She has the perfect question to ask once your partner gets defensive.
Therapist Lauren Consul has one trick to stop arguments before they begin.
Arguments start to take off when one partner begins to get defensive. So, therapist Lauren Consul shared her relationship-saving tip to "stop an argument in its tracks" when one partner goes into self-preservation mode.
Lauren Consul is a couples and sex therapist who’s developed a following of nearly 160,000 people on TikTok and has received over 5.4 million likes. She is an infidelity expert and hosts retreats to help people "survive and thrive" after one partner has strayed.
"The next time you and your partner are talking, and your partner becomes defensive, I want you to do this: Pause, and say, 'I want to understand what happened there. What did you hear me say?'" Consul says in her TikTok video with over 42,000 views.
"This question is key because it does one of two things," she continued. "First, it can allow for clarification. A lot of times when we've become defensive, we've interpreted something our partner has said incorrectly. We've run it through a filter, we've told ourselves a story about it, it's triggered something... So we're not actually hearing what our partner says, and it allows for clarification."
@laurenconsul #communicationtools #communicationtools #defensiveness #couplesargument #learnontiktok #cyclebreaker #couplestherapist #relationshiptherapist #marriagecounseling #mytherapistsays #therapytol #tiktoktherapist
"The second thing: If your partner did interpret what you said correctly, it gives you an opportunity to slow things down and understand what is happening for them and address the underlying issue, rather than get caught in a spiral of defensiveness," she continued.
Consul's advice for stopping arguments before they explode is helpful because it clears up any potential misunderstandings. The key is to remember the tactic in the heat of the moment to prevent things from getting out of hand.
"Hi, how do I toast!"
Babysitting grandpa has the internet in stitches.
Good grandparents really are an important asset to young families just starting out. They can show you the ropes of parenthood, help entertain their grandkids, and probably most importantly, they know when you need a break because you're their baby and they can always tell when something's up with their child.
But sometimes, grandparents can be a little...uh...needy, even when they're the best grandparents in every other aspect. Technology has changed so much over the decades since they were raising children, and sometimes they need a little extra help with things that might seem simple. Soon-to-be mom of two, Molly Madfis, took to TikTok to share what happened when her 75-year-old dad, John, was babysitting her 5-year-old, Arlo, for a few days while she was on a "babymoon" with her husband.
In the viral TikTok, Madfis is seen with her husband with a text overlay that reads, "how to have a relaxing babymoon—don't ask your dad to babysit." Before you think Madfis is being mean to her sweet dad, you can clearly see through the text exchange that they love each other very much and her post seems to be in good fun.
"Arlo worships my dad, but I was a little nervous about leaving them alone together. My dad is pretty co-dependent—like, he’ll go to CVS and then call me eight times with different questions,” Madfis told Today.com.
The text exchanges that Madfis shared are pretty adorable, though I'm sure receiving them while you're trying to relax may have taken the cute factor down a notch. But let's be completely honest—do we think a nervous mom would've relaxed had grandpa not been sending random texts that let you know things are still going well? Probably not.
In the short clip, you see the door cam video that shows John, whom Arlo lovingly calls "Poppy," leaving to take the little guy to school without his backpack...and 30 minutes late. Then comes the text, "Hi, how do you toast," which John sent along with a picture of the options shown on the machine. Clearly, or at least clearly to his daughter and viewers, there was a picture of a piece of bread indicating the toasting option. When Madfis explained where the bread icon was located, there was still confusion, but he made it work.
"The one that looks like pizza worked," the grandpa replied.
@almostmakesperfect never again #fyp
The texts continue to get more comical as they go on. At one point, he asked if he should refrigerate the leftover pizza, complete with a photo of a half-empty pizza box. But the kicker was when Madfis asked for a picture of her child. John's response was a classic dad move: "Why? You already know what he looks like."
The comment section was filled with people relating and laughing at the video.
"I asked my FIL [father-in-law] for a pic of my baby so he sent me the pic that I sent him of her last week," one mom commented.
"Love how he didn't mind sending you pictures of the toaster and pizza but was confused on why you wanted one of the kid," another person wrote, complete with a crying laughing emoji.
