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People helped a dad explain his 'cheap' grocery purchases to his 11-year-old daughter

There's nothing wrong with buying generic products instead of brand names.

via Karolina Grabowska/Pexels

A dad with $5 in his wallet

Even though parents may try to shield their children from tough topics such as economics and social status, they develop their own sense of them as they age. Studies show that children as young as 5 know the difference between being poor, middle-class or wealthy.

By age 11, children are fully conscious of brands and see them as the “dominant feature in their product categorization compared with other perceptual attributes.”

A father was recently embarrassed by his 11-year-old daughter at the supermarket when she called him out for buying generic products instead of brand names. He shared the story on Reddit’s Mildly Infuriating forum, where many commenters shared advice on teaching preteens about household economics.

The post is probably relatable to a lot of parents who’ve had to tighten their budgets given the steep rise in prices over the past few years. When prices go up and your wages stay the same, providing for your family becomes even more difficult.

“Been food shopping with my kid for years. She's 11 now and has developed an opinion on everything. She questioned me on why I buy Pricerite (generic) brand items over brand name. I explained when you only have $100, you can't use it all up buying brand name foods, it goes further if you buy items at a good price,” the father explained in his post.

Even though the daughter seemed to understand her dad's point, she made fun of him to the cashier while they were checking out.

“Five minutes later, when checking out, the cashier greets us, ‘How are you doing today?’ my daughter replies, ‘It could be better. We can't eat brand-name food 'cause my dad is cheap... cheap like a bird.’ And flocks her arms and goes cheap cheap cheap cheap,” the embarrassed father shared.

A group of commenters stepped in to help the exasperated father teach his daughter how to make sound economic decisions while giving her a lesson in manners.

“Next time shopping, have her bring a calculator and put in the name brand prices for each item. Then when she gets to $100, say if we bought the name brand, this is all we would be getting, since we aren't, I can get more food,” SnooWords4839 wrote. “Hang in there, kids sometimes need visual aids while learning.”

Another commenter thought it would be a good idea for the child to learn generic and name-brand products are often quite alike. Maybe that way, she’d understand that her dad isn’t just frugal but smart.

“Do a blind taste test sometime between generic and brand name,” Tubagoat suggested. “And ask her why someone would pay more for something that tastes exactly the same. Then when she thinks she's getting wise to your ways, blindfold her and have her taste two of the same store brand samples.”

Another person suggested a real-world way to teach a child about spending is by comparing cereal that comes in a bag versus the type that comes in a box.

“I once gave my kids $5 each to buy their favorite cereal (this, of course, was when name brand cereal was about $3 a box) they were happy to have their favorite name brand but quickly realized it didn’t last as long as the bag cereal mom buys,” ColorMeSlowly wrote. “They were disappointed and never asked for their name-brand cereal again.”

Another commenter believed the real lesson the daughter should take from the exchange is about respect.

“This is not about money, this is your child being absurdly disrespectful to you,” Luxxielisbon wrote. “Even if you were cheap and not budget conscious, that’s still your decision (assuming of course children are not being neglected). I would never presume to tell my parents what to do with their money. When she earns her own, she can decide how to spend it.”

Making it through hard times is an exercise in resourcefulness but also one in character. It teaches us to be resilient, adaptive, gracious and, most importantly, humble. For parents, hard times can also be a way to impart those tough lessons to our children so they can navigate the tough times in their lives with grit and grace.

This article originally appeared on 8.22.23

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Pop Culture

How do you know someone is very smart? Here are 15 'subtle signs' people notice.

"You can understand both sides of an issue and still think one is wrong."

via Matthew Yohe/Wikimedia Commons

Steve Jobs shows off iPhone 4 at the 2010 Worldwide Developers Conference.

There is a big difference in how highly intelligent people communicate versus those with smaller IQs. A Redditor named Occyz wanted to know how people tell the difference by asking them to share the “subtle” signs that someone is very intelligent.

The question was a big hit on the forum, receiving over 3,700 responses.

A big takeaway is people think highly intelligent people are mentally flexible. They are always interested in learning more about a topic, open to changing their minds when they learn new information and acutely aware of what they don’t know.

In fact, according to the psychological principle known as the Dunning-Krueger effect, there is a big confidence chasm between highly intelligent people and those who are not. Low-IQ people often overestimate what they know about topics they need to familiarize themselves with. Conversely, people with high IQs underestimate their knowledge of subjects in which they are well-versed.

