidmore

Dick Van Dyke is the epitome of aging goals.

If there's any Hollywood star that embodies agelessness, positivity and good old-fashioned fun, it's Dick Van Dyke. The legendary comedic actor has had a 70-year long career in film, television and stage productions and he shows no signs of stopping.

In fact, at 98-years-old, he says he'd love to take a one-man show on the road.

“Cary Grant did it,” Van Dyke told Deadline. “And Gregory Peck. Went on the road and talked about their careers. I think it’d be fun.”

The man behind the iconic dance scenes in “Mary Poppins” and “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” has always shown off his seemingly endless energy in his physical performances, but the fact that he’s still going strong at 18 months shy of 100 is genuinely impressive.

His secret? “Genuinely enjoying myself,” he said. He insists his success isn’t due to any particular ambition or drive, but rather that he sees his work as play. “I always loved what I was doing. If it had felt like work, I probably would have stopped it a long time ago, but I just loved it."

And it wasn’t that he was specifically trained for the work. He started at 17 as a radio announcer and then joined a comedy troupe, in fact, he’d never even had a dance lesson before he landed some of his most well-known roles.

“I was always pretty light footed,” Van Dyke told Entertainment Weekly. “When I auditioned for Bye Bye Birdie, [director] Gower Champion said, ‘You have the part.’ And I said, ‘Mr. Champion, I don't dance.’ He said, ‘I'll show you.’ And he did. He saw that I had the physical ability to do it, and it was like learning to fly.”

As is typical for his age, Van Dyke’s long-term memories are sharp while he forgets things like what he ate for breakfast. But his wife, Arlene, whom he’s been married to for 12 years, helps keep him going.

“She keeps me in shape, feeds me and I love her more everyday,” he told Forbes. “We’re just getting closer and closer.”

Arlene (52) also shared with Forbes how Van Dyke has made her a better person, reinforcing that his loveable, jolly demeanor is just who he is.

“I was very cynical, I think, when I first met him,” she said. “He’s such a great human being and he’s so pure in his thoughts and his heart, that it’s rubbed off on me. Just all the wholesome things of life—that’s what he has and he’s just made me a better person.”

Van Dyke doesn't see himself the way the rest of us do, as a legend and an icon. “It’s a little hard for me to get my brain around that,” he told Deadline. “I don’t see myself that way and I can’t comprehend myself as that."

However, the recent CBS television special that showcased his life and career in a variety show, "Dick Van Dyke 98 Years of Magic" made it clear that his legendary status is solidly understood. Between the joy his performances have brought to children and adults alike, the positivity he exudes on screen and off, the longevity and vitality he displays on every level, he's proven himself to be entertainment and aging goals personified.

With age comes a lot of loss, however, and Van Dyke admits there's a bit of sadness in seeing his career being showcased, as most of the people he's worked with have passed. He told Deadline that Carl Reiner's death hit him particularly hard.

"“I think I learned more from Carl Reiner than anyone else,” he said. “He understood comedy. He understood drama. He had a sense of timing like nobody else. And he was just so sharp and bright and a philosopher on top of it. He was the finest human being I ever knew.”

But regardless of age, Van Dyke has no plans to retire, ever. He just did his first soap opera spot on "Days of Our Lives," and he delights in seeing how his work—his "play"—continues to make an impact.

“I’m on my third generation now of kids who are writing to me," he told Deadline. "And I’m getting wonderful mail from their parents thanking me for providing good entertainment for their kids. They’re so kind about it. That I really appreciate. I’m so lucky.”

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Identity

One woman's question asking if life gets better after 30 went viral. Here are the best responses.

No, you don't have to have life "figured out."

Photo by Marina Barcelos on Unsplash

A recent Twitter thread highlights life after turning 30.

There's something really scary about turning 30. Society places so much emphasis on reaching your fourth decade of life, giving it more importance than it actually needs. At 30, apparently, you're supposed to have figured out all the big things, including your career and your love life. It reminds me of the movie "13 Going on 30" when teenage Jenna is sitting in the closet repeating "30 and flirty and thriving" over to herself as some sort of mantra. I don't know about your experience, but the concept of "30 and flirty and thriving" for me ended up being a total myth. That's what people are trying to tell a Twitter user who needed reassurance that life "gets better" after 30.

Katherine Morgan, known as blktinabelcher on Twitter, is a writer and bookseller who asked a question of the Twitter hive mind to set her mind at ease.

"I’m 28, so I’m almost there, but can people in their 30s and older please (gently) tell me that it’s going to get better and I don’t need to have figured out my entire life in two years?" she wrote. The tweet took off, with more than 100,000 likes and thousands of replies. While everyone phrased their responses differently, the general consensus was you don't have to have anything figured out before you turn 30.

Here are some of the best replies:

"I feel like I ain’t even start living until I was 30. You good," prolific author Jason Reynolds said.

"I'm more than twice your age, and it's getting better and I'm just now starting to figure it out. You are way ahead of schedule," said user Dean Gloster.

