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Bill Hader reveals how he shamelessly spoiled the 'Titanic' movie for rude sorority girls

Before Hader was famous, he worked at a movie theater.

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Bill Hader | Bill Hader speaking at the 2013 San Diego Comic… | Flickr

Spoiler alert: Before reading this article, you should probably know a few things—not just about the historical tragedy of the Titanic ship in 1912, but also the subsequent James Cameron-directed blockbuster Titanic. You’ve been warned. Here we go: the ship sinks, and things don’t go especially well for most involved. (Though some might argue the iceberg had no issues.)

titanic leonardo dicaprio GIFGiphy

Now that that's out of the way, let’s discuss comedian/actor Bill Hader’s hilarious-in-hindsight interaction with a few bullies at a movie theater back in the day. Hader recently appeared on his friend and fellow SNL alum John Mulaney’s Netflix show, Everybody’s in LA with John Mulaney, and shared the story of how being a jerk just might get a movie ruined for you.

The two pals have quite the history as writers and friends. In fact, one of Hader’s most popular Saturday Night Live characters, Stefon, was co-written by Mulaney, who would often switch the lines on the cue cards at the last minute, causing Bill to explode in laughter. Hader reveals some of the behind-the-scenes hilarity in an interview with Howard Stern, including the fact that “John and all the other writers are dying laughing because they’re just waiting for it.” Hader also talks about other co-stars (hint: Fred Armisen) who tried to get him to "break" due to his high anxiety.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

So, Bill sits down with John and laughingly says: “I got fired from a movie theater for ruining the end of Titanic. I was working in a movie theater, and Titanic hadn’t come out yet, and a sorority had bought out the movie theater. They were in the doorway, and I was going, ‘Hey guys, can you move?’”

Apparently, they did not move—and instead chose to insult his looks.

“They were making fun of me. They said I looked like Charles Manson. Which... I kinda did. I had a little bowtie on and cummerbund, and I was like, ‘Hey guys, please move.’ And they were like, ‘No.’”

alpha phi news GIFGiphy

Bad idea. Karma struck quickly.

“So when they went in, as I tore the tickets, I was like, ‘Enjoy the movie. The boat sinks at the end. Leo dies.’ And they were like, ‘No, he doesn’t.’ I go, ‘Yeah, you think he’s asleep. But he’s frozen.’ And that showed them.”

Sadly, Hader had to be let go for that move, but his boss "came down smiling." He adds, "He was like, ‘Hey, Bill. I have to fire you.’ He loved it. Couldn’t look me in the eye, though.”

Of course, there’s already a Reddit thread about it. On the subreddit r/entertainment, user cmaia1503 posted the Varietyheadline: "Bill Hader Got Fired From His Movie Theater Job for Spoiling ‘Titanic’ to the Sorority Girls Who Made Fun of Him and Called Him Charles Manson: ‘Leo Dies!’""

Within a day, the post had 13,000 upvotes and climbing. One Redditor writes, “Bro got that kind of energy on and off the screen. Amazing, no notes.” Another adds, “I love that it’s not just a spoiler, but the mechanics. The film is going to play with your heart first. No Romeos for you, Theta Bi.”

And then this person says what a lot of us must be thinking (especially those of us who had this job in high school):

“Should have been promoted.”

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Humor

People are sharing their favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes, 20 years after his passing

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

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Comedian Mitch Hedberg

It will have been twenty years this month since comedian Mitch Hedberg passed at the age of 37, and he's still revered by many as one of the best stand-up comics who ever lived. He had a delivery unlike any other. A combo of styles that was pieced together in such a specific way that no one could quite replicate it. Sometimes it was one-liners, sometimes not—but it was always observations about life from a mind that refused to think "inside the box."

In honor of his one-of-a-kind absurdity, fans online are sharing their favorite Hedberg jokes, plus telling stories about the few lucky times they saw him perform.

Across two Reddit threads, both entitled "What's your favorite Mitch Hedberg joke?," fans were eager to share their answers

@johnny5comedyisalive

What's your favorite dwelling cheese? #mitchhedberg #comedy #standup #standupcomedy #fyp #fypcomedy

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There were the shorter jokes:

"I’m highly opposed to picketing, but I don’t know how to show it."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

"Dogs are always in the pushup position."

And then the longer premises with twists. (Some are performed differently than Reddit fans remember.)

Map Safety

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.”

My house, my choice

"I bought a two-bedroom house, but it's my choice how many bedrooms there are, isn't it? This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that guy's house."

Prove your donut

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"I bought a donut. They gave me the donut and a receipt. I said, "Whoa, man, there is no need to bring ink and paper into this transaction. I give you the 50 cents, you give me the donut." I can't fathom a situation where I have to prove I bought this donut. A skeptical friend asks, "Is that your donut?" And I say, "Yeah, and I got the documentation to prove it. No wait, it's at home in the file, under D for donut."

