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Family

My children have never been punished for their behavior and they're still good kids

No, the kids aren't running amuck and in charge of my home.

parenting; motherhood; fatherhood; consequences; punishment
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

My children have never been punished and here's why.

Childrearing is always a touchy topic, and with the rise of newer parenting techniques like gentle parenting and free-range parenting, people get passionate about their techniques. To be fair, parenting is a very personal journey and every parent out there will parent differently than the next. In fact, even within the same household, each child is parented differently when they have the same exact parents.

This is because as parents we are constantly learning what works and what doesn't. We're also learning that each child has a different personality and needs a different approach. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, but there are some evidence-based practices that have been proven to work well as a guide for your personal style.

When I first started having children a little over 20 years ago, my family had a lot of opinions about my parenting style because there was no "punishment" for unwanted behaviors. It seemed like a foreign concept back then, and it still feels foreign now to some people. But the truth is, my children have never experienced punishment at my hand.

When my children were younger, I had grown accustomed to defending the way I parented them, and while it was a source of frustration, it didn't change the way I approached the task. I had an advantage that not every parent has when raising children–I was in college for my bachelor's degree in child development and family relations when I was raising my first child, and I graduated when my second was six months old. I essentially had an inside scoop on how kids' brains worked and the best approach to interact with them.

This is the reason I steered away from punishment and focused instead on natural and logical consequences. I view punishment as something unrelated to the behavior. Sometimes the punishment can be a child being grounded because they failed a test, or time-out for swearing. Obviously, there are more severe punishments as well, like corporal punishment or the newer trend of public humiliation via social media. (For instance, recently a mom posted a video to TikTok showing her running over her young child's television because he was misbehaving in school.)

boy in gray long sleeve shirt pouring sauce in pan

My children have never been punished and here's why

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Natural consequences always happen on their own without much parental intervention, while logical consequences are typically enforced by the parent. Natural consequences are usually predictable, and as long as your kid is in no immediate danger, then it's usually safe to let them play out.

Here's an example: When my daughter was 4 or 5 years old, she was playing outside with some friends and had taken her shoes off in front of our backyard swing set and left them there. This was a Saturday and she had P.E. on Tuesday. I gave her multiple reminders to pick up her shoes along with the warning that her shoes would be gross if she left them outside.

She continued to live her best life going to dance, school and having playdates all while she ignored my advice to pick up her shoes. When P.E. day rolled around, she happily ran outside to grab her tennis shoes and promptly screamed and ran back into the house. Her shoes were filled with slugs and spider webs, so she was unable to wear them to school and had to go in jelly shoes. This was a natural consequence for the action and not a punishment.

But what is a logical consequence? I've got an example of that too, and yes, these are all real things that have taken place, though this one isn't nearly as dramatic. My youngest is supposed to be in bed by 8 PM and lights out by 8:30 every evening, but he likes to get really silly before bedtime and wants to find ways to play more before going to bed. We inform him that all of the extra play is taking away from his television time in his room because no matter what, the television goes off at 8:30. If he wastes his "TV time," it's upsetting, but it's not a punishment.

I have found that allowing for natural and logical consequences has given my children the ability to think critically for themselves in difficult situations. One of my four kids is now an adult and two of them are teens, and they information seek through me or Google when making certain decisions for themselves. I've never shielded them from safe natural and logical consequences even when they were painful to watch, like failing a grade or gossiping behind a good friend's back.

Have I made mistakes as a parent? Absolutely. I'm not perfect and neither are my children, but from an early age, they saw me as someone to help guide them as they made their own choices. This aided them in achieving confidence in their decision-making abilities.

Every parenting style isn't for every parent or every child. This is what has worked for me, but people should do what works best for their families to raise well-rounded and kind future adults.

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parenting
Family

Psychologist shares 15-second trick to make kids of any age less rude and more cooperative

All it takes is a single question.

via Hunter Johnson/Unsplash

A child being rude.

Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don't you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time?

Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone.

Dr. Beckly got into psychology after growing up with anorexia as a teenager.

“Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video with over 32,000 views. “Find your child today and ask them this question. 'Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?'”

The psychologist says that even if the child has a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ‘til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” just to listen. Simply by listening, you can change your child’s behavior.

She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?”

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. 