Others commented that the little boy probably had the best week of his life with his Poppy. Listen, even people who take their kids to school every day forget backpacks sometimes, so we can cut grandpa some slack there. As for the rest of it—keep being you, Poppy. Memories are certainly being made.
Creating moments like these is why she opened her store in the first place.
Elyse Monroe found the perfect dress, then found out it costs nothing.
Adolescence is a harrowing time for body image and self-esteem all around, but few milestones are as universally daunting as finding a prom dress. Whether it’s due to budget constraints, not being able to find a dress that fits, or both, what should be a fun event is often viscerally dreaded.
This was certainly the case for Summer Lucille. Lucille told Today.com that growing up, “if you weren’t skinny, there weren’t many options, and it was devastating for me because I’ve always loved fashion.”
She recalled, “I went to my prom looking like a church lady in a suit dress with a jacket because it was the only thing that fit. It was a very sad period in my life.”
Wanting to ensure a more positive experience for others, Lucille opened up her plus-size-only dress shop, Juicy Body Goddess, in 2016. The boutique, based in North Carolina, features mostly Lucille’s own designs of formal dresses up to a size 6X.
Juicy Body Goddess really started gaining traction when Lucille set up a TikTok account sharing truly joyful interactions with customers as they try on different styles.
Besides having an eye for fashion, Lucille is a masterful hype woman, making others feel beautiful with her enthusiastic, heartfelt praises. She clearly loves what she does. Here's one of many, many examples:
@juicybodygoddess I had to get her number so she can model🤩 #plussizefashion#plussizeboutique#birthday#plussizetiktok#juicybodygoddess♬ original sound - JuicyBodyGoddess
Juicy Goddess’s TikTok presence is how 18-year-old Elyse Monroe found out about the store. Monroe and her family drove nearly six hours for a consultation, determined to find the perfect dress.
Lucille shared with People that Monroe was initially “nervous and shy,” but after trying on a sparkly, form-fitting purple gown, everything changed.
"When she got into that purple dress, she lit up," Lucille told People.
There was still a budget problem, however. Monroe’s family could only afford to pay $400. The dress was $700.
Thankfully, Lucille had one more surprise up her sleeve.
A now viral TikTok video shows the Monroe family approach the register, asking how much the dress would cost.
Lucille can be heard saying, “This dress is $700…but it’s free.”
Yeah, as you can probably expect, this leaves the teen and her family a bit emotional. Watch below:
@juicybodygoddess I didn't cry until I did edit #plussize#plussizetiktok#juicybodygoddess#plussizefashion♬ original sound - JuicyBodyGoddess
The video has had an overwhelming number of responses. Many commiserated with their own painful prom memories and applauded Lucille for her generosity. Some were even inspired to perform their own act of kindness by donating. Lucille told People that since posting the video, there has been $12,000 worth of gift card purchases. Yowza.
This is such an amazing example of what can happen when we celebrate uniqueness, spread generosity, and prioritize making everyone feel worthy of praise.
If you’d like to purchase a gift card from Juicy Body Goddess, click here. Or, if you wanna just follow along on some gorgeous fittings, you can find the Juicy Body Goddess TikTok here.The video isn't just funny, it's pretty darn accurate.
Woman recreates "Inside Out" from a neurodivergent standpoint.
Remember the hit Pixar movie "Inside Out"? If not, it's a cartoon where emotions are personified so you can sort of see what each emotion is thinking. It's a really sweet, funny and surprisingly emotional movie. But a woman who goes by Georgia on YouTube took that concept and decided to recreate it using different types of neurodivergent diagnoses and features.
In the video, Georgia plays all of the characters who all interact with each other as they work on controlling what the human they're inside does. The characters are "General Thoughts," "Dyslexia," "ADHD," "Sensory Issues," "OCD" and "Anxiety."
Georgia is attempting to make dinner, but it's a pretty intense process with all of these characters getting in the way, and while General Thoughts attempts to keep everyone on track...eh...it doesn't work out so well.
Watching how Anxiety and OCD feed into one another while ADHD drives just about everybody to the point of dysregulation is a pretty accurate portrayal of what it's like to have neurospicy tendencies. Commenters applauded Georgia on the accuracy and felt seen by the creative display of what it's like to live with neurodivergence.
