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Wellness

Naturally skinny people share 17 things they wish other people understood

"Eat a cheeseburger!"

Unsplash

Is being naturally skinny akin to hitting the genetic lottery? Thin privilege, according to Thigh Society, refers to "societal advantages and preferential treatment that individuals who are perceived as thin or within the societal norms of beauty and body size experience. The term is often used to highlight the ways in which people with smaller bodies may face fewer obstacles, biases and discrimination compared to those with larger bodies."

Being thin can make it easier to land a job, find love, or even get proper healthcare. But it's easy to forget that, while naturally very skinny people might have it better in certain ways, they face significant problems too.

And now they're speaking out about challenges they face, misperceptions about being thin, and other things they wish people understood about them.

What experts say about thinness and body image

Kenny Eliason/Unsplash

Models are often thin. Actors and actresses are thin. Musicians are thin. So being thin is often considered the ideal when it comes to pop culture media portrayal of attractiveness.

But almost all people, regardless of shape or size, struggle with body image and being self-conscious about some aspects of our appearance.

"While individuals in thinner bodies may be perceived as fitting societal beauty standards, they are not immune to body image struggles or criticism," says Danielle Tucci, LPC at Live Better therapy Solutions. "Thin individuals often face contradictory messages. On one hand, they may be told they are 'lucky' or should have no reason to struggle with their appearance because their body aligns with societal ideals. On the other hand, they may face negative comments, we’ve all heard the 'eat a cheeseburger' line, or assumptions that their thinness is the result of an eating disorder."

"Thin people also often have to field uncomfortable remarks such as, 'Well, you wouldn’t know because you can wear anything,' or 'It must be nice to be able to eat that,'" adds Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, and eating disorders specialist.

During different cultural touch points, women may actually face pressure to have a fuller figure, and being too skinny can be considered unattractive. Men aren't in the clear from these lose-lose expectations either.

"Men are not excluded from negative messaging, as being thin has been associated with weakness, with societal messages around being stronger or more muscular as more ideal. Thin people also face criticism in other ways, like being labeled 'skinny fat,' especially during times when fit bodies were considered the ideal or when fuller bodies started to be more admired. On top of that, they’re often judged or questioned about whether they have an eating disorder, which can make thin people feel uncomfortable about their clothing or food choices when others are around."

For more insight, a recent Reddit thread posed the question: "Very skinny people: what are some difficulties/challenges that come with being really skinny?"

Nearly 2,000 people jumped in to comment, and the common themes in their stories were eye-opening to say the least.

Family, friends, and even strangers feel that they're 'allowed' to comment on a skinny person's body and diet. Being too think for women is associated with anorexia, and for men, with weakness and wimpyness.

Here's what Redditors had to say:

"People will think you have an eating disorder, and aren't afraid to ask about it." - PhotojournalistNew6

"When you get ill and can't really eat for 3-4 days. You don't really have the fat reserves to deal with that kind of thing as easily. So after you beat the illness, you need to recover from the lack of food." - Svencredible

"I was a skinny kid. If I ate a light meal, people would make snide comments about how I need to eat more. If I ate a heavy meal, they’d say 'must be nice to eat junk and stay thin.'" - gouwbadgers

"Metabolism finally changes, and now you've got a lifetime of unhealthy eating habits to break." - jsabo

"When I was a scrawny little preteen, i had trouble sleeping on my side without a pillow between my knees because they were so bony. I also often curled up, and it felt like my ribcage would smash into my pelvis if I wasn't careful." - MeticulousPlonker

"I was very skinny as kid to young adult. I was 6'3" and 140ish pounds from the time i was 14 until 18. People feel very comfortable commenting on your weight. All. The. Fucking. Time." - SchlapHappy

"It’s amazing how people comment on how little I weigh, how skinny I am, how I never get fat, how I should eat more, how I must always be hungry, etc. They can fuck off." - tomatoesrfun

"So, you're constantly cold, you can never really build a lot of muscle mass because you can't ever eat enough to gain any weight, people always think you're sick or aren't eating enough, finding clothing that fits is insanely hard. You either look like you're wearing your dads suit that's two sizes to big for you or you shop in the kids section there is almost never any in-between." - reav11

"I was super skinny in school, all the way up to my 30s. As a guy, it's no fun being skinny as skinniness equates to "wimpiness". Dress clothes, suits etc had to be taken in. Girls not looking your way because you're a walking skeleton." - ClownfishSoup

"Being told by other women that I need to shut up and that I'm not allowed to complain about anything. A coworker once said to me, 'You're so skinny, I hate you!' Girl, I'm just over here existing. And being cold." - TheCervus

"Everybody, and I mean fucking everybody, has an opinion about your diet. It's fucking infuriating." - CollateralSandwich

Being naturally skinny is also hard in other, slightly funnier ways that we don't often consider.

