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19 musicals that are not only catchy—they could help with dementia, according to science

Back in 2013, researchers in the U.S. stumbled upon a novel new treatment for dementia patients: listening to show tunes. Seriously.

musicals, theater, art, dementia, treatments
Photo by Jordhan Madec on Unsplash

A picture taken of the Broadway street sign in New York City.

Back in 2013, researchers in the U.S. stumbled upon a novel new treatment for dementia patients: listening to show tunes. Seriously.

A study of nursing home patients found that residents who sang show tunes — specifically from "Oklahoma!" "The Wizard of Oz," and "The Sound of Music" — demonstrated increased mental performance, according to a report in the New York Daily News:

"Researchers working with elderly residents at an East Coast care home found in a four-month long study ... that people who sang their favorite songs showed a marked improvement compared to those who just listened."

A similar study in Finland, cited in The Guardian, demonstrated that singing not only helped dementia patients feel better and focus, but actually improved certain types of memory as well.

Even better? There are tons of classic show tunes specifically about remembering.

Here are 23 tunes every Broadway fan needs to memorize for the day when it's not so easy to remember. It'll help to start brushing up now.

1. The one about remembering the good old days.

"Those Were the Good Old Days," "Damn Yankees"

If you're the devil in "Damn Yankees," that means the Great Depression, the Black Plague years, and when Jack the Ripper was running around. Good times!

2. The one about remembering a parade that probably never happened.

Any playlist of show tunes about memory has to include this standard from "The Music Man," in which Professor Harold Hill remembers the best day of his life, when "Gilmore, Liberati, Pat Conway, The Great Creatore, W.C. Handy, and John Phillip Sousa all came to town."

Whether or not any of it actually happened is ... up for debate, to put it mildly.

3. The one about remembering a really fun trip you took to a medium-sized Midwestern city.

"Kansas City," "Oklahoma"

"Oklahoma's" Will Parker is so psyched about his Kansas City vacation he can't help bragging about it to all the other cowboys. And why not? It's a neat city! Have you been to Joe's Kansas City Barbecue? Neither has Will Parker, since he was there in 1906, but you should totally go.

4. The one about remembering how fun it was to murder that guy that one time...

"Cell Block Tango," "Chicago"

...while glancing nervously over your shoulder to make sure Queen Latifah isn't around.

5. The one about remembering the questionable choices it's too late to go back in time and not make.

"Where Did We Go Right?" from "The Producers"

Looking back doesn't always go well for characters in musicals. It definitely doesn't for "The Producers'" Bialystock and Bloom, as they tear around their office wondering how their incompetently directed, poorly acted, aggressively pro-Hitler musical wound up becoming a massive hit despite their every attempt to make it fail.

6. The one about remembering the little things.

"I Remember/Stranger Than You Dreamt It," "Phantom of the Opera"

Perhaps the greatest testament to how emotionally transporting "Phantom of the Opera" is: Christine, removing the phantom's mask for the first time, can just straight-up claim to remember mist — like, one mist in particular — and no one calls her on it ever.

7. The one about remembering the worst day of your life.

"The Barber and his Wife," "Sweeney Todd"

No character in musical theater is more nostalgic than Sweeney Todd, who, just moments after we meet him, croons this delightful ditty reminiscing about the time he was framed for a crime he didn't commit and banished from England so that an evil judge could rape his wife who subsequently poisoned herself.

A tune you can hum!

8. The one about remembering things differently than everyone else around you.

"Satisfied," "Hamilton"

Not sure if you've heard, but "Hamilton" is good, you guys.

After Alex and Eliza Schuyler meet and fall in love in "Helpless," Angelica Schuyler basically goes "Wicked" on her sister's song, recalling how agonizing it was watching her sister and the man who she herself is super into get together. But she sucks it up and buries it! Older siblings are the best.

9. The one about remembering that cute girl you just met like five seconds ago.

"Maria," "West Side Story"

A classic from "West Side Story." Sure, it's about remembering a meet-cute that literally just happened — Tony and Maria's orchestral-swell-assisted gaze across a crowded gym — but Tony is super jazzed about it, so it makes the list.