"Omg I’m neurodivergent and I can’t describe how relatable this is both me and my mum are and we sat down and watched it together and I don’t think I’ve ever seen something more relatable xx thank you for doing things like this xx," Estella Sylvester wrote.
"As a person with anxiety, OCD, and PTSD this video made me tear up. The accurate acknowledgment of conditions that are so stigmatized or romanticized means an indescribable amount to me, especially coming from a creator I've followed since I was a kid. We're not defined by our conditions, but they follow us through every moment of every day, and that's okay. Thank you for this Georgia, we love you <3," Elle commented.
"I have autism and ADHD and my brain is literally like this... I always thought that no one would understand me. This video means everything to me and I'm so happy and relieved to know that I am not alone. Thank you and I love you Georgia," Tess Sexton wrote.
If you're neurodivergent, watch the video below to see how well Georgia portrayed neurodiversity. If you're not neurodivergent, check out the video to get the inside scoop on how neurodivergent brains work. You may find it fascinating.
The world is filled with moments of joy.
Have you ever wondered what happens in your brain when you're smiling?
The act of smiling releases molecules in your brain called neuropeptides, which help you fight off stress. Then come smaller neurotransmitters such as serotonin (which acts as an anti-depressant) and endorphins (which provide mild pain relief). These chemicals may just be tiny molecules floating around in your brain, but they make a big difference in how you feel.
At Upworthy, we're all about small things making a big difference. Whether it's the life-giving sound of a baby's laughter, the delight of a person dancing like no one's watching or the beauty of a random act of compssion, little doses of joy can go a long way toward creating the kind and peaceful world we all want to live in.
Hope this collection of small, happy things brings some big smiles to your faces!
There is nothing better than the sound of a baby laughing. It's just pure, unhindered joy.
@juicybodygoddess I didn't cry until I did edit #plussize #plussizetiktok #juicybodygoddess #plussizefashion
Summer Lucille opened her Juicy Body Goddess store precisely for moments like this. The way she hypes up her customers and helps them feel their own beauty is truly a joy to behold. See more of Lucille's stellar service and read the full story here.
Such confidence! Every kid deserves this kind of encouragement in their artistic expression.
Fred Meyer paid their lottery bonus forward to the community.
Not only that, but the corporate office also gave the store associates $10,000 to celebrate. Read the full story (including how the $754 million Powerball winner who bought the ticket saw a 'sign' that won her the jackpot) here.
The ultimate "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach to parenting. Most kids will draw on a wall at some point, and while parents do have to teach when and where it's okay to draw, there's no harm in showcasing their artistry in the process.
@kingkeraun Come get yall nephew ! 🙄
The voice-over comedy still hits. Way to go, Dad. Read the full story here.
@tinyann22 Moms can never get a minute of peace lol #momsoftiktok #momlife #ring #camera #kidsoftiktok
As a mom whose husband is a totally involved, hands-on parent who shares child-rearing equally, I can attest that this phenomenon is all too real no matter what. I have watched my children leave the kitchen where their father is cooking to come and ask me where to find something…in the kitchen. He's right. there. A follow-up to this video shows the dad on the ring doorbell, tablet in hand, with the kid still telling Mom the tablet isn't working. So darn funny.
Gulp. What a sweetheart. And what a lucky doggo.
Okay, Milton. That is too much. Read more about Milton's sneaky habits here.
Monkey's all, "Bring it in, buddy." Too sweet.
Feeling better with those soothing neurochemicals flooding your brain? If you'd like to get these serotonin-pumping posts delivered to your inbox each week, you can sign up for our free newsletter, The Upworthiest, here. Share the joy with someone who needs it and keep the feel-good molecules flowing!
Saint Patrick wasn't Irish and neither is corned beef.
Several St. Patrick's Day traditions didn't originally come from Ireland.
Shamrocks, leprechauns, corned beef and cabbage, pinches for those who forget to wear green—St. Patrick's Day is filled with traditions that have passed down from generation to generation. What began as a religious holiday in Ireland over 1,000 years ago to honor Saint Patrick, patron saint of Ireland, has morphed into a raucous celebration of all things Irish here across the pond.
Ironically, however, some of those traditions and "all things Irish" didn't actually come from Ireland—including Saint Patrick himself.
If you want to impress your friends with some interesting St. Patrick's day trivia, here's a handful of fun facts to put in your pocket.