Koala scatter

"My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I do not want them to. I'm like, 'Hey… Hold on, fellas… Let me hold one of you and feed you a leaf.'"

Who can eat at a time like this?

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

“When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy, so they start a waiting list, they say, 'Dufrene, party of two, table ready for Dufrene, party of two.' And if no one answers, they’ll say the name again: 'Dufrene, party of two.' But then if no one answers, they’ll move on to the next name. 'Bush, party of three.' Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry."

Of course, people didn't just relay the jokes. They talked about why the jokes worked and how Mitch would deal with one that bombed. One Redditor points out, "Even jokes that bombed were hilarious... 'Cause then he'd be like, 'Oh, that didn't work? I'm going to take all those words out and replace them with new words. That joke will be fixed.'"

The OP of the thread later revealed, in part, "The fact that all you guys know all these Mitch jokes means he was obviously an awesome Force, even though he died. And many stand-ups still talk about him fondly. He really had a different thing. He was up there with Steven Wright, and probably followed by Demetri Martin... just a fantastic style."

comedy, show, stand up, improv, stageblack and gray microphone on black stand Photo by Matthias Wagner on Unsplash


On the thread, "Almost 20 years since Mitch's death," this commenter shared, "I got to see Mitch at the DC Improv while I was a freshman or sophomore in college. A couple of years later (2005) he was coming back in town and I had tickets. I remember getting on the computer in the library to make sure the show was still happening. I saw the news that he had passed away, and like other people, I thought it was an April Fools joke."

This fan sums it up perfectly, paraphrasing one of Mitch's most recited jokes: "I used to be a fan, I still am, but I used to be too."

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Men's Health

Guys share the 9 worst 'alpha male' tips they've ever heard and it's so cringe

Do you wipe your butt thoroughly? Oops, you might be a beta.

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Alpha males share their cringe takes.

The 'manosphere' is a multi-million dollar industry. If you've never heard of it, you've probably heard of some of its major figureheads like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. They profit by claiming to teach impressionable young men, and lonely older men, how to be alpha males so that they can attract more women, more success, and the respect and happiness they crave.

The advice usually starts out pretty innocuous. You've got to get in shape and get your life in order! But it quickly spirals into the deeply misogynistic and, from there, even the ludicrous.

Guys are sharing the worst 'alpha male' tips they've ever heard and, yeesh, are they painful to read. Most of these come from pretty extreme fringes of the men's movement, but the scary thing is that a lot of this stuff is really out there being recommended. Lucky for us, we get to laugh at how ridiculous it all is.

1. Real men don't eat salad / The all meat diet

meat, all meat diet, manly mealGiphy

Social media users on Reddit's r/AskMen subreddit sounded off in the thread:

"I once ordered a salad and water with some lemon and got razzed endlessly by the guys who were with me. Apparently, it was not a 'manly' meal. Joke’s on them, I was the only one among them that didn’t have a beer belly and probably artery disease."

"The number of guys who think it's unmanly to eat vegetables is insane."

It calls to mind Jordan Peterson's famous all-meat-and-only-meat diet. Never mind that eating outrageous amounts of meat is a great way to fast-track the destruction of the planet, almost all doctors and nutritionists agree that eating a diet of only or mostly meat is a horrible idea that deprives your body of many key nutrients. Too much meat can lead to high cholesterol and heart disease, among many other problems, including feeling absolutely horrible all the time.


2. Real men don't display love and affection for their partners

My father told me never say I love you to a woman and never buy a woman flowers. He's been divorced twice last time I talked to him.

Crying on your wedding day? Pathetic! The manfluencers would definitely have you believe that buying flowers, planning dates, or displaying any amount of sentimentality costs you crucial alpha points. Happy husbands everywhere would gladly disagree.

3. Sex with the woman on top / going down on a woman is not manly

So-called "alpha males" are supposed to sleep with tons of women, but only in an approved masculine manner. Being in any kind of sexually submissive position is, apparently, unmanly.

This one sparked plenty of jokes in the thread: "Fellas, is it gay to have sex with a woman?"

4. Wiping your butt is gay

confusion, gag, dumbGiphy

Yes, sadly, this is a real one. It's a documented phenomenon. Women are complaining all across the Internet upon discovering that the men they're with refuse to wipe their butts because...wait for it...touching in between your own butt cheeks is gay, and using hygiene products (including toilet paper!) is feminine.

"That is apparently a newer trend among some of the Andrew Tate toxic 'alpha male' crew. A couple women have complained on other reddit subs about their partners no longer wiping or washing his butt. The general response is to tell him that they didn't marry a toddler and he needs to wipe his ass or leave."