Gosh, I sure hope those crazy kids work out!

10. The one about remembering all the worst things from when you were a kid, and one kind-of-OK thing.

"At the Ballet," "A Chorus Line"

The ballet isn't that great, but it's better than devastating childhood trauma. Score one for the ballet! Thanks, "A Chorus Line!"

11. The one about remembering old hobbies.

"Dentist!" from "Little Shop of Horrors"

"Little Shop of Horrors'" Orin Scrivello, DDS, is just misunderstood. I mean, who among us didn't "shoot puppies," "poison guppies," or "take a pussycat and bash in its head" now and again as a kid? The '50s were a simpler time!

12. The one about remembering watching a dude die on the battlefield and feeling feelings about it.

"Momma Look Sharp," "1776"

47 years before "Hamilton" brought us the swaggery, ass-kicking side of the Revolutionary War, "1776" tore our guts out with this song, in which a courier to the Continental Congress recalls watching a mother comfort a young soldier as he dies at the battles of Lexington and Concord.

Hercules Mulligan does the guest rap. (Just kidding. There is no guest rap. It's just gorgeously somber for a while and then over.)

13. The one about remembering the best four years of your life.

"I Wish I Could Go Back to College," "Avenue Q"

Of course the sad-sack puppet man- and woman-children of "Avenue Q" want to go back to college! Who among us doesn't long for the days of term papers, humiliating romantic encounters, and crushing, debilitating debt? And meal-plan ice cream, too!

14. The one about remembering some A-plus advice from your best friend.

"Cabaret," "Cabaret"

Ladies and gentlemen, Sally Bowles from "Cabaret" is no fool! No matter how many lovers leave, or how much her career nosedives, or how nutty local politics get, she always remembers this important life lesson she learned from her good friend Elsie.

If only you had such a great, wise friend, maybe your outlook would be as good as Sally's. You could be so lucky!

15. The one about remembering last Christmas.

"Halloween," "Rent"

When it comes to the science of memory and cognition, "Rent" asks the big questions:

"Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memories? When single frames from one magic night forever flicker in close-up on the 3-D Imax of my mind?"

Poetic? Pathetic? We report, you decide.

16. The one about remembering everything and realizing how terrible it all was.

"Rose's Turn," "Gypsy"

Ah, yes. "Rose's Turn." The 11 o'clock number to end all 11 o'clock numbers in "Gypsy," the most musical of all musicals. Truly, there aren't many things more enjoyable than listening to Mama Rose replay the events of the last decade and change inside her own brain in a slow-motion nervous breakdown as the notion that her entire life has been completely worthless gradually dawns on her with ever-increasing dread.

Did I mention how fun musicals are?

Trivia time! You know that thing in music where trumpets go, "Ya da da da daaaa DA. Da DA da DA!" You know that thing? This is the song that thing comes from.

17. The one about remembering the first time you knew what you wanted to be when you grew up.

"Ring of Keys," "Fun Home"

There's nothing better than a song that makes you want to shout: "I am so glad I'm watching a musical instead of a basketball game right now." This moment in "Fun Home," where Alison recalls seeing a delivery woman — the first person who looked like the woman she felt like — is really, really one of them.

"This is a song of identification that is a turning moment, when you think you’re an alien and you hear someone else say, 'Oh, me too,'" composer Jeanine Tesori told Variety. "It’s a gamechanger for Alison. And that’s just Musical Theater 101."

...And the entire audience bursts into happy tears forever.

18. The one about remembering a nice dream you dreamed.

"I Dreamed a Dream," "Les Misérables"

When your life isn't going so great, it's good to remember the positive! Things didn't exactly go super well for Fantine in "Les Mis." But, hey, she had a pretty good dream once!

19. The one about remembering your single greatest regret and vowing to never remember it again.

"Turn It Off," "The Book of Mormon"

What's the ticket to living as fun-loving and guilelessly as the Mormon elders in "The Book of Mormon?" Don't just bury those traumatic, scary, impure memories — CRUSH THEM, OK?!

