Every couple has gotten the question at some point, especially from pesky parents and in-laws. It's a rite of passage when your relationship starts to become serious, and it only ramps up faster and faster after you get married: "When are you guys going to start having kids?"
Like many couples, Carrie Jansen and her husband Nic had heard this question a million different ways, a million different times.
The pressure really started to mount after the pair got married. While Carrie loves kids (she's an elementary school teacher, after all), she and Nic simply aren't interested in having kids of their own. Now or ever.
"It's not what I was meant for," explains Carrie in a Facebook message. "It's like, I love flowers, and everyone loves flowers. But that doesn't mean I want to grow my own. I'm perfectly happy admiring other people's gardens."
Carrie wanted to tell her family that they don't plan on having kids but knew if she did, they'd say something like, "Oh you'll change your mind one day!" and that pesky question would keep rearing its ugly head. So she decided to get creative.
Ah, yes, people who have chosen not to have kids absolutely love having their thoughtful decision immediately dismissed as silliness! Worse, there's the camp that insists they'll regret it one day, and begs the couple to reconsider.
Still, it's not an easy conversation to have with loved ones and relatives.
"We don't want kids, but if it’s Grandma asking, I won’t tell her straight up...because we don’t want to give her a heart attack," Carrie told Buzzfeed. "So usually, I’ll give her the general ‘We’ll see!’ or ‘Not this year!’”
Dressed to the nines on their wedding day. Photo via Carrie Jansen, used with permission.
Rather than continue to deflect the question over and over, Carrie decided that a clear and formal announcement made sense. But how to make the announcement was another matter. How could she and Nic strike the right tone? Serious, but not morose. Firm, but playful. Final, but optimistic.
But that's not to say that the couple wasn't planning on making any big changes. In fact, they were adding another mouth to feed to the family, and they decided to announce it with a series of maternity-style photos, revealing the twist:
The new addition was a puppy named Leelu, not a baby.
"My husband and I have been married 3 years and everyone is bugging us about having a baby. Close enough right?" she captioned the photos shared to Facebook and Imgur.
Look at my newborn baby... puppy. Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.
Her pictures went massively viral, with many of the commenters giving her props for hilariously addressing the dreaded "kids " question.
"If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Seriously. Have fun with each other. I had three kids early and it's all about them now," wrote one commenter.
"I wish people would just mind their business raising a kid ain't easy and cheap," wrote another.
"I got my husband a vasectomy for his birthday this year. Best gift ever," chimed in a third.
Carrie was overwhelmed and inspired by the viral response. "Having children is definitely a hot topic, and one that is evolving in this generation like so many other social issues," she says. "It's exciting to find others that feel the same way I do.”
The happy, child-free couple at the beach.Photo via Carrie Jensen/Imgur, used with permission.
Carrie is hardly alone in not wanting to have kids — in fact, a record number of women are choosing not to have kids today.
Pew Research recently concluded that 47% of adults 18-49 say they're "unlikely" to ever have children, a number that has grown steadily over the years. Statistica backs this claim up, finding that 46.9% of women aged 15-50 in the United States are childless. Despite the numbers, however, because we still live in a patriarchally-driven society, women regularly face the expectation that they should be mothers, and they often are judged if they decide not to be.
When you think about it, it's pretty baffling! Child-free people are not some fringe minority. They make up about half of all adults. It should be viewed as a completely normal choice that requires no explanation or, yes, even funny gimmick announcements.
Whether you want to have one kid, five kids, no kids, or a puppy, the choice should be yours and no one else's.
There are a lot of reasons couples might choose not to have children. It could come down to the cost, the stress, the loss of freedom — or simply because they don't want to.
What's especially great about Nic and Carrie's viral post is that it went on to inspire other couples to do the same: Make cheeky announcements about puppies, their decision to go child-free, or even their vasectomies!
No one else has the right to put pressure on you to change your body and life in a drastic way. Thankfully, because of women like Carrie — and partners like Nic — who aren't afraid to bring the subject out in the open, the expectations are slowly but surely changing.
This article originally appeared nine years ago.
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