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Shows like 'Euphoria' are uncomfortable to watch. But they teach us empathy.

euphoria, hbo
Screenshot from HBO

Euphoria's Rue, played by Zendaya.

"Euphoria" is without question a heavy show. The teenagers at Euphoria High deal with abusive relationships, drug addiction, mental illness and the dark side of sexuality. There’s not one episode that feels comfortable. When I think of “easy viewing,” this is certainly not it.

The show has received a lot of backlash for its content, with critics claiming that it glorifies and glamorizes toxic behavior. Following "Euphoria"’s second season, D.A.R.E. issued a statement to TMZ saying "It is unfortunate that HBO, social media, television program reviewers, and paid advertising have chosen to refer to the show as 'groundbreaking,' rather than recognizing the potential negative consequences on school age children who today face unparalleled risks and mental health challenges.”

Though I understand the concern, I do not agree. I think "Euphoria," and shows like it, can be vital viewing. They’re painful, intense and hard to watch. And that’s exactly why we need them, if we ever aspire to strengthen our compassion for those dealing with issues that often lurk under the surface.

As the central character Rue (played by Zendaya) struggles to gain control of her life, we feel her loneliness, her yearning, her despair … all of it. This is in part thanks to emotional empathy, a term coined by psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman, meaning to “feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.” When we engage in emotional empathy, we activate mirror neurons, the cells of the brain that fire up both when we perform an act and when we observe an act.

zendaya dareGiphy

Think about the excitement you feel when your favorite team scores a winning goal, or seeing a stranger stub their toe and suppressing the urge to yell “ouch!” Though you are not experiencing a situation on the outside, you are definitely experiencing it on the inside. Compare this to cognitive empathy, which refers to “simply knowing how the other person feels,” which keeps things intellectual, abstract, distant.

Television impacts our culture with emotional empathy. Watching TV can be a visceral experience: We get invested in the outcomes of characters’ decisions, relate to them, seeing the world differently as a result. Quite often we feel what a character feels, without ever having lived a similar experience. "Euphoria" harnesses the power of story beautifully in this way. It’s incredibly painful to watch, but so is addiction. And I think we owe it to those going through it to witness their inner battles. We’ve already seen the importance of representation, after all.

Zendaya has been very candid that the intention of the show was never to make drug use and violence aspirational. "Our show is in no way a moral tale to teach people how to live their life or what they should be doing,” she said in an interview with Entertainment Weekly. “If anything, the feeling behind Euphoria, or whatever we have always been trying to do with it, is to hopefully help people feel a little bit less alone in their experience and their pain. And maybe feel like they're not the only one going through or dealing with what they're dealing with."

And to that end, the show has been successful. "I've had a lot of people reach out and find so many parallels from all ages, all walks of life,” Zendaya told EW. “So many parallels with Rue and her story and Rue means a lot to them in a way that I can understand, but also maybe in a way that I could never understand, and that means the most to all of us."

13 reasons whyGiphy

Previously, the Netflix series “13 Reasons Why” received similar criticism for glorifying teenage suicide. Though the show’s creators initially defended their decision to keep a scene that graphically depicted a young character taking their life, eventually the scene did get removed. According to Vanity Fair, this was at the urging of both advocates and health experts, after there was an increase of calls to suicide hotlines from teenage viewers.

I am not a mental health expert, but I cannot help but wonder: Rather than making suicide appear more attractive, could the show have inspired teenagers to express what was already going on inside? Could instead this be the first time these issues were out in the open, and therefore safe to talk about?

Even Netflix released a statement saying “We’ve heard from many young people that 13 Reasons Why encouraged them to start conversations about difficult issues like depression and suicide and get help—often for the first time.”

