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Education

Watch this baby deliver a perfect 39-second lesson on the power of perseverance

This is more inspiring than a Ted Talk, honestly.

baby in a highchair eating with a spoon and fork
@DanWuori/Twitter

Baby learning to eat with a spoon and fork

Being the brand-new humans that they are, babies aren't experts in anything, right?

Eh, not so fast.

However unconscious they are of their own expertise, babies are arguably experts at learning, We grown-ups tend to complicate the learning process with a whole host of emotional and psychological complexities—negative thinking, unrealistic expectations, shame, embarrassment— which cause us to give up when learning a new skill gets hard.

But babies? Babies just learn, without all of that baggage. And there's a lot we can learn by observing them.

Case in point: This baby trying to eat a strawberry with a spoon.

In a video shared by Dan Wuori, Ph.D.,Senior Director of Early Learning at the Hunt Insitute, we see a baby in a high chair with a plate full of food, a spoon and fork. She picks up her spoon with a slice of strawberry on it and tries to put it in her mouth. But the strawberry falls off the spoon before it gets there.

She puts the spoon down, puts the strawberry slice back on it, then tries again. Again, the strawberry falls off before it reaches her mouth.

Then the same thing again. And again. And if we just look at her end goal—eating a strawberry with her spoon—she fails at it again and again. But she's learning. Watch how her patient persistence and perseverance pays off:

Now, she could have just picked up the strawberry with her fingers and saved herself from failing over and over again. But she was on a self-driven mission to use the tool she's seen the big humans use.

And rather than get frustrated and give up after it wasn't working, she kept at it. Without speaking a word, she says with her actions that she's determined and confident that she can do it. She hasn't learned yet that failure is frustrating or embarrassing. All failure is to her is a stage of the learning process.

It's also notable that the parent just watched (and giggled a bit) rather than intervening or coaching her. Some things are best learned by trial and error or just repeated practice, and often outside feedback can hinder that process more than help it. Even praise or cheering her on could have made the feat more about making Mom happy than about accomplishing the feat itself.

Good lessons to remember when we are learning something new. Be patient and confident. Don't let frustration or embarrassment get in the way. Keep trying. Don't give up.

In other words, learn like a baby.

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Joy

NICU nurse adopts 14-year-old patient who delivered triplets alone

“I knew it would be impossible to find a foster home that would take all four of them. No one was going to take a teen mom and her preemie triplets.”

Today|YouTube

NICU nurse adopts teen with three babies.

Having your first baby is a scary experience. Everything is new—you've quite literally never done this before—not to mention an entire human is going to be removed from your body one way or another. Childbirth, no matter how your baby leaves your body, is not for the weak. But imagine giving birth alone to not just one baby, but three, all at the same time. Then imagine doing that feat at the age of 14.

Shariya Small experienced that scenario in a hospital in Indiana, and her nurse Katrina Mullen took note. Small's babies were premature, born at just 26 weeks, when the average gestation for triplets is 33 weeks, according to ReproductiveFacts.org. Due to their early birth, the babies, Serenitee, Samari and Sarayah, had to stay in the NICU at Community Hospital North in Indianapolis for more than five months, according to Today.com.

During their time in the NICU, Mullen noticed the young mom visited her babies alone, not appearing to have much of a support system. “She’d be there alone for days at a time sitting at her babies’ bedside,” Mullen told Today.com.

The pair got to know each other over the months that the babies were in the hospital, but Small continued to be reluctant to open up about her family life. That changed after she found out that Mullen had her first child at 16 and had given it up for adoption. Their experiences bonded the two moms, and Mullen began helping to care for the babies and Small by giving her advice and showing her how to properly care for the infants.

Eventually, Mullen gave Small her phone number before the babies were discharged from the hospital. It quickly became apparent that Small did not have a support system, as she called Mullen often asking for advice. Out of concern, the nurse went to visit Small an hour away, where she was living with a family member.

