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Men's Health

Men share ridiculous ways their masculinity was questioned

Reading isn't manly, seriously?

Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash

Is it manly enough to cradle a puppy?

Okay, we’ve come a long way in terms of rethinking gender norms. Fashion is less rigidly conforming (you’ve seen the man who rocks pencil skirts and stilettos, right?). More men are flourishing in jobs traditionally performed by women. And perhaps most importantly, there is a growing number of male support groups that encourage heartfelt communication and emotional well-being. That said, there still remain quite a few outdated belief systems when it comes to how we define masculinity.

Case in point, a recent Reddit thread sparked by the question: “Men of Reddit, what was the most ridiculous reason why someone questioned your masculinity?” Some of these answers are indeed head scratchers. Others are flat-out offensive. Here are 10 of the most egregious accounts:

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1. Reading

Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash

“I was reading a book on my lunch break while I was working construction, and got a bunch of sh*t about reading being for women.” – Middle-Eye2129

“Went from women not being allowed to read to reading being only for women... what a world.” – Comprehensive-Ad4566

2. Practicing the most basic of safety measures

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One person wrote that their masculinity was questioned for “wearing gloves while welding.”

Because having all fingers intact makes you less of a man? Um … what?

Wear your gloves and fasten your safety belts, gentlemen. It’s okay. I'm pretty sure The Rock does.

3. Not eating the right foods

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“Had a friend give another friend shit because he wanted to eat a corn dog. He said grown ass men don’t eat corn dogs. Any man should understand.” – mondayortampa

It’s not just because of the distinct shape of certain foods garnering the “unmanly” label, either. See below:

“My dad got sh*t from a guy he was working with because he was eating a plain bagel with butter on it and drinking chocolate milk because the guy said it’s childish. Dad never cared and just laughed at the guy for being an idiot. Who wouldn’t like that combo? It’s a great thing to eat!” – WhatsUpFishes

“My husband bought some of our homegrown raspberries into work to share and a guy he works with said they were ‘girl food.’ It must be so exhausting to have to gender your food.” – Pepperfig_clover

4. Or drinking the right drinks

Photo by Atikh Bana on Unsplash

“Went to a Mexican restaurant and we waited at the bar before we could get a table. This place has awesome strawberry blended margaritas so I got one. Apparently lime = straight, strawberry = gay.” – Thirty_Helens_Agree

5. Appreciating cleanliness

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“I've had both women I just started dating, and male acquaintances who have thought my clean apartment was an indication I was gay.” – NorCalDustin

6. Using pink … anything

www.publicdomainpictures.net

“At work I gave a guy a report and it had a pink paperclip on it.

He asked me why I gave him a pink paperclip. I told him I just grabbed one. He then asked why I had a pink paperclip - I told him I had a rainbow pack.

Then he wanted to know why, when I saw it was pink, I didn't throw it away. He told me I shouldn't use pink paperclips [because] ‘people might have questions.’” – Everyday_Im_Stedelen

“About 30 years ago, they came out with neon string lines. As I work construction, I am constantly using string to ensure things are straight. By far, the brightest of the strings was a pink one.

So, I was constantly chided by the crew for having a pink string. This only happened until it started getting closer to dusk, at which point they all wanted to borrow my string.” – Dioscouri

7. Not applying deodorant in a ‘manly way’

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“Somebody once told me I wasn't applying deodorant manly enough.” – PearSB

“How do you apply deodorant in a manly manner?” – The_One_True_Disease

“You set fire to the can and let it explode behind you as you look epically to the camera.” – Astrophobia42

8. Being kind

commons.wikimedia.org

“Got accused of being gay for being nice to people in the dive bar I go to... I guess it's not masculine to be nice to people.” – pgh613

9. Having daughters

Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

“When I was pregnant, with a girl, someone said to me, in front of my husband, ‘a real man would’ve given you a boy.’” – badmamathree

“Someone should have said that to Henry VIII.” – BaldingMonk

“Why do you think there was a protestant movement?” – ArthurBonesly

10. Allowing a woman to do manly things

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“I was taking a break from driving a forklift and a woman asked if she could drive it (she was qualified to drive it so this wasn't just a random question from a random person.) I agreed and this one guy got so offended that I let a woman take over driving the forklift from me. This was back when ‘mancard’ was a thing so he of course said I needed to turn in my mancard for that.

