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How 'Wintering' has changed my perspective and improved my mental health

How 'Wintering' has changed my perspective and improved my mental health
Photo by Mara Ket on Unsplash
person holding heart-shaped snow

Winter has always been a bit of a struggle for me. A long slog that must be endured. As soon as October comes around, my mental health takes a dip. I get a rebound in December with its cozy holiday vibes, but once the calendar flips to January, my mental health takes a major hit. I find myself counting down the days until March, wishing time away.

But lately, I’ve realized just how problematic this is for me. Not only does my mental health suffer, but as a result of my winter 'blahs,' my relationships also suffer. I’m shorter with my family. My motivation wanes, which in turn leads to feelings of shame and guilt, which decreases motivation even more. Rinse and repeat.



woman in gray hoodie sitting on brown wooden boat on lake during daytimePhoto by Boxed Water Is Better on Unsplash

For the past few years, I’ve been making more of a concerted effort to tend to my mental health during these seasonal changes. An introvert at heart, hygge is my jam. Snuggling under a blanket with a hot cuppa something? Yes, please.

What has really transformed my outlook on winter and helped my mental health in the process, however, has been the concept of wintering. Popularized by Katherine May in her book by the same nameWintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times – wintering has not only changed the way I look at this season on the calendar, but also similar seasons of life.

Central to May’s book and the concept of wintering is adjusting our perspective of winter – whether the literal or metaphorical variety – from one of bleakness to one of renewal. Winters, after all, are essential to regrowth.

“Wintering brings about some of the most profound and insightful moments of our human experience, and wisdom resides in those who have wintered,” May writes.

Just reading these words last year – in the depths of a pandemic winter in the Upper Midwest, where cold isn’t just cold but downright frigid – brought comfort in this otherwise painful season. Instead of something to endure and wish away, winter started to feel almost honorable. And my newfound acceptance of it started to feel radical and rebellious. Instead of feeling like there was something wrong with me for feeling a bit sluggish, anxiety-ridden, and despairing, I felt an almost giddy ease, like I was in on a secret that these feelings were not only okay, but necessary.

body of water and snow-covered mountains during daytimePhoto by Tim Stief on Unsplash

At its core, wintering – to me, at least – is about changing my perspective and paying attention. “When you start tuning in to winter, you realize that we live through a thousand winters in our lives – some big, some small,” May writes. While this might seem like a pessimistic approach, there is comfort in knowing that we’ve made it through lean, hard, lonely times before, and we can do it again.

These winters of our life don’t need to be feared or avoided, but held with care and compassion. The past couple of years have felt like a never-ending winter for many of us, I suspect. Even when things seem reasonably “fine,” there’s a subliminal heaviness to my psyche. I feel stuck and confused, lethargic and antsy all at the same time. I want to heal.

Don’t get me wrong, wintering didn’t magically “fix” anything, but it did cause a subtle shift in me that snowballed (pardon the winter pun) into something more comfortable. Or at least less brutal.

So what does wintering look like for me, and how does it help my mental health?

person in orange jacket standing on snow covered groundPhoto by Boxed Water Is Better on Unsplash

Well, here are a few things I’ve tried to incorporate into my life during winter – whether they come in the months of December through February or some other time of the year:

Trust my intuition, and feel the feels. Once I accepted winters as a necessary, and perhaps even helpful part of life, I was able to accept them more easily. If I’m feeling sad or lonely, I let myself feel sad and lonely. Same thing with joy and comfort. We don’t need to ignore our sadness, or pretend it isn’t there; nor do we need to tamper our joy and contentment. We only need to trust ourselves. “Wintering,” May writes, “ is a moment of intuition, our true needs felt keenly as a knife.”

Give myself permission to rest – like, really, rest. Lying on the couch while my mind races with all the things I “should” be doing isn’t really resting. Nor is it resting if I feel guilty about how or when you rest. Wintering gives us permission to rest when and how we need. No questions asked. That means more sleep too. With darkness enveloping our home earlier, we might feel an almost circadian urge to sleep more. This is normal and good.

