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Woman shares texts showing the difference between a healthy and a controlling relationship

Is it a healthy or controlling relationship?

a woman in nature; a tweet overlay and screenshot of a text conversation
Pic from Twitter.

The texting experience between two different men.

Saving old text messages from exes can sometimes be an asset when you need to remember exactly why you left them. Alternately, sometimes digital relics from old relationships serve as a good reminder of how much good we have in our lives currently.

At least, they did for the X user May Larsen, who posted screenshots of two text threads with two very different men in 2018.

The conversation on the left shows how an old conversation went down with an emotionally manipulative ex. While the other screenshot is a prime example of what communication in a healthy partnership looks like.

The emotional dynamics of this exchange are full of red flags.

screenshot of a text exchange

The unhealthy "Don’t cheat" Text.

Pic cropped from Twitter post.

This ex (boyfriend, hookup, whatever he was) went from 0-100 in no time. In fact, the ONLY way this kind of freak out would be excusable would be if they had prior plans she ditched on. Alternately, if he was doing a performance art bit where he embodied Drake's "0-100 / The Catch Up" via text message. Outside of those possibilities, this type of reaction is nothing short of manipulation and emotional abuse.

The second text message showed how Larsen's current partner responds to a simple night out:

relationships, boys, men

The healthy "Let me know when you’re home safe" Text.

Pic cropped from Twitter post.

The difference between these responses to a simple night out on the town is night and day. When comparing the two messages, the red flags really pop.

People on X had a LOT of thoughts about the texts.

A lot of people assumed the texts were from two guys she's currently dating.

That quickly got shut down.

Meanwhile, others were caught up with the fact that her current dude wears a cowboy hat.

Regardless of whether the rest of us are pro cowboy hat (I'm pro if you can pull it off), it seems they've got a healthy situation going. Communication is key, in any kind of relationship.


Update: It looks like May and Cowboy Hat got married in 2020. We love a happy ending!

🤠

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Mental Health

There's a new personality type called the 'otrovert' and one major trait sets it apart

"I feel seen for the first time in my life!"

crowd, unique, personality type, nonconformist
Photo Credit: Canva

A person stands out in a crowd.

So many of us have the desire to compartmentalize our personality traits into neat little boxes. "Oh, she's such an INFJ. Oh, he's such a Gemini." Some of it is rooted (well sort of) in psychology, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, based loosely on Jungian ideas. Others rely on arguably less scientific data like stars and "rising signs." Humans aren't usually that simple.

That said, there's still value in understanding one's own personality and inclinations. Here's a confession: I've taken countless personality tests because I just couldn't figure out if I was an extrovert or an introvert. Neither description quite fit, and as someone constantly trying to understand what makes me tick, this has been frustrating.

Turns out, there are other options. The term "ambivert" got popularized in the 1930s (after being coined by Edmund S. Conklin in 1923), and it refers to a person "who has features of both an introvert (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and an extrovert (someone who prefers to be with other people) in their personality."

@tedtoks

Replying to @Factura🛄 now knowing what an ambivert is, how would you describe yourself? #ambivert #introvert #extrovert #adamgrant #psychology #TEDTalk #worklife

But for those who still don't quite relate, meet the otrovert. Just recently, psychiatrist Rami Kaminski published The Gift of Not Belonging, in which he discusses his coined term to describe a whole new type of personality. In an Insta-reel captioned "What is an Otrovert?" Kaminski mentions the polarization of introverts and extroverts. "When Jung invented the terms extrovert and introvert, he saw them as two fundamental orientations of the personality. I see the otrovert in the same way. A personality trait that faces away from the group."

He continues, "Extroverts and introverts are inherently communal, while the otrovert is an outsider to the group. In itself, it is not a problem or condition, nor is it a diagnostic label. It simply means that while most people learn to develop a sense of belonging to a specific group through social conditioning, otroverts remain social but not communal."

