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fat shaming

@_gracieling/X

Coughlan laments her struggles as a memmber of the "perfect breast community"


The fight against body-shaming starts with language.

So much of our hidden biases and internalized struggles with body image can be found lurking within the words used to describe ourselves and others—even the well-intentioned ones. It’s one of the reasons why the “body positivity” movement has been reevaluated over the years, since it tends to still place an emphasis on how our body’s physical appearance vs. how it simply helps with daily life.

It’s also why the phrase “you’re so brave” has come under scrutiny. Many celebrities, like Lena Dunham and Lizzo, have called out publications for routinely attributing the word “brave” to larger women who might show their skin. The compliment might come from a sincere place, but since you likely wouldn’t call a thin, able bodied person “brave” for doing the same thing.

Recently during a Q&A in Dublin, “Bridgerton” star Nicola Coughlan (who is no stranger to shielding herself from comments about her body) was met with this not-so-complimentary compliment, and her hilarious response was just so delightful in every way.

In case you’ve been living on a deserted island for the past few years, “Bridgerton” is a steamy show, many of which Coughlan’s character, Penelope Featherington, take part in. So, perhaps when a journalist commended Coughlan for being “brave,” he was noting the sheer level of intimacy involved, and might have said that to any of the cast members. But considering how often that word is specifically used for plus sized women who dare to be seen as sexual beings, it feels fairly safe to assume that wasn’t the case.

Regardless, Coughlan didn’t miss a beat as she quipped:

“You know, it is hard because I think women with my body type—women with perfect breasts—we don’t get to see ourselves onscreen enough.”

As the crowd erupted in laughter, she continued. “And I’m very proud as a member of the perfect breasts community. I hope you enjoy seeing them.”

So unbothered. So witty. So perfect.

Watch a clip of this iconic moment, which has already racked up thousands of views on X (formerly Twitter), along with the overwhelming amount of positive response from viewers, below:

Coughlan has on more than one occasion used her “Bridgerton” fame to shift the way pop culture portrays plus-sized women. In an interview with Stylist, she shared how she “specifically asked for certain lines and moments to be included” in subsequent seasons of the show, particularly one scene where she was “very naked on camera.”

“It just felt like the biggest ‘fuck you’ to all the conversation surrounding my body; it was amazingly empowering,” she told the outlet.

Honestly, it’s no wonder she’s a fan favorite, both on and offscreen.

Identity

Women share the unbelievable ways they were treated on planes for being fat

"The most important thing that fellow passengers can do is just acknowledge the humanity of the people they're traveling with."

Canva

Plane rides can be a dehumanizing experience for many

Before moving to London to pursue a degree in anthropology, Stacy Bias had to decide if it was worth getting on the airplane.

"As a woman over 300 pounds, flying was pretty anxious for me," Bias says. Over the years, Bias came to fear being stared at, subjected to rude comments from seatmates, or asked to purchase an extra seat. The anxiety got so bad that at one point, she stopped flying altogether.

With a little determination and encouragement from her partner, who had recently relocated to the U.K., Bias faced down the fear and got on the plane to London. Soon after, she started a Facebook group to offer discussion, support, and tips to other fat travelers who had encountered similar roadblocks. The group quickly grew to nearly 4,000 members and Bias, in conjunction with a research project for her undergraduate dissertation, presented the group with a survey, encouraging members to share their experiences in the air.


"I had to take the survey down after three days because I was overwhelmed with respondents," Bias says. Like Bias, the overwhelming majority of survey takers reported feeling leered at, harassed, and like an unwelcome intruder in a public space.

Bias interviewed nine of the respondents. The result was the short animated documentary "Flying While Fat," which Bias posted to YouTube in 2016.

"The goal of the animation is to humanize fat people," Bias explains.

"I think fat people are talked about a lot — especially fat passengers are talked about a lot — but rarely spoken with."

Some of Bias' subjects love to fly and to travel, but they express frustration at having to endure "the expression" — the look of disappointment and anxiety that crosses their potential seatmates' faces as they walk down the aisle. Others describe having a "hyperawareness" of their bodies at all times, constantly evaluating how much space they take up. Verbal harassment, threats, even physical abuse are common threads in the interviews.

For one participant, the struggle over fat peoples' access to plane space fundamentally comes down to fairness.

"Everyone is fully aware of how much money they spent on those cubic inches," she poses. Because of the ever-shrinking size of airline seats and aisles, fellow passengers, she hypothesizes, are primed to go to the mat over how much room they believe they deserve.

For smaller people, one person's ability sit comfortably in an airplane seat may seem trivial. But for Bias' subjects, it's anything but.

