Man who now uses a wheelchair explains ableism, and it's a must-read for us all
People who are able-bodied aren't always aware of the daily realities of people who live with disabilities. Unless someone moves through life in a body that works differently, or lives with someone who does, how could they?
Unfortunately, that lack of awareness is too often paired with assumptions, judgments, and attitudes about disabled bodies that cause harm. A man who grew up able-bodied and now uses a wheelchair explained in a Facebook post shared by Disabled Magazine how ableism—discrimination in favor of able-bodied people—manifests in subtle ways.
Carson Tueller shared two photos of himself—one where he was standing, and one six years later with him in a wheelchair. He didn't share in his post why he's in a wheelchair, other than he had an injury, because it doesn't matter. The point of the post isn't his disability, but rather the tendency for fully abled bodies to be held up as ideal while every other body is seen as defective.
RELATED: #AbledsAreWeird offers a brilliant taste of the everyday crap people with disabilities deal with.
For some, the idea that able bodies aren't ideal might feel challenging. ("Of course fully able bodies are ideal! Isn't that just the reality?") But as Tueller points out, "A body with more function is not better than a body with less function."
Tueller wrote:
"So, what happened to you?"
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"Why the chair, man?"
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"So, like, were you born this way?"
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When I was newly injured, I was shocked at how bluntly I was asked such personal questions about my body. I slowly realized that people saw my body as a deviation from a norm, and they wanted to know how my body became the way it was.
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I used to be agitated by this. I would stick out my hand, say, "Hi, I'm Carson", give a patronizing smile, and leave. Now, I'm much more patient because I understand what is at the core of the questions:
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It's ableism.
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I don't say that in a blame-y, angry way. I just mean that relating to disabled bodies as a deviation from "able" bodies, and holding "able" bodies as ideal, is ableism. Much like relating to any race other than white as a deviation from white, and holding whiteness as ideal, is racism. Pretty simple.
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Ability, just like race, color, gender, and sexuality, lies on a spectrum. While all bodies function differently, that difference in function does not equate to a difference in value. A body with more function is not better than a body with less function.
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Read that last sentence again, because if you get what I'm actually saying, you'll see it's a pretty radical statement.
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If this is confronting to you, or if this seems impossible, or *actually* untrue, welcome to internalized ableism!
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Don't worry, we've all got some. ❤️
RELATED: This company has huge aspirations for reducing the unemployment rate for disabled folks.
Checking ableism means challenging our notion of what is considered "good", "better", or "normal" in the realm of ability. These are values that are arbitrarily assigned to a class on a spectrum, and I say it's time to change that!
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The man on the left, 6 years ago, is no more valuable because he is standing and has a fully functioning spinal cord than the man on the right. These bodies are of equal value and worth.
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They are different, and both are worthy and valuable. Nothing is wrong with either of them.
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Addressing ableism in society will free all of us. If you have a body, this conversation is about you. By altering our idea of what it means to have a human body, we make it possible for all people to love the bodies they live in. ❤️"
Those of us who don't belong to a marginalized group have to rely on the voices and experiences of those within it to help us understand how we unintentionally contribute to their marginalization. Thanks to Mr. Tueller for helping explain how to celebrate all bodies as fully human and fully valuable, regardless of where they fall on the ability spectrum.
Our mouths loves chips. Our bodies not so much.Photo by 
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.