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You Might Call Jacob A Man With Lipstick. Well, Jacob Is Not A Man. And I Respect That.

Whether or not you can fully understand what it means to be genderqueer, what matters is that for many people, this is who they are.This may be a very quick primer on what the word means, but it's also very important. I hope it will at least make you think about how we split people into "man" and "woman."

From a young age, we grow up learning that the world is divided into men and women. But it's not that simple.

When we think the world is full of people who identify as either a man or a woman, this means that we believe in the gender binary.

The truth is gender is not a binary for everyone. Some people identify as both man and woman. Some people identify as neither man nor woman. Jacob is one such example.

Jacob doesn't identify as man or woman. Jacob identifies as genderqueer.

Jacob's gender pronouns are they/their/them — which means that we should refer to them in this way, because that is their preference, rather than refer to them as "he" or "she." The pronoun "they" is just one of the many gender-neutral pronouns that exist.

Being genderqueer can mean different things for different people.

There is no one-size-fits-all experience. For Jacob, it can be as much about what you wear as how you feel inside. In a Huffington Post article, Jacob wrote:

    "As an undergraduate at Duke, I spent four years learning to love and appreciate myself as a gender non-conforming person. Going into college, I thought that my desire to dress androgynously and adopt a feminine gender expression was shameful; and for the first few months of college, I hid it from others and from myself. But after years of work unearthing internalized oppression and masculine shame, I finally learned to keep my head high as I stomped by the frat boys in my five-inch heels."

It's important to note that how you dress doesn't determine your gender identity. However, dressing up a certain way *can* be a way to express your gender identity.

Besides genderqueer, there are many different terms to describe gender identity.

Like transgender, gender non-conforming, non-binary, bigender, agender — just to name a few. Sometimes they are used interchangeably. Sometimes they are not. Gender is very complex, and so are the terms to describe it, which is why it's important to do our research before we assume what a person's gender identity means or before we make fun of the words they use to describe it.

Jacob hits the nail on the head by saying the following:

    "At the end of the day, if you want to understand the words, go on Wikipedia and read them. ... Go read the Internet, go read some trans blogs. Is someone genderqueer? Are they trans? You don't need to know by looking at someone because the bottom line is you should respect them and love them regardless, OK?"

Watch the video below to find out more about what it means to be genderqueer.

Family

Woman who traveled abroad for 2 weeks realizes why she can't marry an American man

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this."

via Canva/Photos

A woman holding back her laughter.

One of the biggest topics in parenting these days is the mental and physical drain that comes with being the default parent in a family. The default parent is the one who is first in line when it comes to taking responsibility for parenting duties, whether that means making doctor’s appointments, ensuring the homework is done, or making sure the child has enough socks to make it through the week.

Being the default parent can lead to fatigue and burnout, and the parent can experience incredible anxiety when their attention turns away from the household or family. The situation is even worse when the default parent’s partner only does the bare minimum. Unfortunately, in American society, fathers are often the parents who do just enough to get by and are praised for it.

The notion that men don’t have to pull their equal weight in American family life is so ingrained that when Emma Hughes, a travel nanny with over one year of experience in childcare and family support, visited Sweden for two weeks, she experienced extreme culture shock.


"I've been in Sweden now and I think I've been ruined for American men," the 24-year-old said in a viral Instagram video. "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss …"

"I'm actually embarrassed to talk about this because all of the observations that I've made have really revealed to me how deeply ingrained [expletive] dads have become like in my brain, and it's just like the default,” she continued.

The notion that fathers only have to do the bare minimum was so ingrained in Hughes’ psyche that she couldn’t understand seeing so many involved fathers in Sweden.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, soccer, swedish childA dad playing soccer with his child.via Canva/Photos

"When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, what does my brain think … That's weird, there is something abnormal about that,” Hughes said. “When I see dads at the grocery store with their kids. When I see dads out at restaurants or in public. It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families."

She said that even the best dads she's worked with in America would be considered the "Scandinavian bare minimum." She applauded one Swedish father who purchased a new size of diapers for his baby without being told to do so by his partner.

swedes, swedish couple, scandanavia, swedish flag, happy swedesA couple holding up the Swedish flag.via Canva/Photos

"Like I watched a Swedish dad go to the grocery store and come home with like four bags of groceries and in that trip he had bought size two diapers for a baby that had previously been wearing size one and was ready to move into size two but that conversation had not happened between the mom and the dad,” she said.

