They've been right here all along.
In an interview with the Christian Post, "Duck Dynasty" star Si Robertson made a pretty odd claim: Atheists are not real.
"I don't believe there's a such thing as an atheist," Robertson said. "Because there's too much documentation. Our calendars are based on Jesus Christ."
Now, I myself am not an atheist. But I definitely believe they exist. I'm even pretty sure I've met a few here and there. So I did what any researcher worth his salt would do: spent five minutes Googling. And turns out, atheists are real after all!
Not only do they exist, some of them are pretty famous.
1. Sir Richard Branson
Not only does the Virgin CEO not believe in God, he doesn't believe in God despite miraculously surviving a balloon crash in 1987. That is hardcore committed atheism.
"I would love to believe. I think it's very comforting to believe," he said in a 2011 interview with CNN. "If somebody could convince me that there is a God, it'd be wonderful."
One of the great features of religion is that it teaches people to help those less fortunate, but not believing in God doesn't prevent Branson from using his massive personal wealth for good. His Virgin Management Group offers one of the most extensive parental leave policies. Branson has also pledged to give half his ludicrously huge fortune to charity.
2. Julianne Moore
The mega-acclaimed actor has appeared in over 60 films, including "Far From Heaven," "The Hours," and "Boogie Nights." She has been nominated for five Academy Awards, and she scored her first win in 2015 for "Still Alice." All while not believing in God even a little bit.
3. Keira Knightley
The veteran movie star told The Sun that she was an atheist way back in 2012. Then, as if to attempt to prove there is no God, she went on to not appear in "Pirates of the Caribbean 4." We missed you, Keira!
4. Billy Joel
Despite the conviction of many Long Islanders that songs like "New York State of Mind," and "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" must have been divinely inspired, Billy Joel is most def an atheist. And just try going to Massapequa and claiming that Billy Joel doesn't actually exist. It ... will almost definitely not end well for you.
5. James Cameron
A 2010 biography of the auteur behind "Avatar," "Terminator," and "Titanic" reveals that Cameron used to consider himself agnostic, but he flipped over to atheism once he started truly being honest with himself. And who could blame the guy? It's pretty much impossible to listen to "My Heart Will Go On" roughly 20,000 times — as Cameron must have in 1997 — and still believe in a benevolent god.
6. Kathy Griffin
Not only is the comedian and former "D-List" star an atheist, she is, in her own words, a "complete militant atheist." Which is just slightly more atheist than a "totally not kidding atheist," and slightly less atheist than a "double dutch dog atheist times infinity." Either way, though, Griffin is obviously really really super atheist.
7. Stephen Hawking
One of the most brilliant minds on planet Earth thinks God is great. As a metaphor for scientific discovery. But beyond that ... nah.
"What I meant by 'we would know the mind of God' is we would know everything that God would know, if there were a God, which there isn't. I'm an atheist," Hawking said in an 2014 interview with El Mundo.
Understandably, they left that quote out of "The Theory of Everything."
Religion is super cool and there's absolutely zero wrong with being totally into your religion of choice.
And even if really amazingly brilliant people like Hawking believe there is no God, atheism is just a belief, like any other belief. It deserves equal skepticism.
But atheism also deserves equal respect.
Which begins with, like, believing it's a real thing.
Atheism: It totally exists.
Sorry, Si. You'll get 'em next time.