20. The one about remembering a really successful first date.

"Sarah Brown Eyes," "Ragtime"

Ah, young love. Even in "Ragtime," a musical that features racism, state violence, attempted child murder, and terrorism, at least we have this song, in which Coalhouse Walker Jr. recalls how he got his beloved Sarah to fall truly, madly, deeply in love with him with his peerless piano skills? So romantic.

Gosh, I sure hope those crazy kids work out!

21. The one about remembering a scary dream.

"Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat," "Guys and Dolls"

With, perhaps, only a smidge more credibility than grifter-from-another-mother Professor Harold Hill, "Guys and Dolls'" third-most-degenerate gambler Nicely-Nicely Johnson recalls a terrifying dream where he had to convince a group of skeptical evangelical crusaders that he's decided to give up the dice once and for all.

Side note: People in musicals are unbelievably good at remembering dreams. This is, like, full detail. I'd be like, "Um, I was at the Statue of Liberty, and you were there? I think? It wasn't really you, it was like a combination of you and my dad. And we were in prison. But at the Statue of Liberty."

22. The one about remembering how it used to be when you were young and full of hope instead of old and bitter and jaded.

"Our Time," "Merrily We Roll Along"

The closing number of "Merrily We Roll Along" is actually the first chronologically, since the musical goes backward. It's the play's happiest moment — Frank, Charley, and Mary on a roof watching Sputnik go by, giddily talking about how thrilling, perfect, and successful their futures are going to be. It's so hopeful! But so sad, 'cause you already know all the achingly bittersweet stuff that's going to happen.

Ach! So poignant! I'm dead from poignant.

23. The one about remembering.

"Memory," "Cats"

"Cats." The OG.

All right team, what did I miss?

This article originally appeared on 02.26.16

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Golden Years

7 'old people' sayings that are actually solid life advice at every age

"Make all your words sweet because tomorrow you may have to eat them."

Photo credit: Canva

Elder wisdom can come in handy.

With age comes wisdom, or at least we hope it does. As we get older, we collect life lessons that we can pass along to younger generations, sometimes with lengthy stories, sometimes with quippy sayings.

Adages like "A penny saved is a penny earned," or "Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise," have been part of our collective treasure chest of life advice for generations, but the aphorisms that spring from the experience of our loved ones and mentors are often the most meaningful.

Someone shared that they'd read and appreciated this old man's advice: “My grandpa once told me 'if you get on the wrong train, get off at the nearest station, the longer it takes you to get off, the more expensive the return trip will be.' He wasn’t talking about trains.” The person asked for more tidbits of wisdom from old folks and people started sharing sayings they heard from their elders growing up.

Here are some of the best "old man advice" sayings and how they can be applied in a person's life.

"You might miss what’s ahead of you if you keep concentrating on what’s in the rear view mirror."

Another commenter put it another way: "Don't look behind you, you aren't going that way." This adage is about not dwelling on the past. Many of us have a tendency to spend more time mentally in the past, rehashing old memories or being nostalgic for what once was, than we do in the present or looking forward to the future. There's nothing wrong with a little reflection, but if most of our focus is in the past, we miss out on the present. Rear view mirrors are for quick glances, not where our focus should be.

"Do the right thing, even if nobody is watching."

This saying is about good character and true integrity. If you notice someone drop a $20 bill and no one is around to see but you, do you give it back to them or do you pick it up and keep it? If you realize that a store didn't charge you for an item, do you point it out and make it right or do you allow the mistake to remain? There are opportunities each day for us to choose between right and wrong, and those choices really speak to who we are if they are made without anyone else knowing.

bart simpson episode 21 GIFGiphy


"Be nice to everybody you meet on the way up the ladder. You'll see the same faces on the way down "

Don't get cocky and don't burn bridges you think you won't need to return to. There's value in being kind for its own sake, but there's also the reality that being kind also makes people like you. When people like you, they're more likely to lend you a helping hand, and you never know when you're going to be in a position to need one. It's also a good reminder that you're not inherently better than anyone else just because of where you are in life. We're all constantly in flux, so it's important to stay humble and kind.

