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People are sharing the marriage advice that 'sounded absurd' but is actually really helpful

Here are 19 of the best responses.

marriage advice, marriage tips, divorce
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Work at it every single day folks.


The best advice isn’t always obvious, or else we would have thought of it ourselves. It often comes out of left field and can be counterintuitive. When it comes to marriage, the best advice tends to be centered around keeping a focus on the long game.

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was, “Buy her a bottle of shampoo from time to time without her asking.” Now, that doesn’t mean to get shampoo specifically, but just pick up something here and there to show you care and are thinking about her.


Marriage, if done right, is forever, so that often means taking a loss in the short-term to enjoy the long-term benefits of a happy life with someone. This is great as a concept but in practice can be pretty darn hard, day in and day out.

Hence why about 50% of American marriages end in divorce.

Reddit user thecountnotthesaint put out a call to the AskMen forum for some of the best marriage advice that “sounded absurd” but was actually helpful.

The question was inspired by some advice the Reddit user had received from their father, who claimed that a king-sized bed is the key to a happy marriage. "I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we made aside from getting married and having kids," they wrote.

A lot of the advice was about being careful not to escalate small disagreements into larger arguments that could turn personal and ugly. A lot of people think that to have a successful marriage means being able to compromise and to let things go quickly.

Here are some of the best responses to the question, “What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot on helpful?”

1.

"Dad said 'Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe especially if you’re not feeling it.'” — semantician

2. 

"At my wedding, my wife's Grandmother offered so funny, weird, solid advice. She said, 'If you get angry with each other, go to bed naked and see if you can resolve it before you go to sleep.' So far, so good. Anniversary on Monday!" — drizzyjdracco

3. 

"The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing. Source: married 15 years." — LemonFizzy0000

4. 

"My grandfather told me 'Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.' What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking." — t480

5. 

"When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy.' So I did. I didn't know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor. The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide." — wordserious

6. 

"Focus on tackling the problem, not each other." — bobbobbobbobbob123

7. 


"Don’t have too high of expectations. My dad told us that, but we found most of our early fights were when one or the other had unspoken expectations of the other or marriage. It is positively life changing to be married, and an amazing experience, but still life goes on."— nopants_ranchdance

8. 

"Marry him for who he is. Not his potential." — There-is-No-beyond

9. 


"My stepmom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude: 'The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss.' So, like, yea for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit. If/when she's gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too. Don't nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know she has made progress on other things I've pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes)." — drewkungfu

10. 

"Say thank you for day to day things, even taking out the trash, sweeping the floor, or folding laundry. Audibly hearing thank you reinforces the feeling of being appreciated." — BVolatte

11. 

"Randomly give your partner a cold beverage on a hot day. It's the little things that show you care." — Purple12Inchruler

12. 


"You don't just marry her, you marry her whole damn family." — crazypersn

13. 

"One of my colonels told me: 'Just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.'"— MgoBlue702

14. 

"Be honest. Don't lie to your partner." — Mikeydeeluxe

15. 

"Don’t marry a woman whose dad calls her 'princess,' because she probably believes it. Much to his regret, my brother ignored this advice from our dad." — Toadie9622

16. 

"My fiance always says that 'just because' flowers are the best kind of flowers." — agaribay1010

17. 

"My Gramps who was married for over 50 yrs said: 'tell her you love her every single day.' Kind of obvious, but I definitely took it to heart." — sorellk

18. 

"Love isn’t about having 'nice feelings for each other.' It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to." — sirplaind

19. 


"Bill Maher said "The three most important words in a relationship aren't 'I love you', they're 'let it go.' Oddly, this has proven to be some of the best relationship advice I've ever heard." — KrssCom


This article originally appeared on 05.30.22

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Parenting

When a Patagonia employee breastfed her baby in a meeting her male VP's response was a masterclass in workplace values

Talk about a "family-friendly workplace."

Holly Morissette/LinkedIn

Years after it happened, Patagonia's approach to the "family-friendly workplace" is a whole new level that still deserves our attention - and praise.

The outdoor clothing and gear company has made a name for itself by putting its money where its mouth is. From creating backpacks out of 100% recycled materials to donating their $10 million tax cut to fight climate change to refusing to sell to clients who harm the environment, Patagonia leads by example.

That dedication to principle is clear in its policies for parents who work for them, as evidenced by a 2019 viral post from Holly Morisette, a recruiter at Patagonia.

