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The Onion filed a Supreme Court brief. It's both hilariously serious and seriously hilarious.

Who else could call the judiciary 'total Latin dorks' while making a legitimate point?

the onion supreme court

The Onion's Supreme Court brief uses parody to defend parody.

Political satire and parody have been around for at least 2,400 years, as ancient Greek playwright Aristophanes satirized the way Athenian leaders conducted the Peloponnesian War and parodied the dramatic styles of his contemporaries, Aeschylus and Euripides.

Satire and parody are used to poke fun and highlight issues, using mimicry and sarcasm to create comedic biting commentary. No modern outlet has been more prolific on this front than The Onion, and the popular satirical news site is defending parody as a vital free speech issue in a legal filing with the U.S. Supreme Court.

The filing is, as one might expect from The Onion, as brilliantly hilarious as it is serious, using the same satirical style it's defending in the crafting of the brief itself.


The Onion filed its amicus brief in support of Anthony Novak, a man who was arrested for and prosecuted for parodying the Parma, Ohio, police department on Facebook. Citing a law against disrupting police operations, the police searched Novak's apartment, seized his electronics and put him in jail, where he spent four days before making bail. After a jury acquitted him of all criminal charges, he subsequently filed a civil lawsuit against the police for violating his First and Fourth Amendment rights. However, a federal appeals court threw out the lawsuit, ruling that the officers had "qualified immunity," which protects government officials from being sued for unconstitutional infringements.

The Onion is petitioning for a writ of certiorari, asking the Supreme Court to review the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals' decision to toss out Novak's civil rights suit. As NPR points out, one primary question in this case is whether people reasonably believed Novak's Facebook page, which used the department's real name and photo but had a satirical slogan ("We no crime."), to be the department's real page.

The Onion argues that such ambiguity and potential confusion is exactly the point of parody. But the way the argument is made—using satire and parody to defend satire and parody—is making headlines.

The 23-page amicus brief can be read in full here, but let's look at some of the highlights:

First, the description of The Onion itself:

"The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events. Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.

"In addition to maintaining a towering standard of excellence to which the rest of the industry aspires, The Onion supports more than 350,000 full- and parttime journalism jobs in its numerous news bureaus and manual labor camps stationed around the world, and members of its editorial board have served with distinction in an advisory capacity for such nations as China, Syria, Somalia, and the former Soviet Union. On top of its journalistic pursuits, The Onion also owns and operates the majority of the world’s transoceanic shipping lanes, stands on the nation’s leading edge on matters of deforestation and strip mining, and proudly conducts tests on millions of animals daily."

It's clear to a reasonable mind that they're not being serious here. And yet, this description is being filed in a real Supreme Court filing, setting the stage for the entire argument of how parody works.

"Put simply, for parody to work, it has to plausibly mimic the original," the brief states. "The Sixth Circuit’s decision in this case would condition the First Amendment’s protection for parody upon a requirement that parodists explicitly say, up-front, that their work is nothing more than an elaborate fiction. But that would strip parody of the very thing that makes it function. The Onion cannot stand idly by in the face of a ruling that threatens to disembowel a form of rhetoric that has existed for millennia, that is particularly potent in the realm of political debate, and that, purely incidentally, forms the basis of The Onion’s writers’ paychecks."

The writer of the brief clearly wasn't going to let the opportunity to demonstrate the comedic nature of satire to pass simply because this was an actual legal document being filed before the highest court in the land, nor was he going to spare the judiciary from being the object of said comedy.

It took some gumption to write this paragraph, but oh gracious is it perfection. While arguing that parody functions by tricking people into thinking it's real, the brief states:

"Tu stultus es. You are dumb. These three Latin words have been The Onion’s motto and guiding light since it was founded in 1988 as America’s Finest News Source, leading its writers toward the paper’s singular purpose of pointing out that its readers are deeply gullible people. The Onion’s motto is central to this brief for two important reasons. First, it’s Latin. And The Onion knows that the federal judiciary is staffed entirely by total Latin dorks: They quote Catullus in the original Latin in chambers. They sweetly whisper 'stare decisis' into their spouses’ ears. They mutter 'cui bono' under their breath while picking up after their neighbors’ dogs. So The Onion knew that, unless it pointed to a suitably Latin rallying cry, its brief would be operating far outside the Court’s vernacular."