Born in Britain in 386 A.D., St. Patrick was captured by pirates and brought to Ireland at age 16, where he was sold as a slave. For six years, he worked in the fields, tending sheep and praying. One night, he dreamt that God was directing him to a boat that would take him home, and in 408 A.D., he escaped Ireland. Then, after being ordained as a bishop in 432 A.D., the Pope sent him back to the Emerald Isle to spread Christianity.
"Patrick became inflamed with the desire to help alleviate the suffering of the Irish people who were burdened under the yoke of slavery, brutal tribal warfare and pagan idolatry," Matthew Paul Grote, a Catholic priest with the Order of Preachers, shared with USA Today. Saint Patrick incorporated pagan rituals into Christian worship practices to ease the resistance to Christianity. Even when he was attacked and captured by Irish clans, he would respond with non-violence and share his Catholic faith peacefully, always treating non-Christians with fairness.
He is credited with the spread of Christianity in Ireland, but he himself wasn't Irish.
Legend has it that St. Patrick was fasting for 40 days on a hilltop when he was attacked by snakes. With a sermon and a wave of his staff, he drove all the snakes in Ireland out to the sea where they all drowned, which is why, according to the lore, there are no snakes in Ireland.
Except there were never any snakes in Ireland, according to the fossil record. The cool climate and being part of an island make Ireland uninhabitable for snakes. Scholars today generally view the snake story as a metaphor for driving paganism out of Ireland.
Parades filled with floats, pubs filled with festivity, parties filled with frivolity—all of that fun, celebratory St. Patrick's day revelry is fairly new. For the vast majority of the holiday's history in Ireland, it was a somber, quiet religious holy day spent in prayer. It wasn't until Irish immigrants to America began celebrating their Irish pride in the 1700s with parades and such that the holiday became more of a festive occasion.
According to History.com, the invention of the television let Irish people see how the U.S. celebrated the holiday, which led to the party atmosphere making its way to Ireland.
St. Patrick's Day is all about green green green, from the shamrock shakes to the leprechaun coats to the Irish flag. But the color Saint Patrick himself was actually associated with is blue. The earliest depictions of the patron saint of Ireland show him in blue garments, and according to The Smithsonian, when George III created the Order of St. Patrick, a new order of chivalry for the Kingdom of Ireland, its official color was known as "St. Patrick's Blue."
Green is more of a political color than a religious one, as it became the color of Irish nationalism in 1789 with a series of rebellions against the UK. And really, green makes the most sense as a symbol for a place known as The Emerald Isle. The shamrock helps, too. (Another fun fact: The green, white and orange flag of Ireland was officially adopted in 1937 and points directly to the contemporary history between the Catholic and Protestant branches of Christianity in the country.)
For many Americans, a St. Patrick's Day meal simply must include corned beef and cabbage. Traditional Irish fare, right? Nope.
Though the Irish produced some of the world's most sought-after corned beef in the mid-1600s, they didn't eat it themselves. Due to England's oppressive laws, Irish people couldn't afford beef, and when they could afford meat, they ate salted pork or bacon. (The reason they produced corned beef was due to some complicated history with the UK and cattle shipping restrictions.)
Two centuries later, Irish immigrants who had a bit more money started buying kosher beef from their Jewish immigrant neighbors in America. According to The Smithsonian, what we consider Irish corned beef today was really Jewish corned beef tossed into a stew with some cabbage and potatoes—truly an example of the American immigration "melting pot."
In Ireland today, you'd most likely be served lamb or beef stew for a St. Patrick's Day feast. (However, much like our St. Paddy's Day revelry, the American tradition of corned beef has slowly made its way into Ireland's celebrations as well.)
It's a wee bit funny to dive into the history of St. Patrick's Day and find that many of the things we typically think of as old Irish traditions are neither particularly old (compared to Saint Patrick himself) nor purely Irish. That's not to say these traditions are not worth celebrating; Irish Americans have their own storied history in the U.S., after all, and who doesn't love a dyed green river or a green-themed parade with lucky shamrocks and leprechauns?
No matter how you celebrate, have a very Happy St. Patrick's Day! Or as they say in Irish Gaelic, "Beannachtaí na Féile Padraig ort!" (Watch how to pronounce it below.)
