upworthy
Pop Culture

What is 'body grief'? Women share what it's like to mourn their former selves.

Watching our bodies change is a natural part of life. But we rarely talk about the complicated feelings that come from that.

body grief
@aleahelizabeth/TikTok,@sami.rose/TikTok

We've all been through it.

It was only yesterday when a friend and I (two women in the 30-to-40-year-old range) were having a conversation, and this friend made more than one wistful comment about being “skinny and sexy” once upon a time.

Her self deprecating jokes were so casual and nonchalant that actual sadness underneath was almost unnoticeable. Almost.

Except I did notice it, because I have it too. That same sense of unease at being a different size that my former younger self. I have it, my friend has it, and nearly every adult woman has it to some degree.

Now we even have a name for it—”body grief.”

Author Jayne Mattingly, who first coined the term, defines body grief as “the universal experience of disillusionment, sorrow, and loss that comes with simply existing in a body.”

Body grief basically sums up all the anger, loss, frustration, sorrow, and general sense of mourning that so many women feel from the “loss” of their former body, and the former self it represents.

@jayneimattingly Replying to @olivepfox i am so happy you are here!!! #bodygrief #disabledtiktok #bodygriever #disabledhumour ♬ original sound - Jayne Mattingly

Body grief can manifest in a myriad of ways—growing older, having children, chronic illness or injury, disability, reactions to medications, huge life changes, trauma, stress. And while it often denotes weight gain, plenty of women who lose a lot of weight can feel body grief too.

Sami Rose, an Australian-based counselor and body image coach, spoke about her own challenges with body grief, especially after reaching her goal weight, then gaining the weight back.

“I’d spent all of my teens and all of my 20s having this number in my head, and this body in my head, that I thought was gonna solve all of my problems,” she said.

@sami.rose_ Replying to @eneesece letting go of the thin ideal can be really difficult, and its okay to miss your old body or old life, but i hope this strategy helps shift your perspective 💖 #bodyacceptance #bodygrief #bodyimagecounsellor #counsellor #bodyimagecoach ♬ original sound - Sami Rose • Counsellor + Coach

After losing about 55 pounds, getting all the compliments from her friends, even being told that her abs were “goals,” Rose was still left with the same insecurities. For her, body grief meant “letting go of the thin ideal” and “griev[ing] the notion of what a good body meant to me.”

Rose’s experience is not uncommon. Countless women are sharing their stories of body grief in a new TikTok trend titled #bodygrief, which has reached nearly 880,000 views.

Women like Aleah Elizabeth, who went from being “super skinny” most of her life to gaining 60-70 pounds after taking birth control.

@aleahhelizabeth Its hard ass thing to go through #gainingweight #beingskinny #fy ♬ original sound - aleahelizabeth💗

“I thought I was gonna be a happy girl because the boys like girls who are thick,” she said. “But as I kept gaining the weight, I literally hated my body more and more and more…And then you gain so much weight and everybody around you notices it and talks about it, and then starts to make you feel bad about it. It is the worst thing I think I ever went through in my life.”

Or Eliana Hope, who, two months into postpartum, cried in an REI store after realizing “the body that used to take me up mountain trails is now stretched and loose in all the places it used to be strong.”

@thesamfamm 2 months PP and feeling like it today… Outdoorsy moms, tell me it gets better? #outdoorsymom #nationalparks #rei #parksproject #newmom #youngmoms #bodygrief #postpartumbody #bodyimagestruggles #bodyafterbabies #hikinggirl #girlswhohike @rei @thesamfamm ♬ Into the wild - Cartwright

Honestly, the list goes on and on.