Here are 15 “subtle” signs that someone is highly intelligent.

1. They admit their mistakes

"When someone can admit a mistake and they know they don’t know everything."

2. Great problem-solvers

"They're very good at problem-solving. Even if it's something they have no experience with they always approach the problem from the right angle."

3. They appreciate nuance

"'I can hold two opposing ideas in my head at the same time.' Anyone who is willing to do that is intriguing to me. Especially with polarizing issues. They might actually be interesting to talk to."

4. They say 'I don't know'

"I like to call it being smart enough to know how stupid you are."

"100% this. I have a good friend who is a teaching professor at Cambridge. He is acutely aware of how ‘little’ he knows about areas outside his specialization."

5. They have self-doubt

"They struggle with imposter syndrome. Dumb people always think they’re [great]."

"It can happen but I’ve met plenty who don’t really doubt themselves. Instead, they take not knowing or not having any experience as an opportunity, just like people go down interesting internet rabbit holes. Really smart people can view mistakes as opportunities for growth and inexperience as an opportunity to gather new experiences."

The great American poet Charles Bukowski once wrote, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence,” and according to science, he’s correct.

“Ignorance is associated with exaggerated confidence in one’s abilities, whereas experts are unduly tentative about their performance,” Stephan Lewandowsky Chair of Cognitive Psychology, University of Bristol, writes for the World Economic Forum. “This basic finding has been replicated numerous times in many different circumstances. There is very little doubt about its status as a fundamental aspect of human behavior.”

6. They ask questions

"They are ok with being perceived as 'stupid' by asking questions — if we hold back in fear, we'll never truly learn. Plus, it's a good way to show others it's ok to question things if you don't understand — better off if we're on the same page instead of hoping things work out without being informed."

7. They love a challenge

"They feel challenged rather than threatened by new things, problems, ideas..."

"'I don't know' is the beginning of a puzzle, not the conclusion."

8. They know their audience

"They can adapt their communication style — vocabulary, tone, content, etc — to fit the situation and people they’re talking to, and it seems completely natural."

"It's a bit past code-switching, though code-switching is a part of it. Being able to explain complex thoughts in simpler terms based on audience demonstrates your understanding. If the only people who can understand you are fellow people with the same educational exposure as you, you just have knowledge, not intelligence."

9. They can simplify big ideas

"I consider someone intelligent if they're able to explain something incredibly complicated in simpler and more readily understood terms."

"Fantastic teachers can make learning nearly effortless."

10. They listen to people they disagree with

"Someone who can understand someone’s opposing view without having to agree with it or get angry over it."

11. They're humble

"They don't continually need to tell people how intelligent they are."

"At a certain point, they realize they are smarter at certain things than other people, but they understand the importance of being humble."

12. They take a moment

"They pause to think about a novel question instead of instantly blurting out an answer. Sometimes people think it means they've been 'stumped' and claim victory. No, they're thinking, analyzing, and formulating a reply."

This idea is backed up by science. A study published by IFL Science found that people who score high on intelligence tests answer easy questions quickly. However, they spend more time on questions complex questions than their less intelligent peers. They have the intelligence to wait until their entire brain has grappled with a problem before answering.

"In more challenging tasks, you have to store previous progress in working memory while you explore other solution paths and then integrate these into each other,” said lead author Professor Michael Schirner. “This gathering of evidence for a particular solution may sometimes take longer, but it also leads to better results.”

13. They're well-spoken

"I usually find that creativity, humor, and verbal acuity are good signs of intelligence. I generally see lack of empathy, low openness, and seeing the world in absolutes as signs of low intelligence."

14. Dry sense of humor

"Pulling it off requires an observant, quick wit with a nonchalant delivery that almost downplays its own cleverness. Like it means their immediate passing thoughts are often profound enough to be very funny without any real effort."

15. They are great storytellers

"They craft narratives for themselves and for others that are compelling, that make the world make sense, that invigorate and install a goal, a mission."

This article originally appeared on 7.15.24

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Family

Dad asks how hard parents should push 'traditional values' after fight with sister-in-law

Is there only one way to raise a family?

via Canva

A dad having a heart-t-heart with his sister-in-law.

Every new parent is bombarded with advice from friends, family and experts on handling everything from feeding to sleeping to screen time. But, in the end, their decisions will often hinge on whether the advice works for their children.

