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Learning

How do you know someone is very smart? Here are 15 'subtle signs' others notice.

"You can understand both sides of an issue and still think one is wrong."

Steve Jobs shows off iPhone 4 at the 2010 Worldwide Developers Conference.

There is a big difference in how highly intelligent people communicate versus those with smaller IQs. A Redditor named Occyz wanted to know how people tell the difference by asking them to share the “subtle” signs that someone is very intelligent.

The question was a big hit on the forum, receiving over 4,000 responses.

A big takeaway is people think highly intelligent people are mentally flexible. They are always interested in learning more about a topic, open to changing their minds when they learn new information, and they're acutely aware of what they don’t know.

In fact, according to the psychological principle known as the Dunning-Krueger effect, there is a big confidence chasm between highly intelligent people and those who are not. Low-IQ people often overestimate what they know about topics they need to familiarize themselves with. Conversely, people with high IQs underestimate their knowledge of subjects in which they are well-versed.

Here are 15 “subtle” signs that someone is highly intelligent.

1. They admit their mistakes

"When someone can admit a mistake and they know they don’t know everything."

2. Great problem-solvers

"They're very good at problem-solving. Even if it's something they have no experience with they always approach the problem from the right angle."

3. They appreciate nuance

"'I can hold two opposing ideas in my head at the same time.' Anyone who is willing to do that is intriguing to me. Especially with polarizing issues. They might actually be interesting to talk to."


woman, thoughtful, problem solver, intelligence, learning, studyIntelligent people tend to be thoughtful. Image via Canva.

4. They say 'I don't know'

"I like to call it being smart enough to know how stupid you are."

"100% this. I have a good friend who is a teaching professor at Cambridge. He is acutely aware of how ‘little’ he knows about areas outside his specialization."

5. They have self-doubt

"They struggle with imposter syndrome. Dumb people always think they’re [great]."

"It can happen but I’ve met plenty who don’t really doubt themselves. Instead, they take not knowing or not having any experience as an opportunity, just like people go down interesting internet rabbit holes. Really smart people can view mistakes as opportunities for growth and inexperience as an opportunity to gather new experiences."

The great American poet and novelist Charles Bukowski once wrote, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence,” and according to science, he’s correct.

“Ignorance is associated with exaggerated confidence in one’s abilities, whereas experts are unduly tentative about their performance,” Stephan Lewandowsky, Chair of Cognitive Psychology at the University of Bristol, writes for the World Economic Forum. “This basic finding has been replicated numerous times in many different circumstances. There is very little doubt about its status as a fundamental aspect of human behavior.”

6. They ask questions

"They are ok with being perceived as 'stupid' by asking questions — if we hold back in fear, we'll never truly learn. Plus, it's a good way to show others it's ok to question things if you don't understand — better off if we're on the same page instead of hoping things work out without being informed."


curiosity, asking questions, intelligent people, thoughtfulIt's okay to ask questions because that's how we learn!Image via Canva.

7. They love a challenge

"They feel challenged rather than threatened by new things, problems, ideas..."

"'I don't know' is the beginning of a puzzle, not the conclusion."

8. They know their audience

"They can adapt their communication style — vocabulary, tone, content, etc — to fit the situation and people they’re talking to, and it seems completely natural."

"It's a bit past code-switching, though code-switching is a part of it. Being able to explain complex thoughts in simpler terms based on audience demonstrates your understanding. If the only people who can understand you are fellow people with the same educational exposure as you, you just have knowledge, not intelligence."

9. They can simplify big ideas

"I consider someone intelligent if they're able to explain something incredibly complicated in simpler and more readily understood terms."

"Fantastic teachers can make learning nearly effortless."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

10. They listen to people they disagree with

"Someone who can understand someone’s opposing view without having to agree with it or get angry over it."

11. They're humble

"They don't continually need to tell people how intelligent they are."

"At a certain point, they realize they are smarter at certain things than other people, but they understand the importance of being humble."

12. They take a moment

"They pause to think about a novel question instead of instantly blurting out an answer. Sometimes people think it means they've been 'stumped' and claim victory. No, they're thinking, analyzing, and formulating a reply."