Morisette wrote on LinkedIn:

"While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said...'There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge.'

It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a 'call to action'. A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families.

That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass.

It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. "


Holly Morissette on LinkedIn: "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting the other day after a recent return from maternity leave, our VP (Dean Carter) turned to me and said..."There is no way to measure the ROI on that. But I know it's huge." It got me thinking...with the immense gratitude that I have for on-site childcare at Patagonia comes a responsibility to share a “call to action". A PSA to tout the extraordinary benefits that come along with not asking employees to make the gut wrenching decision to either leave their jobs or leave their babies. TO HAVE TO LEAVE THEIR JOBS OR LEAVE THEIR BABIES. That perhaps just one person will brave the subject with their employer (big or small) in the hopes that it gets the wheels turning to think differently about how to truly support working families. That with a bit of creativity, and a whole lot of guts, companies can create a workplace where mothers aren't hiding in broom closets pumping milk, but rather visiting their babies for large doses of love and serotonin before returning to their work and kicking ass. It's no wonder that Patagonia has 100% retention of moms. Keeping them close to their babies keeps them engaged. And engaged mothers (and fathers!) get stuff done. Thank you, Patagonia, for leading the way. " www.linkedin.com


Just the first eight words of Morisette's post are extraordinary. "While nursing my baby during a morning meeting..."

As if that's totally normal. As if everyone understands that working moms can be much more engaged and efficient in their jobs if they can feed their baby while they go over sales figures. As if the long-held belief that life and work must be completely separate is a construct that deserves to be challenged.

And then the comment from her male colleague about the ROI (Return on Investment) of breastfeeding—witty, considering the time and place, and yet so supportive.

On-site childcare so that parents don't have to choose between leaving their jobs or leaving their babies. Letting life integrate with work so that working families don't have to constantly feel torn in two different directions. Flexibility in meetings and schedules. Allowing for the natural rhythms and needs of breastfeeders. Making childcare as easy and accessible as possible so that employees can be more effective in their jobs.

All of this seems so profoundly logical, it's a wonder that more companies have not figured this out sooner. Clearly, it works. I mean, who has ever heard of a 100% retention rate for mothers?

Patagonia's got it goin' on. Let's hope more companies take their lead.


This article originally appeared on 8.16.19

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Democracy

Ohio dad begs politicians not to use his son's death to demonize Haitian migrants

Nathan Clark didn't mince words at a city commission meeting.

Photo by chris robert on Unsplash

11-year-old Aiden Clark was killed in a school bus accident in August of 2023.

Stoking fear about immigrants for political gain is nothing new, but a particularly heinous wave of fear-mongering over Haitian immigrants in Ohio has prompted one grieving family to speak out in a powerful way.

The parents of 11-year-old Aiden Clark, who was killed in a school bus accident in August of 2023, stood together at the podium at a Springfield City Commission meeting on September 10, 2024, begging people to stop invoking their son's name to spread hate. The driver of the minivan, 36-year-old Haitian immigrant Hermanio Joseph, crossed the centerline, colliding with the school bus carrying Aiden and around 50 other students and causing the crash. Aiden was killed and around 20 other students were injured in the accident.

Aiden Clark's father says he wasn't murdered

Along with spreading unfounded accusations of Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio, stealing and eating pets, some Republican politicians have used Aiden's death to support anti-immigrant rhetoric. Even vice presidential candidate JD Vance posted on X that "a child was murdered by a Haitian migrant," appearing to refer to the accident that killed Aiden.

"My son, Aiden Clark, was not murdered," Aiden's father, Nathan Clark, said at the meeting. "He was accidentally killed by an immigrant from Haiti. This tragedy is felt all over this community, this state and even the nation. But don’t spin this towards hate."

Clark didn't mince words sharing his feelings about how "reprehensible" it is that people would use his son's death as "a political tool."

"You know, I wish that my son, Aiden Clark, was killed by a 60-year-old white man. I bet you never thought anyone would ever say something so blunt. But if that guy killed my 11-year-old son, the incessant group of hate-spewing people would leave us alone," Clark said.

"The last thing that we need is to have the worst day of our lives violently and constantly shoved in our faces. But even that’s not good enough for them," he continued. "They take it one step further. They make it seem as though our wonderful Aiden appreciates your hate. That we should follow their hate. And look what you’ve done to us. We have to get up here and beg them to stop."

