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Family

Dad writes heartbreaking message after the death of his son

"Hug your kids. Don’t work too late. "

Young family takes a photo outside

J.R. Storment and his family.

A dad from Portland, Oregon, has taken to LinkedIn to write an emotional plea to parents after he learned that his son had died during a conference call at work. J.R. Storment encouraged parents to spend less time at work and more time with their kids after his son's death.

In his open letter posted on September 3, 2019, Storment explains that his son, Wiley, passed away during his sleep as a result of complications from his mild epilepsy. He then goes on to blast himself for not spending enough time with his son, and encourages other parents to take more time off work.

Young family takes photo in the snow

J.R. Storment and his family

via Facebook

Storment starts by explaining that the day his son passed away started like any other:

"Eight years ago, during the same month, I had twin boys and co-founded Cloudability. About three months ago Cloudability was acquired. About three weeks ago we lost one of our boys."

"When I got the call I was sitting in a conference room with 12 people at our Portland office talking about PTO policies. Minutes earlier, I had admitted to the group that in the last 8 years I'd not taken more than a contiguous week off."

That's when Storment received a call from his distraught wife.

"My wife and I have an agreement that when one of us calls, the other answers. So when the phone rang I stood up and walked to the conference room door immediately."

"I was still walking through the door when I answered with 'Hey, what's up?'"

"Her reply was icy and immediate: 'J.R., Wiley is dead.'"

"'What?' I responded incredulously."

"'Wiley has died.' she reiterated."

"'What?! No.' I yelled out, 'No!'"

"'I'm so sorry, I have to call 911.'"

Storment goes on to explain the chaos that happened next.

"That was the entire conversation. The next thing I know I'm sprinting out the front door of the office with my car keys in hand, running ferociously across the street and muttering 'oh F**k. oh F**k. oh F**k.' Half way down the block I realize I don't have the opener to my parking garage. Running back into the lobby, I all but shout "Someone drive me! Somebody drive me!" Thankfully, a helpful colleague did."

Storment made it home, but not yet knowing the cause of death, police were treating the house as a possible crime scene. The heartbroken father was unable to see his son for two and a half hours.

"When the medical examiner finally finished his work, we were allowed in the room. An eerie calm came over me. I laid down next to him in the bed that he loved, held his hand and kept repeating, 'What happened, buddy? What happened?'"

"We stayed next to him for maybe 30 minutes and stroked his hair before they returned with a gurney to take him away. I walked him out, holding his hand and his forehead through the body bag as he was wheeled down our driveway. Then all the cars drove away. The last one to leave was the black minivan with Wiley in it."

Young family takes photo outside.

J.R. Storment with his wife and sons.

via LinkedIn

Storment goes on to explain his son's dreams and aspirations, and the difficulty he had signing his son's death certificate.

"Wiley was obsessed with starting a business. One day it was a smoothie stand, the next it would be a gallery, then a VR headset company, then a 'coder', then a spaceship building company. In each of these scenarios he was the boss. His brother (and sometimes us) were invited to work for—not with— him and were each assigned jobs. In the gallery scenario, Wiley informed Oliver that he would be manning the cash register."

"Around 5 years old, Wiley decided he was going to get married as an adult. By 6 he had identified the girl, holding her hand at recess on the first day of kindergarten. Over the next two years as we moved from Portland to London to Hawaii, he kept in touch with her by handwritten letter. Not long before we moved back to Portland, the two agreed (by letter) to marry. She beat him to the punch and asked him. He accepted. Happily, he got to see her twice after we moved back to Portland in June."

"One of the countless difficult moments of this month was signing his death certificate. Seeing his name written on the top of it was hard. However, two fields further down the form crushed me. The first said: 'Occupation: Never worked' and the next: 'Marital Status: Never married.' He wanted so badly to do both of those things. I feel both fortunate and guilty to have had success in each."

A handwritten diary entry

Wiley wrote his plans down in his diary.

via LinkedIn

Storment then criticises himself for spending too much time at work. And while it sounds that Wiley got to live an amazing life, Storment only wishes he could have done more with him.

"Over the last three weeks I have come up with an endless stream of things I regret. They tend to fall into two categories: things I wish I had done differently and things I'm sad not to see him do. My wife is constantly reminding me of all the things he did do: Wiley went to 10 countries, drove a car on a farm road in Hawaii, hiked in Greece, snorkeled in Fiji, wore a suit to a fantastic British prep school every day for two years, got rescued from a shark on a jet ski, kissed multiple girls, got good enough at chess to beat me twice in a row, wrote short stories and drew comics obsessively."