This idea is backed up by science. A study published by IFL Science found that people who score high on intelligence tests answer easy questions quickly. However, they spend more time on complex questions than their less intelligent peers. They have the intelligence to wait until their entire brain has grappled with a problem before answering.

"In more challenging tasks, you have to store previous progress in working memory while you explore other solution paths and then integrate these into each other,” said lead author Professor Michael Schirner. “This gathering of evidence for a particular solution may sometimes take longer, but it also leads to better results.”

thoughtful, thinking, moment, consideration, solutionVeggie Tales Thinking GIFGiphy

13. They're well-spoken

"I usually find that creativity, humor, and verbal acuity are good signs of intelligence. I generally see lack of empathy, low openness, and seeing the world in absolutes as signs of low intelligence."

14. Dry sense of humor

"Pulling it off requires an observant, quick wit with a nonchalant delivery that almost downplays its own cleverness. Like it means their immediate passing thoughts are often profound enough to be very funny without any real effort."

15. They are great storytellers

"They craft narratives for themselves and for others that are compelling, that make the world make sense, that invigorate and install a goal, a mission."


This article originally appeared last year.

Family

A 7-year-old asked to do more chores for the most adorable and heartbreaking reason

Dad figured "he wanted more Lego or something." Dad was wrong.

Canva Photos

Kids will act out in interesting ways when they want more attention.

Humans rarely say exactly what they mean or feel. With kids it's even moreso. They don't have the words and wisdom and experience to express the complicated emotions they might be feeling. So they reach out, or sometimes act out, in other ways.

Getting in trouble at school, not eating enough, throwing tantrums. Those are the tried-and-true classics. But sometimes kids show other, more unusual signs that they want or need something.

That might be what happened to one dad, who said his 7-year-old son recently came to him with a strange request: He wanted to do more chores.


kids, chores, cleaning, household, hygiene, parenting, dads, fatherhoodWhat kid would sign up for more chores?!Canva Photos

Yes, that's right, more chores. What kind of kid asks for more chores? The dad took his story to social media in a post on r/Daddit:

"I work a lot, and don't see my 3 kids that much during the week. I usually take them on fun amazing adventures on weekends in order to make up for it.

"Today my son said he wanted to do [chores[ to earn some money. I figured he wanted more Lego or something. He was talking to me more and he said he wanted to give me all the money he earns so I don't have to go to work anymore.

"It's really cute and heart melting, and also makes me feel like I'm a bad dad because him and his sisters don't get to spend enough time with me. Also I'm having trouble making him realize that all the money he gets from 'chores' comes out of what I make at work, so no matter how hard he works it would just make me go back to where I was beforehand."

It's so innocent and hilarious that the kid doesn't realize when he gets paid for doing chores, it comes from his dad's wallet, thus defeating the entire purpose. But it's a beautiful sentiment and the kind of thing that wrecks parents emotionally, both positively and negatively.

Fellow dads had a mixed, but emotional, response.

parenting, dads, fatherhood, men, mens health, mental health, kidsHow it feels to be a working parentGiphy

Some urged the original poster that his son was crying out for more attention, and that he'd regret not heeding the call:

"Id rather live just getting by and spending a ton of time with my toddlers, than working 60+ hours a week and never seeing them. Time is fleeting ... Take those 10 years and work a little less, come home early a couple days a week. Use your PTO. you'll regret missing their childhood."

"Obligatory Daddit-PSA: 'The only people who will remember you worked late are your children'"

"Here’s some tough love for you ... I don’t know your financial situation or occupation or even how many hours you work. Your kiddos basically throwing out a plead to spend more time with him, and probably the other 2 as well."

"Your son misses you. Hang out with him and your other kids, even if you're all doing chores together."

Others offered a supportive pat on the back for working hard to provide:

"That’s a punch in the gut. You’re not a bad dad just because you are working. (Unless you’re not spending time with them when you’re not working). Make sure he knows you love him and be grateful for his wanting to give you a gift. Then make some special time for him and try to give him regular, predictable amounts of your time."