Get physical with wintering. In her book, May tells the story of cold water swimming (and by cold, I mean 37 degrees Fahrenheit cold). I was nearly shivering just reading about it, but there was something exhilarating about it too.

“Immersion in cold water has been shown to increase levels of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that stimulates the brain’s reward and pleasure centers, by 250 percent,” May notes in the book. “A recent study found that regular winter swimming significantly decreased tension and fatigue, as well as negative states associated with memory and mood, and improved swimmers’ sense of general wellbeing.”

person holding white ceramic mugPhoto by Alex Padurariu on Unsplash

I’m not going to start swimming in Lake Michigan in the middle of January, but this concept has changed my perspective. I’m more likely to blast the cold water at the end of a shower, and I was more eager to walk out into a cold mountain lake on vacation this summer, instead of sitting on the rocky shore as I would have done in the past. I feel energized and peaceful all at the same time, while also sensing a clarity that I can’t quite pinpoint. Bottom line: it feels good even if it feels uncomfortable.

Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed of the dark and difficult times. As May writes, “Everybody winters at one time or another; some winter over and over again.” In our glossy and edited social media culture, it can be easy to think that we are alone in our struggles, mental health challenges, and difficult times. But that just isn’t true.

Our inability to accept, hold space for, and even nurture our pain doesn’t come from a personality flaw or weakness, but simply because we weren’t given the tools to do otherwise. As May writes, “We’re not raised to recognize wintering or to acknowledge its inevitability. Instead, we tend to see it as a humiliation, something that should be hidden from view lest we shock the world too greatly.”

I’ve been open about my mental health challenges, but the concept of wintering has helped me be more open about these challenges in real time. I’m far more likely to say, “I am struggling” or “I’m dealing with a touch of depression right now,” than waiting until I “feel better.” And this distinction has been critical in getting the help and support so that I can actually feel better.

Wintering isn’t just cozy socks, glowing candles, and knitting while tucked under a quilt. Though it can certainly be those things too. Mostly it’s about seeing winter, and any hard or dark times in our life, for what they are – essential. Wintering is about shutting off the constant busyness and go-go-going of our lives that we sometimes use to mask our pain or anxiety or sadness so that we can recover, heal, and grow.

Christine is a writer who lives in the Chicago area with her husband, two sons, and rescue dog. You can find her on Facebook and Instagram.

All illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

It's hard to truly describe the amazing bond between dads and their daughters.

Being a dad is an amazing job no matter the gender of the tiny humans we're raising. But there's something unique about the bond between fathers and daughters. Most dads know what it's like to struggle with braiding hair, but we also know that bonding time provides immense value to our daughters. In fact, studies have shown that women with actively involved fathers are more confident and more successful in school and business.

You know how a picture is worth a thousand words? I'll just let these images sum up the daddy-daughter bond.

A 37-year-old Ukrainian artist affectionately known as Soosh, recently created some ridiculously heartwarming illustrations of the bond between a dad and his daughter, and put them on her Instagram feed. Sadly, her father wasn't involved in her life when she was a kid. But she wants to be sure her 9-year-old son doesn't follow in those footsteps.

"Part of the education for my kiddo who I want to grow up to be a good man is to understand what it's like to be one," Soosh told Upworthy.

There are so many different ways that fathers demonstrate their love for their little girls, and Soosh pretty much nails all of them.

Get ready to run the full gamut of the feels.

1. Dads can do it all. Including hair.

parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artworkA father does his daughter's hairAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

2. They also make pretty great game opponents.



parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artwork, chessA father plays chess with his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

3. And the Hula-Hoop skills? Legendary.



parenting, dads, daughters, fathers, art, artwork, hula hoopA dad hula hoops with his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.

