upworthy
History (Education)

A historic plantation went up in flames, but people's reactions to it are the real story

The Nottoway Plantation had been turned into a luxury event space that glossed over its history of enslavement.

nottoway plantation, nottoway resort fire, louisiana, antebellum south, slavery
Bogdan Oporowski/Wikimedia Commons

The 53,000 square foot Nottoway mansion before it burned down in May of 2025.

For generations, the way Southern plantations have been portrayed and viewed by the American public has been a point of contention. For some, the sprawling grounds and grandiose mansions are viewed romantically, the beauty of them hearkening to wealthy aspirations and a nostalgic allure of Southern charm a la "Gone With the Wind." For others, plantations are a painful reminder of the plight of the Black Americans who worked the grounds and tended the crops of white plantation owners who enriched themselves off the backs of enslaved people trapped in a heinous system enforced by racism.

It's easy to see how those two perspectives can clash. And the tension between them was placed front and center on May 15, 2025, as the Nottoway Resort, the largest remaining antebellum plantation in the U.S., went up in flames. The 64-room mansion was built between 1857 and 1859 for its wealthy owner John Hampden Randolph, who enslaved 150+ people to work his sugar cane farm. As news and images of the blaze went viral, reactions were starkly divided. While some lamented the loss, others cheered with cries of "Good riddance!" and "Burn, baby, burn!"

The fact that Nottaway was marketed as a "resort" and a popular event venue, as opposed to a museum dedicated to sharing the full history of the plantation, is a big impetus behind the celebratory sentiment. Some plantations have been converted into purely educational facilities in which visitors learn how those beautiful places were built and maintained by slaves, but Nottoway wasn't one of them.

Historian and lecturer on the history of slavery Dr. Andrea Livesey visited Nottoway in 2019 and was horrified by how the slavery history was glossed over.

The plantation does have a museum, Livesey shared, which only included one board about slavery. "It tells visitors that 'various records indicate they were treated well for the time," she wrote, adding that those records likely all came from the enslavers.

Even the Nottoway website is thoroughly lacking in historical information. As of the day of the fire, the History section of the website shares details about the 16 historic oak trees on the property. That's it. (There's literally nothing else about the property's history, which is an odd choice.)

But it's the drastically different reactions to the mansion's destruction that mark this moment in time more than anything else. Over 150 years after slavery was officially abolished, we are still grappling with that history, intellectually and viscerally. In some cases, we learned drastically different versions of that part of our history, which of course doesn't help. But even if we're looking at the same exact historical record in its accurate entirety, we see that history through different lenses colored by our individual and familial histories, experiences, and biases.

What shouldn't be hard to see is the pain that enslavement caused generation after generation of Black families and how plantations being relished in for their architectural beauty while ignoring how and why they were built and the atrocities that took place on them could feel like a slap in the face. Even the elementary knowledge of the history of slavery in American ought to make that clear.

But many Americans have been conditioned to downplay the history of slavery, as if it wasn't the long atrocity that it was. Is holding a wedding or a party at a plantation markedly different than throwing a picnic at Auschwitz because the train station makes a beautiful backdrop? Some would argue it's not.

And yet, some people are sad to see the mansion burn, lamenting the loss of its magnificent architectural grandeur. Instead of "Yes, it's beautiful, but the slavery part ruins it," some see it as, "Yes, slavery was terrible, but it's still a beautiful building." Whether those are equally valid perspectives or not, those different lenses is where much of the debate over slavery-era historical places and monuments lies.

Marketing a plantation as a luxury event space while ignoring its oppressive history feels wrong. But does watching it burn to the ground feel right? For some, it definitely does, which begs some questions: What role do visceral feelings have in the debate over what to do with places and things that were created via and for the perpetuation of slavery? What role does white supremacy still play in who gets to make those decisions? Is it possible to turn a plantation into a place where everyone feels like their ancestral history is being honored? These and other questions need serious consideration and discussion as America continues to reckon with its own history.

One plantation that has been turned into an educational monument seems to have struck a reasonable balance. Less than an hour's drive from Nottoway, the Whitney Plantation is a non-profit museum "dedicated to truth-telling about America's past." It does not shy away from its history, but rather invites visitors to dive in. Like Nottoway, Whitney was primarily a sugar plantation, which made it all the more tragic for the enslaved people forced to work there. Sugar was a particularly brutal crop. The life expectancy for slaves on sugar cane farms was dramatically lower than those on cotton plantations—around 7 years—and being sold to Louisiana for sugar production was often considered a death sentence.

