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Chaplain who comforted thousands of dying people reveals their most common regret

It's a great lesson that we could all learn from.

via Tampa General Hospital and Canva/Photos

Chaplain J.S. Park and a man on his deathbed.

The regrets of the dying are tragedies for those who are leaving this world. However, for the living, they can be valuable lessons on how to live a happy and meaningful life that benefits others. That way, when we reach the end, we can do so peacefully, knowing that we got the most out of this one lifetime.

Joon Park, who goes by J.S. Park on social media, is a chaplain at Tampa General Hospital who describes himself as a “grief catcher” and is the author of “As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve.” He has sat at the bedsides of thousands of people who are in the process of passing away, and that’s given him a very unique perspective on life. He knows the greatest gift to give to the dying is listening so they can feel heard before they leave this world.

What’s the biggest regret of the dying?

He told CNN that in his conversations with the dying, there is one regret that he hears the most: “I only did what everyone else wanted, not what I wanted.”

“Many of us near the end realize we were not able to fully be ourselves in life – we had to hide to survive,” he continued. “It was not always our fault. Sometimes, our resources, the systems, and culture around us did not allow us to. My hope is always to fully see and hear this patient, who is now finally free. ”

dying, hospice, j.s. parkA man in the final moments of his life.via Canva/Photos

It must feel terrible to walk through life feeling like a square peg in a round hole, having a job you don’t like, a spouse who doesn’t understand you, or having to live up to standards that you didn’t create. It’s upsetting that many people experience this, and Park’s advice reminds us to ask ourselves a serious question: Am I living my life or the life someone else has chosen for me?

Park said that people's most common fear towards the end of their lives is whether their loved ones will be okay after they’re gone.

“Will my loved ones be OK without me? Who will look after Mom? Who will take my dad to the doctor? How will my son and daughter get along without me? Even my patients who are most at peace with their dying are still anxious about how their own death will affect their family,” he says. The fear shows that even when people are ready to leave this world, they never stop caring for those closest to them.

“This is almost an empathic anticipatory grief, experiencing the grief of the other person’s future loss. We are so connected that often we worry about how other people will be affected by our own death,” Park said.


How to know if you're living your own life

How do we know if we are living our own life and not that of others? It’s a big question, but according to Follow Your Own Rythm, a great place to start is to stop letting fear or society’s expectations dictate your path. Instead, express yourself freely, follow your passions, live by your core values, and spend time with yourself, touching base with your thoughts and feelings. You’ll know you’re living your life when it begins to feel more harmonious and authentic.

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Wellness

Yoga has been banned in Alabama public schools since 1993. How is this real?

Image by Paulo Sérgio de Oliveira Rosa from Pixabay

The health benefits of yoga are understood so far and wide in modern society that the exercise is utilized by everyone from suburban soccer moms to professional football players. We also have a wealth of research about the emotional and mental benefits of meditation—so much, in fact, that some schools have successfully implemented meditation as a way to improve student behavior.

But apparently, in Alabama, some folks are afraid that letting kids do yoga or meditation in school might lead them to do something terrifying...like becoming a Hindu, or being attracted to Hinduism, or looking into Hinduism, or something.

Since 1993, Alabama has banned yoga and guided meditation from public schools, as it got wrapped up in a blanket ban on "the use of hypnosis and dissociative mental states."

"School personnel shall be prohibited from using any techniques that involve the induction of hypnotic states, guided imagery, meditation or yoga," the State Board of Education's regulations state.

A new bill has been introduced—and passed in the Alabama House of Representatives in a 73-25 vote—that would allow schools to authorize yoga. However, for the bill to become law it has to pass through the Senate, where it is has stalled due to pushback from conservative groups who are concerned about the Hindu origins of the exercise.

Becky Gerritson, director of the conservative group Eagle Forum of Alabama, spoke out against the bill during the public hearing.

"Yoga is a very big part of the Hindu religion," she said, according to the AP. "If this bill passes, then instructors will be able to come into classrooms as young as kindergarten and bring these children through guided imagery, which is a spiritual exercise, and it's outside their parents' view. And we just believe that this is not appropriate."

The Eagle Forum website also states their official position:

"Many people see Yoga as harmless. Even many Christians churches offer Yoga. However, Yoga is a group of physical, mental, and spiritual practices or disciplines which originated in ancient India. Yoga is one of the six Āstika (orthodox) schools of Hindu philosophical traditions. In the Education Committee the sponsor made it very clear that Yoga was needed in schools to help with mental clarity which confirms that it is not intended to be just a physical exercise. We hold the position that if parents want their children to engage in the practice of yoga that they do it on their own time and not in public schools with tax payer money."