In other words, "Make all your words sweet because tomorrow you may have to eat them."

"One of the most powerful negotiating tools is silence."

The power of silence in general is often underrated, but it can be an especially useful tool in a negotiation. Some people are so uncomfortable with silence that they will make concessions simply to avoid it. And sometimes the best response to an unreasonable demand is to just say nothing and stare, letting the other party come to the realization themselves. It takes calm confidence to simply be quiet and let the silence fill the room, which can feel surprisingly intimidating.

Eddie Murphy Shut Up GIF by BounceGiphy

"Always listen to your gut, even if you can’t explain it."

Ah, the strange and mysterious sense of intuition that we can't really describe but know when we feel it. Whether it's getting a creepy vibe about a person or a little voice telling you to do or not do something, those "gut instincts" can serve us well. Of course, if we are prone to anxiety, our instincts can sometimes be confused with anxious thoughts, but "go with your gut" is solid advice anyway.

“It doesn’t matter what path you’re on if it’s the wrong mountain.”

Sometimes people trying to find their way end up hitting roadblock after roadblock, which may mean they just haven't found the right path yet or might mean they need an entire overhaul of their life. That might look like switching career paths entirely, rather than trying to find a job in your field that fits. It might mean changing majors in the middle of your studies when you find yourself not enjoying any of your classes. It might mean finding a new community or reevaluating your relationships.

"The harder I work, the luckier I get."

Several sayings line up with this one, like "Luck is the intersection of preparation and opportunity," and "Luck favors the prepared mind." There's a lot to be said for fortune and hard work going hand in hand. If we expect good things to just land in our lap, we will likely be disappointed, but if we move in the direction of things we want to happen and do the work of preparing for good things to come our way, "luck" frequently seems to follow.

Finding a saying that resonates can be really helpful when we're facing a specific challenge in life, especially when we commit it to memory and repeat it often.

This article originally appeared in March.

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Community

Scientists explain why that 'one smell' evokes the most blissful memory

"A single smell may instantaneously evoke a past event in our life."

Canva Photos.

A woman sniffs a flower which evokes memories.

Ever wonder why you might get a trace of a scent and instantly get carried back to a year, a time, a place? (For me, it's Scotch tape. On the rare occasion that I smell it, I'm transported right back to Christmas in the early '80s.)

The brain's olfactory bulb, which processes the sense of smell, has the strongest influence on conjuring up memories. A recent article in Harvard Medicine cites Professor of Neurobiology at Harvard Medical School, Sandeep Robert Datta, saying, “It’s now clear that even though our sense of smell is not as robust as that of a mouse or bloodhound, it is deeply tied to our cognitive centers, our emotional centers, and our memory centers. We’re dependent on it for a sense of well-being and centeredness in the world.”

Once a scent molecule enters the nasal cavity and reaches one of the "smell sensors," it makes a pit stop in the olfactory bulb and gives "information" to the cerebral cortex. In an educational video posted by Britannica, they relay "Since some of these regions are also involved in memory, a single smell may instantaneously evoke a past event in our life."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

McDonough explains further that the information or "signals" then travel "to key areas of the brain involved in learning, emotion, and memory: the olfactory, or piriform cortex, which identifies smells; the amygdala, which is involved in generating emotion; and the hippocampus, which stores and organizes memories."

If our brain has subconsciously made a connection between a smell and something that impacted our memory, it can "store it indefinitely." She shares, "Even decades later, the same scent can bring the memory and emotional salience of the moment flooding back."