Unsurprisingly, it turns out this guy got offended at all kinds of things all the time though. If he thought someone wasn't doing something the "right" way, he would rant and whine about it.” – BrickFlock

This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles

19 common American things in film and TV that definitely don't happen in real life

We've all seen them.

Paramount

Just because it's common in movies, doesn't mean it's common in everyday life.

Odds are you’ve come across a movie or television moment that made you think, “this definitely would never happen in real life.” Or maybe you thought something about a time or place which wasn’t actually real, thanks to a show you watched. I, for example, totally thought separate his & hers beds were a common thing in the 50s, thanks to “I Love Lucy.”

That’s kind of the magic of motion pictures. The line between reality and illusion is sometimes so blurred you really can’t discern between the whole “art imitating life” and “life imitating art” thing. Of course, the unbelievability of some common tropes make you wonder how they’ve endured for so long in the first place.

Recently, Reddit user rustyyryan asked: "What American thing is not that common but shown in many Hollywood movies/TV shows?"

Thousands responded. But here are some of the best answers.

1. "On Law and Order, when the police come and people keep doing their drone jobs. Sorry, but the most exciting thing in my day is a visit by the police, so I’m stopping everything, offering coffee, asking lots of questions, and ratting out my neighbors on unrelated things!" —wawa2022

via GIPHY

"The other thing with Law and Order and other cop shows is that people always act annoyed toward the cops. IRL, the vast majority of people are not going to act that way. I’ve had a couple of cop visits and I was always shocked and kind of nervous and there was no way I would have acted like they were getting on my nerves!"—logorrhea69

2."Presents where the box lid is wrapped separately from the rest of the box." —sra19

"This drives me crazy! I get it...it would be a huge hassle to have to re-wrap a present for every take, plus you have to worry about continuity, but I have literally never seen a present wrapped this way in my life."—yourlittlebirdie

3. "At schools, teachers give assignments like normal people and don't shout it at the class as they're departing after the bell rings." —Beezo514

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4. "Women having sex while wearing a bra the whole time. That's the first or second thing I take off of her." —BendingDoor

5. "The houses and apartments shown do not represent the living conditions of most folks." —rjainsa

"One of the reasons Spielberg's films from the '80s/'90s were so believable was that he insisted on houses looking lived in. The Goonies and E.T. both showed messy houses, single parents, scruffy kids, etc." —springloadednadsack

via GIPHY

6. "Empty parking spaces on city streets." —other_half_of_elvis

7. "Especially right in front of the place you’re going."—BxAnnie

8. "Moms making huge breakfasts that no one eats." —babyfresno77

9. "This is the one. Every time, I’m like, 'What time are these kids getting up? What time does school start?'"—DanDan_notaman

10. "Cars exploding in a crash." —St_Ander

"My husband is a firefighter, and he hates car explosion scenes in movies because they don't happen the way movies show them happening."—Specialist-Funny-926

11."I noticed that no one has screens on their windows on TV. Where I live the bugs would carry you away." —RusticSurgery

via GIPHY

"This one drives my husband crazy. He always comments on this when someone opens a window, sticks their head out, or throws something out. Could not do that where I live."—Sunnywithachance099

12. "Shoes on the bed." —slash-5

"I absolutely hate that trope. People with their shoes on beds or sofas. Hate it."—Farscape29

13. "Classes last longer than for the teacher to say something pithy, ask someone a question and then hear the bell ring. School buses don't honk for your lollygagging ass. If the bus stop is empty, they keep driving." —Scrotchety

14. "Halloween party costumes are much more elaborate on TV compared to real life." —Fireproofspider

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"You never see anyone in some crap they picked up at Spirit Halloween 30 minutes before the party."—Repulsive-Heron7023

15. "Nobody ever has to ask someone to repeat themselves in a movie. I probably say, 'What?' about 60 times a day." —Street-Suitable