In writer Sarjna Rai's piece, "Struggle to Fit the Mold? The 'Otrovert' Personality Explains Why" for Business Standard, they write: "Unlike introverts or extroverts, otroverts are not defined by where they draw their social energy. Instead, the concept captures people who constantly feel like outsiders, and tend to look in a different direction altogether, not necessarily aligned with the rest of the group."

While it's impossible to group people into perfect categories, Rai explains that Kaminski claims the main thing that sets otroverts apart is their "reluctance to conform to group norms."

Writer Avery White lists signs one might be an otrovert in the article "7 Signs You Might Be an Otrovert" for VegOut. Among them is preferring "high-signal conversations and low-maintenance relationships." They give this as an example: "You’ll happily spend three hours exploring one idea with one person—and then not speak for weeks without either of you taking it personally. In other words, low pressure, low expectations, high connection.

Another on the list—and this is a big one according to Kaminski—is: "You can look extroverted in public—yet feel fundamentally 'other.'" This is actually the crux of the term, and in fact, what Kaminski formed The Otherness Institute for: as their website says, "those who feel they don't belong."

The site also shares that recognizing aspects of this type in yourself and others (if it applies) will help "balance between your individuality and your function as part of the social matrix that determines your well-being. The experience of otherness in a togetherness-minded world can be emotionally bruising. Often misunderstood and misdiagnosed, otherness may lead individuals to feel strange, lonely, and unwelcome in groups. Left unidentified, otroverts' non-belonging can result in a frustrating, futile lifetime effort of trying to 'fit in.'"

Some Redditors are scrambling to figure out if they fit into this category. In the subreddit r/INTP (referencing one of the Myers-Briggs personality types), the OP asks, "Maybe I am an 'otrovert?'" Under this, they write, "Dr. Kaminski described the otrovert child as 'neurotypical, friendly, curious, well-adjusted, and often popular' yet 'they resist being pressured into group activities.'"

While this can seem inconsequential in childhood, joining the peer group "becomes critically important" in adolescence, said the psychiatrist, and teens "start to gauge their self-worth based on the group’s ranking of popularity (or unpopularity).'

"Membership in a group, no matter how lowly, is better than being an outsider," he added. "Otroverts, however, are comfortable with being outsiders and find it impossible to feel like insiders, regardless of how welcome they are.'

There are a handful of commenters who feel seen, but many push back, claiming the term could easily apply to other personality traits. One writes, "I think it's easy to resonate with this description... but as some warning noted, there aren't enough studies done about this term that people should be running to adopt it. I resonated with it after reading about it... But I have ADHD and persistent depressive disorder... both of which coincide with the descriptions of an otrovert."

Time will tell if this new term sticks, but for now, it's helping a lot of people feel more understood.

This article originally appeared last year.


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Pets

6th grader's science fair project answers age-old question: 'Do cat buttholes touch everything?'

The world needs to know.

cats; pets; cat lovers; cat parents; cats on counters; cat butts, pets, animals, humor, funny, science
Photo courtesy of Kerry Hyde

Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on? Science answers.

Cat owners are a special breed. Sometimes when dealing with feline friends, they have unique questions that even Google can't seem to answer. This is probably the sole reason cat forums exist, but in 2021, one kid who needed a 6th grade science project decided to skip the cat forums for answers and instead use the scientific method. Kaeden Henry, then a sixth grader, bravely pondered a question few (if any) have been brave enough to ask: do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?

Since cats do whatever the heck they want, training them not to jump on kitchen counters is a feat even Hercules struggles to complete. These fierce felines don't care if you're cooking dinner or trying to get comfy in bed. If they want to sit somewhere, they're going to do it. The thought of cat butts on that expensive Serta pillow designed to feel like you're sleeping on a cloud can gross people out, but thanks to Kaeden, you no longer have to wonder if the butthole itself is also making contact.

cats; pets; cat lovers; cat parents; cats on counters; cat butts, pets, animals, humor, funny, science The scientific method as it was meant to be used. Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The curious sixth grader was homeschooled and well-versed in the scientific method thanks to his mother's PhD in animal behavior with a concentration in feline behavior. And, since they own cats, the science experiment was pretty straightforward (and directly impactful).