Nathan clark asks people to "live like Aiden"

Clark pointed to specific politicians who have invoked his son's name "for political gain" and called for such rhetoric to end.

"This needs to stop now," he said. "They can vomit all the hate they want about illegal immigrants, the border crisis, and even untrue claims about fluffy pets being ravaged and eaten by community members. However, they are not allowed, nor have they ever been allowed, to mention Aiden Clark from Springfield, Ohio. I will listen to them one more time to hear their apologies."

Clark said that Aiden "researched different cultures to better appreciate and understand people he interacted with." He said he told his son he would try to make a difference in his honor and invited people to "live like Aiden."

"In order to live like Aiden, you need to accept everyone," he said. "Choose to shine. Make the difference. Lead the way and be the inspiration. What many people in this community and state and nation are doing is the opposite of what you should be doing."

Springfield, Ohio, has seen an influx of Haitian immigrants over the past several years, with approximately 15,000 Haitians making their way to work in the struggling industrial town of nearly 60,000. The swift population growth has come with growing pains including rising rents due to increased demand and an increase in welfare and federal assistance. But contrary to the fear-mongering rhetoric, violent crime and property crime have not increased, according to Reuters.

Others in Springfield speak out against hate for Haitian migrants

The Clarks are not the only Springfield residents to come to the defense of Haitian immigrants in the wake of hateful allegations about them. Springfield metal factory owner Jamie McGregor told PBS NewsHour that he has hired 30 Haitians, about 10% of his workforce, and he wished he had 30 more.

"Our Haitian associates come to work every day," McGregor said. "They don't have a drug problem. They'll stay at their machine, they'll achieve their numbers. They are here to work."

The United Farm Workers labor union also spoke out about the baseless, disgusting allegations against Haitian migrant workers in a post on X.

"We organize with Haitian-origin farm workers in NY. They’re as American as the apple pie their work makes possible, but right wing racists are spreading dehumanizing lies. Haitians are not eating pets. They’re feeding America. The anti-Haitian bigotry we’re seeing is repulsive," the union wrote. "(Cannot believe this is something we need to say.)" they added.

And yet, the rumors about the Haitian population in Springfield persist in right-wing circles on social media.To be extra clear, a spokesperson for the Springfield police issued a statement saying, "In response to recent rumors alleging criminal activity by the immigrant population in our city, we wish to clarify that there have been no credible reports or specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community."

Unfortunately, using fear and prejudice against immigrants—or anyone easily deemed an "other"—has proven for decades to be an effective political strategy. Fueling our most primal instincts of self-preservation and fear of the unknown is the playbook dictators and autocrats have used time and again to rise to power and successfully commit atrocities. Especially when coupled with economic anxiety and times of uncertainty, scapegoating immigrants works. It may be an unjust and hateful strategy, but it works.

The more voices like Nathan Clark and Jamie McGregor and the United Farm Workers we have to counter the purposeful fear-mongering about specific populations, the better. There are legitimate conversations to be had about managing immigration and ensuring migration is handled in a sustainable way, but equating a car accident with murder and claiming without evidence that people are eating people's pets are not it.

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Popular

'Entitled parent' discovers airline moved their toddler's seat just before flight takes off

Another passenger behaving badly story takes a huge twist.

Photo by Steven Thompson on Unsplash

I took a long Amtrak train trip from Atlanta to Baltimore with my 9-year-old daughter this summer.

As far as I could tell, there was no way to reserve specific seats in coach on our particular train ahead of time. But we arrived as early as we could and, to our delight, were treated to a near empty train. We sat together in a two-person row and had a really nice trip up to Baltimore.

On the way back? We boarded at Union Station and the train, having arrived from New York, was already packed. The conductor told me he would try his best to seat us together but couldn't guarantee it. You should have seen the terror in my daughter's eyes.

It would be a 14-hour overnight train ride. Sitting her next to some stranger that whole time? Absolutely not. No way.

They eventually found us seats across an aisle from each other, which kind of worked, but wasn't ideal. Luckily, the guy I was supposed to sit next on the other side flew into a rage that he wouldn't have a row to himself and stormed off to sit elsewhere, freeing up the row for us.

But for a few horrible minutes, I had become "that dad" desperately asking anyone in the area if they'd be willing to move so we could sit together.

I had become the dreaded entitled parent from all the viral travel stories.

Stories of "entitled parents" desperately trying to get other passengers to switch seats go viral all the time. But a recent thread on Reddit shows why we don't always get the full story.