4. Dads know there's always time for a tea party regardless of the mountain of work in front of them.



A dad talks to his daughter while working at his deskAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


5. And their puppeteer skills totally belong on Broadway.



A dad performs a puppet show for his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


6. Dads help us see the world from different views.



A dad walks with his daughter on his backAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


7. So much so that we never want them to leave.



a dad carries a suitcase that his daughter holds ontoAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


8. They can make us feel protected, valued, and loved.



A dad holds his sleeping daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


9. Especially when there are monsters hiding in places they shouldn't.



A superhero dad looks over his daughterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


10. Seeing the daddy-daughter bond as art perfectly shows how beautiful fatherhood can be.



A dad takes the small corner of the bed with his dauthterAll illustrations are provided by Soosh and used with permission.


This article originally appeared nine years ago.

People share things they're happy they splurged on.

"You get what you pay for" may be a popular saying, but it's not always true. Sometimes a bargain-priced item turns out to be a quality purchase and sometimes supposedly "high end" items turn out to be no better than their cheaper equivalents. Figuring out what's worth paying extra money for and what's not is an ongoing dilemma in this age of having everything under the sun available at our fingertips.

However, some people feel strongly about certain items being 100% worth every penny, even when they cost a whole lot of pennies. So, when someone asked, "What's a stupidly expensive adult purchase that you now swear by that you would buy again in a heartbeat?" thousands of people weighed in with their favorite splurges, from the practical to the sentimental.

Here are some of the top responses people agreed were worth spending a little extra of their hard-earned money on.

socks, expensive socks, darn tough socks, cozy, clothingIf you think socks are socks, think again.Photo credit: Canva

$20-$30 socks

"I paid 80 dollars for three pairs of socks because I didn't look at the price. I just comfortably assumed I could happily afford it. That was about 6 years ago and I've just had to get rid of the first pair. Worth every penny. (Big thick merino wool ones that I wear with my work boots.)"

"I never realized how much difference there is between average socks and good socks until I discovered Darn Tough. $25+ is a lot of money for a pair of socks, and they're worth every penny. The unconditional lifetime warranty seals the deal for me. I realize this sounds like I'm trying to sell some socks, but I'm really not."

"If the word socks is ever uttered around my mother she WILL proceed to give the full sales pitch for darn tough socks and their lifetime warranty. I have these socks. I am still informed of the warranty at least 2-3 times a year by her."

"My dad was a mail carrier and would buy these special socks from their supplier. I swear the bottoms were almost an inch thick. They felt like wearing slippers and were so soft. He swore they were like 20 bucks a pair, which was crazy in the early 2000’s. He bought me a few pairs one year and I wore them for like 5 years and was devastated when they eventually ripped or got lost."


mattress, good mattress, good night's sleep, quality bed. restYou spend a third of your life on a mattress, so you want it to be a good one.Photo credit: Canva

A good mattress

"A high-end mattress Like, borderline 'do I need to finance this?' expensive. I used to think any mattress would do, but once I got one that actually supported my back and kept me cool at night? Life changing. I sleep like a pampered cat now. No regrets."

"Yes!!! In 2012, I bought a Stearns & Foster mattress set that I could barely pay for. I think it ran me around $1200? And it still feels wonderful 13 years later. It also has a 25-year warranty."

"As someone about to replace their mattress, this is a sign from the universe to splurge. There’s the old saying: spend money on the things between you and the ground (mattress, shoes, etc)."

"For folks that want this kind luxury: The Kirkland Signature mattresses at Costco are made by Stearns and Foster and they usually go on sale around once per year. Got a queen in 2024 for ~925 bucks."

bra, expensive bra, bra fitting, getting a bra that fits, bra sizeA good quality bra that fits is priceless.Photo credit: Canva

A decent bra (that fits well)

"As a woman, decent bras. The outlay is painful up front but the whole point is, nothing afterwards is. No digging in. No weird cup spills. No loosening throughout the day until it's pointless. No exposed wires after a week. No torn hooks after a couple of washes. Buy a good bra. You deserve it. Your girls deserve it. Your back deserves it."

