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The best parenting advice I've read in a long time: Someone will always criticize you.

You can't please everyone!

parenting, children, community, confidence

Parenting children requires some serious balancing skills.

This article originally appeared on 03.08.16


Like most parents, I didn't know what I was doing when I first became a mom — because I'd never done it before.

I was 27 when our first child joined our family through adoption. He was 10 months old.

My son and me shortly after his adoption. That look on my face can probably best be described as "clueless but hopeful." All photos of my kids and me belong to me.



I'd read everything I could get my hands on — books, articles, blog posts, and a whole lot more — in the year leading up to his adoption. So I had some solid book knowledge. But real life experience? Nah.

Sure, I babysat as a teenager, and I was a really good parent before I actually became one. However, as most parents know, parenting is very much a learn-as-you-go gig. We use the abstract knowledge we arm ourselves with and apply it the best we can while trying to keep our heads above water.

My husband and I made some mistakes, and we did some things brilliantly.

We faced a lot of challenges — both the regular ones that all new parents encounter and some more complex ones because our son spent 10 months in an orphanage before we became his parents. But we felt pretty good about our family, and we gained confidence as parents.

We thought: "Hey, we like this parenting thing. And we're decent at it. We're not the worst. Let's do it again!"

So less than a year and a half later, I became a second-time mom when we adopted our daughter, Molley.

My daughter and me on her first birthday, about four months after she joined our family.

She was eight months old — and just as amazing as our son. After she was with us for about six months and we'd overcome some serious health challenges, her personality began to develop, and I quickly realized something:

I had no idea what I was doing.

Seriously, no idea.

All of that parenting experience I'd gained with my son did. not. apply. to. this. child.

She was a different person with a totally different personality, and those magical "skills" I'd allowed myself to think I'd developed were basically useless.

She was spirited and clever, kind and thoughtful, inquisitive and skeptical, opinionated and insistent.

And did I mention spirited?

After the first time she threw herself down on the ground in public and proceeded to scream bloody murder — probably when she was around 15 months old — because she wasn't interested in whatever I'd suggested, I called my mom.

Not my child. But it totally could have been.

"What's happening?" I asked. "Mattix never did this. What even is going on here?! The world is ending. Send help STAT!"

As moms often do, she imparted upon me some words of wisdom: Kids aren't carbon copies of each other. And sometimes, we have to do everything differently ... even when what we did before worked.

So that's what I did.

What Laditan wrote is a variation of what many parents have said and believed since, well, the beginning of time.

Yes, it takes a village. And no, we shouldn't parent in a silo. We benefit greatly from the help of friends and family and sometimes even complete strangers. But when it comes down to it, there's a wide space between "best parent ever" and "worst parent on the planet" — and as long as we're trying hard and landing somewhere slightly to the left of the middle, we're probably doing just fine.

So unless we see actual abuse, we should probably just keep our mouths shut or maybe offer a few encouraging words or a small sign of solidarity to the other parents in the trenches. 'Cause it's very likely that they're doing their best, too.

You know the thing about "good parents?" There's not just one type.

That's why I absolutely loved a recent post by mom and author Bunmi Laditan. She's the comedic genius behind Honest Toddler on Twitter. (If you have young kids and you find humor to be a coping mechanism for the hard stuff parenting throws at you, do yourself a favor and follow her.) She also keeps us laughing, nodding our heads, and even crying a little with her Facebook posts.

But this one in particular is something every parent should read:

She writes:

"If you work, you're missing your kid's childhood. If you stay home, you're wasting your education and not giving them an example of a strong, independent woman. If you're a strict disciplinarian, your children will be stunted emotionally with damaged spirits. If you practice gentle parenting, you're raising a future serial killer.
\n\nIf you homeschool, your child will never be able to succeed in society and will live in your basement playing World of Warcraft and and attend furry conventions forever. If they go to private school, they'll be elitist snobs. If they go to public school, good luck because they'll be on heroin before 7th grade and are probably pregnant right now.
\n\n\n\nIf you have only one child, they're going to be lonely and when you die, they'll have no one. If you have two of the same sex, how sad for you- surely you'll try for the opposite gender? If you have three or more, you're contributing to the collapse of the environment, imminent extinction of all protected species and overpopulation with your freakishly large family.
\n\n\n\nIf you're raising a vegan, you're annoying and your child's bones are surely brittle as hell. If your kids eat meat, you're a ruthless murderer and don't you know sausage causes cancer? If your kids can't have sugar, you're denying them a proper childhood. If your kids can have sugar, you're setting them up for a life of obesity and a snack cake addiction.
\n\n\n\nIf you breastfed, it was either for too long or not long enough and please do it under a tarp in a pitch black room because nobody wants to see your sex breasts. If you didn't breastfeed, your child will never know true love, good health, or a real mother's love.
\n\n\n\nThe moral of the story is, when it comes to parenting, there is always someone who'll think you're doing it all wrong so unless they're paying your bills, just do you."

