What if the media covered these 5 stories like the MOAB?

The Mother of All Bombs has, predictably, become the mother of all news stories.

Photo by Department of Defense via Getty Images.

While we don't yet know how the decision was made, what was accomplished, or how many enemy combatants — or civilians — were killed, we know the one thing that matters above all else: We dropped a really, really big bomb today, and kaboom.


The U.S. military's decision to use the most powerful ordnance in its arsenal is a legitimately big deal.

Still, if there's one thing guaranteed to stoke the embers of 24/7 cable news coverage, it's setting off a massive explosion in a foreign country — no matter how long we've already been blowing things up in said country.

And it really doesn't help that the bomb has a cute nickname.

Northwest Florida Daily News File Photo, via AP.

With a moniker like the Mother of All Bombs, or MOAB, it's no wonder we're talking about it to the exclusion of pretty much everything else happening in the world. How can health care funding, cuts to women's health, and a potential foreign espionage racket compete with a humongous explosive device that also happens to be a member of your family?  

There's a lot going on today that shouldn't be drowned out — stories I've taken the liberty of rebranding here so that, like the giant bomb, they get as much attention as humanly possible.

1. The Father of All Obamacare Funding Debates.

Photo by Andrew Harrer-Pool/Getty Images.

While the U.S. military was busy unleashing mayhem in the Afghan desert, President Trump was initiating the FOAOFD by threatening to eliminate a key program that provides federal subsidies to insurers, helping them cover low-income customers, unless the Democrats negotiate with him on an Obamacare replacement plan.

It could be argued this isn't as exciting as kicking up the biggest fire-and-dust cloud since Nagasaki. Still, a lot of poor people could have trouble seeing the doctor if he follows through, which, you know, eesh.

2. The Brother-in-Law of All Abortion Restrictions.

Photo by Stephanie Ott/Picture Alliance/DPA/AP Images.

President Trump signed the BILOAAR into law today. While incapable of penetrating and obliterating subterranean concrete bunkers, the BILOAAR does allow states to deny funds to organizations that provide contraceptive and reproductive health services, which, hey, is still pretty destructive!

3. The Sister's Ex-Boyfriend of All Turkish Constitutional Referenda.

Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images.

The SEBOATCR, which goes to a vote Sunday, would overhaul Turkey's constitution, granting President Erdogan the power to appoint his own cabinet officials and dozens of judges, to make sweeping changes without legislative approval, and to dissolve parliament.

Many Turks aren't convinced the vote will be fair, anticipating shenanigans from Erdogan's camp, which has been purging officials since a failed coup last July. If it goes through, many opponents fear the changes will mark the country's transition from kind-of-maybe-dictatorship to full-on dictatorship.

Despite the fact that the referendum is not an 11-ton exploding metal tube, Turkey is a NATO ally, as well as one of the main power brokers in the ongoing Syrian civil war, so the vote could be fairly important.

4. The First Cousin Once Removed of All Potentially Shocking Developments in the Russia Investigation.

Russians. Photo by Michael Klimentyev/Getty Images.

An anonymous source told The Guardian that U.S. investigators now have "specific concrete and corroborative evidence of collusion" between members of the Trump campaign and Russian operatives.

The FCOROAPSDITRI, as it's come to be known, could open the door to criminal prosecutions of associates of the president of the United States, which could turn out to be almost as consequential as pushing a bomb the size of a couple of pick-up trucks out of a plane.

5. The Grandmother's Friend Who Always Comes to Holidays and Whose Name You Definitely Should Know by Now but Don't of All New Money Streams for Programs That Enrich the Lives of Girls of Color.

Warren Buffett. Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images.

There's even some good non-bomb news! And it comes in the form of the GFWACTHAWNYDSKBNBDOANMSFPTETLOGOC.

Two of Warren Buffett's children pledged $90 million to organizations that serve girls of color, allowing them unprecedented flexibility with the funds and freedom to determine their own needs.

In one fell swoop — and with little fanfare — the Buffetts managed to strike a blow for justice and promote equality without immolating any human beings.

Interested now, America?

That's what I thought.

Photo via Eglin Air Force Base via AP.

Boom.

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Courtesy of Macy's

In many ways, 18-year-old Idaho native, Hank Cazier, is like any other teenager you've met. He loves chocolate, pop music, and playing games with his family. He has lofty dreams of modeling for a major clothing company one day. But one thing that sets him apart may also jeopardize his future is his recent battle against a brain tumor.

Cazier was diagnosed in 2015. When he had surgery to remove the tumor, he received trauma to his brain and lost some of his motor functionality. He's been in physical, occupational, and speech therapy ever since. The experience impacted Cazier's confidence and self-esteem, so he's been looking for a way to build himself back up again.

"I wanted to do something that helped me look forward to the future," he says.

Enter Make-A-Wish, a nonprofit organization that grants wishes for children battling critical illnesses, providing them a chance to make the impossible possible. The organization partnered with Macy's to raise awareness and help make those wishes a reality. The hope is that the "wish effect" will improve their quality of life and empower them with the strength they need to overcome these illnesses and look towards the future. That was a particularly big deal for Cazier, who had been feeling like so many of his wishes weren't going to be possible because of his critical illness.

"In the beginning, it was hard to accept that it would be improbable for me to accomplish my previous goals because my illness took away so many of my physical abilities," says Cazier. His wish of becoming a model also seemed out of reach.

But Macy's and Make-A-Wish didn't see it like that. Once they learned about Cazier's wish, they knew he had to make it come true by inviting him to be part of the magical Macy's holiday shoot in New York.

Courtesy of Macy's

Make-A-Wish can't fulfill children's wishes without the generosity of donors and partners like Macy's. In fact, since 2003, Macy's has given more than $122 million to Make-A-Wish and impacted the lives of more than 2.9 million people.

Cazier's wish experience was beyond what he could've imagined, and it filled him with so much joy and confidence. "It is like waking up and discovering that you have super powers. It feels amazing!" he exclaims.

One of the best parts about the day for him was the kindness everyone who helped make it happen showed him.

"The employees of Macy's and Make-A-Wish made me feel welcome, warm, and cared for," he says. "I am truly grateful that even though they were busy doing their jobs, they were able to show kindness and compassion towards me in all of the little details."

He also got to spend part of the shoot outdoors, which, as someone who loves climbing, hiking, and scuba-diving but has trouble doing those activities now, was very welcome.

Courtesy of Macy's

Overall, Cazier feels he grew a lot during his modeling wish and is now emboldened to work towards a better quality of life. "I want to acquire skills that help me continue to improve in these circumstances," he says.

You can change the lives of more kids like Cazier just by writing a letter to Santa and dropping it in the big red letterbox at Macy's (you can also write and submit one online). For every letter received before Dec. 24, 2019, Macy's will donate $1 to Make-A-Wish, up to $1 million. By writing a letter to Santa, you can help a child replace fear with confidence, sadness with joy, and anxiety with hope.

Believe
True
Macy's