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12.09.24
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Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?
Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia, from democracy to breastfeeding in public to how often people ought to wash their sheets. But perhaps the most silly-yet-surprisingly heated household debate is the one in which we argue over which way to hang the toilet paper roll.
The "over or under" question has plagued marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years, with both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under. Some people feel so strongly about right vs. wrong TP hanging that they will even flip the roll over when they go to the bathroom in the homes of strangers.
Contrary to popular belief, it's not merely an inconsequential preference. According to health experts and the man who invented the toilet paper roll, there is actually a "correct" way to hang toilet paper.
What is the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper?
First, let's be clear about what we're even talking about here with a visual. In the image below, left is "over" and right is "under."
Toilet paper hung "over" (left) and "under" (right)Elya/Wikimedia Commons
So which one is the right way? According to health experts, "over" is the way to go.
"One key to maintaining a hygienic washroom is minimising contact between people and surfaces," Dr. Christian Moro, associate professor of health sciences and medicine at Bond University on Australia's Gold Coast, told Australian Broadcasting Corporation. "Depending on the type of roll holder, [hanging the toilet paper "over"] often lowers the chance that a user will touch the wall behind when fishing for paper, leaving germs behind on that surface which can be spread to the next user."
Picture it: Grabbing the end of the toilet paper when it's hung "over" means you only touch the part of the toilet paper you're going to use. When it's "under," you sometimes have to fish for it or scrape your fingers on the wall in order to grab the loose end. In addition to whatever might be on people's hands already, think about all the people who wipe twice, potentially transferring fresh fecal matter or other bacteria to the wall on the second pass, which then get picked up by other people who inadvertently touch that wall when trying to grab their TP.
Theoretically, we all should have become better hand washers during the pandemic, scrubbing with soap for the full 20 seconds it takes to remove bacteria. But I wouldn't be willing to bet on it.
Empty toilet paper roll.via Canva/Photos
And touching any surface in a bathroom is pretty nasty, according to a study from the University of Colorado. As Inc. reported: "Using a high-tech genetic sequencing tool, researchers identified 19 groups of bacteria on the doors, floors, faucet handles, soap dispensers, and toilets of 12 public restrooms in Colorado — six men’s restrooms and six women’s restrooms. Many of the bacteria strains identified could be transmitted by touching contaminated surfaces."
Bacteria means things like e.coli, which is a common source of food poisoning and one of the most common bacteria found on bathroom surfaces in the study. If you've ever had a bout of food poisoning, I'm sure you'll agree that a toilet paper roll hanging preference isn't worth risking it.
But sanitary health concerns aren't the only argument for the "over" camp. After all, the original patent for the toilet paper roll, issued in 1891, clearly shows the TP in the "over" position. Thank you for the clarity right from the get go, Mr. Wheeler.
The toilet paper roll was patented by Seth Wheeler in 1891.Public Domain
In Wheeler's patent, the perforated toilet paper hangs on a roll in the "over" position. In the words of the patent, the sheets of TP are “partially separated, having their points of attachment arranged in a novel manner, whereby each sheet will easily separate from the series as it is drawn from the roll, there being no litter occasioned, and any waste of paper is thereby prevented.”
Now, before the "under" folks come running with their pitchforks, there are some understandable exceptions to the "over" rule. Namely: cats and kids.
If you have a furry friend or a tiny toddler who likes to unroll the toilet paper roll, "over" makes it super fun for them, while "under" stops them in their tracks. For many people, cats and kids are the primary motivator of their TP hanging habits.
That doesn't change the fact that "over" is actually the "correct" way to hang toilet paper according to health science and the inventor's intention, of course, but "under" is certainly preferable to having a pile of TP on the floor.
Now go forth, do that with information as you will, and try to make peace with your over vs. under rivals.
This article originally appeared last year.
Michelle Obama, Stephen Colbert and Michelle Yeoh are all Gen Jonesers.
The Silent Generation. Baby boomers. Gen X. Millennials. Gen Z. Gen Alpha. Social science and pop culture commentators have spent decades grouping and analyzing the different generations, assigning various qualities, habits and tendencies to each age group. But some people don’t identify with their generation, or at least these particular categories of them. Those on the cusp between two generations often feel like neither aligns with who they are..
That’s where Generation Jones comes in.