"It's a topic that people feel strongly about," Bias says. "It really impacts the ability of people to partake of the world, to see family, to travel internationally, to go to funerals, to go to weddings. It's a thing that really impacts peoples' life in a profound way."

policy, standardization, customer, disabled

Animation showing the different shapes and sizes of airline travelers.

Image via YouTube video.

Fat flyers, she contends, frequently feel like excess baggage and a problem to be solved — and that, coupled with hostility from fellow passengers, can make them think twice before purchasing a plane ticket.

Bias believes the solution to the problem starts with standardizing customer size policies across the industry and creating more accessible spaces on aircraft.

Currently, those policies are a patchwork. Some airlines, like Alaska and United, require passengers who can't put both armrests down comfortably to purchase an additional ticket. Others, like Delta, simply "recommend" that customers who can't fit comfortably in a single seat do so.

Airlines "need to prioritize the well-being of passengers over profitability so that people literally can fit into the bathroom if they need to," Bias says.

This lack of concern could pose real health risks for some fat flyers. According to Bias, roughly one-quarter of her subjects reported dehydrating themselves before boarding so they wouldn't have to walk down the aisle or attempt to fit into the restroom.

Fat people, she believes, aren't the only ones who could benefit from an industry-wide policy review.

"It's disabled people, it's people with injuries, it's people with long legs. Everybody is deeply uncomfortable on the plane. It's getting more so."

Bias hopes to publish the results of her study in the coming year.

In the meantime, she hopes the film helps smaller flyers understand the frustration and helplessness their fat counterparts often feel in a space where cruelty can sometimes erupt subtly and without warning.

community, sociology, obesity, health and fitness

Animation of various physical shapes each with a heart.

Image via YouTube video.

For passengers of any size, Bias believes a little empathy and respect go a long way.

"The most important thing that fellow passengers can do is just acknowledge the humanity of the people they're traveling with."

This article originally appeared on 12.07.16

Jax's Victoria's Secret song on TikTok has more than 13 million views.

Ah, summer. The glorious season of barbecue parties, beach picnics and perpetual body image issues.

If you're a human living in our society, you've likely been impacted by messages about what your body should look like in a swimsuit. And if you're a female, those messages have been compounded by a multibillion dollar beauty industry designed to make you feel insecure so you'll spend more money on "fixing" your "flaws." Add in a culture of competition and mean-girl immaturity that weaponizes size and shape, and we have a perfect recipe for all kinds of body image-oriented disorders.

There's nothing wrong with our bodies, but there is something very wrong with the messages we get about our bodies. Thankfully, we've come a long way in recognizing the need for body positivity to counter those messages. However, according to Harvard researchers, it takes five positive comments to counteract the effects of one negative one. That means we have to meet the ads, billboards and magazine covers that constantly tell us we're not good enough with a tsunami of body-positive content.

And that's where a viral "Victoria's Secret" song from TikTok songwriter Jax comes in.


Jax has created a devoted following by sharing snippets of silly songs she makes up on TikTok. But her latest ditty isn't just a silly song—it's the summer anthem we didn't know we needed.

Jax introduces Chelsea, the kid she babysits, and they share a story about how a girl had told Chelsea that the swimsuit she tried on at Victoria's Secret made her look "too fat and too flat."

First of all, seething rage at that comment. Second of all, the mom in me is blinking twice at the idea of a preteen shopping for a bikini at Victoria's Secret, but let's just move on past that part. Third, it was meant as an insult of course, but even if it were a totally neutral descriptor, no one in their right mind would ever describe that child as fat. Why do girls do this?

So many WTHs going through my head before Jax even gets to her point, but when she gets there, it's awesome.

"I wrote a song for you," she tells Chelsea, "because when I was your age I had a lot of eating problems and I wish somebody would've said this to me."

(Jax also shared in the comments, "🚨Triggerr Warning🚨 for girls, guys, and whomever going through ED, this song is meant to make you smile but I know it’s much deeper than this.")

It's so good. Watch:

@jaxwritessongs

I wrote a song for The Kid I Babysit. It’s called Victoria’s Secret 🤫 ❤️ 👙 @TheLascherFamily #victoriassecret #fyp #bodypositivity #originalmusic

The "old man who lives in Ohio" is Les Wexner, the billionaire founder of Victoria's Secret's former parent company, L Brands. He stepped down from his role in the company in 2020 after buying the then little-known lingerie brand in 1982 and spending more than five decades at the helm.

So when Jax says she knows Victoria's "secret" is that she was made up by a dude, it's true. In fact, even the original Victoria's Secret was founded by a man. Businessman Roy Raymond wanted to buy his wife some lingerie, but was embarrassed when he went to the department store to look for some. He decided to create a store for women's underwear where men would feel comfortable shopping.