"I used to go to a place that went as far as tailoring your bras. They closed. All the bra shops closed. The knowledge of fitting bras is disappearing. It is Very sad for all of our breasts. If you get the right fit you feel like you're not wearing anything."

"Good bras are sooooo worth it. Changing from an ill-fitting bra to a properly-fitted one makes most women look like they lost 10-20 pounds!

My favorite gift for a new college grad, a special birthday, to celebrate a new job or a divorce is a trip to Nordstrom (or a specialty lingerie store) for a fitting. I buy them at least 2 perfectly fitted bras.

"Before the Nordstrom visit, many friends poo-poo the idea as unnecessary saying ' my bras are fine.' But as soon as they're wearing the new bras regularly, they can't believe how much [more] comfortable they are, and how many people comment, asking them if they lost weight."

"I’m a horticulturalist, so I bend and move a lot for work. I finally ditched my old Target bras that were loose and itchy. I splurged on bras made for gardeners from Duluth Trading, and oh my lord, why didn’t I do that sooner!"

professional movers, moving, hiring movers, bras, good brasProfessional movers make moving so much less stressful, physically and mentally.Photo credit: Canva

Professional movers

"Professional movers. Greatest luxury item I’ve ever spent money on."

"I moved for work a few times and the company would come to my house and pack everything up. They would individually wrap every plate and cup, it was crazy."

"Even just having plenty of energy to direct what rooms to put boxes in, being able to unpack essentials as all your stuff is brought in is worth its weight in gold."

"Yes! We packed, but paid for movers. Planning on doing it again next time cause that was so freaking worth it! We moved to another apartment in the same city so it wasn’t a long trip, but even still they had that entire apartment packed, moved and unloaded in like 7 hours with an hour lunch break so really done in 6 hr. It would have taken me and my husband probably 6 hours to just move the sectional, some shelving & the washer and dryer."

cleaners, professional cleaning services, house cleaners, splurges, worth itCleaners save time, stress, and sometimes even relationships.Photo credit: Canva

Cleaning services

"Monthly cleaning service!!!! Best non-required use of my money to date."

"Same here! I do bi-monthly. I was killing myself working 9+ hour days and trying to keep a clean house. I haven’t cleaned a bathroom since."

"I didn’t realise the mental load that cleaning carried or the weight of resentment for having to do it until I outsourced it. Best decision I’ve made in a long time."

"Yard service for me. Instead of a couple sweaty hours followed by a couple days of bad allergies, I now send a couple texts, transfer some money, and it's done."

cat, pet, vet, vet bills, veterinarianVet bills can be painful, but are 100% worth it.Photo credit: Canva

Vet bills

"The vet bill for my rescue cat's teeth removal. $5,000 all told. Ended the agony of stomatitis and saved his life. That was about 7 years ago and he's sitting on my lap right now. 🥰"

"$750 for anti-venom in 2007. She finally passed in 2019. I was a teenager when I foot that bill, it was everything I'd saved. Never regretted it for a second."

"I had a cat with a dead kidney and paid around $7k throughout her extremely short life because of her congenital kidney disease. She passed at 19 months after her dead kidney was removed and the remaining kidney started failing. It took all of the money I had left from my divorce and was saving, plus any other savings I had, and I still had to put some on credit.

I would do it again to get those extra months with her when she was feeling really good. I don’t think she had actually ever felt good before her nephrectomy. I love her and she saved my life, so I did what I could for her."

"We spent about $900 for an at-home euthanasia for our cat. We didn’t want him to be stressed out and scared in his last moments. 1000% worth it. This was after spending about $9k trying to save his life. Kidney disease/cancer can just f__k right off."

"Ours was $350 when we REALLY couldn’t afford it. Never again any other way. I love the idea of the lighting of the candle in the vet’s office for those in need, but home is the way to go."

@cosmo_andtheoddparents/TikTok

He wuvs his vet.

Not every dog might jump with joy after seeing their vet out in public. But for Cosmo the Golden Retriever, it was practically Christmas all over again when he spotted his own vet, Dr. Jones, at a brewery.