This reminds me of the third type of empathy that Goleman and Ekman identify. Compassionate empathy is when we ”not only understand and feel a person’s predicament, but we are moved to help as well.” Though by definition this is regarding being moved to act for somebody else, I think the principle still applies to both "13 Reasons" and "Euphoria." People were moved to talk to someone about their mental health. That to me is a huge victory.

euphoriaGiphy

Empathy is one of the most valuable skills we can learn. It can defeat misunderstandings, derision and dogma while cultivating the best parts in all of us. That’s why we need stories, even the uncomfortable ones, to help us understand a different world as our own, so that we can remember we are all connected, and even, when possible, take compassionate action.

Shows such as "Euphoria" help those struggling with similar issues find unconditional love for themselves and their journey. It helps family members of addicts better understand what’s happening underneath the surface (this coming from a daughter of addicts, by the way). I think that anything created with this kind of heartfelt intention is a force for good. No matter how painful.

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Young creators are finding their voice and platform on Facebook

Photos from Tay Nakamoto

Facebook is no longer just your mom’s favorite place to share embarassing photos.

The social media platform has grown in popularity for young users and creators who enjoy forming connections with like-minded individuals through groups and events.

Many of these users even take things offline, meeting up in person for activities like book clubs, brunch squads, and Facebook IRL events, like the recent one held in New York City, and sharing how they use Facebook for more than just social networking.

“Got to connect with so many people IRL at an incredible Facebook pop up event this past weekend!” creator @Sistersnacking said of the event. So many cool activities like airbrushing, poster making + vision boarding, a Marketplace photo studio, and more.”

Tay Nakamoto, a designer known for her whimsical, colorful creations, attended the event and brought her stunning designs to the public. On Facebook, she typically shares renter-friendly hacks, backyard DIY projects, and more with her audience of 556K. For the IRL event, she created many of the designs on display, including a photobooth area, using only finds from Facebook Marketplace.

“Decorating out of 100% Facebook Marketplace finds was a new challenge but I had so much fun and got it doneeee. This was all for the Facebook IRL event in NYC and I got to meet such amazing people!!” Nakamoto shared on her page.

Also at the event was Katie Burke, the creator of Facebook Group “Not Wasting My Twenties.” Like many other recent grads at the start of the pandemic, she found herself unemployed and feeling lost. So she started the group as a way to connect with her peers, provide support for one anopther, and document the small, everyday joys of life.

The group hosts career panels, created a sister group for book club, and has meetups in cities around the US.

Another young creator making the most of Facebook is Josh Rincon, whose mission is to teach financial literacy to help break generational poverty. He grew his audience from 0 to over 1 million followers in six months, proving a growing desire for educational content from a younger generation on the platform.

He’s passionate about making finance accessible and engaging for everyone, and uses social media to teach concepts that are entertaining yet educational.

No matter your interests, age, or location, Facebook can be a great place to find your people, share your ideas, and even make new friends IRL.

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Researchers dumped tons of coffee waste into a forest. This is what it looks like now.

30 dump truck loads and two years later, the forest looks totally different.

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One of the biggest problems with coffee production is that it generates an incredible amount of waste. Once coffee beans are separated from cherries, about 45% of the entire biomass is discarded.

So for every pound of roasted coffee we enjoy, an equivalent amount of coffee pulp is discarded into massive landfills across the globe. That means that approximately 10 million tons of coffee pulp is discarded into the environment every year.


When disposed of improperly, the waste can cause serious damage soil and water sources.

However, a new study published in the British Ecological Society journal Ecological Solutions and Evidence has found that coffee pulp isn't just a nuisance to be discarded. It can have an incredibly positive impact on regrowing deforested areas of the planet.

via British Ecological Society

In 2018, researchers from ETH-Zurich and the University of Hawaii spread 30 dump trucks worth of coffee pulp over a roughly 100' x 130' area of degraded land in Costa Rica. The experiment took place on a former coffee farm that underwent rapid deforestation in the 1950s.

The coffee pulp was spread three-feet thick over the entire area.

Another plot of land near the coffee pulp dump was left alone to act as a control for the experiment.