The experiment

To complete the experiment, Henry and his mom, Kerry Hyde, bought non-toxic lipstick and applied it to each of their cat's anuses. Then, the cats were given commands.

cats; pets; cat lovers; cat parents; cats on counters; cat butts, pets, animals, humor, funny, science What are you planning on doing with that lipstick?Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"Non-toxic lipstick was applied to their bum-bums, they were then given a series of commands (sit, wait, lie down, and jump up. Side note: Both cats have been trained since kittenhood with a variety of commands, they also know how to high-five, spin around, and speak.), they were compensated with lots of praise, pets, and their favorite treats, and the lipstick was removed with a baby wipe once we collected our data in just under 10 minutes," Hyde wrote in a Facebook post.

The results? Turns out that, no, cat buttholes do not touch every surface cats sit on

Now, let's all take a collective sigh of relief while we go over the details. Kaeden's experiment covered long-haired, short-haired, and medium-haired cats (if your cat is hairless, you better stock up on Clorox wipes just in case).


"His results and general findings: Long and medium haired cat’s buttholes made NO contact with soft or hard surfaces at all. Short haired cats made NO contact on hard surfaces. But we did see evidence of a slight smear on the soft bedding surface. Conclusion, if you have a short haired cat and they may be lying on a pile of laundry, an unmade bed, or other soft uneven surface, then their butthole MAY touch those surfaces!" Hyde shares.

Now every curious cat owner can rest easy knowing that, as long as their cat has hair, their bare bottom balloon knot is not touching the majority of surfaces in their home.

Huzzah, science!

cats; pets; cat lovers; cat parents; cats on counters; cat butts, pets, animals, humor, funny, science You want me to sit on that?Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

The amusing experiment caught the Internet's attention. People laughed and commented, with one person writing, "This is probably the most useful information I’ve learned from a science fair project."

"Good to know!...I can now eat my sandwich left on the counter with confidence!" another writes.

cats; pets; cat lovers; cat parents; cats on counters; cat butts, pets, animals, humor, funny, science High five for an A+! Courtesy of Kerry Hyde

"A+++!!! Whew!! I am very grateful for your sciencing on this subject. My fears from walking in on my cat sitting on my laptop keyboard and subsequently being grossed out and cleaning furiously in a hyper-ocd manner have been somewhat allayed and now maybe I won’t have to use QUIIITE so many wipes." someone chimes in.

"Finally.. Someone answers the important questions!!"

The best part of the story? Even with her Ph.D. in animal behavior, specializing in feline behavior, Kerry learned something new. The power of science!

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Community

Family sees exhausted UPS driver working hard and invites him to 'make a plate' at family cookout

"Everybody family around here 😭."

ups, ups driver, delivery driver, ups deliveries, cookout, family, food, hospitality, kindness
Relaxed008/YouTube
UPS driver invited to family's cookout.

UPS drivers are always on the grind delivering packages around the clock—even on holidays. And one family took notice of the hard-working UPS driver in their neighborhood who had his nose to the grindstone as they enjoyed a cookout together. Rather than simply let him pass by, they decided to flag him down and extend an invite to join them in a move that proved community and hospitality are still alive and well.

TikToker @1fanto shared a touching video with his followers from Easter weekend where his family invited a UPS driver making rounds in their neighborhood to come to their cookout and 'make a plate.'

"Everybody family around here 😭," he captioned the video. "Everybody invited to the cookout.😂"

@1fanto

Everybody family around here 😭 #easter #cookout #wherethefunction

In the video, the UPS driver is seen standing in the family's driveway, and a group of cookout attendees warmly welcome him to join them. The uncle of @1fanto says to the driver, "You've been working hard all day man, you can go on in there!" He calls out for a woman named Stephanie to "take care of him!"