"This is all TV and movies. Nobody ever stumbles over their words unless it is a plot-necessary miscommunication or the bumbly can't get my words out trope."—Jimmy_riddle86

16. "Abrupt endings to conversations or phone calls without saying bye." —ParapluieGris

via GIPHY

"OMG, thank you. Seriously, I wondered if people actually did this."—raggitytits

17. "The idea that you could be like six months behind on rent before they threaten to evict you, or six months behind on the power bill before they cut off your electricity. Maybe it used to be like that, but it sure isn’t anymore." —komeau

18. "People in a bar ordering a 'beer.' In real life, the server would likely be exasperated and ask about brand/kind and quantity." —remymartinia

"This one drives me nuts. I have never once in my 14 years working at restaurants and bars had someone just order a 'beer.'"—EveInGardenia

…and lastly…

19. "Kids dressed up for school, which would result in them being sent home to change…Also, teens wearing stilettos to school."—Wulfkat

via GIPHY

"Most teenagers today wear a baggy sweatshirt or a large T-shirt to school."—Randomthoughts4041

This article originally appeared in June.

From Your Site Articles

internet

Kids

Teachers share how different students are in 2024 than when they first started teaching

So many teachers got brutally honest about the struggles they've been facing in the classroom.

Photo credit: Canva

Things have changed. And not necessarily for the better.

The country is experiencing a major teacher burnout right now, and has been for quite a while. Obviously, COVID only exacerbated issues that were already present. But beyond dealing with grossly low wages, a neverending list of extra responsibilities and battling against phones for attention…there’s a more existential shift in students that’s making teachers become both disillusioned with their vocation, and concerned about this younger generation.

Recently, someone considering becoming a teacher asked other more experienced educators on Reddit to share "biggest difference you see in kids from the time you started teaching to right now in 2024?" The responses offer a bluntly candid glimpse of some of the challenges faced in schools today—but there are also some positive nuggets thrown in.

Below are some of the top answers.

1. "Level of curiosity... [it's] almost non-existent today. When I started in the '90s, there were always a handful of students in every class that wanted to know 'Why?' but in recent years, it's either 'Just tell me the answer' or 'Who cares? Just mark it wrong.'"—u/Pretend_Screen_5207

2. "I can't show movies or videos anymore because it is all boring to them. It is boring because they have Netflix on their phone and they can watch whatever they want at any time. It isn't special to watch a movie. "—u/Ferromagneticfluid

3. "Fine motor skills seems to be way down. I teach instrumental music, and kids [being able to figure] out where to put their fingers and how to maneuver them has gone way down since COVID."

classroom, kids " Kids [being able to figure] out where to put their fingers and how to maneuver them has gone way down since COVID."Photo credit: Canva

—u/eagledog

4. "A huge difference I’ve noticed is it is becoming disturbingly common for parents to explicitly tell their kids that they don’t have to follow school rules. Students are always so smug about it when they say that their mom gave them permission, and then equally enraged when they still receive the related consequence because mom doesn’t make the rules at school…Absolutely could never have been me when I was a student, and this was not a thing when I first started teaching. But this kind of attitude has grown increasingly more common every year."

—u/kaelhawh

5. "Kids just seem dumber overall. Could be the area I teach in, but basic math and literacy skills have constantly trended downward here. We keep lowering the bar for interventions because we don't have enough spots if half the school needs math and reading support.” —u/Baidar85

6. "Year 22 starts in July. I don't know if I can put it in words, but there's an air that little children have: it's a combination of silliness, joy, fearlessness, creativity, curiosity, imagination, and sweetness. Occasionally some naughtiness creeps in but it's all very innocent...I've taught K-1 most of my career and while many little kids still have all of these qualities, it's astonishing how many kids don't. You hand them a piece of paper and they say, 'I don't know what to draw,' or 'I don't like to color. You put on a silly dancing song and they not only refuse to stand up, they sit there whining 'This is BORING.' The water during science turns blue and they say 'Whatever.'

