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4 steps to dealing with loss, plus why you need to grieve before you can 'move on.'

Ignoring grief tears at the fabric of being human, and disallows one of the most crucial experiences that must occur in the wake of our loss.

I remember sitting with a friend who had been betrayed by her husband. After repeatedly cheating on her, he had abandoned her, and she felt helpless and alone for a long time.

During our conversation, it became increasingly clear to me that my friend was frustrated.

But she wasn’t frustrated because of what her ex-husband had done. Instead, she was frustrated because she was not fully healed emotionally, but felt that she should be healed by now.


“It was a few years ago," she said. "I feel like I should be over this by now.”

I immediately stopped her. She was still in intense pain, but not because she had grieved this loss for too long. No, she was still in pain because she hadn’t allowed herself to grieve at all.

One of the most damaging narratives we're fed is that grieving should only be done under strict controls.

Funerals are one of the few places we're "allowed" to grieve. Photo via iStock.

We’re sometimes told — either implicitly or explicitly — that it’s not appropriate to make a fuss, that grieving should be done in private, and perhaps, worst of all, that grief has an expiration date.

Society’s message is often incredibly clear: Grief is uncomfortable for others, so stay away and grieve alone. Grieving is a problem, so we’re going to put a gag order on it. If you need to grieve, fine, but it must not interfere with conventional norms.

But I want to set the record straight: This mindset can be incredibly destructive. Ignoring grief tears at the fabric of being human and disallows one of the most crucial experiences that must occur in the wake of our loss.

What so many of us fail to understand is that grief is a perfectly natural response to loss.

Although grief is generally associated with the death of a loved one, it can occur in response to any loss. If you’ve ever had a relationship fall apart, suffered a debilitating injury, faced financial calamity, or even had to deal with the consequences of having to let go of a dream, you’ve experienced grief.

Grief is an expression of the love that’s borne of our pain. Yet because it’s viewed as an unpleasant, irritating aberration, millions of people feel as if they do not have permission to grieve. This narrative plays out all the time, both privately and publicly.

For example, if anyone has ever told you to “move on” from a devastating injury or to “get over” a failed relationship, or they suggested that you should be thankful for the loss of a loved one because it was meant to “teach” you something, you’ve been subjected to this kind of shaming.

But telling grieving people to “get over” or “let go” of their losses can cause them to do the exact opposite of what these words intend. Instead of finding any sense of solace or hope in the most difficult period of their lives, they bury their grief in layer upon layer of shame and fear. The more they try to buck up or pretend as if their pain doesn’t exist, the more they fall into hopelessness and despair.

The reality is there is no one right way to grieve.

Photo via iStock.

Anyone who tells you otherwise simply doesn’t know what they’re talking about. In fact, when you’ve suffered a loss, the single most important thing you can do if you want to find new life amid tragedy is to grieve the way you need to, and grieve fully, in whatever form that takes.

While there is no prescriptive way to grieve, it’s such a taboo topic that most of us don’t even know where to begin. In my experience, it helps to start with the following:

1. Truly acknowledge that you are, in fact, grieving.

This is usually very difficult to come to terms with because allowing yourself to grieve demands that you be vulnerable — not just with others, but with yourself. You must be willing to look yourself in the mirror and resist the temptation to bury the pain that resides within you.

Psychological research has shown that those who repress their grief are more likely to succumb to depression, sleep disorders, and other adverse effects in the aftermath of grief than those who don’t. As scary as it can be to allow yourself to experience grief, the reality is that it can actually prevent complications down the line.

2. Reach out to someone who’s willing to stand with you and listen without judgment.

Photo via iStock.

Most clinicians, including researchers at The Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia University, stress the importance of finding support amid grief. In fact, it’s often cited as the most important step you can take when grief has consumed you.

3. Understand that you, and only you, can truly define what “getting better” might look like.

After all, when you’ve suffered a tremendous loss, you don’t ever really return to “normal.” You can’t get a loved one back or “cure” an incurable illness. The task is not to “heal” as defined by other people, but to build a new life for yourself in light of what you have lost.

4. Don’t hesitate to seek out support from a licensed therapist or in a support group.

Note that I said support, not help. In the early phases of grief, “help” is too often tied to the notion of being “repaired.” You don’t need to be repaired as you learn to grieve. You need to be supported, and that comes when you find a person or community of people who are willing to accept you, just as you are, and bear witness to your pain.

