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It doesn't matter whether Brett Kavanaugh is 'guilty' of sexual assault.

For the past week, Americans have argued about whether or not Brett Kavanaugh is guilty of sexual assault. But at this point, it doesn’t really matter.

Of course, his guilt or innocence matters in some contexts. It matters to him and his loved ones. It matters to Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford and her loved ones. It matters to the sexual assault victims who see themselves in Ford’s testimony. It matters to our public discourse surrounding sexual violence.

But as far as whether or not Brett Kavanaugh should be confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice—which is why we’re all here to begin with—it doesn’t matter. At this point, even if the various sexual assault allegations against him were 100% false, even if it’s all a “sham” as Lindsey Graham claims, even if this is one great big partisan hit job to make him appear unfit, none of it would matter.

The Senate screens a candidate for SCOTUS so that they can “advise and consent” on the nominee. In doing so, they’re examining not only his education and judicial record, but also whether or not he has what it takes to serve a lifetime appointment in the highest judicial office in the land.

Naturally, putting an attempted rapist on the bench would not be an ideal choice, but we don’t have definitive proof of that. What we do have now is undeniable proof that he is not fit for the job.  

Brett Kavanaugh disqualified himself in the Senate hearing with behavior unbefitting a Supreme Court Justice.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that he is completely innocent of all allegations. How he responds to such allegations is still important. How he behaves when questioned, how he expresses himself, how he comports himself under pressure—these are all aspects of “judicial temperament” that the Senate needs to take into consideration.

The concept of judicial temperament is somewhat elusive. While there is no definitive description of what it looks like, we tend to know it when we see it—and more importantly, we know it when we don’t.

The American Bar Association simplifies what makes a good judge in its online curriculum for educators with a list of character qualities which we might consider when defining "judicial temperament":

Civil

Humble

Courteous

Patient

Empathetic

Trustworthy

Honest

Skeptical yet trusting

Open-minded

Fair

A good listener

Someone who asks questions

Unbiased

Perceptive

Helpful

Realistic

Self-confident

Efficient

Firm and in control

Effective

Diligent

Reputable

Responsive

Deliberative

Diversity conscious

Recognized member of community

Good role model

If those are the qualities we should expect from any judge, a nominee for the Supreme Court should exemplify them to the highest degree. Did Judge Kavanaugh exemplify each of these qualities to the highest degree in that Senate hearing, while under oath, in front of the entire nation?

On several counts, no, he did not.

His partisan jabs show that he is not “unbiased,” and his demonstrable lies knock out “honest.”

A judge who is supposed to be impartial and unbiased doesn’t say things like, “This whole two-week effort has been a calculated and orchestrated political hit, fueled with apparent pent-up anger about President Trump and the 2016 election. Fear that has been unfairly stoked about my judicial record. Revenge on behalf of the Clintons. and millions of dollars in money from outside left-wing opposition groups.” I mean, really.

A judge who is supposed to be honest doesn’t say that “boofed” and “Devil’s Triangle” are innocent drinking terms when everyone who is familiar with those terms know that they are salacious euphemisms for specific sex acts. A judge who is honest doesn’t try to make obvious youthful transgressions, no matter how embarrassing, into something they are not.

An honest person, when confronted with undignified things they were obviously party to in the past, says, “I did some things in my past that I am not proud of. The culture in which I spent my youth had many toxic and unhealthy elements to it, and I did and said things I regret and am embarrassed by. I have learned a lot and changed a lot since then.” They don’t keep saying all they did was go to church, play sports, drink responsibly, and not have sex.

Even if he were innocent of all sexual assault allegations, it’s obvious that he was immersed in a heavy partying culture in high school and college that all of us recognize. Why not just own up to that? Sometimes telling the truth is hard, but if you’re trying to be a Supreme Court Justice, there’s no room for any dishonesty of any kind, especially under oath.

Perhaps most disturbing was his barely contained rage and his disrespectful interchanges with Senators. What I saw was not “civil,” “courteous,” and “firm and in control.”

I went into the hearing with an open mind, and was honestly shocked by Kavanaugh’s behavior. I’ve never seen anything like that from someone who is supposed to be a highly respected professional. When Senator Klobuchar asked him if he’d ever drunk so much that he didn’t remember something, his response was "You're asking about blackout. I don't know, have you?" Who says that? Then after she calmly asked him to answer the question, he doubled down about her drinking again.

