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Delilah Antoinette, founder of Black Girl's Healing House, knows the value of sisterhood

black girls healing house
Photos from Delilah Antionette, used with permission

Just a queen sitting on her throne, NBD.

“The story of Blackness isn’t just about trauma. Blackness can be luxurious, filled with joy, and a healing experience.”

You could say this is the mantra playing on repeat in the heart of Delilah Antoinette, founder of Black Girl’s Healing House. Her organization, an invention forged out of necessity and inspired by Antoinette's own lack of resources, proudly “connects Black Women to Black Wellness.”

As a fellow advocate for spiritual healing, I was thrilled to hear Antoinette’s story and honored to share her mission. So many people feel that their circumstances—be it class, culture, or background—somehow exclude them from being able to achieve mental and emotional health. Or, even worse, they’re made to feel that way by the ignorance of others.

This was how her journey began. As a daughter to a single mother who struggled with mental illness, Antoinette had to seek a nurturing environment elsewhere. And, despite growing up “Christian-ish,” the church simply didn’t resonate like she hoped. It wasn’t until she found alternative spiritual concepts, like the Law of Attraction, affirmations and mindfulness, that she started to notice real shifts.

“I was experiencing more joy and freedom,” she told me. “That opened the door for me to explore what else was out there outside of what I knew.”

Though she was on the right path, finding a real sanctuary would still be a challenge, as most wellness spaces felt less than welcoming.

Reflecting on her experience Antoinette says: “Most of the yoga and meditation classes were filled with the privileged and I got stares and uncomfortable smiles. I even got followed around in the store.”

If there’s one thing I know, it’s that you need to feel safe in order to heal. You have to trust your environment in order to go deep into the uncomfortable and purge the pain. That can be next to impossible if you are treated like an outsider.

Knowing she couldn’t be the only Black woman struggling to find community in the wellness space, she decided to create her own.

Black Girl’s Healing House offers members free and affordable resources, classes and services related to spirituality, meditation, astrology and mindfulness.

Included in those services is reiki, one of Antoinette’s favorite modalities. Reiki is a form of energy healing that can be performed anywhere at any distance, and can even be used with children or animals. It’s a go-to when she doesn’t feel her best (same, Delilah, same).

In addition, the organization helps Black women find therapists, life coaches, herbalists, nutritionists and more to help them begin their healing journey and live healthier, happier lives. All of the professional healers listed have been personally vetted by Antoinette.

mental health for black women

A recent inspirational post from BGHH's Facebook group.

Currently, Black Girl’s Healing House has a whopping 61,000 members on Facebook alone. What makes it so successful? In a word, sisterhood.

“My team and I do a great job at setting the tone for a safe space but our members really take ownership and pride in being their sister’s keeper to make it a brave space that still holds you accountable,” says Antoinette.

This is truly a game changer for Black women, who deal with both external and internal obstacles when it comes to wellness.

For starters, there’s the sheer lack of physical access.

“If you look at our local Black communities, we have more liquor stores and car washes than recreational centers," says Antoinette. "We would have to drive 25 minute to the side of town where the roads are paved to find therapists, life coaches, juice bars, salt caves and yoga studios.”

Three BGHH members openly sharing in a safe, loving place.

Combine that with an overwhelming amount of ingrained shame surrounding mental health.

“In the Black community we have a wellness stigma that calls everything witchcraft and 'for white people' when it exists outside of church," says Antoinette. "Very few people take their time to educate themselves and fear the unknown. It's like the saying 'Black folks don’t swim.' There is 'Black folks don’t do yoga.' and 'Black folks don’t practice affirmations.'"

To that point, Antoinette adds that “a part of Black culture is the superhero complex,” in which pain is largely kept invisible in order to present strength and resilience. And sadly, all of these limitations contribute to tragic statistics, one being that Black women are half as likely to seek help as white women, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine.

But this is where Black Girl’s Healing House flips the script. Setting aside the common labels of “masculine” or “angry” or “strong” (which Antoinette astutely calls out as Black women actually being in survival mode), members of the Healing House are empowered to “discover their own brand of femininity and own it, heal in ways that it makes [them] more soft and able to receive and give, and we give Black women the voice to say 'I don’t want to be strong anymore.'"

If there’s one thing Antoinette wants other Black women to know on their healing journey, it’s that they are not alone, and change is not only possible, it’s a birthright.

“There are other Black women out there who not only have been in your shoes but have healed. There is abundance on the other side of the dark space you are in,” she says.

On the other side of that darkness is a healthy life, which Antoinette defines as having consciousness in every area of one's life: body, finances, home, mental, spirit and community. Words such as consciousness are staples of the wellness community, sometimes to the point where it loses all meaning. But in seeing Antoinette’s mission, and her creation, I am reminded of consciousness’ true essence. To become aware of the stories we tell ourselves and then to acknowledge our ability to rewrite those stories … it’s the most freeing thing in the world. Black Girl’s Healing House helps Black women to drop the heaviness of the past, shedding the former skin of victimhood and step into their true feminine power.

Or, as Antoinette quips, to “release the bags Erykah Badu referred to. Pack light.”

Antoinette has big plans for her Healing House, hoping to see hundreds of thousands of sisters join. And, using her background in fashion and design, she is currently designing luxury vegan leather totes as a creative catalyst for self-care conversation.

“Each bag has a name, a zodiac sign and tells the story of my own healing from lack of mindset, mother wounds, father wounds, depression, anxiety and postpartum," she says. "My vision is that when a woman sees herself in these bags, it gives her the confidence to tell her own healing story and share it with others. Someone else's testimony is someone else's medicine.”

Um, I’ll take a pink one in Scorpio Sun, Leo Moon, with Taurus Rising, please.

If you’re interested to learn more, or get some help for your own healing journey, you can find the Black Girl’s Healing House website here. Or go ahead and join their Facebook group, and create your own healing community.

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Land O’Lakes and Clove are filling the nation’s food banks with much-needed butter and shoes

Land O’Lakes and Clove are teaming up to bring comfort to communities in need.

True

Food banks are a community staple for millions of Americans. Not only do they provide nutritional assistance to low-income families, they’re also often one of the few places where people can get non-food essentials like diapers, toiletries, paper towels, clothing and more. For the 44 million people in the United States facing food insecurity, pantries can literally be a lifeline.

But that lifeline is at risk. Food pantries rely on donations, both from individuals and government programs, to stay stocked. Rising poverty levels and budget cuts mean that food pantries sometimes can’t meet the demands of their communities—and as a result, families go without.

No person should struggle for basic needs—which is why Land O’Lakes is teaming up with Clove in the name of comfort ahead of the 2025 holiday season.

Comfort, meet comfort.

A partnership between a farmer-owned cooperative and a modern footwear brand might seem like an unusual pairing. But the reality is that both organizations provide things that are enjoyable and much needed for American families.

You might be surprised to learn, for example, that dairy is one of the most requested but least-donated items at food banks around the nation. From a nutritional lens, dairy is a source of high-quality protein that provides 3 of 4 nutrients—calcium, potassium and vitamin D—that low-income households are at risk of missing from their diets.

But on a larger scale, dairy provides comfort. Items like butter, milk and cream are in high demand, particularly around the end of the year since so many families use these items for baking holiday treats. And while shoes can be stylish gifts, they’re also a basic necessity for hardworking frontline workers who provide care for others and spend hours on their feet. In fact, 96 million people in the U.S. spend their work shift standing.

"We are so excited to collaborate with Clove Shoes and take a moment to celebrate the color of the moment, but also our everyday favorite, butter yellow," said Heather Anfang, president of Land O'Lakes Dairy Foods. "As a company who shares our values of community, hard work and comfort, we are thrilled for the launch of their shoe but also for our shared donation to those in need in an important area for our two brands in Philadelphia."

Meaningful giving when people need it most

Together, the organizations have donated dozens of sneakers and more than 3,750 pounds of butter to Philabundance, one of the largest food banks in Philadelphia and part of Feeding America’s nationwide network of food banks, pantries, and meal programs. As they team up to donate needed supplies, they’re also helping families feel nourished—inside and out—ahead of the cold winter months.

"As a Philadelphia-based brand, we’re proud to give back to the community we call home—nourishing our city and supporting those who care every day," shares Jordyn Amoroso, Co-founder and CBO. Clove has also gifted 88 shoes to the students enrolled at Philabundance Community Kitchen: a free, life-changing workforce development program run by Philabundance.

At a time when so many are stretched thin and families are moving into the holiday season facing food insecurity, collaborations like these can provide an unexpected value—a chance to revitalize local communities, to nourish families, and show how comfort can take many different forms.

Learn more about this unexpected partnership here.

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27 English words people have a hard time enunciating properly, even native speakers

"The word I notice people struggle with is 'vulnerable'. Something about that N following an L is tricky."

Image via Canva/Povozniuk

English words that are difficult to enunciate.

The English language is hard to master, even for native speakers. With over an estimated one million words in the language, not only are English words hard to memorize—they can be hard to properly pronounce and enunciate. Getting tripped up with pronunciation can make your communication unclear, or worse—make you sound uneducated.

As American English teacher Vanessa explains, many mispronounced words are common and used in daily conversation due to tricky consonants and vowels in English words. But by knowing the proper pronunciation, it can help you become a more confident speaker, which is why she shared 33 words that are hard for English language learners to pronounce, such as "probably," "drawer," and "sixth."

On the subreddit r/words, a person posed the question: "What's a word you've noticed many native English speakers have difficulty enunciating even though the word is used fairly often?"

Turns out, there are a menagerie of words people notoriously stumble over. These are 27 English words that people say are the hardest to enunciate.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Tricky 'R' words

"The word I notice people struggle with is 'vulnerable'. Something about that N following an L is tricky." - common_grounder

"Rural." - Silent-Database5613

“'Nucular' for nuclear." - throwawayinthe818

"Remuneration v renumeration (first one is correct)." - RonanH69

"February. It sounds like you're pronouncing it like it's spelled Febuary. But it's spelled February." - SDF5-0, ShadedSpaces

"Mirror. Some people pronounce it 'meer'." - weinthenolababy, diversalarums

"Anthropomorphize is a word I have to use semi-frequently with limited success each attempt." - ohn_the_quain

"I can’t say the phrase 'rear wheel' without considerable effort." - ohn_the_quain

"Eraser (erasure, but they're talking about the pink rubber thing)." - evlmgs

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Multiple syllables

"Exacerbated vs exasperated." - SNAFU-lophagus

"'Asterisk'. A lot of people wind up inadvertently name-checking Asterix. I think it's best for those who struggle to use the alternative name for that punctuation mark, the 'Nathan Hale', after the American patriot who famously declared, 'I can only regret that I have but one asterisk for my country!'" - John_EightThirtyTwo

"I realized recently I have always mispronounced mischievous. It's mis-chiv-us, not mis-chee-vee-us. I don't know if I've ever heard anyone pronounce that correctly." - callmebigley"

'Supposebly' [supposedly]. Drives me up the wall." - BlushBrat

"Library. My coworker knows I hate it, so he’ll say Liberry every time." - Jillypenny"ET cetera, not 'ect' cetera. I think people are used to seeing the abbreviation etc and since there is no diphthong tc in English their mind bends it into ect." - AdFrequent4623

"The amount of people who say Pacific when they're trying to stay specific is pretty alarming. I'm not even sure if they know it's a different word sometimes." - Global-Discussion-41

"Then there was my old boss who would confidently and consistently use the word tenant when he meant tenet." - jaelith"

"Probably." - Rachel_Silver

"Contemplate. It's one of those word I hear people stumble over more than anything, often it comes out as Comtemplate, Contempate or a combination of both." - megthebat49

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Foods

"Turmeric. People drop the first R. It drives me nuts!" - Jillypenny

"Oh, and it’s espresso, no X [ex-presso]." - Jillypenny

"Also cardamom with an N." - nemmalur

"Pumpkin (punkin)." - evlmgs

espresso, espresso gif, sipping espresso, espresso drink, drinking espresso sipping modern family GIF Giphy

Awkward vowels

"Crayon 👑. My ex pronounced it 'cran'. Drove me up a wall." - rickulele, premeditatedlasagna

'Mute' for moot. A good friend of mine, who's extremely intelligent and articulate otherwise, says that. Unfortunately, it's a word she likes to use. I haven't had the heart to tell her she's pronouncing it incorrectly, and it's been three decades." NewsSad5006, common_grounder

"Jewelry." - weinthenolababy

"I hear grown adults calling wolves woofs and they're not doing it to be funny." - asexualrhino

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Burnout expert’s 11 rapid-fire questions reveal why Millennials feel so 'lazy'

"Well, this is both specific and accurate."

via Canva/Photos

A woman dealing with burnout.

A recent poll found that Millennials are the generation most likely to suffer from workplace burnout. A poll by Seramount, a global talent services firm, found that 67% of American workers report at least one symptom of burnout, and it's hitting younger workers hardest. Over 70% of Millennials (77%) and Gen Zers (72%) experience at least one burnout symptom, compared to Gen X (62%) and Boomers (32%).

Why is it that burnout hits Millennials so much harder than even its younger cohorts? “Millennials already weathered several seasons of significant turmoil during their relatively short careers, from the Great Recession to the COVID-19 pandemic,” said Diana Forster, Senior Director of Qualitative Research at Seramount. “Now, many are in mid-level management roles with increased responsibilities, intensifying stress and burnout.”


Why do Millennials suffer from burnout?

Dr. Sarah Nicholls, a former emergency room doctor and current life coach specializing in burnout, laid out the reasons why Millennials feel so "lazy" by asking herself 11 rapid-fire questions.

@drsarahnicholls

it's a mystery 🤷‍♀️ Find the full 'am I lazy or am I burnt out' video on my youtube channel

The rapid-fire questions asked by Dr. Nicholls included some textbook symptoms of burnout:

"Do you work an incredibly demanding job?"

"Have you been working through your lunch break and finishing late every day?"

"Do you say yes anytime someone asks you for a favor?"

"Have you been thinking about work all the time and feel like you never really get a chance to switch off?"

"Do you have loads of unread messages from friends and family, and now you feel like a bad friend on top of everything else because you don’t have the energy to read and reply?"

The vast majority of commenters on the video thought that Dr. Nicholls was spot on in her description of why Millennials feel so burnt out and lazy these days. “Well, this is both specific and accurate,” lifewithtedanddougal wrote. “Where’d you get that footage of me on the sofa?” Heather Annie added.

burnout, millennial, work, tired, lazy, office A woman dealing with burnout.via Canva/Photos


How to prevent burnout

Many Millennials are burned out because they don’t feel they can keep up with their professional and social obligations. Dr. Molly Moore says the first step someone dealing with burnout can take is to start setting boundaries. Dr. Moore, a licensed psychologist with over 10 years of experience in mental health and wellness currently has a virtual private practice specializing in working with high-achieving women who experience anxiety, imposter syndrome, and burnout.

“Setting boundaries can be hard for many of my high-achieving clients who thrive off feeling productive and getting recognition. But burnout can stem from a lack of boundaries in our personal and professional lives. Boundaries can help high-achieving folks be more present and thrive in both their personal and professional lives,” Dr. Moore told Upworthy. “Some examples of boundaries may look like: not answering emails or taking work calls after hours, communicating clearly about your capacity and response time, delegating tasks that you do not have time or space for, utilizing their PTO (most of my clients have LOTS of PTO time that they have trouble utilizing), and taking multiple short breaks during the day.”

burnout, millennial, work, tired, lazy, office A woman dealing with burnout.via Canva/Photos

How to recover from burnout

For those dealing with burnout and looking to regain their energy, Dr. Sarah Boss from The Balance Rehab Clinic says you have to be intentional about rebuilding your resilience.

“You can’t eliminate stress, but you can train your system to recover from it. That means prioritizing proper sleep, balanced nutrition, daily movement, and moments of genuine downtime. I often talk about mindful rest—consciously choosing to pause and recharge instead of collapsing from exhaustion. It’s about actively scheduling recovery, whether that’s a walk, sitting in the sun, or simply being present with yourself. If you learn to regulate your stress response daily, burnout becomes far less likely,” Boss told Upworthy. “Most people wait until they have 'time' to recover, and that’s the myth that causes burnout in the first place. We can’t wait for space to appear to regulate ourselves; we have to build it into our daily schedule.”

It can feel impossible to balance work and career when there are so many demands on your energy and attention. But our experts believe that with a little work, anything is possible. Setting boundaries and allowing for recovery time can help you navigate this stressful time by cultivating greater focus and energy.

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Man uses the shoe aisle to perfectly explain why middle-class Americans are hurting

The "garbage shoes" helped him demonstrate his point brilliantly.

Photo credit: Canva

Remember things being built to last?

Unfortunately, most Americans are well aware of shrinkflation, where food companies reduce the sizes of their products while the price remains the same at the grocery store. You see this in fast food restaurants when you pick up a burger and feel like your hand has grown a few inches, and at the supermarket when you buy a box of cookies, it weighs less than it did a few weeks ago. Companies use this strategy when they think you’ll be less likely to notice a dip in quantity than a hike in the price.

We see something similar in the world of retail, particularly fast fashion. Fast fashion offers cheaper garments made from low-quality materials that last about as long as the trend does, so people can throw them away and buy the next hot thing. This can be a real problem because fast fashion harms the environment and leads to exploitative labor practices. And the tough part is—even for the most conscious of consumer, it's hard to escape from.

Here's a prime example of what this looks like in the real world. A few months ago, a TikTokker named Tom (@SideMoneyTom), popular for making videos about consumer products, went viral for a video where he called out shoe manufacturers for dropping their quality while keeping prices high. “So many of you guys want to shoot the messenger, but look, it's not my fault shoes are made out of Styrofoam and oil now,” Tom says in a TikTok with over 528,000 views. “It's literally every shoe you look at now. It's not even just the cheap ones. I can find hundred dollar plus pairs of shoes all day long with glue squeezing out of their Styrofoam cracks.”

@sidemoneytom

Replying to @Oscar Magaña shoes are done #fyp #shoes #foryou

Tom notes that recently, shoes have been made with foam soles instead of rubber. Both have pros and cons. Foam is a little more comfortable, but rubber lasts a lot longer. Rubber shoes keep shape and support over time and are much more durable. Conversely, foam shoes compress over time, losing their support and comfort. When companies sell cheaper shoes that wear out more quickly, they make much more money because you must keep replacing them.

In the video, Tom adds that many companies that used to have shoes made with rubber heels, such as Carhartt and Timberland, have switched to foam. This is an interesting choice for brands that pride themselves on selling durable products.

Cora Harrington, a writer and lingerie expert, says that companies aren't entirely to blame. Americans don’t want to pay higher prices. “People don’t exactly want to pay more for all that stuff,” Harrington told Vox. "So what has to happen if everything is more expensive and the customers still want to pay the same price, something has to be cut and that’s often going to be the quality of the garment.”

“There is an entire generation of consumers at this point that doesn’t actually know what high-quality clothing feels like and looks like,” Harrington continues. “It gets easier, I think, for consumers to just not know any better.”

@sidemoneytom

Replying to @donkles #shoes #fyp #sketchers #nike

Many commenters have noticed the decline in shoe quality and praised Tom for pointing it out. "I am so happy I’m not the only one who is baffled by shoes being made of styrofoam and then being upcharged for them," one commenter wrote. "When shoes started being named some version of 'Air Light Cloud float,' my thought was it was because they went from quality rubber to cheap foam and less materials,” another commenter added.

Tom believes the decline in shoe quality is an example of a more significant trend affecting American consumers' products: quality is decreasing while prices remain the same. “The quality of everything is going to hell, and the prices are going up," Tom concludes his video. "The problem is, so many of us have just become used to it that we keep buying it, and we basically allow them to dumb down the quality of everything. Everything in our lives. These shoes are just the tip of the iceberg. Start thinking about it in your life. What are you gonna allow to be garbage quality?"

This article originally appeared in March. It has been updated.

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Grandma gives 'one reason' grandparents are pulling away. Parents say it's not that simple.

"There's bad grandparents and there's bad parents."

Photo credit: Canva

Parenting coach and grandma says unruly kids, enabled by parents, are fracturing families.

Being a parent isn't easy. Being a grandparent isn't easy. Apparently, one of the hardest jobs of all is each of them trying to get along with the other in a modern family. Conflict between parents and grandparents is nothing new, but it certainly feels like Millennials and Boomers are having an extremely hard time seeing eye to eye in many families.

Parenting coach and grandmother Jane Farano has a theory about why many grandparents are pulling away and engaging less with their grandkids. She says it comes down to "one reason."

"Anyone noticing this trend of the younger generation wanting nothing to do with grandparents?" Farano asks in a recent social media video.

She says grandparents reach out to her all the time and say that they're in pain. They don't feel close to their grandchildren or valued in their families.

"I’m seeing more and more grandparents who don’t want to spend time with their grandkids. Yes, there are many reasons for that—distance, health, family tension—but sometimes it’s deeper. Sometimes, it’s because the behavior of the grandchildren has become unbearable. And that’s not judgment—it’s exhaustion," she writes in the caption on Instagram.

"I'll be up front with you," Farano continues, narrating the video. "Parents, are you raising your kids in a way that their behavior is so bad that your grandparents are struggling to want to be around them?"

Those are strong words. But Farano's goal isn't necessarily to shame, rather it's to help families work through the issues that may be keeping them from a better, more loving connection—even if her message comes off a little harsh.

Farano's video caused a major stir, piling up over two million views on Facebook and nearly three million on Instagram. Her words, quite clearly, struck a nerve with both parents and grandparents alike.

Many viewers actually agreed with Farano's controversial observations, pointing to "gentle parenting" and helicopter parenting approaches, along with plentiful screen time, that they claim create anxious and rude kids. It's not just grandparents who see it that way, either. Teachers are quitting the profession in droves and worsening student behavior is one of the leading causes, and it's been documented that kids today have more trouble regulating their emotions and behaviors.

"My dad and his wife struggle to see my brothers kids because his wife has so many rules for them to even see the kids, and she has to be there, and they walk on eggshells with her," one Instagram commenter noted.

"The old fashioned stuff worked now we have a bunch of disrespectful kids that don’t want to be told to do anything," another added.

A grandmother on Facebook, Aleisha Knowles, shared her own heartbreaking story of struggling to connect with her granddaughter: "When I pick her up from her mom, my granddaughter (7) always acts like she doesn’t like me at all. It ... takes several hours for her to not be sassy or rude, but once we get to my house she remembers what is expected of her (show respect, please and thank you, etc.) then we have a great time with so much love. ... [But] when I drop her off, she is back to acting like she doesn’t like me or I annoy her. I don’t get my feelings hurt anymore and I’ve learned to get my hug and say goodbye before we leave for our drive back to her mom. I struggled with it the last few years thinking that she really doesn’t like to be around me, but I just follow her lead and know what to expect. But it can be hard on this Granny’s heart."

grandparents, boomers, boomer grandparents, parenting, dads, moms, kids, family, conflict Grandparents say kid's behavior is getting worse. Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Many grandparents echoed the same sentiment: Kids who are aloof, distracted by phones, rude, or disinterested in spending time together make it difficult for them to get more involved. However, one big and obvious question looms: Isn't this just what kids have always been like?

Many of the current generation of parents, especially the Gen Xers, were famously known as "latchkey kids." Their parents spent little time with them and they were often left to fend for themselves. There are jokes, memes, and reenactments galore of young Gen X kids coming home from school to an empty house with instructions to make themselves dinner and do some chores.

So, maybe the current crop of Boomer grandparents has unrealistic expectations of what it's really like to try to spend time with a hormonal, immature, unpredictable kid.

"This generation of grandparents dropped their kids off at their parents house so they didn’t have to deal with their children- they just don’t like children," one commenter wrote.

"It often feels like the boomer generation struggles to see the good we're trying to do for our kids and the cycles we're trying to break. Admitting fault isn't easy, but knowing better should lead to doing better. Unfortunately, that self-reflection can be tough when everything feels personal," said another.

It's also worth noting that about one in five American children are neurodivergent, which frequently comes with a host of minor and major behavior problems. Parents today are armed with far better diagnostics and way more information and training on how to manage a kid with special needs. It's safe to say that a lot of grandparents were never taught how to handle children with autism, ADHD, OCD, and more—and some are even skeptical of the diagnoses themselves.

grandparents, boomers, boomer grandparents, parenting, dads, moms, kids, family, conflict Despite the narratives, there are a lot of grandparents out there that have healthy, loving relationships with the grandkids. Photo by Isaac Quesada on Unsplash

Farano's post, however, also brought out many beautiful stories of families that have managed to navigate these conflicts and make it all work. Grandparents who step in to care for children while the parents work, and who are included and honored and valued for their wisdom and help. That's the goal we're all working toward.

Many families can get there with better communication. Niloufar Esmaeilpour, a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Founder at Lotus Therapy & Counselling Centre recommends a family meeting where "each person has a turn to speak without interruption. Grandparents can inform everyone about what behaviors they find hurtful or frustrating, and parents can explain the reasoning behind modern disciplinary methods or rules within the home."

It may not solve everything, but when these frustrations are kept unsaid, all parties get resentful and that's really when the family units begin to fracture.

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Happiness expert shares blunt advice for empty nesters: Stop smothering your college aged kids

This tough love advice comes from happiness researcher Gretchen Rubin.

@theholdernessfamily/Instagram

Gretchen Rubin blew some parents' minds by saying they only need calls once a week.