After hearing the highest of praises and the lowest of insults when my daughter was younger, that's the mental space I had to get myself to.

I kept on keeping on, and you know what? It's going great. We got through our rough period that lasted about three years — until Molley was around 5 — and landed in a really positive place. We have an amazing relationship, and she continues to be a remarkable human being.

She even got me over my hatred of selfies!

Molley is 7.5 now and the past few years of parenting her have been an incredible experience — fun, humbling, interesting, and, of course, hard sometimes. We recently learned after some extensive testing that she's "gifted."

Her 7.5-year-old brain has the logical reasoning and comprehension abilities of a child 10 years old, and her vocabulary is many grade levels above that of a typical second-grader. It all kind of makes sense now — all of those hard times we had — and I'm so glad I didn't let the opinions of others dictate what I did or didn't do.

Being silly at lunch one day.

Did I make mistakes? Of course I did. Any parent who says otherwise is being dishonest. But I made choices that I felt were best for my child, and in the end, they were generally good ones. Had those strangers who wanted to make me feel like the worst mother ever been successful, maybe we wouldn't be in such a good place now. I'm certain we'll encounter bumps and challenges in the future because that's what happens with parenting and kids. But I know we can handle whatever comes up.

I parented her the way I felt would work best, adjusting as we went.

I did most things differently than I had with Mattix, all in response to her needs. It just so happens that parenting Molley in public was a bit more of a spectacle, as she was a lot more vocal and physical about her displeasure, which she seemed to experience often.

I didn't allow us to interrupt other people's dining or shopping experiences. But on the sidewalk, at the park, in the parking lot, at the super-noisy pizzeria where we could barely even hear ourselves talk because it was so loud ... we did our thing. If she hurled her sippy cup or dropped her stuffed animal and then promptly hit the deck to really drive home the point about how annoyed she was with me, we waited there until she got up herself, picked up her stuff, and walked on her own.

Sometimes that took five minutes. Sometimes it took 45. It turns out that we're well-matched in the stubbornness department, and I truly felt that what we were doing was best.

Parenting her at home was quite different, too, but nobody was around to judge that.

I'd noticed things about Molley that were different. She was incredibly verbal by 12 months old — she had hundreds of words and spoke in sentences. By 18 months old, she'd go to her room when she was mad and stay there for hours, waiting me out, declining my offers to join the rest of us.

I was certainly learning as I went, but I knew one thing for sure: I couldn't parent her like a typical child. Because she wasn't a typical child. And that meant people, especially strangers, had lots of opinions.

I learned a few things very quickly: First, a lot of people want you to know exactly what they think of your parenting skills and style.

The second thing I learned is that there's no consistency to others' opinions. One person would walk by us, doing our thing on the sidewalk during a meltdown, and tell me what a wonderful, patient mother I was and how my daughter was going to grow into a respectful, good person because of what I was doing.

Five minutes later, another person would encounter us in the exact same situation and loudly comment about what a terrible mother I was and remark upon me being "the reason kids are so awful these days."

It happened all the time. The fact that we obviously look so different from each other probably made us stand out a bit more, but I think this is something all parents of spirited children encounter. People would even take photos of us with their smartphones. Now that I think about it, I wonder how many "shame on this parent" Facebook posts we were featured in.

It didn't take me long to tune out the negative, focus on my children and myself, and put my energy into being the best parent I could be, the opinions of strangers notwithstanding.

Still, it's not fun to constantly hear you suck because you're not doing something the way someone else thinks you should.