The condition of the home was concerning enough, but Mullen became even more worried when she saw how thin Small's son Samari was. It turns out he had to be admitted to the hospital, which prompted a visit from Child Protective Services, who determined that Small and her three infants would need to enter foster care. She gave the social worker Mullen's information and things began to fall into place.

Listen to Small and Mullen explain their unique story below:

This article originally appeared on 4.10.23

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Health

This woman’s viral Twitter thread about men NOT assaulting her is a must read

We need to hear more stories like this.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Maura Quint shares about men responding appropriately.


For anyone who thinks stories of sexual harassment and assault are complicated, writer Maura Quint has a story for you. Actually, she has quite a few.

Quint posted a thread on her Twitter account that quickly went viral in which she talked about a number of real-life encounters with men that started out sexual, involved her expressing disinterest, and the men responding appropriately.

It wasn't an unrealistic hero's tale of men handing over the keys to their autonomy. Rather, Quint's incredible thread made it clear that the only variable in cases of assault vs. non-assault are when a man doesn't respect the autonomy of the woman he's propositioning.

Her thread opens up in an all-too-familiar tone, where we're led to believe it will go to an incredibly dark place:

date rape, Maura Quint, respect

Maybe?

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Instead, Quint says her indifference to his proposition was met in kind with a guy just acting in a basic, non-rapey way:

honorable, educated, respectful

Should be expected.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

She goes on to offer several other examples of being in sexual or potentially sexual situations with men who also managed to not sexually assault her:

women, real men, character

Annoyed but with character.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

responsibility, honorable, equality

Meeting the right instead of wrong person.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

And here's the real kicker, Quint says she has been assaulted. To her, the difference isn't hard to pinpoint:

role models, parenting, raising good people

Difference being whether they were okay with assault.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

Her thread has been re-tweeted nearly 50,000 times and "liked" more than 100,000 times. Other women and some men jumped in with their own tales of drinking, partying and still, somehow, managing to not assault or even harass the women they encountered.

honesty, fairness, behavior

She married him.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

social norms, civic duty, public responsibility

Men avoid abusers too.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

love, kindness, consciousness, respectful

Kind and human.

via @behindyourback / Twitter

It's a stark contrast to the half-baked defenses of Brett Kavanaugh and other men like him. There are incredibly rare exceptions where a man is accused of assault or harassment and he is entirely free of guilt. But for women, or anyone for that matter, who has survived sexual assault or experienced sexual harassment, there is no "gray area."

There's being OK with assault and then there's everything else. Whether or not we're consciously aware of this, we've all chosen a side. But if you're on the wrong side, it doesn't have to be that way forever.


This article originally appeared on 10.02.18

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Pop Culture

Professional baby namer lists the top girl names from the 80s that 'did not age well'

Bad news for the Lindsays, Courtneys and Heathers of the world.

Photo credit: Canva, @namingbebe, TikTok

There was a time when every other girl was named Ashley. That time has ended.

As we know, baby name trends are constantly changing. One generation’s Barbara is another generation’s Bethany. But it doesn’t make it any less odd when you suddenly realize that your very own name has suddenly made it into the “old and unhip” pile. And for many of us 80s babies…that time is now.

In a now-viral TikTok post, baby name consultant Colleen Slagen went through the top 100 girl names from 1986 to find which ones “did not age well” and were no longer ranked top 1,000 today. Such a descent from popularity would mark them as what she calls “timestamp names.”

Spoiler alert: what might be even more surprising than the names now considered old school are the names that are still going strong.

The first name that Slagen says is “officially out” is Heather. That’s right, not even cult movie fame could help it keep its ranking.

via GIPHY

Other extinct names include Erica, Courtney, Lindsay, Tara, Crystal, Shannon, Brandy and Dana. Tiffany, Brittany and Casey are also heading very much in that direction.