Grief is not a linear process.

Grief is a lonely, aching, complicated journey with many winding roads. Remember that although only you can experience your grief in your own way, you’re not alone in that experience. Right now, at this very moment, millions of other people are grieving tremendous losses alongside you. Recognizing this won’t make everything better, but it can serve as a source of refuge as you navigate your losses.

Some years ago, a close friend of mine committed suicide. As I grieved this terrible loss, I distinctly remember one person telling me to "get over it" just a month after my friend’s death. This left me humiliated and angry. My first inclination was to hide my grief, but it didn’t take me long to realize that I could also choose to ignore this person’s terrible advice. The loss of my friend should never have happened, and I needed to experience my grief on my own.

Your losses should never have happened either.

The fact that you’re faced with tragedy is itself painful enough. How you honor what you have lost is something that you — and only you — can enact.

Sandra visiting E’s family in Georgia (2023)

True
Levi Strauss Foundation

Sandra McAnany isn’t one to sit on the sidelines. A 58-year-old grandmother from Wisconsin, McAnany spends her days teaching soft skills classes to adults and spending time with her family. Outside the classroom, however, she’s taken on a role that’s helping people in a big way: serving as a humanitarian parole sponsor and personally taking on the financial responsibility of supporting families fleeing from persecution, violence, and instability.

Since 2023, McAnany has welcomed 17 migrants—11 adults and six children through the CHNV humanitarian parole program, which allows individuals and families from Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua and Venezuela to live and work temporarily in the United States with the support of an approved sponsor.

“Everyone has their own views and perspectives, but every person I sponsored is thriving and doing well here,” McAnany said.

McAnany didn’t know any of the parolees before sponsoring them, but she had a commitment to helping families from Venezuela specifically, hoping to reunite them with their families who were already living in the United States. After “praying a lot along the way” and communicating with the applicants through WhatsApp, she decided to apply as a sponsor and help them settle into the United States.

“I have a bedroom and a bathroom in my basement,” McAnany says. “My door is open and will always be open for any of the people I sponsored, if they ever have a need for housing.”

Sandra’s granddaughter, E’s daughter, and another friend at an indoor park (July 2025)

At the time, McAnany decided to volunteer as a sponsor to make friends and help other people through hardship. Now, her mission has grown: Seeing how humanitarian parole programs have changed her parole beneficiaries’ lives—as well as her own—for the better.

Humanitarian parole: A long history

Humanitarian parole programs are nothing new. Since 1952, both Democratic and Republican administrations have used humanitarian parole to provide a safer, lawful pathway for noncitizens to enter and live temporarily in the United States. In recent years, through different programs, people from Afghanistan, Ukraine, Cuba, Haiti, and other countries have been able to come to the U.S. to escape urgent crises in their own countries, such as political instability or war.

Coming to the United States through humanitarian parole is no easy feat. The process has its own strict criteria and involves extensive applications and vetting for both beneficiaries and their sponsors. Parolees don’t need to qualify for any other immigration benefit like asylum, but they need to meet the standard for humanitarian parole and successfully pass vetting requirements.

According to Refugees International, 532,000 people have been granted parole through the CHNV program.

A life-changing experience

From the moment she met her first parole beneficiaries at the airport—two families —McAnany already knew it would be a life-changing experience. “It immediately felt like family, like we were lifelong friends,” she said. But she could also sense that it was a culture shock for the parolees. On the way home from the airport, McAnany pulled into a nearby McDonald's and encouraged them to order dinner. Hearing the word “Big Mac,” the families smiled in recognition.

Despite the culture shock, McAnany’s parole beneficiaries had to adapt quickly to life in the United States. Once they were settled, McAnany worked “nonstop” to help the families acclimate to their new lives, answering questions about school and vaccinations while also helping them create resumes, search for jobs, and find English classes online.

It was through this process that McAnany realized just how resilient people could be, and was amazed “not only how hard it was for individuals to leave their loved ones behind, but the amount of work they did to come to the country and remain here.” McAnany also realized how fortunate she was to have her own family living nearby. “I can’t imagine any one of us leaving a country and being apart for an unknown length of time,” she said.