Just jaw-droppingly irreverent, and yet immediately following is a totally cogent and reasoned argument about the nature of parody, complete with citations and footnotes:

"The second reason—perhaps mildly more important—is that the phrase 'you are dumb' captures the very heart of parody: tricking readers into believing that they’re seeing a serious rendering of some specific form—a pop song lyric, a newspaper article, a police beat—and then allowing them to laugh at their own gullibility when they realize that they’ve fallen victim to one of the oldest tricks in the history of rhetoric. See San Francisco Bay Guardian, Inc. v. Super. Ct., 21 Cal. Rptr. 2d 464, 466 (Ct. App. 1993) ('[T]he very nature of parody . . . is to catch the reader off guard at first glance, after which the ‘victim’ recognizes that the joke is on him to the extent that it caught him unaware.').

"It really is an old trick. The word 'parody' stretches back to the Hellenic world. It originates in the prefix para, meaning an alteration, and the suffix ode, referring to the poetry form known as an ode.3 One of its earliest practitioners was the first-century B.C. poet Horace, whose Satires would replicate the exact form known as an ode—mimicking its meter, its subject matter, even its self-serious tone—but tweaking it ever so slightly so that the form was able to mock its own idiocies."

The brief is a brilliant defense of parody wrapped up in perfect parodic packaging, which is even pointed out in the arguments to drive home the point, as on page 15:

"This is the fifteenth page of a convoluted legal filing intended to deconstruct the societal implications of parody, so the reader’s attention is almost certainly wandering. That’s understandable. So here is a paragraph of gripping legal analysis to ensure that every jurist who reads this brief is appropriately impressed by the logic of its argument and the lucidity of its prose: Bona vacantia. De bonis asportatis. Writ of certiorari. De minimis. Jus accrescendi. Forum non conveniens. Corpus juris. Ad hominem tu quoque. Post hoc ergo propter hoc. Quod est demonstrandum. Actus reus. Scandalum magnatum. Pactum reservati dominii.

"See what happened? This brief itself went from a discussion of parody’s function—and the quite serious historical and legal arguments in favor of strong protections for parodic speech—to a curveball mocking the way legalese can be both impenetrably boring and belie the hollowness of a legal position. That’s the setup and punchline idea again. It would not have worked quite as well if this brief had said the following: 'Hello there, reader, we are about to write an amicus brief about the value of parody. Buckle up, because we’re going to be doing some fairly outré things, including commenting on this text’s form itself!' Taking the latter route would have spoiled the joke and come off as more than a bit stodgy. But more importantly, it would have disarmed the power that comes with a form devouring itself. For millennia, this has been the rhythm of parody: The author convinces the readers that they’re reading the real thing, then pulls the rug out from under them with the joke. The heart of this form lies in that give and take between the serious setup and the ridiculous punchline."

The Onion has outdone itself many times, but this amicus brief may be its best work yet right up to the end.

"The Onion intends to continue its socially valuable role bringing the disinfectant of sunlight into the halls of power…," the argument section concludes. "And it would vastly prefer that sunlight not to be measured out to its writers in 15- minute increments in an exercise yard."

Definitely give the full brief a read. You'll certainly never read another Supreme Court filing like it.

34 broken bones, a mural, and Buddy the Elf—what these three things have in common
True

The Bank of America Chicago Marathon took place on Sunday, October 12th. Every runner who took on the enormous feat of 26.2 miles is truly an inspiration. We’re proud to share three outstanding stories about the power of community, giving back and crossing the finish line. Not only did they run an outstanding distance, but they each also gave back by fundraising for an organization that changes lives for the better.

Running a marathon is so much more than race day. It’s sticking to a schedule, getting enough rest, learning how to fuel your body for long distances, and—perhaps the most challenging of all—building mental resilience.