Description from Reddit of airplane seating snafuReddit

User u/takeme2themtns recently shared a nightmare travel story in the r/Delta subreddit:

"In typical Delta fashion, they just switched up our seats and placed my toddler in a row away from us," they wrote. "Booked three seats ... in comfort plus months ago. Now, several hours before the flight we get notifications that our seats have changed. They put wife and me in exit row seats and the toddler in a window seat a row away."

With no way to fix the seating snafu digitally, the OP would have to rely on the Gate Attendant or even Flight Attendant to make a last-minute change — which would force someone else on the plane to move.

"I’m confident the GA (gate attendant) will take care of it," they wrote, "but it’s still so frustrating that we have to worry about it. I know we see posts like this all the time, but that’s because it happens all the time to people. Delta needs to fix this trashy system."

Another user in the comments wrote to share a similar story:

"I had this happen to me. The check-in person said to talk to the gate.

The gate said to talk to the flight attendant.

The flight attendant told me to ask people to trade seats.

I asked people. People said no. Other passengers started berating me for not planning ahead and saying my lack of planning isn’t their responsibility.

I defended myself by saying I reserved seats months ago and Delta moved me at the last minute. Then passengers started yelling at each other about my situation.

The FA had someone move and I got to sit with my daughter."

The user noted that the situation was chaotic and traumatizing.

These stories are far from rare.


woman carrying baby while sitting on gray seat Photo by Paul Hanaoka on Unsplash

I found another story just like this from a few months ago on the r/United subreddit. The user's family booked seats together only for the system to separate them right before the flight, leaving an 8-year-old to fly seated alone. The flight crew's only solution was to ask other passengers to switch, causing the OP's family to get lots of dirty looks for the duration of the flight.

Having a young child or toddler seated away from you while traveling is just a complete No-Go, for many reasons. But as a dad, leaving a kid of nearly any age to sit alone — even if they're 8 or 10 or 14 — is not acceptable.

It's not just about convenience, it's a huge safety issue. There are plenty of horrifying news stories that support why a parent would do absolutely anything to avoid it.

When we hear these stories, they're almost always framed as the parents being unprepared, lazy, and entitled. But maybe we're missing the point.

boy sitting on plane seat while viewing window Photo by Hanson Lu on Unsplash

A story from January of this year praises a passenger who refused to switch seats with an "entitled dad" as a "hero."

People are fed up with parents asking them to switch out of airline or train seats that they paid good money for. And I don't blame them!

But we need to stop beating each other up and start holding the airlines and other travel companies accountability for putting parents and non-parents into this mess in the first place.

There needs to be a better system for families booking plane and train tickets. When you buy tickets, you have to enter in the ages of the children you're traveling with — so it stands to reason that these mix-ups flat out shouldn't happen!

Families shouldn't have to panic at the gate or on board about this! Other paying passengers shouldn't have to give up their seats!

The good news is that the Department of Transportation has recently gotten involved with a dashboard of which airlines guarantee family seating at no additional cost.

The DOT is looking to even make it illegal to for airlines to charge parents and children fees to sit together. Parents and children under 13 would be required to be seated side by side or immediately adjacent, and if not, they'd get a full refund or free rebooking — it's known as the Families Fly Together Act.

Traveling in 2024 is stressful enough, from seat changes to unruly passengers to high numbers of cancelled flights.

Seating kids and parents together seems like one small problem we should be able to solve.

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Gen Z has transformed the tragedy of September 11th into their biggest meme

Many of them weren't even alive when the Twin Towers fell.

i0.wp.com

Some see this as sociopathic, others view it as progress.

If there’s one thing Gen Z is known for (other than "brain rot" slang and reviving Y2K fashion) it’s their dark humor. From mental health struggles, to economic hardship to 24/7 distressing news stories, no topic seems off limits for a punchline to the generation whose inherent tech savviness is both a gift, and a curse.

Even 9/11, once a strictly somber day of remembrance that put comedians like Gilbert Godfried and Bill Maher on the chopping block for trying to make light of, is now fodder for countless Gen Z memes.

As stated in a recent Rolling Stone article, “To be on social media in 2024 is to be swimming in jokes and memes about 9/11. Things that might once have been whispered among friends are now shared by meme accounts with hundreds of thousands of followers.”