Given Swedish dads' dedication towards their parenting responsibilities, it’s fair to assume that their partners are much happier and stress-free than those in the States. But what about their kids? Researchers at the United Nations who studied “child well-being in rich countries” found that Swedish fathers also ranked high by their children. The survey asked children in 28 countries if it was easy to talk to their dads, and while 67% of children in the study said their parents were easy to talk to, Swedish fathers scored higher at 72.4%. Meanwhile, the U.S ranked 25, out of 28, at just 59.7%.

sweden, swedish dad, swedish fathers, swedish child, dad reading note, A Swedish dad reading a note. via Canva/Photos

Ultimately, Hughes makes an important point that Scandinavian men have set a high bar for being fathers and that American men need to step up. The positive sign is that in America, the discussion around default parenting has been getting louder and louder, and hopefully, that will prompt more American men and women to set higher expectations so that one day, American men can catch Sweden’s.

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Humor

Grandma goes viral with 3 perfect, hilarious rules for her funeral

We finally know why Bertha's not invited.

Grandma goes viral for her three simple yet hilarious 'funeral rules'
Grandma goes viral for her three simple yet hilarious 'funeral rules'

Forget kids. Grandmas say the darndest things. One grandma in particular took TikTok by storm for her brutally honest, yet hilarious “funeral rules.” And though Grandma Lill adds the caveat that it won’t be anytime soon, you had better remember these rules when the day finally comes. Or there might be two funerals to plan.

95-year-old Grandma Lill is no stranger to the spotlight. Her social media bios all read “I’m a celebrity” and she’s not foolin’ around. She has her own clothing line, YouTube Channel and her name has been uttered by the likes of Jimmy Kimmel and Steve Harvey. She’s basically the internet’s favorite granny.


TikTok · grandma_droniakwww.tiktok.com


But this video takes the cake at a whopping 50 million views. She’s gone full-blown viral now. Probably because she inadvertently brings up some little gems of wisdom we could all apply to dealing with the passing of a loved one.

Or maybe it's just cause she's delightfully cantankerous. Either way, it makes for some wholesome entertainment.

Without further ado, here are those three important rules:

1. Cry. But not too much.

Or, as Grandma Lill puts it, “don’t make a fool of yourself.”

Funerals can be just as much about commemorating as they are expressing grief. We can also share the happy memories we have of those who have passed, not just shed tears.

I think this is what grandma Lill was getting at. Or maybe she just doesn’t like you stealing the attention.

2. Bertha ISN'T invited.

Whoever this Bertha chick is … she messed up. She messed up big time. Bertha, you have been CANCELED.

And hey, why shouldn’t we decide who’s on the invite list for our last big day? If, for example, there’s a family member who caused a lot of pain, or with whom we just didn’t share a kinship … perhaps there doesn’t have to be an obligation to invite them to these major life moments.

Basically, this is your permission slip to openly decline any and all Berthas in your life. That goes for weddings, birthday parties, baby showers … you name it. Don’t let her in!

3. Get drunk afterward.

As long as you take a shot for Grandma Lill.

After the ceremony honors what’s lost, take a moment to let go and move forward with the life that is still around you. Something tells me that letting it all go and celebrating life is something Grandma Lill’s a pro at.

Check out Grandma Lill's 'Funeral Rules' below:

@grandma_droniak

it wont be any time soon but dont forget it #funeral #grandma #rules #dontcry #funeralservices #wake #greenscreen

Thousands of commenters chimed in to celebrate Lill's rules. But the overwhelming sentiment from almost every single one of them was: We need the full story of the beef with Bertha!

Lucky for us, all was revealed two years later when Grandma Lills made a video about attending Bertha's funeral. Bertha had, allegedly, tried to hook up with Lill's late husband. Not cool, Bertha! "I always knew I would outlive her," grandma joked.

In another recent viral video, Lill spoofs popular "Get Ready With Me" videos from other influencers by bringing the viewer along as she gets dressed for a funeral. Of course, funerals aren’t the only topic Grandma Lill can make you laugh about.

Her TikTok channel is a carefully curated gallery of pure funny. Everything from bingo jokes to advice for getting back at your ex (yeah, she shows no mercy) can be found here.