teachers, teaching "They've just... lost a huge developmentally appropriate part of their childhoods. It's going to have long-lasting societal repercussions."Photo credit: Canva

I think they're growing up too fast... They're afraid of looking silly or getting dirty or drawing attention to themselves by asking a question. They'd rather be on their phones more than anything in the whole wide world, but since they're at school, a Chromebook will do. If they're asked to do something challenging or ‘boring' they'll run to the counselor to complain about their big feelings so they can get access to a screen to 'calm down.' My kids are 5 to 8, generally, and they've just... lost a huge developmentally appropriate part of their childhoods. It's going to have long-lasting societal repercussions." —u/azemilyann26

7. "I’ve moved schools so I’m gonna have a rare opinion; they got much better in every area possible. Smarter, kinder, more respectful, self-aware, less entitled."—u/swift-tom-hanks

8. "I just finished year 34, all in upper elementary and middle school. Back in the day, I'd have one or two kids in a class who didn't give a flying f**k and who did literally nothing. Now it can be a third of the class. It's mind-blowing. I will have several assignments over the course of a trimester where less than half of the class will get the thing done and turned in. Nearly every assignment will have a couple of kids who write their names on it and then turn in blank pieces of paper."

—u/DerbyWearingDude

9. "I've been in early childhood [education] for 10 years now, [and] was a sub for about five years before that. What I've noticed since COVID is a profound lack of social skills. Not just a lack of curiosity or emotional dysregulation, which I've seen in spades, but an inability to play or talk or cooperate with other kids. Each kid is their own little island and they have zero interest in visiting other islands. "I've literally had to teach 5-year-olds how to play basic 'toss the ball' games or work together to build a wall of blocks' whereas before, they would be coming up with wacky 'Calvinball' type games on their own and pulling everyone under four feet tall into the game with barely any effort. Now, I might as well be trying to teach them physics in Klingon."

—u/the_owl_syndicate

10. "Their handwriting is…comically big, completely illegible, letters not formed correctly, not within lines/margins if it's on loose leaf paper - straight up looks like a 1st grader wrote it. And this [is] junior high...Sometimes I feel so frustrated at them not getting incredibly basic art concepts and techniques, such as copying a similar value/line/angle or whatever, then realize they can't even write a letter 'g 'correctly, and it makes sense."

handrwiting for kids, kids development "Their handwriting is…straight up looks like a 1st grader wrote it. And this [is] junior high."Photo credit: Canva

—u/_crassula_

11. "The maturity level has been reduced about three or four years since I started in 1990."—u/Felixsum

12. "As an English as a foreign language teacher, here's a positive one: the internet/phones/tablets have made English accessible for EVERYONE. "Even in countries like Egypt where the parents speak no English at all, I'm noticing their kids have a great base level just from playing on their phones. It's pretty cool! Even young kids know quite a bit now."

—u/Accomplished-War1971

13. "When I sub, I rarely see students reading books or drawing for fun (even in art class); they mostly use their laptops/phones to listen to videos or play games…But even more baffling are the ones who are told to put devices away [and] just sit in complete and total silence and do nothing but stare at the desk the entire class. They don't do worksheets, they don't do homework, they don't draw; nothing."—u/Seamilk90210

14. "Been teaching middle school for 12 years. Kids are now testing lower than ever. I’d say I have around 10-15 middle schoolers that are testing at a 1st-3rd grade level. Students also lack the ability to be resourceful and persevere. They give up the moment something gets too difficult."

why teachers quit "They give up the moment something gets too difficult."Photo credit: Canva

—u/TraditionalSteak687

15. "At the start of my career, on days leading up to and day of an assessment, my mornings would be absolutely devoured by students seeking extra help. Like, a full hour before the first bell I'd be circulating around answering questions and I would have to make a turn order and consolidate kids who had the same questions. Last three or so years? Absolutely silent. One kid might come in and ask me one question they didn't really need to ask and just want some reassurance."—u/enigma7x

…and let's end with a sweet one to remember it's not all terrible...