Redditors—of which there are nearly eight hundred on this thread alone—jumped to comment on the post, "What's a smell that instantly takes you back to your younger years?" The first comment is very specific: "Hot asphalt. It's immediately summer in the late '70s and I'm either playing 4-Square in the road, or we're at Six Flags."

asphalt, smells, six flags, roller coaster, memory A roller coaster loops around at Six Flags amusement park. Photo by Zachariah Aussi on Unsplash

This got hundreds of upvotes, with one person adding that they especially love the smell of asphalt in the rain. Someone then took the time to respond with the beautiful science behind that exact scent: "That smell is called petrichor and is caused by a terpene called geosmin that is released from the earth after being hit by rain. It’s a Greek word. ‘Petri’ means stone and ‘ichor’ is the golden liquid that flowed through the blood of Gods. So not only is it an amazing smell, it’s also one of the coolest words with a most unique etymology."

Quite a few also mentioned suntan oil. One person even deviously found a way to manipulate their boss, knowing how strongly it evokes memories in so many of us: "When I used to work in an office, I’d put on Coppertone at my desk Friday afternoons when I really wanted to get out early and enjoy nice weather. My boss would smell it and leave around 2 to play golf. (edit: Hawaiian Tropic)"

Along the same lines and also quite popular in the comment section was chlorine. "Chlorine in swimming pools! Not used so often anymore where I live, but back in my grandma's hometown, it's the same as ever!" Another adds how specifically this smell taps into a memory: "Being wrapped in a towel, eating ham and cheese sandwiches with Doritos by the pool was peak childhood."

nostalgia, swimming, chlorine, memory, smellsA young girl swims in a pool. Photo by Mariano Nocetti on Unsplash

So many more chimed in with answers—from freshly cut grass pulling them back through a memory tunnel to an elementary school playground, to the smell of leather reminding them of their Little League baseball team. The glue (which itself seems to trigger past experiences) that binds most of the comments seems to be: sweet memories from childhood.

A few more shared comments for the road:

"Concord grape juice gets me every time."

"A fog machine. Takes me back to the days I worked at Knott's Scary Farm."

And maybe my personal favorite? "Drakkar Noir, baby."

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Planet

45 years ago, Carl Sagan beautifully explained the fourth dimension with just an apple

Sagan was the Mister Rogers of complex scientific concepts.

via Carl Sagan Planetary Society/Wikimedia Commons and John Finkelstein/Pexels

Carl Sagan used a sliced apple to perfectly explain the fourth dimension.

The concept of the fourth dimension seems beyond human comprehension. As three-dimensional beings, we are unable to see beyond a physical object's height, width and depth. What else could there be? Even if you understand the concept, it is almost impossible to picture it in your mind, which is bound by the limits and realities of the physical world around us.

Enter Carl Sagan, revered as one of the greatest science communicators of his time. Perhaps best known for his research into extraterrestrial life, he was one of the first people to demonstrate that life could have existed on Mars. Sagan possessed a unique gift for demystifying complex scientific concepts, making them accessible and thrilling for the general public. If you never had the pleasure of watching him on television, you could imagine him as something of a Scientific Mister Rogers. Friendly, a wonderful storyteller, and always able to distill difficult lessons into their simplest form.

In 1980, on Episode 10 of the groundbreaking PBS show “Cosmos,” Sagan embarked on a mission to explain the seemingly impossible fourth dimension.


carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einsteinA great communicator and handsome, to boot.Giphy

Many of us have commonly heard of time being considered the fourth dimension. That's not so hard to understand — in order to locate an object in the universe, you'd need to know three dimensions of its spatial location and also the time during which it exists.

But there is also a more theoretical and harder to understand place, where all four dimensions are spatial. It is nearly impossible for any of us to comprehend... without the help of a gifted teacher.

What’s excellent about Sagan’s explanation is that he uses simple and relatable objects: an apple and a Tesseract, or a hypercube.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einsteinSagan explains that if an apple existed in a 2-dimensional space, anyone living in this "flatland" would only see a cross-section of it at a time.Giphy

"In discussing the large scale structure of the cosmos, astronomers sometimes say that space is curved. Or that the universe is finite but unbound," Sagan begins. "Whatever are they talking about?"

Yeah, this guy gets it.

Sagan then goes on to explain how a two-dimensional being living in a flat world would perceive a three-dimensional object like an apple.