In an adorable clip posted to TikTok, we see Cosmo in pure, unadulterated bliss as he snuggles with an equally happy Dr. Jones, who, considering he’s still in his scrubs, might have just gotten out of work to grab a quick pint.

Watch:

Ugh, the cuteness is too much to handle! People in the comments could barely contain their secondhand joy.

“He looked over like, “Mom, do you see who this is?” one person wrote, while another said, “What in the Hallmark movie? Adorable!!”

One person even joked, “Did we all check the vet’s hand for a wedding ring? (Said as a married woman. Looking out for you all, or something.)”

According to Hannah Dweikat, Cosmo’s owner, the two actually share quite a history. She tells Upworthy that when Cosmo was but a wee pup, he “gave a scare” after eating a Sago Palm seed, which are highly toxic to dogs, from a plant in their backyard, which of course resulted in him being rushed to the animal hospital and staying there over the weekend.

While that’s every pet owner’s worst nightmare, and certainly a scary situation for the poor fur baby, Dweikat says that “the calm and patient demeanor” of Dr. Jones and his staff put Cosmo at ease. And because of this, “Cosmo has always loved going to see his friends—especially because they give him lots of treats and snuggles.”

Cosmo and Dr. Jones’ buddyship has also blossomed thanks to proximity, as Dweikat only lives down the street from the clinic. “Which means we get to see Dr. Jones and his staff out in public at times and Cosmo takes every chance he can get to say hi,” she explains. This time, however, she was able to capture it all on video. Yay for us!

What makes a good vet?

While not every vet, however gifted, will be able to elicit this type of reaction from their patients, having a calming presence like Dr. Jones is certainly a good sign for pet owners to be on the lookout for when shopping around for their own vet. But that’s not the only quality a good vet needs. According to Saint Matthews University, a vet also needs to have high stamina (both physically and mentally), as well as an ability to tolerate unpleasant situations (you can’t faint at the sight of blood or vomit), a high level of emotional intelligence (maybe all doctors should possess this skill, but especially those who work with animals), adaptability, a sense of enthusiasm, and finally, excellent communication skills.

Dr. Jones seems to have these attributes in spades, and his patients clearly love him for it. None so much as Cosmo, obviously.

By the way, if you’re in need of even more content featuring this precious pup, you can follow Cosmo on both TikTok and Instagram.

This article originally appeared in February

Image via Canva

Neighborhood spends a Sunday evening together gathered and creating community.

Growing up in a connected neighborhood can, arguably, create the best childhood. Core memories and a sense of community are created through neighborhood kids riding bikes, playing games in the cul-de-sac, spending time together in backyards, and having porch chats with parents. These days, neighborhoods like that are becoming a rarity.

But TikTokers The Butan Fam (@thebutanfam), a family of 5 living in Southern Florida, shared a sentimental video of their neighborhood getting together on a Sunday to have dinner together on their street. Its wholesome, "gold old days" vibe has viewers reminiscing about their childhood neighborhoods.

"POV: You won the neighborhood lottery. This is just a random Sunday on our street," she captioned the video. Set to "The Sound of Peace" by Damluhe, the camera pans to her street at dusk, revealing an idyllic scene of community.

@thebutanfam

We decided to have dinner together. #Neighborhood #bestneighbors #lifeinthesuburbs #SuburbanLiving

In the caption, she wrote, "We decided to have dinner together." The entire neighborhood came out to spend time together on a lovely Sunday night. Dads and moms are gathered together in a group talking, while one dad and his kids are shooting hoops. The camera pans to a group of kids sitting on the sidewalk together painting on canvases.

Essentially, everything seems right in the world. Families are together and socializing with their neighbors in a safe setting, and viewers are loving how connected and present everyone is.

@thebutanfam

Stay at home mom Chronicles! #lifeonarandomtuesday life on a random Wednesday. #Life. #StayAtHomeMom.

One viewer commented, "You got that 2003 type neighborhood."

Another added, "Now THIS is COMMUNITY. The America we all want."