No matter how great the advice or how long people have followed it, every child from the dawn of time is different.

A 30-year-old stay-at-home dad has been taking a lot of heat from his 39-year-old sister-in-law because he’s the primary caregiver and doesn’t feed his kids three meals a day. Instead, he prefers to let his 4-year-old and 18-month-old children graze on snacks every three hours or so.

The sister-in-law said she was “stunned” that he is the primary caregiver because she has a more “traditional” view of marriage. The sister-in-law’s constant judgment of his marriage and how he feeds his kids have become a huge burden, so he shared the story on the Reddit AITA subforum looking for advice.

The dad starts the post by saying that the sister-in-law believes the mom is more important in the home than the dad should be the provider. “So I always felt like she was more critical of me as a parent. Maybe not in clear ways before now, but her attitude made me feel like she was watching closely to see if I was good enough,” he wrote.

reddit, dads, parenting A stay-at-home dad.via Canva

“The way my wife and I feed our kids is different to how my SIL and my brother feed their kids,” the dad continued. “SIL believes in 3 meals a day no matter what the age and nothing more or less. She believes that is the way it has been done for centuries and it works. My wife and I approach it differently.”

The sister-in-law blames the family’s feeding routine on the fact that he’s a stay-at-home father doing the primary caregiving. She says he needs to change his child’s habits because they will cause problems in preschool and kindergarten.

The dad contacted his brother to get the sister-in-law to stop commenting, but nothing changed. The situation came to a head when the family was grocery shopping together.

“She brought it up out of nowhere because she saw the bag I keep the lunch boxes in. She didn’t even see them eat anything but needed to say something,” the dad wrote. “She told me I should practice better eating habits and I told her she should practice keeping her opinions to herself because she doesn’t get a say in how my kids eat and she doesn’t get to open her big mouth about it every time she sees me now. She stormed off outraged and there have been multiple texts from her and my brother since. He’s mostly just telling me what she’s saying but she is big mad.”

So, the dad asked the forum whether he was in the wrong for telling off his sister-in-law.

reddit, dads, parenting A toddler having a snack. via Canva

The responses were overwhelmingly supportive of his actions. One commenter said he should have responded by giving his sister-in-law a taste of her medicine. “Now, if you really want to go there just tell her if she’s so into traditional norms, then perhaps she shouldn’t, as a woman speak to you that way since you are a man and would like to be shown respect as one, and in fact you are disappointed she is choosing to belittle you since it’s not her place,” SingYouLikeASong suggested.

“It just seems to me that SIL feels personally attacked by a man filling familial responsibilities traditionally done by women and from the looks of it, doing a good job of it, too. It's her problem, and she's trying to make it yours by nitpicking at your every action,” Kittenscute added.

“You need to do what works for you and she’s overstepping. You never asked her opinion and she should not have given it,” Nemesis0408 wrote.

Should young children graze or eat only at meal times?

The commenters overwhelmingly agreed that the sister-in-law acted inappropriately and deserved to be told off. However, was she right about how the kids should be fed? According to Natalia, a registered dietitian and child nutritionist, yes.

Natalia says that regular meal times are critical and that children should only snack at scheduled times. “Research shows that the timing of meals and snacks is as important as what we feed our kids,” Natalia writes at Feeding Bytes. “Structure in mealtimes is a foundation of balanced eating habits. But, as many parents will agree, the structure also happens to be the hardest thing to establish.”

Ultimately, the dad was right to tell his sister to stay out of his business, but she did have a point regarding how he fed his kids. This situation would have been a lot better for everyone involved if she had approached her brother-in-law in a kind and loving way instead of as a critic.

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Pop Culture

Guy who succeeded in cutting his phone usage by 80% shares his tips and powerful insights

He says cutting down has been "hard, but life changing."

Photo credit: Canva

These are actually really helpful.

Almost all of us at one point have attempted to reduce our screentime in an effort to thwart its addictive tendencies. Whether that’s incorporating some kind of app usage monitoring, keeping the phone away from arms reach in the morning, using one of those fancy phone locking pouches, etc. But boy, is it hard not to fall right back into the same pattern.

That’s why it always feels appropriate to hear from folks who have somehow managed to not only do the impossible, but stay consistent with it. You never know what tips and tricks you might find to make your own screen reduction dream a reality.