I'm pretty sure this isn't what the ABA means by "Someone who asks questions." Why would you not simply answer the question?

Sen. Klobuchar and Kavanaugh share tense exchange over judge's drinking habits

Sen. Klobuchar: There’s never been a case where you drank so much that you didn’t remember what happened the night before?Judge Kavanaugh: “I don't know. Have you?”…Klobuchar: “I have no drinking problem, Judge.”Kavanaugh: “Nor do I.” https://nbcnews.to/2N6dSVZ

Posted by NBC News on Thursday, September 27, 2018

To his credit, he apologized to the Senator afterward. However, the fact that it happened in the first place is unacceptable. So was his yelling throughout the hearing.

People keep saying that he has a right to be upset and that anyone would respond with that level of anger at being falsely accused. But he’s not just anyone—he’s the nominee for the highest judicial position in the land.

It's not like this accusation had just happened that morning and he was having a knee-jerk reaction. He had at least ten days to gather his emotions and composure before appearing before the Senate. I don’t fault him for arriving at the hearing ready to defend himself; however, I do fault him for being unable to do so with the decorum that we should expect from a Supreme Court Justice.

Whether he sexually assaulted anyone is not the most relevant question, especially since it’s unlikely to be definitively proven one way or another. The question is whether he has what it takes to do the job he’s lined up for.

As a Supreme Court Justice, he will be subjected to unending hate mail, his character and beliefs will be constantly attacked, and his motivations for his judgments will be called into question every single time. He has to be able to handle those attacks with self-control, civility, and impartiality. That’s the job.

And he has proven, beyond a reasonable doubt, that he’s not up for it.

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Now's your chance to help someone doing good in your community win $1000 towards the charity of their choice

Upworthy and P&G are back with the #ActsOfGood Awards.

Images provided by P&G

Three winners will be selected to receive $1000 donated to the charity of their choice.

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Doing good is its own reward, but sometimes recognizing these acts of kindness helps bring even more good into the world. That’s why we’re excited to partner with P&G again on the #ActsOfGood Awards.

The #ActsOfGood Awards recognize individuals who actively support their communities. It could be a rockstar volunteer, an amazing community leader, or someone who shows up for others in special ways.

Do you know someone in your community doing #ActsOfGood? Nominate them between April 24th-June 3rdhere.Three winners will receive $1,000 dedicated to the charity of their choice, plus their story will be highlighted on Upworthy’s social channels. And yes, it’s totally fine to nominate yourself!

We want to see the good work you’re doing and most of all, we want to help you make a difference.

While every good deed is meaningful, winners will be selected based on how well they reflect Upworthy and P&G’s commitment to do #ActsOfGood to help communities grow.

That means be on the lookout for individuals who:

Strengthen their community

Make a tangible and unique impact

Go above and beyond day-to-day work

The #ActsOfGood Awards are just one part of P&G’s larger mission to help communities around the world to grow. For generations, P&G has been a force for growth—making everyday products that people love and trust—while also being a force for good by giving back to the communities where we live, work, and serve consumers. This includes serving over 90,000 people affected by emergencies and disasters through the Tide Loads of Hope mobile laundry program and helping some of the millions of girls who miss school due to a lack of access to period products through the Always #EndPeriodPoverty initiative.

Visit upworthy.com/actsofgood and fill out the nomination form for a chance for you or someone you know to win. It takes less than ten minutes to help someone make an even bigger impact.

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'90s kid shares the 10 lies that everyone's parent told them

"Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

via 90sKidforLife/TikTok (used with permission)

90sKidforLife shares 10 lies everyone's parents told in the era.


Children believe everything their parents tell them. So when parents lie to prevent their kids to stop them from doing something dumb, the mistruth can take on a life of its own. The lie can get passed on from generation to generation until it becomes a zombie lie that has a life of its own.

Justin, known as 90sKidforLife on TikTok and Instagram, put together a list of 10 lies that parents told their kids in the ‘90s, and the Gen X kids in the comments thought it was spot on.