@drbeckyatgoodinside

Want to improve your relationship with your kid in less than 15 seconds? Watch this reel for a quick-win strategy. The best part: When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids. Of course, I’m a realist… I know you need in-the-moment strategies too! Cue: My Conquering Problem Behaviors Workshop. You’ll get an entire toolbox of in-the-moment and outside-the-moment strategies for reducing outbursts and strengthening your bond with your kid. Learn more in the link in bio!

“I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I'm invested in this relationship.”

This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You're building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video.

The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they will be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner.

Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” Collette wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” Mark Amend added.

Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is a pound of cure.

Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote.


This article originally appeared on 6.6.24

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Best menopause supplements: 5 top products for hot flashes, night sweats, and more

Find relief with these top-rated supplements for managing menopause symptoms naturally

Menopause can cause a variety of unpleasant symptoms, but the best menopause supplements can provide serious relief. Whether you're struggling with night sweats, hot flashes, mood swings, or all of the above, supplements can be an effective, natural alternative to hormone replacement therapy.

We understand your need for high-quality ingredients and expert formulations. We recommend these high-quality products to help manage menopause symptoms.

Best Menopause Supplements

  1. Best Overall Menopause Supplement: Cornbread CBD Sleep Gummies
  2. Best Way to Absorb Vitamin D for Mood Swings: BIOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough Drink
  3. Best Traditional Chinese Medicine for Libido: Beam Drive
  4. Best Black Cohosh for Hot Flashes: Aura Essential Menopause Gummy
  5. Best for Pre-Menopause Symptoms: Ladywell Daily Hormone Balance Bundle

Are dietary supplements safe?

Dietary supplements are safe if the ingredients they contain, like omega 3 fatty acids, are safe. However, evaluate the safety and efficacy of the active ingredients of your chosen supplements, and always ask your doctor first. Also, check that the supplement has been lab-tested and found free of common contaminants, like heavy metals and mold spores.

Best Menopause Supplements

1. Best Overall Menopause Supplement: Cornbread CBD Sleep Gummies


How Well It Works:

Although research about the effectiveness of CBD on menopause symptomsis limited, the sleep-supporting benefits of CBD are well-known. Better sleep often reduces menopause symptoms. Cornbread CBD Sleep Gummies are some of the best on the market. Enhanced with chamomile, reviewers say they effectively support sleep, mental health, and physical health during menopause.

Pros:

  • USDA Organic
  • Third-party lab tested
  • Made with relaxing chamomile and valerian root

Cons:

  • Contains THC

Specs:

  • Size: 30 gummies per jar
  • Key Ingredient(s): CBD, THC, chamomile, lavender, and valerian

Learn more about Cornbread CBD Sleep Gummies today.


2. Best Way to Absorb Vitamin D for Mood Swings: BIOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough Drink


How Well It Works:

Women who struggle with mood swings find BIOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough very helpful in managing this and their other menopausal symptoms. This powdered supplement contains eight types of magnesium to help calm your mind, support bone health, and promote better sleep. Magnesium helps your body absorb more vitamin D, which in turn can alleviate menopausal symptoms. Reviewers love the flavor of this vegetarian powder, which is sweetened with natural Katemfe fruit extract.

Pros:

  • Comes in three fruity flavors
  • Vegetarian, organic, and sugar-free
  • Made in the U.S.

Cons:

  • Some customers find it too sweet

Specs:

  • Size: 156 g per jar
  • Key Ingredient(s): Magnesium Proprietary Blend

Learn more about BIOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough today


3. Best Traditional Chinese Medicine for Libido: Beam Drive


How Well It Works:

Women who struggle with low libido, vaginal dryness, and related menopausal symptoms find Beam Drive helpful. This encapsulated supplement is a natural alternative to hormone replacement therapy. It's formulated with maca root (studies suggest it may balance estrogen levels in menopausal women). Reviewers note increased libido within weeks. Post-menopausal women also benefit from this complementary and integrative health supplement.

Pros:

  • Suitable for men and women
  • Vegan and gluten-free
  • Made with natural herbs

Cons:

  • Results can take several weeks to develop fully

Specs:

  • Size: 60 capsules per jar
  • Key Ingredient(s): Organic Maca Root Powder, L-Arginine, Epimedium, Saw Palmetto Extract, Longjack, and Shilajit

Learn more about Beam Drive today


4. Best Black Cohosh for Hot Flashes: Aura Essential Menopause Gummy


How Well It Works:

The Aura Essential Menopause Gummy is a clean, all-natural choice for hot flashes. These gummies are made with black cohosh and chasteberry, the most common herbs for easing hot flashes and balancing estrogen levels. Reviewers note feeling physically and mentally comfortable after a few days of taking them.