The UPS driver walks up the driveway, and they encourage him to go inside and get his fill as he enters the garage. After securing a plate of food and a drink, the driver walks back outside to mingle with guests, shaking hands with the uncle who invited him.

"You good?" the uncle asks, and the driver responds, "Yeah I'm good. They hooked me up. Thank you so much. Appreciate y'all for inviting me out." On his way back to his truck, the uncle encourages the driver to invite other workers to stop by as well.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

In a follow up video, @1fanto explained more about how the invite went down. He shares that the UPS driver was driving by the family's house on the Saturday before Easter, and at the time the family was enjoying a big fish fry cookout together. His uncle flagged the driver down, and he pulled over.

He shares that his uncle told the driver, "Go inside and get you a plate!" The driver asked him, "Are you sure?" But he reassured him, adding that the family made sure to ask the driver what he wanted and didn't want on his plate to "make sure he was good and got everything he needed".

"I saw it had a positive impact. That's what my family do. That's not something that we just do for social media," @1fanto shared. "That's something that we do on a regular basis that doesn't just happen when the camera's on. It happens when the camera's off, too. We're all equal. We all bleed the same."

ups, ups truck, united parcel service, ups delivery, ups deliveries, ups driver A UPS truck with package deliveries.Image via Wikipedia

Viewers had lots of positive things to say in the comment section.

"I am a UPS driver and that makes our day. People showing love to us"

"Your family represents the best of America🫶🏼 Your uncle is now all of our uncle."

"Working the holidays suck. But they made that man’s entire day. Love it."

"I love when people are nice for no reason. You’re so real ♥️thank you for being so kind."

"Being a delivery driver is grueling, often thankless work. It's awesome to see a family that remembers those hardworking folks are essential parts of our communities."

This article appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Body Image

This plus size figure skater is uplifting girls everywhere with her astonishing moves

An incredible display of grace and athleticism.

figure skating, skater, ice skating, plus size, inspiration, girls
Canva Photos

Figure skater Laine Dubin doesn't fit the stereotypical mold, and that's why young skaters love her.

The winter Olympic viewership numbers don't lie: Figure skating is one of the most beloved sports in the world. Honestly, is there anything more beautiful and graceful? It's got the gorgeous aesthetics of gymnastics and dance combined with an almost other-worldliness as the skaters glide and fly around the ice. There's a reason people can't seem to look away from the rink when the Olympics roll around every couple of years.

However, the sport of ice skating comes with certain expectations or even stereotypes of what the skaters body should look like. For women, most high level skaters are almost always extremely petite and slight. It stands to reason that this body type must be a requirement to perform at a high level, right?

Wrong. Laine Dubin is one skater who's out to prove that there's no "right way" for an athlete to look.

figure skating, skater, ice skating, plus size, inspiration, girls There's no one right way for an athlete to look. Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

Dubin, most recently a student at Quinnipiac University where she was a standout on the skating team, began posting videos of her routines online in 2018. Believe it or not, she didn't set out to start a body-positive revolution—she just wanted to document her progress and free up some space on her phone.

But almost instantly, she began to develop a following. No one had ever seen anyone like her pulling off the moves that she could, all with so much personality and showmanship that sucked people in. Not only that, but Dubin displays outstanding power and grace on the ice. If you've only ever watched the "prototypical" Olympic skaters perform, what Dubin does almost looks impossible. It's really amazing to behold.

One clip in particular recently went mega viral to the tune of over 30 million views:

@lainedubin

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALLLLLLLLL🏆🥇 🎥 @Emma #figureskating #figureskatingtiktok #iceskating #iceskatingtiktok #plussizefigureskater #figureskatingtiktoks #iceskater #figureskater #adultfigureskater #adultsskatetoo

Dubin has undoubtedly found her people on social media. The responses to her videos could bring tears to your eyes. Not only are viewers in awe of her skill on the ice, they find so much hope and inspiration in what Dubin is doing:

"Ok but as a bigger Asian girl who has always dreamed of ice skating this made me tear up 😭 so proud of you"

"I NEVER see plus sized rep in figure skating, YOU ARE INCREDIBLE THIS IS SO COOL!!"

