upworthy

Ally Hirschlag

Modern Families

Married couple sticks it to nosy friends and relatives with viral 'announcement' prank

They got so tired of the baby question, they decided a formal announcement was in order.

Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.
One couple's perfect response to people asking when they're going to have kids.

Every couple has gotten the question at some point, especially from pesky parents and in-laws. It's a rite of passage when your relationship starts to become serious, and it only ramps up faster and faster after you get married: "When are you guys going to start having kids?"

Like many couples, Carrie Jansen and her husband Nic had heard this question a million different ways, a million different times.

The pressure really started to mount after the pair got married. While Carrie loves kids (she's an elementary school teacher, after all), she and Nic simply aren't interested in having kids of their own. Now or ever.

"It's not what I was meant for," explains Carrie in a Facebook message. "It's like, I love flowers, and everyone loves flowers. But that doesn't mean I want to grow my own. I'm perfectly happy admiring other people's gardens."

Carrie wanted to tell her family that they don't plan on having kids but knew if she did, they'd say something like, "Oh you'll change your mind one day!" and that pesky question would keep rearing its ugly head. So she decided to get creative.

Ah, yes, people who have chosen not to have kids absolutely love having their thoughtful decision immediately dismissed as silliness! Worse, there's the camp that insists they'll regret it one day, and begs the couple to reconsider.

Still, it's not an easy conversation to have with loved ones and relatives.

"We don't want kids, but if it’s Grandma asking, I won’t tell her straight up...because we don’t want to give her a heart attack," Carrie told Buzzfeed. "So usually, I’ll give her the general ‘We’ll see!’ or ‘Not this year!’”

 pregnancy, moms, motherhood, family, couples, childfree, culture, love, relationships, marriage, pets Dressed to the nines on their wedding day. Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.

Rather than continue to deflect the question over and over, Carrie decided that a clear and formal announcement made sense. But how to make the announcement was another matter. How could she and Nic strike the right tone? Serious, but not morose. Firm, but playful. Final, but optimistic.

But that's not to say that the couple wasn't planning on making any big changes. In fact, they were adding another mouth to feed to the family, and they decided to announce it with a series of maternity-style photos, revealing the twist:

The new addition was a puppy named Leelu, not a baby.

"My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?" she captioned the photos shared to Facebook and Imgur.

 pregnancy, moms, motherhood, family, couples, childfree, culture, love, relationships, marriage, pets Look at my newborn baby... puppy. Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

Her pictures went massively viral, with many of the commenters giving her props for hilariously addressing the dreaded "kids " question.

"If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Seriously. Have fun with each other. I had three kids early and it's all about them now," wrote one commenter.

"I wish people would just mind their business raising a kid ain't easy and cheap," wrote another.

"I got my husband a vasectomy for his birthday this year. Best gift ever," chimed in a third.

Carrie was overwhelmed and inspired by the viral response. "Having children is definitely a hot topic, and one that is evolving in this generation like so many other social issues," she says. "It's exciting to find others that feel the same way I do.”


 pregnancy, moms, motherhood, family, couples, childfree, culture, love, relationships, marriage, pets The happy, child-free couple at the beach.Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.

Carrie is hardly alone in not wanting to have kids — in fact, a record number of women are choosing not to have kids today.

Pew Research recently concluded that 47% of adults 18-49 say they're "unlikely" to ever have children, a number that has grown steadily over the years. Statistica backs this claim up, finding that 46.9% of women aged 15-50 in the United States are childless. Despite the numbers, however, because we still live in a patriarchally-driven society, women regularly face the expectation that they should be mothers, and they often are judged if they decide not to be.

When you think about it, it's pretty baffling! Child-free people are not some fringe minority. They make up about half of all adults. It should be viewed as a completely normal choice that requires no explanation or, yes, even funny gimmick announcements.

Whether you want to have one kid, five kids, no kids, or a puppy, the choice should be yours and no one else's.

There are a lot of reasons couples might choose not to have children. It could come down to the cost, the stress, the loss of freedom — or simply because they don't want to.

What's especially great about Nic and Carrie's viral post is that it went on to inspire other couples to do the same: Make cheeky announcements about puppies, their decision to go child-free, or even their vasectomies!

No one else has the right to put pressure on you to change your body and life in a drastic way. Thankfully, because of women like Carrie — and partners like Nic — who aren't afraid to bring the subject out in the open, the expectations are slowly but surely changing.

This article originally appeared nine years ago.

Education

How the famous 'growth vs. fixed' mindset came to be

Both students and teachers who began using this now famous method noticed near instant improvement.

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Today almost everyone has heard of the "Mindset Method"

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XQ

Do you think you're born with all the smarts you'll ever have or that you can get smarter over time?

It may sound like a silly question, but many kids aren't aware of the power of their own brains.

This was especially true of Griselda Rutherford's students. In her 20 years of teaching in the District of Columbia Public School System, she'd often have a tough time getting them on board the learning train.