Eventually, and as circumstances changed—one of the parolees found a new job in another city, for example, and was able to move out. But no matter the length of time they spent with each other, McAnany says that with every parolee they formed a bond built for life. One woman, who she refers to as ‘E,’ has even become “like an adopted daughter.” McAnany has traveled to Georgia, where E now lives, three times to visit her.

Uncertain ground: What’s next for humanitarian parole programs

Despite being a critical part of immigration policy in the United States for the last 73 years, humanitarian parole programs are under threat. Immigrant justice nonprofits Justice Action Center and Human Rights First are currently suing the federal government to protect humanitarian parole programs and allow parole beneficiaries to remain in the country for the duration of their parole. McAnany is a plaintiff in the lawsuit.

One of the ladies Sandra sponsored from Venezuela and her partner during Sandra’s first visit to meet her (December 2023)

Participating in the lawsuit has only further bolstered McAnany’s belief in and support for humanitarian parole programs. She hopes the lawsuit will be successful, she says, so that parole beneficiaries and their families can finally have some stability.

“We don’t know what the future is,” she says, “but I want to be optimistic and hopeful that every person I sponsored will be able to stay here safely in the U.S. and continue to thrive.”

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.


A dad got a sweet note from a fellow father after camping with his kids.

There are a lot of challenging things about being a parent; take your pick. The sleep deprivation, the overwhelming responsibility, the lack of free time. But truly, one of the hardest parts of being a parent is never being sure whether you're doing a good job or totally bombing it. If you're conscientious enough to even wonder if you're a good parent, you probably are, but parenting entails a million little choices and interactions, and there's always a lingering voice in your head saying, "What if you're really screwing this whole thing up?"

Reassurance and encouragement are always appreciated by parents, but not always received, which is why a note from one camping dad to another has people celebrating the kindness of anonymous strangers.

"You are killing it as a dad."

Someone on Yosemite Reddit thread shared a photo of a handwritten note with the caption, "To the man who left this thoughtful note on my windshield at Lower Pines Campground this weekend, I extend my heartfelt gratitude; your acknowledgment of my efforts to be a good father means a great deal to me."

The note reads:

"Bro,

I camped in the spot behind you last night. Let me just say, you are killing it as a dad. First off, I watched your wife guide you in as you backed up your trailer and nailed it on the first try without any yelling. Then your kids unloaded from the truck and were mild-mannered and well behaved. You told stories around the campfire and I had the pleasure of listening to the sounds of giggles and laughter.

From one dad to another, you are killing it. Keep it up.

P.S. Whatever you cooked for dinner smelled delicious!"

How often do we share these thoughts with strangers, even if we have them? And who wouldn't love to get a surprise bit of praise with specific examples of things we did right?

Everyone needs to hear a compliment once in a while.

dads, giving men compliments, fatherhood, camping, camping with kids A handwritten note with the words "good job!" on itPhoto credit: Canva

So many people found the note to be a breath of fresh air and a good reminder to compliment people when we feel the urge:

"That would make any daddy's eyes water."

"It’s always nice, as a guy, to get a compliment."

"I complimented a guy's glasses at work (I'm also a guy, and btw they were really cool glasses, I wasn't just being nice) and now he keeps trying to tell me where he got his glasses and how I should get some. But I'm just having to be polite because I already have glasses and I'm not in the market. I finally had to tell him I'm not going to buy them lmao I just like them on him.

Made me feel like that's the first compliment he's had in years because he can't stop talking about it. Also I mainly liked the glasses because I think he's cute but he really thinks it's just the glasses haha jokes on him that cute bastard.""I was in the store with my wife and one of our 'adopted nephews' yesterday (we’re close friends with his parents and we’ve known him and his brother since they were newborns and 2yo, respectively). A woman came up to me at checkout while my wife was running out to the car and said 'I’m not sure what your family relationship is here, but I just have to tell you how nice and refreshing it is to hear all the laughter and joy from the 3 of you. You both seem like such a good influence on him and it warms my heart.' It’s such a small thing but as a dude, I can’t remember the last time someone gave me a compliment in public and it made my freaking day."

"10/10 letter. The and not yelling part gave me a good chuckle lol."

"We need so much more of men getting such heartfelt and sincere compliments. Thanks for sharing. ❤️"

dads, giving men compliments, fatherhood, camping, camping with kids A man smilingPhoto credit: Canva

"I’ve never considered leaving a note, but when I see a harmonious family with good parenting, it’s healing for me. My childhood was awful."