Storment hadn't checked on the boys the morning of the tragedy because he had to get up early for meetings, a decision he seems to regret.

"Around 5:40am, the next morning I woke up for a series of back to back meetings. I did a Peloton ride, took an analyst call from my home office, one with a colleague on the drive to work, then the rest at the office. None seem that important now. I left that morning without saying goodbye or checking on the boys."

A couple smile for a photo

J.R. Storment and his wife.

Via Facebook

Storment has a simple message for parents:

"Many have asked what they can do to help. Hug your kids. Don't work too late. A lot of the things you are likely spending your time on you'll regret once you no longer have the time. I'm guessing you have 1:1 meetings on the books with a lot of people you work with. Do you have them regularly scheduled with your kids? If there's any lesson to take away from this, it's to remind others (and myself) not to miss out on the things that matter."

"The big question is how to return to work in a way that won't leave me again with the regrets I have now. To be honest, I've considered not going back. But I believe in the words of Kahlil Gibran who said, 'Work is love made visible.' To me, that line is a testament to how much we gain, grow and offer through the work we do. But that work needs to have a balance that I have rarely lived. It's a balance that lets us offer our gifts to the world but not at the cost of self and family."

"While I sat writing this post, my living son, Oliver, came in to ask for screen time. Instead of saying the usual 'no', I stopped writing and asked if I could play with him. He was happily surprised by my answer and we connected in a way I would have formerly missed out on. Small things matter. One silver lining from this tragedy is the improving relationship I have with him."

"Our family has gone from having two units of two (the parents and the twins) to now being a triangle of three. That's a big adjustment for a family that has always been four. Oliver's brilliant reply when we discussed the shape of our new family: 'But Papa, the triangle is the strongest shape.' By some sad and beautiful irony, Oliver has met three sets of 8-year-old twins in our new neighborhood since Wiley passed."

"I've learned to stop waiting to do the things the kids ask for. When we sold the business I gave each of the boys a $100 dollar bill. They decided to pool their money to buy a tent for camping. But we didn't make it happen before Wiley died. Another regret. So, after the first round of family visits after his death, I took Jessica and Oliver to REI to get gear and we left town quickly to camp near Mt. St. Helens."

"Somehow, we got to the wilderness without enough cash to cover the campground fee and had a slight panic. Jessica then realized that Wiley's $100 bill was still in his seat pocket. He got to spend his money on camping after all. Collectively, the family said a big, 'Thanks, buddy' out-loud to him. It was one of many bittersweet moments we will experience for the rest of our lives. Each happy time brings with it the sadness that he doesn't get to experience it."

"One of Wiley's happy times was listening to music and dancing. Damn, could that kid dance. He loved the Oregon Country Fair and the year before we left for London, we listened to a band there play a version of 'Enjoy yourself (It's later than you think)'. The words stuck with me that day three years ago and painfully so now:"


"You work and work for years and years, you're always on the go

You never take a minute off, too busy makin' dough

Someday, you say, you'll have your fun, when you're a millionaire

Imagine all the fun you'll have in your old rockin' chair

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think

Enjoy yourself, while you're still in the pink

The years go by, as quickly as a wink

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think"


This article originally appeared four years ago.

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mage from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There are many different scenarios where consent is necessary.

In 2013, Zerlina Maxwell ignited a firestorm of controversy when she strongly recommended we stop telling women how to not get raped.

Here are her words, from the transcript of her appearance on Sean Hannity's show:

"I don't think that we should be telling women anything. I think we should be telling men not to rape women and start the conversation there with prevention."

So essentially—instead of teaching women how to avoid rape, let's raise boys specifically to not rape.

There was a lot of ire raised from that idea. Maxwell was on the receiving end of a deluge of online harassment and threats because of her ideas. The backlash was egregious, but sadly, it's nothing new. Such reactions are sadly common for outspoken women on the Internet.

People assumed it meant she was labeling all boys as potential rapists or that every man has a rape-monster he carries inside him unless we quell it from the beginning.

But the truth is most of the rapes women experience are perpetrated by people they know and trust. So, fully educating boys during their formative years about what constitutes consent and why it's important to practice explicitly asking for consent could potentially eradicate a large swath of acquaintance rape. It's not a condemnation on their character or gender, but an extra set of tools to help young men approach sex without damaging themselves or anyone else.

screenshot from Hannity show

Zerlina Maxwell is interviewed on "Hannity."

Image from “Hannity."

But what does teaching boys about consent really look like in action?

Well, there's the viral letter I wrote to my teen titled "Son, It's Okay If You Don't Get Laid Tonight" explaining his responsibility in the matter. I wanted to show by example that Maxwell's words weren't about shaming or blaming boys who'd done nothing wrong yet, but about giving them a road map to navigate their sexual encounters ahead.