“Why was I told EVERY ONE of these?” Brittany, the most popular commenter, wrote. “I heard all of these plus the classic ‘If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that,’” Amanda added. After just four days of being posted, it has already been seen 250,000 times.

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

@90skid4lyfe

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

Here are Justin’s 10 lies '90s parents told their kids:

1. "You can't drink coffee. It'll stunt your growth."

2. "If you pee in the pool, it's gonna turn blue."

3. "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows."

4. "If you eat those watermelon seeds, you'll grow a watermelon in your stomach."

5. "Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

6. "I told you we can't drive with the interior light on. ... It's illegal."

7. "Sitting that close to the TV is going to ruin your vision."

8. "If you keep cracking your knuckles, you're gonna get arthritis."

8. "You just ate, you gotta wait 30 minutes before you can swim."

10. "If you get a tattoo, you won't find a job."

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X-rayed couples prove that love truly is blind

Love is blind, and it only takes a few creepy skeletons to prove it.

Photo from Ad Council/YouTube.

An audience watches an X-ray screen showing skeletons in love.

In this video from the Ad Council, they brilliantly use an X-ray screen to show couples as skeletons in love, but it's when they reveal the true identities of the people that they really pull at the old heartstrings.

Apparently love really is blind, and it only takes a few creepy bone people to prove it.

Watch the video below:

This article originally appeared on 03.04.15

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Woman fights to give her baby a name that her husband says is 'abusive'

Some traditions just don't feel right in 2024.

via Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

A family fights over a baby name.

When it comes to parenting, the second most important decision—after whether to have a child or not—is choosing a name for the kid. Even though we live in times where parents are getting more and more creative about picking a name for their children, those with a more common name have a greater chance of being socially accepted than those without.

According to Psychology Today, grade-school kids with highly unusual names or names with negative associations tend to be “less popular” than those with more “desirable” names. Later in life, people with “unpopular or unattractive” names have more difficulty finding romantic partners.

A 23-year-old mother-to-be wanted to name her son Gaylord and had her family's full, passionate support, but her husband, 24, and his side of the family were firmly against the idea. The woman was looking for validation and posted about the dilemma on Reddit's AITA forum.

“In my family, our genealogy is extremely important. The firstborn son since the 1800's has been given this name. I'm well aware it's a stigmatized name today, so that's why I have agreed to using a short form,” the woman wrote.

Understanding that her son would be bullied for being called Gaylord, she decided that it would be his legal first name, but could go by Gail. Her family believed that it was acceptable for him to be known as Gail initially, but as society grows more tolerant, will be called Gaylord when he gets older.

“They see the backlash over the name today as a fad that will eventually disappear, and I agree seeing how accepting each generation tends to become,” she continued. “When society stops being so immature about it, he can start using the full name.”

The father wouldn’t even consider naming his son Gaylord, or Gail, for that matter. His family went a step further and said that naming him Gaylord or Gail would be “abusive.”

"My in-laws are telling me that even Gail isn't an acceptable boy's name and that I need to 'get with the times' and choose something more appropriate," she continued. “What happened to respecting our elders and traditions? His family doesn't have any naming traditions, so it should fall to my family that does. How could I be expected to break a centuries-old family tradition?”

The commenters were overwhelmingly against the mother’s decision.

"Use your imagination. A boy named Gaylord goes to his first day of school. The teacher does the roll call. ‘GAYLORD SMITH?’ Class breaks into giggles. Embarrassed boy says, ‘It's Gail.’ Class giggles some more, since Gail is usually a girl's name. Boy has no chance of fitting in with his classmates. His fate is sealed. He is a social pariah for life. Don't do this to him. Please,” one user wrote.

"Your name is the first thing people know about you. It’s the cover page of how people perceive you. Even if you think Gaylord will just appear on the birth certificate, you’re wrong. His legal name will have to be used on official documents, at school, on his license and passport. It will appear at the top of every resume he hands out. It’s not as simple as putting a name on paper. It’s how he is going to appear to the whole world. Gaylord is totally stigmatized and has been for decades. It’s not going away, sorry." Elinbeth added.

“Some traditions reach the point where they are no longer suitable for modern times. This is 100% that time. Pick another name," CashieBashie wrote.

After the post went viral, the mother shared that both sides of the family have tentatively agreed on a name.