Recently someone shared how they were able to rescue their screen time by a whopping 80%. Here’s how they did it.

On the r/productivity subreddit, user u/jjohn6646 (whom we'll just call "John") shared how previously he would spend 4+ hours on social media (including Reddit) and 2+ hours on messaging and work stuff.

The biggest things that helped him go from going from 6 hours of phone usage a day to only 1 measly hour were as follows:

Creating a 30-day weaning off plan.

John shared that rather than going cold turkey, each week he would cut back by one hour (though he ended up doing more than that).

Incorporating a tangible reminder.

Placing a rubber band over his phone reminded John to ask himself, “Is this the best usage of mental energy right now?” each time he reached for his device.

Having a go-to "redirect."

For John, it was a book. For others it could be a journal, a simple craft, stretching, sprucing up around the house…you get the idea.

Using an app blocker with stricter settings than iOS screen time.

Quite simply because “iOS defaults are too easy to skip.” AppBlock comes highly recommended for its strict mode settings.

On that note, John added that it helped to set up "morning" and "evening" downtime blocks with the app to eliminate any distracting app during crucial parts of the day. He also only allotted a specific amount of opens for each individual distracting app.

Embracing the boredom.

This one is perhaps the most important of all. It can be so difficult to withstand the pressures of needing to fill every second of time. Even when we’re trying to let go of bad habits, there’s the inherent obligation to replace it with a “productive” one. Social media (and almost all technology we use on a daily basis, really) only exacerbates this. But in reality, we are not designed to be productive or stimulated 24/7.

But as John reminds us, “Our minds tend to panic when we don't have ‘something to do,’ but if you can push through the initial panic, there is a real sense of calm on the other side.”

What I learned while reducing phone screen time by 80% — 6 hrs per day to 1hr
byu/jjohn6646 inproductivity

Having successfully met his goal, John also took away some valuable insights sure to give anyone a little inspiration for their own screen reduction endeavors:

There is more time in the day than you realize
It's extremely easy to "slip," as I have many times in the past
Being "productive" doesn't always mean reaching for your phone just for the sake of doing something — sometimes doing nothing can set you up for more long term productivity
We are meant to be bored sometimes (and being bored can make you enjoy the little things more)

John prompted a number of readers to thank him for his advice and even share their own helpful tidbits as well.

“Once I realized all of these notifications and apps were just fancy fidget spinners, and I was designing my own hamster wheel, my interest in smartphones greatly decreased,” one person wrote.

“Great advice, thanks for sharing! Another tip I find helps is to keep a small notebook to hand. I found myself reaching for my phone all the time to check something or look something up. Write down any questions or things to look up online in the notepad, then spend a short allocated time at some point in the day to look them all up in one hit, rather than constantly reaching for the phone,” added another.

Another gushed, “Wow this is really inspiring and helpful. I went through a phase where I deleted all social media from my phone and my creativity, reading, meditation time skyrocketed. I fell back into the habit after a while and am back to 5-6 hours of screen time a day. I delete Reddit, then redownload it the same day. 😭 But this post just gave me the push I need, broke it down in an easy practical way. Thank you op!”

Sometimes we just need to see that a hard thing can be done in order for us to commit to doing it ourselves. If you're looking to reduce your screen time (which let’s be honest, is all of us) take it from John:

It’s “hard, but life changing.”

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Pop Culture

Non-Americans share weird things about the U.S. that Americans don't realize are weird

Apparently American conversational habits are legendary. 🇺🇸🤝

Photo credit: Canva

Our relationship to coffee is like no other.

One very fun thing about living in a vast, multicultural world is getting to discover how certain ways of life that you find completely ordinary are actually quite baffling to those outside of those customs.

Americans, for instance, might have no idea how strange things like being able to substitute things in restaurants or having toilets with a TON of water in them can seem to non-Americans.

How do we know this? Non-Americans said so.

Recently, Redditor rickyjones75 asked, "Non-Americans who have been to the US: "What is the weirdest thing about America that Americans don't realize is weird?" And man, the responses were just too good not to share.

One thing that soooo many people mentioned, which might come as a surprise, was just how friendly Americans are.

Our social skills are apparently second to none—be it striking up random conversation or just being polite and kind to strangers.