Having a bonier physique can be a little uncomfortable at times, to say the least, and finding clothes that fit isn't as easy as you'd think.

"I'm freezing cold all the goddamn time." - GhostPepper87

"Retaining heat. I was born cold, I'll die cold. Fuck the cold," wrote one user.

"I can only own so many warm clothes, and wearing a parka indoors because my workplace won't stop air conditioning even in the winter gets really dumb. The thermostats don't switch to heat mode until mid-winter. In the fall it might be cold out but still on AC, and I'm running a space heater battling with the AC wasting energy to stay warm, even wearing a jacket." - Dragoness42

"Sitting on hard surfaces." - grandoro

"Pants - choose one:

  • stays on your waist
  • covers your ankles" - Flipin75

"Somehow much more difficult to shave concave armpits," joked another user.

How has body positive movement impacted naturally thin people?

burger and fries on white paper Photo by Kisty Mea on Unsplash

Though there's a long way to go, we've made some really good strides as a culture in being accepting of bigger bodies. But it's hard not to wonder how people who are naturally extremely thin feel in a society that constantly tells them the body they were born with is unrealistic, anorexic, weak, and unhealthy.

''Body image issues among naturally thin individuals represent a nuanced and often overlooked aspect of the broader body positivity discourse. Historically, the body positivity movement emerged as a powerful response to societal beauty standards celebrating thin, often unrealistic body types. This evolution has created an interesting paradox for naturally thin individuals," says Kaycie Davis, RMHCI, a mental health therapist at Cannectd Wellness.

"Many naturally thin people report feeling simultaneously invisible and critiqued with unique challenges like being told they look 'unhealthy' or 'fragile.' Some are even being accused of eating disorders and feeling excluded from body-positive conversations."

Davis argues that body positivity should not be about replacing one narrow standard with another, and imagines a world where no one — fat or thin — is judged unfairly or subject to unwanted comments about their size.

"Every body has a right to respect, regardless of size, shape, or appearance."

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Family

Mom stands up for woman mom- and fat-shamed for feeding kids powdered donuts for breakfast

Let's talk about "donut mom."

via Alexabii97/TikTok and Bmchper/TikTok

Bailey defends Alexandria's breakfast.

Alexandra Sabol is a writer and a mother of 3 in North Carolina who makes TikToks centered around cooking and raising her family. Many of her videos feature her giving a deadpan look while preparing meals that look a lot like those cooked in everyday American homes. But, sadly, the food just isn't good enough for some self-righteous moms on TikTok.

(And that could be the exact reason why Alexandra is posting videos.)

In a video with over 3.3 million views, Alexandra filmed herself preparing a meal for her 1-year-old daughter that included 3 powdered donuts and an applesauce pouch. The video received a lot of negative feedback from other parents who shamed her for feeding her 1-year-old donuts as well as her appearance.

"Healthy and nutritious! Just like mom," one user wrote. "No toast? No cereal? No fruit? Surely one of those options is better than those powdered donuts," Miss Cheetah added. "Fruit would be just as cheap, maybe a dollar or 2 more expensive, but worth it for your child," Aiden Stanley added.

Breakfast! 

@alexbabii97

Breakfast! #platebreakfastwithme #breakfast #fyp #foryoupage #foryou #fypシ #fypシ゚viral

The mom- and-fat-shaming inspired other mothers to jump in and defend Alexandria. They shared how they also feed their kid the occasional donut and what’s most important is if the child is eating well and loved. The post also inspired a thoughtful TikTok of support from Bailey, a formerly sanctimonious mother, who defended Alexandra’s choices and admonished those who judged her.

She also pointed out the uncomfortable fact that women who don’t meet traditional beauty standards are likelier to be shamed online.

“I see creators on this app every single day who have a million or so followers and fit the traditional standard of beauty. They will make their kids junk. They will go spend $500-plus at the grocery store on mostly junk and no one says anything probably because they're popular and they're skinny,” Bailey said.

