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20 cute things couples do in secret because it would 'shock' anyone else who saw them

Apparently speaking in animal sounds is a forgotten love language.

Letting out your inner weirdo is an admirable relationship tier.

At some point in a long-term relationship—especially after you’re living together—there comes a time when all pretense is laid to the wayside. When regular closeness and new levels of comfortability allow both partners to really let out their fun, playful, messy, immature, and perhaps even a bit feral side that would otherwise stay dormant or hidden.

If you’re currently in a long term relationship and wonder if other couples are as weird with one another behind closed doors as you are, read on. Recently someone asked partners:

“What’s something you do in private that’s completely normal for you, but would probably shock your friends?”

Judging by these super cute, sweet, interesting, and ultimately very relatable answers, we can probably all assume that being weirdos is actually a sign of a very healthy relationship…even if we wouldn’t dare let anyone else see us that way.

Tons of couples shared about having their own language of sorts, especially those that involve animal sounds, apparently…

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”Photo credit: Canva

“We have full conversations in ridiculous accents and once spent a whole day arguing in pirate voice without breaking character.”

“Sometimes we’ll be in different parts of the house and she’ll bark, and I’ll bark back and we’ll bark at each other for about 10 seconds before it goes back to silence, with no discussion involved.If we’re in the same room sometimes she’ll make a bark noise and I’ll look at her like HEY, no, shake finger this is a safe space.”

“My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”

“My ex and I would meow at each other. We’d have full non verbal conversations with each other by meowing.”

“My partner and I hiss at each other. A lot.I had a good laugh at my partner's expense last week, when he told me that he accidentally hissed at a coworker and had to explain why. He hissed at me in response, of course. As is the custom.”

“We have a hand signal for when we want to leave a social situation. Sometimes we’ll give it to each other from across the room or if it’s too obvious, the person who wants to leave will hold the other persons hand and do the signal inside their palm.Also, we regularly will pick food from a menu while out to dinner based on the knowledge that We will be swapping plates half way through lol”

And of course, many couples reported seeing the occasional jab as a way of saying “I love you…dummy.”

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “Our love language is roasting and insulting each other."Photo credit: Canva

“We get mean but try to be silly about it, but we KNOW we're joking. It would actually upset our oldest who has autism. He couldn't tell we were joking and we'd need to stop and reassure him. Eventually he got in on the joke and he'd start saying things like ‘guys! Not in front of my beef stew!’ Or whatever he had or was eating/doing.”

“Our love language is roasting and insulting each other. We have our own boundaries we don’t ever cross, but the very few times we’ve let it slip in front of others they’re always pretty shocked at how we speak.”

Others noted how physical intimacy now involved play, laughter, and a certain comfort with what might be considered a tad gross elsewhere. We’re not talking about sex here, but about the familiarity that comes from being in proximity over a long period of time.

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy "It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”Photo credit: Canva

“Fake wrestling before sleeping. We know for a fact I can't overpower him but it's a question of whether my flexibility can beat his strength. I always try to poke his butt with my big toe to defeat him.”

“We shower together, and afterwards she rubs lotion on me. It actually started because her sister said men don't know how to lotion, so I told her to show me. It's not sexual really, just quality time together.”

“A friend of ours pointed out that I had taken a slightly long route through the living room so I could lightly rub my fingertips across my GF's back as I walked by, the friend thought it was odd. I said I just wanted to let my GF know I was there…I have no real answer for it. It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”

“She’ll spend up to an hour combing my entire body for white heads, black heads, and anything poppable on my skin, popping them. She enjoys it so much that I've had to remind her to slow down as she'll accidentally cut me with her nails.”

“We race to slap the other on the ass after sex and declare ‘good game.’”

The really sweet stuff came from couples who found little bonding rituals even within the mundane, and those who could actually claim their SO as their BFF. Sure, we might not want a romantic partner to be our end-all, be-all person. But at the same time, time and time again we see that the most successful couples are those who truly are friends.