Pros:

  • Made with U.S.-sourced ingredients
  • Fast-acting
  • Vegan and Cruelty-Free

Cons:

  • Strong herbal aftertaste

Specs:

  • Size: 60 gummies per jar
  • Key Ingredient(s): Magnolia Bark Extract, Black Cohosh, Chasteberry Extract

Learn more about Aura Essential Menopause Gummy today


5. Best for Pre-Menopause Symptoms: Ladywell Daily Hormone Balance Bundle


How Well It Works:

To ease initial menopausal symptoms, try Ladywell Daily Hormone Balance Bundle. It comes with Daily Hormone Balance capsules and an adaptogenic latte mix. Made with functional mushrooms, B vitamins, and herbs, this bundle may reduce hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, and other menopausal symptoms.

Pros:

  • Formulated with clinically proven ingredients
  • Plant-based and natural
  • No artificial flavors or fillers

Cons:

  • Only available in one flavor

Specs:

  • Size: Capsules: 60 capsules per jar; Latte Mix: 8 ounces per bag
  • Key Ingredient(s): Ashwagandha, Shatavari, Chasteberry, Wild Yam, Dong Quai, Black Cohosh, Saffron, B Vitamins, and Amino Acids

Learn more about the Ladywell Daily Hormone Balance Bundle today


How To Find The Best Dietary Supplements for Your Menopausal Symptoms

Our top factors to consider when shopping for supplements to ease menopause symptoms:

  • Ingredients: Evaluate active ingredients to determine whether it’s been clinically shown to ease menopausal symptoms.
  • Lab-Testing: Has the product been lab-tested for purity and potencyto ensure it’s safe?
  • Reported Effects: Do reviewers report experiencing the benefits you're most interested in?
  • Company Policies: The best supplements to reduce menopause symptoms come from companies with good customer service and excellent guarantees.

Potential Benefits of Taking Menopause Supplements

  • Fewer Hot Flashes: Better temperature regulation, day and night.
  • Steady Moods: Balance mood swings and prevent irritability.
  • Better Sleep: Improved sleep leads to fewer menopausal symptoms.
  • Bone Health: Supplements withmagnesium, calcium, and vitamin D significantly help maintain healthy bones.
  • Overall Wellness: Some supplements may protect against breast cancer and heart disease.

Potential Side Effects of Taking Menopause Supplements

  • Nausea: If you experience nausea, try taking your supplement with a snack.
  • Drowsiness: Ingredients likeCBD andAshwagandha make some people tired.
  • Headaches: Some women have minor headaches when adapting to a new supplement.

FAQs

Can I take menopause supplements with other medication?

Maybe. If you take other medications for your menopausal symptoms, check with your doctor before taking supplements.

How often should I take menopause supplements?

Most supplements for menopausal symptoms are designed to be taken once a day; check each supplement label for dosage instructions.

Finding The Best Menopause Supplements for You

If you've been struggling with menopausal symptoms, the supplements featured here can help. We have confidence in the products recommended here, and hope they bring you relief from hot flashes and more.

Related Content

Family

13 comics use 'science' to hilariously illustrate the frustrations of parenting.

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

All images by Jessica Ziegler

Kids grab everywhere.


Norine Dworkin-McDaniel's son came home from school one day talking about Newton's first law of motion.

He had just learned it at school, her son explained as they sat around the dinner table one night. It was the idea that "an object at rest will remain at rest until acted on by an external force."

"It struck me that it sounded an awful lot like him and his video games," she joked.

A writer by trade and always quick to turn a phrase, Norine grabbed a pen and scribbled some words:

"Newton's First Law of Parenting: A child at rest will remain at rest ... until you need your iPad back."

And just like that, she started creating "The Science of Parenthood," a series that names and identifies hilarious, universal parenting struggles. She put in a quick call to her friend Jessica Ziegler, a visual and graphics expert, and together the two set out to bring the project to life.

Here are some of their discoveries:

1. Newton's first law of parenting

parents, babies, parenthood

A taste of the “gimmies."

2. The sleep geometry theorem

teenagers, science of parenthood, science

There’s plenty of room.