Parenting is fantastic — it's the best part of life I've ever undertaken — and it's a lot of work. As rewarding as it is, it can be physically tiring (OMG my kids didn't sleep when they were babies), and it can be emotionally draining.

My kids and me, shortly after our daughter joined our family. Ohhh, the look of sweet naiveté on my face...

Most of us are doing the best we can. We're reaching out and asking for help and advice when we want or need it. We're reading everything we can. We're adjusting our techniques and reactions when they're not working. In the interest of keeping it real, some of us will admit we're crying on the floor of our bedroom closet on occasion.

All of that is because we care. We love our kids. We want to be good parents for them.


Health

She was 15 when men threw acid in her face. They told her she’d be ashamed forever.

ReSurge International helped Muskan Khatun reconstruct her body, and now she’s using her voice to advocate for burn and gender-based violence survivors.

ReSurge International

Muskan Khatun was only 15 when she survived an acid attack in Nepal.

True

When Muskan Khatun was 15 years old, a group of young men started teasing her on her way to school in Nepal. She found it disturbing and uncomfortable, but they wouldn’t stop.

“I finally told my family,” Muskan says. “My dad confronted them, scolded them, and even slapped one of them. After that, they stopped bothering me for about three months.

“Then, one day, when I was heading to school, I saw them again. This time, they had a jug of acid. They tried to make me drink it, but I refused. In anger, they threw the acid on my face, hands, and chest.”

The attackers were arrested, and good samaritans nearby got Muskan to Kirtipur Hospital, where she was treated by local ReSurge surgeon and Country Director, Dr. Shankar Man Rai and his team. Resurge International is a non-profit organization that provides free reconstructive surgical care and trains surgical teams in low-income countries around the world to increase access to care for people who need it, like Muskan. ReSurge’s team in Nepal has treated 141 intentional burn attacks like Muskan’s over the last seven years.

ReSurge helped Muskan take her life back. But that was only the beginning of her story.

ReSurge International

One teen’s perseverance created historic change in the law.

“As I learned more about the laws in my country, I realized the justice system didn’t provide enough protection or punishment for such crimes,” Muskan says.” It felt like a bigger hurt than the acid attack itself. That’s when I decided to raise my voice and work towards changing the laws to ensure justice for others like me.”

Muskan wrote to the Prime Minister just days after her attack, but got no response. So she took her voice to the public. For two years, she courageously shared her story and advocated for better laws.

Finally, the Prime Minister invited her to his residence. He listened to her experiences and legal ideas, and in just 15 days, he passed a law specifically targeting acid attacks. The law also passed in Nepal’s parliament in record time.

“This was the first time in Nepal that a law was passed so swiftly,” Muskan says. “The new law was very strict, including a life sentence for offenders, marking the most severe punishment in Nepal for such crimes.” In 2021 Muskan was awarded the prestigious International Women of Courage (IWOC) Award by the U.S. Secretary of State for her work to end acid attacks.

Muskan Khutan's awardsMuskan has won multiple awards for her advocacy work.Resurge International

Muskan is not alone. Acid attack survivors around the world have raised their voices to get laws changed—but that’s not the only battle they’re fighting.

Constructing laws is one thing. Reconstructing your burned body is another.

Chemical burns leave survivors with painful scar contractures that restrict movement over the affected areas, forcing them to also relive their trauma every time they look in the mirror or field questions from people about what happened to them. However, burn scars require specialized surgical care, which often isn’t readily available or affordable in most low-income countries.

That’s where ReSurge International comes in.

With a conservative estimate of 10,000 acid attacks each year (many countries don’t keep official records of acid attacks and an estimated 40% of attacks go unreported, according to Acid Survivors Trust International), the surgical needs just for intentional burn victims is significant. Additionally, with 80% of acid attack survivors being women, the gender-based violence aspect of the issue cannot be ignored.

But there’s a gap in surgery accessibility between people in high-income nations, where plastic surgery is often viewed as elective and cosmetic, and those in low-income countries, where it more often addresses critical medical needs.