16. "28 years of experience... It's genuine kindness. Kids are so much more kind now than they were when I started in the '90s. They are so accepting of kids of different races, gender identities, [and] intellectual differences like autism. 'Accepting' isn't even a strong enough word. Kids [who] would be in such different social circles due to peer pressure in the '90s are friends now. I'm a straight white guy [who] was in high school in the '80s. I wish I was brave enough then to be as kind as kids are now.I have plenty of complaints about phone addiction or the inability to multiply 5x4 without a calculator, but this is the most kind generation of students I've ever taught." —u/scfoothills

This article originally appeared in August.

From Your Site Articles

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Joy

15 hard truths that once people accepted them, their lives got so much better

"Not all friendships last."

via Liza Summer/Pexels

A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.

The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.

4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

7. How we judge

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.

8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."

12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."

This article originally appeared in August.

From Your Site Articles

life lessons

Pop Culture

Wife worried her husband chose 'new friendship' over 'meaningful' Thanksgiving tradition

She admitted to being "caught off guard" when asked to reschedule a tradition six years in the making.

Photo credit: Canva

This is certainly not a black-and-white situation.

It can be really disheartening when our partner seems to not feel the same way about something we find sacred, especially when it comes to shared holiday traditions. After all, these moments only come around once a year, and do sort of lose their magic once broken.

This was the dilemma a woman recently found herself in when her husband asked to reschedule a cherished holiday tradition in order to go on a trip with a new friend. For the past six years, always the weekend before Thanksgiving, the couple would drive an hour away to a lakeside town to spend the day together, which would always end with picking out a new ornament for their Christmas tree.

holiday traditions Photo credit: Canva

As she explained in a Reddit post, this “very small but meaningful tradition” had become an incredibly special way to usher in the season. So when her husband nonchalantly brought up rescheduling it in favor of his friend trip, she was “caught off guard.”

At the same time, the situation wasn’t so black-and-white. The wife also shared that her husband “doesn’t make new friends easily,” and this was the first time in a long while that someone reached out to him like that. So, understandably, “he didn't want to let that slip away.” Genuine adult friendships are, after all, not the easiest to come by. And like all relationships, they need consistent effort.

But still, this didn’t exactly negate the hurt feelings the wife had. So when they sat down to talk about it, things got…messy. When her husband told her "it’s not a big deal for us to just go another weekend,” she felt like he was "minimizing something that's special to us.” Meanwhile, the husband was "frustrated” and thought his wife was “overreacting."

That conversation ended with the couple agreeing that the husband would indeed reschedule the trip with his friend. But since it seemed he was “disappointed” by that decision, the wife still wondered if she was simply “being stubborn about a little ritual that maybe only I care about as much as I do.” Hence why she sought advice on Reddit.

AITA for asking my husband to prioritize our family tradition over his new friendship?
byu/Miserable-Light-3444 inAmItheAsshole

After a few questioned why the trip between the two of them had to be on that specific weekend, the woman explained that "the timing feels like an integral part of the tradition itself,” which several folks could relate to.

“As someone who isn’t tied to a certain day to celebrate holidays (I’ve even had Christmas after New Years once) I can attest that moving around days sort of loses that sparkle of intentionality. It sort of feels like the magic spell that ties the tradition has been broken just a little bit, and then it becomes something that you have to schedule - and scheduling around calendars is always going to be a bit of a bitch. When you have a firm day it just sort of feels more secure and sacred.”

“My spouse and I aren’t big on holidays, so we often do this too. But I also find that the rescheduled Thanksgiving/Christmas/birthday/anniversary/whatever doesn’t have that same spark, and if we do all the trappings it basically just becomes extra work for no real reason. But without the trappings, it’s just another day.I do wonder if the fact that we move the holidays around, is what makes us feel ‘not really into them’ in the first place.”

“I personally feel very put out when something is planned and established and it gets moved, especially if the proposal is ‘non-disclosed different date’ because unless a new plan is made, I know it isn’t happening. Especially for traditions, it might seem small to miss it or move it for one year but to me that feels like a snowball for ‘well if we cancel this year then it won’t be seen as important next year because the streak was broken and the momentum lost and now I’ll have to fight for it to happen because people think the rules can be bent to their convenience.’ It’s happened to many, many events in my life.”