Knowing that full history, it's hard to see a plantation used as a resort and event venue and it's understandable that people might revel in its demise. Would there be the same kind of sentiment if Whitney burned? Probably not, or at least not to the degree that Nottoway's destruction has seen. Perhaps now's a prime time to discuss the respectful, appropriate ways to handle historic places with problematic histories, to let the ashes of the past fertilize our collective future.


Mel Robbins making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations, and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control (or the illusion of it) when it does us no good was perfectly distilled into two words that everyone can understand: "Let Them." This is officially known as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video posted in May 2023.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose?

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” one viewer wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”

let them theory, let it be, paul mccartney, the beatles, exhalethe beatles wave GIFGiphy

This article originally appeared last year.

via Dino Ambrosi (used with permission)

Dino Ambrosi speaks at a school assembly.

In a 2023 TEDx Talk at Laguna Blanca School, Dino Ambrosi made a startling revelation that perfectly underlines the big question of the smartphone era: What is my time worth? Ambrosi is the founder of Project Reboot and an expert at guiding teens and young adults to develop more empowering relationships with technology.

Assuming the average person now lives to 90, after calculating the average time they spend sleeping, going to school, working, cooking, eating, doing chores, sleeping, and taking care of personal hygiene, today’s 18-year-olds have only 334 months of their adult lives to themselves.

"How you spend this time will determine the quality of your life,” Ambrosi says. However, given the tech habits of today’s young people, most of those months will be spent staring at screens, leaving them with just 32 months to leave their mark on the world. "Today, the average 18-year-old in the United States is on pace to spend 93% of their remaining free time looking at a screen,” Ambrosi says.


dino ambrosi, teens and technology, smartphone addictionAn 18-year-olds remaining time, in months.via TEDx

The idea that an entire generation will spend most of their free time in front of screens is chilling. However, the message has a silver lining. Sharing this information with young people can immediately impact how they spend their time.

How to get teens to reduce their screentime

Ambrosi says his work with Project Reboot through on-campus initiatives, school assemblies, and parent workshops has taught him that teens are more concerned about time wasted on their phones than the damage it may do to their mental health. Knowing the topic that resonates can open the door for an effective dialogue about a topic that’s hard for many young people to discuss. When teens realize they are giving their entire lives away for free, they are more apt to reconsider their relationship with smartphones.

“I actually don't get through to a lot of teens, as well as when I help them realize the value of their time and then highlight the fact that that time is being stolen from them,” Ambrosi told Upworthy.

A Common Sense Media study shows that the average 13 to 18-year-old, as of 2021, spent an average of 8 hours and 39 minutes a day on entertainment screentime.

“It’s important to get them to view time as their most valuable resource that they can use to invest in themselves or enjoy life and tick the boxes on their bucket list. I really want them to see that that's something they should take control of and prioritize because we're all under the impression that social media is free, but it's actually not free. We just pay for it with our time.”

dino ambrosi, project reboot, teens smartphones, screentime, tech companies, quality of lifeDino Ambrosi speaks at a school assembly.via Dino Ambrosi (used with permission)


Ambrosi believes that young people are less likely to hand their time to tech companies for free when they understand its value. “I find that kids really respond to that message because nobody wants to feel manipulated, right? And giving them that sense of being wronged, which I think they have been, by tech companies that are off operating on business models that are not aligned with their well-being, is important.”

His approach to getting teens to rethink their smartphone use is similar to that of the Truth Initiative in that it educates young people about the nefarious tactics big tobacco companies used to lure and addict young people. In a way, big tech companies are doing the same thing by luring young people to their products by connecting them to their friends and influencers while providing a product that rearranges their brain chemistry.

He also believes parents should be sympathetic and nonjudgmental when talking to young people about screentime because it’s a struggle that just about everyone faces and feels shame about. A little understanding will prevent them from shutting down the conversation altogether.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

How to reduce my screentime

Ambrosi has some suggestions to help people reduce their screentime.

The ClearSpace app

ClearSpace forces you to take a breathing delay before using a distracting app. It also asks you to set a time limit and allows you to set a number of visits to the site per day. If you eclipse the number of visits, it sends a text to a friend saying you exceeded your budget. This can help people be accountable for one another’s screentime goals.