@stancedexcoaching How body grief came up on vacation. Please please check out @Jayne Mattingly for more on Body Grief! #bodygrief #perceptionvsreality #bodieschange #bodieschangeworthdoesnt #bodygriefwithjaynemattingly #vacation #familyvacation #hardtime ♬ original sound - Stance Dex Dreyfus
@madialysefitness you have to remember there is a happier and fuller life out there. #bodygrief #weightgainjourney #bodyacceptance #setpointweight #harecovery #hormoneimbalance #edrecoceey ♬ The Journey - Sol Rising
@olivepfox Some thoughts on body grief and reconciling disability #crps #crpsawareness #complexregionalpainsyndrome #crpswarrior #chronicpain #disabled ♬ original sound - olive fox

And just what are we supposed to do about this body grief? For starters, Rose suggests writing down a list of all the things you appreciate about yourself that are completely unrelated to your body.

“I think that can be really special in just rebuilding your identity and proving to yourself that you’re more than just a body,” she says. “That your appearance is a part of you, but it’s not the most important part of you.”

But also, like with all forms of grief, sometimes sharing what you’re going through in a safe space with other people who have been through it, or are going through it too, really helps you process those difficult feelings. And that’s why this TikTok movement is so important. No one should have to go through it alone.

From Your Site Articles
community
Joy

CEO shares 5 things he's 'sick' of hearing from his staff and people are applauding him for it

"People are sick of being treated like children."

via Rob Dance (used with permission).

CEO Rob Dance holds a list of things he's "sick" of hearing from his employees.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic disrupted workplaces worldwide, there has been a greater push for improved work-life balance and many companies are taking notice. The exciting thing is that when companies become more flexible, their employees become happier and more productive. It’s a win-win for all involved.

Rob Dance, the CEO of ROCK, a technology consulting company in the UK, recently went viral for posting about his approach to work-life balance on Instagram. What, at first, appeared to be a CEO reprimanding his employees revealed a boss who knows how to get the best out of his team by treating them like adults.

The post was of Dance holding a whiteboard that reads:

Things I’m sick of hearing from my employees:

- Can I leave early today

- I’ll be late in the morning

- My child is sick, can I rush off

- I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay

- I’m going to be late back from lunch, I’ve got some things to sort.

I don’t care.

I hired you for a job and I fully TRUST you to get it done.

I don’t need you to account for every single hour.

Times have changed, and the workplace is different these days.

People are sick of being treated like children.

All that should matter is that everyone is happy, and that the work gets done.


He also shared his advice for companies on how to treat their employees. “Treat your staff like adults. That’s it, that’s the big secret,” he wrote. “Give them autonomy. Respect that they have lives outside of work. Don’t gaslight them into being grateful for not being fired every day.” Because in the end, the only thing that matters is if they get the job done. “Output should always trump hours,” he concluded.

Upworthy contacted Dance, who explained why managers still hesitate to treat their employees like adults.

“Many bosses don't trust their employees and keep extremely close tabs on them because of past experiences and a desire for control. They might believe that micromanaging ensures productivity and prevents issues,” he told Upworthy. “Additionally, the pressure to meet business targets can drive bosses to monitor employees obsessively, thinking it will lead to better outcomes. This approach, however, only undermines trust and destroys morale in the workplace. It creates a toxic environment where employees feel undervalued and stressed, leading to higher turnover rates and decreased overall performance. Instead of fostering a culture of accountability and growth, this behavior only promotes fear and resentment.”


Dance says that technology has helped drive demand for improved work-life balance.

“Mobile technology definitely started to blur the lines between one’s professional and personal life, making it tough to switch off from work,” he told Upworthy. “As a millennial leader, I've always valued work-life harmony for my staff, helping them to achieve both flexibility and finding purpose in their work.”

The ROCK CEO also has advice for employees who’d like to gain their employer’s trust.

“Always deliver quality work and aim to meet or exceed expectations. Keep communication lines open by regularly updating your manager on your progress, challenges, and successes,” he told Upworthy. “Take the initiative to go beyond basic requirements, showing your willingness to contribute more. Act with integrity by always being honest and ethical. Seek honest feedback and make tangible improvements based on it, demonstrating your commitment to growth. Finally, a big one is building positive relationships with everyone you work with, as strong connections are what help to build real trust.”