Others could definitely see why the wife might be hurt that her husband didn’t view the trip the same was as she did.

“"It's not just a random trip; it’s a tradition that’s been part of your marriage for six years. Asking him to prioritize something that’s meaningful to you isn’t being unreasonable — it’s about honoring the connection you share.”

Still, plenty more folks could see the husband’s side as well.

“It can be tough to make friends when we're adults, and this could be a missed opportunity to strengthen a new bond.”

“Making friends as an adult is hard and sometimes takes a tiny sacrifice in your personal life to build that foundation. I think if you can see it from that perspective, you can enjoy your tradition on a different day and he can build a new friendship that could potentially last a lifetime. I understand initially being upset as it's sentimental but I do think it's not as big of a deal as you viscerally felt.”

In the end, the couple had another talk to communicate a little deeper. “We both agreed we could have handled the conversation better and that neither of us wanted the other to feel like their feelings didn’t matter,” she wrote. Ultimately, having an open conversation about expectations, desires and compromise mended things quite well. They’d still keep the tradition as planned, and the friend trip would be moved to a few weeks later, but now with each partner feeling seen and heard.

We have a few semi-contradictory almost paradoxical truths here. One, traditions only remain traditions through repetition and commitment. However, with too much rigidity, those traditions turn into obligations, thus losing the spark they once had anyway. Two, making plans with adult friends does need to be a priority, but probably not at the expense of set in stone plans with your partner.

But, as with most things in relationships, these complex issues can be tackled with productive conversations. And luckily, these two seem to be mature adults willing to have those conversations.

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life

Pop Culture

Millennials nearing 40 are sharing their biggest mistakes so everyone can learn from them

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses.

via Pexels

Millennials are now old enough to seriously reflect on life.

It seems like only yesterday a millennial was a college kid that baby boomers chided for being entitled and Gen Xers thought were way too sincere and needed to learn how to take a joke. Today, the oldest millennials, those born around 1980, have hit their 40s and have lived long enough to have some serious regrets.

They also have enough experience to take some pride in decisions that, in hindsight, were the right moves. The good news is that at 40 there is still plenty of time to learn from our successes and failures to set ourselves up for a great second half of life. These lessons are also valuable to the Gen Zers coming up who can avoid the pitfalls of the older generation.

A Reddit user who has since deleted their profile asked millennials nearing 40 “what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?” and they received more than 2,200 responses. The biggest regrets these millennials have are being flippant about their health and not saving enough money when they were younger.

They also realized that the carefree days of youth are fleeting and impossible to get back. So they should have spent less time working and more time enjoying themselves. Many also lamented that they should have taken their education more seriously in their 20s so they have more opportunities now.

The responses to this thread are bittersweet. It's tough hearing people come to grips with their regrets but the realizations are also opportunities to grow. Hopefully, some younger people will read this thread and take the advice to heart.

Here are 21 of the most powerful responses to the question: “Millennials of Reddit now nearing your 40s, what were your biggest mistakes at this point in life?”

1.

"Not taking care of my hearing, not even 35 and going deaf." — Kusanagi8811

2.

"Not getting healthy earlier." — zombiearchivist

3.

"Staying too long at a job in my 20s, just because it was safe and easy. When I finally got the motivation to leave, ended up with an almost 50% pay boost." — Hrekires

4.

"Thinking that I could and should put myself on the back burner for anything and anyone else." — lenalilly227

5.

"Smoking and not dealing with my shit the right way." — Allenrw3

6.

"Pining after the wrong person." — runikepisteme

7.

"I turned 40 this year and just started liking who I am. Why the fuck did it take 40 years for self acceptance?" — guscallee

8.

"Take care of your fucking back. Lift with your knees. Sure it's rad when you grab a fridge by yourself and lift it in the back of a moving truck unaided, but one day that shit is going to have consequences that won't just magically go away by resting and "taking it easy" for a week." — GuyTallman

9.

"I wish I spent more time with my dad while I had the chance." — CharlieChooper

10.