There are also rape prevention campaigns on many college campuses, aiming to reach young men right at the heart of where acquaintance rape is so prevalent. The 2014 movement, "It's On Us," was backed by The White House and widely welcomed by many young men.

And then there are creative endeavors to find the right metaphors and combination of words to get people to shake off their acceptance of cultural norms and see rape culture clearly.

This is brilliant:

comics that illustrate consent

A comic about different types of consent.

Image from Everyday Feminism, used with permission by creator Alli Kirkham.

There you have it. Seven comparisons that anyone can use to show how simple and logical the idea of consent really is. Consent culture is on its way because more and more people are sharing these ideas and getting people to think critically. How can we not share an idea whose time has come?

This article originally appeared ten years ago.

"Macho Man'" Randy Savage during a 1992 appearance on "The Arsenio Hall Show."

A surprisingly wholesome video clip of the late iconic professional wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage went viral in 2022 for the surprisingly vulnerable answer he gave when asked if he ever cries.

The 1992 interview with Arsenio Hall began with Hall joking that Savage's middle name is 'Macho,' and asking if he ever cried. If you're not familiar with professional wrestling in the 1980s and early '90s, it was common for the biggest names of the day—Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Ultimate Warrior, Mr. Perfect and, of course, Macho Man—to take on personas that often embodied what we might now call "toxic masculinity." Many of them were after all what they call "heels," in wrestling circles, aka the bad guys.

So, it was pretty surprising to see the downright deep and wholesome response Savage gave to Hall without hesitation.

"It's OK for macho men to show every emotion available," Savage says in the clip. "I've cried a thousand times and I'm gonna cry some more."

This explanation of macho men being able to show all emotions was probably just as relevant then as it is now. The notion that it's not just OK, but completely normal and acceptable for men to cry goes against everything that some masculine norms have told boys from a young age. Not being able to express authentic emotions outside of anger can lead to mental health issues in men.

Watch the full clip below:

"I've soared with the eagles, I've slithered with the snakes and I've been everywhere in between," Savage continued. "Understand this: Nobody likes a quitter. Nobody said life was easy. So, if you get knocked down, take the standing eight count, get back up and fight again!"

As a public figure that boys, teens, and young men looked up to, it was pretty incredible to see Savage appear on national television and dispel the myth that tough guys don't cry and then take it one step further by proudly stating that he himself had cried "a thousand times" was powerful.

While this interview was filmed in the '90s, boys and men today are still fighting against the cultural norm of the hyper-masculine male image that includes bottling up emotions and not asking for help. All men experience a range of emotions, including sadness, because men are people and Macho Man is here to remind everyone it's OK to cry. Even when you're "macho."


This article originally appeared three years ago.

Health

We asked people what they really enjoy that others can't understand. One answer dominated.

Interestingly, research shows that these people are particularly unlikely to be neurotic.

Canva

Some people really enjoy being alone.

We recently asked our Upworthy audience on Facebook, "What's something that you really enjoy that other people can't seem to understand?" and over 1,700 people weighed in. Some people shared things like housework, cleaning and laundry, which a lot of people see as chores. Others shared different puzzles or forms of art they like doing, and still others shared things like long car rides or grocery shopping.

But one answer dominated the list of responses. It came in various wordings, but by far the most common answer to the question was "silent solitude." Here are a few examples:

"Feeling perfectly content, when I’m all alone."

"Being home. Alone. In silence."

"That I enjoy being alone and my soul is at peace in the silence. I don't need to be around others to feel content, and it takes me days to recharge from being overstimulated after having an eventful day surrounded by others."

"Enjoying your own company. Being alone isn’t isolating oneself. It’s intentional peace and healthy… especially for deep feelers/thinkers."

Spending time by ourselves is something some of us relish, while some of us hate being alone. Naturally, this points to the common theory of introversion vs. extraversion, but in some ways, that's overly simplistic. Even the most peopley people among us can enjoy some quality alone time, and not all introverts see time alone as truly enjoyable. (It might be necessary for an introvert's well-being, but not necessarily something they truly revel in.)

Interesting, studies have found that people who enjoy being alone are not any more or less extraverted than those who don't, though they do tend to be less "sociable." They are also less likely to be neurotic (tense, moody, worrying types) than the generally population and more likely to be open-minded. Those characteristics are the opposite of what social norms often tell us about people who want to be alone.

"If our stereotypes about people who like being alone were true, then we should find that they are neurotic and closed-minded. In fact, just the opposite is true," writes Bella DePaulo, PhD.