“My name is Brandy. The Gen Z hostess at Olive Garden told me that she’d never heard my name before and it was so unique,” one viewer wrote.

However, Andrea ranks “surprisingly high,” and Jessica, Ashley and Stephanie have survived…so far.

Gobsmacked, one person asked “How is Stephanie still in there? I don’t think I’ve met a Stephanie younger than myself at 34.”

But the biggest holdout still belongs to Jennifer. “She was a top 100 name all the way up until 2008. Round of applause for Jennifer,” Slagen says in the clip.

@namingbebe Sorry Lindsay, Heather, and Courtney. #babynames #nametok #nameconsultant #girlnames #80skid #1986 #nametrend ♬ original sound - Colleen

If your name has found its way into relic of a bygone era status, fret not. Slagen, whose name also ranks out of the top 1000, assures it just means “we are creatures of the 80's.”

Of course, while we still have baby names that become incredibly common for extended periods of time (looking at you, little Liam and Olivia), the real contemporary trend is going for uniqueness. As an article in The Atlantic notes, for most of American history families tended to name their children after a previous family member, with the goal of blending in, rather than standing out. But now, things have changed.

Laura Wattenberg, the founder of Namerology, told the outlet that “Parents are thinking about naming kids more like how companies think about naming products, which is a kind of competitive marketplace where you need to be able to get attention to succeed.”

But again, even with a keen eye on individualism, patterns pop up. “The same thing we see in fashion trend cycles, we see in names,” Jessie Paquette, another professional baby namer, told Vox. “We’re seeing Eleanor, Maude, Edith—cool-girl grandma names.”

So who knows…give it time (or maybe just a pop song) and one of these 80s names could make a comeback.


This article originally appeared on 5.9.24

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Family

41 seconds is all you need to learn how to keep a choking baby from dying

These talking toys might save a life.

via St. John Ambulance/YouTube

A public service announcement from St. John Ambulance

Have you listened to the miscellaneous voices of your miscellaneous items on the floor lately?

Oh yours don't speak? Well these do.

And they have something to admit.

THEY ARE MURDERERS!

Conveniently enough, they offer four easy steps to make them not murderers.

ONE:

TWO:

THREE:

FOUR:

*phew*

And now for some follow-ups...

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO...

Less murderous miscellaneous items, safer babies, better world.


This article originally appeared on 1.14.15

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babies
Family

9 things to know about kids in foster care. Plus an unforgettable view into their lives.

Foster care is a nightmare for some kids and their foster parents. For others, it's a blessing.

Image via Nathaniel Matanick

A clip from "ReMoved Part Two"



Zoe's story, "Removed," has been seen by millions of people.

It was previously shared by my amazing Upworthy colleague Laura Willard. We got just a tiny taste of what it was like for kids in foster care, right after being removed. Specifically, a little girl named Zoe and her little brother Benaiah.

My wife and I, foster parents for the past year, even shared the original with our adoption worker, who passed it along to the entire agency and, then, it took off like wildfire among those people as well.

This is part 2 of that story, and it hits hard.

(Yes, the video's on the long side at about 20 minutes. But it's worth the watch to the end.)

She describes her life as a cycle, interrupted by a tornado. She's a foster child. I don't think I need to say any more.

So ... let's accompany that with 9 uncomfortable — but enlightening — facts below. There are only nine bolded, but within those headers, there are several more facts.

1. There are an estimated 400,000 kids in foster care right now.

Some are awaiting adoption. Some will go back to their parents. Others will age out or, sometimes, run away.

2. Foster kids can suffer from PTSD at almost two times the rate of returning veterans.

And PTSD can mimic a lot of other mental illnesses, and it can manifest as nightmares, flashbacks, fight-or-flee responses, anger outbursts, and hyper-vigilance (being on "red alert" at all times), among other symptoms.

Image via Nathaniel Matanick.


3. The average age of a foster child is 9 years old.

They're just on that edge of childhood, and chances are, it's been a pretty messed up childhood at that. Trauma does that.