"The results were dramatic." Dr. Rebecca Cole, lead author of the study, said. "The area treated with a thick layer of coffee pulp turned into a small forest in only two years while the control plot remained dominated by non-native pasture grasses."

In just two years, the area treated with coffee pulp had an 80% canopy cover, compared to just 20% of the control area. So, the coffee-pulp-treated area grew four times more rapidly. Like a jolt of caffeine, it reinvigorated biological activity in the area.

The canopy was also four times taller than that of the control.

Before and after images of the forest

The forest experienced a radical, positive change

via British Ecological Society

The coffee-treated area also eliminated an invasive species of grass that took over the land and prevented forest succession. Its elimination allowed for other native species to take over and recolonize the area.

"This case study suggests that agricultural by-products can be used to speed up forest recovery on degraded tropical lands. In situations where processing these by-products incurs a cost to agricultural industries, using them for restoration to meet global reforestation objectives can represent a 'win-win' scenario," Dr. Cole said.

If the results are repeatable it's a win-win for coffee drinkers and the environment.

Researchers believe that coffee treatments can be a cost-effective way to reforest degraded land. They may also work to reverse the effects of climate change by supporting the growth of forests across the globe.

The 2016 Paris Agreement made reforestation an important part of the fight against climate change. The agreement incentivizes developing countries to reduce deforestation and forest degradation, promote forest conservation and sustainable management, and enhance forest carbon stocks in developing countries.

"We hope our study is a jumping off point for other researchers and industries to take a look at how they might make their production more efficient by creating links to the global restoration movement," Dr. Cole said.


This article originally appeared on 03.29.21

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Family

Naming twins is an art. Here are some twin names people say are the best they've ever heard.

With twins, all the regular pressures of having a baby are doubled, including choosing a name.

Photo credit: Canva

Are you in favor of rhyming twin names? Or is it too cutesy?

Having twins means double the fun, and double the pressure. It’s a fairly known rule to name twins in a way that honors their unique bond, but that can lead to overly cutesy pairings that feel more appropriate for nursery rhyme characters than actual people. Plus, it’s equally important for the names to acknowledge each twin’s individuality. Again, these are people—not a matching set of dolls. Finding the twin baby name balance is easier said than done, for sure.

Luckily, there are several ways to do this. Names can be linked by style, sound or meaning, according to the baby name website Nameberry. For example, two names that share a classic style would be Elizabeth and Edward, whereas Ione and Lionel share a similar rhythm. And Frederica and Milo seem to share nothing in common, but both mean “peaceful.”

Over on the /NameNerds subreddit, one person asked folks to share their favorite twin name pairings, and the answers did not disappoint.

One person wrote “Honestly, for me it’s hard to beat the Rugrats combo of Phillip and Lillian (Phil and Lil) 💕”

A few parents who gave their twin’s names that didn’t inherently rhyme until nicknames got involved:

"It's the perfect way! Christmas cards can be signed cutely with matching names, but when they act out you can still use their full name without getting tripped up.😂"

"The parents of a good friend of mine did this: her name is Allison and her sister is Callie. Their names don’t match on the surface, but they were Alli and Callie at home."

“Alice and Celia, because they’re anagrams! Sound super different but have a not-so-obvious implicit connection.”

This incited an avalanche of other anagram ideas: Aidan and Nadia, Lucas and Claus, Liam and Mila, Noel and Leon, Ira and Ria, Amy and May, Ira and Ari, Cole and Cleo…even Alice, Celia, and Lacie for triplets.

Others remembered name pairs that managed to sound lovely together without going into cutesy territory.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesThese matching bunny ears though. Photo credit: Canva

“I know twin toddler boys named Charlie and Archie and they go so well together,” one person commented.

Another wrote, “Tamia and Aziza. I love how they follow the same sound pattern with the syllable endings (-uh, -ee, -uh) without being obnoxiously matchy matchy.”

Still another said, “Lucy and Logan, fraternal girl/boy twins. I think the names sound so nice together, and definitely have the same 'vibe' and even though they have the same first letter they aren't too matchy-matchy.”