There may be lots of reasons some people like to spend time by themselves while others don't. We are naturally social creatures and need social interaction, but some of us find ourselves overstimulated by being around other people all the time. On the flip side, some people find being alone not just unenjoyable, but extremely uncomfortable, which can be a problem.

"Ideally, we should be comfortable with ourselves, alone or with others," writes psychologist Tara Well Ph.D.. "If you are uncomfortable being alone, it means you are uncomfortable being with yourself without distraction, engagement, or affirmation from others. This can be a liability in life. If you cannot be alone, you may stay in situations or make life choices that aren’t good for you in the long run, like staying in a job or a relationship, mainly because you can’t tolerate being alone while transitioning to a better situation."

Dr. Well also points out that people can make the most of their alone time, even if it's not something they naturally enjoy. One way is to make it purposeful, setting aside a little time daily to write in a journal, meditate, go for a walk or otherwise engage your mind and body in some form of reflection. Another is to pay attention to self-judgments that might make alone time uncomfortable and challenge them with some compassionate confrontation and counteraction with positive thoughts about yourself.

Alone time can be refreshing and rewarding, especially if it's something you naturally crave. Some people even like to take themselves out on dates or enjoy traveling by themselves. That kind of self-care can be just as important as connecting with others for our overall health and well-being. Being alone doesn't mean being a loner and it doesn't mean being lonely. Some of us genuinely like having quality time with ourselves, whether it makes sense to other people or not.


This article originally appeared last year.

"Dee" the delivery guy stoked to get some Doritos.

Sometimes the smallest gesture can change someone’s day for the better, especially when that act of kindness lets them know their work is appreciated. During the pandemic, delivery drivers have done a fantastic job keeping people healthy, so Toni Hillison Barnett told KKCO News 11 that she and her husband started a tradition of leaving snacks for their drivers on the front porch around 2020.

The Barnetts, who live in Louisville, Kentucky, can see the drivers' reactions by recording them on their doorbell cameras. “I live for reactions like this to our snack cart! Thx to all of the delivery drivers out there! We appreciate you!” Toni wrote on an Instagram post.

Recently, one of the Barnetts’ delivery guys, a joyous fellow that we believe is known as Dee, went viral on TikTok because of his positive reaction to receiving some snacks during his deliveries. The snacks are tasty, no doubt. But it’s also wonderful to feel appreciated. After Toni posted the video, it received more than 100,000 views.

“Oh my God, you guys are the best, I gotta take a snapshot of this,” Dee can be heard saying in the video. “Oh, Capri Suns are my favorite. Yes!”

@toniraebarnett

Snacks for our delivery drivers. This reaction might be one of the best! #snackcart #fyp #ups #nestcam #christmas #delivery #foryou

“Seeing a grown man get so excited about Capri Sun is extra wholesome," abigailbaet wrote on the TikTok post.

A fellow delivery driver explained the reason why he probably appreciated the gift so much: "I'm a delivery driver and so far had one house to do this … it was the best. Half the time we don't have time for a break and work 10+ hours," Michelle Mumpower wrote.

Dee returned for another delivery and found more snacks waiting for him. The follow-up video received more than 400,000 views.

“Thank you! Oh yes, no way, we’re back again with the Capri Sun,” he continued. “I think this is where I went viral, isn’t it? You guys are awesome. Thank you. Doritos … Thank you, have a great day. Thank you for making me go viral.”

@toniraebarnett

Replying to @itskatiepatton Dee is back again and we had the @caprisun waiting! TY tiktok for making this awesome @ups driver go viral!! The world needs more of his energy & attitude! 🤍 #snackcart #ups #caprisun #wholesome #fyp #foryoupage #christmas

The driver may have found out that the video was popular after a friend told him she saw it on the platform. “That’s my friend Dee!!!! He’s the best,” Katie wrote.

“Oh I'm so glad you commented! I was hoping someone would claim him! What an awesome vibe he has!! Tell him I'll keep the @Caprisun stocked!” Toni responded.

According to NBC News 11, the family has been giving out snacks to delivery drivers for the past three years as a thank-you for all of the hard work they’ve done since the beginning of the pandemic.

It’s touching to see a kind gesture of appreciation be accepted with such glee. It’s also wonderful that the videos have been seen by so many people, because they’re a wonderful reminder for all of us to show our appreciation to the people that are the backbone of our communities. As the Barnetts have shown us, sometimes a small gesture can make a big difference. Oh yeah, and be sure to stock some Capri Suns while you’re at it, just in case Dee is working in your neighborhood.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

Unsplash

Taking time off after having a baby is full of paradoxes. It can be strange, and a little boring and monotonous. It's jarring, especially for a busy career-oriented person, to suddenly be at home all the time doing laundry, dishes, and taking the occasional stroller walk. There's a part of you that gets restless and can't wait for it to be over. And that's why it's weird when dread kicks in the moment you realize your leave is almost up.