@grandma_droniak

rip arthur. who knows what we could have been

No one likes funerals, least of all the person who's there to be mourned. It's why the idea of the Irish Wake is so popular — a spirited celebration of life that encourages laughter and merriment. Grandma Lills definitely has the right idea about how she wants to go out, and now that it's cemented in Internet lore, her kids and grandkids will be forced to honor her wishes when the day comes.

This article originally appeared three years ago. It has been updated.

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Mental Health

Motivation expert explains how two simple words can free you from taking things personally

You don't need to take responsibility for everything and everyone.

via TEDx SF/Flickr and TEDx SF/Flickr

Mel Robbins making a TED Talk.

Towards the end of The Beatles’ illustrious but brief career, Paul McCartney wrote “Let it Be,” a song about finding peace by letting events take their natural course. It was a sentiment that seemed to mirror the feeling of resignation the band had with its imminent demise.

The bittersweet song has had an appeal that has lasted generations, and that may be because it reflects an essential psychological concept: the locus of control. “It’s about understanding where our influence ends and accepting that some things are beyond our control,” Jennifer Chappell Marsh, a marriage and family therapist, told The Huffington Post. “We can’t control others, so instead, we should focus on our own actions and responses.”

This idea of giving up control (or the illusion of it) when it does us no good was perfectly distilled into two words that everyone can understand: "Let Them." This is officially known as the “Let Them” theory. Podcast host, author, motivational speaker and former lawyer Mel Robbins explained this theory perfectly in a vial Instagram video posted in May 2023.

“I just heard about this thing called the ‘Let Them Theory,’ I freaking love this,” Robbins starts the video.

“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you're really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, let them.” Robbins says in the clip. “So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”

“If they’re not showing up how you want them to show up, do not try to force them to change; let them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just let them – and then you get to choose what you do next,” she continued.

The phrase is a great one to keep in your mental health tool kit because it’s a reminder that, for the most part, we can’t control other people. And if we can, is it worth wasting the emotional energy? Especially when we can allow people to behave as they wish and then we can react to them however we choose?

@melrobbins

Stop wasting energy on trying to get other people to meet YOUR expectations. Instead, try using the “Let Them Theory.” 💥 Listen now on the #melrobbinspodcast!! “The “Let Them Theory”: A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About” 🔗 in bio #melrobbins #letthemtheory #letgo #lettinggo #podcast #podcastepisode

How you respond to their behavior can significantly impact how they treat you in the future.

It’s also incredibly freeing to relieve yourself of the responsibility of changing people or feeling responsible for their actions. As the old Polish proverb goes, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

“Yes! It’s much like a concept propelled by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k.’ Save your energy and set your boundaries accordingly. It’s realizing that we only have “control” over ourselves and it’s so freeing,” one viewer wrote.

“Let It Be” brought Paul McCartney solace as he dealt with losing his band in a very public breakup. The same state of mind can help all of us, whether it’s dealing with parents living in the past, friends who change and you don’t feel like you know them anymore, or someone who cuts you off in traffic because they’re in a huge rush to go who knows where.

The moment someone gets on your nerves and you feel a jolt of anxiety run up your back, take a big breath and say, “Let them.”

let them theory, let it be, paul mccartney, the beatles, exhalethe beatles wave GIFGiphy

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pets

Springer Spaniel accidentally reveals husband's secret when wife takes him for a walk

Uh oh, busted.

via Scot Mulligan/Pexels
Beautiful photo of a Springer Spaniel

There's a famous novel called The Dogs of Babel. In it, a husband is distraught after the unexplained death of his wife, and spends the entire novel trying to extract information from the only witness to her final moments — their dog. It's heartbreaking and funny and incredibly poignant.

However, it may not be realistic. And that's because when you get down to it, dogs are actually quite bad at keeping secrets. One hilarious viral story shows exactly why.

Jinky, the Springer Spaniel, has his own social media page, where his doggie parents document his beautiful life in Yorkshire, England.


As the photos suggest, he loves playing in the mud. Springers are active, love the great outdoors, and are known for having a lot of energy.

Recently, Jinky’s mom took him on a walk during a loose-leash training session when he took an unexpected turn that revealed where his doggie daddy had secretly been taking him. Loose-leash training is a method trainers use to teach dogs to walk on a leash with some slack without pulling or going after other dogs.