One way ReSurge is closing that gap is by training the next generation of reconstructive surgeons across Africa, Asia and Latin America, in countries where acid attacks are high. Rather than only sending in surgeons from the outside, ReSurge trains and funds local surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, and occupational therapists, focusing on capacity building and prioritizing locally-led solutions with an extra emphasis on training women to close the gender gap in medicine and surgery. Just last year, ReSurge transformed the lives of over 25,000 patients and trained more than 5,000 medical professionals, with 85% of their surgeries being conducted by local partners.

Raising awareness is another way ReSurge is working to ‘close the gap.’

Seeing a potential for a powerful partnership, Resurge orchestrated the first face-to-face meeting between Muskan and fellow acid attack survivor and Woman of Courage Award Winner, Natalia Ponce de León from Colombia, in June of 2024. Like Muskan, Natalia has worked tirelessly to advocate for survivors’ rights and successfully inspired change to her country’s laws. She currently runs a foundation to ensure survivors of chemical attacks get the medical, psychological and legal care they need and deserve. Through the power of mentorship and mutual support, these two remarkable women will be able to increase their reach and amplify the impact of the incredible work they’re already doing.

Muskan Khutan and Natalia Ponce de Le\u00f3nMuskan and Natalia are working together to advocate for acid attack survivors.ReSurge International

Preventing more attacks like the ones that changed Muskan and Natalia’s lives requires a multi-faceted approach, as does care for survivors who are living with the aftermath of such violence. Survivor advocates and organizations like ReSurge International working together to ensure that care is accessible for all is a reminder of what humans can do when we set our sights on solutions and keep striving to implement them in the most effective way possible.


Interested in helping? This giving season, ReSurge is matching every gift for twice the impact. To make a gift to support patients like Muskan, read their stories, and learn more about how ReSurge International is closing the gap to reconstructive surgery, visit resurge.org/closing-the-gap

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Her delight at finding a snack she liked has people in stitches.

In the age of Amazon and other online retailers, delivery drivers have become an integral part of our lives. But most of us rarely interact with the people who drop packages at our door via UPS or FedEx or USPS, and if we do, it's usually only for a few seconds. We might manage a friendly "Good afternoon!" or quick "Thanks a bunch!" as they hustle to and from their vehicle, always rushing to fulfil their quota as efficiently as possible.

Delivery folks work hard. They're on their feet much of the day, traipsing up hundreds of front walks a week, through all kinds of inclement weather. Yes, it's their job and they're paid to do it, but it's always nice to have your work seen and appreciated, which is one reason a video of UPS driver discovering a sweet treat on a customer's front porch is going viral.

Another reason is that it's just hilariously adorable.

A doorbell camera caught a UPS driver wearing a holiday bauble headband walking up to the door and dropping off a package as she talks to herself. After she takes a photo of the delivery, she sees that the customer had left a little tray of drinks and snacks, and her "Oooh, do I see honey bunny?" is a sign of the hilarity to come.

Watch her reaction and the way she joyfully make her way back to the truck.

Unsurprisingly, people are in love with the driver and her giddy goofiness.

"I literally laughed out loud at her crazy walk back to the truck. I need more people like her in my life."

"I have a friend like that, he just makes my day every time we see each other. 😂"

"That is way adorable! Simple act that makes the day of a random person <3."

"I don’t know anything else about her but she’s my new fave human."

"OMG she reminds me of our mail carrier so much. We leave her cookies at Christmas and she always does a little happy dance that day."

Delivery drivers and former delivery drivers shared that these kinds of gestures really do mean a lot.

"As a former delivery driver, i want you to know that if you leave snacks and drinks out for us, we love you to the moon and back. 💜"

"Driving for Amazon paid my rent for 10 months. Not exaggerating when I say that it was a dark time in my life. Snacks made me smile. every. single. time."

"I mean... I literally took something from every house that had stuff out. I worked 10-12hrs+ during the holidays... I needed every calorie I could get walking 20-30miles a day."

"Even when I didn't take them I appreciate them. it's like seeing a sign that says we love delivery drivers."

"I'll tell you what, the people who leave food got me through my holidays as a postal carrier. Nothing slaps harder than an ice cold redbull and bag of pretzels and ice cold bottle of water that was left in a cooler. I had a lady who asked me what I liked and then had sperate bags labeled "Mail carrier USPS" and "UPS GUY" and "FED EX GUY" with our preferred snacks. She asked me what my favorite ice cream was and she knew my mile long loop and knew when I parked, I'd be done in 15mins, so, she'd be waiting at the truck every day all summer with an ice cream and a napkin.