In April 2025, Dance shared some additional wisdom that highlights the power of leaders prioritizing culture. He took a photo of himself holding a whiteboard with some more wisdom that all CEOs should take to heart: "An employee who leaves for the salary might return for the culture, but if they leave because of the culture, no salary will ever bring them back."

It makes you wonder, if the money was right, which previous jobs would you go back to, and which ones would you reject?


rob dance, work-life balance, ROCK UK, bosess, pto, time off, employee complaintsCEO Rob Dance holds up a whipe board with his culture philosophy. www.linkedin.com


This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
employees
Pop Culture

Millennials, Gen Xers, and even Gen Zers agree that these 'boomer' complaints are 100% right

The older you get, the more these make sense.

Photo credit: Canva

Boomers weren't wrong about everything.

Baby boomers (people born between 1946 and 1964) notoriously take heat from younger generations who think that their me-first mentality helped create a world where the climate is getting warmer, the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and people born in the ‘40s and ‘50s still rule the modern workplace.

Boomers are also often super frustrating because many can’t figure out modern technology, and the younger folks have to explain it until they are blue in the face.

Of course, these are all generational stereotypes that many baby boomers would reject. But regardless, they would probably stand up and cheer if they read a list of tweets inspired by X user @FvreignLL, who asked, “What is the most boomer complaint you have?” The since-deleted post was embraced by younger people and received over 123 million views.

Even though boomers are frequently in the hot seat these days, just about everyone can agree that they’re right about many things that get under younger people’s skin, too. One of the recurring themes of the post was that people can’t stand the fact that we are overly dependent on technology, and often, instead of making things more accessible, it makes them more frustrating.

Here are 15 of the best ‘boomer complaints’ that younger people have, too.

People had a lot of thoughts on the state of tipping culture.


They also can’t stand the idea that technology has complicated things unnecessarily.



On that note, technology has also made people super annoying. What's the point in paying upwards of $23 for a movie and scrolling through your phone in the theater the whole time?

People also noted that with a lack of third spaces, we now have a world that isn’t exactly kid-friendly

Also—what happened to adult clothes?


Whatever happened to paying for something once and then owning it? Or being able to own physical media so that you don’t have to pay every time you watch your favorite movie?


Moving on to food complaints, when did we all decide that almost every chip has to be kettle-cooked and made for people with cobalt teeth? Enjoying a snack shouldn't result in a $5,000 dental bill.

Remember when coffee was a quarter? Boomers do. These days, it's common to spend $6 or $7 PLUS on a cup of Joe.

Essentially, now everyone past 30 understands the issue of folks standing on their finely manicured lawn.


We might label boomers as the cranky generation, but eventually, Gen Xers, millennials and, yes, even Gen Zers will be right behind them, complaining about "kids these days" and why things were so much better "in my day." Tis the circle of life. One the bright side though, they'll at least be better at using technology.

This article originally appeared last year.

From Your Site Articles
community
Animals & Wildlife

6th grader's science experiment answers, 'Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?'

A question no one knew they needed answered.

Photo courtesy of Kerry Hyde

Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on? Science answers.

Cat owners sometimes have unique questions that even Google doesn't always have the answer to. This is probably the sole reason cat forums exist, but one kid who needed a 6th grade science project decided to skip the cat forums for answers and instead use the scientific method. Kaeden Henry, a sixth grader living in Florida, bravely pondered a question few (if any one) has been brave enough to ask: do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?

Since cats do whatever the heck they want, training them not to jump on kitchen counters is a feat even Hercules struggles to complete. These fierce felines don't care if you're cooking dinner or trying to get comfy in bed. If they want to sit somewhere, they're going to do it. The thought of cat butts on that expensive Serta pillow designed to feel like you're sleeping on a cloud can gross people out, but thanks to Kaeden, you no longer have to wonder if the butthole itself is also making contact.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The curious sixth grader is homeschooled and well-versed in the scientific method thanks to her mother's PhD in animal behavior with a concentration in feline behavior. And, since they own cats, the science experiment was pretty straightforward (and directly impactful).