Meet Leanne: Running after 34 Bone Fractures

Leanne was only 12 years old when during her middle school cross country practice, she fractured her right tibia, the shin bone in her leg. This wasn’t Leanne’s first time breaking a bone—it was actually her 34th fracture. After many years of being overlooked as "clumsy," Leanne felt immense relief and recognition when a doctor diagnosed her with brittle bone disease, an incredibly rare condition.

Lurie Children’s provided a care plan for Leanne to build strength and start running again. And as of October 12th, Leanne ran her second Bank of America Chicago Marathon. She said in an interview, “I never thought I’d run again. But against the odds, here I am, training for my second Bank of America Chicago Marathon... all because of Lurie Children’s.”

Leanne’s impressive journey is a testament to the incredible research of Lurie Children’s, where she gives back by volunteering at the hospital and running on its behalf. Talk about being a true inspiration.


Meet Everett: Running to Inspire Through Art

Everett is an artist who creates beautiful murals around the city of Chicago. He uses his art as a tool for storytelling for community and connection.

In addition to being an artist, Everett is a runner. He ran the 2025 Bank of America Chicago Marathon on behalf of Peace Runners 773, a non-profit organization that strengthens the community of Chicago. In this video, we follow Everett on a run to visit some of his favorite murals. The run ends at Garfield Park, where Everett just finished a mural that he dedicated to the organization—symbolizing growth, strength and togetherness. Everett didn’t stop there.

While building his strength as a runner, Everett is strengthening his city of Chicago. Through his running and artwork, Everett has brought more awareness and resources to his community.

Meet Joseph: Running on Behalf of Special Olympics


Joseph ran the Chicago Marathon on behalf of Special Olympics, dedicating each mile to one of 26 friends with a developmental disability. The last 1.2 miles were extra special. It was for one of his closest friends, Matt.

In this video, Joseph runs to Matt’s house. For every mile of this training run, he tells us a heartwarming anecdote about Matt. They met at camp and soon, Matt will be a groomsman in Joseph’s wedding. The duo even sends a Christmas card every year—most notably dressing up as Buddy the Elf and sharing a bowl of spaghetti with maple syrup (spoiler: it doesn’t taste good).

As Joseph runs, he says, “Before we get to Matt, a quick note about why I’m running on behalf of Special Olympics. Matt and I love sports. And so do many of my other friends. Donations help provide year-round sports training and competition for more than 20,000 people with intellectual disabilities across Illinois.”

Joseph is the perfect example of inspiration. Not only did he run an entire marathon, but he also found inspiration in his friends who love sports as much as he does.


Leanne, Everett and Joseph are three incredible people who have shown how much strength and perseverance it takes to run a marathon. Each runner is both empowering themselves and their community. Their dedication to the Bank of America Chicago Marathon shows that the people of Chicago have a passion for the city, their neighbors and their personal achievements.

couple, marriage, food, sharing food, restaurant

Sharing is caring (at restaurants, anyway).

When you decide to marry the person you're madly in love with, it's easy to assume things will just work out. But as we all know from the statistics, that's not really how lifelong commitment works. Relationships are wonderful when they're good, but good relationships rarely just happen on their own. It takes intention and communication and dedication on the part of both partners to have a happy, healthy marriage.

What that looks like is different for every couple, of course, but it's always good to see specific examples of what helps a relationship thrive. Perhaps that's why a wife and husband's video sharing the "7 unspoken rules" of their marriage has nearly 1.5 million views in a week. Not only are Lila and Sean's rules rooted in solid relationship dynamics, but the way they deliver them makes it clear that they truly adore one another.


@liliannawilde

the 7 unspoken rules of our marriage! (except they are kind of spoken rules because we talk too much lol) @Sean Kolar #couple #couplestiktok #couplegoals #marriage #marriedlife

Rule #1: You have to "riff the bit"

Let's say your wife is making dinner and you walk into the kitchen. She says, "Hallo, my dahhling!" as if she's a character in Downton Abbey. What do you do?