As u/Muter put it, “Yall can strike a conversation with a tree. You literally don’t need anyone to respond and you’ll yabber away relentlessly,” adding, “I love it, I’m a fairly quiet dude - New Zealand’s a fairly reserved place, so just being able to stream your consciousness out like that is just something truly remarkable..”

u/Guycg also wrote, “Americans can strike up a sincere conversation and not be weird about it. No one precedes a question with 'Sorry to be weird'. They don't feel embarrassed if they don't know something. They can listen to you tell a story without jumping in to tell a vaguely similar story related to them.”

“I went there for university and honestly Americans just do a lot of little things that are generally nice. Holding the door open, smiling if you make eye contact while walking, randomly saying a quick greeting, etc. Random compliments too, and I never got the vibe that people were just making them up,” shared u/faeriefountain_

u/Bungle_bogs also noted how Americans are so “enamored you are with British culture and people.”

“I was invited to a BBQ, in a public place, by someone that I met because he liked the t-shirt I was wearing. I felt like some sort of celebrity! I’m an average guy, but everyone wanted to chat to me,” they said, adding, “I’ve traveled extensively and have met many other nationalities, whilst in their country. I’ve been made to feel welcome in almost all, but how I was treated once my accent was heard in the US was on another level.”

Also, it’s not just America’s tipping culture that leaves non-Americans scratching their heads. Here’s what a few folks had to say.

“The options when ordering food, I thought it was a TV joke! I feel naughty asking to swap chips for mash but you guys can request pretty much anything!” -Bizzle_B

“Weirdest thing for me, visiting Madison, Wisconsin, was the absolute top cheese curd selection and cheap and delicious local beer.” -u/Throwawaythisoneplz

“My friend from the Netherlands described his visit to the US as the 'land of endless choices' which is how Americans like it.” -u/RedSolez

“The restaurants expect you to NOT finish the food and take it home. My mother finds taking home leftovers from a restaurant to be embarrassing and will not do it. But American restaurants have portion sizes that seem to expect this.” -u/Repulsive_Tear4528

Aaaaand we also might have a caffeine problem (masking a productivity problem, of course).

“Coffee in the states is a ‘to go’ thing while in the rest of the world it's a ‘sit and relax’ thing,” said u/vivalaroja2010

"Coffee all the time. I got a tattoo in Barcelona and was completely embarrassed when I asked the artist if he wanted a coffee from next door. He told me, 'Oh no, I have to keep working.' He thought I wanted to go sit with him for a while."—u/MattSk87

America’s signature love of diversity in many forms also manifests itself in our lawmaking, which can be baffling to an outsider.

“Radically different laws for each state? like you could be illegal in one, then travel a few miles, then boom you're safe?” asks u/Frequent_Print7915

u/omnipresent_sailfish might have hit the nail on the head when they quipped, "The United States is not so much a single country as it is 50 raccoons in a trench coat."

Driving around in America seems to feel very odd as well.

“The gigantic open spaces everywhere. SO.MUCH.SPACE.” -u/Murmurmira

“The billboards on the interstates.... 'Only 20 miles to....,' 'Only 15 miles to....' and some chain or business. Oh, and fireworks... everywhere…” -u/Iracing_Muskoka

On a related note…"Driving through rural Oregon on US26 and seeing billboards proclaiming Hillary Clinton to be the anti-Christ who wants to steal your guns and eat babies."—u/ConstableBlimeyChips

“Tailgating on highway (even people complaining about tailgaters were themselves often tailgating).” - u/bolyai

"The car dependency. I was in LA, and when I said I was walking to places, people looked at me like I was out of my mind."—u/VisibleElephant

“The flags everywhere.” -u/davorg

Then there were a few things that even Americans can probably agree are on the weirder side:

“Putting the real estate agent's face on the for-sale signs.” -u/toastehmonstah

“Prescription drug ads on TV that casually say ‘side effects may include death.’ I was shocked.”-u/Lattice-shadow

“Your news channels display FAR TOO MUCH info on the screen.” -uRaioc2436

"Not using the coin/token system for your shopping carts. And while on the subject, grocery baggers are also super weird."—u/No_nukes_at_all"

The love for all things drive-thru. You can find 30 cars in a drive-thru and not a single person inside a place."—u/PrettyBoyLarge

"I've never been to the US, but something I think is really weird is how the election works there."—u/Cinefilo0802