"OP: You’re doing great - this means your kids want to spend time with you. My oldest had a sentiment like this after my wife was forced to stop working - she wanted to help."

"Hot take - but I think you’re killing it. He’ll see this very differently when he’s older, retrospectively. You’re doing what dads gotta do sometimes and getting bread. He’ll respect you for it."

There's a running theme of frustration among modern dads. We're trying to fill multiple roles, both the classic provider/protector role that our fathers and grandfathers played, but also a more nurturing and involved role in our children's lives.


fatherhood, men, dads, parenting, parenthood, children, kids, familyUnfortunately, modern fatherhood isn't all frolicking on the beach Photo by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash

Dads are spending more time with their kids than ever, not content to sit on the sidelines for doctor's visits and playdates and day-to-day care. They're also working more than ever. Yes, technically working hours have been on a downward trend since the industrial revolution, but the data fails to account for lengthy commutes and the "always on" nature of many modern jobs. I don't know many parents who don't frequently catch up on work at night or respond to emails during family dinner time.

You don't have to have a Phd to see that the math doesn't math — there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all.

For what it's worth, moms are facing a similar but even more extreme struggle. It's why parents are in big trouble according to the Surgeon General. Unfortunately, there's no easy answer. Dads like the original poster of this thread need to earn money and hold onto benefits like healthcare for their families. But their kids need them, too. For now, we're all just doing our best to try to do it all.

Images via Max/Curb Your Enthusiasm and Canva

Larry David looks at a couple breaking up

If there's one thing we know about comedian Larry David, it's that he tells it like it is. Well, at least like it "is" according to Larry. Having co-created Seinfeld (with Jerry Seinfeld), it was often rumored that Larry was represented through both lovably grumpy characters, Jerry and George. Things just seemed to happen to these guys, and while George would usually get easily agitated, Jerry was the embodiment of a shrug emoji.

Later, when Larry created Curb Your Enthusiasm for HBO, he leaned into the character even more, finding himself in hilarious situations with very little empathetic attachment. And because he was so true to that character, both in its writing and performance, a lot of people simply love him for it.

In a delightful Instagram Reel on The Seinfeld Addict page, Larry goes on Jimmy Kimmel Live and among many anecdotes, reveals what he believes to be his best quality: how he deals with breakups.

Larry tells him matter-of-factly, "I think my best quality is - I'm a great person to break up with." Jimmy laughs, while Larry reiterates, "Fantastic. So fantastic."

He goes on, "There's no histrionics. There's no scene. Ya know, everybody's afraid to say it. 'Larry, I'm so sorry, I just don't think we should see each other anymore.'" Larry then shows Jimmy how he reacts, cheerily exclaiming, "Oh! Really? Okay, that's good!" To which Jimmy asks, "That's your best quality?"

This conjured up Seinfeld memories in the comment section. "One of the best scenes in Seinfeld ever. 'Oh. That's okay. I'll meet someone else.'" Of course, they're referring to the "Even Steven breakup," where a woman dumps Jerry at the coffee shop and he's unbothered, to say the least. So much so that as he pays the bill, he earnestly says, "Anyway, it's been really nice dating you for a while. Good luck!"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

This is in stark contrast to another famous Seinfeld episode, wherein Elaine must face the "Bad Breaker-Upper." She explains to Jerry, "He says the mean things you don't mean, but he means 'em." (Boy did he ever!)

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Handling breakups is quite the topic on Reddit, with countless threads dedicated to it. In the subreddit r/datingoverthirty, one person posed, "What would you want to hear during a breakup?" There were nearly 200 answers.

This Redditor shares, "Acknowledgment of the fact that it sucks and that it must be difficult for me, and that I'm allowed to feel whatever I feel. No excuses, no 'I'm letting you down gently so you're not allowed to blame me,' no 'you're so great I'm sure you will find someone that will make you happy.' Just the facts, an apology, and accepting that he may dislike you for a bit for hurting him."