"the fact no one knows how absolutely impressive this is especially with girls our size I love ice skating I've been a fan forever the power and strength you need to pull your up and spin like that"

"wait! someone with my body type figure skating?!!! like a GODDESS may I add, this makes me feel so seen, and like, maybe I could do this with some practice as well!!!!!???"

"As a plus sized girl who had the idea of figure skating shot down, thank you for making the lil girl in me happy and I'm so damn proud of you. You're awesome."

Comments just like these roll in on Dubin's videos every single day. But that doesn't mean that general attitudes across the sport are ready to change.

Women skaters, especially, are mercilessly mocked, fat-shamed, and picked apart by viewers, coaches, and even judges of the sport. Five-time Olympic medalist Tessa Virtue has dealt with people nitpicking her body her entire career, calling her either too fat or too muscular. Bronze medalist and two-time US National Champion Gracie Gold had to take a hiatus from the sport to get help with an eating disorder. One of the most promising young figure skaters in recent memory, Yulia Lipnitskaya, was forced to retire at just 19 due to anorexia along with injuries.

There are a lot of factors that contribute to this major problem. The norm is for female skaters in competition to wear incredibly skimpy dresses and outfits that accentuate their form and technique, which would make anyone self-conscious about their body. Canadian skater Kaetlyn Osmond adds that less body mass also helps them achieve sky-high jumps on the ice.

@lainedubin

my first rain skate but it was in my coaching skates😪 #figureskating #iceskating #adultfigureskater #plussize #figureskater 🎥 bry

Dubin is living proof, though, that a plus-sized body can be athletic, graceful, and beautiful. It means so much to all the kids who think they shouldn't bother pursuing their love of the sport because their own body type will never allow them to fit in.

“It’s just people seeing representation in the media of themselves being represented first,” Dubin told US Figure Skating in 2023. “That’s what will make people feel validated and that’s what will lead to change with body inclusivity in the skating space.”

The way she's racking up millions and millions of views, it's fair to say she—along with other plus-sized skaters—could have a real, tangible impact on the next generation of skating athletes. The official Olympics Facebook page even shared one of her clips, exposing her moves and her message to a new, massive audience. She was also interviewed on Behind the Skates on YouTube:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Keep up with Dubin and watch her progress, play, and fashion on TikTok and Instagram and visit her Linktree for even more.

This article originally appeared in April. It has been updated.

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Gen Xers and Boomers discuss the eye-opening signs about aging no one warned them about

"That eventually you will end up in that CVS aisle you always skipped because it didn’t pertain to you."

aging, gen x, boomer, getting older, aging signs
Photo credit: Canva

Our bodies change as we get older, but that's not all.

Even though we all know it's inevitable, aging has a way of sneaking up on us, and often in ways we don't expect. The best people to speak on the truths about aging, of course, are Boomers (those born 1946 to 1964) and Gen Xers (those born 1965 to 1980). With decades of life under their belt, these folks possess wisdom and insight into what it's actually like to grow old that they can share with younger generations.

A Reddit user posed the following question to Boomers and Gen Xers on the hilariously named /AskOldPeople channel: "What’s something about aging that no one warned you about, but you wish they had?" Folks did not hold back. Gen Xers and Boomers opened up about their first-hand experiences and let their good, bad, and ugly experiences fly.

aging, gen x, boomer, getting older, aging signs Aging comes with ups and downs.Photo credit: Canva

Here are the best responses to the warning signs about aging from Gen Xers and Boomers:

"The slow loss of everything, your abilities, your health, your friends, relatives, places you loved, etc. Just the eroding away of everything." —@ BreadfruitOk6160

