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Science shows the brain literally rewires after a friend breakup. But there's a way to move forward.

“Friendship breakups are often a private kind of pain.”

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Breaking up with a friend hurts.

Imagine this: you’re scrolling through Instagram and suddenly come across photos of your former best friend living their best life—without you. Your stomach drops to the floor, every muscle in your chest tightens, and, without warning, you’re sniffling over someone who once knew your Jamba Juice order by heart (medium Strawberry Whirl with a caffeine boost) but now treats you like a stranger.


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If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Friendship breakups are one of life’s most devastating experiences, yet society either chooses to ignore them altogether or expects us to “get over it,” as if it’s no big deal.

Spoiler alert: it is a big deal. And we have the science to back it up.


The science and psychology behind friendship breakups

Here’s something that might surprise you: when a friendship ends, your brain processes it in much the same way as it would a romantic breakup. The same neural pathways light up, the same stress chemicals flood into your system, and you feel like your heart is breaking into a million tiny pieces.

Ugly crying into a pint of ice cream would not be uncalled for in this situation.


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Research shows that up to 70% of close friendships don’t make it past the seven-year mark. This doesn’t mean that we’re bad at friendship; rather, it’s a reflection of the fact that people change, grow apart, and that life unfolds in unexpected ways. However, knowing the statistics doesn’t make a friendship breakup any less brutal when you’re experiencing it firsthand.

When you lose a close friend, your brain goes into emergency panic mode. Known as the mood stabilizer, serotonin levels drop after losing a friend, leading to mood instability, anxiety, and depression symptoms. The brain goes through dopamine withdrawal, creating feelings of emptiness and a loss of pleasure.

Your amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—freaks out, sending waves of stress signals through your body. Simultaneously, the same regions that process physical pain (the ones that would activate if you broke a bone) start working overtime to process that emotional pain.


woman, sad, brain, head, emotions Woman with her head in her hands.Photo credit: Canva

This is why we use physical terms to describe heartbreak, like "crushed,” “broken,” or “torn apart.” Because in these moments, your brain truly cannot distinguish between physical and emotional pain.

The grief no one talks about

Friendship breakups can be especially painful because our society isn’t built to acknowledge them. When a romantic relationship ends, friends and family typically gather around to offer emotional support and say things like, “You’re better off, sweetie," or “It’s their loss.”

But when a friendship falls apart? Crickets.

Unlike other forms of loss, friendship endings involve ambiguous grief: mourning someone who is still alive but is no longer present in your life.


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This phenomenon is also known as “disenfranchised grief," and refers to the type of pain that does not receive social recognition or support. A friend is someone who has left an indelible mark on your life, and yet, society tells you to get over it because, after all, it’s “just a friend.”

“Losing a close friendship can hurt just as deeply as a romantic breakup, if not more in some cases,” explains Charlotte Fox Weber, psychotherapist and author of What We Want, in an interview with Stylist.

“You’re not just mourning the present reality of the friendship; you’re grieving what it once was—the laughter, the shared experiences, the dreams you built together, and the promise of what life might become.”

Healing happens in stages

The good news is that you’re not broken. This pain will not last forever. Healing from a friendship breakup, much like any other form of grief, happens in waves. Some days you'll feel fine, while others you may want to hide under the covers and stare at old pictures of the two of you. The “good old days.”

First, allow yourself to feel everything. Seriously. Be sad, angry, confused, hurt. Hurl the dictionary and the thesaurus at your grief. Cry in the shower. Scream in the car. Your feelings are valid, even if no one else seems to recognize them.


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Next, practice self-compassion. Talk to yourself kindly and use words full of love. If a family member was going through something similar, would you tell them they were being dramatic? Hopefully not! You would wrap them in a tight hug and remind them that they are worthy of love and friendship.

Finally, get curious about the lessons this experience has taught you. What have you learned about yourself through this friendship? What do you want to do differently in future relationships? Pain can often be our greatest teacher, even if you prefer to learn your lessons more gently.

Plot twist: You’re stronger now

Here’s something no one tells you about surviving a friendship breakup: it makes you resilient. Look at you! You have navigated through one of life’s most under-recognized heartbreaks and emerged in one piece. You sat with difficult emotions, comforted yourself, and became your own best friend when you needed one the most.

That’s not insignificant; that’s everything.