To complete the experiment, Henry and his mom, Kerry Hyde, bought non-toxic lipstick and applied it to each of their cat's anuses. Then, the cats were given commands.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"Non-toxic lipstick was applied to their bum-bums, they were then given a series of commands (sit, wait, lie down, and jump up. Side note: Both cats have been trained since kittenhood with a variety of commands, they also know how to high-five, spin around, and speak.), they were compensated with lots of praise, pets, and their favorite treats, and the lipstick was removed with a baby wipe once we collected our data in just under 10 minutes," Hyde wrote in a Facebook post.

The results? Turns out that, no, cat buttholes do not touch every surface cats sit on. Now, let's all take a collective sigh of relief while we go over the details. Kaeden's experiment covered long-haired, short-haired, and medium-haired cats (if your cat is hairless, you better stock up on Clorox wipes just in case).

"His results and general findings: Long and medium haired cat’s buttholes made NO contact with soft or hard surfaces at all. Short haired cats made NO contact on hard surfaces. But we did see evidence of a slight smear on the soft bedding surface. Conclusion, if you have a short haired cat and they may be lying on a pile of laundry, an unmade bed, or other soft uneven surface, then their butthole MAY touch those surfaces!" Hyde shares.

Now every curious cat owner can rest easy knowing that as long as their cat has hair, their bare bottom balloon knot is not touching the majority of surfaces in their home.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The amusing experiment caught the Internet's attention. People laughed and commented, with one person writing, "This is probably the most useful information I’ve learned from a science fair project."

"Good to know!...I can now eat my sandwich left on the counter with confidence!" another writes.

Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"A+++!!! Whew!! I am very grateful for your sciencing on this subject. My fears from walking in on my cat sitting on my laptop keyboard and subsequently being grossed out and cleaning furiously in a hyper-ocd manner have been somewhat allayed and now maybe I won’t have to use QUIIITE so many wipes." someone chimes in.

"Finally.. Someone answers the important questions!!"

From Your Site Articles
cats
Music

Māori kapa haka performance of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' is the ultimate cultural mash-up

Unexpected—and awesome.

Ian Ridpath/YouTube

A Māori choir sings the Queen classic "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" has been covered dozens of different ways, but you've never seen it performed like this.

As one of the most iconic songs in rock music, "Bohemian Rhapsody" is recognizable no matter how it's done. As children, my brother and I used to belt out Galileos and Figaros in the backseat of our parents' Volkswagon whenever the song came on (yes, just like in Wayne's World). While other kids learned about Beelzebub in Sunday School, I learned about him from Queen's perfect harmonies. If there were an anthem from my classic-rock-filled childhood, it would be "Bohemian Rhapsody."

It's one of those songs that is hard to cover well, though it hasn't stopped people from trying. Some renditions are definitely better than others, but this kapa haka version from New Zealand has caught people's attention and delight like few "Bohemian Rhapsody" covers have.

A Māori choir in native garb sang the song live in the Māori language, and it is something to see.

The group Hātea performed the song on February 21, 2019, at New Zealand's national kapa haka festival, Te Matatini, in Wellington. The festival brings 46 kapa haka (Māori performing arts) groups together to compete against one another.

Newshub reports that Hātea collaborated with musical artist William Waiirua to create a "Bohemian Rhapsody" cover in the Māori language, both as a tribute to Freddie Mercury and to celebrate the Oscar-nominated movie about his life.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The group had previously created a music video for their cover, but seeing it performed live is something else. The voices, the harmony, the presentation—everything—is wonderful.

This kind of cultural mashup reminds us how small our world has become.

The contrast between Queen's 1970s British rock and the Māori people's traditional kapa haka could not be more striking. And yet, the melding of the two totally works. Music has the power to bring people together, and this performance is a great example of how it can bridge cultures with beautiful results.

Watch the live performance here:

- YouTubeyoutu.be

People loved seeing it:

"Lump in the throat. Im so proud to be a Kiwi. This Kapa haka group is so talented. The harmonies are fantastic. The Maori language is so precious as are our Maori people. I could listen to this group over and over again. Spectacular."