“We managed to work out that Gale Gaylord would be a reasonable compromise, with Gale being the complete first name, and Gaylord being the middle name,” the woman wrote. “My husband can then add a second middle name after Gaylord if he wants. Grandpa is especially not impressed that it's being demoted to a middle name, but he did say he understands the pressure I'm facing here.”


This article originally appeared on 2.14.24

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How 5 diabolical parents called their kids' bluff in hilarious ways

The next generation is in great, if diabolical, hands.

Photo by Phuong Tran on Unsplash



Recently, blogger Jen Hatmaker had a funny conversation with a friend about parenting:

"My girlfriend told me the greatest story. Apparently her 11-year-old also wanted to be a grown up this week and, in fact, not only did he treat his siblings like despised underlings, but when asked what he wanted, he said: 'I want the authority to be in charge of them and tell them what to do, because they deserve it!'


Well. My girlfriend and her husband are NOT AT ALL MESSING AROUND with parenting. Calmly, evenly, they granted his request to be a grown-up for a week by pulling him out of camp (the underlings still got to go, because they are 'such children') and sending him to work ALL DAY EVERY DAY with his dad. He has to get up early and shower and make breakfast for everyone. He has to kiss the underlings before he goes to work and tell them to have a great day and that he loves them. He has to work on a typing project during his office hours. He only gets to eat what his dad eats, because eating like a grown-up is not nearly as fun as eating like a kid.


Want to be an adult? Fine."

Photo via iStock.

Hatmaker's post went viral, with thousands of parents chiming in with their own stories of tough love, both giving and receiving.

The responses were hilarious, poignant, and a sign that the next generation is being parented by extremely capable, if not a little bit diabolical, hands.

Here are five of my favorite stories from the comments about parenting-gone-absolutely-right:

1. Jill Duff's mom used an embarrassing outfit to teach her sister an important lesson:

"My sister was snotty to my Mom. She called her and pretty much demanded, 'Bring my band uniform to the high school!' She's the one who forgot her uniform in the first place. Then she told my Mom 'Do not come in the school, that would be so EMBARRASSING. Just wait for me by my car.'

So my Mom did just that. She stood by my sister's car, in the Texas heat, WEARING my sister's band uniform. All the kids walking out for the day saw it.

Parenting GOLD."

And Mom was like...

2. Jessica Klick got her sons new shoes ... but not the ones they wanted.

Image via iStock.

"Our 11 and 12 year olds at the time were complaining and whining and being ungrateful, saying how 'hard their life was.' For boys, the big thing is wearing those cool Steph Curry shoes and our boys LOVE their Currys!

So after hearing the last complaint my husband went to Walmart to buy white maypop leather shoes (the kind you see in geriatric centers) and high white socks. He brought those bad boys home, set them on the boys' dresser, and made them wear those things everywhere we went. Those devastated boys told us we were 'ruining their lives.'

I may or may not have laughed like a little girl when I dropped them off at school and watched them do the walk of shame."

3. Marisa Rodriguez Byers says she wished her mother was dead. And boy, did she regret it.

"I was a wretched, hormonal teenager. At the age of 13 I told my mom, 'I wish you were dead!' And at that moment, she 'died,' but to me only. (I had younger sisters).

She completely ignored me, didn't speak at me, didn't look at me, wouldn't cook for me, set my place at the table, wash my clothes, take me to school, NOTHING. After 8 days, I broke down in the middle of the night, went to her room, clutched her tightly while sobbing how sorry I was and how much I loved her and that I would NEVER say those words again. I'm 41 years old now, I have NEVER uttered those words or anything remotely like them after that incident."

After tough love, you gotta hug it out.

4. Jessica Hill gave her daughter a good scare — and, in turn, a new appreciation.

"I was grocery shopping with my three year old when she decided to start screaming for ice cream. There was no reasoning with her in this hulk-type rage. I swear she had super human strength as I struggled to get her out of the cart full of groceries.