Other honorable mentions included: Colton and Calista, Caitlin and Carson, Amaya and Ameera, Alora and Luella, River and Rosie, and Eleanor and Elias.

One person cast a vote for shared style names, saying, “If I had twins, I would honestly just pick two different names that I like separately. I tend to like classic names, so I’d probably pick Daniel and Benjamin for boys. For girls my two favorites right now are Valerie and Tessa. I think Val and Tess would be cute together!”

Overall though, it seems that most folks were fans of names that focused on shared meaning over shared sound. Even better if there’s a literary or movie reference thrown in there.

twin names, twins, babies, baby namesMany adult twins regret that their names are so closely linked together. Photo credit: Canva

“My mom works in insurance, so I asked her. She’s seen a lot of unique ones, but the only twins she remembers are Gwenivere [sic] and Lancelot... bonus points... little brother was Merlin,” one person recalled.

Another shared, “If I had twin girls, I would name them Ada and Hedy for Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr, both very early computer/tech pioneers. Not that I’m that into tech, I just thought it was a brilliant combination.”

Other great ones: Susan and Sharon (think the original “Parent Trap”), Clementine and Cara (types of oranges), Esme and Etienne (French descent), Luna and Stella (moon and stars), Dawn and Eve, plus various plant pairings like Lily and Fern, Heather and Holly, and Juniper and Laurel.

Perhaps the cleverest name pairing goes to “Aubrey and Zoe,” since…wait for it… “they’re A to Z.”

It’s easy to see how naming twins really is a cool opportunity for parents to get creative and intentional with their baby naming. It might be a challenge, sure, but the potential reward is having the most iconic set of twins ever. Totally worth it!

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Overwhelmed new mother hears the perfect parenting advice from her mom on doorbell cam

Monica Murphy was just one month into welcoming her third child into the world.

@monica_murphy/Instagram

Sometimes mom knows just what to say

“How on earth can one person do it all?”

This is a question so many mothers ask themselves. Especially after giving birth, when life seems to expect them to take care of their newborn, get their body back, return to work and keep a clean house all at the same time.

It’s a question that had completely overwhelmed Monica Murphy, only one month into welcoming her third child, while still recovering from a C-section and taking care of her other children, who were also nursing, according to Today.com.

Luckily for Murphy, her mom had the perfect piece of advice to ease her troubled mind. And luckily for us, it was all caught on the family’s doorbell cam.

In a now-viral Instagram post, Murphy wrote her formidable to-do list, which included:

Working

Staying present on social media

Maintaining a clean home

Tandem breastfeeding

Being present with my kids

Eating a nutritious diet

Making time for my husband

Keeping in touch with friends

Making time for myself

Planning activities for kids

Frick decorate for Christmas

Followed by that burning question: “How on earth can one person do it all?”

Of course, Murphy hadn’t expressed any of these stresses to her mom, who had been visiting. But still, her mom knew something heavily weighed on her daughter's mind.

So, as she was walking out, Murphy’s mom left her with these words of wisdom:

“They aren’t gonna remember a clean house, they are gonna remember how much you loved them and hung out with them.”

Murphy told Today.com that she “broke down” crying after her mom had left, and was instantly inspired to share the video for other moms who needed similar encouragement.

Indeed, the message struck an emotional chord with thousands of viewers.

“The way I would’ve just bawled if she said that to me,” one person commented.

Another added, “I needed to hear this today.”

Some shared how it was a sentiment they sadly would never hear from their own mothers, and how they are now re-parenting themselves.

“My mom would just nag I’m lazy and how am I supposed to leave my house a mess. So I’m just easing my anxiety with gentle words from other people’s mothers. As I’ve been doing my whole life. Clean house was above happy children,” one person wrote.

It can be so easy for moms to lose themselves in the never ending cycle of responsibilities and, frankly, unrealistic societal expectations. But hopefully this sweet message can help moms everywhere go a bit easier on themselves, and actually enjoy the time they have with their kids. That’s part of what family is all about, after all.