"All the loss you endure." —@southerndude42

"I wish they had warned me that it's OKAY 'not to do anything' when you retire. My husband and I have been retired about two years now, and it's been wonderful. But we're not jetting around the world. We are just relaxing, enjoying being home. And that's okay, it doesn't mean we have a worse life now." —@slenderella148

aging, gen x, boomer, getting older, aging signs You may want to just chill at home, and that's okay.Photo credit: Canva

"The invisibility." —@TimeSurround5715

"Aches and pains don’t go away in a day. Sometimes it takes a week." —@OscarTravolta

"Start appreciating the smallest things… like a quiet morning, or when a friend texts u a meme outta nowhere. those tiny moments hit diff now." —@quietswoon

"It’s so much harder to gain muscle once you age." —@GroundAndSound

"That eventually you will end up in that CVS aisle you always skipped because it didn’t pertain to you." —@IntentionAromatic523

"How fast time goes by. I was 21 yesterday. Now I'm 69. Time went by way to quickly." —@Dry-Cause2061

aging, gen x, boomer, getting older, aging signs There's a freedom that comes with getting older, too.Photo credit: Canva

"That I would feel this great. And content. And so much more in love with my SO, decade after decade. That there would be as much joy in walking fast laps as there was in running full court basketball. That for all the travail I've had a wonderful life. That it would become so easy to understand Robinson Jeffers:"

Still the mind smiles at its own rebellions,
Knowing all the while that civilization and the other evils
That make humanity ridiculous, remain
Beautiful in the whole fabric, excesses that balance each other
Like the paired wings of a flying bird."

—@Own-Animator-7526

"All the napping! I've never needed so many naps..." —@Familiar_Collar_78

"Menopause. I knew so little about it beyond hot flashes, but what absolutely NOBODY told me was: after 40+ years of mostly painful, heavy periods, it is a GLORIOUS feeling not to have a period anymore. 🙌 I especially love the freedom of being able to travel without having to calculate whether I’d need to pack extra products and underwear. (Thank God my agony came pretty much like clockwork every 28 days. 🙄)." —@Technical-Bit-4801

"Death, there are fewer & fewer people that know who you really are & where you came from. I've these parts of my life I shared with friends, & they're dead now. It's a strange feeling, when I'm gone it'll be like those moments never happened. The loss of shared experiences, I guess. It's nothing terribly important, or even very impactful, it's just slightly sad." —@Inside_Ad_7162

aging, gen x, boomer, getting older, aging signs Aging also come with loss. Photo credit: Canva

"How precious time will feel. Every moment matters to me now and I have no patience for squandering it. I consider myself very laid back but if there is anything that will trigger me, it's someone wasting my time. Feels like they're stealing my most precious resource." —@PicoRascar

"As a male. The crazy ear and nose hairs that grow." —@Mikethemechanic00

"Late sixties. ....something about aging no one warned about? Sounds like it's gotta be something bad. I wasn't warned about how independent, footloose and fancy free I'd feel once all work and family commitments and obligations were fulfilled. And I can be cantankerous whenever I wanna be. Most folks get warned about long term health consequences but it is difficult to overcome the insidious long-term ill-health consequences of commercial, corporate, processed, fast food pressures and convenience. way too much is spent on consequences of poor health and not enough on prevention and education --- imho." —@Buzzhoops

"The sensitivity. I have always been a very sensitive person who feels things deeply. But I'm also GenX so calloused, but lord a mercy if middle-age hasn't turned me into a crybaby. I swear I never used to cry so much." —@earthgarden

"That regularly putting money into savings or a retirement account is as important as brushing your teeth every day." —@InternalAcrobatic216

"When you hear a song or band from your youth that you absolutely hated because they were so cheesy and god-awful bad, but now when you hear it.. it brings back smiles and memories…. that’s the cleansing power of Nostalgia!" —@Hillman314

It's easy to forget that growing old is a privilege, one that comes with both upsides and downsides. Knowing what's coming might be helpful, but time will tell if it's something we can ever truly prepare for.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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