So, take your time. Feel your feelings. Be gentle with yourself. And remember, almost everyone has experienced a loss like this at some point. You’re not behind in life; you’re exactly where you need to be.

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Boomers and older Gen Xers share 40 innovative ways they keep their brains sharp

They do so much more than crosswords.

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Older people share surprising and simple ways they keep their brains healthy and sharp.

One of the biggest battles of healthy aging is staying mentally sharp. Having a healthy brain is important for mental and physical longevity.

Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that 6.7 million older adults in the United States have Alzheimer’s disease, the most common type of dementia. The CDC notes that by 2060, that number will double.

However, being proactive about brain health can help keep aging brains thriving. In an online forum of Boomers and older Gen Xers, they opened up on how they keep their brains sharp and memory strong. These are 40 surprising (and simple) ways they've maintained healthy brains as they've aged.

aging, healthy aging, mental sharpness, sharp brain, aging well Aging Old Man GIF by A&E Giphy

"I take on-line college courses. Pick one out that piques my interest and sign up. The advantage at my age is I can study whatever I want, I'm not really concerned with advancing my career. Ancient Mediterranean History? Sure why not? History of Beer? Why not? Psychology of Evil? Sounds interesting. All on-line, all cheap. Keeps my brain active." - mike11172

"I'm way into fitness and still work out with weights. Also walk a lot and do fun things outdoors. I make sure that I get outside at least an hour every day. I'm careful to eat good foods that meet nutritional requirements, especially since I work out. I drink plenty of fresh filtered water. Taking care of your health in these three ways really makes a difference in one's mental sharpness and attitude. I belong to a religion that encourages me to treat others kindly and to be thankful for the life I have. Participate in activities that involve helping others. That really makes anybody feel good, have a purpose, and be glad they have the means to give of themselves. My husband and I make a point to always treat each other like we're newlyweds. Keeping the stress in your home to a minimum improves your mental state. In my down time, I've gotten into paper art. It's fun and an easy way for anyone to stay creative. I make cute things and greeting cards for others." - Bebe_Bleau

knowledge, learning, brain health, sharp brain, sharp mind Learn The More You Know GIF by @InvestInAccess Giphy

"I write novels and memoir essays. The novels require a lot of research about settings and history. Unexpectedly, even the memoirs require research, because I took for granted behaviors and ideas that need to be explained for modern readers since nobody takes them for granted anymore. I volunteer for a local organization that helps provide food and medicine to households who have run out of money before the next paycheck. I work with recent immigrants who speak little English and am constantly learning new things about what it's like to struggle for survival in lives of utter poverty." - Building_a_life

"Just use it. The brain works a lot like muscles in the sense that it will degrade quickly if you don't use it but can maintain its abilities for a long ass time if you do use it. I've met so many older people who basically just stop doing anything that requires a lot of thought when they get older because thinking is a lot of work. And you can definitely tell that kind of person when interacting with them. Conversations with them feel more like talking with a bunch of pre-recorded responses. Just do stuff that requires a lot of thought. Learn new skills. Read about complex, interesting ideas. Do puzzles. Play chess." - Yak-5000

"Started flying a small airplane a few years ago at 64. Mentally challenging." - slick62

wordle, puzzles, wordle puzzle, doing puzzles, brain health New York Times Running GIF by PERFECTL00P Giphy

"All the many word puzzles: Wordle, Quordle, Octordle, Connections, Squaredl, Blossom, etc. Crosswords, jigsaw puzzles, hour + walks per day. Writing, reading, cooking. Day trips and quick trips of 1-3 nights. Working really got in my way!" - Conscious-Reserve-48

"Counseling. It is important to keep processing your feelings, otherwise they pile up." - arkofjoy

"I quit smoking and started juggling. I'm no performer, but it keeps the nervous system active and it's fun for the whole family. Learning new tricks that are counterintuitive is the hardest, especially with new devices. I mostly stick to 3 balls, as I prefer to get good with simple things." - Tempus_Fuggit

"I'm fixing up an old sailboat when I'm not doing house maintenance /upgrades." - darkcave-dweller

gen z, gen z gif, gen z kids, gen z life, gen z culture Nick Kroll Fx GIF by Adults Giphy

"I have in-depth conversations with my GenZ kids. No restrictions on topics. They are phenomenally smart, well-informed, and engaged." - CommissarCiaphisCain