There are some people who just f---ing make the day feel worth it, if you are one of these people, you are what makes delivering mail worth it. We do notice the nice things you do for us, THANK YOU."

"I do this during the summer. I'm in Texas so it's routinely over 100°F. I'm always trying to make sure there are cold drinks for our postal workers and delivery people."

"I do it during Australian Christmas. 40c/100f plus on a December day. Coke water and Gatorade always gone by lunch."

It's a good reminder that it doesn't take a lot to show appreciation and make someone's day. These kinds of positive interactions, even when asynchronous and not directly face-to-face, are an important part of building the kind of world we all want to live in.

A couple struggling to get pregnant celebrates the surprise birth  of identical triplet boys

"Three beautiful identical triplet boys starting their NICU journey 💙💙💙"

thepagetrio/TikTok

Identical triplets Enzo, Anjo and Cruz Page.

A family in England welcomed an early Christmas present. Shannon, 29, and Ace Page, 28, welcomed surprise identical triplets through in vitro fertilization (IVF) after first being told by doctors that they were only expecting twins. "Life has changed so much since the boys were born as they are now our main priority and all that matters now," Shannon tells Upworthy. "It feels amazing to finally be parents, especially going from feeling like we were never going to be parents to having 3 beautiful boys."

The couple from Wincanton in Somerset, tried to conceive naturally for years before they had their first embryo implanted in March 2024. They began documenting their pregnancy journey on TikTok. During their 7-week scan, where they were told by doctors that twins were on the way.

However, at the couple's 9-week scan, they found out Shannon was also carrying baby #3. An ultrasound technician tells Shannon and Ace that there are three "really nice, strong heartbeats."

“There was only supposed to be one as they transferred one embryo, we are so happy💙💙💙,” the couple wrote on TikTok after sharing a video of the ultrasound.

@thepagetrio

When we went for our first IVF scan and had a surprise 👶👶👶 #ivf #ivfjourney #triplets #ivfsuccess #infertility

In the couple's next TikTok post, they announced all three babies were boys at a gender reveal party where Shannon and Ace popped balloons that contained blue confetti. Ace excitedly runs over to his group of guy friends, jumping and hugging at the happy news.

@thepagetrio

Identical Triplet gender reveal #genderreveal #genderrevealparty #ivf #triplets #identicaltriplets

Soon after, Shannon began experiencing health issues during the pregnancy and stopped posting on TikTok. In the next post, she detailed her scary experience carrying the baby boys to term.

@thepagetrio

Our crazy identical triplet journey💙💙💙 #triplets #identicaltriplets #pregnancy #ivf #ivfjourney #nicubaby #neonatal

“At 17 weeks I kept fainting and this time I was unconscious for a considerable amount of time,” she shared.

Sadly, a later scan found that one of the triplets would likely not make it to Week 21 due to a twin to twin transfusion. The couple were advised by doctors to terminate it in hopes of saving the other two. “That came with risk of harming them all,” Shannon wrote, “So we decided to let nature take its course and deal with whatever happened naturally.”

On October 6, 2024 (with the boys at 29 weeks and 6 days), she went into labor–defying doctors expectations. She underwent a C-section, and welcomed all 3 brothers into the world: Enzo (who weighed just 2 pounds, 11 ounces), Aljo (2 pounds, 13 ounces) and Cruz (2 pounds, 7 ounces).

"Three beautiful identical triplet boys starting their NICU journey 💙💙💙," the couple wrote.

The triplets immediately were moved to the NICU, where they still remain but continue to grow stronger. Cruz contracted and overcame a stomach infection called NEC in mid-November that required him to be isolated from his brothers while taking 3 different antibiotics and going 10 days without feeding. Shannon also shared that baby Enzo is doing well without breathing support, while baby Aljo still requires some breathing support.

All three babies are currently healthy. Although they are not yet home, the brothers are already getting in the holiday spirit. "It would mean the world for us to have the boys home in time for their first Christmas surrounded by family," Shannon tells Upworthy.