"I'm 37. I absolutely could have taken better care of my body, but I'm in relatively good health. I'm starting to realize how important it is to maintain my health. I do also think I drank far too much in my 20 and early 30's. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's hard. So that I guess." — dartastic

11.

"I'm not sure if people have experienced the same but when I entered my 30s I became convinced I was rapidly running out of time. Rather than using that as motivation I let it paralyze me with indecision because I "couldn't afford to make the wrong choice." Consequently, I'm now 39 and, though I've had great things happen in my 30s, I regret spending so much time worrying and so little time committing to a course of action." — tomwaste

12.

"Work to live, don’t live to work. You have half your working life after you turn 40 but only 20-25 years to really live it up before the responsibilities become heavy and your joints start to ache. Live life. Really LIVE it. Experience as much you can. Every sensation, sight, sound, touch. Be open. Be brave. Live your first few decades in the fast lane. You have the rest of your life to take it easy, when you have no choice." — MrDundee666

13.

"I should have paid more attention to my parents telling me to save money and less attention when they were teaching me about purity culture." — Arkie_MTB

14.

"If I could tell my 18 year old self one thing, it would be to save 10% of every paycheck I ever got." — PutAForkInHim

15.

"Thinking that I have time to do everything I want only to find myself loosing time, and the endless energy I used to have in order to purse them." — ezZiioFTW

16.

"Not wearing sunscreen." — blueboxreddress

17.

"Not recognizing the importance of work/life balance earlier in life. My late teens, all 20's, and early 30's were spent pulling 60-100+hr weeks because I thought it was what was required to succeed. How wrong I was. Others stabbed me in the back and reaped the reward.

1.) Putting work first for too long. Work is my #1 priority during work hours now. After quitting time, I don't think about it (much) anymore. I don't vent to my wife or friends about it anymore either.

2.) Investing more into fast cars than solid long-term investments. Sure, it was fun, but I could have made bookoos more had I put that towards less-fun investments.

3.) Not using PTO and just waiting for the payout. All those years, missed. I'm in my mid 30's and I didn't actually have a real vacation until 3 years ago.

4.) Not realizing that "the good guy" often loses. Just because you're morally justified doesn't mean you're going to win. Just because there's a number to call doesn't mean anyone will actually help you. Just because "law" exists, doesn't mean people follow it, enforce it, or create justice. The world is dog eat dog and cynicism can be healthy in moderate doses." — [Deleted]

18.

"When you get out of college, keep your friends. No matter how hard it is. Hold on to them." — mpssss22

19.

"I imagine these are kinda universal:

Not getting fit and healthy
Assuming I'd be offered proper guidance on how to achieve my goals
Assuming higher education would help me achieve my goals
Spending far too long caring what people think
Not taking risks that might better my life when I was younger and had nothing to lose
Staying in relationships too long after they were clearly done." — katapultperson

20.

"Always ask for more pay. Starting, yearly, before leaving, whatever. Get that money." — SensibleReply

21.

"Spending too much time in front of a screen and not enough enjoying life." — BellaPadella

This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Men weigh in on the male equivalent of 'women's clothes don't have pockets'

"Why can’t I get a health/hygiene product that isn’t labeled something like 'grizzly bear fist fight sleep strips for tough men'?"

Photo credit: Canva

""Women’s products smell like things while men’s products smell like concepts."

Few moments make a woman's face light up than the moment she realizes a dress she's trying on has pockets. It's such a simple thing, but it's like a whole world of possibilities opens up as soon as she slides her hands into those pockets and spins.

That's because women's clothes of all kinds so often don't have pockets. Even pants that look like they have pockets don't actually have pockets half the time, or the pocket is so tiny you can't even squeeze a quarter into it. And there's no real reason for this baffling reality for women—but is there an equivalent complaint for men?

Men were asked to weigh in on the male equivalent of "Why do women's clothes not come with pockets?" and a surprising number weighed in.

Why do men's products have vague, hyper-masculine names?

If something is made for men, it can't just be named what it is. It has to be over-the-top manly sounding.