"Such an awesome compliment! Even though I don't have children myself, I like to remind my friends too that they're doing great & it brings them happy tears."

"This made me cry. I love that you are getting your 'flowers.' My dad sucked, I’m so glad you are one of the good ones."

"This made me cry too. It’s so hard to be a human. Let alone a parent. Getting a good job sticker every now and then really means a lot these days."

"I'm a big bearded guy and I would cry if I got this note. More people like this, please."

The best part of this story is that no one knows who the dad who wrote the note is, not even the dad who shared it. It wasn't written for clout or notoriety, it wasn't to get attention or make himself look good. No name or signature, just an anonymous act of kindness to uplift a stranger whether he needed it or not.

dads, giving men compliments, fatherhood, camping, camping with kids A dad with his kid on his shouldersPhoto credit: Canva

We all need to hear or read kind things said about us, and sometimes it means even more coming from an anonymous stranger who has nothing to gain by sharing. A good reminder to share it when you feel it—you never know how many people you may move and inspire.

This article originally appeared last year.

Courtesy of @weirdpaulp/TikTok

"Weird Paul" shares his senior yearbook from 1988.

In many ways, the 1980s were the best of times and the worst of times for those of us who lived through it. The freedom in having a free-range childhood and the sense of living in a slower, simpler time makes some Gen Xers nostalgic for that decade. The hideous fashion choices and ridonkulous hairstyles? Not so much.

A man who goes by Weird Paul on TikTok shared photos from his 1988 senior yearbook, highlighting the sky-high hairstyles that were "in" at the time, and you can practically smell the Aqua Net coming through the screen. The feathered sides. The bangs curled both up and under and the rest teased to the heavens. The Flock of Seagulls inspiration. The oh-so-mighty mullet.

If youngsters want to know what the 80s looked like, this is it, in all its unrivaled glory:

@weirdpaulp

look at this 80s hair in my 1988 high school yearbook! #80shair #80shairstyle #1980shair #genx #80smemories #hairtok #creatorsearchinsights


As a woman who came of age in this era, allow me to share how much time and effort these young ladies' hairstyles took to create. No joke about the Aqua Net—the amount of hairspray it took to make these styles stay in place is probably what created the hole in the ozone layer.

If you were unlucky enough to have straight hair that wouldn't stay curled no matter what you tried, there was simply no hope for you. You either had to get a perm (which I did), spend most of your precious free time curling and teasing and spraying your hair, or wait out the era looking like a total dweeb (straight hair was soooo 70s, and everything from the 70s was totally unhip in the 80s; might as well have been wearing orange and brown bell bottoms—the horror!).

What we don't see in these headshots are the clothing trends of the 80s—the pegged jeans, the legwarmers, the neon colors, the shoulder pads (OMG why???), the jelly shoes, the acid wash, and more. It's been hilarious to see what elements of 80s fashion have come back around and what has stayed relegated to the past.

80s, fashion, 1980s, trends, history 80S Dancing GIF Giphy

The revival of the fanny pack has been a delightfully practical surprise (we wouldn't have been caught dead with one in the late 90s). The high-waisted "mom jeans" coming into style felt super weird, but a lot of women seem to have appreciated it. Unfortunately, it appears the shoulder-padded "power suit" is trying to worm its way back into our lives (no, thank you), but we'll see if it sticks.

Thankfully, the 80s hairdos seem to have remained in the vault so far (with the exception of the mullet in some circles, which is frankly a bit baffling). It's hard to imagine ever wanting to put that much effort and product into our hair ever again, but who knows?

@fayequeenan

Replying to @Shaolynne1 sorry I don’t have aqua net or a perm🤭 my previous video was just my interpretation and not me saying this is how people actually styled their hair in the 80s #80shair #bangs #fringe

But just in case anyone gets any hair-brained ideas, let's walk through the process of creating a big 80s hairdo for someone with straight hair (yes, I'm bound and determined to keep 80s hair back in the 80s—there may or may not be some hair trauma involved here).