“You guys do love your big cars, huh :p” -u/Bman1465

“The toilet is so FULL of water. I always have to convince myself that I'm not about to dunk my cheeks.” -u/Hazz3r

Speaking of toilets…"The gaps in toilet stalls."—u/Affectionate-Emu1374

“You advertise antidepressants on the TV. 🤯”-u/Melonpan78

And then some that totally caught us off guard:

"The taste of apples. I've tried ones in Turkey, New Zealand, Japan, Thailand, and China, and they all taste pretty much the same. American apples, on the other hand, are like frozen French fries with all the sweetness sucked out and replaced purely by weird sourness. My German, French, and Japanese friends also agreed with me."—u/PassakornKarn

"Measuring distance in time. (ex: 'I'm two hours away from you')."—u/sss100100

Dorito chips and Cheetos have like ten times the amount of orange powder. Everything is so sweet and tastes 'heavy' for some reason." —u/Bman1465 (Hmm, maybe this one isn't so much of a surprise…)

"Using paper towels to wipe things in and out of their homes. ESPECIALLY if they are inside the house." —u/passionate_milf

"I find military people boarding airplanes first strange."—u/MrChicken23

"Chips with everything; if you invite Americans to a party, definitely bring chips. Even if it's a romantic dinner, be prepared for chips." —u/Exotic_Second2734

"I was there on Valentine's Day. Random wait staff and hotel staff wished me a happy Valentine's Day and gave me roses. It was so weird. In Australia, it's a thing for couples only." —u/harrywho23

Lastly, our favorite: “They have those angry sinks that chop sh_t.” -u/Mind_Extract

Bet you’ve never thought of a garbage disposal that way. And you’ll never think about it the same way again.

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Joy

People are helping introverts by sharing their go-to 'small talk' topics

Here are 14 great ideas.

via Pexels

People chatting at a party.

A lot of people feel uncomfortable starting up conversations with strangers in social settings. It’s not that they don’t want to meet people, they’re just not sure what to say.

There's an art to small talk and some people are incredibly at ease starting up a conversation and coming up with things to say. They know how to get things moving without being obvious and seem to do this effortlessly.

A Reddit user named Blugged Bunny asked the online forum “What is your go-to 'small talk' topic with strangers?” and although the question may not have intentionally been to help introverts, there were a lot of great suggestions for people who are uncomfortable making small talk.

It seems the best ideas are questions and statements that are about the current setting and situation. The truly great small talk artists know that the best way into a conversation is to allow the other person to talk about themselves.

It’s also helpful to bring up topics that everyone can speak to whether that’s family, pets, weather, sports or articles of clothing. I once knew a guy who was single and whenever he went out he wore a “Livestrong” bracelet that he got from Lance Armstrong’s cancer charity. He told me that it “Gives women an easy conversation-starter if they want to talk to me. They’ll ask, 'Why are you wearing that? Isn’t Lance Armstrong, a cheater?'" That would begin a great debate over whether Armstrong was such a bad guy, after all he’s done for people with cancer.

Here are 14 of the best go-to small talk topics from the Reddit thread.

1.

"Make an observation. Literally anything. It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be. It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention. People bullshit about the weather all the time. Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask. ... Let them do the talking. People love talking about themselves. You learn some light-hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too. It works in literally any situation. From an elevator ride to a first date. It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable." — arrocknroll.

2.

"Have you ever tried Ayahuasca?" — KarmicBreath

This comment kicked off a funny response from Sinsaraly:

"Love this. My friend once spent a few hours in a car with poet Allen Ginsberg. The very first thing he said to her was “what drugs do you do?”

3.

"The weather is a good one. everyone shares it. I'm a guy and i do not give one shit about professional sports or cars and it's like a social disability." — Mr_Mojo_Risin

4.

Hobbies. "Pretty much everyone has something they're either super passionate about or really rather good at, so a conversation about hobbies pretty much always moves from 'small talk' to 'genuine interest' pretty damn fast." — Trashpanda692

5.

"Something in our environment that we can both relate to. You have to make it easy for them to give a response. Mild humour usually works as it is light-hearted and unthreatening." — ScallywagsTV2

6.

"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it." — I_Can_See_The_Music

7.

"I try to think of random things. Like a favorite animal or star, talking about something in the room. Usually is stupid dad jokes." — UncreativeGlory

8.