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy "Hubs and I do everything together as a team."Photo credit: Canva

“We cook a big artichoke for each of us in a pressure cooker and we add butter and lemon and we sit in bed and binge watch TV shows while eating our artichokes in silence. This is kind of our decompression routine that we do after stressful work days or busy weeks. It's really nice.”

“We read out loud to each other at night- short stories, magazine articles but usually longer books - historical fiction or even non fiction.”

“We have an imaginary roommate whom we blame for all the bad stuff (dishes left in sink, laundry on floor etc) instead of arguing about it with each other.”

“I was teased recently because hubs and I do everything together as a team. We grocery shop together, if a pipe breaks we work to fix it together, we do housework together. Not as a dependency, we just generally like being around each other and adulting is way more fun together than solo.”

“I like to grocery shop with my wife. We get chicken nuggets from the hot bar afterwards. 😀”

But by and large, the most common “shocking” thing that couples did was sleeping in separate beds. Which is kind of wild, given all the research we have indicating that it really does offer plenty of health benefits. If you’re still having reservations, take a peek at some of this anecdotal evidence below.

 ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack."Photo credit: Canva

“We do this. Everyone is happier. We sleep better which equates to less crankiness. We will have a ‘sleep over’ on weekends when we don't have to be up for work. We'll also snuggle in the morning if we both are up in time. It's a great set up.”

“Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack. It also gives you independent space to retreat to, and you get to decorate your own space. We found it does not at all reduce intimacy. In fact it can increase it. But let me tell you. The judgement for this. Damn.”

Bottom line: everyone is weird. And maybe part of finding love is finding someone who lets you be your weirdest, most authentic self. If you have found that person, congrats, and take comfort in know that when no one is watching, other couples are out there being just as silly and carefree. What a beautiful thing.

Canva

Two friends hug. A friendship necklace breaks.

We so often talk about breakups in terms of romantic relationships and often forget the painful aspect of friendship splits. They happen and they can hurt. But what if we could reframe our thinking about them as, albeit hurtful, an actually positive opportunity to open up a little space for something that's a better fit?

There are times when an attempt to salvage a friendship is advised. Charley Burlock warns in an article "Should You Really Break Up with That Friend?" for Oprah Daily against the viral trend of cutting people off too quickly. "Opting not to work on—or even formally end—friendships has, in recent years, been widely rebranded as a wellness imperative: a means of 'protecting your peace,' 'respecting your self-worth,' or 'cutting out toxic people.'"

Burlock instead suggests kindness first. Citing author, podcaster, and 'friendship coach' Danielle Bayard Jackson, Burlock writes, "Rather than ghosting a friend when the going gets tough, make an effort to communicate with respect and kindness. The first line of friendship defense should always be a candid conversation, Jackson says—one free from therapy-speak and corporate buzzwords. 'If I've been holding your hair back in the bathroom, I know all your business. I cannot suddenly talk to you like HR—it’s cold, impersonal. And it feels really, really hurtful.'"

  Mel Robbins, Danielle Bayard Jackson  www.youtube.com  

And sometimes you just need to shift your expectations of the friendship. Burlock shares, "If after a conversation (or, ideally, a few), your friend is still not meeting your needs, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed. Rather than questioning whether a friend belongs in your life, it may be worth wondering if they belong in the role you have assigned them. If you have a friend who disappears when you’re struggling but who is a blast on a night out, you might want to find someone else to call when you need an emotional rock and reach out to her when booking a trip to Cancun."

That said, sometimes it's just time to move on. Maryjane Fahey, who operates the @gloriousbroads Instagram account, spoke for @flowspace about friendships, giving a wonderful spin on getting broken up with late in life. She shares, "Someone dumped me, a friend of 35 years. And she dumped me over Instagram with a message that was unclear. And it was so hard. I mean, that's hard—losing a girlfriend, is it not?" She turns to the audience, "Anybody lose a girlfriend? It's a $%^ch. So I didn't understand why this happened."