For many mothers, it can be hard to let go of that time with your baby — time you never really get back. Or, in some cases, babies.

One new mom of twins recently discussed the complicated emotions she was feeling on her very last day of maternity leave.


person's hand holding baby feet Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

TikTok user Marissa Jeanne couldn't hold back her tears as she held her babies and tried to describe the emotional toll she was facing on the eve of her return to work.

“Today is my last day of maternity leave, and I go back to work tomorrow. And I just feel like I haven't had enough time with them," she began bluntly.

“I know I got longer than a lot of women get with three months, but I just don't feel ready physically and mentally. I feel like there's so much that you think that you are going to do on maternity leave. I think you're going to accomplish so many things and do so many things with your babies. And then here I am at the end and I'm like, ‘I didn't do any of that,' but I feel like I did do a lot of this and that's one of the most important things,” she says of cuddling her sleeping babies.

“I think the hardest part is it's just like such an abrupt change that you're with your babies all the time, and then you pick them up from daycare and you might just get a few hours with them. So that's just such an abrupt change, and it's really hard.”

Moms often get pigeonholed once their babies come into the world. People assure them that their priorities will shift and they'll probably stop caring about their career (a bias sometimes called the 'maternal wall' that causes all kinds of problems when it comes to hindering moms in their work). Marissa perfectly explained how it's possible, and quite common, to want both things at once — even if it's hard.

“I also love my career. I am proud of what I do, but there's always that mom guilt of you're not giving enough time to your kids, but you can't do it all. You can't give 100% to everything. I think that's something important to remember,” she says.

“I just feel so honored to be their mom and to have gotten the past three months with them. So I'm really grateful for that. For all the working moms out there, you're amazing. Yeah, you can't do it all, but you're doing the best that you can for your kids and that's all that matters.”

Watch the whole video from Marissa's TikTok here:

@marissa_jeanne

Last day of maternity leave and I am a mess. There’s nothing that prepares you for this day in your postpartum journey. #maternityleave #maternityleaveover #postpartumjourney #pospartum #3monthspostpartum #backtowork #workingmom #workingmoms #workingmomstruggles #twinmom

People in the comments were quick to point out: It doesn't have to be this way.

"Maternity leave in the US is way too short," one user wrote.

"Our instincts want us to say with the babies," said another.

"This breaks my heart! It's so unnatural for a mom to be separated from her tiny babies," added another user.

One person noted that since Marissa had twins, she should technically get double the time off. Hard to argue that one!

Other users were quick to share examples of how parental leave in other countries puts the US to shame.

In Germany, parents can take up to three years of leave without losing their jobs! It's unpaid, but parents may apply for an allowance from the government during that time, even if they had no prior income.

In Romania, parents are entitled to 126 days of leave at 85% of their prior pay.

Maternity leave in the UK can be up to a whopping 52 weeks, with 39 of those weeks being paid (starting at 90% of their average earnings and decreasing after 6 weeks). Canada? 15 weeks of paid leave (at only 55% pay, but still!) and an additional unpaid 35 weeks after that.

When you list it out like that, 3 months of unpaid leave is absolutely pathetic. But as Marissa's reaction points out, it's not just the pay.

First, there's the physical toll. Recovering from giving birth could take 6-8 weeks at a minimum, but probably much, much longer. So we're sending moms back to work when they've just barely gotten back on their feet.

And then, even worse, there's the emotional. When your babies are just a few weeks old, you're still deep in the bonding phase, and it's unimaginably jarring to have to cut it so short and drop them off at daycare so you can go back to work so soon. Plus, about 15% of moms will have postpartum depression, which can last for several years. And a whopping 85% will deal with the "baby blues" — hormonal fluctuations that occur after giving birth for several weeks and cause anxiety, crying, and temporary depression.

Most people would agree that 3 months is just really fast to be separated from brand new babies.

It's just sad that moms who work don't get a choice. If you're not ready to go back in 3 months, there's no guarantee that you could extend your leave and keep your job. Even if your family could handle the financial strain of a longer unpaid leave period, it's just not an option for most people. It makes new parents feel cornered and scared, and frustrated by a system that's setting them up to fail.

Luckily, things are steadily getting a little bit better, with more states adopting paid leave policies and more individual employers getting on board. Let's keep the momentum going, because we've got a long way to go.