Here’s the big reveal that got daddy in the dog house. Jinky's mom captioned the video:

"POV: you walk the dog the day after your husband did and now he's dragging you into the village pub..."

Cover blown!


After Jinky turned to walk into the village pub as if he had done it a million times before, the wife thought it was hilarious and asked her husband to let her know she was on to him.

"It was really funny," she told Newsweek. "I sent the clip straight to him."

The clip was quite a hit on Instagram, where it has been seen over 5 million times and has over 200,000 likes. Many of the commenters suspected that there were many great friends and treats inside the pub, and that’s why Jinky wanted to go back.

"My spaniel nearly breaks the door down for the pub, is v embarrassing ... but they do give extremely good treats so can’t blame him wanting to go in"

"My dog does this with yoga studios, she knows where the good pets are"

"But mum, the ‘ave footy on telly and all the lads are there!"

"Come on man, don't be a snitch," one user joked.

Others thought the wife should have let Jinky into the pub for a pint or two.

"Go on lad get him a **** pint"

"I mean as long as he’s got the first round…"

"Let the lad have a pint," another joked.

"My friend's dog does this, drags me to all the pubs, even if they're closed," another user added.

Dogs have a fantastic memory, but it works a little differently than ours. Their long-term memory is surprisingly good, but is heavily tied to the associations they make with people, places, and things, according to PetMD. The Instagram theories are probably correct that Jinky associates his visits to the pub with lots of treats, cuddles, and yummy smells. Research shows dogs can remember people, places, and smells for years and years — so it's unlikely Jinky will be able to pass that pub without wanting to go in anytime soon!

Which, of course, is great news for Dad on their walks.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.


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Education

Simple '30-second rule' can help you win every conversation, even if you're a little awkward

You only have to remember one thing.

via Canva/Photos

A man and two women having a fun conversation.

There’s no one alive who doesn’t feel some anxiety about making small talk with other people. The difference is that some confront their fears because they know the incredible benefits that it can mean for their social life, romantic prospects, and careers, while some shy away and miss out on many opportunities.

Many people who avoid small talk believe those who excel at it are naturally charismatic or have been blessed with the “gift of gab.” However, many great conversationalists honed their skills and have a set of rules, techniques, and strategies they use when speaking to people, just like how people who do improvisational comedy or acting have a set of rules to follow to put everyone on the same page. Confident, sociable people may make engaging with others look effortless, but that’s because they have a strategy.

conversation, fun office, men and woman, funny conversation, jokes, levityA group of coworkers having a laugh.via Canva/Photos

What is the 30-second rule?

New York Times bestselling author and founder of the Maxwell Institute, John C. Maxwell, had a rule whenever he started a conversation: “Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to a person.” This can work in any social or professional situation, for example:

At work:

“Wendy, I heard you did great on yesterday’s conference call.”

“Frank, I hear the clients really love working with you.”

At a party:

“Mohammed, I really loved those pictures you posted on Instagram on your trip to Mexico.”

“Sang, are we going to get some of your incredible barbecue today?”

On a date:

“Thanks for choosing such a great restaurant, it has such a nice ambiance.”

“I really like the way your necklace brings out your eyes.”

date, conversation, laughs, jokes, salads, dinner, restaurant, cafeA man and woman joking on a date.via Canva/Photos

Whether you are complimenting, relaying positive information about the person, or encouraging them, the key is to pump them up and make them feel good about themselves. The 30-second rule fits nicely into Maxwell’s overall view of relationships: “Those who add to us, draw us to them. Those who subtract, cause us to withdraw,” he said.

The key to giving the other person encouragement is to do so genuinely. If you aren’t genuine with your compliments or words of encouragement, your words can have the opposite effect and make the other person feel like you are being condescending.

How does encouragement make people feel?

encouragement, poeple in blue shirts, luaghs, my bad, smiles, supportive peopleA man making a joke with other people in blue shirts.via Canva/Photos

Studies have shown that when people hear words of encouragement, they feel good and have a burst of energy. Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.

Ultimately, a direct connection exists between being likeable and being genuinely interested in other people. William King said, “A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.”

Every time you start a new conversation with someone, take the opportunity to share some words of encouragement with the other person, and you’ll be on your way to being seen as a brilliant conversationalist.

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