"And I was addicted to the podcast called Everything is Fine. And they happened to have a counselor talking about getting over women friendships. And she gave such a wonderful analysis: If you walk into a room and you see this woman, whom you had been friends with for 35 years, would you be attracted to her as you are now? And I realized, 'No, I wouldn't have been.'"

What she says next is key and involves the idea that we don't always get to choose our friends as children. But as adults, we do. "The friends I have now are edited friends and I picked them from all over. Their ages range. And yes, you absolutely can have friends, new friends—post 50, 60, 70 and 80!"

 friendship, school friends, playground, old friends Two school friends hug.   commons.wikimedia.org  

It's quite a popular topic on Reddit these days too. In the subreddit r/AskWomenOver30, someone asks, "Friendship breakups. Is it normal?" In part, this Redditor writes, "I decided I didn’t want the friendship anymore. I’ve realised as I’ve gotten older I’m less willing to tolerate this kind of BS and piss-taking. But I feel guilt and like I’m abnormal for cutting ties. Have others found they’ve broken up with / become more distant from friends as you head into your 30s?"

 friendship, broken, breaking up with friends, trust Kristen Wiig in a scene from Bridesmaids.   Giphy Apatow Productions 

There are over 100 comments. One writes emphatically, "First of all, I'm not sure this person was a friend in the first place, respectfully. Someone that talks down to you all the time and doesn't support you isn't someone to keep in your life, so kudos for doing the hard thing and cutting this person out!

Second, I've experienced friend breakups and also growing distant from friends as I've gotten older more as time went on. It isn't always a bad thing to have happen; most of the time it's because interests change, we move away from where we met, or something mundane like that. I want nothing but the best for those people and cherish the fond memories."

Another points out the popular notion of curating our friendships to keep only those who "spark joy" (in the words of Marie Kondo). "Yes this is normal. I'm starting to think my 30s is my Marie Kondo era for friendships and relationships. Less is more. Quality over quantity. Your tolerance level is not the same as it was a few years ago, let alone 10 years ago."

And this comment eloquently cuts to the chase: "My dad always told me, 'Don’t spend time with people who make you crazy.'"

 

Internet

10 corporate secrets to moving up quickly in your career—while others don’t

“Knowing how to play the game is an extremely valuable skill.”

Why do some people shoot up to manager positions while others stay behind?

Following the smashing television sensation, Succession, and later, Industry, it’s no surprise that everyone is clamoring for their way up the corporate ladder. However, real life is nothing like the glossy—albeit, depressing—floors of Waystar Royco; in the real world there are evil bosses, annoying coworkers, and pesky KPIs that need to be dealt with, leaving many workers wondering, “Is this really what I signed up for?”

That’s at the heart of this question posted to r/careerguidance on Reddit, anyway. User @Ok-Living5146 asked, “What is the secret to some people moving up fast in their careers while others don’t?”

They added some context, writing, “I’ve been in the same ‘level’ of job for years, and it has been frustrating watching people with less experience or less education soar up into these big roles. I’ll often see Directors who have less education or years in the field than I do, or people who randomly shoot up into manager positions or even higher. What exactly is the secret?”

Reddit, as it frequently does, responded in droves. We’ve compiled 10 of the best advice nuggets, below.


 team, corporate, business, meeting, skills How much does "being good and looking tall" matter in a corporate setting?Photo credit: Canva

 

“Charisma, communication skills…”

 

For @fortyeightD, success in a corporate context looks an awful like a grocery shopping list. The user rattles off different attributes to succeeding at work, writing:

“Charisma. Communication skills. Building rapport with the right people. Being good and looking tall. Confidence. Ability to make a decision under pressure. Public speaking skills. Being someone who others respect and look up to. Good grooming and dress sense and hygiene. Being reliable. Being positive and not complaining. Sharing the CEO’s LinkedIn posts. Sucking up. Matching the manager’s biases/preferences for age/race/religion/gender. Giving the appearance of going above and beyond for the company. Nepotism. Attending all social functions and chatting to senior leaders and telling them their ideas are brilliant. Taking on extra responsibilities like joining committees. Working on high-visibility projects. Being the spokesperson in any group situation.”