3. The baby fluids effusion rule

baby fluids, adults, babies

Duck.

4. The carnival arc

avoidance, county fair, town

Can we go?

5. The Archimedes bath-time principle

bath time, bubbles, clean up

Clean up the clean up.

6. Schrödinger's backpack

homework, school, responsibility

Homework... ehh.

7. The naptime disruption theorem

naps, doorbells, sleep deprivation

Who needs sleep. It’s rhetorical.

8. Calculation disintegration

math, education, calculator

I have a calculator on my phone.

9. Chuck e-conomics

economics, resources, toys

How much does that cost?

10. Plate tectonics

food, picky eaters, fussy eaters

Where’s the chicken tenders?

11. Silicaphobia

beach, sand, vacation

Oh good, sunburns.

12. Delusions of launder

laundry, chores, home utilities

When did we get all these clothes?

13. The Costco contradiction

Costco, name brands, comic

I want them now, not then.

Norine and Jessica's work struck a nerve with parents everywhere.

Norine said almost every parent who sees the cartoons has a similar reaction: a quiet moment of recognition, followed by a huge laugh as they recognize their own families in the illustrations.

But is there more to it than just getting a few chuckles? You bet, Norine and Jessica said.

"Even, at the worst possible moments, you're standing there, your child has just vomited all over you, or you've opened up the diaper and your kid is sitting waist deep in liquid ****. Even at that moment, it's not really that bad," Norine said. "You will be able to laugh at this at some point."

"It gets better. You're not alone in this parenting thing."


This article originally appeared on 11.30.16

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Health

Longevity test: If you can hang from a bar this long, you’re likely to live longer

Hang time is a great measurement of overall health.

via Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels and Dinielle De Veyra/Pexels

A man and a woman doing dead hangs.

Would you really want to know how long you have to live? On one hand, it’d probably inspire you to go out and complete your bucket list. On the other, it may be depressing to know just how many days you have left.

Well, science has yet to discover a way to determine the average person's life expectancy. However, some indicators can show whether someone is in danger of having their life cut short by deteriorating health.

A study published by Clinical Interventions in Aging in 2019 determined that handgrip strength can be a reliable proxy for how long one has to live. One of the best ways to judge handgrip strength is to time how long you can hang from a bar. To test your grip strength, find yourself a pull-up bar, whether at a gym or local park, take a deep breath and start hanging.

The study found that 30 seconds is a good target for women and 60 is an excellent goal for men. Therefore, if you go longer than the goal, you’re looking at a long life. But if you can’t quite get there, your life may be shorter than you’d like.



Dr. Peter Attia believes that grip strength is a great way to determine one’s overall health.

“It's just a great proxy for overall body strength and muscle mass, but I think it's also a very functional form of strength,” he said on “The Drive” podcast. “Basically, everything in your upper body is mediated through your hands. And if your grip is weak, everything Downstream of that is weak. When you watch someone, who's got a weak grip deadlifting. It's very difficult for them to deadlift correctly because they don't create a proper wedge.

Doctors Eve M. Glazier and Elizabeth Ko at UCLA Health say poor grip strength is connected to numerous diseases. “Research continues to link a decline in grip strength to a range of adverse health issues, including heart disease, arthritis, osteoporosis, Type 2 diabetes and certain cancers. It has also been found to be a predictor of the likelihood of post-surgical complications, post-surgical recovery time and mortality,” they wrote on the UCLA Health blog.

Weight can also significantly affect how long a person can hang from a bar. So don’t lighter people have an unfair advantage advantage than those on the heavier side? Well, weight is also an important indicator of longevity. A study published in Aging Cell found a direct correlation between increased body mass and decreased longevity.



The good news for people who didn’t quite make their hang time goal is that you can improve it by practicing dead hangs.

How to perform a dead hang (according to Healthline):

  • Use a secure overhead bar. Use a step or bench to reach the bar with your arms easily. You don’t want to jump straight into a dead hang.
  • Grip the bar with an overhand grip (palms facing away from you). Aim to keep your arms shoulder-width apart.
  • Move your feet off the step or bench so you’re hanging on to the bar.
  • Keep your arms straight and stay relaxed.
  • If you’re new to the exercise, hang for 10 seconds. Then, work your way up to 45 seconds to 1 minute at a time.
  • Slowly step back onto the step or bench before releasing your arms. Repeat up to 3 times if you wish.