I was completely unaware of the two police officers who were witnessing this wrestling match. She was still hitting, kicking, and screaming when I was stopped by the police officers in the parking lot. They thought I had abducted her. This happened long before we had smart phones full of our children's photos. They tried questioning her but she was still too busy throwing a fit, so I handed her over. I told them she could ride with them because I really needed a break and they could follow me home to see her birth certificate, baby book, etc. They started chuckling as one officer said, 'Spoken like a true mom!' I think they were more relieved than I was when she finally cried out, 'Mommy?'

The officer handed her back to me while the other went back inside the store to ensure there wasn't a distraught mother looking for her missing toddler. That evening my daughter told her dad she almost went to jail because she threw a fit, and I let her believe it. She didn't throw a fit in public again."

"Uhh, ma'am?"

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images.

"I didn't mean to scare her, so after this experience, I wanted to ensure my daughter had a healthy respect and appreciation for first responders. Today, I'm happy to say she is highly aware and appreciative of the police, firemen, paramedics, and military personnel who serve to protect her."

5. Erica Goodnight taught her son an incredible lesson that he carries to this day.

Photo by Mike Mozart/Flickr

"My kid was whining over not having anything to play with. So, without a word, I went to the garage and got a black 50 gallon trash bag and started putting in all the toys that he obviously didn't even realize were in our home to play with.

I loaded them AND him into the car and we drove to our local homeless shelter and gave every. single. toy. in the bag away. To a child who TRULY had nothing. And you know what? He didn't even cry. His eyes were opened to the ones who have nothing. He actually enlarged his heart that day. And, we still do it. We still take toys to kids with nothing at least once a year."

Parent win. Life lesson score.

There's a fine line between teaching your kids a tough lesson in a funny way and engaging in "humiliation parenting."

Making children wear a sign that says, "I sneak boys in at 3 a.m. and disrespect my parents and grandparents" or otherwise berating them publicly is a good way to erode trust between the two of you and seriously damage your relationship.

But calling their bluff on a ridiculous demand? Or having a little fun with how you choose to correct their bad attitude? That's just plain survival.

And that's what parenting is really all about.

You can read the whole hilarious exchange over on Facebook.

In the meantime, what's your favorite tough-love story?


This article originally appeared on 07.13.16


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How 7 things that have nothing to do with rape perfectly illustrate the concept of consent.

Well this is all a very brilliant way to show what it's all about.

mage from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There are many different scenarios where consent is necessary.



In 2013, Zerlina Maxwell ignited a firestorm of controversy when she strongly recommended we stop telling women how to not get raped.

Here are her words, from the transcript of her appearance on Sean Hannity's show:

"I don't think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there with prevention."

So essentially — instead of teaching women how to avoid rape, let's raise boys specifically not to rape.

There was a lot of ire raised from that idea. Maxwell was on the receiving end of a deluge of online harassment and scary threats because of her ideas, which is sadly common for outspoken women on the Internet.

People assumed it meant she was labeling all boys as potential rapists or that every man has a rape-monster he carries inside him unless we quell it from the beginning.

But the truth is most of the rapes women experience are perpetrated by people they know and trust. So fully educating boys during their formative years about what constitutes consent and why it's important to practice explicitly asking for consent could potentially eradicate a large swath of acquaintance rape. It's not a condemnation on their character or gender, but an extra set of tools to help young men approach sex without damaging themselves or anyone else.

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Zerlina Maxwell is interviewed on "Hannity."

Image from “Hannity."

But what does teaching boys about consent really look like in action?

Well, there's the viral letter I wrote to my teen titled "Son, It's Okay If You Don't Get Laid Tonight" explaining his responsibility in the matter. I wanted to show by example that Maxwell's words weren't about shaming or blaming boys who'd done nothing wrong yet, but about giving them a road map to navigate their sexual encounters ahead.

There are also rape prevention campaigns on many college campuses, aiming to reach young men right at the heart of where acquaintance rape is so prevalent. Many men are welcoming these efforts.

And then there are creative endeavors to find the right metaphors and combination of words to get people to shake off their acceptance of cultural norms and see rape culture clearly.


This is brilliant:

consent, rape prevention, community, consent culture

A comic about different types of consent.

Image from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There you have it. Seven comparisons that anyone can use to show how simple and logical the idea of consent really is. Consent culture is on its way because more and more people are sharing these ideas and getting people to think critically. How can we not share an idea whose time has come?

This article originally appeared on 06.27.15

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