"Crossword puzzles. More importantly I work with teens who teach me the latest jargon among other things. I adore them all." - Kissoflife1

"I've spent most of my life living in foreign countries and really don't know any other life. My budget in old age allows me to annually travel solo to third world countries. I'm keeping my mind active by always trying to figure things out like communicating in some foreign language, organizing my own hotel reservations, traveling arrangements etc. Things frequently get off the rails, so I have lots of practice figuring out the answer to the questions like, what the heck should I do now?" - nonsense39

spanish, learning spanish, speaking spanish, learning language, new language spanish gif Giphy

"I learned to play a musical instrument and I’m taking Spanish lessons. These activities really challenge the brain." - ClawhammerJo

"I consume very little mainstream news. The more mainstream news you watch, the less you understand about the world--it's not meant to inform, it's meant to divide us and manipulate our prejudices. Finally, I've adopted the idea that pessimists are pessimistic because they imagine they can predict the future. I know and accept that I can't predict the future, so I'm optimistic. The possibilities are, as they've always been, infinite. I don't dwell on the past, and I don't worry about the future." - crackeddryice

line dance, line dancing, learning line dancing, line dance gif, line dancing hobby Country Music Old Town Road GIF by Lil Nas X Giphy

"Line dancing. It uses the brain and the body, and in my area I’ve found I can dance several times a week." - littleoldlady71

"I read a lot of books. I listen to a lot of music. I hike as much as I can. I meditate daily. All seem to be important for my brain." - WingZombie

"A good brain takes regular practice. Think like a young person by talking to young people…asking them about their thoughts and ideas…they aren’t interested in my opinions much. Read about technological advances, social studies, philosophy and art. Learn and practice languages. And ride a motorcycle on and off road. My wife and I go somewhere or do something new once a week. I like getting strangers to laugh. I also smile and share joy wherever possible." - gorongo

"My Amazon deliveries are made to a set of lockers onsite. I will never walk up to the lockers and THEN pull out my phone to look for the code. I will look at the message with the code and force myself to remember it before I ever enter the building so I can just walk up to the lockers, enter my code and get my stuff without anyone having to wait on me. I find that my brain will spontaneously make all sorts of associations to the numbers that help me remember them. Whether this helps in the long run, who knows? I just know it kind of makes those trips to the locker like a game for me." - chonnes

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Surprising 16-year-long ADHD study proves researchers' hypothesis completely wrong

The findings from first-of-their-kind, long-term ADHD studies keep rolling in and surprising researchers along the way.

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Scientists continue to be surprised by the findings of long-term ADHD studies.

Our understanding of ADHD has come a long way in just a few short years. Though it wasn't even formally recognized as a medical condition until the 1960s, by the time the 90s rolled around, diagnoses and stimulant prescriptions were extremely prevalent. (Raise your hand if you grew up in the era of "Anyone who struggles in school gets Ritalin!") Today, diagnoses and treatment are a lot more thoughtful and individualized, and there are more options for treatment and therapy including but not limited to stimulants like the well-known Ritalin. Even with all these advancements, though, we still have more to learn.

A new long-term study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry has proven to be an excellent next step in getting a better understanding of the disorder, showing that a lot of what's commonly believed or assumed about ADHD is incomplete or just flat-out wrong.

Researchers studied 483 participants who were diagnosed with ADHD in childhood and continued to assess them for a period of 16 years. The study's authors wanted to get a sense of how ADHD symptoms might change over time.

What the researchers found surprised them. In most participants, symptoms of ADHD fluctuated greatly over the years rather than staying consistent. What surprised them even more were the environmental factors that seemed to play a role in those fluctuations.

adhd, children, kids, mental health, neurodivergent, brains, psychology, medicine, research, medical studies ADHD brains work in mysterious ways, but we're starting to get a clearer picture. Photo by BUDDHI Kumar SHRESTHA on Unsplash

Researchers expected that greater life demands—like more responsibility at work, a heavier workload at school, major life changes, etc.—would exacerbate ADHD symptoms. What they found was the opposite.

It makes sense that a person that struggles with inattention or hyperactivity might have more trouble focusing when they have more "going on" and more distractions to pull them in different directions. It was a huge surprise to the researchers that, actually, people's ADHD symptoms seemed to ease up when life got hectic.