Watch his full explanation here. It's hypnotic and entertaining and incredibly enlightening.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com


“Imagine we live in this ‘Fllatland’/2-D plane with no concept of ‘up’ or ‘down.’ Then along comes a 3-D object like an apple. We do not even notice it until it crosses our plane of existence — and even then, we have no idea what the apple is,” Sagan explains. “We see only a fragment as it passes through our plane. There is no way we can comprehend the 3-D quality/dimension of the apple, because it is more than we can understand. We only have the evidence of what has passed through our plane.”

To further demonstrate, Sagan stamps the apple into an inkpad and then onto the surface in front of him, which represents Flatland and all of its inhabitants. Inside Flatland, the apple exists only as its points of contact on the paper; or four small dots. He adds that as the apple passes through the 2-dimensional Flatland, its cross-section changes. So someone living in that plane of existence would experience the apple as an ever-shifting and rearranging set of shapes or objects. Wild!

Sagan then related this two-dimensional experience of the third dimension to how we might try to understand the fourth. To do so, he used the Tesseract, a four-dimensional cube, to demonstrate how difficult it is for us to perceive or visualize dimensions beyond our own three.

carl sagan, cosmos ,4th dimension, 3-D, 4-D, 2-D, physics, theoretical physics, math, science, space, spacetime, einsteinA tesseract can not exist in 3-dimensional space, but it can be approximated the same way a cube can be drawn on paper.Giphy

Sagan explains that the tesseract is a cube expanded into a 4th dimension, but "I cannot show you a tesseract because I, and you, are trapped in three dimensions." But what he can do is show us a 3-dimensional rendering of one. Just like a cube can be drawn and approximated (or cast a shadow) onto a piece of paper, a 4-dimensional tesseract can be imperfectly represented in 3-dimensional space. Still following?

At this point, Sagan is asking the viewer to expand their minds to understand the fourth dimension metaphorically. Though we cannot see it or even properly visualize it, that doesn't mean that the things we can see can't offer clues and lessons about the fourth dimension.

Studying 4-dimensional space can help in our understanding of the universe around us. Just because we see and experience only three dimensions doesn't mean that's all that exists. It's critical for physicists and mathematicians to be able to understand and map these theoretical spaces to better comprehend things we otherwise can not explain. Remember the ever-changing, rearranging set of shapes as the apple passes through Flatland?

Sagan’s demonstration of the fourth dimension isn’t just a wonderful explanation of a scientific idea that many of us find difficult to comprehend; it’s also a great example of how to teach complex ideas by combining clear explanations, everyday concepts everyone can understand, and brilliant storytelling.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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How people who hate small talk can learn to enjoy it with a few simple tweaks

One by one, Mark Abrahams tackles the common anxieties and hangups people have about small talk.

Photo credit: Canva

Making small talk can be uncomfortable, but it doesn't have to be.

Some people love to chit chat and find shooting the breeze with strangers an enjoyable activity. Others, not so much. Whether it's due to social anxiety or a general loathing of the whole concept, small talk can be frustrating and annoying to some.

But according to communications expert and Stanford lecturer Mark Abrahams, it doesn't have to be that way. People can not only develop the skills for it, but they can even learn to enjoy small talk with some adjustments to how they engage with it. In his video, "How to Get Good at Small Talk, and Even Enjoy It," Abrahams first challenges the idea that small talk is unimportant.

small talk, conversation, chit chat, talking to new people, chattingMaking conversation doesn't come easily for everyone.Photo credit: Canva

"Small talk, I think, is actually a misnomer," he says. "We refer to small talk as any chit-chat or just conversation that we don't put a lot of import on, when, in fact, small talk is a wonderful way of connecting, bonding, learning, and growing." What makes it hard is that we don't have a script for it. We have to go with whatever's happening in the moment, and we tend to feel like we're being tested.

Abrahams explains that people often think of small talk like a game of tennis, where someone lobs the ball to you and you have to figure out how to return it. In reality, it's more like a game of hacky sack where everyone collaborates toward the shared goal of keeping the sack in the air. Reframing it as a group effort rather than a competition can make small talk more enjoyable and less threatening or scary.