Ah yes. Mental clarity = a problematic religious influence of some sort. Makes perfect sense.

Considering the fact that the Eagle Forum has complained about school prayer being banned and the Ten Commandments statue being removed from a government building, that they and really, really wanted "under God" to remain in the Pledge of Allegiance kids say each day, their stance seems a smidge hypocritical. And banning an exercise that isn't overtly religious just because it originated from an Eastern spiritual tradition and not Christianity seems silly.

The fact of the matter is yoga has gone mainstream. In the U.S. especially, it's far removed from any religious connotations. That's not necessarily a good thing—there are ongoing discussions about cultural appropriation in Western yoga practices—but the idea that yoga turns you Hindu is illogical on its face.

The resistance seems particularly overreactive when you see that the bill includes strict rules for schools to teach yoga, such as limiting it "exclusively to poses, exercises and stretching techniques," using "exclusively English descriptive names" for the poses, and expressly prohibiting "chanting, mantras, mudras, use of mandalas, and 11 namaste greetings."

Stripping any and all Indian or Hindu elements from school yoga practices, what do they fear happening? Do they think kids putting their bodies into a specific position will somehow summon Hindu spirits that will somehow convince the children to be Hindu?

"This whole notion that if you do yoga, you'll become Hindu — I've been doing yoga for 10 years and I go to church and I'm very much a Christian," said Democratic Rep. Jeremy Gray, who introduced the bill, according to the AP. Gray was introduced to yoga when he played college football at North Carolina State University and enjoyed it so much he became a yoga instructor himself.

Rajan Zed, who is president of Universal Society of Hinduism, pointed out that the overwhelming majority of yoga teachers and practitioners aren't Hindu and that anyone of any faith can utilize yoga.

"Traditionally Hinduism was not into proselytism. So, Alabamans should not to be scared of yoga at all," Zed wrote in a statement after the committee meeting.

The same goes for meditation, guided or otherwise. Yoga and meditation are ancient practices that people around the world from various cultures and traditions have benefited from without some big conversion to the faith of their origins. Every guided meditation I've ever done just walks you through peaceful mental imagery. We're not talking about holding seances or ritual sacrifices here, for the love.

When we have bullying and mental health crises and mass shootings happening in schools, kids doing a tree pose or imagining they're floating on a beautiful lake are the last things adults should be worrying about. Seriously.

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Pro-life pastor's post argues that an unrepentantly sinful leader is deadlier than abortion

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

We've heard that character is on the ballot this election—but also that policy matters more than personality. We've heard that integrity and honesty matter—but also that we're electing the leader of a nation, not the leader of a Boy Scout troop.

How much a candidate's character matters has been a matter of debate for decades. But one of the odd juxtapositions of the Trump era is that arguably the most historically immoral, character-deficient candidate has been embraced by the evangelical Christian right, who tout morality more than most. Trump won the right's "moral majority" vote by pushing conservative policies, and there is a not-so-small percentage of "one issue" voters—the issue being abortion—who are willing to overlook any and all manner of sin for someone who says they want to "protect the unborn."

So when a prominent, staunchly pro-life, conservative Christian pastor comes out with a biblical argument that basically says "Yeah, no, the benefit doesn't outweigh the cost," it makes people sit up and listen.


John Piper is the founder of desiringgod.org and the chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary. He spent 33 years as a Baptist minister and is the author of dozens of books on Christian theology, including a handful of best-sellers. And he recently published a post that, while certainly not endorsing Biden, makes a biblical argument for rejecting Trump.

In what he called a "long-overdue article," Piper pointed out the sins of "unrepentant sexual immorality," "unrepentant boastfulness," "unrepentant vulgarity," and "unrepentant factiousness," and questioned why so many Christians only consider such sins toxic instead of deadly.

"These are sins mentioned in the New Testament," he wrote. "To be more specific, they are sins that destroy people. They are not just deadly. They are deadly forever. They lead to eternal destruction..."

Piper added that such sins don't just destroy people, but nations as well.

"I think it is a drastic mistake to think that the deadly influences of a leader come only through his policies and not also through his person," he wrote.

"This is true not only because flagrant boastfulness, vulgarity, immorality, and factiousness are self-incriminating, but also because they are nation-corrupting. They move out from centers of influence to infect whole cultures. The last five years bear vivid witness to this infection at almost every level of society."