"I try to come up with questions regarding the situations we are in. Like, 'Hey you know any good place around here to get a decent meal?"' — Chromerix

9.

"Food. People typically love food. I mention I’m new/newer to an area. And ask them what they like, where they eat out. Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks." — TheProfWife

10.

"If it’s a woman, I’d compliment them on something I like (bag/shoes/makeup/a book they’re reading) and then try to find common ground for there. For men, I’d try something neutral so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to hit on them. Perhaps weekend plans, work etc." — llovejoy1234

11.

"Biggest animal you think you could take in a fight." — RizziJoy

12.

"I usually bring up home renovations. Especially if the small talk confined us to a space for quite some time. Like a wedding, business conference etc. I can always find people who are not only working on different parts of their homes, but enjoy talking about them. Learned a thing or two along the line as well!" — Calm-Ad

13.

"Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?" — HowToDoNot

14.

"F.O.R.D. Family/Occupation/Recreation/Dreams

Family: Do they have kids? If so, people love to talk about their kids. How many, what ages, what grades are they in in school? If they are older (High School/College) what are they studying? Do they play sports/music? If family is not a comfortable subject (you don't feel like asking about spouse and kids and such) then move on to Occupation
Occupation: What do they do for a living? How long? Do they like it? Did they go to school for it? How did they get into it?
Recreation: What do they like to do in their free time? Hobbies? What sports do they like to watch? Do they play any sports? Do they do anything active? Do they do anything artistic or musical?

Dreams: What are they currently looking forward to in life? Is there a big vacation coming up? Are the kids graduating from School? Are they training for a major athletic event (marathon or some other competition)?

This is usually my go-to when making small talk and it's usually enough to get me to some sort of common ground that our conversation can build off organically." — khamylion

This article originally appeared on 5.5.22

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Baby Boomers admit these 17 things are better than when they were young

Life has improved drastically in countless ways.

via Canva

A man in his 70s reading a book.

As people age, they long for the “good ol’ days,” when allegedly people worked harder, the world was safer, and everyone was kind and prosperous. However, the notion that somehow life in America was so much better in the past is more of a psychological trick than reality.

The idea that everything was better in the past, whether that means the ‘90s, ‘70s, or ‘50s, is the product of a cognitive bias known by psychologists as rosy retrospection. “It happens because when we think about the past, we are more likely to think about people, events, places, and things in the abstract,” Mark Travers, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today. “And, when we think about things in the abstract, we are more likely to focus on positive generalities than the nitty-gritty and sometimes gory details.”

One of the biggest misunderstandings people have when comparing today to the past is the idea that crime is much worse now than it was in previous decades. However, crime statistics show that the violent crime rate in the U.S. is about the same in 2024 as it was in the 1960s, and the country is much safer today than it was in the ‘70s through the mid-1990s when crime was at its peak.

A Redditor asked the AskOldPeople subforum for people to share “something most people don’t realize has improved from when you were young,” people born in 1980 or after shared how the world has drastically improved since then. Many respondents were in their 60s and 70s and were part of the Baby Boomer generation. Many responses were about how people are much more tolerant than they used to be and products and services are far superior. Plus, you aren't bombarded by cigarette smoke wherever you go.

Here are 17 things Boomers and Gen Xers say have improved since their youth.

1. Cars are a lot safer

"Reliability of almost every car component. And then the reliability of the entire car improved astronomically. I’m 61."

"Agree. I saw a post where someone was complaining about engine repair on a car with "only 150k miles" on it. Back in the day cars barely made it to 100k. Dad would trade cars at 75k miles."

2. Long-distance calls were expensive

"Long-distance phone calls were so expensive, and now, with wifi, we can video chat around the world for free."

"I remember you didn't even need to call that far away to get hit with long-distance charges. People waited until evening time to call family members the next county over to avoid outrageous fees."

3. Fruit and vegetables

"The availability of fresh fruit and vegetables. I'm 74, and worked in the grocery business starting at age 13. In my youth, there were only a few months of the year when fresh fruits and vegetables were both available and affordable. I can remember working in the store and by October if we could get lettuce at all it came in half spoiled and I'd have to go through a crate of the stuff ripping or cutting off all the spoiled areas to get an end product that was only half or a third of the original head. I can remember marking down fresh green beans by a LOT, because the customer would have to go through pounds of the stuff to get enough for dinner for Then there was corn on the cob, having to strip off the shucks, cutting off the bad parts, then putting the remainder out on deep discount. Come Thanksgiving each year, we'd get a shipment from somewhere, probably California or similar, of actual fresh apples and oranges in prime condition. But they'd be so expensive that only people making more money than most could afford to buy the darn things. They'd go for as much as $1 apiece, which adjusted for inflation would be about $13 now."