"I was just totally moved, and have legitimately got goosebumps from this beautiful Maori rendition, of a Queen classic, Bohemian Rhapsody. I just had this wave of emotion, come soaring throughout my whole entire body."

"I’m just a simple Aussie but that was incredibly moving, something inherently beautiful about the Polynesian peoples, don’t ever change."

"Freddie told his executor before he died that he didn’t care what was done with his legacy, just ‘don’t make me boring’. This is exactly the kind of thing he was hoping would happen with his legacy when he said that."

"The reach of this song, far and wide, across all kinds of languages, cultures and ages, is astounding. This is GLORIOUS. No one could have imagined this in 1974/75. Thank goodness the record exec who said it wouldn't sell didn't stop Queen from releasing it back then."

"That was freaking awesome! Freddy is smiling down on this! Thank you!"

As one commenter pointed out, it's interesting how often "mama" is a common word among different languages. It's unmistakable in this song, even if you don't understand any of the other words.

And if you want more, check out the official music video for the "Bohemian Rhapsody" cover as well:

- YouTubeyoutu.be


This article originally appeared six years ago.

From Your Site Articles
music
Community

Family invites UPS driver to cookout to 'make a plate', makes him part of the family

"Everybody family around here 😭."

Relaxed008/YouTube

UPS driver invited to family's cookout.

Family cookouts are the ultimate get-together. Good food, good people, and good quality time together. Invites are usually extended to close friends and kin—but one family extended the invite to a UPS driver (and total stranger) working a shift on a holiday weekend, proving community and hospitality are still alive and well.

TikToker @1fanto shared a touching video with his followers from Easter weekend where his family invited a UPS driver making rounds in their neighborhood to come to their cookout and 'make a plate.'

"Everybody family around here 😭," he captioned the video. "Everybody invited to the cookout.😂"

@1fanto

Everybody family around here 😭 #easter #cookout #wherethefunction

In the video, the UPS driver is seen standing in the family's driveway, and a group of cookout attendees warmly welcome him to join them. The uncle of @1fanto says to the driver, "You've been working hard all day man, you can go on in there!" He calls out for a woman named Stephanie to "take care of him!"

The UPS driver walks up the driveway, and they encourage him to go inside and get his fill as he enters the garage. After securing a plate of food and a drink, the driver walks back outside to mingle with guests, shaking hands with the uncle who invited him.

"You good?" the uncle asks, and the driver responds, "Yeah I'm good. They hooked me up. Thank you so much. Appreciate y'all for inviting me out." On his way back to his truck, the uncle encourages the driver to invite other workers to stop by as well.

@1fanto

Explaination to last video! Thank yall for the support really appreciate it. Yall are invited to the next cookout 🤝. #easter #cookout #fyp #upsdriver #invitedtothecookout

In a follow up video, @1fanto explained more about how the invite went down. He shares that the UPS driver was driving by the family's house on the Saturday before Easter, and at the time the family was enjoying a big fish fry cookout together. His uncle flagged the driver down, and he pulled over.

He shares that his uncle told the driver, "Go inside and get you a plate!" The driver asked him, "Are you sure?" But he reassured him, adding that the family made sure to ask the driver what he wanted and didn't want on his plate to "make sure he was good and got everything he needed".

"I saw it had a positive impact. That's what my family do. That's not something that we just do for social media," @1fanto shared. "That's something that we do on a regular basis that doesn't just happen when the camera's on. It happens when the camera's off, too. We're all equal. We all bleed the same."

Viewers had lots of positive things to say in the comment section.

"I am a UPS driver and that makes our day. People showing love to us"

"Your family represents the best of America🫶🏼 Your uncle is now all of our uncle."

"Working the holidays suck. But they made that man’s entire day. Love it."

"I love when people are nice for no reason. You’re so real ♥️thank you for being so kind."

cookout
Trending Stories