"If someone comes in and they're improving—they have a character, or they're talking in a British accent, you gotta go with the joke," says Lila. "It's an improv house. This is 'yes, and'…it's a 'yes, and' kind of environment here." Then she and Sean give a perfect, brief example as they both don a Barbara from "Coffee Talk" on SNL accent.

coffee talk, barbara, snl, talk amongst yourselves, verklempt Barbara from "Coffee Talk" on SNL Giphy

Why it's worth considering: This rule is all about playfulness and creativity and delighting in one another's silliness. It says, "I see your goofy and celebrate it." It also helps you both not take things too seriously.

Rule #2: Grocery shop treat

"Whoever does the grocery shopping has to pick up a sweet treat, a surprise, for the other person," says Sean. "Usually Lili will pick me up a kombucha or something, and I'll pick her up chocolate or flowers."

gif, south park, chocolate, flowers, treats couple chocolate GIF by South Park Giphy

Why it's worth considering: Assuming you're switching off the grocery shopping pretty evenly, this rule is a great opportunity to show thoughtfulness and consideration to your partner. Nothing major, just a little treat. The little things sometimes feel like big things over time.

Rule #3: She gets the rewards

Sean and Lili explain that Lili gets the free coffee on the punch card when they've reached 10 coffees and get the 11th one free. Any time there's a reward, she gets it. They do not explain this one, however…

coffee, rewards, free coffee, free drink, loyalty card She always gets the rewards. Photo credit: Canva

Why it's worth considering: There are two reasons why this rule makes sense. One, it eliminates deciding each time who gets the reward, thereby removing any possibility for bickering or competition. Sometimes a clear rule helps simplify things. Why her and not him? Well, there's plenty of research on the disproportionate burden women bear when it comes to household and family duties, even when a couple tries to even it out. A free coffee once in a while seems like a fair trade off.

Rule #4: A joke is only a joke if we both find it funny

"A joke is only a joke if both of us are laughing, says Sean."

"If one of us is laughing and the other is embarrassed or scared or upset, then it's not a joke," adds Lili. "That can't continue. It's only funny if we both find it funny."

joke, schitt's creek, funny, laughing, bad joke Joking Schitts Creek GIF by CBC Giphy

Why it's worth considering: This is just a good life rule in general. Humor can be a great way to bond, and it can also be used to hurt someone. If only one of you is laughing, it's not funny.

Rule #5: Share everything at a restaurant

"Everything we order, we're splitting," Lili says. "There is nothing that is just yours or just mine." She says it would make her so sad if Sean said, "I don't want you to have a bite of this."

couple, marriage, food, sharing food, restaurant You don't have to go to this length of sharing. Photo credit: Canva

Why it's worth considering: First of all, having this understanding from the get go prevents a lot of annoyance over someone taking bites of your food. Some couples may actually set up an opposite rule—no sharing food at restaurants—and that might work for them, too. But sharing food as a matter of course lets you share the experience together, compare dishes, talk about the flavors, etc. Just make sure you're both cognizant of not hogging anything.

Rule #6: If the dog is comfy on you, you don't have to do anything

"You cannot disrupt the dog," says Lili. "If Beans is cozy, you win, you get to stay cozy with Beans." The other person has to do dishes, bring the person with the dog water, etc.

dog, pets, cozy, couple, marriage Whoever has the dog on their lap must be served. Photo credit: Canva

Why it's worth considering: First of all, this is the rule at most homes with pets that I know. Secondly, it's a sign that you're caring for something together and recognize that caregiving is an important role. Caregiving will be a big part of a lifelong relationship, from raising kids to taking care of aging parents.

Rule #7: The money rule

Lili pulls this from Barbara once again: "I've got two rules for this marriage. Number one, you don't tell me how you make your money. And number two, I don't tell you how I spend it."

lifelong relationship, from raising kids to taking care of aging parents. Mike Myers playing Barbara on SNL Giphy

Why it's worth considering: It's not. It's a joke. (According to Lili in the comments.)