She noticed many students seemed to feel defeated before even starting a task. They weren't willing to take risks during lessons and assignments and were afraid to ask questions. Sometimes they wouldn't even answer her questions for fear of being wrong. It's as if they were terrified of failure, and as a result, their progress in class slowed to a crawl.

Then, in 2013, Rutherford's district started implementing a teaching technique called the "Mindset Method." It changed everything.

brain, education, new systems, improvement

Teacher and students working in the Mindset program

All photos via MindsetWorks

The Mindset Method was developed by Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, and her colleagues. Researchers and education experts like Angela Duckworth and others have added to the body of knowledge over the last two decades to support these theories.

The theories explain that learners think about their abilities in two ways: as a fixed mindset or a growth mindset

People with a fixed mindset think how smart they are is set in stone and that time and effort won't really change much. On the other hand, people with a growth mindset think the brains they were born with are just the beginning, and hard work can improve them. Growth mindset learners are more willing to take on challenges, see failures as an opportunity to learn and persist to overcome obstacles rather than giving up.

In order to prove this theory, Rutherford began working with schools to help teachers apply methods of fostering growth mindsets to their classrooms. The basic teaching principle was to encourage and reward effort rather than just praise achievement.

Teachers also had access to Brainology, a computer program that showed students how their brains were like muscles that strengthen with regular exercise. Through interactive animation and prompted activities, students learn how simple it is to grow and improve their brains. This helps them gain confidence in their abilities, which makes them want to take on more challenges and reach higher levels in the classroom.

Slowly but surely, Rutherford began noticing her students were gaining confidence. And lo and behold, their schoolwork also improved.

program, learning, positive growth, mindset

A student uses the Brainology program.

Photo via MindsetWorks

"The program helped them to identify what a growth mindset looks like," Rutherford writes in an email. "Students are now aware of the idea that the more you learn, the more your brain will grow."

The program also encourages students to be responsible for their own learning and self-monitor their mindset growth. Rutherford actually noticed one of her students doing just that during a class assessment when he asked her for another sheet of paper.

"I saw him write some words on the blank paper and then place a big X on the words," writes Rutherford. "He explained to me he was using the test stress reliever strategies he learned in Brainology." He was crossing out negative words and replacing them with positive ones, which helps knock out defeating thoughts.

The positive effects of encouraging a growth mindset can also be seen across the board in testing scores.

change, method, comprehensive test, improvement

A teacher explains the exercises for the day.

Photo via MindsetWorks

After just one year of using the Mindset Method in her classrooms for fourth through eighth grades, Rutherford says all of her students did better in reading and math. After year two, 83% scored advanced levels in reading and 23% scored advanced levels in math.

Similar improvements were seen in a case study performed at Fiske Elementary School in Massachusetts. They saw a 75.5% growth in state comprehensive test scores in math after a year on the Mindset Method. That's one heck of a jump!

However, it's not just about the students' growth. The teachers working within the Mindset Method program are changing for the better too.

education, empowerment, effort, students

Teachers get learn the program too.

Photo via MindsetWorks

Rutherford, for example, learned how important it was to praise her students for their efforts rather than just tell them they're smart.

"This type of praise empowers all students to take risks and allows them to understand it’s OK to make mistakes," explains Rutherford.

If giving an "A" for effort becomes a real thing in every classroom, it could give so many more kids the chance to reach their full potential.

By constantly repeating the idea that intelligence is not fixed and limitless growth is possible with extra effort and dedication, teachers are giving confidence back to kids. And confidence is the foundation upon which true greatness is built.





Family

We know that adults suffer when they don't get enough sleep. For kids, it's even worse.

Just like adults, children’s ability to get through the day is compromised when they don't get enough sleep, but in order to understand why that happens, we have to look at how the brain works.

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Are kids getting the required amount of daily sleep?

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Westin Thread Forward

Imagine you're in your school math class after staying up late doing homework, and the teacher calls on you to explain something complicated on the board.

Ah, there's that palm sweat everyone who's been through this is painfully familiar with.

As if woken abruptly from a dream — which, let's face it, might've been the case — you look up sheepishly at the teacher, then around at everyone else staring back at you. You squint desperately at the equation on the board, but it might as well be in some language you don't know. Maybe you try to answer it and make no sense or just sink in your seat and say, "I don't know." Either way, aside from feeling like a zombie, you're also probably left feeling pretty embarrassed.

It might sound funny in hindsight, but these effects of sleep deprivation are seen all too often in schools all over the world.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, 31% of kids aged 6 to 11 in America get eight hours of sleep or less on a weeknight. The recommended amount for their demographic is at least 9 hours. And the stats only get more troubling as kids get older. According to a study at San Diego State, 40% of teens actually get seven hours of sleep a night or less, and that percentage has risen dramatically in the last 10 years.