With that mindset, Abrahams offers a series of tips that address people's common concerns and anxieties about making small talk.

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Establish appropriate goals.

"Your goal is to be interested, not interesting," Abrahams says, quoting Rachel Greenwald. "A lot of us go into these situations thinking that we need to be really fascinating, engaging, and interesting, when, in fact, we just need to be present and be interested in the conversation that's happening."

Shifting the spotlight to the other person can help reduce the anxiety we might feel about being judged, Abraham explains.

Give yourself permission to pause.

Silence can feel incredibly awkward in a conversation, but it's better to take the time to think about a response rather than rush to say something just to avoid a pause.

"We have this sense that speed to respond is somehow is associated with competence," Abrahams says. "But really, what reflects best on your competence is an appropriate response. And appropriateness can take a little bit of time."

gif, awkward, conversation, small talk, chit chat, speakingAwkward Andy Samberg GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy

One way to fill the silence while giving yourself time is to paraphrase what the other person just said, which also forces us to listen more closely.

"Most of us listen just enough to get the gist of what somebody's saying, and then we immediately start judging, rehearsing, and responding," says Abrahams. "When I paraphrase, I have to listen super intently. I have to listen to understand—what's the bottom line of what you're saying? That slows me down. And by slowing my own thoughts down and then paraphrasing them, I buy myself some time to really think."

What if you feel like you have nothing smart to say?

Abrahams shares his mother-in-law's three-word trick for keeping small talk going when you have nothing to say: "Tell me more."

"If you are ever in a situation, a communication, a conversation where you don't know what to say, most of the time you could simply say, "Tell me more," or "Give me some more detail," or "What did you mean about that point?" And just by giving the person an opportunity to speak again, that gives you time to find what you might want to say and to connect to it."

small talk, conversation, chit chat, talking to new people, chattingAwkwardness and mistakes happen to everyone. Photo credit: Canva

What if I make a mistake or say something dumb?

Yep, that's going to happen. We all make mistakes sometimes.

"Spontaneous communication is about connection, not perfection," says Abrahams. He suggests thinking of turns in conversation as "takes," like in filming. If you make a mistake, just do another take. No big deal.

What if my problem is that I have too much to say?

While some of us clam up during small talk conversations because we can't think of anything to say, some people have the opposite problem of going on for too too long.

"My mother has this wonderful saying," Abrahams says. "I know she didn't create it, but it's 'Tell me the time, don't build me the clock.'" In other words, be concise and to the point. "Many of us are clock-builders in these spontaneous speaking situations. And we have to remind ourselves when we start speaking just tell the time."

small talk, conversation, chit chat, talking to new people, talking too much, boring conversation"Tell me the time, don't build me the clock."Photo credit: Canva

What tools can I use if none of this is natural to me?

Abrahams says that thinking of a structure for what you're saying can be helpful. One structure he recommends is What? So what? Now what?

"The what is your idea, your product, your service, your belief," Abrahams explains. "The so what is why is it important to the person or people you're talking to? And then now what is what comes next. How do I get the conversation started?"

You can use this structure to frame something you're saying or as a series of questions to get conversation going.

"If I'm engaging you in conversation I can say, 'Hey, what brings you here? That's the what. When you answer, I can say, 'Oh, why is that important, or why do you find that interesting?' That's the so what. And then after that, I can ask a question like, 'Oh, so what more are you going to do, or what are you going to do next, or do you want to join me and go over here?'"

As with anything else, small talk takes practice, but eventually it becomes easier.


small talk, conversation, chit chat, talking to new people, starting a conversationStart a conversation by noting an observation in the environment.Photo credit: Canva

How do I get the conversation started?

There are the standards, like "How are you?" or "What brings you here?" but Abrahams says he likes to tie conversation openers to something relevant to the immediate situation, even if it's just an observation.
"Just the other day, I was in a situation for small talk and the very first thing I did, I came up to somebody I didn't know and I said, 'This is amazing to me. There are more people in this room wearing blue shirts than I think I've seen in a long time.' And the person said, 'You know what? You're right. That's really interesting.' And all of a sudden the conversation was off and running. All I did was notice something in the environment."