As Naomi Barr wrote in Slate in 2013, "Raymond imagined a Victorian boudoir, replete with dark wood, oriental rugs, and silk drapery. He chose the name 'Victoria' to evoke the propriety and respectability associated with the Victorian era; outwardly refined, Victoria’s 'secrets' were hidden beneath."

After Raymond sold the brand, with its catalog and six stores, to Les Wexner, the focus shifted. Wexner recognized a huge opportunity to market his brand directly to women, and thus the Victoria's Secret juggernaut was created. For decades, Victoria's Secret has been synonymous with men ogling models in sexy underwear and women hopelessly trying to fit themselves into those unattainable model bodies.

Jax's video has gotten more than 13 million views in less than a week and the comments are raving.

"Thank you! I have 2 teenage daughters who are struggling with eating disorders all bc of social media and mainstream media," wrote one parent.

"This is perfection. This song should be a commercial or PSA or something," wrote another commenter. Couldn't agree more.

"The inner 13 year old me needed this. This was the best," wrote another.

I know Victoria's Secret, and girl you wouldn't believe … she's an old man who lives in Ohio, making money off of girls like me.

It's the message we all need to hear, wrapped up in a boppin' summer anthem. You can find the full song on Spotify, Apple Music and more. Follow Jax at @jaxwritessongs.)

Image via Pixabay.

Airlines pack the passengers together.

On May 14, 2018, one of Savannah Phillips' most dreaded flying fears came to life.

"I’m not the biggest person on the airplane, but I’m not the smallest," Phillips explained in a Facebook post. "My worst nightmare is someone being uncomfortable because they have to sit next to me."

Fearful of the harassment and even threats people with bigger bodies can face while flying, Phillips usually tries to buy a seat where she's not sitting next to another passenger.


But on a flight from Oklahoma to Chicago, Phillips was assigned a seat at the gate and wasn't able to sit alone. Unfortunately, the man who ended up next to her embodied the very worst.

"I can't believe this, I'm sitting next to a smelly fatty."

Those were the words the stranger, an older man who claimed to be a comedian, texted someone else — while sitting right next to Phillips on the plane. A setting on the man's phone enlarged the text, according to Phillips, and the screen's brightness was turned all the way up.

It was unmistakably about her.

obesity, decorum, strangers, heroes, airline tickets

​Phillips describes her experience during an interview.

Image pulled from News Channel 5/Youtube.

The nasty comment immediately brought Phillips to tears.

"I don’t even know what the rest of his text said," she wrote in her post. "I turned my head away as fast as I could. I was shocked and it was like confirmation of the negative things I think about myself on a daily basis."

Phillips continued:

"Before I knew it, I could feel hot, salty tears coming down my face. I sat and cried silently, hoping this guy didn’t try to make small talk, because I didn’t trust how I would react and I didn’t want to get kicked off the plane. I was so hurt. The pilot came over head and said there would be a 30-minute delay before he could take off — great. Just more time I would have to sit next to this creep."

Fortunately, that's when things took a turn for the (much, much) better.

Fellow passenger Chase Irwin sitting nearby had spotted the incredibly hurtful text and decided to step in.

He couldn't believe what he was witnessing.

"I actually got really sick to my stomach," Irwin explained to News Channel 5.

new, health, air travel, bullying, community

Irwin describes the uncomfortable situation on the news program.

Image via News Channel 5/Youtube.

Irwin tapped the "comedian" on the shoulder and demanded he change seats with him, according to Phillips. The "comedian" agreed to switch, but then asked why.

Irwin did not hold back. "I said, 'because you're a heartless person,'" Irwin recalled. "I read your text, and the girl next to you crying also read your text. And you should really take into consideration other people's feelings.'"

I am only sharing this story of what happened to me today in hopes that the person who stuck up for me will somehow be...
Posted by Savannah Phillips on Monday, May 14, 2018

Phillips and Irwin got along great, chatting about their families and jobs on the flight to Chicago. The flight attendant, who learned about what happened, kept trying to give Irwin free drinks and said that he was her hero, according to Phillips.

"He wasn’t her hero," Phillips wrote. "He was mine."

Fortunately, Phillips' story had a happy ending. But for passengers with bigger bodies, that's not always the case.

"Flying while fat" can truly be a daunting affair. There's the staring, the rude comments — not to mention navigating a patchwork of guidelines that complicate purchasing a ticket for an increasingly small seat on a plane.

But as Irwin showed, employing some basic empathy for your fellow passengers can go a long way. We should all keep that in mind when we travel.

Watch News Channel 5's segment on Phillips' story below: