Bedtime battles got you down, parents? These tweets will have you laughing in solidarity.
Few aspects of parenting unite the masses like bedtime.
Sure, there are some superhuman parents who manage to wrangle their offspring into bed with a minimal amount of effort and agony. But then there are the rest of us.
If the idea of putting your loinfruit down for the night causes you to twitch uncontrollably, these tweets are for you.
Let's start with the big picture. If "drunk, rabid chimpanzees" is not a relatable description of bedtime with small children at your house, please teach us your ways.
It's all about routine, right? That's what the experts say. This color-coded diagram of a typical bedtime routine seems accurate:
It's a good idea to start the routine with a story, which can be a super sweet bonding time, and also feel like it takes a million bajillion years.
Then there's the lullaby. Or lullabies plural, until you end up singing whatever song comes into your head because OMG KID, JUST GO TO SLEEP.
You think you're done. But then comes the philosophy portion of the evening, where your kid who couldn't tell you a single thing they learned in school that day suddenly becomes super deep and inquisitive.
Now you find yourself torn between encouraging their curiosity and wanting to leave the damn room.
Finally, there's the dehydration phase of the night. You: "Goodnight!" Them: "Must . . . have . . . water . . ."
Seriously. YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH WATER.
After a few kids, you get wise to the water thing and use it as a science lesson.
That seems like it should be it right? Routine done, kid falls asleep?
But oh no. Kids like to get creative.
What the heck are you doing in your bed, kid?
And check this out. You know how sometimes you could swear your kids are doing all of this on purpose?
Well, apparently sometimes they are.
This is the kind of thing that makes us suspicious on the rare nights when bedtime actually runs smoothly. It's also what makes us age 10 years every night.
Sometimes the funniest things aren't even trying to be funny. May I present the most obvious study result in the history of study results?
Okay, Sherlock. If it were only that simple. Case in point:
All is not lost, however. This mom figured out a genius parenting hack to get kids to bed lickety-split:
Now let's say you do finally get them to sleep (probably by lying in bed with them because who are we kidding). That's when your own body inevitably betrays you as you attempt to leave without waking them.
Ah, bedtime. After three kids, I think I've figured out why it's such a chaotic mess. Kids simply operate on a completely different set of definitions than we do. It's the only explanation.

It's a good thing those little buggers are so darned cute. (Especially when they're asleep.)



A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
Gif of baby being baptized
Woman gives toddler a bath Canva


An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.