5. Carrying an umbrella or wearing a coat is girly

Men vs umbrellas. It's an ongoing war as old as time itself.

“Umbrellas are for protection,” an expert told Buzzfeed. “Men often interpret protection from the weather as a subtle sign of weakness. Social norms dictate that men shouldn’t be afraid of getting wet, should embrace the elements, and don’t need protection. As antiquated as this may sound, it still rings true for many men. ‘Real men don’t need an umbrella, because real men aren’t afraid of the rain.’”

Same goes for jackets and coats:

"Also, the whole 'men don’t need a jacket/coat/feel the cold.'Like DUDE it’s literally snowing and you’re shaking. Take my jacket you’re being sad rn"


6. Real men don't wear purple/pink

"My ex father in law told me 'real men don't wear purple.' It was a f*cking throwback Randy Moss jersey."

An oldie but a goodie: Real alphas don't wear girly colors! Only problem is, there's nothing inherently feminine about pink, purple, yellow, or any color, really. And that's not just lip service: Pink even used to be known as primarily a masculine color, so maybe we're the ones who have it backwards.


7. Alpha males don't cook

gif, cook, Gordon RamseyGiphy

"Men shouldn’t cook! …. I mean men don’t eat? So why shouldn’t they cook?"

"It's weird. When I tell people I do most of the cooking at home, I get weird faces and comments"

"[It's OK] to cook and get payed for it but if you do it for free for yourself or your family it’s weird."

This is a weird one, because outside of needing to occasionally cook for yourself so you, you know, don't die of starvation — many of the world's greatest and most successful chefs are men. Guess they're all beta losers!

8. Alpha males don't wash their hands, care about their appearance, or tend to basic hygiene

We've already learned the unfortunate truth that some men are too fragile in their heterosexuality to wipe their butt, but the problem sadly and grossly extends even further.

"Every time I go to the bathroom I reckon about a third of men actually wash their hands and half of that use soap"

Maybe it's because they're being told by segments of the manosphere that wanting to be clean or, God forbid, smell good, is girly and beta behavior.


9. Real men save up their magical semen

The manosphere has all kinds of ridiculous notions about male reproductive fluid, including that it can cure women's depression and that they can get addicted to it. Really! They also say it contains a man's life force and must be cherished at all costs.

"Most proponents of semen retention also say it gives them more confidence and self-control, less anxiety and depression, increased motivation, better memory, concentration and improved cognitive function," say the experts at Healthy Male. "Again, there is no evidence to support these claims."

For the record, there really is no such thing as "alpha males" in humans.

The term is loosely based on a problematic and recanted study involving the social hierarchies of wolves. Even in some primate species, where alphas do exist, it's rarely based on which one is the biggest or strongest alone. Humans are more complicated still. There are traits in men that are correlated with "social dominance," like being tall, having a deep voice, or sporting a handsome face. But there really is no one type of male person that is better or more desirable than another, and there is no exact set of behaviors that can be adopted to guarantee all the riches life has to offer. Even if there was, I'd be willing to bet that "not wiping your butt," would not be one of them.

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Joy

The 17 harsh truths about aging that people were never 'prepared' for

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down."

via Kindel Media/Pexels

A woman contemplating aging

Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received over 2,700 responses.

A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.



Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

1. There is an end

"You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do."

"That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end."

2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

"No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!"

3. Mind/body detachment

"How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing."

"This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me... Eyes... hair (gray, but at least I still have it)... back... knees... hips... prostate."



4. The past feels closer than it is

"When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago."

"When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment."

Time flies isn't just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That's why when you're 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

5. Stuck in the wrong time

"I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone."



6. You lose friends

"If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don't see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don't have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely."

"To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird."

7. Your parents are aging, too

"It's not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older."

"I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids' stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her."

8. Time wasted caring about other people's opinions

"It’s so freeing when that old twinge of 'why don’t they like me' pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!"

"Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!"



9. Your friends die

"Your friends start to die. It's something I never thought about."

10. Time flies

"Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by."

"Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me."

11. The monotony sets in

"You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It's boring, and it's too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again...."

12. You become invisible to much of society

"I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I'm still asking myself when that happened."



13. Adults aren't real

"When you're a kid, you can't wait to 'grow up,' and then you do, and you're still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn't change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you're just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life's 'surprises.' On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We're all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill."

14. Priorities change

"Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important."

15. Younger people's reverence

"I'm middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it's funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I've seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I'm a very proper-looking classy older lady."

16. Ageism

"Doors start closing once you reach a certain age."

"Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person's career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it's 'we'll get back to you.'"

17. It all catches up

"Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending ... they will catch up. When you're young you think you're different, or you think that when it does catch up you'll be old so who cares, I won't care when I'm old anyway. You will care, though. You'll still be you. Those things won't seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it's too late to take them back."

This article originally appeared last year.
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