Three kids with festive hats in a classroom and a stressed mom with hands on head.
The school calendar is chock-full of activities that both parents and teachers have to rally for, but December is particularly teeming with holiday-themed events.
Between the labor-intensive donation drives, the parties requiring a bajillion different snacks and decorations, and the festive field trips that need several chaperones…conjuring up holiday magic is exhausting work for everyone involved—except maybe the kids.
For one mom on TikTok, the growing list finally felt like too much—and her stance sparked a heated debate about who’s really responsible for creating Christmas cheer.
In a video that quickly went viral, the creator known as @heyempoweredmama shared that she plans to decline every holiday request from her child’s school this year. No donations, no volunteering, no party planning, no field trips. Her message was clear: she’d reached her limit and made a firm decision to step back.
In her view, families that have the capacity will fill the gaps and classrooms will continue to run—and parents who bow out shouldn’t feel that they’re letting their children or their schools down.
This sentiment immediately prompted teachers to speak their piece about how this logic often forces already overworked educators to shoulder the burden, because, in truth, many parents opt out of showing support.
“Don’t worry, teachers like me are accustomed to picking up the slack and working even more (unpaid) when we don’t get enough parental support because WE don’t want to let our kids in our classroom down. 👍🏻”
“Please don’t make assumptions about the other parents who are picking up the slack. I teach. My husband teaches. We have two kids in two different schools. We are spread thin. But we still prioritize showing up for our kids, their teachers, and our school communities. I don’t always WANT to step in and volunteer, but I do, so that my children & their teachers are supported. It’s the same group of us, to- who participate, show up and do what we can to fill the holes left by so many families. You know nothing about what all were juggling and whether we WANT to step in and pick up the slack. You do you. But don’t make it sound like the list for volunteers is neverending. That's a lie you’re telling ourself in an effort to feel better about your choices.”
Self described “room parents” seemed to share a similar opinion.
“I am the room parent for my son’s class…other parents don’t step up, period. Everyone has the mindset that someone else will do it.”
The original poster responded to these reactions with understanding and reiterated that she’s doing her best within her own home. She acknowledged the strain on teachers while standing by her decision.
Still, some parents could empathize with where she was coming from.
“Honestly, I completely understand. This is one of the reasons I don’t LOOOVE the holidays the way others do. It’s like two months of chores. School parties, teacher gifts, cookie swaps, food drives, Christmas concerts, etc., etc. On top of everything else that has to be done this time. It’s a LOT. I have also had to set some boundaries in this department. I will participate and volunteer some other time of year. Christmas? The busiest time of the year? Count me out.”
Many also had constructive ideas for how things could be made more manageable, such as taking on just one volunteering activity, volunteering only for events their child is actually involved in (like a performance), or making a monetary donation instead.
As the conversation grew, @heyempoweredmama released a series of follow-up videos in which she clarified that, at her child’s school at least, there was no real shortage of active parent volunteers. She also argued that the real problem is the school system itself, which requires everyone—parents and teachers alike—to do “too much.”
What this viral moment reveals isn’t a battle between parents and teachers, but their shared burden. Parents feel buried by the growing demands of schools. Teachers feel equally swamped by a system that’s failing them. Both groups want students to experience joy during the holidays. Both wish the load felt lighter. Both are overwhelmed.
No matter where you stand on this particular debate, most of us can agree on this: no one can carry the season alone. As long as the system relies on people who are already stretched thin, conversations like this will keep resurfacing every holiday season.
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