The article certainly back up this claim, listing everything from viral TikToks contrasting the year 2024 with 2001 (the button being reacting to the planes hitting towers) to using making self deprecating jabs with the Twin Towers as the main image, to mocking silly pop culture moments by juxtaposing it against the well known photo of George W. Bush being informed that the country was under attack.

911 memes, gen ZA meme that reads "I love those early 2000s aesthetics" juxtaposed against an image of the Twin Towers. i0.wp.com


But while these memes could be seen as something apathetic, even sociopathic, perhaps this is actually a sign of progress.

Professor Avery Holton, the chair of the Department of Communications at the University of Utah, shared with ABC News that—especially for a generation not even alive when this historical tragedy happened—the fact that they are “planting themselves into the conversation” at all potentially “brings[the event] back to the forefront so that it’s not forgotten and it still remains something that we talk about.”


@just.kuku0 gym guys am i right #fyp #kuku #fypシ #blowthisup #gymguy #funny #relatable #bodybuilding ♬ original sound - KuKu



And let’s remember, using gallows humor to cope with tragic events is nothing new. Only two weeks after the attacks the stiracl new site The Onion put out an issue dedicated to 9/11 titled “U.S. Vows to Defeat Whoever It Is We’re At War With.” Another example—when Harper’s Weekly published a series of cartoons showing then president-elect Abraham Lincoln using goofy disguises to thwart would-be assassins. Or the boomer inclination to make jokes about Pearl Harbor.



It’s really only the fact that, in a digitally prevalent world, that these jokes are easily mass produced, and therefore seem like a blanket perspective.

As many Gen Zers can attest, they are aware that 9/11 was a tragedy, they simply aren’t as emotionally triggered by it.

And honestly, non-stop online coverage of violence, how could they be? It can’t really come as a surprise that Gen Zers might want to conjure up a laugh, however sardonic, to combat feelings of powerlessness that come from a 24 hour news cycle. Perhaps Ben Collins, CEO of the Onion, said it best when he wrote, “Jokes get us through these moments because otherwise that helplessness can turn into rage.”

Perhaps this is yet another opportunity to actually learn from our younger counterparts. When humor gets so dark that it dehumanizes, that’s one thing. But when it’s used to cope with an equally dark world—that’s another. Often a sign of progress is being able to look at past tragedies without falling into despair. Maybe this is positive takeaway we can extract from these memes, even if we can’t fully understand them.

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Love Stories

Husband spends 2 years planting thousands of flowers to bring his blind wife joy

Husband plants thousands of flowers for his blind wife to smell.

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Flowers are a great way to express your feelings for someone. Red roses say, "I love you," but a whole garden of pink flowers screams it. One husband took the romantic gesture of getting your wife flowers to the next level.

Mr. and Mrs. Kuroki got married in 1956, and Mrs. Kuroki joined her husband on his dairy farm in Shintomi, Japan, The Telegraph reports. The couple lived a full life and had two kids. After 30 years of marriage, the couple planned on retiring and traveling around Japan, but those plans were soon dashed.

When she was 52, Mrs. Kuroki lost her vision due to complications from diabetes. Her blindness hit her hard, and she began staying inside all day. Mr. Kuroki knew his wife was depressed and wanted to do something to cheer her up.

Mr. Kuroki noticed some people stopping to admire his small garden of pink shibazakura flowers (also known as moss phlox) and got an idea. He couldn't take his wife to see the world, so he had to make the world come to his wife.

Mr. Kuroki decided to plant more of the flowers in his garden, hoping they would attract more visitors and cheer up his wife. He knew she wouldn't be able to see them, but she would be able to smell them, and their pleasant aroma might bring her some joy. Mr. Kuroki spent two years planting thousands of flowers just so he could put a smile on his wife's face.

光失った妻に芝桜を 黒木敏幸さんと靖子さん夫妻 宮崎www.youtube.com

The plan worked and the stunning garden began drawing visitors to the location. A decade after Mr. Kuroki first planted the garden, the amazing love story behind it has turned the dairy farm in rural Japan into a major tourist attraction.

The garden draws up to 7,000 people a day when the flowers are in bloom in March and April. Their cowshed, which once held 60 cows, has been turned into a display telling their love story. Most importantly, Mrs. Kuroki loves the visitors and can be seen walking around the garden and smiling.

You can visit Mr. and Mrs. Kuroki's flowers with your significant other, but they better be prepared to answer questions as to why they've never done anything like that for you.


This article originally appeared on 7.18.19

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