Don’t sleep with your phone

Ambrosi says to charge your phone far away from your bedside stand when you sleep and use an alarm clock to wake up. If you do have an alarm clock on your phone, set up an automation so that as soon as you turn off the alarm, it opens up an app like Flora or Forest and starts an hour-long timer that incentivizes you to be off your phone for the first hour of the day.

“In my experience, if you can stay off screens for the last hour and the first hour of the day, the other 22 hours get a lot easier because you get the quality rest and sleep that you need to wake up fully charged, and now you're more capable of being intentional because you are at your best," Ambrosi told Upworty.

teens, smartphones, screentime, smartphones in bed, young man, mental healthA teen boy looks at his phone in bed.via Canva/photos

Keep apps in one place

Ambrosi says to keep all of your social apps and logins on one device. “I try to designate a specific use for each device as much as possible,” he told Upworthy. “I try to keep all my social media time and all my entertainment on my phone as opposed to my computer because I want my computer to be a tool for work.”

Even though there are significant challenges ahead for young people as they try to navigate a screen-based world while keeping them at a healthy distance, Ambrosi is optimistic about the future.

“I'm really optimistic because I have seen in the last year, in particular, that the receptiveness of student audiences has increased by almost an order of magnitude. Kids are waking up to the fact that this is the problem. They want to have this conversation,” he told Upworthy. “Some clubs are starting to address this problem at several schools right now; from the talks I've given this semester alone, kids want to be involved in this conversation. They're creating phone-free spaces on college and high school campuses by their own accord. I just think we have a huge potential to leverage this moment to move things in the right direction.”

For more information on Ambrosi’s programs, visit ProjectReboot.School.

This article originally appeared last year.

A woman holding back her laughter.

One of the biggest topics in parenting these days is the mental and physical drain that comes with being the default parent in a family. The default parent is the one who is first in line when it comes to taking responsibility for parenting duties, whether that means making doctor’s appointments, ensuring the homework is done, or making sure the child has enough socks to make it through the week.

Being the default parent can lead to fatigue and burnout, and the parent can experience incredible anxiety when their attention turns away from the household or family. The situation is even worse when the default parent’s partner only does the bare minimum. Unfortunately, in American society, fathers are often the parents who do just enough to get by and are praised for it.

The notion that men don’t have to pull their equal weight in American family life is so ingrained that when Emma Hughes, a travel nanny with over one year of experience in childcare and family support, visited Sweden for two weeks, she experienced extreme culture shock.


"I've been in Sweden now and I think I've been ruined for American men," the 24-year-old said in a viral Instagram video. "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss …"

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this because all of the observations that I've made have really revealed to me how deeply ingrained [expletive] dads have become like in my brain, and it's just like the default,” she continued.

The notion that fathers only have to do the bare minimum was so ingrained in Hughes’ psyche that she couldn’t understand seeing so many involved fathers in Sweden.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, soccer, swedish childA dad playing soccer with his child.via Canva/Photos

"When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, what does my brain think … That's weird, there is something abnormal about that,” Hughes said. “When I see dads at the grocery store with their kids. When I see dads out at restaurants or in public. It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families."

She said that even the best dads she's worked with in America would be considered the "Scandinavian bare minimum." She applauded one Swedish father who purchased a new size of diapers for his baby without being told to do so by his partner.

swedes, swedish couple, scandanavia, swedish flag, happy swedesA couple holding up the Swedish flag.via Canva/Photos

"Like I watched a Swedish dad go to the grocery store and come home with like four bags of groceries and in that trip he had bought size two diapers for a baby that had previously been wearing size one and was ready to move into size two but that conversation had not happened between the mom and the dad,” she said.

Given Swedish dads' dedication towards their parenting responsibilities, it’s fair to assume that their partners are much happier and stress-free than those in the States. But what about their kids? Researchers at the United Nations who studied “child well-being in rich countries” found that Swedish fathers also ranked high by their children. The survey asked children in 28 countries if it was easy to talk to their dads, and while 67% of children in the study said their parents were easy to talk to, Swedish fathers scored higher at 72.4%. Meanwhile, the U.S ranked 25, out of 28, at just 59.7%.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, swedish child, dad reading note, A Swedish dad reading a note. via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Hughes makes an important point that Scandinavian men have set a high bar for being fathers and that American men need to step up. The positive sign is that in America, the discussion around default parenting has been getting louder and louder, and hopefully, that will prompt more American men and women to set higher expectations so that one day, American men can catch Sweden’s.