“We expected the relationship between environmental demands and ADHD symptoms to be the opposite of what we found,” study author, professor, and clinical psychologist Margaret H. Sibley explained. “We hypothesized that when life demands and responsibilities increased, this might exacerbate people’s ADHD, making it more severe. In fact, it was the opposite. The higher the demands and responsibilities one was experiencing, the milder their ADHD.”

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I have a 4-year-old with ADHD and the findings totally track for me based on what I've witnessed in our own life.

We find it's actually easier to be in perpetual motion sometimes—out running errands, doing activities, visiting friends and family—versus staying put too long. When we're just relaxing at home, that's when she tends to start bouncing off the walls! Her ADHD tendencies come out strong in these quiet periods, including what we sometimes playfully refer to as her "hoarding" dozens of coloring sheets or surrounding herself in giant piles of toys, blankets, and stuffed animals; thereby making a huge mess in the house.

Doing nothing or doing very little is not often a restful state for people with ADHD. Typically, people with ADHD experience more background noise than neurotypical brains—so a quiet, seemingly restful environment can sometimes amplify racing thoughts, negative self-talk, and impulsive behavior versus dampening it. You know how kids sometimes act out in school not because they're not smart, but because the material is actually too easy for them and they're bored? Something similar is at play in both of these scenarios.

Of course, as always in science, you have to be careful assuming causation from the findings.

adhd, children, kids, mental health, neurodivergent, brains, psychology, medicine, research, medical studies The results show that staying busy may actually help relieve some ADHD symptoms. Annie Spratt/Unsplash

It's important to note that the results of the study don't definitively prove that being busy causes a decrease in ADHD symptoms.

“This might mean that people with ADHD perform their best in more demanding environments (perhaps environments that have stronger immediate consequences, like needing to put food on the table for a family or pay rent monthly). It also might mean that people with ADHD take more on their plate when their symptoms are relatively at bay," Sibley says. Either way, the correlation is certainly strong and worthy of more study.

In the meantime, the study's authors think the results could be viewed in a hopeful light for people just learning to manage their ADHD. “If you’re a doctor talking with a patient who is first getting diagnosed with ADHD, it’s a huge help for that person to hear the message that, ‘You’re going to have good years and not-so-good years, but things can go really well for you if you can get the right factors in place,'” Sibley said. As a parent, I can imagine how reassuring that would have been to hear early on in our own process.

adhd, children, kids, mental health, neurodivergent, brains, psychology, medicine, research, medical studies We still have so much to learn. Photo by Europeana on Unsplash

With ADHD diagnoses on the rise, more and more research is being conducted. For example, a recent long-term study out of Sweden was just published linking use of ADHD medication with a reduction in traffic crashes, general injuries, and criminal behavior. That's a strong argument for continuing to hone in on accurate diagnoses and treatment for people who need it, as it clearly benefits society as a whole when done properly!

We're learning more and more about what the factors that affect positive ADHD outcomes are—what might exacerbate symptoms and what types of things can help—and we're starting to get a clearer picture of how people can manage this challenging disorder.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Science confirms viral theory about inheriting your mom's nervous system—and it explains a lot

“My mom really said, ‘Double it and give it to the next person.’”

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Mother struggling to comfort her child.

Think about the last time your mom—whom you love and cherish—handled a situation poorly. Maybe she lost her temper while waiting to "speak to a representative" on the phone, or raised her voice in a moment that didn't warrant it. To be clear, mothers are not the only ones who lose their cool (we'll save analyzing your other family members' questionable behaviors for another time). But since they contribute 50% of our DNA, their unique responses to stress—their triggers, defense mechanisms, and attempts at self-soothing—deserve a second look. Because, as hoards of people on TikTok are now discovering, we inherit far more than just eye color and a winning smile from our moms.

Thanks to a viral video posted by TikTok user @sierraalexndraa (also known as Sierra Saltz, a chronic illness advocate and content creator who uses her platform to explore the connections between health, energy, and intentional living), people are discovering the complex, surprising world of genetic inheritance. The post, which has garnered 15 million views and 2.4 million likes, has sparked intense discussions about passed-on family traits, inherited emotional regulation, and that maybe, we really have no choice but to turn into our mothers.


@sierralexandraa

Did you know we inherit our mothers nervous system. #creatorsearchinsights #nervoussystemregulation #neuroception #epigenetics #neurospicy #fyp

"Did you know that you didn't just inherit your mom's genes, you inherited her nervous system, too?" Sierra asks. "From the moment we're in the womb, we're absorbing our mother's emotional state, her stress levels, and even the way she regulates her own nervous system."