Let’s talk about the “donut mom.” 

@bmcpher

Let’s talk about the “donut mom.” #fyp #donutmom #momsoftiktok #parenting

“You have this woman that is not a widely known creator, is not a hundred pounds, and she's getting shamed on a large scale getting shamed. I am just so terribly sorry for her," she continued.

She added that she knows she shouldn't feed her children processed foods, but it's impossible to be perfect.

“I'm that mom, and yet, sometimes you know what [my daughter] eats? Cake pops, donuts, french fries, cookies because she deserves to live a little bit because sometimes, while it's not the best, sometimes, moms, we're not at our best. Sometimes, we lack a little bit,” she said.

Bailey then pointed out that the reactions to Alexandra’s video have more to do with the commenters' lives than the mom they are shaming. She admitted that she understands how the commenters feel because she used to be that way before she was changed through her faith.

"I used to be one of those moms, in another life—pre-Jesus me—that would see that video and judge this mom," she said. "I was unhappy in my life. I was unhappy living the life that I was living. In my marriage, in my home, in my parenting, I was not happy. So I had to use the few things that I did right to judge other moms."

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Family

A man’s family criticized his girlfriend's weight, and he handled it with grace

"I never thought of my girlfriend as overweight."

via Rafaah Machado

A couple posing near a tree.

A 29-year-old man is dealing with serious tensions within his family after they confronted him about his girlfriend’s weight and how she chooses to dress. To find out if he was in the wrong for how he handled the situation, he took to Reddit to get some clarity.

The situation started at a recent family gathering.

“While attending my (26 M) brother’s girlfriend’s birthday party at their house, my mother and my brother brought me to the kitchen and confronted me, and told me that my girlfriend needs to dress more modestly and that they have a problem with her not wearing a bra,” the man recalled.

The discussion came out of the blue for the man who had no idea his girlfriend’s style or weight was an issue for anyone. It certainly wasn't one for him. His girlfriend had previously told him that she doesn’t like wearing a bra because it makes her chest feel “tight” and “uncomfortable.”

“I’m not sure if it’s because she’s my long-time girlfriend, but even though she weighs around 160 pounds, her not wearing a bra has never stuck out to me before, and I hadn’t even really noticed until they had pointed it out to me,” he admitted.

couples, reddit, family fights

A couple posing by a woodpile.

via Rafaah Machado/Pexels

His family members then began to talk about his girlfriend in a sexualized way.

His mother said her breasts were “too big” for her not to wear a bra, and her boyfriend added that when she’s in the room, it’s the “only thing you can look at.” His brother then confessed that he had had multiple fights with his girlfriend over the woman’s body and choice of attire. “She’s afraid my brother's eyes will wander, and she secretly is afraid he likes overweight girls,” he said.

After the confrontation, the man and his girlfriend left the party.

After the family realized they left, his brother called him, and he said that his girlfriend’s “body shape or the way she dresses is anyone’s business and that if people wanted to be creepy and stare at her, that wasn’t her fault.”

His mother then got on the phone and, once again, said the girlfriend needs to show “respect” for herself and the family by wearing a bra. “I then told them how important I think it is for my girlfriend to be comfortable in the clothes she’s wearing, and if she can’t be comfortable around my family, then we don’t need to see them anymore,” he said.

Sadly, the phone call devolved into a loud argument between all 3 parties. The man asked for a “second opinion” from folks on Reddit whether he in fact was being “too brash.” The commenters overwhelmingly supported him and said he handled the situation gracefully.

"Leaving the situation was the best thing to do. I'd like to think I would have this grace too but your family is REALLY weird," the most popular commenter, ARandomWalkInSpace, wrote.

"The way you talk about your girlfriend tells us a lot about the kind of person and partner you are, and your perspective and actions in this situation are admirable. Your family is trying to pin the blame for their own problems on your girlfriend," Amandahip wrote. "As someone with a relatively large chest, it’s almost easier to dress “modestly” while bra-less or wearing low-support garments. Your family is creating a battle that your girlfriend can’t win, and the two of you leaving the situation was a graceful response."

Another noted that the family blamed the girlfriend for everyone else's inappropriate reactions to her.

"You hit all the marks,” houskeepinghoney wrote. “Those women are afraid their men can't control their eyes, which they should absolutely be able to. "So tired of people blaming women for men's actions.”

In the end, the entire experience was an excellent way for the man and his girlfriend to break out of negative family cycles.