People loved seeing Lili and Sean's rules, calling them "wholesome" and "healthy." While it's not a great idea to have rigid or controlling rules in a relationship, rules that establish healthy boundaries, methods of communication, the way things are done in the household, etc. can actually be a big help to a couple. And while Lili and Sean's "rules" might seem silly on the surface, they're actually rooted in healthy relationship dynamics. As long as a couple comes up with them together, with both people in full agreement, it might be a good idea to create your own "rules" in you relationship. Lili and Sean clearly had fun with this together, and that alone is a promising indicator of a happy marriage.

You can follow Lila and Sean for more on TikTok.

cruise ships, cruise living, vacation, lifestyle, alternative living, alternative lifestyles, aging, seniors
via Alonso Reyes/Unsplash

A couple lives permanently on cruise ships instead of paying for assisted living.

It comes as no surprise to many of us, but cost of living in the United States has gone up so by leaps and bounds in recent years. So much so that living on a cruise ship has become a reasonable idea for some retirees. When Nancy and Robert Houchens of Charlottesville, Virginia, retired, they decided to sell almost everything they had and live out their golden years hopping from cruise ship to cruise ship.

"We had a 3,000-square-foot home full of furniture...and everything we own now would fit in the back of a pickup truck," Robert told USA Today.


“We sold all of our estates except for a little condominium we have in Florida, so when we get too old to cruise, we have somewhere to live,” Nancy added. “And we did keep two vehicles, and what we kept is in half of (Robert's mother's storage unit), which is, I don't know, 10x10 or something. We just walked away from everything.”

Life on a cruise ship is stress-free for the couple because their needs are taken care of on the ship. "It's been great. I don't cook. I don't clean," Nancy told the Miami Herald.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

The couple has found that living on a cruise ship isn’t as expensive as some may assume. Even though inflation has driven up the cost of travel in the U.S., it hasn’t significantly impacted the cruise industry.

“It's much cheaper than a nursing home or assisted living. It was just a good fit for us. It's a good fit for a lot of people,” Robert told the Miami Herald.

The cost of a nursing home for one person usually runs anywhere from $8-10,000 per month, for reference.

The couple plans their trips differently than someone who is going on vacation. “We look for the best deal, not the destination,” Nancy told Cruise Passenger.

The couple initially planned to spend $4,000 a month living on the ships. “Our original budget was $4,000 a month. This included gratuities. Of course, things are more expensive now, so that budget has had to increase a little. Depending on where we go, we may or may not need the internet,” she told Cruise Passenger.

cruise ships, cruise living, vacation, lifestyle, alternative living, alternative lifestyles, aging, seniors Literally sailing off into the sunset. Giphy

“Our phone plan covers most everywhere for 25 cents a minute to call with free internet and texting,” Nancy continued. “We have an annual travel insurance plan, and one of our credit cards also has travel insurance.”

The roughly $4,000 the couple spends a month includes food, and they don’t have to bother paying for a car. They also try to book their cruises consecutively so they don’t waste money paying for expensive hotels when transferring between cruise lines.

Not a bad deal.

Last July, the Houchens celebrated their 1,000th day sailing with Carnival Cruise Line since the 1980s, and they look forward to countless more days at sea with each other and the new friends they’ve made on their never-ending cruise. And today, they're still going strong.

They're not alone in loving their new lifestyle. CBS News reports in 2025 that "cruise retirements" are more popular than ever.

@lovepeacecruise

Nancy and Robert Houchens of Charlottesville, Virginia - Couple retires to live on cruise ships because it's 'cheaper than a nursing home' #livingonacruiseship #retirement #carnival #carnivalcruise #funship #carnivalship #carnivalshiptok #cruiseship #cruise #cruiser #cruiselife #vacation #travel #cruisevacation #cruisetravel #cruisetok #cruisetiktok #cruiseaddict

“We cruise Carnival because of the people,” Richard told Travel Pulse. “It isn’t the destinations for us anymore, it’s the journey—and the biggest part of the journey is the people.”

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

costco, costco tiramisu, costco tiramisu cups, tiramisu, reusable cups, sustainability

There's something so satisfying about a proper sized cup.

Here's a story all about a gift that keeps on giving.

When TikToker @anh.isoff posted about Costco’s beloved pre-packed tiramisu, she wasn’t raving about the flavor. She was talking about the cups. Specifically, how the cups found new life long after the delicious dessert inside was consumed.