They also added,

“Record metrics for anything that you work on, so you can tell your manager hard numbers about how you have improved things. For example customer satisfaction, reducing expenses, increasing sales, reducing tickets, etc.”

Easy, right?

Another person jokingly replied, “Yea, I’m not moving up.”



“Be the squeaky wheel”

 

User @Deep-Library-8041 shared a great anecdote:

“Only thing I’d add is being vocal about career goals and wanting to move up. I was on a small team of three—me and another person with the same title, plus our manager. After getting settled into the role, in our 1:1’s I shared my career goals and asked for help getting there. So over the course of three years she introduced me to people; when an opportunity popped up she put me forward, supported me when I had new ideas, etc. And at each annual review, I put a lot of effort into showing evidence of my growth, ambition, and results.

My colleague stayed silent. She never spoke up, tried to gain visibility, said no to new projects, etc. I know she’s resentful, but people aren’t mind readers. Be the squeaky wheel—know what you want and ask to be coached how to get there.”

Another prescient commenter added,

“Sounds like you had an excellent manager.”

To which, @Deep-Library-8041 replied, “Yes—should edit to add that you need a supportive manager to make this happen!”

 

“An ongoing problem with yes-men…”

 

This one unfolded like a duet, told in two parts. The first, from @billsil, who wrote:

“I asked my friend who was in a VP level role at 27. She told me she knew the product top to bottom better than anyone because she had done such a variety of things on it. The CEO trusted her to tell her the truth, which was an ongoing problem of yes-men.

She had quite the target on her back and dealt with a lot of shit from other people, but she only took shots at people who deserved it. Having dealt with them, I was happy someone could put them in their place.”


 team, corporate, business, meeting, skills If you find a company that values your contributions, you will know. Photo credit: Canva

Then, @tennisgoddes1 replied,

“Spot on for generally any company. If you work at a good company that values your contributions and leadership skills, you will know immediately if you are at one of those companies because your skills will be recognized. Respect for your input and experience will be given. It’s quite refreshing.”

 

“You do not progress simply because you are good at your work”

 

A dose of reality, shared by @senpai07373:

“You need to realize one important thing. You do not progress simply because you are good at your work, and you work for many years. If you want to progress, you have to show that you have skills needed to level up job. You can be the most brilliant specialist with 15 years of experience, yet you still might not have the capacity to be manager, not to mention director. Being great at your work can and should give your bonus, can and should get you a raise. But just being great at your work is not the most important thing when you look for progress.”


 

“Knowing how to play the game…”

 

Some career coaching, courtesy of @throwawayOnTheWayO (who seems like they read Machiavelli’s The Prince or The Art of War a few hundred times):

“Knowing how to play the game is an extremely valuable skill, the most valuable skill, in fact.

No one cares how long you’ve worked at a company. Why would they? If someone came in and was able to learn in 1 year everything that you did in your 5 years, then more power to them. The state of the company right now is probably nothing like it was 5 years ago, and leadership’s plans for the future may include not wanting anything from the past to keep it down.

Companies that grow and make money do so because of smart decisions by competent leadership. They don’t just happen to make money and happen to stay in business for years or decades on dumb luck. It is not easy to keep a company up and running. Once you recognize that most leaders are actually competent and are dealing with numerous variables that you have no knowledge or understanding of, then you can drop your cynicism and start to move up.

Leadership requires effective social skills and the ability to navigate hierarchies, in addition to the skills necessary to handle the day to day of the job.”

 

“Career movement itself is a skill”

 

User @Momjamoms offered some wisdom, commenting:

“Through my decades in corporate America, I've seen lots of people work really really hard hoping they'll be noticed and promoted because they were taught that hard work pays off. In reality, it never works that way. Career movement itself is a skill that requires stellar communication skills and constant, active campaigning.”