4. Sex education

"Information about sex is much more available than it used to be. I'm not talking about porn and internet chatter, but solid information from reputable sources."

"When I was in school in the '50s, the idea that schools would offer sex education was unacceptable to almost every parent, left or right. It wasn't mentioned. Teen pregnancy rates were much higher than they are now."

5. Cancer treatment

"When I was little, nobody said the 'c' word, because it was a death sentence. When I was a young mother, getting it a second time meant you lost the battle. Now I’m in my 60s and a quarter of my friends are survivors. I know people who had stage 4 (metastasized cancer) 10 years ago and no trace now. I know people living with stage 4 cancer in them for years."

6. Closed captioning

"I'm deaf and hard-of-hearing. We didn't get closed captions on our TV t'il the mid-90s. Before that, you needed to buy a separate thing to attach to your TV. And now, every TV has them. Every streaming service. The only time closed captions aren't on in our living room is when my husband is watching sports. Because I don't watch them and the live captions are disruptive to him."

7. Women's treatment in the workplace

"I don’t know if women realize how much better things have gotten in the workplace. I was in the military 1993-99, and what would be causing harassment lawsuits today was just part of the job. Also, just part of the job was the idea that as a woman in a male-dominated field, not only did you have to be better than most at your job, you also didn’t complain."

8. Smoking

"I worked in a grocery store back in the day. One of the closing jobs was emptying the ashtrays at the end of each aisle."

"By everywhere, I mean everywhere. Your house, your friend’s house, the doctor’s office, school, everywhere."

9. Banking

"Having access to your money before there was online banking, ATMs, and apps such as Paypal and Venmo. Before the 80s, you had to get to the bank by a certain time to make a withdrawal or you were screwed. I got paid on Fridays and had to rush to the bank and wait in line to cash my check. I think they were open a little late on Fridays and Wednesdays. Saturdays they closed at noon and Sundays they were just closed. It was a real pain in the ass. One time the company I worked for was late giving us our checks and I didn’t make it to the bank on time, so I didn’t have much food in the house that weekend. BTW, they were paper checks. There was no direct deposit!"

10. Microwaves

"You have no idea what a breakthrough microwave ovens were. Frozen meals (what we used to call TV Dinners) could take up to 40 minutes to thaw, heat up in the oven, then cool down enough to eat. To prepare the most convenient form of popcorn there was, 'Jiffy Pop,' you had to stand at a stove and continuously shake it over one of the burners for about ten minutes. Heating up leftovers was a production; leftover pizza was generally eaten cold."

11. Crime is better

"Crime rates are waaaaay down."

"God yes. The 70s, 80s, and 90s were awful."

12. LGBTQ acceptance

"Definitely people’s feelings towards being gay. I remember how taboo it was in the 90s. Now I easily tell people I’m a lesbian and it barely moves any kind of needle. Other than some small weird enclaves, it’s been largely normalized."

13. Pollution

"Air pollution in cities. It’s still bad but you can’t imagine how bad it was in the '60s and '70s."

14. Racism

"As hard as we fight to reduce it today, racism is far less of problem than it ever was 50 years ago or even 30. The racists are louder than they used to be but that's because they're being squeezed harder. They march in the streets and say, you will not replace us, but we are doing it slowly and steadily."

15. Deliveries

"In the 70s and 80s you had to tear out the order form in the back of the catalogue, fill it out with your order, include a check (credit cards were rarer, and women weren't allowed to have one in their name for a long time), stick it in an envelope, get a stamp, drop it off in a mailbox, wait for them to get it, fill it and send it to you.... and you had no clue if they received the order, when it would arrive. It could take up to a month to get your order, so people also didn't buy things on a whim."

16. Mental health

"Mental health and talking about our mental struggles, depression, anxiety, etc. That wasn't a thing when I was younger.

I am 60 now. I really think it all began with Oprah. She sort of opened the door by having guests on her show address these issues."

17. Everything

"Almost everything. Seriously the perception that things are terrible now and everything was better 'before' is just crap."

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