Bedtime battles got you down, parents? These tweets will have you laughing in solidarity.

Few aspects of parenting unite the masses like bedtime.

Sure, there are some superhuman parents who manage to wrangle their offspring into bed with a minimal amount of effort and agony. But then there are the rest of us.

If the idea of putting your loinfruit down for the night causes you to twitch uncontrollably, these tweets are for you.


Let's start with the big picture. If "drunk, rabid chimpanzees" is not a relatable description of bedtime with small children at your house, please teach us your ways.

It's all about routine, right? That's what the experts say. This color-coded diagram of a typical bedtime routine seems accurate:

It's a good idea to start the routine with a story, which can be a super sweet bonding time, and also feel like it takes a million bajillion years.

Then there's the lullaby. Or lullabies plural, until you end up singing whatever song comes into your head because OMG KID, JUST GO TO SLEEP.

You think you're done. But then comes the philosophy portion of the evening, where your kid who couldn't tell you a single thing they learned in school that day suddenly becomes super deep and inquisitive.

Now you find yourself torn between encouraging their curiosity and wanting to leave the damn room.

Finally, there's the dehydration phase of the night. You: "Goodnight!" Them: "Must . . . have . . . water . . ."

Seriously. YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH WATER.

After a few kids, you get wise to the water thing and use it as a science lesson.

That seems like it should be it right? Routine done, kid falls asleep?

But oh no. Kids like to get creative.

What the heck are you doing in your bed, kid?

And check this out. You know how sometimes you could swear your kids are doing all of this on purpose?

Well, apparently sometimes they are.

This is the kind of thing that makes us suspicious on the rare nights when bedtime actually runs smoothly. It's also what makes us age 10 years every night.

Sometimes the funniest things aren't even trying to be funny. May I present the most obvious study result in the history of study results?

Okay, Sherlock. If it were only that simple. Case in point:

All is not lost, however. This mom figured out a genius parenting hack to get kids to bed lickety-split:

Now let's say you do finally get them to sleep (probably by lying in bed with them because who are we kidding). That's when your own body inevitably betrays you as you attempt to leave without waking them.

Ah, bedtime. After three kids, I think I've figured out why it's such a chaotic mess. Kids simply operate on a completely different set of definitions than we do. It's the only explanation.

Image via Annie Reneau/Motherhood and More

It's a good thing those little buggers are so darned cute. (Especially when they're asleep.)

More
Courtesy of Houseplant.

In America, one dumb mistake can hang over your head forever.

Nearly 30% of the American adult population — about 70 million people — have at least one criminal conviction that can prevent them from being treated equally when it comes to everything from job and housing opportunities to child custody.

Twenty million of these Americans have felony convictions that can destroy their chances of making a comfortable living and prevents them from voting out the lawmakers who imprisoned them.

Many of these convictions are drug-related and stem from the War on Drugs that began in the U.S. '80s. This war has unfairly targeted the minority community, especially African-Americans.

Keep Reading Show less
Culture

Climate change is happening because the earth is warming at an accelerated rate, a significant portion of that acceleration is due to human activity, and not taking measures to mitigate it will have disastrous consequences for life as we know it.

In other words: Earth is heating up, it's kinda our fault, and if we don't fix it, we're screwed.

This is the consensus of the vast majority of the world's scientists who study such things for a living. Case closed. End of story.

How do we know this to be true? Because pretty much every reputable scientific organization on the planet has examined and endorsed these conclusions. Thousands of climate studies have been done, and multiple peer-reviewed studies have been done on those studies, showing that somewhere between 84 and 97 percent of active climate science experts support these conclusions. In fact, the majority of those studies put the consensus well above 90%.

Keep Reading Show less
Nature
via James Anderson

Two years ago, a tweet featuring the invoice for a fixed boiler went viral because the customer, a 91-year-old woman with leukemia, received the services for free.

"No charge for this lady under any circumstances," the invoice read. "We will be available 24 hours to help her and keep her as comfortable as possible."

The repair was done by James Anderson, 52, a father-of-five from Burnley, England. "James is an absolute star, it was overwhelming to see that it cost nothing," the woman's daughter told CNN.

Keep Reading Show less
Heroes

I live in a family with various food intolerances. Thankfully, none of them are super serious, but we are familiar with the challenges of finding alternatives to certain foods, constantly checking labels, and asking restaurants about their ingredients.

In our family, if someone accidentally eats something they shouldn't, it's mainly a bit of inconvenient discomfort. For those with truly life-threatening food allergies, the stakes are much higher.

I can't imagine the ongoing stress of deadly allergy, especially for parents trying to keep their little ones safe.

Keep Reading Show less
popular