Another wrote, "I grew up in a neighborhood like this. Kids all hung out, parents got a long, one of the best times of my life."

In another comment, a viewer added, "You guys are RICH rich. Community is amazing 😭", and The Butan Fam replied, "Yes we are! The things money can’t buy!"

One person noted that with so many envious people, the same sense of community can be found if you initiate it. "For everyone watching this wishing it could be you… you could be the first villager. The first to host a barbecue. The first to put the basketball net in the street. We need to be individually responsible for creating community," they wrote.

Kids playing, neighborhood, community, village, neighbors Happy Music Video GIF by Chrissy MetzGiphy

Others noted, ""It takes a village. This is wonderful." Another recalled how they miss this sense of community that they had in their childhood. "This reminds me of growing up in the 80s. I felt so free to go outside and just enjoy the day. Now in my 50s I don't really go out like that anymore. It feels like people are much more guarded and definitely less friendly. I miss the simpler days," one wrote.

In an Instagram response post, The Butan Fam shared, "Never in a million years did I think my last video would go mega viral (14 million views on TikTok 😱). I was just soaking in the moment in my neighborhood and decided to share it with you all. Thank you so much for the love," they wrote. "No, it’s not AI and no, I won’t be sharing my exact location. I have to keep myself safe lol. But I do want to say this. Florida is an incredible state. I’ve lived all over South Florida. I was born and raised in Fort Lauderdale and have lived in so many different cities across the state, including just 30 minutes from Orlando."

Unhoused people and pets deserve help.

There's nothing like our furry friends to bring out the best in us, and in a world where we sometimes need a little extra kindness, a stranger can remind us that we're all in this together. A few months ago, BBC News posted a story about the Bath Cats and Dogs vet clinic in the UK who give free medical care to the pets of "homeless and vulnerable people."

dog, pets, unhoused pets, homeless people, street vetMany pets on the street belong to unhoused people. Photo by Photographer Frederik Trovatten on Unsplash

It's part of their "Together Project" initiative, whose goal is to keep pets with their owners no matter what the circumstance. Veterinary surgeon Nicola Chouler explains, "These animals are so well cared for and they're with their owners constantly and are arguably better cared for than some housed animals."

These veterinary services actually exist around the world. One of them is Project Street Vet, which was inspired by the work of Dr. Kwane Stewart. Their website explains that for years, Dr. Stewart has "provided direct vet-to-pet services by walking city streets to identify individuals experiencing homelessness with pets. Once identified, free exams, vaccines, flea meds, supplies, and more are offered by our volunteer veterinary teams and information is gathered for follow-ups and additional care."

Dr. Stewart won the Elevate Prize in and was CNN's Hero of the Year the year in 2023. His mission is very clear: "No judgment, just help."

The success stories are incredibly moving. One of them is Mike, a San Diego man who has a pet Dachshund he named Crazy Girl. From their success story page: "Mike had been experiencing homelessness for nearly two years, living in a tent along the beach while battling colon cancer. When Dr. Kwane approached Mike, he was so excited to talk about his little girl and told us more about their story."

After the team checked her out, it was determined she had a birth defect which caused her to lose her sight. But, "Project Street Vet was able to get her the right medication she needed to stay comfortable and provide Mike with peace of mind."

Here, an unhoused woman shares that her cat "saved her," not the other way around. "I thought I was just going to give up. And if it wasn't for her, I might have."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The Project Street Vet's Instagram page is full of love and support. One video introduces us to a woman and her dog, Tootsie Ann, both who live in a tent on the streets. When asked if her sweet pup is helping with mental health, she says, "Yes, it's me and Tootsie against the world. She gave me my joy back."

The comment section truly relates. One person writes, "I’m not trying to be dramatic or anything but Tootsie Ann’s love could literally save the world." Another points out, "She got a whole middle name! You know that baby is loved!"

Many have so much gratitude for this service. "Thank you for your kindness and compassion to people and their furbabies... shows there are good people in the world."