A young woman was trying to recreate an 80s 'do and struggling with it, so an elder who rocked that hair in her younger years, despite having long, straight hair, stepped in with a tutorial. If this doesn't put you off of wanting an 80s hair comeback, I don't know what will. The dirty hair. The teasing/backcombing/ratting/whatever you want to call it. The aerosol hairspray being shellacked with a hair dryer. It wasn't pleasant, it wasn't worth it, and it never will be.

@shamanisis

Hi @Rachel OCool I just had to share my secrets to big 80s hair for people with shiny, straight hair! Enjou! #stitch #80s #80shair #80shairtutorial #incomingstitch #humor #funny

For Halloween? Knock yourself out. But on behalf of myself and countless other Gen X youths who struggled through the big hair era, I'm begging y'all, do not bring it back. Some things belong in the past, and the glory of 80s hair is one of them.

Humor

A teacher asked 7th graders what 40-year-olds do for fun and their answers are merciless

Elder millennials are feeling attacked, but the kids aren't exactly wrong.

Canva Photos

7th grade students guessed what hobbies 40-year-olds have and the answers are hilarious.

Like it or not, kids will tell you what they really think. Their naive honesty is refreshing, hilarious, and at times, a little bit rough on the self-esteem of the adults around them. Regardless, they don't shy away from telling it like it is, or at least how they see it.

That's why 7th grade teacher Shane Frakes loves to frequently poll his students for their opinions on, well, almost anything.

Going by @7thgradechronicles on TikTok, Frakes regularly goes viral for his hilarious content and observations about his Gen Alpha students. But more than just building a platform and side hustle for his own gain, Frakes makes great use of his social media savvy to keep his kids energized and engaged in the daily lessons.

In a recent video, he asked his students to weigh in on this question: "What do you think people in their 40s do for fun?!"

40, 40 year olds, gen x, millennials, gen alpa, gen z, generations, generational differences, teacher, student, tiktok, humor Im Old Tv Shows GIF by PBS SoCal Giphy

The responses are not for the faint of heart. Here's the list the kids came up with:

  • Play Wordle
  • Watch TV in black and white
  • Go gamble!
  • Spoiling all [their] grandchildren or nieces and nephews
  • Play Pickleball! A sport that doesn't move as much
  • Count coupons
  • Go on Facebook
  • Go and buy home decor
  • Grill food on Sundays
  • Saying No to everything I ask for
  • Bingo
  • Take their medicine
  • Knitting
  • Play golf
  • Sitting in a chair on the patio yelling, "Get off my lawn!"
I'm sorry, did we say 40s or 80s? Playing with our grandkids? Bingo?! KNITTING?!

Watch the whole video for a few fun easter eggs and unfortunate illustrations:

@7thgradechronicles

Back In My Day 😆🥲 #teachersoftiktok #teacher #teachertok #middleschool #middleschoolteacher

Commenters in their 40s wanted to be offended, but had to admit that the kids had them pegged.

"Home goods is accurate," one wrote.

"I needed this laugh right before bed and I see no wrong answers," a commenter said.

"40 and I scored fairly high on this," said another.

"The accuracy. I feel attacked," added another user.

"These are more accurate than I would've guessed," another summed up perfectly.

Millennials have been called the Peter Pan generation because of their apparent delays in "growing up."

They look younger, seem younger, and even feel younger than a lot of their predecessors. It's a well-documented phenomenon, in fact. Part of it has to do with cultural and societal factors that have delayed major life milestones. Millennials came of age in a time where earning high-pay in their careers, getting married, and buying a house were more difficult than they ever were for their parents. Many people in the "Peter Pan generation" are just beginning to really get on their feet in their 30s.

Millennials also hold a deep fear of aging, more so than Gen X does. That may drive them to cling to styles, cultural references, and other preferences from their younger days. But it's not weird, no. This blurring of the lines that define what a generation is has actually been pretty seamless.

"A millennial parent can post a TikTok dance with their kids, binge Stranger Things, or geek out over a Marvel premiere without feeling like they’re stepping out of their lane," says Stacy Jones, a pop culture expert and founder of Hollywood Branded. "Earlier generations were pigeonholed into what their generation was supposed to be. Millennials are defining that instead. That cross-generational cultural participation blurs what 'age' looks and feels like. And it doesn’t stop there - today’s 50-year-old doesn’t look or act like the 50-year-old of yesterday. Wellness, skincare, acceptance of Botox, fitness, and social media have redefined what 'middle age' even means, pushing the whole curve of youthfulness upward."