And this one just wanted their meat back. "One thing I like is if a woman is going to break up with me, she brings me my stuff that I left at her place. One time, a woman broke up with me, but before that, I bought these t-bone steaks and left them in her freezer. She brought the steaks back (and also my books), and so it sucked that I didn't have a girlfriend anymore, but it was okay because I had a couple of steaks."

Break Up GIF by Studios 2016Giphy

Sometimes we can't all be as cool-headed as Jerry and Larry seem to be. In the article, "How to Respond Maturely, and the Benefits of Responding Positively, When Someone Breaks Up With You" by Alianess Benny Njuguna, twelve suggestions for handling a breakup are given. These include self-soothing, not trying to change their mind, listening, and perhaps one we often forget: forgiveness. "Eventually, find forgiveness for them in your heart. It's difficult, and it may even seem impossible right now, but holding a grudge against them will only hurt you in the end and keep you from having positive dating experiences."

Humor

People are sharing their favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes, 20 years after his passing

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

Comedian Mitch Hedberg

It will have been twenty years this month since comedian Mitch Hedberg passed at the age of 37, and he's still revered by many as one of the best stand-up comics who ever lived. He had a delivery unlike any other. A combo of styles that was pieced together in such a specific way that no one could quite replicate it. Sometimes it was one-liners, sometimes not—but it was always observations about life from a mind that refused to think "inside the box."

In honor of his one-of-a-kind absurdity, fans online are sharing their favorite Hedberg jokes, plus telling stories about the few lucky times they saw him perform.

Across two Reddit threads, both entitled "What's your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke?," fans were eager to share their answers

@johnny5comedyisalive

What's your favorite dwelling cheese? #mitchhedberg #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #fyp #fypcomedy

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There were the shorter jokes:

"I’m highly opposed to picketing, but I don’t know how to show it."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

"Dogs are always in the pushup position."

And then the longer premises with twists. (Some are performed differently than Reddit fans remember.)

Map Safety

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.”

My house, my choice

"I bought a two-bedroom house, but it's my choice how many bedrooms there are, isn't it? This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that guy's house."

Prove your donut

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"I bought a donut. They gave me the donut and a receipt. I said, "Whoa, man, there is no need to bring ink and paper into this transaction. I give you the 50 cents, you give me the donut." I can't fathom a situation where I have to prove I bought this donut. A skeptical friend asks, "Is that your donut?" And I say, "Yeah, and I got the documentation to prove it. No wait, it's at home in the file, under D for donut."

Koala scatter

"My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I do not want them to. I'm like, 'Hey… Hold on, fellas… Let me hold one of you and feed you a leaf.'"

Who can eat at a time like this?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy, so they start a waiting list, they say, 'Dufrene, party of two, table ready for Dufrene, party of two.' And if no one answers, they’ll say the name again: 'Dufrene, party of two.' But then if no one answers, they’ll move on to the next name. 'Bush, party of three.' Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry."

Of course, people didn't just relay the jokes. They talked about why the jokes worked and how Mitch would deal with one that bombed. One Redditor points out, "Even jokes that bombed were hilarious... 'Cause then he'd be like, 'Oh, that didn't work? I'm going to take all those words out and replace them with new words. That joke will be fixed.'"

The OP of the thread later revealed, in part, "The fact that all you guys know all these Mitch jokes means he was obviously an awesome Force, even though he died. And many stand-ups still talk about him fondly. He really had a different thing. He was up there with Steven Wright, and probably followed by Demetri Martin... just a fantastic style."

comedy, show, stand up, improv, stageblack and gray microphone on black stand Photo by Matthias Wagner on Unsplash


On the thread, "Almost 20 years since Mitch's death," this commenter shared, "I got to see Mitch at the DC Improv while I was a freshman or sophomore in college. A couple of years later (2005) he was coming back in town and I had tickets. I remember getting on the computer in the library to make sure the show was still happening. I saw the news that he had passed away, and like other people, I thought it was an April Fools joke."

This fan sums it up perfectly, paraphrasing one of Mitch's most recited jokes: "I used to be a fan, I still am, but I used to be too."