@thepagetrio

Identical triplets first christmas! #identicaltriplets #triplets #babyboy #babylove #nicu #nicu #tripletsoftiktok #nicubaby #ivf #mom #fyp #viral_video #viralvideos #christmas #firstchristmas

Shannon and Ace dressed all three boys in matching 'First Christmas' onesies, complete with tiny mistletoe beanies.

"Merry Christmas from the boys," they wrote in the video.

Popular

Couple in their 30s live permanently on cruise ships for a little over $10K a year

“I’m not a millionaire ... I just live full-time on cruise ships.”

A magnificent cruise ship on the ocean.

Giving it all up and retiring to live on a cruise ship at 32 seems like a lifestyle choice only available to the ultra-wealthy. However, two financially savvy retired school teachers from Tennessee have managed to do just that, spending under $10,000 for the first eight months at sea.

Monica Brzoska, 32, and Jorrell Conley, 36, met in 2015 while teaching in Memphis, Tennessee. The following year, they booked a week-long cruise to Mexico, Belize, and Grand Cayman. After that, they were hooked on cruising together.

Eight years later, in March 2023, they booked a week-long Caribbean cruise. When it was over, instead of returning home to Memphis, they had a wild idea: Why not continue to book consecutive cruises? So, they did just that.

Monica was inspired to start living the life she always wanted after her father fell ill and her mother told her: "Don't wait for retirement. Follow your dreams."



The couple crunched the numbers and found that if they chose the cheapest cabins and used the deals they’ve received from Carnival Cruises, they could book the first 8 months for just under $10,000. “It sounds mad, but the numbers made sense. Accommodation, food and entertainment would be included – we’d only need spending money,” Brzoska told The Sun. “And because we’d been on so many Carnival cruises, we’d earned access to some amazing offers.”

Hopping from ship to ship isn’t difficult for the couple because many disembark from the same ports. But they sometimes have to fly when they can’t walk to the next ocean liner.

The couple then quit their jobs, sold their possessions, and started a new life on the high seas. They rent out their 3-bedroom home in Memphis to maintain steady cash flow. The average 3-bedroom home in the area rents somewhere between $1200 to $1900 a month.



Over the first year of their new life, the couple completed 36 consecutive cruises. They have already visited countless destinations across the globe, but they can’t choose a favorite. "For a cultural experience, we loved Japan," Brzoska told a Carnival Cruise director on Instagram. The couple also loved Greece for its “history” and Iceland because it was the "closest to being on Mars."

One of the most incredible benefits of loving on a cruise ship is that so many things are taken care of for you. The couple never has to cook any meals, do any laundry or drive. Every night, there is something to do, whether it’s checking out a comedy show or enjoying drinks and dancing in the nightclub.



Plus, on cruises, just about all the costs are covered, so you rarely have to open your wallet. It’s a stress-free, all-inclusive lifestyle. Brzoska says that when you remove the everyday stresses from life, it’s great for your marriage. “Without the daily stresses of life, we rarely argued, but always told each other if we needed space or more time together,” she said.

The couple also makes sure to have one date night a week, during which they dress up and have a nice meal together.

Most people may be unable to give it all up and live their lives hopping from ocean liner to ocean liner. But there’s a great lesson in the story of Brzoska and Conley: You never know how much time you have left, so don’t wait for retirement to live the life of your dreams.

Upworthy has reached out to Brzoska for comment and is still awaiting a response.



This article originally appeared in August.

Unsplash

Is being naturally skinny akin to hitting the genetic lottery? Thin privilege, according to Thigh Society, refers to "societal advantages and preferential treatment that individuals who are perceived as thin or within the societal norms of beauty and body size experience. The term is often used to highlight the ways in which people with smaller bodies may face fewer obstacles, biases and discrimination compared to those with larger bodies."

Being thin can make it easier to land a job, find love, or even get proper healthcare. But it's easy to forget that, while naturally very skinny people might have it better in certain ways, they face significant problems too.

And now they're speaking out about challenges they face, misperceptions about being thin, and other things they wish people understood about them.

What experts say about thinness and body image

Kenny Eliason/Unsplash

Models are often thin. Actors and actresses are thin. Musicians are thin. So being thin is often considered the ideal when it comes to pop culture media portrayal of attractiveness.

But almost all people, regardless of shape or size, struggle with body image and being self-conscious about some aspects of our appearance.