To which, another user replied:

“This. It has nothing to do with your ability to do your job. It is all about people skills.”

 

“Why should they promote you?”

 

Sometimes, the grass really is greener in the other pasture, reminds user @Ok_Push2550. They wrote,

“Changing jobs.

If you've been there for years (5 or more), and haven't left, why should they promote you? If you're doing well enough to not get fired, then they can hire from outside to get someone with more talent and drive to do something big.

If you go somewhere else, it signals to your new employer (and old employer) that you're not satisfied with what you have, and want more.”

A different user agreed, commenting:

“Exactly this. That is how I got promoted twice over the past 7 years, applying for a better position in two companies. That's also how I doubled my salary while my colleague from the first job is still in the same position even though we started on the same day.”

 

“Confidence.”

 

For a more measured, achievable response, look to @OGP01, who wrote:

“Multiple moves into slightly bigger roles. Makes them look experienced.

Building good relationships with senior leaders. Talking to them regularly.

Being known for their team's achievements that they enabled. But at the same time praising members of their team for delivering these results.

Confidence. Being able to bullshit their way through anything, even if they haven’t got a clue what they’re talking about.”

 

“Build a relationship with someone in the C-Suite…”

 

Although, if you want a true cheat code, @Willing-Bit2581 has the answer:

“Build a relationship with someone in the C-Suite, that can put you on a track… I've witnessed a 35-year-old woman got from Audit Manager to Sr. Manager to Director to AVP in less than 5 years. She’s clearly being groomed for higher roles.

Saw another woman in late thirties, some went from Sr. Analyst to VP in less than 10 years.”


 

“Education and experience matter, but they’re table stakes”

 

Another dose of likeability reality, this time, from @Significant_Soup2558:

“Likability often trumps competence. People promote people they enjoy working with, people who make their lives easier, and people who fit the company culture.

This is how you do it. Favor visibility over competence. Treat networking as part of the job, both within and outside the company. Understand that perception is reality. Be strategic about job changes. Use a service like Applyre to job search passively.

Your education and experience matter, but they're table stakes. The people passing you by figured out that career advancement is a different skill set entirely from doing the actual work well.”


 team, corporate, business, meeting, skills People skills matter in workplace. Photo credit: Canva

 

So, will you be taking the advice from these expert corporate Redditors? See you in the C-Suite.

Canva Photos & Matt Lemmon/Flickr

A new generation of dads is finding out the hard way that "Love You Forever" doesn't pull punches.

There are few things more enjoyable and deeply satisfying than reading a book to your kids. It sets kids up for early reading success of their own helps them learn how to identify and describe their feelings. And we parents get a lot out of it, too. Reading aloud to your kids quite literally synchs up your brainwaves and helps you feel a close senes of belonging and improved well-being.

Every family has their favorites; the books they return to over and over. But a lot of the most famous and well-known, even beloved, children's books aren't without controversy. The Giving Tree, for example, has been in the crosshairs for years for preaching what some people say are toxic or harmful messages about self-sacrifice. And how about the Rainbow Fish? Where the beautifully bedazzled hero of the story is vilified for not wanting to give up his shiny scales to others just because they asked. What kind of message is that?!

Perhaps no book elicits stronger reactions on either side of the spectrum than the one, the only: Love You Forever.

First released in 1986, Love You Forever bv Robert Munsch is a certified classic and one of the most famous picture books of all time, often mentioned in company with Goodnight Moon, Green Eggs and Ham, and Where the Wild Things Are.

Even if you've read it, you might be familiar with the central refrain of the story: "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be."

The tale follows a new mother who sneaks into her baby's room at night to rock him and sing him this tune. The boy grows older, but that doesn't stop mom from picking him up and cradling him with the lullaby, even when he's a big smelly teenager. In one of the most beautiful yet hotly debated moments, the mother drives across town in the middle of the night with a ladder strapped to the roof of her car, sneaks into her now grown son's house, and rocks him while she sings: "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be."