The news shocked the Internet, with comments ranging from vulnerable ("You forgot to hold my hand 🥺," wrote one person) to outright denial ("Great, thank you, wish it didn't, moving on," replied another).

But the most common response? "Well, this explains a lot…"


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But is Sierra’s claim really true? Do we really inherit our mother’s nervous system? There was only one way to find out: We turned to science to try to explain this phenomenon. Here’s what we found.


The science behind “inheriting your mother’s nervous system”

Mitochondria tells the story. Yes, you inherit your mom’s nervous system—and your dad’s, too, don't forget. “It’s one of the basic tenets of biology: We get our DNA from our mom and our dad,” explains medical science writer Lisa Marshall. “But one notable exception has perplexed scientists for decades.”

It’s the mitochondria, the famed “powerhouse of the cell.”


mothers, science, mitochondria, genetics, nervous systemThe mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Photo credit: Canva

Humans, along with most animals, only inherit mitochondrial DNA from their mothers—the result of a strange anomaly in the procreation cycle, as “all traces” of the male mitochondrial genome are obliterated the moment the sperm meets egg.

Why is this important? Well, it turns out that mitochondria are involved in almost every aspect of the human body. “The nervous system cannot possibly function without the mitochondria,” explain Dutch psychological scientist Peter Kramer and research scientist Paola Bressan in the research article titled “Our (Mother’s) Mitochondria and Our Mind.”

Besides providing our bodies with energy, these specialized powerhouses also regulate calcium in neurons, ensures synapse formation and the creation of new neurons, and maintains the delicate balance between cell survival and programmed cell death (apoptosis). Which might sound like a bunch of A.P. Biology buzzwords shoved together, for those not in the medical field.

But just imagine the humble mitochondria, working overtime to make sure everything’s in order: that our senses work, our motive skills are up-to-code, memories are created, and hormones are properly released. Unbeknownst to most, the mitochondria in our bodies are taking care of us. Almost like… a mom.


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But when things go haywire, a bunch of problems tend to follow. “A place where mitochondrial trouble occurs frequently is the brain,” writes Kramer and Bressan. So, “it is hardly accidental that their malfunctioning has been associated with virtually every mental or neurological affliction on earth, including chronic psychological stress and fatigue, cognitive deficits, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, autism, multiple sclerosis, and Down syndrome.”

It’s not just genetics. Beyond the cellular level, a child’s ability to tolerate stress and self-soothe begins in the womb. Research suggests that chronic maternal stress experienced during pregnancy isn't just felt by the mom, but her baby as well—potentially wreaking havoc on the child’s stress-response systems before they're even born, which could lead to future psychological complexes around relaxation and emotional equilibrium.

There’s a unique mother-daughter connection, too. A groundbreaking UC San Francisco study found that the corticolimbic system—a fancy term for the part of the brain that’s in charge of emotional regulation and is often linked with mood disorders—is “more likely to be passed down from mothers to daughters” than to sons.


There’s no need to panic

While there's a clear connection between your nervous system and your mom's, it's important to understand that this isn't the complete story. As Dr. Fumiko Hoeft, a UCSF associate professor of psychiatry who led that groundbreaking study, stresses, "The finding does not mean that mothers are necessarily responsible for their daughters' depression. Many factors play a role in depression—genes that are not inherited from the mother, social environment and life experiences, to name only three. Mother-daughter transmission is just one piece of it."


mothers, science, mitochondria, genetics, nervous systemA pregnant mother taking a deep breath.Photo credit: Canva

Also, give your mom some credit! “We are more likely to inherit the good and the bad parts of our mother’s nervous system,” Dr. Natalie Jones, a licensed psychotherapist, says. “If your mother is calm, nurturing, and manages stress well, chances are you are likely to manage things in a similar fashion.”


Inheritance does not equal destiny

The mitochondria given to you at birth are just that—nothing more. Even nervous systems can be rewired (once you're out of the womb, that is). Through engaging in neuroplasticity-boosting activities daily, like physical exercise, learning new skills (hello, Duolingo), and mind-body techniques like yoga and meditation that lower stress hormones, your nervous system can be profoundly reshaped. Your mitochondria will thank you.

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