"The good news is you don't need to figure your life out in 2 years. The semi-bad news is never fully gets figured out. That's a myth. You'll be growing and changing your whole life, and there will be periods of confusion in there. There will also be periods of stability." — sosomanysarahs

"I'm seventy in less than a month. Every decade was better than the one before. I'm so looking forward to this next one." — sandralambert

"I’m 34. You definitely do NOT need to have it all figured out. I don’t. And I’m okay with that. And things definitely do get better, there’s no doubt about that. You’ve got this. Your 30s come with a hell of a lot more clarity." — _gregorryyy

"I turned my corner at 46. It got better not because I was older, but because I finally cut loose/healed all that was holding me back. 30 is arbitrary. You’ll get there." — author Deesha Philyaw

What is it about turning 30 that scares people so much? Research on the topic turns up millions of articles about the fear and anxiety attached to the 30th birthday. I remember the way my stomach would churn as the calendar got closer to my 30th birthday. I experienced an overwhelming sense of dread because I didn't feel I had accomplished all the things that TV, films and magazines told me I should have by then.

In an article for Forbes, writer Frances Bridges points out that "thirty may not be 'that young,' but it is definitely young enough that if you do not like your job, your partner, the city you live in, etc., you can change your life and still be the success you envisioned."

That's the thing! We treat turning 30 like an ending, when should be a beginning. Now that I'm in my mid-30s, I feel like the most settled, current version of myself to date. Are there still major life changes happening? Of course, that's called being alive. There is something to be said about the emotional shifts of growing older. The more life you live, the more your perspective changes and you become more settled in who you are.

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This dance crew of women over 40 has all of the right moves.

'I'm not just 'over the hill,' but I'm coming down that hill with speed, baby!'

True
Smirnoff

On a beautiful Saturday morning in Los Angeles, a group of women gathered together to get down.

It looked just like this.

All images from Ole Skool, used with permission.

And this. 

The moves are top-notch. But this isn't your run-of-the-mill dance crew. 

​Meet Ole Skool, the dancers for the WNBA's Los Angeles Sparks.

These women are mothers, grandmothers, teachers, and retirees to name a few — but the common bond they all have is they're over 40 years old and are passionate about dancing. 

The fierce ladies of the Ole Skool dance crew.

News flash: No matter what the media tries to tell you, women don't expire at 40.

Are you looking for women over 40 in television or movies? Good luck with that because they are few and far between. Even though the majority of the female population in the U.S. is over 40, older men appear almost 10 times more often than women in the media. 

The ladies on the Ole Skool crew want to flip the script. Not only are they all over 40, but they're here to tell you that they're living the best years of their lives right now. 

Let's meet a few of them.

The baby of the crew: 42-year-old Richelle.

Richelle is a high school teacher and said that she learned to dance right around the time she learned how to walk. When she was in her 20s, she was a dancer for the Chicago Bulls during the Michael Jordan era.

Now? She's a 41-year-old mother of two with a simple message for her fellow moms:

"Show your kids that you can do anything and be anything," she said. "That will inspire them do anything and be anything, too." 

The OD (Original Dancer): 63-year-old Marilyn.

When the L.A. Sparks formed a dance team back in 2004, Marilyn was one of the original members. 12 years later, the 63-year-old grandmother is still kicking (literally). With a smile to light up any room and the personality to match, Marilyn shares her perspective on the current state of her life. 

"People say you're over the hill when you're 40," Marilyn told Upworthy. "I'm not just 'over the hill,' but I'm coming down that hill with speed, baby!" 

The daughter of a legend: 58-year-old Virginia.

To say that Virginia's background is interesting would be an understatement. She's the daughter of musical legend Johnny Guitar Watson and said she was the casting director for Prince's first small acting gig in Los Angeles. 

While growing up, she watched her dad revolutionize the music industry, and she's honored to be a part of team that's doing the same in the dance world. 

"Make today the day that you step into your dreams," Virginia told Upworthy. "At the end of the day, the only person who can tell your story is you."

The leader: 31-year-old Lindsay.

OK, so 31-year-old Lindsay's technically not a member of the team, but that's because she's the director and choreographer of the Ole Skool crew. She will be the first to admit that she was a little hesitant at first about coaching women who are old enough to be her mother, but now she understands the effect her team is having on women everywhere.

"Being around this team is one of the biggest blessings in my life," Lindsay told Upworthy. "Just by watching them, you can tell that they make the world a better place by performing and when they're out in society." 

Make no mistake about it. The Ole Skool crew are doing amazing things on the dance floor, but their most valuable contribution is reminding us that anything is possible.

The bond between these ladies is a powerful one.

In a world where people throw the word "love" around so loosely, it's great to see a group of diverse women who truly love each other. 

Their bond is forged by the intense happiness that comes from doing what they love in an environment where looks and age mean nothing (unless you're under 40, that is — then you'll have to wait your turn). 

And in reality, if we all danced more — the world would be a happier place. 

Check out the Ole Skool crew in action!

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