Jones definitely has a point about how people look; there must be something in the water. This is what a 40 year old looked like just a few decades ago. No offense to the great Kelsey Grammer, but by today's standard, the style and hair would have most people peg him to be in his (late) 50s.

40, 40 year olds, gen x, millennials, gen alpa, gen z, generations, generational differences, teacher, student, tiktok, humor Kelsey Grammer as Dr. Frasier Crane in 1996By US Treasury Dept. Public Domain

All the more reason that Mr. Frakes' students' list is absolutely hysterical. If there's anyone bound to be playfully offended by being prematurely aged, it's us millennials. But the fact of the matter is, whether we like it or not, we are getting older and settling down. Many of us truly do enjoy shopping for home decor and playing a round of low-impact pickleball.

What the kids don't understand is that we're still rocking the hottest music of 2001 and wearing our baseball cap backwards while we do it.

Photo Credit: Canva

A scammer on the computer. A senior citizen falls for it.

Scam artists have gotten more advanced when it comes to diabolically tricking people out of their money, especially senior citizens. And now with cryptocurrency, which is confusing to many and completely accessible online, there's an added layer of concern for the most vulnerable.

Which is why, more than ever, people need to be on the lookout for swindlers. Luckily, some really good folks are stepping up. On the subreddit r/scams, there are 1.6 million weekly visitors; time and time again, they help alert people to perpetual fraud.

One bank teller posted, "You all saved my customer today" and then told a heroic story about an elderly customer attempting to deposit a check.

"I had a customer come in today and he had a cheque that he wanted to deposit," the bank teller wrote. "Super normal, no red flags. He asked about how long the hold will be. Still, no red flags. Since we're in Canada and we celebrate Victoria Day, the banks are closed on Monday. So, his 5 business day hold will take us to May 21."

banks, bank teller, elderly, senior citizens, scams A bank teller dispenses money at a bank. www.flickr.com

Here's where things took a turn. "I told him that and he said he needs at least $9000 released right away," the bank teller added. "Now I'm even more curious and I asked why. He said he needs 10% to send to his crypto account so he can withdraw the $90,000 USD that his crypto account has generated."

Luckily, this bank teller's antenna went up. "Skeptical, I asked what account, how he opened it, the website—the whole ordeal," the bank teller wrote. "To my surprise, he told me. He clicked on a FACEBOOK AD and deposited a couple of $100 back a few months ago and now it's generated to $90,000 USD. But in order to get the $90,000—he needs to deposit $9,000."

"Yeah, no. I told him he's being scammed, grabbed my phone, and showed him the numerous crypto scams posted on reddit," the bank teller added. "I said his biggest blessing is losing a couple of $100 and not thousands."

There are over one hundred comments on this thread alone. One pointed out: "We all have a blind spot. In reality, most of us over fifty are hesitant to listen to our family members and neighbors. Stubborn. We think we are so smart, and gotta maintain that street cred. It took a nurse I had never met to get my attention about a health issue. It may take a bank employee to open my eyes about something like this. Thank you for diving into his problem."

This person noted how refreshing it was to see that the customer, who had truly gotten their hopes up, actually listened to the teller: "The biggest surprise here is that he actually listened and was willing to believe he'd been scammed. We see so many horror stories about people sticking their heads in the sand and refusing to accept reality, it's such a nice change of pace."

There are so many other stories that run the gamut of scams across every platform. One person told a harrowing story of their mother who got defrauded out of her entire retirement fund. The thread has over 500 comments of suggestions, as well as communal support.

@droidsavvy

Some have no idea about these 🫡

The good news is there are ways to combat these fraudsters. First, it's important to know what to look for.

The National Council on Aging (NCOA) recently posted the top five scams targeting seniors. These include "The Grandparent Scam," in which someone impersonates a grandchild asking for help, scams that appear to be loans from reputable banks, "tech support scams" (which I have personally fallen for), government scams asking for private information like Social Security numbers, and one of the most upsetting—the romance scam.

"As more people turn to online dating, con artists are seizing the opportunity," NCOA's Jessica Johnson wrote. "Romance scammers create fake social media profiles and use them to gain trust and steal money. In some cases, these scammers may be (or pretend to be) overseas. They may ask their victims to pay for visas, medical emergencies, and travel expenses to come to the U.S."

