Someone wrote a coronavirus parody of the Bare Naked Ladies' hit 'One Week' and it's perfect

Well-written parodies are gold, but they can be hard to come by. Everyone and their at-risk-for-coronavirus grandma thinks they're a great parody writer, but only a chosen few can pull it off successfully.


Enter Twitter user @daniAWESOME. She wrote a near-perfect coronavirus parody of Bare Naked Ladies' "One Week," and posted it on Twitter. (Of note: She doesn't have a huge Twitter following, but she IS being followed by President Barack Obama—for real—so well done, sister. ALLL the high fives.)

She generously invited whoever felt inclined to put the lyrics to music, and someone named Pepper Coyote took her up on it. Ah, the beauty of social media. Twitter can be a cesspool, but then incredible gems like this come out of it.

Here are the full lyrics so you can sing it on your own, followed by the video rendition. (A few of the verses have been changed a bit in the recorded version, but it's great.)

It's Been

One week since we quarantined
Said we'd all stay inside
And eat our groceries

Five days since you FaceTimed me

Saying
Be symptom free or don't come and see me

Three days since the living room
Became my office
and work moved onto all Zoom

Yesterday you'd abandoned me
But it'll still be two months till we get to be free

Wash your hands in the kitchen sink
Don't wanna be the link
That gives Corona to your fellow man

I don't have snacks but I wish
I had stocked up on tuna fish
I cleared my pantry
Well before the worst had yet began

Don't run your errands during peak times
Use Amazon Prime
As long as postal service comes through

Good thing we still have Netflix
Barnett's a dipshit
Love may be Blind but it is dumb too

Gonna be a flake and skip spring break
Because Miami's an outbreak
Full of sick college kids whose conduct could be safer

Gotta stop the shows
Cause if they go
Then the Pandemic's gonna grow
Cause they are dangerous
By order of the mayor

I cannot help it if I got Corona from my dad
Trying hard not to cough and I feel bad

I'm just trying to avoid my own funeral
Can't even go out to eat
Or I'll get ill

I called my senator for universal sick leave
I have a growing need to keep paying my bills

It's been
One week since COVID 19
Threw our plans in the air and killed our parties

Five days since emergency
We flatten the curve or be Italy

Three days since we all cocooned
We realized we can't beat this and no one's immune

Yesterday, someone coughed on me
And now it's eighteen months till we can all be free

Over in China, when some got stricken
They all got locked in and COVID stopped tickin'

Walking the dog with a mask on
When everyone's gone
And if I see somebody I run

At grocery stores I'm feeling panic
At home I'm manic
At doctor's offices I'm terrified

Like Idris Elba I'm feeling ill
Kay I don't feel ill
That's hypochondria all magnified

Gonna shut down all the fitness clubs
And shutter all the social hubs
And tell deBlasio stay home to work your hamstrings

Gotta make a joke but its too soon
Cases balloon between the Boomers and the sick
Until we get some vaccines

How can I stop watching news because it makes me sad
Need to know but all signs pointing to bad

We help our fellow man, and friends, that is beautiful
Drop off some food like a queen
For good will

We need the science and we need the people to believe
We need the tests before more people get hurt

It's Been

One week since the distancing
Dropped our lives to the side for our wellbeing

Five days since the testing grew and yet
Still not as much as all the other nations do

Three days since the briefing room
He said he's not the one to blame, and what can we do?

Yesterday, you just texted me
Cause it'll still be two weeks till we break quarantine

It'll still be two months till we break quarantine

It'll still be two years till we break quarantine

Close the stadium, sports are on deep freeze

Well done @daniAWESOME and @peppercoyote. Thanks for keeping us all entertained while we hole up in our homes.

One Week of COVID 19 - Barenaked Ladies parody - Lyrics by @daniAWESOME youtu.be



Moricz was banned from speaking up about LGBTQ topics. He found a brilliant workaround.

Senior class president Zander Moricz was given a fair warning: If he used his graduation speech to criticize the “Don’t Say Gay” law, then his microphone would be shut off immediately.

Moricz had been receiving a lot of attention for his LGBTQ activism prior to the ceremony. Moricz, an openly gay student at Pine View School for the Gifted in Florida, also organized student walkouts in protest and is the youngest public plaintiff in the state suing over the law formally known as the Parental Rights in Education law, which prohibits the discussion of sexual orientation or gender identity in grades K-3.

Though well beyond third grade, Moricz nevertheless was also banned from speaking up about the law, gender or sexuality. The 18-year-old tweeted, “I am the first openly-gay Class President in my school’s history–this censorship seems to show that they want me to be the last.”

However, during his speech, Moricz still delivered a powerful message about identity. Even if he did have to use a clever metaphor to do it.

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Photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash

Actions speak far louder than words.

It never fails. After a tragic mass shooting, social media is filled with posts offering thoughts and prayers. Politicians give long-winded speeches on the chamber floor or at press conferences asking Americans to do the thing they’ve been repeatedly trained to do after tragedy: offer heartfelt thoughts and prayers. When no real solution or plan of action is put forth to stop these senseless incidents from occurring so frequently in a country that considers itself a world leader, one has to wonder when we will be honest with ourselves about that very intangible automatic phrase.

Comedian Anthony Jeselnik brilliantly summed up what "thoughts and prayers" truly mean. In a 1.5-minute clip, Jeselnik talks about victims' priorities being that of survival and not wondering if they’re trending at that moment. The crowd laughs as he mimics the actions of well-meaning social media users offering thoughts and prayers after another mass shooting. He goes on to explain how the act of performatively offering thoughts and prayers to victims and their families really pulls the focus onto the author of the social media post and away from the event. In the short clip he expertly expresses how being performative on social media doesn’t typically equate to action that will help victims or enact long-term change.

Of course, this isn’t to say that thoughts and prayers aren’t welcomed or shouldn’t be shared. According to Rabbi Jack Moline "prayer without action is just noise." In a world where mass shootings are so common that a video clip from 2015 is still relevant, it's clear that more than thoughts and prayers are needed. It's important to examine what you’re doing outside of offering thoughts and prayers on social media. In another several years, hopefully this video clip won’t be as relevant, but at this rate it’s hard to see it any differently.

Joy

50-years ago they trade a grilled cheese for a painting. Now it's worth a small fortune.

Irene and Tony Demas regularly traded food at their restaurant in exchange for crafts. It paid off big time.

Photo by Gio Bartlett on Unsplash

Painting traded for grilled cheese worth thousands.

The grilled cheese at Irene and Tony Demas’ restaurant was truly something special. The combination of freshly baked artisan bread and 5-year-old cheddar was enough to make anyone’s mouth water, but no one was nearly as devoted to the item as the restaurant’s regular, John Kinnear.

Kinnear loved the London, Ontario restaurant's grilled cheese so much that he ordered it every single day, though he wouldn’t always pay for it in cash. The Demases were well known for bartering their food in exchange for odds and ends from local craftspeople and merchants.

“Everyone supported everyone back then,” Irene told the Guardian, saying that the couple would often trade free soup and a sandwich for fresh flowers. Two different kinds of nourishment, you might say.

And so, in the 1970s the Demases made a deal with Kinnear that he could pay them for his grilled cheese sandwiches with artwork. Being a painter himself and part of an art community, Kinnear would never run out of that currency.

Little did Kinnear—or anyone—know, eventually he would give the Demases a painting worth an entire lifetime's supply of grilled cheeses. And then some.

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