This article originally appeared on 11.15.23

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Mom reveals 4-year-old's grievances for the week, showing just how nonsensical kids can be

"I wouldn't pull over on the side of the road to let her pet a coyote."

Photo credit: Canva

Mom shares 4-year-old's accidentally hilarious grievances.

Preschoolers can be absolutely hilarious when they aren't even trying. They're old enough to be able to have very strong opinions about things but young enough for most of their strong opinions to be about things that make little sense to adults. Like when a 3-year-old asks for a peanut butter sandwich only to get mad because you put the two pieces of bread together and they didn't want a sandwich like that. They wanted the kind that wasn't a sandwich at all.

While these things can be frustrating in the moment, once you've had a little space from it you can laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Kristen Cook took to social media to list all of her daughter's complaints for the week and they're pretty hysterical. One of the very first things the girl was upset about is the fact that Cook refused to pull over so the girl could pet a coyote. The list got increasingly more interesting.

"I also have two chins. She said it's not really fair that I have two chins and she has one. Her ice cream was too cold. I wore sunglasses the other day—and I don't often wear them but I did—and she said that she felt like that was me lying about being her mom," Cook rattles off before detailing more random grievances.

The mom's confessional style video made for a great starting point for other parents to list their children's nonsensical complaints and they're just as amusing.

"Mine demands I turn off the Sun while we drive," someone says.

"Mine flipped out because I couldn't give her a cloud.....FROM THE SKY!!!!!" another commenter reveals.

"When my daughter was four she got so mad when I showed her a picture of me when I was about six years old …… she can't believe I was a child and I didn’t wait for her so we could grow together as best friends," one person shares.

"My husband is an amputee and our 3 year old daughter randomly gets pissed that I’m mean and took daddy’s leg, he hasn’t had a leg since he was 12 and I met him when he was 17 I had nothing to do with the missing leg," someone else laughs.

"My 4 year old is mad at me because my husband told him he can’t marry me. He’s also mad that I’m pregnant and I won’t let him be pregnant," another person says.

If nothing else, these kids are consistently upset about things outside of their parents' control and it will never get old. But while everyone else was sharing their similar stories to help the mom feel less alone, one person had a message for the mom. Think of it as a small nugget of encouragement: "Well, maybe this week you can do better."

Yes, maybe this week this mom and all the ones facing similar dilemmas can simply do better so their children don't continue to have these very logical (insert sarcasm) complaints.

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German is an oddly charming language. Here's what English sounds like with German grammar.

"Have you already breakfasted?"

via Overlearner/YouTube

What does English sound like with German syntax?

Native English speakers often find German grammar rules pretty baffling. So, imagine if English speakers used German grammar and syntax while speaking their native tongue. Overlearner, a YouTuber who speaks multiple languages, created a video to show what a typical conversation would sound like.

Overlearner’s page discusses the optimal ways to learn languages, music, martial arts, and many other skills.

What’s interesting about the video is German’s unique syntax.

For example:

Person 1:Must you today also to work?

Person 2:No, I must today not to work I have today a day free but I work morning and over morning.


When people speak English but with German grammaryoutu.be

Or there was a crazy situation that went down at Person 2’s job. He’s a tooth doctor, or was we would call him, a dental assistant.

Person 2: Yesterday is a female patient in the clinic come that such fear before tooth doctors had that she during the examination to scream begun has then upstood and out the building run is.

Person 1:Wow, what for a crazy situation, yes.

The video's mixed-up syntax reminded many people in the comments of a “Star Wars” character. "This sounds like AI Shakespearean Yoda having a stroke," one commenter wrote. "So… to Germans, Yoda was the only normal one?" another added.

The video is a great way for English speakers to better understand what German sounds like to native speakers. It’s also a wonderful reminder that we should give any English speakers learning German or German speakers learning English a lot of credit because figuring out how to switch syntax like that must be maddening.

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