Johnson adds that as of two years ago, these scams have totaled well over one billion dollars in loss.

-Dr. Regina Koepp gives tips on scammers. www.youtube.com, Dr. Regina Koepp

As for what you can do? First, know—and let those in your life know—that if you get scammed, don't be embarrassed. Have consistent conversations about how clever these scammers have become and how common they are. Advise anyone who might be vulnerable to never give out important information to someone emailing or calling for it.

If it happens, contact local police, banks, and the Federal Trade Commission. Adult Protective Services also has resources on how to get started.

The FTC also posted these helpful tips:

  1. "Never transfer or send money to anyone, no matter who they say they are, in response to an unexpected call or message. Even if they say it’s to 'protect it.'"
  2. "Hang up and verify. Hang up the phone and call the company or agency directly using a phone number or website you know is real. Don’t trust what an unexpected caller says, and never use the phone number in a computer security pop-up or an unexpected text or email."
  3. "Block unwanted calls. Learn about your call blocking options to stop many of these scammers before they reach you."

The topic gained extra attention last year with the film Thelma, in which actress June Squibb plays a woman on a mission to recover her scammed money (her methods are not recommended, but the film, based loosely on a true story, is aces).

June Squibb stars in the movie Thlema. www.youtube.com, Magnolia Pictures

Joy

Annoyed Texas comedian reads his HOA fine notice like it was written by William Faulkner

"They say my trash can lingers too long at the curb, lording like a broke cousin who don't know when to go home."

via Jerry Wayne Longmire (used with permission) and Canva/Photos

Jerry Wayne Longmire holding up a letter form his HOA.

America has a complicated relationship with HOAs, or homeowners’ associations. Eighteen percent of Americans, including 27% of homeowners, live in a community with an HOA; however, most of them don’t like it. Sixty-one percent of Americans say they’d rather live in a community without an HOA, and only 14% would prefer to live in one.

HOAs help people in planned communities maintain shared spaces, keep noise levels down, manage amenities such as swimming pools, and try to keep home values up by ensuring everyone maintains their property. But, to some, this feels like an extra layer of authority on top of the existing levels of government, which feels a bit overbearing.

Jerry Wayne Longmire, a former contractor turned stand-up comedian who lives in East Texas, received a letter from his HOA and pushed back against their authority in the most elegant and uniquely southern way possible. He responded with a social media post, written in the style of southern Gothic writer William Faulkner. Longmire is best known for his series of videos on Truck Astrology and his podcast, The Reckon Yard. He's also an avid reader who has been a lifelong fan of Faulkner's.

- YouTube youtu.be

Longmire’s eloquent letter is also hilarious with great lines such as:

“They say my trash can lingers too long at the curb, lording like a broke cousin who don't know when to go home. They call it unsightly, but I reckon a plastic bin scarred by sun and wind is no uglier than the souls who wrote this letter with clipboards for hearts.”

“They say my shutters are the wrong color, turquoise. Though to me, they are a hymn to the gulf where the water once baptized my boyhood. They demand beige, the color of cowardice.”

Longmire also had the Internet in stitches with a video where he responds to a nearly $700 electric bill like Faulkner. This time, unlike the HOA video, he puts the blame squarely on himself for tempting the gods to sleep in comfort in August.

@jerrywaynelongmire

Electric bill in the south #comedy #faulkner #electricbill #heat #airconditioning #texas #electricitybill #electricity

“Now I recall a time not too long ago, when a man could just sleep with just a fan on. Box fan in the window, sheets damp with his own resolve. But then came August. August, that devil and cargo shorts. She comes with air so thick you can taste the mosquitoes before they bite you. And I, a weak and weary creature, I touched the thermostat, dropped her down to 71. The sin of comfort,” Langmire says with dead seriousness. “Now I'm shackled, betrayed, and bound by wattage and poor choices. And yet I will do it again, for I have known the chill and I will not go back.”

Longmire does a great job at pointing out the rubs of modern life in America. We want quiet streets and some modicum of order, but really resent it when the judging eye of the HOA lands on property. We also want to sleep in comfort, but have to deal with the fact that electricity bills are only going up. You can’t beat the electric company or the HOA, but as long as guys like Longmire are around, at least we can have a good laugh about them.