“My girlfriend is okay. We both come from families that thrive on drama,” he wrote. “This was just a breaking point for me personally. Thank you all for your support, kind words, and confirming what I already knew.”

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Identity

Women share the unbelievable ways they were treated on planes for being fat

"The most important thing that fellow passengers can do is just acknowledge the humanity of the people they're traveling with."

Canva

Plane rides can be a dehumanizing experience for many

Before moving to London to pursue a degree in anthropology, Stacy Bias had to decide if it was worth getting on the airplane.

"As a woman over 300 pounds, flying was pretty anxious for me," Bias says. Over the years, Bias came to fear being stared at, subjected to rude comments from seatmates, or asked to purchase an extra seat. The anxiety got so bad that at one point, she stopped flying altogether.

With a little determination and encouragement from her partner, who had recently relocated to the U.K., Bias faced down the fear and got on the plane to London. Soon after, she started a Facebook group to offer discussion, support, and tips to other fat travelers who had encountered similar roadblocks. The group quickly grew to nearly 4,000 members and Bias, in conjunction with a research project for her undergraduate dissertation, presented the group with a survey, encouraging members to share their experiences in the air.

"I had to take the survey down after three days because I was overwhelmed with respondents," Bias says. Like Bias, the overwhelming majority of survey takers reported feeling leered at, harassed, and like an unwelcome intruder in a public space.

Bias interviewed nine of the respondents. The result was the short animated documentary "Flying While Fat," which Bias posted to YouTube in 2016.

"The goal of the animation is to humanize fat people," Bias explains.

"I think fat people are talked about a lot — especially fat passengers are talked about a lot — but rarely spoken with."

Some of Bias' subjects love to fly and to travel, but they express frustration at having to endure "the expression" — the look of disappointment and anxiety that crosses their potential seatmates' faces as they walk down the aisle. Others describe having a "hyperawareness" of their bodies at all times, constantly evaluating how much space they take up. Verbal harassment, threats, even physical abuse are common threads in the interviews.

For one participant, the struggle over fat peoples' access to plane space fundamentally comes down to fairness.

"Everyone is fully aware of how much money they spent on those cubic inches," she poses. Because of the ever-shrinking size of airline seats and aisles, fellow passengers, she hypothesizes, are primed to go to the mat over how much room they believe they deserve.

For smaller people, one person's ability sit comfortably in an airplane seat may seem trivial. But for Bias' subjects, it's anything but.

"It's a topic that people feel strongly about," Bias says. "It really impacts the ability of people to partake of the world, to see family, to travel internationally, to go to funerals, to go to weddings. It's a thing that really impacts peoples' life in a profound way."

policy, standardization, customer, disabled

Animation showing the different shapes and sizes of airline travelers.

Image via YouTube video.

Fat flyers, she contends, frequently feel like excess baggage and a problem to be solved — and that, coupled with hostility from fellow passengers, can make them think twice before purchasing a plane ticket.

Bias believes the solution to the problem starts with standardizing customer size policies across the industry and creating more accessible spaces on aircraft.

Currently, those policies are a patchwork. Some airlines, like Alaska and United, require passengers who can't put both armrests down comfortably to purchase an additional ticket. Others, like Delta, simply "recommend" that customers who can't fit comfortably in a single seat do so.

Airlines "need to prioritize the well-being of passengers over profitability so that people literally can fit into the bathroom if they need to," Bias says.

This lack of concern could pose real health risks for some fat flyers. According to Bias, roughly one-quarter of her subjects reported dehydrating themselves before boarding so they wouldn't have to walk down the aisle or attempt to fit into the restroom.

Fat people, she believes, aren't the only ones who could benefit from an industry-wide policy review.

"It's disabled people, it's people with injuries, it's people with long legs. Everybody is deeply uncomfortable on the plane. It's getting more so."

Bias hopes to publish the results of her study in the coming year.

In the meantime, she hopes the film helps smaller flyers understand the frustration and helplessness their fat counterparts often feel in a space where cruelty can sometimes erupt subtly and without warning.

community, sociology, obesity, health and fitness

Animation of various physical shapes each with a heart.

Image via YouTube video.

For passengers of any size, Bias believes a little empathy and respect go a long way.

"The most important thing that fellow passengers can do is just acknowledge the humanity of the people they're traveling with."

This article originally appeared on 12.07.16

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