In a video that has now racked up more than 3.4 million views, she showed how her family kept the small glass containers the dessert came in, and repurposed them as elegant glassware.

“POV: Your family bought tiramisu from Costco but didn’t know it also came with cups, so now y’all use it for drinks,” her video's caption read.

This clearly struck a very relatable chord. In the comments, thousands of people chimed in to say they too had a secret stash of Costco tiramisu glasses hiding in their kitchen cabinets.

“I found my people,” one person wrote, sharing a photo of their collection.

costco, costco tiramisu, costco tiramisu cups, tiramisu, reusable cups, sustainability Glasses.@anh.isof/TikTok

Another added, “Oh my GOD I forgot how these spawned in the cabinet.”

And the uses go beyond makeshift drinking cups, apparently. Pretty soon the comments began rolling in from other Costco shoppers who found creative uses for their tiramisu cups:

  • “I use them to make tiny desserts.”
  • “They’re perfect espresso cups.”
  • “Painted mine and made makeup brush holders.”
  • “I use them for ice cream, it’s the perfect serving for it”

costco, costco tiramisu, costco tiramisu cups, tiramisu, reusable cups, sustainability Screenshot.@anh.isof/TikTok

And on the subreddit r/Costco, there were even more inventive uses:

  • "I just use them for storing things I cut up while cooking like chopped chives, cucumber etc."
  • "Shot/cocktail glasses."
  • "Mine are tealight candle holders on all my windowsills."
  • "My kid has a collection of them in his bedroom. Apparently they're Goldfish cracker serving sized.
  • "I reuse them as dipping cups. Ketchup/mayonnaise for fries, barbecue sauce/honey for chicken nuggets, soy sauce for shrimp tempura!"
  • "My friend laser engraved these cups for his wedding. they were part of the gift packs."

costco, costco tiramisu, costco tiramisu cups, tiramisu, reusable cups, sustainability Screenshot.@anh.isof/TikTok

This delightful Internet moment somehow turned a seemingly ordinary tiramisu cup into a bona fide symbol of thrift and human ingenuity all rolled into one. And it served as a bittersweet reminder of how foreign it can feel to purchase something, even a plain dessert cup you buy from a grocery store, that’s actually built to last.

Much to the crowd’s chagrin, many viewers noted a sad revelation: Costco no longer sells their legendary tiramisu in glass.

Several commenters shared their heartbreak.

“Bruh, my parents bought a second pack and noticed they changed the cups to plastic, and the design was different :/ they’re not as nice,” lamented one person.

“I miss those Costco tiramisu cups so bad,” said another.

costco, costco tiramisu, costco tiramisu cups, tiramisu, reusable cups, sustainability Screenshot.@anh.isof/TikTok

It’s funny how something as simple as packaging (or the loss thereof) can create such a collective sigh. Maybe it’s because the glass cups felt special…a small touch of care that elevated a store-bought dessert into something worth keeping.

Still, it was fun for folks to find community in something so utterly niche.

“This is so hyper specific I love it,” one person wrote.

Stories like this remind us that reusability is more than just practical. It’s creative and joyful. In a world overflowing with single-use everything, it’s heartening to see people celebrate the beauty of giving an object a second life.

And maybe, just maybe, this is a sign that Costco (and every other grocery giant) should consider bringing back reusable glass packaging. Of course, there are plenty of logistical reasons why that might be tricky. But it’s hard not to imagine how much better it would feel, both for the planet and for customers, if more products were made to last instead of toss.

​pottery barn, quilt, pagoda, pinafore, mystery
Photo Credit: Always1kMilesAway/Reddit, Used with permission

A patch on a child's blanket has the Internet perplexed.

One day, a person went to a thrift store and bought a child's quilt. The tag read "Pottery Barn Kids" with the date listed as May 2008. This particular quilt has patches with different letters of the alphabet. Each letter corresponds to the artwork of something that begins with that letter. For example, L is represented by a lollipop. K, a kite, and so on.

