Welcome to “A Song of Nice and Fire” Upworthy’s weekly series recapping one of the most brutal shows on TV. Since brutality is not really in our wheelhouse, Eric March has taken it upon himself to dig deep, twist and turn, and squint really hard to see if he can find the light of kindness in all the darkness. He may not always succeed, but by gosh if he won’t try his best.
Here’s what he found on this week’s "Game of Thrones."
To think just last week, the characters on this show were curing fatal diseases, caressing each other tenderly, and trading pie recipes.
About that. Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.
Back to reality, I guess.
In an episode that saw handful of fan favorite (and decidedly non-favorite) characters outmaneuvered, boxed in, and poisoned, I'll admit there really wasn't much loving kindness to go around.
Still, it's my job to find whatever glimmer of niceness there is, and because I like my health plan, I reached way down deep and found ... some very nice moments in season seven, episode three of "Game of Thrones."
OK, really, really, really deep.
Here goes.
1. Sansa makes sure her knights are warm 'n cozy!
"No, I haven't read Reinhold Niebuhr, what does he have to say about neo-orthodox realist theology?" Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.
With Jon gone having his dire warnings laughed off and his boat curiously appropriated, would Sansa rise to the challenge of leading the North?
Unsurprisingly, yeah, duh.
At rise this week, we find her striding through Winterfell serving orders to the castle's various similar-looking maesters, making sure the hay goes where it needs to go and, most importantly, getting her southern palls to strap leather on their armor so they don't freeze to death.
Look at those leadership skills blossoming!
Of course, she still has to endure Littlefinger's incessant monologuing. "Every possible series of events is happening all at once," he says, reminding Sansa that, yes, he is taking that freshman philosophy seminar and, yes, he did do all the reading this week.
This is really your game, guy?
I mean...
Ugh.
It's going to work, isn't it?
2. Some random Ironborn dudes are kind enough to hoist Theon out of the sea!
Oh good, Theon gets to keep on living!
Theon and Yara, seen here in happier times. Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.
A gaggle of clanky boatsmen do the erstwhile heir to the Iron Islands a solid by not just sailing by and letting him drown. They do manage to insult him in the process, but even still, it's more than Theon deserves.
His Uncle Euron, meanwhile, gets a parade down the one street in King's Landing we all know ... and sister Yara gets to join for free! Unfortunately, she has to endure it from the cheap seats where you get rotten vegetables hurled at you. After a long journey, though, maybe it was nice to briefly sniff a decaying tomato or two?
I'd go for it.
3. Cersei allows herself to briefly experience empathy!
"Even though we're enemies, you and I, I understand the fury that drives you."
That line, delivered to a shackled and gagged Ellaria Sand, clocks in at precisely two seconds — the longest sustained appreciation Cersei has ever expressed for another human being's perspective.
Just thinkin' up ways to torture you. Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.
Yes, the very next thing she does is condemn Tyene to a painful death of unknown duration and Ellaria to hanging out with her dead daughter's corpse for weeks or years or decades, but hey! I got Cersei on this week's list of nice moments. Cersei! I didn't even have to cheat.
Oh, and sub-nice thing shoutout to Davids Benioff and Weiss for choosing not to subject us to another implied, gratuitous rape-and-torture-by-Mountain. The scene was clearly, totally headed there until all of a sudden it wasn't and, well ... phew! Good call, everyone.
4. Daenerys treats Jon to an all-you-can-mine obsidian buffet!
The dragon's share of the episode is taken up by a long-winded meeting between Jon Snow and his Aunt Dany (here's the long-speculated, Bran-affirmed family tree from last season's finale) who, strangely, is skeptical about this whole "White Walker" thing despite giving birth to three flying, fire-breathing, sky dinosaurs like, last week. Perhaps it's because she's skeptical of the messenger — the beardy guy with the wolf snuggie who calls himself "king" and won't pledge his allegiance despite the dozens (hundreds) of curvy blades within torso-piercing range.
Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.
Still, the would-be queen needs allies, and so, after apologizing for the time her dad napalmed Jon's grandpa and uncle to death, she tells him to help himself to all the dragonglass he wants and get the heck out.
Sure, she doesn't want the stuff or even really know what it is, but she can tell the guy is earnest, and besides, you gotta respect anyone who comes so far south with a dead animal on their neck.
That's just fashion-forward.
5. Jamie kills Olenna the nice way!
"Oh, one more thing real quick." Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.
The bad news? Cersei manages to foil Tyrion's too-clever-by-half sewer invasion plan by sending the bulk of her army to murder an old lady.
The good news? Jaime is the one who gets to do the murdering, and as a certified Reformed Bad Guy in Good Standing, he lets the Queen of Thorns take the (relatively) easy way out.
In a world in which revenge killing typically consists of beheading, flaying alive, hungry dog-siccing, stabbing-through-the-pregnant-belly, and/or slow neck slicing after force-feeding the blissfully-unaware-condemned his own relatives, a quick, painless poison-in-the-wine counts as a win.
Even when the elder Tyrell lets it slip that she killed Jaime's kid way back in season four, he chooses to sullen himself out of the room rather than revert to Cersei's original head-slicing plan.
Score one for that famous Lannister restraint!
Random Acts of Niceness
- I suppose it's nice that Bran complimented Sansa's dress, but did he really have to bring up her wedding day? Yeah, he wasn't around for the aftermath, but dude is all-knowing and all-seeing. Come on.
- It's cool that Archmaester Ebrose doesn't expel Sam from the Citadel. As long as the Xerox machine is up and running, Sam should be all good.
- Jaime Lannister actually sends his regards to Robb Stark. Nice of him not to hold grudges.
Whew. That was a stretch, y'all!
See you next week when hopefully someone picks Grey Worm up in a Jeep, Bronn stitches Randyll Tarly a lanyard for his broadsword, and Varys makes a friend who doesn't run around vaguely forecasting his doom. Should be fun!
A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons
An office kitchen.via 
An angry man eating spaghetti.via 
An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.