If you’re a parent of a college student, you’re all-too familiar with that strange, bittersweet ache that shows up once the house gets quiet.

Yes, everything stays cleaner for longer. Yes, there’s FINALLY peace in a way you always said you wanted. And yet, in that newly found space…you feel the tug of longing.

Despite being incredibly proud that your child is out there building a life that’s truly their own, it’s impossible not to miss those small, ordinary, yet oh-so precious moments: the casual check-ins, the “what’s for dinner” texts, the sound of them coming home.

You hope that a phone call—or two, or seven—each week might help fill that void. And when those calls get fewer and farther between…torture. Pure torture.

And as it turns out, according to happiness expert and author Gretchen Rubin, that distance can actually be a healthy sign of growth for both parent and child. In fact, in a recent episode of the Laugh Lines podcast, Rubin told hosts Kim and Penn Holderness that when it comes to keeping in touch with your college-aged kids, once a week is plenty.

If hearing this left you aghast, you’re not alone. Many parents, including Kim and Penn, were shook.

“That…was a dagger,” said Penn. Meanwhile, Kim just let out a gut wrenching “AGGGGGH.”

But Rubin’s tough love advice is rooted in compassion and sound reasoning. The first few months away from home can be overwhelming. College students are balancing classes, friendships, self-discovery, and, for the first time, life without a built-in safety net. Sometimes, fewer calls aren’t a sign of disconnection. They’re merely a sign of your kid adjusting to a new life. And pretty well too, if they’re not having to call home every minute of every day.

That said, Rubin added that, “I think if you have a communicative child, that’s wonderful.”

For those times when the calls do happen, Rubin encouraged parents to “keep it positive” and avoid what she calls “interviewing for pain.’” In other words, those well-meaning questions that come from love but land a little heavy.

Examples:

“Are you still fighting with your roommate all the time?”

“Is the food still bad?”

“How's that working out with all those girls sharing one bathroom?”

Rubin explains that these kinds of questions can make kids relive the rough parts instead of focusing on what’s going right. She argues that parents can do more good by guiding the conversations towards small wins, curiosity, and joy.

empty nest, kids in college, parents, parenting, holderness family, gretchen rubin, college, parenting advice It's not an empty nest. It's an open door. Photo credit: Canva

Her wisdom goes even deeper. “Sometimes parents will say, ‘I’m so sad, but they’re so happy. They’re having so much fun.’ But even that,” she said, “is a lot of pressure for a child to feel like, ‘Well, I have to be happy.’ Parents always say, ‘You’re only as happy as your least happy child,’ but I think for some children, ‘I’m only as happy as my least happy parent.’ And managing the happiness of a parent is very, very hard.”

Of course, other parents had mixed feelings about Rubin’s advice. Many admitted that they certainly did not live by that frequency.

“Once a weekkkkkkk. Hell no. I talked to my mom every day basically. I feel like that’s appropriate 😂”

“Once a week? Absolutely not. I’m in my 40’s and I talk to my mom every day.😂”

Still others brought up the fact that sometimes kids will avoid calling just when they need support the most.

“We text once a day. I require 1 FaceTime a week.. I have a son who’s 9 hours away. My first went 13 hours away and called weekly with amazing stories. I found out later when he was hospitalized due to anxiety that all his stories were lies to appease me.”

“Love Gretchen but on this I don’t agree. I’m the oldest. Someone told my mom to not call at all and wait for me to call them. Meanwhile at college, I was waiting for a call hoping someone missed me or was interested in my life at all…. I waited over 3 weeks for someone to call or ask ‘how are you?’ and it broke me…I would say it’s more important to know your child and just ask what they want or need.”

Understanding your child’s individual wants and needs is crucial, but Rubin’s essential message remains pretty universal: our kids shouldn’t have to carry the weight of our emotions while they’re figuring out their own. Letting them go doesn’t mean losing touch. It means trusting that love can hold steady across distance and time.

Whether it’s a once-a-week call, a once-a-month call, or a once-a-day call, remember that it’s more about maintaining a loving connection than about keeping tabs. It’s certainly no easy task, but kids need to know their parents are cheering them on from home, even when they’re too busy becoming themselves.

At the end of the day, parenting is an exercise in radical trust. Both of your child, and of yourself.

You can watch the full episode of the Laugh Lines podcast below:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

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