How do I end the conversation (gracefully)?

Getting out of a conversation can sometimes be harder than starting one. Abrahams suggests the "white flag" technique. In car racing, when the last lap comes around, someone waves a white flag to let racers know it's their last lap. In conversation, this can look like a signal that you're going to need to end the conversation just a bit before you actually do.

small talk, conversation, chit chat, talking to new people, talking, ending a conversationHow to gracefully bow out of a conversation.Photo credit: Canva

"You say, I need to go in a moment, but—and this is where you ask one last question, provide one last bit of feedback. So you continue the conversation on for a little bit. It might sound something like this: 'I need to get going because there's some friends over there I need to meet. But before I go, I want to just a little bit more about that trip you were telling me about to Hawaii.' And together, you can draw the conversation to an end rather than you abruptly saying, 'Oh, I need to go to the bathroom.' Or, 'Wow, that looks like good food over there.'"

It may take some time and practice, but small talk doesn't have to be torturous, especially when you know it doesn't have to be perfect.

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Daughter of Clemson's president 'sacks' him during graduation ceremony. And it was perfect.

"Apparently I need to get back in the gym and start lifting weights more!"

TODAY/Youtube

Clemson University president Jim Clements receives hug of a lifetime from daughter Grace at graduation.

College graduation is a milestone moment for graduates and parents alike. For Clemson University president Jim Clements and his daughter Grace, it was an experience that they will remember for a lifetime thanks to a genuine moment of joy shared on the graduation stage.

President Clements got to present Grace with her diploma during the ClemsonLIFE graduation ceremony on May 8, 2025. ClemsonLIFE is a program for students with intellectual disabilities that counts Tanner Smith from Netflix'sLove on the Spectrum as an alum.

After Grace's name was called during the ceremony, she joyfully ran and jumped into her father's arms–sacking him to the ground as smiles and cheers went up from the crowd. "ClemsonLIFE teaches independence, job skills…and apparently, how to sack a university president. #DadDown #BestGraduationEver #AmazingGrace," President Clements captioned the video.

On the ground, Clements smiles and helps Grace up as they embrace. The two quickly recover and stand up, and Clements gives Grace a kiss on the forehead and turns her toward the crowd to take in the applause. He then gives her a big bear hug and pats her on the back before she continues to walk the stage.

During the commencement speech, President Clements said, "Grace, I'm so incredibly proud of you and all the other ClemsonLIFE graduates. And apparently I need to get back in the gym and start lifting weights more!"

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

In an interview with TODAY, President Clements shared, "It was pure joy, total and complete happiness, to see this girl, our beautiful daughter, run across the stage and literally leap into my arms. It was magical."

However, Grace quipped during the interview, "You missed me!" President Clements replied while laughing, "I did miss you, I missed you, but then when we fell, we helped each other up. And I wanted to turn her to the audience and let everyone see how beautiful and amazing she is. Then, I wanted to give her a big huge hug to let her know how much I love her,."

In another touching Instagram post, he shared, "Amazing Grace walked the stage and I hit the turf! And I wouldn’t change a thing. Watching all that Grace has accomplished during her time with ClemsonLIFE is one of the greatest joys of my life. I can’t wait to see what she achieves next."

The emotional video and photos from the graduation ceremony captured hearts and made tears flow for viewers.

"This is why I love my school. This was a daddy/daughter moment not her and the president. Such a sweet moment. I love how he went with it and how proud he is! 🧡💜," one wrote.

"Such a genuine moment!! Love everything about this and all the work that Clemson Life does!! Amazing!! 💜🧡" said another.

And one touched viewer shared, "Is there a limit on how many times you can watch a video?! This is the most amazing Grace/Daddy (aka Pres Clements) moment I’ve ever seen! It will go down in Clemson history. Congratulations, Grace! God bless you, Mom and Dad! God is good. 😭🧡💜"

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