"Why can’t I get a health/hygiene product that isn’t labeled something like 'grizzly bear fist fight sleep strips for tough men'?"

"'Dude Wipes' that cost double what a generic wet wipe costs. I don't get how anyone justifies that kind of wasteful spending these days."

"Strongman Righteous Fury Personal Cleansing Wipes."

"Right?! What focus group decided I wanted to smell like a bear's leather glove? Why is the bear wearing gloves to begin with? Was it going to do crime? I'm really not the criming type."

"Women’s products smell like things while men’s products smell like concepts."

via GIPHY

"You mean you don't want to, 'smell like naval diplomacy'?"

"Yeah it's annoying. Soap marketed for women usually has what it smells like right on the bottle, while soap for men do not. When the bottle says 'XTREME ARCTIC SPORT' or 'HYDRA ENERGETIC' I have no idea what to expect."

"I use Old Spice 'Fiji and palm tree.' No idea what either of those smell like in real life, but at least the words resemble actual smells."

Why is men's formal wear oh-so-hot?

Not the good kind of hot—the sweating-at-a-wedding kind of hot.

"Men’s formal wear is really hot. Like if we go to a fancy wedding in the summer, I’m in a suit and tie, my wife is in a tiny dress."

"Was in an August wedding, 30+ celsius outside, bride wanted all the groom's party in wool suits. That day was hell."

"Yep. Undershirt, then dress shirt, then vest, then suit jacket."

"it really sucks at summer funerals. at least at a wedding its not like super rude to take your jacket off and roll your sleeves up."

"It's not just formal wear. Men don't have any short clothes that are 'acceptable' as more than casual wear. In offices, women can wear skirts when it's hot out. Men have no equivalent - they just have to sit there sweating with pants on."

via GIPHY

"Women like it warm but their formal clothes are skimpy.

Men like it cool but their formal clothes have many layers.

Seems like it should be the other way around. Suit jackets and tuxedos for women, sheer dresses for men."

Why such a lack of variety in men's clothing overall?

Women seem to have infinite choices when it comes to style, color, etc. Men's fashion is much more limited, both in variety and quantity.

"The lack of variety for mens clothing in stores. Women's clothing will fill up 90% of the store while men get a tiny closed off section like here ya go guys"

"In the back of the store, next to the clearance aisle and the bathrooms."

"If the shop has multiple floors, it's always the one furthest from the ground floor. Usually the men's section also has to share the floor with the kid's and home decor sections!"

via GIPHY

"For some reason, I always seem to find the men's section right next to shoes, which is usually 90% women's shoes. And the women's shoe section is still larger than the entire men's clothing section."

"Also in gym clothes. I feel like women has a vast variety in all kinds of colors and patterns that look amazing.

Men can pick between black, gray, navy blue, and white. And definitely no patterns at all."

"Sometimes there is green. Also, there might be both light gray and dark gray."

Why do clothing manufacturers assume men grow out as they grow up?

People come in all sizes regardless of gender, but since men's clothing styles are more limited, their sizing issues are notable.

"Stores assuming that if you're over 6 feet tall, you must also be 6 feet wide."

"This is the bane of my existence. Especially for work uniforms. If I go medium-sized shirt, it's way too small. If I get a large, then it looks like I'm wearing a parachute."

"Men's shirts get wider with each size but not longer."

"Similarly, if your shoulders are wider, your gut must be bigger."

via GIPHY

"And the sleeve length to size ratio is all over the place. Trying shirt on and it's a little snug and the cuffs are in the middle of your forearms. Go up a size and the torso fits but the sleeves dangle at your knees... or they still don't reach your wrists."

"Yes. The men’s shirt paradox.

-Long enough

- Wide enough

- Sleeves/cuffs the correct length

(Pick any 2, but you never get all 3)."

Men added other things as well, such as jewelry options for men being boring, men's dress shoes having zero traction whatsoever (same goes for women's dress shoes, to be fair), men's bathrooms not coming with changing tables, and how annoying non-elongated toilets are. Women have far more things than "clothes without pockets" they could add to a list as well, which just highlights how hilariously absurd some of these gender-based constructs are.

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