In the end, it's the grown son who travels to his aging mother's house to hold and rock her while singing the song. It's implied that she dies, and the man returns to his home to hold his newborn baby daughter.

Over the years, some parents have found the book creepy or unsettling and wondered if it romanticizes poor boundaries. But on social media, the new generation of dads is just discovering this classic and it's turning them into blubbering wrecks.

"I was not prepared for this," one dad posted on Reddit with a picture of the book Love You Forever.

Below, dozens more chimed in about how the book emotionally devastated them in the best way.

from daddit

"My mom used to read this to me as a kid and she would always get choked up. I grew up, got a job and moved into a house across town. I had daughters of my own and their bedroom was in a room at the top of the stairs. My mom passed a few years ago. I am the guy in that book. I can't get through the whole thing."

"It needs a disclaimer: ensure you have tissues on hand, preferably man size."

"My mom died nearly two years ago. I used to get choked up reading this to my kids while she was still alive. I can't make it through it anymore."

"This was one of those books that makes you realize Men DO cry and we cry HARD and UGLY"

 books, reading, childrens books, love you forever, crying, emotional, love, family, parenting, kids, robert munsch Men may not cry easy, but we cry hard.  Giphy  

"I bought this for my mom as a birthday present like a decade ago before I had kids. We never had it when I was younger, but I'd always heard about it. I read it, but just thought it was cute. ... Fast forward to when my oldest was born, my mom then bought this book for me, and I finally read it as a parent. Instant waterworks. Amazing what being on the other side of things will do to your perspective."

"My wife hates this book but my 1 year old girl adores it. She always takes it off her shelf and brings it over for me to read. Granted she normally just shuffles through it for the pictures but it’s always a kick in the gut. My parents haven’t been doing the greatest as of late so this book always gets me right in the feels."

The dads urged readers not to take the book so literally. Of course it's weird that the mom drives across town during the night to rock her grown son to sleep! But that's what really drives home the book's message of unconditional love, and how the job of a parent is never truly done.

Some people theorize that men and women have very different reactions to the book. Where moms may see themselves in the mother and may be unsettled watching their entire life flash by in just a couple of pages, dads may see themselves in the young boy who grows up and has to say goodbye to his mother as he begins his own family. Men with young kids often have a mother of their own that's growing older and frailer, their dynamic and relationship changing, health failing — the book is sweet and silly and makes kids laugh, but it hits men in that phase of life extremely hard.

The book only hits harder when you learn about why Munsch wrote it in the first place.

 books, reading, childrens books, love you forever, crying, emotional, love, family, parenting, kids, robert munschAnec Anecdotally, this book seems to hit dads way harder than it hits moms.Scott Alan Miller/Flickr

According to Huffington Post, the author and his wife suffered multiple stillbirths. The short rhyme or lullaby started off as a little poem Munsch would sing to himself as a way to grieve.

"[The song] was my way of crying," he said. The couple was lucky enough to later adopt three children, but was never able to successfully conceive one of their own. Munsch continued to sing the lullaby to himself in remembrance of the children they had lost.

One day at a live reading, Munsch developed a story around the poem on the fly, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. That story eventually became the basis for his book. It was initially rejected by his publisher for being too dark (which makes some sense) before becoming an all-time classic.

Today, Munsch is 80 years old and Love You Forever, his most successful children's book, has sold over 7 million copies.

The book isn't for everyone. Some find it unhinged or emotionally manipulative. But it's a story that came straight from the heart of its grieving author, and if you're like me, you can still hear your own mom reading and singing it to you when you were little. It's not my absolute favorite, or even the most fun to read, but it's definitely the most powerful and emotional book in our collection. Unlike other books that my kids outgrow, this one only hits harder and harder the older they, and I, get.