Piper even gave a biblical example of precisely what he means by the character of a leader leading to death for a nation.

"There is a character connection between rulers and subjects," he wrote. "When the Bible describes a king by saying, 'He sinned and made Israel to sin' (1 Kings 14:16), it does not mean he twisted their arm. It means his influence shaped the people. That's the calling of a leader. Take the lead in giving shape to the character of your people. So it happens. For good or for ill."

He also explains how Christian arguments along the lines of "policy over personality" ignore the real damage done by having a leadership position filled with a person whose character is destructive:

"Christians communicate a falsehood to unbelievers (who are also baffled!) when we act as if policies and laws that protect life and freedom are more precious than being a certain kind of person. The church is paying dearly, and will continue to pay, for our communicating this falsehood year after year.

The justifications for ranking the destructive effects of persons below the destructive effects of policies ring hollow.

I find it bewildering that Christians can be so sure that greater damage will be done by bad judges, bad laws, and bad policies than is being done by the culture-infecting spread of the gangrene of sinful self-exaltation, and boasting, and strife-stirring...

How do they know this? Seriously! Where do they get the sure knowledge that judges, laws, and policies are less destructive than boastful factiousness in high places?"

Piper then specifically addressed the "But what about abortion?" question, articulating both his strict abortion-is-baby-murder stance and his belief that abortion deaths don't outweigh the broader death and destruction caused by a selfish, braggadocious leader.

"I think Roe is an evil decision. I think Planned Parenthood is a code name for baby-killing and (historically at least) ethnic cleansing. And I think it is baffling and presumptuous to assume that pro-abortion policies kill more people than a culture-saturating, pro-self pride," he wrote.

"When a leader models self-absorbed, self-exalting boastfulness, he models the most deadly behavior in the world. He points his nation to destruction. Destruction of more kinds than we can imagine."

Piper made it clear that his purpose in writing the post was not to convince anyone to vote a specific way (an editor's note indicates that he won't be voting for Biden or Trump), but rather hoped that Christians would "be given pause" by examining the consequences of choosing a leader with "a pattern of public behaviors that lead to death."

It's a serious statement from a serious Christian leader, which Christians might want to seriously consider. You can read the full article here.

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Church posts hilarious Bible-themed signs to enforce social distancing in the pews

Father Nathan Monk/Facebook

We're living through an incredibly stressful time with the global pandemic, economic woes, social and political unrest, and internet comments filled with conspiracy theorists, but that doesn't mean we can't keep our sense of humor. In fact, laughter might be the most healing tool we have at the moment.

Pandemic humor can be tricky, of course—there's nothing laughable about widespread illness and death—but it can be done. And it can even be done in a place not generally known for comedy, like a church sanctuary.

Father Nathan Monk, a former priest, shared photos from Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New Orleans on Facebook, which show how the church is creatively handling social distancing guidelines in the pews. The pews that should remain empty to keep people distanced have signs hung with blue painters tape.

The first quotes Jesus: "'I have prepared a place for you...'" then adds, "Just not this pew."

Next, referring to the loaves and fishes story in the Bible: "Jesus sat the 5000 down in rows...But not this one."

"Zacchaeus climbed a sycamore tree to get a better seat...this pew was not it." HA.

And they just get better.

"Abraham was 100 years old when Isaac was born. And if he were here today, he still wouldn't be allowed to sit in this pew." NOT EVEN ABRAHAM, PEOPLE. Find another seat.

Going way back to the Old Testament and Jewish Passover tradition in which people save a seat for Elijah at the Seder feast, one sign was a simple, "Reserved for Elijah only."

How about a fun game of spiritual hide and seek? "'You will find me when you seek me'.... Just not in this pew. Keep seeking."

What if you think of this pew as the forbidden fruit? No touchy. No sitty.

"Remember when the Lord put a 'Flaming Sword' at the entrance of the Garden of Eden, so Adam and Eve couldn't go there? 'Flaming sword' can also be translated blue tape."

And in case that isn't clear, "Jesus said take up my cross, not this pew."

Nailed it. This church managed to keep a light mood and inject some Bible-based humor into an otherwise serious situation, got people to follow public health recommendations, and didn't get preachy or judgey about it. "Fun" and "uplifting" are not generally words people use to describe public health mandates, but that's how people in the comments on Monk's post are describing these pew signs.

Well done, Redeemer Presbyterian. Helping us laugh so we don't cry.

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