"While individuals in thinner bodies may be perceived as fitting societal beauty standards, they are not immune to body image struggles or criticism," says Danielle Tucci, LPC at Live Better therapy Solutions. "Thin individuals often face contradictory messages. On one hand, they may be told they are 'lucky' or should have no reason to struggle with their appearance because their body aligns with societal ideals. On the other hand, they may face negative comments, we’ve all heard the 'eat a cheeseburger' line, or assumptions that their thinness is the result of an eating disorder."

"Thin people also often have to field uncomfortable remarks such as, 'Well, you wouldn’t know because you can wear anything,' or 'It must be nice to be able to eat that,'" adds Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, and eating disorders specialist.

During different cultural touch points, women may actually face pressure to have a fuller figure, and being too skinny can be considered unattractive. Men aren't in the clear from these lose-lose expectations either.

"Men are not excluded from negative messaging, as being thin has been associated with weakness, with societal messages around being stronger or more muscular as more ideal. Thin people also face criticism in other ways, like being labeled 'skinny fat,' especially during times when fit bodies were considered the ideal or when fuller bodies started to be more admired. On top of that, they’re often judged or questioned about whether they have an eating disorder, which can make thin people feel uncomfortable about their clothing or food choices when others are around."

For more insight, a recent Reddit thread posed the question: "Very skinny people: what are some difficulties/challenges that come with being really skinny?"

Nearly 2,000 people jumped in to comment, and the common themes in their stories were eye-opening to say the least.

Family, friends, and even strangers feel that they're 'allowed' to comment on a skinny person's body and diet. Being too think for women is associated with anorexia, and for men, with weakness and wimpyness.

Here's what Redditors had to say:

"People will think you have an eating disorder, and aren't afraid to ask about it." - PhotojournalistNew6

"When you get ill and can't really eat for 3-4 days. You don't really have the fat reserves to deal with that kind of thing as easily. So after you beat the illness, you need to recover from the lack of food." - Svencredible

"I was a skinny kid. If I ate a light meal, people would make snide comments about how I need to eat more. If I ate a heavy meal, they’d say 'must be nice to eat junk and stay thin.'" - gouwbadgers

"Metabolism finally changes, and now you've got a lifetime of unhealthy eating habits to break." - jsabo

"When I was a scrawny little preteen, i had trouble sleeping on my side without a pillow between my knees because they were so bony. I also often curled up, and it felt like my ribcage would smash into my pelvis if I wasn't careful." - MeticulousPlonker

"I was very skinny as kid to young adult. I was 6'3" and 140ish pounds from the time i was 14 until 18. People feel very comfortable commenting on your weight. All. The. Fucking. Time." - SchlapHappy

"It’s amazing how people comment on how little I weigh, how skinny I am, how I never get fat, how I should eat more, how I must always be hungry, etc. They can fuck off." - tomatoesrfun

"So, you're constantly cold, you can never really build a lot of muscle mass because you can't ever eat enough to gain any weight, people always think you're sick or aren't eating enough, finding clothing that fits is insanely hard. You either look like you're wearing your dads suit that's two sizes to big for you or you shop in the kids section there is almost never any in-between." - reav11

"I was super skinny in school, all the way up to my 30s. As a guy, it's no fun being skinny as skinniness equates to "wimpiness". Dress clothes, suits etc had to be taken in. Girls not looking your way because you're a walking skeleton." - ClownfishSoup

"Being told by other women that I need to shut up and that I'm not allowed to complain about anything. A coworker once said to me, 'You're so skinny, I hate you!' Girl, I'm just over here existing. And being cold." - TheCervus

"Everybody, and I mean fucking everybody, has an opinion about your diet. It's fucking infuriating." - CollateralSandwich

Being naturally skinny is also hard in other, slightly funnier ways that we don't often consider.

Having a bonier physique can be a little uncomfortable at times, to say the least, and finding clothes that fit isn't as easy as you'd think.

"I'm freezing cold all the goddamn time." - GhostPepper87

"Retaining heat. I was born cold, I'll die cold. Fuck the cold," wrote one user.

