Look, you're about to hear some things that might be hard to hear. There's a chance you're even going to feel a little defensive. But that's OK. Relax. Try to be open-minded about a hairy topic. It'll be OK.
Denice Frohman: Hello. Are you a person of color looking to get a loan, a job, or avoid police harassment? Please call the 1-800 White Man Privilege Hotline now. Our roster of white men will come to your rescue in almost any situation.
Avoid redlining. We can cosign your mortgage, help you hail a cab downtown, and stop store managers from following you.
At job interviews, we can give you that special seal of approval. Our white man will vouch for your intelligence, and you won't even have to remove you dreadlocks. All right, Jamal?
And, girls, are your ideas ignored at work? Our white men will present them for you. We guarantee your boss will listen.
For black and Latino men we recommend our escort service. With Chad by your side, you'll never have to worry about stop-and-frisk again.
Please note: we cannot stop white people from touching your hair, calling 9-year-old black girls cunts, then calling you a reverse racist for pointing it out.
Please do not ask our white men about their privilege. They have no idea they have it.
Call the White Man Privilege Hotline now. Note: We only accept MasterCard.