Obviously, regular sleep deprivation can negatively affect the body and mind of an adult, but it can be detrimental to a young person.

stress, studies, children, education, environment

A lack of sleep can cause an inability to regulate mood and emotions.

Photo by Henrikke Due on Unsplash

That goes double for a young person from a low-income household. Just ask Reut Gruber, associate professor of psychiatry at McGill University in Montreal, Canada. Apart from being an expert in the genetics of sleep, she's a member of the World Sleep Society and focuses on how sleep deprivation impacts children's day-to-day lives.

Just like adults, children’s ability to get through the day is compromised when they don't get enough sleep, but in order to understand why that happens, we have to look at how the brain works.

"There are several parts of the brain that are dependent on sleep to finish their business," Gruber explains. "One part of the brain that's key is the prefrontal cortex. It's kind of like the engine, the machine that underlies executive function."

Everything we do throughout our day — planning, ignoring distractions, making decisions, setting goals, etc. — rely on the prefrontal cortex working efficiently. Unfortunately that's also one of the areas of the brain that's most sensitive to sleep deprivation.

When the prefrontal cortex is compromised by a lack of sleep, all the functions it oversees are affected. This includes our ability to regulate mood and emotions.

You know how moody you get when you're running on less sleep? Imagine that feeling as a kid exacerbated by school assignments, teachers, and your classmates pushing your buttons.

Now imagine you return home after a day of feeling sleep deprived to a cramped house where there's no structure and four kids sleeping in one room. Perhaps you live in a neighborhood where every few hours you're awoken by what might be gunshots outside. According to Gruber, these scenarios are all too common.

Can you see a vicious cycle developing?

While research on the relationship between socioeconomic status and sleep deprivation is limited, there have been studies that have found a correlation between children from lower-income households and more disrupted sleep. It makes sense when you consider the scenario above — if life at home is stressed by a lack of money, food, or safety, it's not surprising sleep patterns would be disrupted.

And when sleep deprivation is the norm for kids, they get used to functioning at lower levels, which in turn may affect their academic success and ability to regulate their emotions.

poverty, community, education, sleep deprivation

Stress at home can disrupt sleeping patterns.

Photo via Pixabay.

Gruber says a good way to do this is set a hard stop for kids in terms of evening work/play/social media time. Once their sleep time comes around, encourage them to put it all away, literally and metaphorically. It might be hard at first, but the benefits will pay off tenfold.

"Make a commitment to making a change [to your child's sleep routine]," Gruber says. "Once you do it, you feel so good, you don't want to go back."

More

New mom takes photos of her napping baby in costumes to create adorable works of art

What happens when mom is a skilled photographer and baby is a heavy sleeper? Creativity at its cutest.

Image created from Burst

Mom is finding time to still be creative.

When Laura Izumikawa was pregnant with her daughter, Joey, her friends who had kids warned her life as she knew it would change once Joey was born.

In some ways, this was true. After Joey was born, Laura's stress levels rose, and her "me time" diminished significantly.


Parents know this is just par for the course — new motherhood comes with all sorts of worries and responsibilities. Often the only time moms have a moment to decompress is during those precious few hours of nap time.

While many take that time to catch a few more winks themselves, Laura decided to do something a little different.

Outside of her new mom life, Laura is a professional photographer who specializes in taking photos of couples, weddings, families, and kids. Secondarily, she was blessed with a daughter who's an incredibly heavy sleeper.


So she decided to put her photography skills and her daughter's sleeping skills together to create some adorable works of art to commemorate Joey's infancy and ultimately unwind from the stresses of new parenthood.

It started out as just a fun way to update her grandparents on how much Joey is growing. Then her friends asked her to put the photos on Instagram, and the rest as they say, is cute, hilarious history.

1. She's been a tourist on Hawaii.

2. And won a gold medal in her sleep.

So how does Laura do all this without waking her baby? Simple, she does the arm flinch test to make sure Joey's totally out, then, ever so carefully, starts to put props around her.

"The most important thing for me is not to disturb her sleep or make her feel uncomfortable at all," wrote Laura in an email.

She does pop music icons like:

3. The fierce Beyoncé.

4. Sia in her famous eye-hiding wig.

5. Slash from Guns and Roses.

And she does spot-on fictional characters, too.

6. Furiosa from "Mad Max: Fury Road."

7. The lost, but not forgotten Barb from "Stranger Things."

8. Leia from "Star Wars" with her dad.

9. "It's Wayne's World! Wayne's World! Party time! Excellent!"

10. The Princess Bride "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to ... (snores)."

11. "The hills are alive..."

At the end of the day, parenting can be exhausting. If you can find a way to smile or laugh through it, you're doing pretty great.

"I've found joy in slowing down and watching her grow," wrote Laura. "With these photos, playing with Joey, watching her slowly drift to sleep and dressing her up in hilarious outfits showed me that parenting can be fun and enjoyable."

It's all about finding a special way to bond, whether or not that includes props and wardrobe changes.

This article originally appeared on 09.14.16