"I can only own so many warm clothes, and wearing a parka indoors because my workplace won't stop air conditioning even in the winter gets really dumb. The thermostats don't switch to heat mode until mid-winter. In the fall it might be cold out but still on AC, and I'm running a space heater battling with the AC wasting energy to stay warm, even wearing a jacket." - Dragoness42

"Sitting on hard surfaces." - grandoro

"Pants - choose one:

  • stays on your waist
  • covers your ankles" - Flipin75

"Somehow much more difficult to shave concave armpits," joked another user.

How has body positive movement impacted naturally thin people?

burger and fries on white paper Photo by Kisty Mea on Unsplash

Though there's a long way to go, we've made some really good strides as a culture in being accepting of bigger bodies. But it's hard not to wonder how people who are naturally extremely thin feel in a society that constantly tells them the body they were born with is unrealistic, anorexic, weak, and unhealthy.

''Body image issues among naturally thin individuals represent a nuanced and often overlooked aspect of the broader body positivity discourse. Historically, the body positivity movement emerged as a powerful response to societal beauty standards celebrating thin, often unrealistic body types. This evolution has created an interesting paradox for naturally thin individuals," says Kaycie Davis, RMHCI, a mental health therapist at Cannectd Wellness.

"Many naturally thin people report feeling simultaneously invisible and critiqued with unique challenges like being told they look 'unhealthy' or 'fragile.' Some are even being accused of eating disorders and feeling excluded from body-positive conversations."

Davis argues that body positivity should not be about replacing one narrow standard with another, and imagines a world where no one — fat or thin — is judged unfairly or subject to unwanted comments about their size.

"Every body has a right to respect, regardless of size, shape, or appearance."

Cayce LaCorte explains why virginity doesn't exist.

The concept of virginity is a very loaded issue in American culture. If a woman loses hers when she's too young she can be slut-shamed. If a man remains a virgin for too long, he can be bullied for not being manly enough. There is also a whole slew of religious mind games associated with virginity that can give people some serious psychological problems associated with sex.

Losing one's virginity has also been blown up way beyond proportion. It's often believed that it's a magical experience—it's usually not. Or that after having sex for the first time people can really start to enjoy living life—not the case. What if we just dropped all of the stigmas surrounding virginity and instead, replaced them with healthy attitudes toward sex and relationships?

Writer Cayce LaCorte is going viral on TikTok for the simple way she's taught her five daughters to think about virginity. They don't have to. LaCorte shared her parenting ideas on TikTok in response to mom-influencer Nevada Shareef's question: "Name something about the way you raised your kids that people think is weird but you think is healthy."

"I'm gonna get a lot of shit for this, but what are you gonna do?" she said in the video. "I'm raising my five daughters to believe that there is no such thing as virginity.

"It is a patriarchal concept used to control women and serves no purpose other than making women feel bad about ourselves," she explained. "Just because some guy randomly sticks his penis in you at some point in your life, it does not change your worth. It does not change who you are. It doesn't do anything other than it happened."

She also responded to those who may criticize her for encouraging promiscuity.

"Sex is important. It's a big deal; it should always be a big deal. It has nothing to do with your first time. It's just ridiculous. The whole concept is ridiculous," the video explained.

She also believes that sex shouldn't be so closely associated with one's moral character.

"I'm raising them to be good people and have solid foundations and make their own choices and make intelligent choices. Not because some book says not to," she concluded the video.

The video made a lot of people realize that virginity is so ingrained in our society that the concept is rarely questioned.

"I never really thought about this to be honest," one commenter wrote. "I will absolutely be adopting this!! Thank you for sharing."

"I have 2 girls, and I think this is how I will teach them when they are older. This would have made me feel more self worth when I was younger," Samantha wrote.

LaCorte's comments about women and virginity need to be heard. But there should also be more discussion around how men also fight the stigma associated with virginity.

There's an unwritten law that says men must lose their virginity by the age of 18 or by at least 21 or that somehow they are less of a man. For men that are virgins into their 20s, "Sex goes from being something to be enjoyed to a giant monolith of titanic proportions that casts a shadow over everything they do and who they are," dating coach Harris O'Malley writes.

Sex is a tricky issue that everyone should be able to approach in their own way, at their own time. It's great that LaCorte's video has gone viral for illustrating the fact that virginity is just another obstacle on the road to sexual maturity that shouldn't factor into whether we decide to have sex or not.

This article originally appeared three years ago.