4. About half of all foster kids are in non-relative foster homes.

8% are in institutions, 6% are in group homes, and only 4% are in pre-adoptive homes. Read that again — only 4% are in pre-adoptive homes.

5. Some of foster children experience multiple placements. In some cases, eight or more.

That's eight homes that they move into — and out of. And just consider ... that means they lose not just adults and other kids with whom they are establishing a bond, but friends, schoolmates, pets.

Clip via Nathaniel Matanick


6. The average foster child remains in the system for almost two years before being reunited with their biological parents, adopted, aging out, or other outcomes.

8% of them remain in foster care for over five years. Of the 238,000 foster kids who left the system in 2013, about half were reunited with parents or primary caregivers, 21% were adopted, 15% went to live with a relative or other guardian, and 10% were emancipated (aged out).

7. In 2013, more than 23,000 young people aged out of foster care with no permanent family to end up with.

And if you add that up, year after year, hundreds of thousands of foster youth will have aged out of the system. What does that look like? "You're 18. You've got no place to live and no family. Good luck — buh-bye now!" One-quarter of former foster kids experience homelessness within four years of exiting the system.

8. Foster "alumni" (those who have been in foster homes and either adopted, returned to parents, or aged out) are likely to suffer serious mental health consequences.

They are four-five times more likely to be hospitalized for attempting suicide and five-eight times more likely to be hospitalized for serious psychiatric disorders in their teens.

Based on that set of statistics alone, it's in the public's interest (ignoring, for a second, the interests of those kids) to help them through their lot in life and spend resources making it all work much better for everybody before it gets to that point. Right?

So there's a lot to be angry about in this whole messed up situation. But this next thing? My blood boils.

What's one of the biggest risk factors in families whose children are placed in foster care?

Your guess?

Cruelty?

Drugs?

Sexual abuse?

Neglect?

The answer is ...

9. Poverty

Together with homelessness and unemployment, it's a main contributing factor. It happens all the time. The fact that it's far easier for a parent to be accused and investigated for neglect or abuse because of simple things like lack of access to a vehicle, or a working refrigerator, or the ability to get a kid to a doctor's appointment — that has a lot to do with this. Tie that to the link between drug abuse and poverty and between poverty and child abuse ... well, you can see where this is going.

And in a country where one-third of children are living in poverty (hint: the good ol' U.S. of A.), imagine how that affects the number of kids being removed and placed into foster care.

I'll end this with a bit of hope through my story.

My kids went through something a lot like the kids in the clip above before they came to live with us. We've been through the ringer in ways that we're going to have to talk about one day because it's not just that the kids have been challenging — they have — it's that the system itself has been more challenging.

The entire system — from agencies to government entities to social workers to even the schools — seems like it's designed to fail these kids and the families who are attempting to help. It's almost designed not to work. There, I said it.

But that doesn't mean we won't fight to make it better for everybody. We most definitely will.

Image from a photo by my wife, Robin.

As for us, we're just a few weeks away from becoming the legal parents to these kids, and we're extremely happy to be right here, making it happen. And they seem quite happy to be our kids. Along the way, we fell in love with them, and we can't imagine life without them.

But to be totally honest ... if we'd have known how hard it was going to be when we started this journey, and if we could somehow turn back the clock and NOT do it ... well, would we have actually gone forward with the process?

I take that back. I won't be totally honest here. I will simply let you decide.

Here are some places to help, if you're so inclined.

        • AdoptUsKids.org is a place to start if you're considering fostering or adopting.
        • My Stuff Bags is a really cool and inexpensive way to help foster kids by gifting them actual luggage, duffel bags, and more, so that they don't travel from home to home with garbage bags for their belongings — or nothing at all.
        • CASA for Children offers legal help and advocates for foster kids through a network of volunteers.

        This story was written by Brandon Weber and originally appeared on 07.17.15

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