Like the Xennials that straddle Gen X and millennials, Generation Jones are not quite boomers but not quite Gen X. For most of their lives, those born between 1954 and 1965 have been lumped in with the baby boomers, but culturally they’ve never quite fit.
Keanu Reeves is a Gen Joneser. That's how you know it's the best generation. media4.giphy.com
They were too young to be involved in the major civil rights, women’s liberation and Vietnam war movements of the 60s, instead witnessing those social upheavals through children’s eyes. But they were also too old to identify with the Gen X latchkey kid angst.
Jonathan Pontell is the television producer, director, and writer who named Generation Jones and explained what made them unique. “We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged,” he wrote in Politico in 2009.
He also explained why Gen Jonesers make good leaders:
“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs."
“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while Boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-Boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead.”
Many Generation Jonesers have never felt like they had a generational home and are thrilled to learn they actually do have one. Check out how Upworthy readers responded with glee upon discovering they were a part of Gen Jones:
"Thank you! As a definite Gen Jones, I completely relate to this. Too young to be a hippy, therefore was never a yuppy, but too old to be Gen X. Gen Jones works just fine."
It's nice to finally belong. Upworthy Facebook
"I have said for decades that I must be a transitional person into Gen X, because I don’t relate to boomers! I appreciate them, but I am not one of them. I am glad someone finally named my generation!"
"There are definite differences between people born in the 1940s/1950s and those of us born in the early 1960s. Most of us born in the early 1960s do not remember the JFK assassination and we were much too young to participate in Woodstock. The older Boomers were already established in their careers and as homeowners with families in the 1980s when we were in our 20s just starting out and ready to buy our first home. While the older Boomers experienced reasonable mortgage interest rates, the early 1960s Boomers faced mortgage interest rates averaging 14 percent in the 1980s which made it more difficult for us to buy our first home. We definitely need an additional group between Boomers and Gen X, and Generation Jones fits the bill."
"I was born 6 days before 1960…. I’ve felt out of touch with a lot of the boomer life descriptions, and not Gen X enough to fit in there. I’ll take Generation Jones."
Ten points to Gen Jones.Upworthy Facebook
"1957 here, with older siblings born before 1950. I definitely did not have the same experience growing up that they had. I feel I can identify a little with Boomers and a little with the Gen X experience, so there’s some overlap. (BTW, Gen X needs to stop claiming that they’re the first to have experienced all the things we grew up with. Kids, you didn’t invent drinking out of the garden hose or playing outside until the streetlights came on. Sheesh!) Glad to be a Joneser."
"Of course there is a difference between people raised in the 1950’s and people raised and coming of age in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Society changed a lot in those three decades."
"This is my generation but I never knew we had a name! The description fits perfectly."
Congrats on finding your people, Gen Jones. It's your time to shine.
This article originally appeared last year.
via Canva/Photos
A man and two women having a fun conversation.
Babbel's Biggest Sale of the Year: Get 65% off for Memorial Day!
There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.
Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.
A group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos
What is the 30-second rule?
New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:
At work:
“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”
“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”
At a party:
“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”
“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”
On a date:
“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”
“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”
A man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos
Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.
The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.
How does encouragement make people feel?
A man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos
Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.
Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”
Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.
Johnny Cohen/Unsplash
Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit
It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones. It's why people assume if you have family nearby that you're "so lucky," and that you're overrun with free babysitting offers. Ha! If only.
The bad news comes down to one phrase: "When are you bringing them over?" Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.
Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.
Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents
A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."
"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"
The post struck a nerve with parents, who chimed in with hundreds of passionate comments. The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.
Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed
Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. In fact, they like to dedicate massive pieces of furniture only to housing their fine china, which they never use, but which is also extremely valuable and sentimental.
And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.
The breakable decor found in every grandparents' house
ozalee.fr/Flickr
"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.
Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down
Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.
"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."
A visit at the grandparents' house is often not a fun catch-up time for mom and dad. It's rare to get to sit down and have an adult conversation when they're busy trying to play Safety Police. It's common to leave one of these visits frustrating and like it wasn't really a visit at all.
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems
Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.
It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath. In the case of the OP mom and her parents that are "just" 30 minutes away, that's an entire hour of just driving, not counting any visiting time. If anyone's ever driven with young kids, you know that's an eternity! For a drive like that, you need snacks, you need entertainment. You may have to clean up spills, deal with traffic tantrums, or pull over to break up a fight. It's really a lot of work.