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longevity
Family

'Sleep training' is a heated debate in the parenting world. It shouldn't be.

Any parent who takes a definitive stance on sleep training needs to understand a few things.

Photo by RDNE Stock project/Pexels

Parents debate whether it's wrong to sleep train babies.

Welcoming a new baby to the world is a wonderful but daunting experience, and no matter how much you try to prepare, there will always be something you aren't fully prepared for.

For many parents, that thing is lack of sleep.

You can hear parents talk about exhaustion and sleep deprivation and still be wholly unprepared for what a baby who isn't a great sleeper does to to your psyche. It's no surprise that many parents turn to parenting books and "experts" to try to figure out how to get their babies to sleep, which is where the idea of "sleep training" comes in.

Sleep training is a broad term for teaching or training a baby to go to sleep (or back to sleep) without needing to be soothed by a parent or other caregiver. There are many sleep training methods that range from fairly common sense to borderline abuse, which is one reason it seems to spark big debates between parents. Everyone's talking about a different method when they defend or vilify sleep training.

Sleep training usually involves letting a baby fuss or cry for some length of time, which some see as problematic because of research on the importance of responding to babies' cries. Others say that a little crying is a small price to pay because it's healthier in the long run for baby and parents to get good sleep.

Of course, there's a huge difference between "crying or fussing for a few minutes" and "wailing and screaming with no end in sight," and that's where the big disconnect comes in. For some parents, sleep training entails the former, and it works, so they swear by it. For others, it entails the latter, and it's a nightmare, so they think it's horrible.

There's also a huge difference between "I'd love it if my baby would sleep all night without waking" and "I think I might die if I don't get a 4-hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep." Desperation makes many parents who might not love the idea of sleep training to give it a go.

I have some personal experience with this. My first baby wasn't a great sleeper. I remember thinking, at six weeks postpartum, "There's no way a person can survive on this little sleep." I adored my baby, but the sleep deprivation from waking up several times a night for weeks on end felt like literal torture.

She started sleeping through the night when she was a few months old, but that didn't last long. Teething happened. Then crawling happened. It seemed like just when she'd get into a nice sleep routine, some milestone would throw us right back to waking up and crying multiple times a night. She slept in our room next to our bed, so it was easy enough to nurse her back to sleep, but it was still night after night of disrupted sleep.

I was desperate to try something, but I wasn't keen on the idea of sleep training. It's a natural instinct to respond to your baby's cries, so walking away didn't feel right. One book had suggested leaving the baby in their crib to cry by themselves and not pick them up no matter what. If they got so upset that they threw up, you were just to clean them up and do the same thing again. Um, no thank you.

But I had heard other parents say they tried different sleep training methods that involved leaving them to cry for just a few minutes, going in to pat/comfort them, leaving them again for a little longer, and going back and forth until they eventually fall asleep. I read so many parents say something like, "It took like 15 minutes of fussing for them to fall asleep the first night, 5 minutes the second and after that they just went right to sleep and didn't wake up until morning!"

baby sleeping If only all babies slept this peacefully.Photo by Yan Krukau/Pexels

That sounded reasonable. So I tried it, a couple of times.

It went nothing like how those parents described. Not even close.

First of all, my baby did not "fuss." It was full-on crying, wailing and screaming with snot and drool involved. Secondly, there was no patting her to calm her down—she would only calm down if I picked her up. Third, the wailing when I left the room didn't ever subside, it only got worse and worse. I felt like I was torturing my baby and it was breaking my mama heart, so we gave it up.

I have no doubt that those parents were telling the truth about how sleep training worked with their child. It just absolutely did not work that way with mine.

That baby is now 24 and has slept in her own bed all night for over two decades. My other two kids had their own sleep personalities as babies—one of them super easy and the other more like my first. I didn't do anything different to make them that way—it's just how they were. It was hard sometimes. We co-slept as needed. It all worked out in the end.

There are a few things I know for sure after parenting three kids and talking with countless other parents:

1) Every baby, child and family is different and what works for one won't necessarily work for another. As long as no one is actually being abused or neglected, do what works for your kid and your family.

2) Anyone who offers definitive, one-size-fits-all advice on any part of parenting is flat-out wrong. One size most definitely does not fit all.

3) Sleep is important, but unless you've slept a night in their bed, don't judge a parent for how they choose to handle sleep with their baby. What's right for you may not be right for them.

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