A young mom with her kids in the ER.

In the fall of 2023, young mother Sage Pasch’s unique family situation attracted a ton of online attention after the 20-something shared a six-second video on TikTok. The video has now been viewed over 48 million times and rests pinned at the top of Pasch's page because it shows how hard it can be for young moms to be taken seriously.

In the video, the young-looking Pasch (young-looking because she is indeed in her early twenties) took her teenaged son Nick to the ER after he injured his leg at school. But when the family got to the hospital, the doctor couldn’t believe Pasch was his mother. “POV, we’re at the ER, and the doctor didn’t believe I was the parent,” she captioned the post.

Pasch and her fiancé, Luke Faircloth, adopted the teen in 2022 after his parents tragically died two years apart. “Nick was already spending so much time with us, so it made sense that we would continue raising him,” Pasch told Today.

At the time the video was posted, the couple had Nick and 17-month-old baby Laith, who they lovingly call Bub.

@coffee4lifesage

He really thought i was lying😭

They now have their third child, a baby boy named Luca, making them a big happy family of five.

@coffee4lifesage

Mother’s Day fit check #momof3 #momsoftiktok #boymom #momlife #sunday #mothersday #boys #ootdinspo #family

After experiencing the ER doctor's confusion, Pasch said that people are often taken aback by her family when they are out in public. "Everybody gets a little confused because my fiancé and I are definitely younger to have a teenager," she said. "It can be very frustrating."

It may be hard for the young parents to be taken seriously, but their story has made a lot of people in a similar situation feel seen.

"Omg, I feel this. I took my son to the ER, and they asked for the guardian. Yes, hi, that's me," one mom wrote in the comments.

"Meee with my teenager at a parent-teacher conference. They think I’m her older sister and say we need to talk with your parents," another added.

Though the confusion is frustrating, it's not slowing Pasch and her family down. In a recent post, Pasch shared that she and her family had welcomed a fourth baby and were taking their followers on a trip to shop for the nursery.

@coffee4lifesage

Meet mousey #momof3 #momsoftiktok #boymom #momlife #funny #hubby #parents #pet #family


After a couple seconds, Pasch admits the new baby they're shopping for is actually their new hamster named Mousey. Judging by some of Pasch's other videos, though, they're trying for a fourth human baby and Pasch is hoping for a girl!

@coffee4lifesage

Happy 🐪 day #momof3 #momsoftiktok #boymom #momlife #parent #lifestyle #routine #wednesday #vlog #school



This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

Maikon Alves | Instagram

Some people have such amazing control of their bodies

Meet Maikon Alves, a dancer from Brazil turns heads on social media with moves so fluid and robotic that people around question if he's human.

In one particularly viral video, Alves dances to "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas—to say his moves are impressive would be an understatement. Alves pops his chest to the beat while slowly stepping in place making it look like he's gliding from move to move. Some movements are crisp and sharp like a robot while others are so fluid it's nearly unbelievable that it could be coming from a human.

While the man's moves do look slightly out of this world, he is indeed a real person, or at least he appears to be in other videos on his page.

Comments ranged between being in awe of his abilities and questioning if he was human.

"Loved. I like how everything is in sync - from the music to the moves to face expressions. 👏👏👏 and your cool personal style," one person writes.

"Doesn’t even look real it’s that good..!! Love this," someone says.

"You will be the dance instructor for the children of our AI overlords someday," a commenter thinks.

"Nah, this is God-level pop-locking," someone compliments.

Even Nicole Scherzinger, actress, singer and former member of the pop group and dance ensemble, Pussycat Dolls gave Alves praise saying, "you are a legend!"

Alves' uncanny robot dance even made its way to season 19 of America's Got Talent. His audition routine included pretending to play the Violin and a fun moonwalk to robotic themed music.

Gotta hand it to folks like Alves, who remind us all what amazing feats the human body is capable of, and how dance can instantly spark joy. Whether you're the one performing the moves or not.

To catch even more of his nifty routines, follow Alves on Instagram.

This article originally appeared last year.