Naps and routines go to hell
Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.
Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night. You can and will try, bringing your little pack-and-play and your best intentions, but the process will be draining and probably unsuccessful.
And then guess what? You're totally screwed when you go home later, yay!
Kids with special needs require even more consistency
Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors. This adds even more stress to parents and makes the visits even less fun and satisfying in the end.
Explaining and mediating the generational divide
It may be hard to navigate, but a positive child-grandparent relationship is such a powerful thing.
Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash
Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?
Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?
Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.
"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.
But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!
Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.
"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.
"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."
Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?
"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.
"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."
Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids. We all have the same goal. Just look at how incredible it can be when everything goes right:
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."
Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.
This article was originally posted last year. It has been updated.
From Your Site Articles
Gaslighting can leave you feeling confused and unsure of yourself.
The term "gaslighting" has become a popular, everyday term, but there's still some confusion about what it means. Part of the reason is that the word has been misused so many times that the definition has become fuzzier. But another reason is that gaslighting itself is confusing for the person on the receiving end. Even if you know what gaslighting is, it's not always clear when or if it's happening to you.
To provide a brief explanation, gaslighting is a manipulation technique in which someone purposefully and maliciously makes someone question their reality. Abusers and narcissists will often use gaslighting to wear down their victims' sense of self as a means of establishing and maintaining control over them.
In a relationship, gaslighting can look like denying that something happened and telling the person they're crazy for how they're remembering it. It can look like flat-out lying about something the victim knows for sure to be true. It can look like invalidating someone's feelings and telling them they're overreacting. It can look like being cruel and then claiming it was just a joke or making the victim believe they're at fault for something the perpetrator did.
Woman looking tired and confused.Canva Photos.
Sometimes, however, people use gaslighting to describe basic disagreements or arguing from different perspectives, like simply saying, "That's not what happened," or "That's not how I remember it." Actual gaslighting is intentional in its impact on the victim. People can have different memories of how something happened and disagree vehemently, but if a person isn't purposely trying to alter someone's sense of reality, it's not gaslighting.
Similarly, telling someone to calm down and not take things personally may not be a sensitive way to respond to a person who's upset, but it doesn't automatically equate to gaslighting, either. Gaslighting requires a malicious intent to manipulate and control.
As Dr. Robin Stern, author of the book The Gaslight Effect (2007) describes gaslighting on Psychology Today:
"Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person’s psychological manipulation causes another person to question their reality. Gaslighting can happen between two people in any relationship. A gaslighter preserves his or her sense of self and power over the gaslightee, who adopts the gaslighter’s version of reality over their own."
Gaslighting also isn't confined to a one-time event, but is more a a pattern of behavior. The gaslighter's repeated distortions and denials wear the victim down over time, making them doubt themselves and question their reality. That's part of what makes it hard to spot from the inside, since someone being gaslit is likely to question whether it's really happening.
If you detect an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship, it's important to seek professional help from therapist, especially if you suspect gaslighting may be at play. But having a tool to clarify what you're experiencing and help determine what kind of help is needed can be useful.
Psychology Today offers a 20-question online self-test to help you assess whether gaslighting might be a problem in your relationship. The test takes about three minutes and includes statements like "This person makes me feel like I'm unstable," "This person tells me that other people are not trustworthy," and "I choose my words carefully when I'm with this person." After responding to each statement with one of five answers ranging from Always to Never, the test tells you how likely it is that gaslighting is an issue in that relationship based on your answers. Possible outcomes include no signs, few signs, some signs, strong signs or very strong signs of gaslighting.
The test results page also provides more detail about what gaslighting is, things to watch out for so you can spot it, and tips for what to do if you are being gaslit in you relationship.
"The healthiest course of action, in most cases, is to end the relationship or significantly reduce contact," the site states. "Leaving a gaslighting relationship is challenging but possible. Confrontation is rarely effective; instead, trust your instincts, gather evidence, reduce or cut off contact, and seek help from friends, family, or a therapist."
Therapy session.Canva Photos.
Find the Psychology Today gaslighting self-test here. (And if you need a therapist to help you with your relationship struggles, you can search by location, insurance, and specialty on the website's "Find a Therapist" database of providers here.)
This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.