But something was baffling when they got to "P." Its corresponding shape is that of what can only be described as a strange snowman with a pouch and odd lettering. But THAT doesn't start with a "P."


quilt, pottery barn, thrift store, alphabet, reddit A child's quilt becomes a mystery online.Photo Credit: Always1kMilesAway, Reddit, Used with permission

After years, the OP finally took to Reddit this week with a picture of the mysterious "P" patch. In the subreddit r/whatisit, they ask, "Child alphabet blanket for 'P.' We can't figure this one out." They add, "It's been years and our best guess is pot-belly stove."

As with most things, Reddit was on the case immediately. In fact, in less than a day, there were well over 5,000 comments, chock full of amateur (and perhaps some professional) sleuths. After all, sometimes it takes a village to solve a children's quilt mystery, and today might be that day.

The first of thousands of commenters are agitated that they'd make any of the pictures hard to read in the first place. "I get wanting to increase a child’s vocabulary, but what is with these obscure objects for alphabet pictures? Parrot? Pencil? Pineapple? Pig? Why go so obscure?"

This leads to a lengthy discussion of why X stood for a "horse" in a kindergarten class someone once saw. "Their classroom had one of those alphabet posters above the whiteboard, and under the letter X was a picture of a horse. It took me a few days of trying to wrap my brain around what the hell it could have been until I got frustrated enough to finally just ask the teacher. She just nonchalantly responded, 'Oh, that’s Xanthus,' with no further explanation." (Later, when they read Homer's Iliad, they had an aha moment and were grateful for the lesson.)

But back to that "P." One Redditor suggests it's a pattern of a pinafore, which is a fit-and-flare shaped apron tied over a dress. But the OP responds, "If it wasn't for the top triangle, I would say so, but apron was one of our guesses."

Another skilled investigator points out that what is believed to be original artwork had been shared on the thread, noting confidently, "It's a pagoda." The OP gently pushes back, "I saw that, but would argue it was a pagoda before they changed it."

alphabet patter, art, drawings, children, quilt, mystert An art piece demonstrating letters of the alphabet. Photo Credit: Jennifer Orkin Lewis, Reddit

The plot thickens! Wondering what they meant by "changed it," I reached out to the OP to clarify and ask if they wanted to add additional thoughts. They (adorably) merely asked, "What's your opinion on it? Pagoda or Pinafore?" Their laser focus on the art puzzle was reminiscent of FBI-level detectives after the Kennedy assassination.

The OP writes to me, "There's just too many non-essential changes from the original pagoda (why move the door?) Most of the other items are kept the same, and there are plenty of other examples with hard corners and different patches abutting each other."

Another commenter chimes in, "I thought 'Pampers' at first, but that doesn't really fit. I agree with 'pinafore.'"

Now legal gets involved. "AI prompt was probably: 'Create patch designs based on this but tweak them slightly so it's not copyright infringement.'"

And this person feels extremely sure: "Doubters, look at the cartoon pagoda and then look at the quilt again. They only had enough room for two roofs, but they definitely have the curved roof thing happening." Someone else adds a photo of a pagoda as represented on a take-out box.

pagoda, reddit, mystery, quilt, art A pagoda represented on a take-out box.Photo Credit: Reddit, Always1kMilesAway

Though a few have other ideas, it seems to come down between the pagoda and the pinafore. The OP humorously notes this in their edits:

"Edit: Personally, I think the abstraction of this to pagoda is a bit much considering the other patches, and I've never seen an apron/pinafore with a cloth piece that covers the face.

Final Edit: Someone below mentioned that the top flap would tuck into one's clothes and that their grandma had one. Thus, I think 'pinafore' is the answer; 'solved' went to the first person to suggest it.

Final-Final Edit: Buried in a comment chain was an alternative picture where it clearly was a pagoda. It seems that Pottery Barn bought this from an artist and then changed it for some reason to this, and subsequently a penguin. I think the change here makes it a pinafore, but the original art was of a pagoda.

Final-Final-Final Edit: It's a Pinna-goda. Are we all equally unhappy now?"

Perhaps we'll never truly know the intention behind the stitching. But it was a lot of fun trying to figure it out.